


Wanderers in the Dark

by AnaWolf



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Comfort/Angst, Dark, Dark Romance, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Love/Hate, Multi, Obsession, Other, Past Revealed, Post Allen Leaves Order, Realistic, Secrets, Sibling Bonding, Trauma, identity crisis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2019-07-27 06:45:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 284,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16213625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnaWolf/pseuds/AnaWolf
Summary: On the night Allen is forced to leave the Order, he comes across a secret hidden in the depths of the Ark. Now, hunted by the Noah and considered an enemy by the place he once called home, he has to search for the truth... The truth of Mana, Neah and himself. Where he came from and who he really is. Uncovering a web of illusions and doubts, Allen still moves forward as he promised to do... But what do you do in a war, when you feel like you don't belong to any side?





	1. Act One – Shattered World

" _This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but a whimper" – "The Hollow Man" by T. S. Eliot_

There was no sound around.

Not even from his footsteps.

Whatever fetus of the noise they could've produced was devoured by the silence before it was born…

It was as if the world had ceased its existence.

Or perhaps it was just unreachable for him.

Not that he minded it, it was even preferable this way. A silence of this nature wasn't so bad… And with the whiteness surrounding him no matter what direction he looked at, there was a sensation that even the sound of a spider in its web would've been able to shatter everything around…

And what would be left, then? Shards. Glass pieces.

Unrecognizable and useless…

Allen Walker had never realized before how _serene_ it could be inside the Ark…

Yes, serene… With that absence of… Of what? Sounds, people? Everything and nothing? A place so oblivious to the world outside to the point of weaving the impression of existing outside the line of time and space… A memory of a dream that had taken physical shape without losing its nature…

He stopped walking for the first time since crossing the Ark's portal. Until now, he had been wandering, his mind unable to focus in anything... Not what he was trying anyway, there was nothing he wanted to think about, be what had been left behind, what would happen now or even where he would go…

It didn't make any difference, anyway…

He _could_ go anywhere…

And nowhere.

His eyes turned to the sky. Always cloudless, in its eternal light blue, ignoring the physics of the world and the night outside… And actually, wasn't it strange? That there was a _sky inside_ the Ark? Allen wondered vaguely if it was real or just illusion.

Again, did it make _any difference?_

Was there any importance in this, _any whatsoever?_

So why bother?

It was enough that the said sky existed. It was enough that all that whiteness existed. If he was drowning, as he felt he was, at least it was in a peaceful place…

Yes... He could drown here.

It didn't matter anymore, right?

As much as the white-haired boy knew, in some corner of his mind that remained detached from reality, that he _should_ hurry up and leave... As much as the effects of the last-hours events were still alive in his system, his heartbeat was not as fast as one might have expected… His legs were not shivering… His breathing was slow as that of a person asleep…But all this remained in his nerves. His thoughts were a passing mist that he didn't bother to control (not that he could), without substance or colors, fragments of forgotten dreams that floated and didn't stop for enough time to form a shape…

It wasn't unpleasant.

He didn't want to _think._

And he was tired…

Too tired to resist being softly wrapped along the fresh perfume of the flowers in the vases near windows, doors and stairs.

(Was it a true aroma? The flowers seemed to never need water or any other basic care).

He could let himself drown.

He could accept the haze that hugged him from inside out.

Just drown inside himself…

And never seek the surface again.

What was the reason to fight something that didn't bother nor mattered? Specially if it was the only thing in the moment that could give some comfort? If the things around were real or not, he didn't care. The _comfort_ was real and that was enough…

It was enough…

Opening his eyes, ignoring any part of himself that still remained alive and was trying to wake the rest of his body and mind up, Allen limited himself to observe the several ways among stairs and buildings, white as snow under the moonlight.

He didn't think he would mind staying here forever…

He was _so tired…_

Something pulled his hair.

It was Timcampy… The golden golem remained near him, flying around his head and now it would bite and pull some strands of Allen's hair, tail agitated. Only when the boy turned his face to it, the golem released him and started flying from a side to the other, his wings and tail in unceasing movement. It was impossible to mistake his behavior for anything but concern.

" _Where to go… Right, Tim?"_ Even if he ran away, he would be hunted…

Go? Run away? But where to? _Where?_

Going back wasn't an option... Going to the Noah? No, never... And there was also Apocryphos, or whatever was the name of that creature he had just seen…

He allowed his feet to keep moving, not truly looking where he was going...

" _First, I'll say "welcome back" to everyone"_

Those words seemed to belong to a lifetime ago and now, Komui's voice echoed in his brain...

Until he entered the Order, Allen only wandered with his Master. They roamed in the world, destroying akumas when finding them, but never with any specific "mission"…

And before that, until he was eleven, the boy had traveled around with Mana… A pierrot and an orphan, nothing more, going from town to town, making their living of street shows, never worrying about the paths they chose… The _"where to go"_ was simple: Always forward and that was enough and they were together and…

During all those years there had never been any _kind_ of thought regarding "where to return" or even "to who"… _And it had not mattered,_ they didn't _miss it,_ they were mere travelers…

" _Then I'll wrap my arms around Lenalee and hug her as tight as I can!"_

Even when his master had "ran off" leaving him to find his way to the Black Order by himself, it hadn't been like now… Back then, the Order was only a "destination", a "place" like many others. He just had to go there to become an official Exorcist…

No more and no less…

But now…

" _As for Allen, well, I'll just have to make sure there is a ton of food for you"_

To be part of the Order… _To live there…_ Time had made it so the Order no longer existed as concept of "destination" or a mere "Quarter of Exorcists".

For the first time, Allen had learnt what it meant to have a "place to return".

To have a place where people waited for you…

A _home._

" _Right about then, I daresay Lavi will just end up falling asleep. I'll make sure there's a blanket for him"_

Allen remembered that he had even been surprised when Lenalee had told him how they had individual rooms… Because, when he thought about it, he had never had had a room that was actually _his.  
_

And each time he and his friends came back, no matter where from, people didn't always say "Okaerinasai" (" _welcome home")_ and they answered " _Tadaima" ("I'm back")?_ A mere exchange of words, however, there was so much more that they carried among each letter and made you feel warm...

" _And the older ones will want to have some wine and make a toast… We'll all throw a huge party"_

And so it was…

So it had been…

Every time he left, the "return", the "going back" was always the Order… And to the _people of it…_ Until Allen no longer could think such terms without those images, the meanings mixing until they become just one thing, forever…

It was the place he _belonged._

The first place where he truly _belonged…_

_It was his home…_

" _It'll be great"_

He had nowhere to _go._

He had nowhere to _go back_.

He had... Nothing.

" _I'm alone"_

He looked at his hands, without feeling them… It was as if he was merely caged in his own body, rather than the master of that flesh… The left hand to the akumas, the right to the humans… It was what he had decided, but...

" _This cruel memory of Noah and Innocence. You carry two monsters inside of you"_ Tyki had told him moments ago and it was something Allen hadn't been able to give any answer to, because it was the truth.

And what that made of him?

Suddenly, his nails went against his forehead, digging the skin and hiding his face as if ashamed of his existence, that he no longer was able to comprehend. Each one of his nerve terminations shivered, dissected by sensations that were alike maggots.

" _I'm alone"_

An inarticulate sound escaped from his throat and the echo ran through the streets and among buildings as if in search of another sound, any sound…

And like this echo, Allen looked around. The immaculate walls, the light brown floor and stairs… The flowers, yellow and pink with green leaves… And that sky. Everything seemed so pure…

How he would have liked to just sit there and stay… Be wrapped by the mist and…

Some rational part of him (or maybe just his survival instinct) forced a thought to be born, in which roots of some lucidity still remained.

" _I decided to keep walking no matter what happens…"_

This pierced across his numb despair.

Yes... He... He had almost forgotten. His promise.

If he gave in and sit there, even for a second, he would no longer stand.

Timcampy landed in his shoulder, rubbing its wings against his face a bit. The touch of the soft feathers, the _reality_ of it, helped him to feel his own nerves again.

He could _only_ go forward.

But the question remained… Where to?

If he didn't have anywhere to go and nothing mattered, then any place should be good enough… He had nothing with him besides Tim, but he could take care of that later and…

" _And the Order will try to chase you…"_ Unable to block the thought, Allen had no choice but to accept it, even if his senses reacted to it as they would to a stab. Yes, but maybe he could hide his trail… Tim wasn't like the other golems, he had no tracker… And he… After opening another portal in the Ark and close it, even the people studying the Ark wouldn't be able to really tell the localization chosen… And maybe he could randomly open and close some other portals at the same time, just in case? Maybe he _would_ be able to do so, he wasn't quite sure…

The nature of what he was doing ripped his nerves and blood. It ripped _him._

That was an escape plan.

Not from Apocryphos or the Noah…

An plan of escaping from _the Order…_

The Order where he had lived, where Lenalee and Komui and all the others were… His _family_ … The people he loved… Despite of everything that had ever happened or been said, if there was one thing that wouldn't change was what he had told Lenalee, just some minutes ago: He would always be an Exorcist.

_It was his home!_

Was he really running away from his home? His family?

Allen wanted to laugh… It… It was impossible, right? A paradox that, by itself, couldn't have a place in reality… He was _part_ of the Order and yet…

It was so absolute senseless that a dry chuckle shook his throat. This wasn't really happening, was it?

" _From now on, Allen Walker shall be classified as a Noah"_

The memory came as an arrow as if he had been, unconsciously, searching for a justification, an explanation, anything in which he could find some meaning in what was happening, but this only worked as a crack through which he bleed.

One more crack among ruins.

How had things reached this point?

_Why?_

_Why?_

"Damn it" The young man muttered to himself. "Damn it..."

The solitary sound of his voice was disturbing and he became quiet once more. It was better to not bother the silence, hungry for words.

Allen tried to cast away those thoughts and to change his focus, casting that poison to the depths of his brain. He could follow that idea, open some portals and use any of them. After it, he could think better in what to do next… Maybe he could…

Once more, he stopped walking.

This time, it was not due to any thought, but a sight.

During the last months during which the Order had been using the Ark as a transportation, many had studied the place which nature remained completely understandable only to itself and the Noah: Not all areas had been explored, some doors seemed sealed, others only opened when connected to a chosen destination… Most of them were very alike, without many differences and of simple appearances…

Allen had just noticed one of the few that weren't.

It stood between two "houses", shaded by a stair crossing above it, almost as if hiding in the shadows.

In his lethargic state, the seed of curiosity was strong enough to push Allen closer to that door he had never seen before (which, in itself, wasn't that surprising). Among all the pale hues, it didn't seem to belong in the Ark at all... Black and smooth, it was ornamented with pale gray lines. Two were in opposite sides, shaped in spiral-ended lines. In the center, two circles carried runic-like symbols between them and a pentagram laid inside it.

At the top of the door, Allen saw a circle with some lines converging to its center where, taking almost all the space, was the figure of a flower, turned down almost as a bell. He noticed that the inferior corners also held images of two different flowers.

Tim started to fly again around his head, his tail whipping the air.

For some seconds, Allen just studied the door. The dark colors were a drop of black ink in all the whiteness.

Relying more on the impulse of inquisitiveness, Allen turned the silver doorknob.

It moved with a soft "click".

Allen frowned. Actually, he hadn't expected the door to _really_ open...

It was a medium-sized room, soaked in darkness. Though it had been closed for probably a long time, the air inside was fresh, yet impregnated with a soft smell that invoked the image of dead flowers offered to forgotten tombs under the moon... As his senses processed the stimuli, Allen couldn't suppress a shiver. It was not repulsive, but he wasn't sure he would consider it enjoyable either.

The only source of illumination was a figure in the floor, casting light to something held above it…

" _What the…!"_

Allen blinked. What he saw was enough to disperse the mist inside him and clear his mind.

There was a person suspended in the middle of the room.

" _Why would anyone be here like this?"_ Taking careful steps, he approached the body without making a sound. " _Maybe it's a corpse?"_

The image in the floor was made of two circles, one inside the other like the one in the door, also with figures that resembled ancient runes between them and again, in the center, there was a small pentacle, this time accompanied by two crescent moons back to each other and surrounded by other symbols whose meaning Allen couldn't even begin to guess. The whole thing emitted a white-lilac light that flowed along the line in liquid manner, illuminating and reflecting itself in the body above and in the chains that held it in place.

Allen still came closer, trying to see the prisoner's face, muscles ready to back away should he or she be feigning unconsciousness or if he perceived any sign of sudden violence.

"Hello?" There was no answer.

Now, closer, he could see it was a girl.

Her head rested forward, almost the position of someone who had just fallen asleep. Trying to better see the face hidden by some strands of hair, Allen leaned a little, wondering if she…

He stiffened so fast that it was almost possible to hear his the bones of his back crackling at the same time his heart jumped and went out of rhythm.

Upon her forehead there were black marks.

That girl… _Was a Noah?_

A Noah had been here in the Ark all this time? Chained?

That didn't make any sense.

_Any whatsoever._

For what Allen knew, there were only thirteen Noah and the strange "Fourteenth" (who had gained such a title exactly because of this numerical position) that had betrayed the Clan years ago. And while Allen didn't know all of them or even if they had all "awakened" already, to find one in this state seemed far too illogical. It didn't strike him as something the Millennium Earl would do to.

His mind blocked any thought of wondering if he _would_ do that to the Fourteenth and instead, Allen reflected on what he should do as his eyes ran over the girl, involved by chains and looking like a rejected toy... Even if he knew better than to judge by appearances, right now she seemed harmless (a sneer trembled inside him. Oh, yes, she seemed as harmless as Road had been the first time he had seen her as she asked for tickets to the play or Tyki when they had played poker, before Allen knew _what_ they were).

Noahs were never "harmless".

Maybe it had been a trick of the weak light and his tired mind… He couldn't even be _sure_ that her skin was the typical gray hue of the Noah…

Warily, not even touching her skin, he slowly pulled away some of the hair that covered her face.

Black stigmas laid there as scars.

She was a Noah.

The confirmation just guided him back to the previous questions.

" _But what now?"_ Circling her, Allen tried to evaluate what would be the best course of action and the possible consequences, despite of how tired his mind felt to even think " _What should I do?"_

The girl's hair slithered down almost reaching her waist in uneven ends, as if someone had tried to cut it with a shard of glass. Her naked feet were a little more than thirty centimeters above the ground... Only by paying attention he could notice a soft movement of her chest that denounced there was still life in that body.

Well, the options were, in the end, only two: Get out and pretend he hadn't seen anything or release her.

Allen felt his mouth dry. In other occasion, he would have told the Order and he was aware of it. And he couldn't avoid the claws that grasped his heart with this notion...

To _ignore_ the chained _girl_ seemed, at the very _least_ , wrong and even cruel… However, to release a _Noah,_ one that he had never seen before and whose reaction and personality he couldn't predict, was not a very attractive or sensible idea either. At least Allen knew Jasdevi, for example, would probably try to attack him anyway even if he were to help them. And regarding Road or Tyki, Allen would have been able of at least _attempting_ a conversation in order to avoid a fight that, right now, he had no strength to engage in.

And there was also another detail to be considered...

Until some time ago, that Ark had belonged to the _Earl…_ Could it really be that _he_ was the one who had done this?

" _Anyway, she must be locked up for a_ good _reason"_

There was no guarantee that freeing her wouldn't be dangerous and he observed the chains that wrapped her arms, snakes that ended involving her shoulders, their other extremities stuck to the opposite walls. It was the same with the two chains that held her waist. Maybe one day they had been silver, but now the metal (if that was what it was) had faded to become almost black. What Allen at first had thought to be the light reflecting in the links, at closer inspection, seemed to be actually something that flowed _inside of them._ An effect of the shadows (no doubt) created the impression that whatever it was, was also flowing into her body not unlike a medical serum...

" _If the Order finds her, they will kill her on the spot. Without hesitation"_

He stood in front of her again.

 _"Maybe I'll regret that"_ This was the last time he would ever use the Ark, he had already decided so... To leave that girl there meant literarily abandoning her to rot. He lifted his left hand, feeling the Innocence rushing in his veins. " _To regret helping someone is better than to regret not doing so, I guess..._ "

He struck one of the chains with his claws, expecting to meet metallic resistance, however it was like ripping apart the substance of dreams. The links shattered as though a mere touch would have sufficed. The Noah's arm hanged dead at her side and the remains of the chain that still were around her flesh slipped and fell with a crystalline noise. The shoulder piece fell as well, making the same sound that didn't match it's heavy appearance.

Allen repeated the process. Once freed, the body hit the floor, hair spreading over it in a pool of dark ink, light shining among some strands.

She didn't even move.

" _Was I wrong? Is she dead?"_ Allen slid his fingers to her neck, a bit unsure… No, there was a pulse. Weak, but it was there.

He couldn't afford to lose more time.

He hesitated with the idea, but ended up arranging the girl on his back and carried her out the room. Closing his eyes, Allen sighed and concentrated the power of the Ark.

" _The power of the Fourteenth."_

" _Oh, shut up!"_

The doors around came alive with their own glow and, deep in his organs, Allen chose the destinations they should connect with, concentrating himself in areas that still had no portals created by the Order, not wanting to take any risk.

Regarding his "destination"…

Any place would be good enough, right?

**XxX**

Lenalee could _hear_ people speaking to her, but she wasn't _listening…_ The little her mind had bothered to process held no meaning that mattered enough to hold her in the reality around…

" _I love the Order and all the people here… I'll always be an Exorcist…"_

Those had been the last words Allen had said… Their echo was inside her skull, throbbing in a headache-like way, repeating themselves in a never ending cycle that her mind was unable to stop with other thoughts.

She had remained there, knees in the cold grass even after the Ark's Portal had closed, tears running down her face, flesh shivering as if her body wanted to rip itself open. It would hurt, but perhaps not as much as how she felt inside now.

" _I love the Order and all the people here… I'll always be an Exorcist…"_

She had watched as he entered the bright portal, the light creating a halo around him, gray shadows on his white hair.

Then, the portal had closed.

And all light was gone.

After a while (the exact time, she did not know), she had stood, body moving in an automatic way, taking a path back to the headquarters, being found by one of the Crow groups that had tried to chase Allen.

Had they tried to talk to her? Maybe.

Lenalee didn't know.

Nor did she care.

Everything around had turned into ice and the girl didn't want to move or do anything that could break it _even more._

" _I love the Order and all the people here… I'll always be an Exorcist…"_

Now, Levelier was trying to talk to her in the Science Department's room as her mind played again and again those last moments, as if by doing this she could discover some information, realize some detail that she had let slip by...

Something that would return the sense to her world...

Something that would help her to wake up from that nightmare, perhaps…

"Lenalee!" Levelier called her attention with vehemence. Her body, obeying only to instinctive commands and reactions, only turned her face to him, but Lenalee wasn't there.

"The Crows informed that, when they found you, you were crying" There was a moment of silence. The attention of the people there were fixated either on the girl or on the Inspector... A few were just like Lenalee, still lost in the storm that had needed but minutes to throw the very context of their lives into chaos.

"You found Allen Walker, did you not?" Levelier inquired, remaining in front of her, looking taller and only his eyes turned down in her direction.

Lenalee didn't answer right away.

" _I'll always be an Exorcist…"_

" _Please, Allen, you have to come back"_ She had told him. She _had._

Exorcists... Exorcists stayed with the Order, did they not?

"I did…" There was no sense in lying and she knew it. Levelier nodded, something in his eyes alike satisfaction in finally be receiving answers. Upon returning, Lenalee had gone straight to the Science Department. Those who were not in silence could just whisper, though not for any will of true conversation... All they could do was think about what had just happened, as if they couldn't _comprehend what_ it had been. Never had she missed so much the old building of the Headquarters, especially when she noticed those people who were whispering to each other.

She could well imagine the nature of the words.

At some point, Levelier had come in, commenting that he had been looking for her and wanting to know details of what had transpired, ignoring Komui's protests, who had positioned himself behind the couch where his sister was sitting, hand firm upon her shoulder.

As ar as he was concerned, Levelier shouldn't even be talking to Lenalee.

"He went…"

The girl knew, not consciously, but in her nerves, what Levelier meant. Just like she knew what those people had been whispering about.

"He didn't go with the Noah…" Lenalee muttered, before the man could say one more word, eyes glued in some point of the floor. Under her flesh, tremors still ran hidden, memories of fear engraved in veins, reacting to Levelier's presence and to the things that had happened in the last days which had culminated in _this._

Allen leaving the Order.

"Everyone saw Walker leaving with that golem of his. He was accompanied by two Noah" The other said, never changing his tone.

"Inspector, I must insist…" Komui started, receiving a cold, but strangely empty glare.

"And some Crows confirmed to have seen one of them as they searched the grounds"

Komui showed no reaction, but internally had the sensation that there was something strange with Levelier… The Inspector had never been one of revealing much of himself, usually keeping an exterior of efficiency and coldness, however there were some occasions when it was possible to notice some flame in his eyes… Tonight, there was nothing.

In a corner, Johnny watched the exchange of words along with Reever and other members of Science Department that had stayed together. Both felt words shivering in their throats, but even they couldn't decipher what they really wanted to say.

" _How?"_ It was the only thing Johnny could think. " _How did everything come to this?"_

Images flashed in his mind... Komui speaking non-stop about a new invention... Allen laughing... Kanda complaining about something or other... When exactly had things start to fall apart? When had they lost the smiles and light?

How had things reached that point?

" _I'm sorry_ to say, Inspector, but after everything that occurred just some weeks ago with the Third and…" Komui avoided mentioning Kanda and Alma, it was not necessary. "I would say the Noah made it clear enough that they _want_ Allen, therefore…"

" _And we left him incarcerated and alone…"_ He reflected. " _If he is with the Noah now, it was not by choice…"_

And if Allen was with them…

Komui didn't want to think about it…

Lavi was also missing and there was the chance that…

"And, even so, it doesn't appear as if Walker was quite... Resistant, should I say? One of the Noah was seen riding Timcampy. And the golem was carrying Allen and another Noah in its mouth" Levelier told in a suave voice.

"He didn't go with the Noah" Lenalee repeated, fighting the impulse of closing her eyes and, not for the first time, she wished it all to be a nightmare.

And it was.

Only that it was _real_.

The Inspector's eyes weighted over her. As always, they caused her to shiver, perhaps not unlike an abused dog would upon seeing a known whip in the hands of its owner. Every time that man stared at her that way, for some seconds, she was once more a child tied down to a bed.

"Howard Link is dead."

The reaction to those words was instantaneous.

"Dead?"

"One minute!"

"Sir, do you think…?"

"Guys, wait..."

"You _can't_ really think that…"

"Allen _would never_ do such a thing!"

"Didn't people see the Noah with him? Of course they…"

"But…"

" _Silence"_ Levelier growled. His tone was low, but there was too much command in his voice for it to go on ignored "We have already confirmed that Allen Walker is the Fourteenth. We take no risks. From today on, he is a Noah and must be treated _accordingly."_

" _He didn't go with the Noah"_ The young girl hissed. "He went away alone. The Noah were not with him…"

Levelier tilted his head to the side, lifting the eyebrows.

"Curious… So, if he had no intention of joining them, why would he even leave?"

"I don't know"

"If he had no intention of joining them, why do we have witnesses that saw Walker's golem _carrying_ one of them as well?"

"I don't know"

"If he had no intention of joining them, why did it seem that he offered no resistance?"

"I don't know."

"Lenalee, I must insist that…"

" _Enough"_

The silence that followed was the one that would come after an unexpected bullet.

Few of the people in the room had ever heard Komui Lee speaking in such way and the whip of his voice made some of them, caught by surprise, recoil. Behind glasses, his dark eyes were cutting Levelier, severity marking each trace of his face.

"This night is being too long as it is." He carried on, eyes of steel. "And with the news of Link's death, we are all very shocked. So that if you want to interrogate my sister, _I_ must insist that you wait until after she has rested and is willing to answer your questions."

For some seconds, Levelier didn't answer. Both men stared at each other, none giving signs of intentions of backing down, cold fires testing each other.

Lenalee held her breath without noticing it, focusing on how Komui still held her shoulder, the touch firm but gentle and in that moment, she thanked him for being there and hoped he would be able to make Levelier back down.

But her brother was right… Link… Dead?

Not even for one second she took in consideration that Allen could have done this…

No.

What had truly happened, she didn't know… However Allen was not the responsible, _he wasn't! He couldn't be!  
_

" _Allen… I wish so much that you were here… Why didn't you come back with me? Why?"_

"Very well" Levelier acquiesced, putting his hands behind his back in an official-like pose. " _We'll_ schedule a _reunion_ regarding the subject. Good night."

Only when he had left the room, Komui and some others breathed in relief. Others merely averted their eyes.

Lenalee only stared to a window, her blood cold with fear. Fear of what the morning would bring. Fear of the future. Fear of what would come to pass next time she met Allen.

That if she ever came to see him again.

" _Allen… Where are you?"_

Outside, the night breeze ran among the tree's, making the leaves wave.

How could everything outside look any other night while inside here everything felt so much like chaos, despite the veneer of calmness?

Inside her, in the Order, in her "world"… Nothing more was complete. There was no firm place to stand.

" _Where is my_ world _now?"_

**XxX**

An European forest, near a small city, had seemed a good option.

Now, wandering among trees, Allen didn't regret it completely… The place wasn't much different at first glance from the forest nearby the Order's Headquarters, however it offered at the same time a strange comfort and an equally displeasing sensation... Maybe for being so alike, but not the _same?_

The moon reigned full in the sky, its light dripping in the forest and showing the way among fallen leaves. A night breeze caressed Allen's face, carrying the wild scent and, excluding the call of an owl or the whisper of the wind in the foliage, there was no perceptible sound. There were instances when he could almost hear the whisper of the stars... A naive, childish thought, of course, but the silvery veil around made such ideas easy to come as it teased the senses...

If the circumstances were different, the beauty of it all would have been seductive.

Slowly, Allen laid the young Noah's body between the roots of a tree. If they walked towards west for a while, soon they would arrive in a city and with luck, he _could_ get some money to pay for a small room for the night as he had done times before when his Master would disappear and leave him to fend for himself… And if not, he would content himself with sleeping on the street.

But before anything else, it was best to at least attempt to wake the girl.

Crouching besides her, under the moon and without hurry, Allen could see her, _truly_ see her for the first time... He had thought before that she didn't seem to be in her best shape and now there were no doubts that she had seen better days…

There, cradled by old and twisted roots, she looked more than never like something that had been forgotten by a child somewhere in the path towards adulthood… The black stigmas could be taken not as marks, but cracks on her skin...

Allen took a deep breath, before he held her shoulder and shook it gently.

"Hey?" He muttered awkwardly, voice a bit hoarse. "Hm… Hello? Miss, wake up…"

He was already taking in account the possibility of the girl being in some sort of comatose when an instinctive grunt was born from her throat. Her eyelids shivered a little and slowly rose… She blinked to Allen, eyes behind by a milky veil that made the usual gold of the Noah be a pale amber. Her gaze was lacking in emotion, until something came to them and it was almost that of someone starting to realize that they had been victims of a trick of cruelty.

So slowly that it was almost impossible to perceive until it had happened, the mist dissipated into her eyes, that became less animal-like, though never becoming human. It didn't surprise Allen... As much as Noah had a human shape, they were always anything but. Others spoke of their skin or the stigmas, but even if one would to take those away, it would be their eyes that would denounce their nature... At least, to Allen.

The Noah seemed to try to move, something waving underneath her skin. Her body, unused to movements, could only tremble clumsily as though she had forgotten how to control it.

But Allen thought she might be trying to get away from him.

"Easy… I'm not going to hurt you…" Considering the fights he had had with the members of her Clan, this sounded a laughable thing to say, yet there was no denying that the girl seemed strange. The muscles of her face remained as hollow of expression as those of a corpse, but Allen was sure she was probably confused at her current predicament.

She opened and closed her mouth some times and the boy was about to believe her unable to speak when, finally, the vocal cords recalled how to produce sound and her voice worked (husky and low, it had been quite a time since she spoke).

"Who… Are you?"

"Allen Walker" He hesitated, wondering if she would attack, but the Noah only blinked a couple of times. He waited to see what she would do...

There was a moment of silence.

"Who… Who am... I?"

**XxX**

In the moment the young Noah's conscience surfaced from a sea of unconsciousness so deep that it was almost the realm of lost souls, an old sensation ran through his blood… He had been reflecting about the next steps, after learning from Tyki how the assault to the Order had ended and had been worrying about Road, hoping that she would be able to recover without major complications when that wave came, wrapping each and every one of his nerves, agitating his blood until it reached the depths of his old soul.

He _knew_ what that meant, but even so he couldn't believe it.

That sensation… What it carried... _It couldn't be._

In the other room, Tyki had been repeating what had happened to the others and up to some seconds ago, Sheryl had been screaming in a blind fury about the disappearance of Road, demanding to know what had been the nature of the Fourteenth's relationship with his "daughter"…

Now, there was only silence.

The others had felt it as well.

That sensation came from their essence, waking a dark river of mixed feelings that ranged from deep sorrow to a frail happiness, never being completely one or the other. The memories of Noah were restless in them and reacting…

They had felt another Noah.

But the Earl knew that _this one_ had no reason to be _alive._

He sat down, unable to react and without knowing what to do for a moment (something that wasn't frequent)… First, the Fourteenth waking inside Allen Walker, now _her…_

It was different, even so. It wasn't that her Noah genes were waking again in another host as expected, it was not another incarnation, he had felt how it was _her…_

The same from thirty five years ago.

_How could she even be alive?_

"Lero" He called as he stood. The umbrella golem came near his master, who was picking up his usual yellow coat. "Gather the others… I have matters to discuss with them."

"Lero… And the Exorcists, Earl-sama?"

He almost smiled upon remembering the prisoners.

"Tell them to leave some akumas Level Four watching. It doesn't make much of a difference, not with Fidora's worms still inside one of them" He didn't believe that the damn old man would take such risks or try escaping by himself, stupidity of this sort was not part of his nature. And as for the redheaded brat, he was more dead than alive… None of them were in condition to even _attempt_ to run away.

Not that they would be able to, given their location.

And right now, he and his family had far more important affairs.

Apocryphos had finally revealed himself, the temptation of attacking Walker after the recent events greater than his care to conceal himself. The Earl had been able to feel the danger, reason why he had sent Road and Tyki... Instead of bringing the boy, even if by force, Road had been hurt and Walker had escaped… It wasn't the _ideal_ result, not by a long shot, yet it couldn't be considered a defeat either: Tyki had been hurt, but would recover soon. Road had received a direct hit, however she had only recoiled to her dream dimension, where she could heal better and at least Walker hadn't been absorbed by that bastard...

Yet, nothing of this had quite soothed the bitter taste in his mouth, only given the cold comfort that things hadn't been worse.

Could it be that there was some connection between all of this and her "return"? There was no way of knowing for sure now, but when it came down to Allen Walker, all possibilities should be taken in account.

Allen Walker…

The host of the Fourteenth.

The Millennium Earl had to admit, though not happily, that he felt some… _Admiration_ for the boy, even if he had turned out to be a bother ever since he had enlisted to the Order and their paths had started to cross more frequently. However, it couldn't be ignored that Walker was only fifteen and had already showed more nerve than what one might have expected from such age, recovering even when he was supposed to be _dead._ And when he had returned to the battlefield, it had been with that same flame of determination. Grown men had paled under his stare, older Exorcists had been left whimpering for mercy within few moments of facing him, some from the Order could barely whisper about him, regarding him as an incarnation of nightmares...

The boy was among the few who stared at him right in the eye.

And now, there was the fact he was Neah's host.

During the battle of Alma Karma and Yuu Kanda, the Earl had been very close of "retrieving" Walker to his side. And he had been right in one point: The boy couldn't stay in the Order anymore. From what Tyki had told them, he had been found in a dungeon and his golem restrained.

Nothing in this scenario was surprising.

The Earl had already heard some Exorcists commenting about how the Order was their " _family",_ voices full of emotion. Pretty lies they told themselves, drowning in those addictive poisons that covered the truth as flowers can hide a corpse rotting among their roots. And those who truly believed such a thing from the bottom of their hearts were nothing more than deluded fools.

Allen was a proof of it himself: He had been an Exorcist, had fought for the Order over and over again, had helped them to destroy his fabric of akumas (and the memory was still cause to a great ire, if he wasn't Neah's host, his motivations to capture him alive would be _quite_ different) and all that past of loyalty and servitude had been reduced to trash in the moment the Order had found out Walker was a Noah's host. Instead of considering that he could be the victim of some sort of kidnapping (although it was in reality a _rescue),_ apparently they had had no hesitation in classifying him as an enemy right away, even before trying to understand the situation as a whole.

_Pathetic._

" _I told him he couldn't stay there anymore"_ The Earl reflected as he exited his room and walked through a hallway in the Black Ark. " _I wonder if now he understands it"_

He would be lying if he said there wasn't some pleasure in the idea.

As soon as he entered the room, the other Noah turned to him. Some were standing such as Toraido and Sheryl, while others like Fidora and Tyki were seated. However, the agitation of all of them echoed in the air, their bodies unable to contain it.

" _Did you feel it as well, Road? Did you notice?"_

"What does that mean, Earl?" Devitto rose from where he was, incapable of remaining still for longer, turning his gun in his fingers, dragging one foot against the floor.

"The presence we felt now… It was not the Fourteenth" Toraido affirmed with a controlled voice, thought his golden eyes had that gleam that one could never be sure if it signified something good or bad.

"It can't be the Noah of Wrath, it wasn't the same…"

"You felt it as well, didn't you, sir?"

"C'mon, c'mon everyone, calm down, please" He raised one hand and the others complied, Devitto still biting his lower lip to stop himself from talking more, all of him a storm that wanted to be released.

Such reactions were natural. Noah, by nature, were always able to sense each others' existence and even their locations (until a certain distance). However, when one of the memories was waking in a new host, the sensation was the most powerful so they were able to find the new member of the family right away. And, just like with Skin Bolic, they could also feel inside when a Noah died.

But _she_ hadn't been dead after all, and what they had felt was different. Not a waking that called celebration of a new family member, nor a loss followed by the sorrowful mourning, but a recalling and nostalgic familiarity. In a way, it was almost as remembering a dear friend you had almost forgotten and still remembered to have loved. And due to the damage their memories had suffered thirty five years ago, not only they didn't remember what had happened or Neah, they also didn't remember _her_ (or any of the previous incarnations, but that was how it was always)… Except he and Road… And probably Wisely, who hadn't manifested himself about it yet and only studied the others, keeping whatever he might be feeling to himself.

"The presence you all felt just now… I admit I'm also surprised, actually. Road and I, we both thought _she_ was dead… Well, well, the surprises never stop, isn't it so?"

He looked at the others. One more generation of Noah after so many, and all of them had been at his side for so many years… Each unique, each different and each of them were his family.

"I don't know _how_ or _why_ she is alive, but she _is…"_ He decided to carry on before someone questioned again. The time to remember the past could be postponed. Her presence had burned and weakened as the light of a lamp that shines too bright before going out and since this was not a awakening, it hadn't lasted long enough to give them her _exact_ location. Now it could take some time until they found her.

" _You'll search for us as well, won't you?"_ He wondered, however it was obvious that she would and the idea of seeing her again made him smile. He only lamented that Road wasn't here at the moment to enjoy it.

"So, it's two we have to search for now" Fidora muttered, a smile tearing his face apart at the idea. "Well, this will be _fun!"_

The Earl smiled back. He hadn't expected any other reaction. If there was a member of their family out there somewhere, the most natural thing to do was to bring them back.

After all, they belonged together.

Always.

"Hey, Earl, can we go and bring her? Can we?" Jasdero was already at his brother's side, excitation dancing in his eyes, a glow of madness. Once again, the Earl was not surprised, nor were the other Noah. Devitto and Jasdero were not known for their ability to stay still without having what to do for long and the perspective of a mission was always interesting to them, especially if it meant something they considered amusing or fun.

"We can find her faster than the others!" Devitto said in a tone that was half insisting and half challenging the others.

"This is not a game, nor is it a race" Toraido commented dryly, casting his serious gaze upon to the twins. Devitto waved his hand, dismissing his words.

"Sadly, we don't know _precisely_ what kind of situation this is, so it will be better to make a field recognition per say" He wanted to believe this was not needed, wanted to just find her and bring her home, but couldn't ignore the strangeness of it all, despite his own emotions. The Noah patriarch turned to the silent Noah, who had until now remained in her favorite shape, of a black panther. "Lulubell, try to find her, but just that… First, let's find details about what kind of condition we're dealing with. Just in case"

Jasdero and Devitto grumbled, not at all pleased.

"But what _for_? We go find the girl, bring her back right away! Hee!"

"If we know she is awake, wherever she is, we'll find her for sure!"

Tyki, still seated, chuckled to himself before asking in the voice of someone wondering about the weather.

"Like when you found and exterminated Cross?"

"Shut up, Tyki!" They screamed together as the subject of the redheaded general who had fooled them was still an open wound in their prides.

Ignoring the three of them, Lulubell lowered her black head to the Earl and went out, slithering as a living shadow, tail waving gently. Meanwhile, Devitto and Jasdero still complained about Cross, pointing out how Tyki also hadn't been able to kill Allen Walker, even after he had planted a Tease in his heart.

The mention of the boy made the Earl's thoughts go back to the possibility that Apocryphos' appearance and Walker's state as host and his escape were related to the girl's resurgence… Could it be that… No, no, it wouldn't do to make conjectures, they needed _factual information._

In one thing Devitto was right, though: Wherever she was, she would be found.

Maybe, once they knew where she was, he would go fetch her personally…

As well as Allen Walker…

"And even so, why Lulubell? We could do that without a problem!" Devitto's words only made Sheryl and Tyki exchange looks, the Noah of Pleasure hiding a smile. The idea of the twins in a mission that involved _subtlety_ was, in his mind, the perfect translation to an absolute disaster.

"Now, now, no fighting. She disappeared years ago… Before doing anything, I'd rather know the details…" The Earl ran his sharp eyes over the others. "But make no mistakes. We _will_ bring her back in one way or another… And since you mentioned him…"

His eyes narrowed dangerously.

"This applies to Allen Walker _as well"_

* * *

**This is my first fic of _D. Gray Man_ and I'm really excited about it! Now, while this is NOT an Allen/OC story, there will be pairings.  
**

**Please, bear in mind that English is not my first language, so if there is any error, please tell me!  
**

**As you can see, this whole story sets place right after when Allen leaves the Order, but there are some later chapters of the manga which _will be ignored and not be part of it._ **

**Thank you so much for reading it, please, leave a review?**


	2. Act Two – Mazes of the Mind

" _The greatest hazard of all, losing one's self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss – an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc – is sure to be noticed_ " – Soren Kierkegaard.

 

For some seconds, nor Allen nor the girl said anything, limiting themselves to gaze at one another as the moonlight flowed around them and the shadows acted as covers of living silk with unknown intentions.

The eyes of the Noah studied him, delaying briefly in his left arm, her face hollow as if the time she had spent sleeping had stolen the capacity of expressions.

" _Did she really just ask who she is?"_ Allen observed her as well, barely believing what he had heard. Could that be even _possible?_ Did this Noah remember nothing? And what was _he_ supposed to say, then? That he wasn't her enemy? Technically, being an Exorcist, that was what he _was…_

But…

" _You're no longer an Exorcist…"_ A cruel voice, like the one belonging to a spider, whispered deep inside his mind, coming from that point where the sensation of being completely distant of any known reality or people he loved was still far too strong to resist. The boy ignored those words… Not being in the Order didn't mean his heart had changed, it didn't, it didn't…

" _From now on, Allen Walker shall be considered a Noah"_

Each shard of his being suffered the echo of the memory, but he didn't want to dwell in those thoughts…

Not yet…

Not now…

As he didn't concede her an answer, the girl lowered her eyes to herself as if wanting to confirm her _physical_ existence. Two or three threads of dark hair still fell on her face while the rest flowed down her shoulders and back in a ink-like way. She made no gesture to arrange it...

" _She does not known herself"_ He realized and the thought, for some reason, was a breath of ice inside him as he watched the Noah observe herself, a girl who might have forgotten what humans looked like for all he knew, just like she had forgotten her name... Her face remained still as if the muscles had never been used, be for laughter or tears, even so Allen thought there was something come to existence in her eyes. It was the same as looking into a deep well, needing to pay attention to take notice of its waters and the waves that indicated some creature _was_ swimming there.

"I… I don't know who you are" He confessed, having the impression of seeing one of those waves on her eyes and a muscle shiver on her forehead. Perhaps she was trying to frown? Perhaps it was just an illusion of light and shadows. The certainty dissipated in the night before having the chance of existing completely.

The girl lifted an arm slowly, flexing her fingers weakly in an experimentation of movement, as if her bones and brain needed a confirmation that this body was _hers_ and the proper way to command it. She touched her wrist, running a finger along the inside of it, over her veins. For a second, Allen wondered what might be going through her mind until a question clarified it.

"I am… Grey?" Her voice was low and deep, even now managing to remain serene and almost _absent_ … Allen supposed it _should_ be due to the time without use as it was almost scratchy as if it didn't come from her throat, but from some more deeper point of her body… A drowned voice.

She really had no idea of who she was. Nor of _what_ she was.

"Hm… Well… Yes, you… You're a Noah" The answer was more automatic than anything else, even if he was well aware that this didn't do any good as an explanation, but the occasion was so unusual and the girl was so strange that the words had come out of his mouth before Allen could control himself and he bit his lower lip slowly, thinking with weariness about the options and what to do now. He had taken the girl out of the Ark because it didn't feel right to leave her there to death or forgetfulness… She would have been locked in that room until she rotted away or would be exterminated, should the Order ever find her…

And now, things had turned even more complicated than he had thought.

" _A Noah who doesn't know who she is… What is going on?"_

Tilting her head to the side in a barely perceptible way, the girl's eyes went to him and, this time, Allen _saw_ confusion on them… But even still, they remained somehow lost and serene, her face untouched by her own emotions.

It created a shiver on his nerves.

"Eh… Let's start with simple things, right? Can you remember your name, for example?" He tried. He had no experience with amnesia cases. What else could he even do? Her name sounded like a good starting point as any other.

For some seconds, the Noah seemed to consider the question and the lightest of frown _actually_ formed between her eyebrows. It was the most of "expression" Allen had seen on her until now.

"I… I think…" She said slowly, hesitating as she searched inside of herself for something, anything, that could guide her...

_"She doesn't remember"_ Allen thought as he waited. An insane idea came to him, that she didn't remember her name because no one had called for it in a long time. Another nonsensical imagery to add to those of this night, where all order of his life had been twisted around.

The girl remained still... She tried to think, tried to sense for something inside herself, cold echoing as she found nothing...

" _My... name... My name. What is it?"_

But she didn't know her own face...

Then there was something… Almost a shadow of a word floating aimlessly in the darkness.

"I think it is… Raz" The girl stayed in silence, tasting the word before repeating it, firmer this time. "Yes… Yes, that's it, my name is Raz…"

"Nice to meet you, Raz. I'm Allen Walker" He managed to smile more due to instinct, thought deep inside the doubt of _how_ he would explain the situation (and if it would be sensate to tell the whole truth) remained. To lie didn't sound right, however he didn't know how she would react or what she would do… What if she attacked him?

His left arm, despite working well when breaking her chains, was still heavy from Apocryphos's attack and it hadn't been long enough for him to feel comfortable in activating his Innocence in order to fight, even more now that he was out of the Ark… His nerves retracted with the memory of those feathers appearing, making his heart miss the rhythm.

He was tired and just wanted to go to the city nearby and get himself a place to sleep. To lie down and sleep, nothing more…

"Just Allen is enough, okay?"

Raz nodded slowly, still watching the boy, who moved in discomfort. She had no idea of where she was and yet, her mind seemed unable to form the questions that she knew she _should_ be making.

"So… Huh... Try thinking about something else. Can you remember anything more? The… Last place you've been or someone you spoke to?" It could be of some help if the girl could remember _how_ she had ended up in that room for starters, however it didn't take long for her to shake her head, never taking her eyes off him.

"Just my name…" More hesitation, during which she observed her grey hands resting on her legs as masses of dead meat. "You said I'm… _Noah…_ What is that?"

Allen knew better than just place his trust on anyone (even more a Noah), even if she didn't seem inclined to attack… But taking in account the state he had found Raz in…

He couldn't tell her all the truth, but he also couldn't just _lie…_

Right now, she wasn't a Noah. She was just a lost girl whose own name was the only thing she knew.

"It's a bit hard to explain… But putting it simply, they… They are a kind of person with some abilities…" Those weren't the terms by far. Allen had never thought it could be hard to describe the Noah and now, he found himself wanting to do so in a way that wouldn't give away the fact they were enemies. Without the context of that war, definitions and labels escaped him, slipping away and abandoning their elusive meanings. It was like describing a piece of the ground when all the rest had fallen in darkness, leaving only that point floating in the nothing…

Somehow, that was what had happened… Everything had broken, only ruins remained, too shattered for a person to even have an idea of what world they had formed someday.

" _Easy, go slow..."_

"The members of the Clan have grey skin… And some marks on their forehead, you have too…" He only hoped she would accept the vague and basic terms for now, it would be far too complicated to tell about Innocences and the Millennium Earl.

Raz's eyes remained on him.

"Are you telling me the truth?" In the emptiness of her existence, she could feel her brain starting to work, learning how to form thoughts, the patterns of her mind. Suddenly, in a way that was more _feeling_ than thinking, she considered her own question rather silly. After all, if this boy wanted to say something untrue, how would _she_ be able to know? She didn't ask if he was a "Noah" too, by the way he spoke, it was possible to deduce he wasn't.

Nothing here felt familiar.

At all.

She wasn't even sure how she had recognize her own skin to be... Out of place, somehow.

"I am" Allen answered as he stood, guessing that Raz wouldn't trust him easily, lack of memories aside. He didn't blame her. "Look, this forest is close to a city… We can go there, what do you think?"

If he had some luck, with some card games, he might earn money enough to pay at least for an overnight stay in some cheap inn… If he won several games, there was a chance to pay even for something to eat, although he wasn't hungry… The thought was followed by another: He had no idea for how long Raz had been in that room, but now he wondered how she hadn't _starved._

Raz stayed quiet for some seconds, studying his physiognomy and the hand he offered.

Apparently deciding there was no other choice, she accepted it. Her hand was weak on his.

So were her legs when she tried standing for her first time, as if her bones were too thin to support the weight of her body. The girl ignored the sensation, trying to force herself to find stability… There was no real _choice_ between following the white-haired boy or not… Either she did that or she could stay wandering in that forest with nothing besides her own name…

Even in her current state, the animal self recognized the only possible route.

Coldness was creeping inside her, mixing with that sensation caused by the weakness of movements: That she didn't truly belong in her own body.

"What do you intend to do with me?" She didn't know if he _intended_ to do anything and with her mind returning to life, questions were starting to be born and the fact they were still in the shape of sensations was what stopped her from giving them voice… Allen watched her lean her hand against a tree to help herself up, a bit surprised with what he had just heard.

"I… I don't have any plan…" He hoped his voice didn't sound as heavy as it felt. _"_ Well, just going to town and try to get some money"

After this, there was nothing.

Nothing…

Raz watched the strange boy, unsure she had understood the meaning of his words… The white hair that fell over his shoulders, the eyes of such a light gray that they were almost melted silver and the strange scar crossing a whole side of his face… The left arm, flesh as dark as solidified blood…

She whispered.

"Who are you _really?"_

Allen didn't answer right away… And his gaze turned to a point in the ground ahead, passing through grass and fallen leaves, as if searching for the answer in shadows and moonlight.

"I…"

More silence. Raz thought he wouldn't answer.

"I'm just a wanderer…" He whispered with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

The situation was awkward enough for both of them and the girl decided to save her questions for later. She didn't trust him in the least and couldn't know if what he had said even a single truth… It was the lack of a better choice that made her accompany him.

A shiver ran underneath her skin.

" _Who am_ I _really?"_

"Hey, Raz?" Though the girl tried to walk behind him, probably wanting to keep a safe distance, Allen stayed at her side. Having heard how people waking from comas could need some time to regain control of their muscles, he paid attention to see if Raz gave signs of such issues. Except for the moments when her legs trembled and she leaned her hand on a tree to firm herself, he couldn't be sure if she was experiencing great problems or if it was lacking of strength after being asleep for... Well, for how long she had been there.

He would have offered her assistance when it seemed to be about to become necessary, but perhaps the knowledge of what she was (or some deeper instinct) warned him that she would not have accepted.

" _Maybe she will recover faster than usual, being a Noah…"_ After all, there was no denying they were different, more resistant than other humans. Maybe the effects of a coma (if that's was what it had been) weren't the same for them?

The image of that shining circle and the strange chains pierced his mind from inside out.

Allen exiled those thoughts to the corner of his mind, it was not the time to dwell on such things and the possible implications.

"Do you think you could... Change your appearance?" He said slowly. The golden eyes slithered to him, still lacking emotion just like her voice.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Noah can change a bit… I mean, to look more like… Other people" He had almost said "normal people", but feared this would sound offensive.

"And what…" Then Raz understood. Or better, some instinctive part of her, where the knowledge of speech and walking remained, did. The boy's appearance could already call some attention with that scar, hair and arm. Her skin tone _definitely w_ ould… The girl had no idea of Allen's reasons to avoid such, however once she realized she shared the feeling, it did not matter anymore.

"I… I'm not sure…" Not only she wasn't sure if she _could,_ she had not the slightest idea of the workings of such process, still assuming this was all reality and not some lie from this strange boy who had silver in his eyes. And once again, she had little choice in the matter.

Allen had nothing to say to this. When Kanda had hurt him with Mugen and the memories (or genes, whatever the best term was) of Neah inside him had became agitated and caused a transformation, he had had no idea of what was happening and had just fought to not let himself be taken over, his eye reacting to Alma's soul, that was all…

With Raz was different, she _already_ was a Noah…

" _If I become possessed by the Fourteenth… What will happen_ to me?" Would his conscience be erased forever? Would he be caged in his own body, which would no longer be his, forced to watch as his friends were killed? What about his soul? And…

" _Don't think about it now"_

"I also don't know…" Every corner of his mouth felt bitter, thoughts creating a real taste of poison that was born in the depth of his throat. "Try to concentrate" He risked, aware that it wasn't much to go by. "It shouldn't be too hard"

The girl sighed, her opinion echoing his. Just that? To concentrate? It wasn't a great help.

" _But it's not like there is another idea, right?"_ And what would be the harm in trying? Raz tried to think about herself and tell her body to change (a feeling of foolishness coming to her while doing so) and considered closing her eyes to help… And soon gave up on the idea, this would _ruin_ any sort of concentration she achieved...

It shamed her a little, but there were seeds of dread growing bit by bit on her nerves… When people close their eyes, it's a common gesture. Their thoughts remain active, their memories are a strong ground… When Raz did so, she was assaulted by a sensation of falling inside herself… In an endless, dark emptiness.

" _No, concentrate…"_

Allen just watched.

For some long moments, nothing happened.

Then, slowly, it was as if the moonlight was making a home in her skin, its whiteness spreading through it and lightening the gray, the change as slowly as the night falling. The gold of her eyes melted and hid itself in the depths of the iris, leaving a bluish color behind… Only her hair remained untouched, the contrast with the morbid paleness making it darker than anything else Allen had ever set eyes upon.

"That's it! You did it!" He exclaimed when the change was complete, the black stigmas fading away, hiding under her skin. And yet, if before she had displayed a somewhat sick appearance, it was now intensified… Her paleness was that of a forgotten corpse, left to the snow.

The young woman stared at her own hands, held a strand of her hair and examined it, unsure of what to say or even act.

"And… What are we going to do in the town?"

**XxX**

" _I saw, he was with the Noah"_

" _Are you sure?"_

" _I knew we should have executed that Noah in the moment we found out what he was!"_

" _Allen brought the Ark to us and he helped a lot when that akuma of level four invaded the old headquarters."_

" _But a lot of people died. Who knows if that wasn't the plan since the beginning?"_

" _There were two Noah with that traitor"_

The of pain on his palms caused by fingernails pressed against the flesh helped Reever to hold himself, unable to not listen to the comments and whispers in the hallways that teased a storm inside him. All members of the Order were still shaken by the sudden events and the details had spread as hellish flames, taking everyone they touched.

And now, naturally, people didn't speak about other thing but the _appearing_ of the Noah and the _disappearance_ of Allen Walker… Even in the Science Department's room, the silence of before had died to given place to conversations that were slowly ceasing to be merely whispers.

One of the motives why, moments ago, Lenalee had gone to her room not wanting to talk to anyone. Komui had gone after his sister, clearly not wanting to leave her by herself, especially in the case of someone trying to bother her with more questions, since everyone already knew she had been the last one to see Allen…

They hadn't been the only ones to leave the room, either. No one was really working and those who tried to, couldn't concentrate.

Now, listening to comments floating around along with the emotions they contained, Reever walked through the hallways with head held high, fists closed until his nails made reddish half-moon shapes on his palms… There was a minimum (and strange) pleasure in the pain, though not enough to distract him from what happened around… Even this feeling was bitter. Sick. He knew this and even so, didn't even attempt to stop it.

Maybe he too should go to his room, or to the library… Anywhere where he could find at least some damn _silence_.

He noticed a figure of white coat and dark hair ahead.

"Supervisor Komui?" He called, approaching the man and passing by a group of people carrying some papers and talking in low voices. Reever didn't need to try to pay attention to guess the subject… The words " _dead", "Link"_ and " _Allen"_ were quite clear.

His nerves snapped, each of them dominated by the wish of turning to those people and..

And…

But what could he _really_ do?

"Reever" Komui greeted with a nod that was as if his head was leaning forward due to lack of strength, strings of flesh that held his neck in place along with the bone finally giving in. Reever thought that the last time he had seen Komui with a vaguely similar appearance had been during the Four Level Akuma attack after Allen and the others had come back from Edo... He kept his back straight, seriousness carved into every line of his face, however Reever had been working with Komui for many years to be fooled. In that point, it was impossible to mistake Lenalee and Komui for anything but siblings. Those who knew them could have glimpses of their hearts by looking in their eyes.

Besides, the man's shoulders were lowered. A shiver, nervous tick-like, was fixated in his left wrist.

"Weren't you with Lenalee?"

Komui nodded in the same way once more, a doll with a broken neck, as he resumed his walk.

"How… How is she?" Moronic question. How did he _think_ she would be?

"She…" Komui became silent for some seconds… Lenalee was very quiet when he had left her, refusing to even _speak_ while not wanting to sleep either, despite the exhaustion he could see in her. Knowing his sister as he did, Komui knew that the shock had wrapped her as a blanket, blocking the other thoughts and a part of her would rather remain like this… At least for some hours, if this meant a time (however small) of peace… Or the closest to it she could ever get.

She didn't want to face the situation...

He understood this wish, even if he didn't consider it _healthy_...

"She isn't fine. Still in shock… I think we're all a bit… I thought about giving her some hot chocolate…" Komui added, a bit too fast, words slipping before he could regain control.

He could remember when they were younger… Before Lenalee had been taken away… Sometimes, he would give her a hot drink during the night. And when he had joined the Order and finally got to see his baby sister again, there were times when Lenalee would wake up due to nightmares of fights and blood and akumas and he had resumed his habit. And in those brief moments, it was as if they were back to their true home, free and oblivious to that war and the sufferings…

Brief of moments of peace.

But it was something when she was a child waking due to a bad dream (" _except it wasn't a bad dream, it was her reality"),_ but today? Was that the best he could do for his sister _today?_

Pathetic… And in the end, useless. So useless…

" _I can't do anything for her… I couldn't do anything for Allen…"_

He had wanted to protect the Exorcists in the middle of that system that viewed them as nothing more than pawns to be sacrificed if necessary…

And this was how it had ended.

Useless.

He was useless as a brother... He was useless as a friend...

"It's… It's a bit strange. Usually, she is the one who brings a drink to you…" Reever commented, insecure… Any action or words seemed so empty. The two men just exchanged looks, having nothing else to say and while Komui went down the stairs, Reever followed another hallway.

Of course Lenalee was in shock… And as if it wasn't enough what had just happened regarding Allen, Levelier had tried to question her.

" _Yeah, sensibility's points to you, Levelier, your bastard…"_ He reflected with bitterness. And he had even mentioned Link's death, as if Allen could be involved… Please, if the Noah had been present, wouldn't _they_ be the most likely suspects?

" _I wouldn't be surprised if they had used Link's life as a bargain to force Allen to go with them. And then, they killed him without Allen knowing."_

Around, the whispers continued. A web, whose spider was some invisible force...

Yes, it was a possibility… And there were others that justified what had happened, too. Regarding Allen leaving alone… They didn't know the _details,_ but considering the last weeks...

But it was due to the fact that Allen had the Fourteenth genes that many ignored all the other scenarios in favor of that one in particular: That Allen Walker was a traitor.

" _Great_ family _we are…"_

**XxX**

Talk flowed in the air in sporadic waves, mutterings and words crawling one over the other as slugs or clashing like water, stations of radio intertwined of which it was possible to capt just terms out of context or noises… Some weren't even conversations, merely exchange of words disguised as such.

It wasn't exactly early, but there were still some people here and there in the inn, eating and talking or merely sitting in a corner, alone. It was a typical place, which major gain came from travelers passing by and who stayed just for some days before following their paths.

Like Allen and Raz.

Upon arriving in the city, the boy had immediately gone in search of pubs. Even at late hours of the night, the majority of them was still open and had its clients. Allen would stop near a window and cast a studying gaze inside… Groups of men leaning forwards on a table, others sitting near the bar with their arms on it and, sometimes, a man talking with a woman with sensual clothing who merely smiled to everything he said.

There were risks everywhere, sure, but he and the Noah girl would have less chances of attracting attention and of being bothered in establishments of medium clients, it would be safer… Two or three pubs that they passed by wouldn't have worked: One seemed too fine (they wouldn't allow card games, let alone their entrance); and another, too low for Allen to be sure that there would be intervention if someone sought to take their frustrations out in a fight or was too interested in a fun night with a girl, regardless of what she thought of it.

It was also true that they _wouldn't need_ intervention in any of those scenarios, but they also had no need of problems… The ideal was to join a game, get money, walk away.

Simple.

It was also a pattern that distracted Allen from himself. So, after analyzing the environment, he would enter and pretend to just observed around before choosing a random table ( _purposely_ close to a group that were holding cards)… Then, he would start to look at the game's direction, without standing, and pretending to be merely watching just to, after some moments, ask if he could join (with the world's most innocent and child-like expression that he had mastered for such occasions).

It had taken quite some time before he held a considerable quantity and proceed to search for an inn which overnight stay would be cheap enough (Allen had been surprised to find one to be honest) and that would accept him and Raz… A finer hotel wouldn't just be impossible to afford with what Allen had gained as it wouldn't accept two shabby teenagers and none of them was in their best state: Allen's hair was messy, his almost-black arm showing (and that _had_ earned some looks), his feet and the end of his pants dirtied, clothes crumpled. Raz was in a similar state and looked sick.

Not that Allen thought he looked better in this department.

"So… Is this an Inn?" Raz asked, merely moving the food in front of her with the fork, inspecting it and often her eyes would briefly slither around. Both were sitting near a window, in a wooden table and Allen could guess she was quite curious about everything, despite how it seemed that no emotion could truly touch the surface of her eyes or gestures... This had earned a few glances as well and Allen wouldn't have been surprised if some people had considered her victim of a tame insanity or too affected by a sickness that left her too weary for such... Whatever they thought, he found he didn't much care for. After all, in a way, it wasn't quite different of how people looked at his arm or his scar, their minds probably coming with their own explanations. As for him, Allen could only wonder if that apparently serenity of hers was due to shock and exhaustion or just the way she was... In a way or another, she gave the impression of being floating around somehow.

"Are we going to spend the night here?"

Allen nodded as he chewed. He hadn't been able to afford much and though the meat and rice were warm, they didn't have much to the palate. And this dull taste was exactly what his body seemed to desire, for somehow the lack of flavor was also a lack of _reality._

He was not hungry, anyway.

He merely ate for knowing his body would need it… And in some point inside, even after hours, he still felt the shards of his mind floating away from his brain.

And this was fine just as well.

"Yeah… At least for now. Maybe for a couple of days… I don't know. I'll still try to get more money" He would _need_ more, at least enough to pay for the days they would still stay there and it would be until he could afford a train ticket.

Not that he had any idea of where to go.

"With those… Cards?" During the games, not wanting to mess things up and still confused, Raz had merely watched in silence, completely lost not just with the game, but everything around. As soon as they left the first pub, she had inquired about that. As though she had more or less caught up the concept of _betting_ money, she hadn't understood those " _little cards with figures"._

"Yes, it's what there's to do" The boy answered, shrugging and also mentally remarking that they would need to buy some other things if they would be traveling from now on… While he watched, Raz just moved her food around a bit, which she hadn't taken even a bite yet.

While they wandered through the streets, there had been an awkward attempt of conversation. Raz had not made questions about him, how he had found her or about herself (for which he was grateful), probably opting to save them to later and first had tried to understand the world she had woken up to. Allen had noticed that, strangely enough, there were some concepts and objects whose meaning she still seemed to _know_ somehow, but had no real _memory_ of. It was as if the few notions and knowledge that remained in her were printed in her brain, nothing else.

And there were still many other things that she had no idea of what they were at all.

Allen hadn't asked if anything that had come across felt familiar to her, realizing that the answer would be negative and not wanting to pressure the girl, he preferred to leave her be.

The Noah poked a small piece of meat with the fork, examining it and even sniffing it a bit before giving it a careful bite… She had no memories about flavors of any sort.

Chewing slowly, she blinked.

"This… Is good..." The whisper was suave, almost as the fact was a surprise to her.

Allen nodded, in the wary way of people still knowing each other in a strange circumstance and muttered, leaning towards her.

"One of those days, you need to go to a _real_ restaurant, then you'll see what a good food is"

**XxX**

The black panther observed as the akumas dispersed through some portals of the black Ark. The subtle movement of her chest with the breathing and the glint of golden eyes the only indicatives that it wasn't a statue, save from when her tail waved, fur shining in the light.

Lulubell had been quite clear with her instructions: The akumas she had selected would search in several places, just like she would. Any information, they should report to her and _that would be it._ No attacks, no revealing themselves, _nothing._

At least, not yet.

There was a reason why the Noah of Lust, able to change her shape at will, had a preference for that of a feline: Any worthy hunter knew the value of patience and caution, of being able to wait for the precise moment to strike, leaving the prey with no hope of escaping, no matter how much it runs or fights. They were not dealing with a typical situation and a violent approach would be foolish. The Earl also had been objective about this Noah they had to find, first they were to evaluate the factors before taking any decision.

It was something she comprehended and agreed to. Precipitated actions were among the paths that were fast in leading to defeat in a chess game, after all.

Going back to her true shape, the woman threw her blonde hair to her back and walked through one of the Portals.

To feel that Noah had been that of some kind of fire lighting running through her organism, stirring each nerves' ending… While, when the genes of a Noah awakened on a new person, this sensation remained lit in waves that went up and down, allowing them to localize the person in question, in this case it had been just a brief shock...

It was alright. Even if they couldn't be sure of her location, they, as well as the akumas, could feel the presence of another Noah even after said awakening. At a limited distance, granted, but it was enough.

No matter what, they would find her.

Sooner or later.

" _A Noah can never escape another Noah"_

**XxX**

The library was empty, something that didn't surprise Reever in the slightest. This was what he longed for, what he _needed._ He wouldn't be able to stay for long, there was work to be done, but… At least some minutes of silence and peace…

He wasn't asking for much.

He didn't look anywhere as he walked through shelves and shelves, trying to organize his thoughts that moved in waves, crashing and interrupting each other, unable to follow one pattern alone.

Inside, he had apprehension for the future.

He could remember very well the day he had met Allen Walker, a year (almost two, realized) and some months ago… He was a little shorter then, looking just a scrawny boy with a bright red arm… Remembering the confusion with the Gate Keeper and how Kanda had almost cut the boy in half, Reever felt his body shiver with a weak laugh of a person who looks to a past of child-like innocence while the present is a battlefield, a ground made of blood and corpses.

He had never imagined back then that the things would reach a point such as this.

He shook his head. What was he doing? Drowning in his own thoughts wouldn't solve a thing and it wasn't in him to do so. At the same time, the night had become one of those that, while makes people long for the morning to bring it to an end, also make them afraid of what the sunrise will bring along with the light.

" _You're not a child, why are you acting as one?"_ He reprimanded himself, hitting his fist against one of the shelves. " _You should be thinking about what must be done now!"_

Yes, true, but the question was… What? What _must, could, should_ be done? Allen was officially a Noah to the Order, nothing would change this. Timcampy had no tracker, so they couldn't find him (neither could they establish a communication) and though Lenalee had swore the boy hadn't left with the Noah, who could ensure he hadn't been captured already?

The idea made him cold. He recalled far too well when he had seen those creatures, when they had awakened Alma Karma...

"Reever-san?" A meek voice came to him and when he opened his eyes, Reever saw it was Miranda Lotto, her dark brown hair loose, falling over the delicate shoulders, a bandage on the side of her face. "Are you alright?"

He sighed to himself, he didn't feel like talking to anyone, but there was no need or desire to be rude, either.

"Yes, Miranda… Just a bit tired…" He hoped she would take the hint and leave. She did the opposite and came closer, studying his face.

"No, you… You're not alright, sir…" She commented in an tone of insecurity. "I don't mean to pry or anything, but…" What she truly meant to say was that there was _no way_ he could be fine. There was no way _anyone_ would be fine this night… She had come in here seeking some sort of peace herself. Though it was possible to isolate oneself from the noise and some comments she had been listening to, there was no way to run away from her own thoughts.

This she had learned a long time ago...

They stayed in silence for some seconds until Reever gazed at her pale face and gave in.

"No, I'm not alright" He sighed. Miranda merely nodded and he noticed now that the corners of her eyes were reddish and her hands shivered. She hadn't her usual gloves on, leaving bare the scar of when the Noah Road Kamelot had pierced her flesh with her candles. Reever considered asking her what she thought would happen from now on, but soon changed his mind.

"What do you think that _really_ happened?" Her voice was low and fast, the question far more like a living being escaping its cage than a formation of sounds.

"The Noah came after him. Probably threatened to kill Link if he didn't cooperate and when they were leaving… Maybe because the agents of the Central were sent after them, they split up. I don't know, but somehow, Allen managed to escape" It was what he believed, it sounded the most _logical._

"And they killed Link anyway" Miranda completed, nodding again, a slow gesture. Her whole being was a doll ready to fall apart, her bones unable to sustain the body and it reflected in her eyes. Still, she was standing. She had to. "I believe it was something like that, as well"

Krory did too. The vampire Exorcist had been with her until a few moments ago and they had talked about it. The man had been divided, maybe due to his side that stirred when he drank akuma's blood, but it was as if he felt too much at the same time… Not that it was very different with her. Despite the pain, there was anger, fear and a great self-disappointment...

"I don't know what to do…" Reever growled, possessed by the need of taking that out of him.

Taking a deep breath, decided to not cry (she would rather do it when she was alone, not wanting to show weakness now), Miranda muttered to him.

"You know… Back on my city… Many times, I applied for jobs in which I had no experience… Well, of course I..." She chuckled a bit, a sound that came naturally when the need of masquerading true emotions was aroused. She had no desire of revealing how those memories were still thorns on her mind. Time had passed and they still hurt nevertheless. "I would always mess everything up. And ended up wondering why I had tried if I already knew it would go all wrong…"

After everything was ruined, after having failed once more, she always asked herself why she had been so foolish and why she had insisted...

Only to go and try again.

For a while, Miranda hadn't understood her own actions, being unable to resist the impulse she was not the mistress of. After all, wasn't insisting on repeating what one knew to be a mistake while hoping for different results, foolishness? Wasn't it what she was doing insisting in something even knowing it wouldn't work? Following this, she was a mere fool...

She had also feared it to be a twisted thing.

Which, in turn, meant _she_ was twisted.

Right?

"However… Later, I understood." She carried on, hoping she wasn't bothering Reever as she went to the point. "I would rather regret trying than regret _not_ trying"

She took a deep breath, turning her dark brown eyes to Reever, who saw in them the kind of mist that softly covered deeper feelings. Ignoring the shivering lower lip, Miranda completed before he could think about something to say.

"So… We need… We _must_ do the best we can" It sounded easy, but most things did when put in words. "And have hope and faith…"

Reever nodded.

It was _all_ there was left to do.

_For now…_

**XxX**

After all the action he had had in such an endless night, Allen had hoped that he could fall asleep as soon as he laid down, his mind too tired to even conjure a dream… He would have been able to sleep even in the hardest floor…

It soon proved to not be the case, after all.

Wrapped in the covers, turning his body from a side to the other occasionally as his muscles screamed for rest and remained unable to relax, sleep refused Allen. And even with his mind exhausted, his thoughts wouldn't cease either.

The silence tore apart the fragile chains of the worst thoughts and memories, which once free could flow in images and words that he had no strength to contain. Even so, Allen tried if not to block them, at least distract himself as he waited for the blessing of unconsciousness… However, minutes dragged and became hours.

The moments of a long sleepless night, in which our thoughts become crows pecking out sanity, are far too long.

" _The Order and the Noah will be after you…"_

Link in the floor, white feather-like things of a strange texture around him.

" _I need to think what I have to buy to traveling…"_ Yes, after all, it wouldn't do to just wander with nothing but the clothes he had now. At the same time...

" _Stop, don't think, don't think…"_

Meeting with Miranda and the others once he had arrived on Edo, so many months ago…

" _Careful, if Raz remembers everything, she may cut your throat while you sleep."_

" _Shhh, no, think about other things."_

Lenalee crying, asking him to come back with her…

Crying because of him.

" _How will it be, if you meet Lenalee, Krory or the others?"_

" _What are they doing now?_

Krory, Lavi, Miranda and Lenalee staring at him with such despise… The image was only in his brain, but it was strong enough to feel like a true memory…

" _They'd never… Never, they are my friends, never, I trust them"_ The thought sounded too much like a child's plea and once more, he tried to imagine what they would be doing… He just hoped Lenalee wouldn't be in trouble for being the last person who had seen him.

" _Maybe they are calling me a traitor"_

With a groan, Allen turned in his bed, sinking his face on the pillow. As much as he wanted, that storm wouldn't stop. Scenarios passed by his mind, images of things that _could_ happen mixing with memories (good and bad), things that _had_ happened, hitting the sane line that separated his mind from the reality outside.

" _You carry two monsters inside you. You just sow chaos and conflict wherever you go"_

" _Damn, enough,_ please, _enough…"_

The thoughts laughed at him.

" _To the Order, now, you're an enemy. Just that."_ But… Just because he carried the memory of a Noah inside? Even if he had been… _Was_ an Exorcist? And he… He was _human_ with an Innocence on his body, whose purpose was to save Akumas and defeat Noah… But… If even so he was host of a Noah at the same time… Then…

_What was he?_

Allen turned on his back, surrounded by silence and biting his lower lip as he opened his eyes.

He couldn't take this anymore.

Turning once more, he looked to the side.

Raz's bed was empty.

Sitting, Allen saw her.

The room was quite bare, save from the two beds, a nightstand between them and a small table. The window, though, was large and with dark curtains, the windowsill on inside large enough to someone to sit or lie down on it. And that was where Raz was, seated and leaning her back on the wall. A leg stretched in front of her, the other up and her elbow resting on the knee. She had opened the curtain just a little in order to look through the glass and remained there, still as a nightmare or a corpse.

Not for the first time, Allen felt a shiver. For what he could see, she still seemed rather calm, but he had already guessed that her face muscles hadn't remembered how to be touched by emotions.

"Can't sleep as well?" She asked in the tone of an undisturbed lake, not even glancing at his direction. Confirming with his head and a grumble, Allen stood and went to her.

At that moment, even what he remembered of the cruelty of the Noah was in no way worse than his own thoughts.

"No…" He sat in front of her in the windowsill. "And... And you, why aren't you sleeping?"

He regretted the question immediately, realizing how it sounded. If he had ever woken up on Raz's situation, it was most likely that he wouldn't be able to rest as well. The Noah girl stayed in silence for some minutes, studying him and Allen had time to take a better look at her and the shade of her eyes, blue with grayish traits that, under the weak moonlight, were like stones.

Raz reflected briefly. In the few minutes she had spent in that bed, she had been unable to find any rest. No matter how much she tried, there was nothing in her mind that even resembled a memory further than this night, nor there was a way distract itself while waiting for sleep... She _knew_ some terms and concepts, such as colors and some objects for example, but it wasn't the same… Whatever had happened to her, the knowledge had survived inside her, but Raz didn't have any idea of _where or how_ …

Trying to search in the depths of herself for some memory, _any whatsoever,_ was to fall in a darkness where nothing existed besides nothing in itself _… S_ he didn't even need to try remembering, all she had to do was to close her eyes and that endless pit would have her once more.

And Raz knew that this hollowness, so complete and absolute, was inside her.

It _was_ her.

It was her _inexistence._

She couldn't remember even her own face.

Oh, the girl knew the colors of her skin and hair, but just because she had seen them in the forest upon opening her eyes… Later, when she had excused herself and went to the inn's bathroom, she had seen herself in the mirror... Then she had touched her face, examining her own features not without curiosity and a strange sensation…

_Who was she, after all?_

_How could she exist, if she didn't remember being alive?_

The only faces in her mind were of the people she had seen in the street tonight and of that boy, Allen, and not due to any sort of sentimentalism, but because there were _no other faces…_ There was nothing. No faces or voices to think about, no flavor to remember, no place or predilections… And the emptiness spread inside her, darkness devouring organs until she was merely a glass doll.

Her mind was empty. Her body was empty.

Empty, dark and cold…

With this, Raz thought that to be filled with lies wasn't quite _that_ bad… At least for _now. Anything_ was better than the alternative. _  
_

Tormented by such sensations, the girl had decided it was better to stay up and had took a seat by the window, watching the moonlit street.

But she had no means of transcribing this into words.

"I'm confused." She turned her gaze back to the window. Down there, a man walked around, tripping and apparently drunk out of his senses.

"I imagine…" Allen nodded meekly, pulling part of the curtain away as well and looking through the glass. Despite everything, he discovered that he would have liked to have something to tell her, to make her feel better. It was just the way he was. But nothing came to mind.

"What are we going to do? Tomorrow?" The girl wondered slowly as she opened the window a little. Her straight hair was so thin that it seemed to shiver in the breeze as a dark lake. "You said you're going to try get more money…"

"To pay for the next days we're going to stay here… And we'll need some other things, too." He hesitated, unsure if Raz had any notion of what would be necessary. Maybe she didn't, but could imagine?

More silence from her part until she whispered.

"Packs?" She risked, tentatively.

"Well... Two would be better. And some food…" Allen could feel a part of his mind getting clearer as he talked."We need to think about every eventuality"

He looked at the girl. Her clothing was of the same curious type he had seen the Noah wearing in a few occasions. Hers were a kind of crossing between a sleeveless blouse and a long coat, due to the tail with a vertical cut in the middle that fell to her ankles. Long pants, with a thin line on each outside of the legs, crossing the fabric from the hems to her thighs. The suit could have been white, maybe even silver-like, but now it was an old and dull gray, the hem of the pants tore and dirtied with earth. So were the ends of the blouse's tail.

"And we're going to need clothes."

* * *

**Ana: And one more chapter. There is nothing much to say here, though this chapter was a bit hard to write. The whole scene between Allen and Raz was quite awkward due to their situation.**

**Raz: Well... After all, what happened to me?**

**Ana: As if I'm going to tell now, right?**

**Reever: Did you really have to make everyone depressed?**

**Ana: And would _anyone_ be skipping happily around after that mess? **

**Reever: Point taken.**

 


	3. Act Three – Of Memories and Demons

" _There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery" – Dante Alighieri_

 

The first days dragged by in the manner of a long dream from which there was no waking up.

In the first morning after their arrival in that town, as his mind reached consciousnesses, Allen had had a second of peace... In retrospect, it had felt longer than that due to the relief it carried since, in that moment, he had truly believed himself to be in the dungeons of the Order, to be home… Until reality had bloomed in his mind once more, a flower that had closed its petals as Allen slept (only when his body had finally been defeated by exhaustion and the boy was well aware that the same applied to Raz).

The events of last night had come back to his mind and he didn't know if he would rather be in the inn or back in the dungeons, _before_ all that had happened… Link lying in the floor… Apocryphos… The pain caused by those white feathers… Tyki putting Road on his arms… The face of Lenalee, scarred by tears…

" _I'm sorry..."_

Only the sensation of an objective pushed him to carry on as he remembered of his promise to Mana. To _keep going on…_ Always forward. This had accompanied him for years and so it would until his death.

He had to hold on to it.

It was the only thing that _still_ made sense.

The only thing he _could_ do.

But he couldn't remember it being so hard. The desire of just remain in bed, to hide himself from the world and just stay there, still and in silence, was far too great...

It was despair such as he had never tasted before, even when he had lost his Innocence.

Still, Allen had tried to focus himself on what to do and after a bath, he had gone out with Raz, both walking around the city, searching for bars and cheap stores. They spent the day like this until, by the sunset, they headed back to the Inn… And the day after was the same, in the manner of a pattern being weaved into shape. And it was enough, for the days felt longer with that numbness that wouldn't leave him.

The card games helped, for they demanded attention and acted as weights, a mental help that forces the mist away. The objective of getting money enough to get ready for a trip (though he still didn't know _where to)_ distracted him as well… And there was Raz, as well.

While they had talked and made a small list, seeing ways to calculate their gains of the day and dividing it between the Inn and a saving for their needs, there was also the issue of her memories.

Now it was the seventh day of their stay and the Noah hadn't made any questions regarding him.

Allen had soon got the sensation that Raz _really_ didn't believe his story, but had merely accepted it due to the current condition… Maybe she was waiting him to tell her everything eventually or maybe she was more concerned with learning (or re-learning) about the world to which she had woken up to, as empty as a doll.

As the boy had imagined, there was knowledge that she had somehow retained, but there were also many things of which nature she had virtually no idea of. When they entered a bar, she always took a seat near him and watched the game, very quiet, but during their walks the girl would sometimes ask for explanations about things she saw or heard. One of those times had been when they had visited the local train station as Allen wanted to note the tickets' prices, only to Raz to reveal she had no idea of what a train even was.

It also wasn't unusual for her to stop by or spy stores with the corner of her eyes.

So Allen also had several things to explain to her about and it was another welcomed distraction. And when they were not dealing with such explanations, they would talk about plans, their shopping or even the most frivolous of subjects... Although he couldn't be certain, Allen was under the impression that such topics were just as welcomed by Raz...

Until now, the Noah girl had displayed no signs of violence.

" _That's for_ now, _but what if her memories come back suddenly?"_ He wondered by the nightfall of the second day, lying in bed, aware that she, either due to her own thoughts that chased away dreams or reasons unknown, was seated on the windowsill. The return of her memories didn't seem to be about to happen, at least not anytime soon, however… And when they did? What would _happen?_ Would she attack him or just leave to find the other Noah?

Allen had decided that there was nothing he could do regarding this. He couldn't very well just abandon Raz all alone, it wouldn't be _right_ in her current state… And if she did end up remembering and attacking him… Well, then he would fight and run away. With this idea, Allen tried to hide the thought deep in his brain… The situation was enough to deal with without having to focus in such hypothesis.

However, he was right about one thing: _Raz wasn't sure if she believed him or not._

On a side, there was physical evidence that neither she nor the boy were what could be considered "normal". His left arm (hidden under old bandage-like cloths that he had asked the inn's owner for), his star-like shaped scar that went down in a fine line across his face, were enough to attract gazes from strangers and some men would comment on it, especially when inebriated by either the game or whatever it was they used to drink at such times… And she, who hadn't forgotten how the true color of her skin, under the white of now, was actually of gray ashes forgotten in a fireplace.

Not that the girl had ever took on that appearance again.

Yes, they were not… _Normal._ But Allen hadn't said a word about himself or more details about the " _Noah",_ whatever they were... And it wasn't as if she _didn't_ have any questions; often the temptation of asking for more information in order to create some more solid sensation inside her had danced in front of her eyes in a sadistic way, so much that the echoes of its laughing seemed too real even if it was merely inside the void she still felt.

But Raz had held back. It wasn't just because she wasn't sure she believed a thing that Allen Walker say or not… It was all so confusing that she had found it better to keep her attention in asking about simpler things, trying to get out of the maze she was in first before going to such topics.

For now.

"What about those shirts?" She suggested when seeing a table with some garments of different colors and types under a sign of _"special sale"_ in one of the clothes stores that they had found.

"They seem good" The boy answered, picking a white one to examine it. They were simple, not very different from the one he was wearing, though he would rather have something with long sleeves. The cloths on his arm weren't bad, but he needed a more practical thing.

"Didn't we see some gloves yesterday in that other store down street?" She remembered when he voiced the thought. Her voice was still low and he wondered if that quiet quality was due to lack of use or if it was normal in her. "There was a pair that went up to the elbows" Until now, they had gotten shoes (for her), two backpacks that were actually pretty resistant, besides two changes of undergarments. Even so, Raz had chosen to keep the white suit that she had been wearing when Allen found her.

The white-haired boy hadn't inquired about the reasons behind it and Raz discovered she was grateful for this. Even _she_ didn't know why, it wasn't as if the strange suit held any meaning to her, even in the most basic instinctual levels of nerves and emotions.

"We could take two" Allen commented, observing the tag price and thinking about the amount they had saved to the day's spending and turned to her with incentive. "Pick one for you too"

Raz observed the options for an instant. Allen had already noticed that, most of the times she had to make a similar choice, the first reaction was of... Hesitation. At least it was the better term available, in his opinion.

" _How must it be like?"_ He wondered, studying her. " _To not remember anything besides your name? No favorite colors or places?"_ The idea, one he had been giving more attention after meeting Raz, disturbed him, a harsh touch under his skin and between his flesh. How would it be if he forgot _Mana?_ Or Lavi and Lenalee? Or everything about himself?

A cold shiver was born in his nerves and echoed in his blood.

And even now, the memories of them were sources of warmth and coldness at the same time. There was the love he felt for them, the happy moments they had shared and the comfort of their friendship... But all of this was tainted by whispers of fear that they would hate him, seeds of doubt that threatened to grow and worse, an empty space inside him that caused such a pain that it was almost physical: _He_ _missed them._

"Just... Just take the one you like the most" He tried suggesting in a gentle tone, as he had no idea of how to deal with a situation such as this and thought he would never get used to it. As for Raz, she detested that sensation of not knowing _herself._ Even if she did try, it was still too early for her to be able to remember (or even develop) any sort of preferences. In a sense, all the colors looked the same, nothing about them had any effect or looked better than the others, so she just randomly picked a bluish one. Allen nodded.

"It matches your eyes a bit"

Upon leaving the store, the sunset's light touched their faces as it spread through the streets. The afternoon's breeze carried the promise of night's coolness. A woman passed by them holding hands with a small blonde boy that laughed, holding a sack with breads to his chest.

Typical end of day, a calm noon approaching twilight…

But both of them felt apart, their bodies covered by an invisible layer that distanced them from all that.

"Allen…" Raz started, arranging the bag on her hand. "When we were in that bar yesterday…" The boy nodded. "Why didn't you keep betting with that man?" Raz had realized right in the first games the obscure aura that Allen emitted in those occasions and until now, he had lost not even a single time, so his refusal to keep going had been a bit of a surprise that she couldn't understand.

Allen remembered. The man in question had been a black-haired one whom Allen had gamed against until he had called the quits, despite the man insisting that they kept playing and showed more notes that he was willing to bet, waving them in his hand. Despite the amount being reasonable, Allen had been unmovable and ignored the screams being thrown to him as he left; a mix of pleads and provocations.

Allen knew that type.

"That man… You saw him, he lost several rounds and still wanted to go on? By his state, he would end up betting more than he could or should." It wasn't a supposition. Part of what made a great player was to know the opponent and, in this point, Allen had good observation skills and could read others with easiness. There were several types of players, some categories intercrossing, and he had recognized which one the man belonged almost in the hour he had taken a seat.

A shrugging from Raz that, more than her face, expressed she wasn't following exactly. Allen shook his head, not entirely sure that she really didn't comprehend or just didn't care… But his bets were in the first option. Though her face was a mask of unchanging serenity, as the muscles no longer knew how to move according to emotions, he could catch glimpses in her eyes.

"In this business, you end up hearing all kinds of stories or even being witness of some… I've seen people betting all the money they had and losing it all. You know what they did then?"

"They went back home…" It was the most logical action, but Allen seemed to find it amusing.

"That's what you would expect, but no. They still tried to bet more" He turned his gaze forwards, remembering. Some meters in front, sitting in a bank, two girls chattered happily. "Once, some years ago, I was watching a group… Evaluating my changes and waiting for the moment" He added. "And one of the guys insisted in betting the engagement ring of his own daughter… Do you get what I mean?"

Raz blinked.

"If I'd accepted that, he would end up betting more than he should… More than he had even" It was clear that someone else could easily take up the challenge (especially with the easy win), but Allen refused to take part in which could very well lead to someone's fall. After winning the last game, he had even told the man that he should go home and call it a day, but he had been ignored.

"Where did you learn to play like this after all?" The girl asked shaking her head, the movement making the dark hair shiver on her back. "You _never_ lose."

"Because I cheat." The boy explained without blinking and would have laughed, but the idea still made his body dry inside. Raz blinked twice, lifting her eyebrows a little, though she _was_ a little surprised, for she had never thought that Allen would be really able to do something considered "wrong", even if she had seen how different he was when playing cards.

"I've learned when I was younger" The boy told as they entered the inn and waved to the keeper before going upstairs. Without turning back, Allen carried on. "My master was always leaving his bills in my name or would vanish before collectors appeared. So it ended up with me having to deal with a way of paying for it"

Raz wanted to ask who this "master" Allen mentioned was (and master of _what?)_ but allowed it to be nothing more than a wish. He took his copy of the room's key. The sheets on the beds had been changed, but besides that, the only difference was the backpacks resting near the window. At first, he had thought about keeping the new clothes in the closet (no matter how little they had), but had changed his mind… No matter how much he wanted to push the matter away, truth was they were in a constant risk of being found by the Order or the Noah at any moment.

Once more, Allen felt the hold of cold claws in his soul becoming stronger. Would that sensation ever go away someday? Would there be an hour, a second even, when he wouldn't hurt that way?

"At first…" He started again fast, unaware that the cadence of his voice was slightly out of the rhythm, but Raz noticed. "I was just learning to control better my left arm…" In the circus, always with gloves to hide it and with the deformed fingers, he didn't use it as much as his right arm. Not to mention how Cosimov used to… No, _that_ was a snake in his mind that he didn't want to disturb.

"So, with time I learnt some tricks and, well, here I am!" He turned after leaving the bag at the side of the backpack. "When I play, it's to win! Cards are always ion my favor, so if you're going to play against me, be ready to lose!"

"I'll keep that in mind" Raz nodded, that serene, almost flowing-like tone of always. "Well… Then remind me to _never_ try to play against you, will you?" That if she even came to _learn_ someday. Allen had explained some rules and some games and offered himself to teach her a bit, but Raz had ended up realizing she would rather watch the games than to take part.

For an instant, the remembrance of the battles in the Ark tore his mind apart. When he had fought against Tyki, he had told him he would rather have that all that was nothing more than a poker game, where no one had to die… He felt as if that memory was older than it actually was, almost as if coming from another life. The snow of worries and other events had buried it, speeding the process of aging it.

He tried to bury it once more.

"Allen?" Raz called, head a bit tilted to the side. The muscles of his face moved, controlled by mechanical cords and he smiled.

"If that happen someday, I'll remind you, leave it to me" There was almost a double sense in that, in the case of Raz someday decided to fight him. Allen ignored that thought as well. There were more important things to deal with and he went to one of the backpacks, picking some notes tied together and took others from the pocket.

"Well, we had a good gain… There is a bit left from shopping, too." He made calculus in mind. They had enough to pay for two train tickets and a bit more for eventualities. "Do you think we need more clothes? What else there is in the list?"

"I'm not sure… We haven't bought any food yet" Raz commented as she read a small piece of paper with some words risked in the firm writing of Allen. They exchanged looks… The reason they hadn't done a thing about that particular item was because they hadn't even decided where to go… And the idea birthed tension in them, for the most varied reasons.

" _Do we really have to go? Why can't we stay here?"_ She thought of sudden, thought the idea _sounded_ strange and pale, not receiving the nutrients of true will. She wanted to discover who and _what_ she was and how would that ever happen if she stayed in that city? " _Will I ever remember?"_

A question without answer, but to which she had gave a lot of thought (especially in the silence hours of the night where she found no rest and thoughts dragged around her mind as worms devouring her sanity) and had decided it wouldn't be any good to remain still, waiting. In a way or another, she would seek answers.

Allen could be lying… Or telling the truth.

But even if that's was the case, he hadn't told her _all_ the truth yet.

"Why do you want to leave?"

Silence.

Raz felt her shoulders hardening when she realized she had said that and not just thought.

Allen looked at her, not knowing how to answer… He had expected several questions, including that one, but… It was harder to explain than it was to feel. He still didn't know how he would do it… Any answer of _any_ question would give birth to more questions… Everything became tangled in a spider's web containing storms and he couldn't separate the threads to explain each one individually.

He could tell her everything at once, but the difficulty remained.

Before he could think about what to say, Raz lifted her hand.

"I'm sorry… You do not need to tell me if you don't want to" At least not yet. Simplifying, both wanted to leave town. He hadn't hurt her at any moment, explained things that she didn't know… Those were already good points to stay with him, were Allen lying or not.

The boy closed his mouth and nodded.

Looking at her, a thought that had already been formed in his blood came to touch his mind... That even though she had kept her human appearance ever since waking up, there was still something in her that denounced her nature to be that of a different creature, as if she was something else hiding underneath a mere _veneer_ of humanity... This was a sensation he had felt when meeting with Noah before, but he had always considered that it was reasonable considering he knew what they were...

Yesterday, though, he had heard a couple of guys muttering about him and Raz. Whispers about him were not uncommon, but even if he hadn't heard the complete phrases, he had caught the meaning easily enough that they had been wondering if Raz was victim of some sort of madness. It was not an unfounded question, despite how it sounded. Perhaps it was her that, due to her condition, nature escaped in her eyes or it could be the natural animal instinct that recognizes a being as belonging to another species no matter how alike it might seem... The way her face remained unmoved, the depth of her gaze...

He looked at her. Her face, pale as snow, her eyes that could be made of gray-blue stones... Underneath that glamour, there was gray and gold to be found.

Perhaps it was more obvious to him because he knew what she was, even if she herself did not.

" _You do know you should tell her"_ A voice in his mind whispered. " _She_ has _the right to know, it is cruel to let her stay like this..."_

"It's complicated, Raz…" He started. "But… There are some people after me. It isn't safe to stay for long in one place." He hesitated, but since he had started, decided to carry on a little more. "And there are things that I need to find out." Why such a simple truth still left such a trail of bitter taste in his mouth?

It was what he had been thinking a bit before of… Well, have a kind of seizure and being attacked by Apocryphos… That he had been just hating the Fourteenth without knowing anything about him or his side of the story. And he had wondered if anything would change should he learn it.

"I see…" The girl agreed with her head, signalizing she understood and that it was enough of an answer. She didn't want to pressure him, just as he didn't pressure her. "I think… Then we're sort of alike regarding this."

Allen repeated the gesture slowly. Yes… In this point, they were alike. Both lost and searching for truths in a maze of mirrors. The image was a bit appropriated.

"We are" He said, before deciding to change the subject. "Hey, let's get some dinner, I'm starving!"

"And we still can search some bars later" She suggested and would have tried to smile a little, but she wasn't sure she would know how to do it. "There must be some people still who don't know that they shouldn't challenge you in cards."

**XxX**

Sitting in the edge of a roof she observed without moving a muscle.

There were no doubts about the scene unrolled in front of her and she had always been more leaning to accept facts and analyze then rather than elude herself, repeating useless mantras such as " _it can't be"_ or " _impossible"._ Those were attitudes she regarded with cold despise.

And even with the report she had received recently had made her think that there should be a mistake, incomplete and untrustworthy information, now, seeing with her own eyes, she accepted the true in its pure form.

Even so…

Lulubell arranged her tail around her paws.

A band of akumas had been attacking a nearby city and one of them had told her that, while passing over here, had felt an unknown aura of Noah. After the attack, instead of going back, it had investigated and found something else which had made the Noah of Lust doubt the akuma (even if in such search, mistakes were basically impossible).

Allen Walker was with the Noah.

Lulubell had no idea of how this was even possible.

Using one of the Black Ark's portals, she had arrived in town recently and took a way to the inn from where the akuma had affirmed to have felt the presence of the Noah. It had been good measure to warn them to not get too close, for its presence would have certainly have warned Allen Walker… Instead, the akuma had kept itself in the skies, at a better distance and used its superior vision.

Now, at a shorter distance, Lulubell could feel the girl's presence. It was something as natural as scenting a perfume, except it wasn't a sense that could be explained for it wasn't concentrated in the eyes or skin, but dissolved in blood and nerves.

No doubt, it was her.

Through the inn's window, Lulubell could see them eating and, for a brief second, she recognized that the scene seemed _quite_ weird, a Noah and an Exorcist having dinner together and talking!

But she didn't allow herself to wonder about it for long.

This was beyond unexpected. And there was no sense to be taken from it.

Why would a Noah be near an exorcist without trying to kill him? Truth that the Earl had made very clear that they shouldn't harm Allen Walker, but _she_ had no means of knowing this. And how had they even met? Could it be that she was lying and deceiving Walker for some reason? Her mind ran over the hypothesis, evaluating and generating others at the same time she analyzed the possible results of each.

Golden eyes sparkled in the night, frozen flames that accompanied the white-haired boy and the bluish-black haired girl as they left the inn and followed a street. Conjectures were worthless. Hypotheses were no more than ideas.

Her tail waved.

" _I have an order for you…"_ She sent a thought to the akumas that wandered in the skies, some hidden by clouds and others so far away that the moonlight in their metal bodies made they spark with the coldness of cemeteries' stars.

" _Attack Walker. Do_ not _let him realize you won't kill him"_

Before taking any decision, it would be better to find out more about the true nature of the situation.

The black cat jumped with grace to another roof, accompanying the young teens as if they were two mice. The akumas were getting closer fast, focused in nothing more than obey her command. Lulubell felt the enjoyment preceding the hunt.

" _Let's see what_ you both _will do"_

**XxX**

"I think we could try up street" Raz muttered. "There was a bar passing by the square, that one with the fountain."

Allen knew of what she was talking about. That one, as many where he had played in other nights, was a kind of pub, clean and organized, contrary to some bars they had visited in their first days, places whose smell of beer was bitter and old, clients muttering to themselves or screaming and laughing in loud, lost voices.

"I haven't played there" He commented, nodding. "Okay, let's try it first" As he had explained her, if they gamed every night in the same establishment, people would end talking. Some players kept tales of games to themselves or friends, but others would speak to whoever gave them a second of time and, from a mouth to another, stories grew easily. And as soon as someone came asking for a pale boy of white hair and a scarred face, the answer would be immediate.

So, there were places he had gone twice already and others he had been just one time. He had given some thought to the idea of making a routine, but the point remained: If there was a bar he frequented by Mondays, two weeks would be enough so people would recognize him.

" _Not that we will stay for much longer, I guess"_ He reflected that it was a bit of a pity… It was such a pleasant city. " _Makes me remember of when Master disappeared"_ There was a kind of irony in this, wasn't it? Maybe he should have asked Cross to teach him to disappear from the face of Earth as he had done.

" _Not that there_ is _what to ask, not when he had Maria with him."_

"Allen?" The girl called, hand landing on his shoulder lightly and bringing him back to the present. When he turned to Raz, she removed her hand, tilting her head to the side. "Are you… Alright?"

"Hm? Yeah, sure… Why the question?"

"You're looking around in a weird way…"

"Weird how?"

"I don't know, just… Weird." She shrugged a bit, showing that she couldn't define it exactly, but still tried. "A bit as if… The way you get from time to time. As if you were searching for something that you lost…" It was more than that. The idea he transmitted was that what he searched for could never be found and he still tried… Eyes dull and quiet.

Raz longed to ask what had happened, but she didn't want him to tell her anything if _Allen_ didn't want to, reason why she hadn't insisted earlier on. But not even so could she keep herself alienated from that kind of look.

"I was just thinking about some stuff…" He smiled, waving his hand. "Ah, but it is nothing. Don't worry, okay? Listen, I think we should start thinking where we could go."

Raz shook her head, lifting her hands.

"Hey, that's more with you" She answered with firm voice. "Anywhere is good to me" The fact did disturb her a little. They had taken a look into a map in the train's station that showed other cities and trains they could catch, but nothing there wakened any sensation or curiosity. Her world, since she had woken up, was limited to that city.

"I don't know too" Allen confessed. He knew he needed answers, but where could he get them? "Maybe we should just… Keep going forward" The words came with the naturally of an answer that was already instinctive in some occasions.

Maybe noticing something in his voice or just curious for the choice of words, Raz repeated as a child trying to confirm if she understood what an adult just said.

"Going forward?"

"Well… It's what Mana used to say" Allen told her with a shy smile, words bringing with them the memory of the man, sound and image chained to one another. A small shadow formed on Raz's forehead when she frowned slightly, corned of mouth rising a bit, signals light as waves in a lake, but that Allen already knew and explained better. "Mana… He... Was my father."

It was the first time he ever mentioned any sort of family. Raz kept her silence and hesitated before touching his shoulder again. Allen still smiled, his eyes reflecting the memories.

They were deep inside him. The time after Mana's death had days of darkness and pain and he didn't remember those very well, but they didn't matter. What he did remember was after his wound had became a scar and he could leave Mother's house with Cross, he often spent the time before sleeping just lying down and remembering Mana, pulling all moments from his memory as best as he could, afraid, _oh so afraid_ , that they would fade with time…

It was his greatest fear and even now, the possibility frightened him to the point his mind would bring forward all he remembered about his father just to prove that it wasn't happening…

At the same time, it opened the wounds.

The voice, so suave and kind… The faces Mana would make when trying to make him laugh, even when he was rude and how he would hold his hands when teaching him new tricks and how to juggle… And he taught him to feel a sort of warmth he had never known. Back then, he was angry and was ashamed of himself when he woke up screaming (or trying to not to, since waking up anyone in the circus used to mean a beating), but Mana never said a thing or got mad, he just held him close and sometimes told stories Allen had never heard.

He would never hear that voice or that laugh again. He would never feel that hug or those big hands holding his ones…

" _Mana…"_

"He took me in when I was little…" The boy told without thinking why. "We traveled together, so he always…"

His blood froze.

His left eye sent a ray of warning to the mind.

The nerves reacted, becoming shards of glass.

"Allen?"

"Raz, _RUN!"_ He grabbed the girl, running to the fountain. A bright ray hit the ground in answer to the movement, breaking the asphalt. They both looked up, Allen's eye shining in red, a lent almost liquid-like appearing over it circled by a silver gear.

Akumas.

More than he could count at first glance, moving in air and surrounding them as hyenas. The few people nearby screamed and ran for it. At his side, Raz was still and he felt her stiff arms.

"Allen…" She muttered, but didn't say anything else. Allen didn't wait.

"Raz, just stay here and take cover!" From some corner of his mind, a little voice screamed that it was a foolish thing to say, she was a _Noah,_ she wouldn't be harmed. But in that moment, that didn't make a difference.

Raz's mind seemed unable to process the events. In a second she had been talking to Allen and then his eye had turned strange and he had pulled her with him, having to stop near the fountain. And now, things floated in the air, of an aspect as metallic as organic, a mixture of both creating obscene parodies.

What were those…

" _Akumas"_ The term tore the barrier of confusion, digging its claws in her brain. She had no idea of how she _knew_ that, but the certainty was powerful. Those things were akumas.

A white ray appeared again. Allen jumped, landing on his feet, without losing balance. The things made sounds, mockery and laughs.

"Allen, what do you think you're doing? Let's get out here!" Raz called and, for the first time ever since she had woken up, her voice had risen to turn into a cry. Allen didn't even turn to her, eyes fixated on the sky. What was he doing? Those things would kill him!

"Exorcist! Exorcist!" One of them laughed, rubbing his teeth with the sound of nails against a blackboard. The voice was shivered, as passing by shards of ice and the eyes were saliencies in its metal head. "It's the exorcist the Earl spoke about!"

Another akuma, with the looks of a bluish helmetand a vaguely human-like body shook its head. A hunting dog that had lost its sanity.

"And the lost Noah!"

Allen lifted his Innocence arm.

The flesh, almost black, produced a white gleam.

A white mantle as if made by the moon wrapped itself around him, turning Allen into a ghost of the night. The arm was now all black, fingers of fine claws with silver rings like the bracelet in shapes of crowns. A white cross shined in the back of the hand.

Raz felt the strength abandoning her legs and part of her mind wanted to recoil to the depths, take refuge in the point where the beating of her heart was the only law needed… And yet, something in the depths of her blood shivered…

Allen jumped, higher than it should be possible for humans, against one of the akumas with the head like some firearm. The thing attacked with the others, but the boy screamed something… A trail appeared when he hit the air, caused by the rings… Akumas hit roared in pain and backed off, but just that wasn't enough…

The boy was back in the ground, sliding on his feet and normal hand. By the look of Allen, Raz guessed that movement did no harm to him…

Why? Why did all of this felt as if it should mean something? How could such insane scene have meaning?

Allen grabbed his wrist, concentrating to activate the Exorcist Sword…

A knife of pure agony cut his thoughts.

The boy fell on his knees, biting his lower lip, not feeling the taste of his own blood.

The nerves convulsed in despair, sharing pain with the rest of the body, but the arm was still the focus of it all. Shards pierced his nerve endings and his blood, tearing it all apart in the way.

"ALLEN!" Raz screamed, running to him and Allen didn't even notice. The pain was in his blood, his eyes, his mind, filling his very existence and he cried, mouth colored with the red of his blood.

From the skin of his left arm appeared white feathers, serpents that shuddered and rubbed against each other, some caressing his arms, other wrapping it, dissolving in contact and holding the raw flesh as they touched each of his nerves…

Apocryphos' feathers.


	4. Act Four – Chains of Feathers

 

" _I dreamed of you. I dreamed you were wandering in the dark, and so was I. We found each other. We found each other in the dark" – Stephen King, "The Green Mile"_

 

Pain.

Allen knew pain.

He had become intimate with it since an early age and certain occasions stood out in his body's sensorial memory. Moments that made the akumas' attacks be light burnings, soon healed and forgotten.

The beatings in the circus… Teases that, ever so slowly, bit his heart in the creation of a hole, tasting his organ… His left arm being reduced to ashes, flesh crumbling… Kanda's mugen piercing him, burning his blood and tearing nerves apart…

Yet, nothing had ever been like this.

Instinctively, his teeth came down to his lower lip, ripping it. He didn't realize it. There was nothing, not even a world, nothing beyond that agony…

The feathers slithered around his arm with obscene movements, melting in contact with his skin. The boy felt them, glass shards rubbing against his nerves in slow caresses. He couldn't move, couldn't even raise his arm.

At his side, Raz placed his human arm around her own shoulders, forcing his body to stand up as the akumas, for a second, were too shocked, no more able to grasp what had happened than she was.

"C'mon, Allen, c'mon…" She muttered and, had Allen been in a better mental state, he would have taken notice of the hints of despair in her voice, even with the unchangeable tone. Blood was slithering down his chin in a grotesque painting as the Noah girl forced him to run. Once his body started to move, something inside it reacted, making his legs move without need for his command.

" _Is he awake?"_ She wondered, not finding an answer. He had been rendered incapable, but… Instinct, or something else, was there and making him move. It was enough for now. Raz ran, trying to avoid the attacks that came from above. The akumas pursued, screaming wasps, laughing and hissing. In that cacophony, she heard one of them, giggling that they just wanted to _play_.

People still in the streets screamed at the sight. It mixed with the sounds of the akumas. Almost tripping, they still ran, with Raz trying to chose narrow streets with large buildings, instinctively hoping they would make it harder for the akumas to follow, perhaps limiting the number of those close by. Surely enough, some of them flew higher as others tried to force their way by destroying whatever construction was in the way.

In the mess, Raz took the chance to go into the first alley she saw, shrinking herself with Allen, trying to recover control of her breathing.

" _Don't find us, don't find us…"_ Her mind repeated. Her body ached to run, run, get away. At her side, Allen was leaning his back on the wall, grasping his left shoulder, nails on the flesh until it gave birth to the smallest drop of blood. The feather-like parasites in his arm still slithered around, giving away a sort of gleam.

"Allen, what _is that?"_ The words escaped, images and ideas shocking in her mind, not finding a sense in any of it, but not really waiting for answers that she knew he couldn't give her now. Kneeling at his side, she leaned over the dark arm, as some of the feathers seemed to fight to go back to under his flesh.

Without thinking, Raz grabbed some.

The nerves in her hands were ripped apart.

She released them for a second, before trying again. Cold needles pierced her body, the pain spreading. Her skin hurt as if melting, leaving the flesh bare to those things. Yet, Raz pulled, trying to gouge them out as they reacted with the resistance of roots.

Allen convulsed in his own pain, fighting back screams.

Raz didn't know if she was causing him more pain or not, still pulling until one of those feathers came out and she almost expected to see it red with blood, holding veins and threads of flesh… But the thin extremity was as white as the rest, shaking like the tail of a rat. The girl released it and the long feather fell on the ground in a seizure before it became grey, breaking into ashes.

She continued to remove them, her flesh crying at each contact with that soft substance of sharp glass. It hurt her skin. It hurt her _blood_. And inside Raz, something new found birth. Focused as the Noah was, she didn't realize it at first, but another emotion was growing… Something that sought to devour what it touched. Something old, whose nature couldn't be fully described. It was as twisted as those feathers and Raz could no longer discern anything in that mass that had dominated her.

Allen started to feel better, his organs stabilizing with each tore feather, and begun to help her. The feathers resisted, curling and holding on to something _inside_ his body. They made his stomach ached to empty itself, he could barely look at them…

Allen noticed something else going on.

Movement…?

His first thought was that it was due to the shine of the feathers.

Then, as his mind cleared, he could see better.

The _shadows_ were moving.

Not due to light, not due to any rational reason… Threads of black came from the walls, from the ground, rising as snakes from their sleep, gathering closer, suffocating what they touched as they reacted to something…

_Raz._

The shadows slithered towards her, some string-like shapes hovering over her legs or back, emitting pieces of black mist in the air. One of them curled insidiously around her right shoulder, a black vein with a mist that caressed the side of her face like a nightmare.

The girl gritted her teeth, eyes running from the feathers to the shadows that only now she noticed and her eyes shivered in the sockets of the skull, her breathing agitating once more with confusion and fear, though she never once stopped what she was doing, even if there was no strength left in her hands.

There was blood in the ground now.

As soon as they pulled the last feather, Raz backed away, slapping her hands against herself as one would do when covered in cockroaches. However, the shadows were no longer visible, they had dissipated as fragments of thought. She stopped upon realizing this, holding her own shoulders.

Her breathing was out of rhythm. Mouth half-opened.

Look back at Allen, hands still knowing nothing but pain, Raz hesitated… Suddenly, the vision of that arm called back that emotion from before… A ferocious desire lit up in her depths, taking her entire being. She _hated that arm._ She wanted to break it apart, twist it until every bone was broken, to rip the skin and expose the flesh, and tear, tear, tear…

"Raz?"

The girl blinked, eyes meeting Allen's.

The image of the arm still burned behind her corneas.

What… What she had been thinking? What had she wanted to do?

It was _Allen!_

Her throat closed, heart struggling in her chest… And at that moment, her fear wasn't only of those feathers, the akumas or the moving shadows… It was something more. It was dread with no hope for release, no choice but to fall and let herself be consumed.

"Raz…?" Allen tried again, leaning closer, his worry taking precedence over whatever caution he might have felt in other circumstances.

"Allen…" The girl whispered, before swallowing hard, trying to control the vocal cords without success. "What was… What _is_ all this… What is _going on?"_

He stood up slowly, holding his arm. A spasm, not unlike a tick, agitated him at regular intervals, despite how better he felt. A bitter taste controlled his mouth and Allen didn't know how to tell Raz about everything.

Of all the situations that his mind had conjured as a scenario for explanations, this was the worst.

He should have told her sooner.

"Raz, it's hard to explain… I…" The words died in his throat and he growled to himself. There wasn't even _time_ , not with the akumas that he knew to be approaching.

"Then tell me, help me _understand…"_ Though it wasn't a plea, he felt what was behind the words, fear exposing that feeling of being so _lost_. However, the akumas weren't far and if he didn't hurry up, they would be found and killed… Or worse. Not to mention the other people who those creatures came across…

There was no time.

And if Apocryphos _was_ nearby…

"Raz, please… I _swear_ I'll tell everything, but I need to deal with this first." He muttered and looked at her hands, her arms now crossed against her body. "How are…?"

Her immediate response was that hesitation. Allen thought she wouldn't say anything, but with a carefulness that was almost of a wounded child, Raz extended her hands to him, palms turned up for inspection.

Allen bit his tongue.

Her palms were a mass of raw flesh covered in lines of wounds. Here and there the remaining skin had torn edges, others seemed about to fall. Some cuts seemed to throb as he looked.

Blood dripped.

It was a grotesque sight.

"I'm… I'm so sorry, I know I should have told you all before…" He muttered, but raised his head as the cursed eye sent desperate warnings to the mind. "They are here…" Turning back to her, Allen held her wrists, taking care to not touch her wounds. "Raz, look, I _swear_ I'll tell everything, but for now, _just stay here!"_

With no time to afford waiting for answer, Allen went to the street, activating the Exorcist Sword on the way. Raz came close enough to watch… Some akumas were already at the end of the street, others floating nearby. This time, with nothing stopping him, Allen jumped, a flash of white light piercing those creatures. His movements left no doubt he was used to fighting.

Where she was, Raz flinched…

Her hands hurt.

And that sensation was still there.

Why did she feel all of that should _mean_ something? It couldn't be, there had no meaning, no sense, no reference… It… It was lunacy, it was all lunacy.

And why… Why did she feel that impulse of destroying Allen's arm?

**XxX**

_"The last time that happened, Apocryphos was near"_ Allen remembered, panting a bit while a solitary soul muttered in gratitude before going to the afterlife. Everything around him boasted signs of destruction. At least there hadn't been any deaths, for which he was thankful.

Pushing the sword back to his shoulder, making it turn back into flesh and bone, his mind went back to the night he had gone away ( _escaped, ran away, been abandoned)_ from the Order… There had been a moment when he was with Tyki and Road and those feathers had appeared suddenly.

A cold shiver ran through his spine when he also remembered Tyki holding his arm, decided to slice it off, affirming that it was denouncing his position to Apocryphos.

Was he here? Was he here?

" _No, I don't think so… It wasn't quite the same as back then"_ Later in the same night, he had hoped that Raz wouldn't attack him not only because he was tired as because he wasn't confident to activate his Innocence, something he had _never_ felt before.

No, it hadn't been his _arm_ that had reacted. At least not now... This night, those feathers… That sensation…

" _It was the same from when he tried... To absorb me"_ The realization filled with intense disgust, knowing that for all those days, a part of that creature had still been inside him. Suddenly, he felt dirty, as if a disease had made his organs black and maculated.

Instinctively, he ran his hands against his arms, skin shivering in repulse…

Even so…

" _Will the same thing happen, if Apocryphos is around?"_ He didn't know, but even without those feathers, he knew it would. His Innocence would warn him.

On one hand, at least he would know when that beast was near, on another, _Apocryphos_ would know it as well…

He looked back.

Raz, half hidden in the alley, just watched, still and quiet. The usual serenity was back to her face, but he doubted very much that was how she felt.

Was the same distrust from before back as well?

" _We have to get out of here!"_

With the akumas having seen them… Having seen Raz… Hadn't one of them called her " _lost Noah"_? The Earl, then, should already know their localization!

He went back to her, ignoring the exhaustion and trying to not remember when the Noah Clan had attacked the Order.

"Raz… We must go back to the inn. Now"

"Allen…" She started in a firm tone, her hands shivered and flinched to her chest, but Allen already knew what she was going to say.

"I'll tell everything on the way and there, but Raz…" He pointed in the direction he had been fighting. "More of those things will come."

" _And someone far worse than them…"_ He completed in his mind. Raz seemed to consider only for a second and nodded. Once more, Allen's eyes went to her hands though the vision was stomach-turning, as severe wounds and exposed flesh can so often be.

"I'm so sorry for your hands…"

"There's nothing to feel about" She said (and meaning it, she had _chosen_ to hold those feathers) as they took a street still empty. At least no one had saw Allen fighting, people had run away, so there was no one to stop them with inquiries.

None of them noticed the black cat sitting on a roof, whose golden eyes followed them without ever so much of a blink.

Lulubell waved her tail in the air. With the heightened senses of a cat (and a Noah as well), she had had no need of staying close to listen or to see all that had transpired, and it had been enough for her to get a good idea of the situation.

Tyki had told them all about the "rescue" (as he called it), so the feathers hadn't been so much of a surprise… That had come with seeing the Noah ( _Raz,_ the brat had called her Raz) running to him, dragging him until he had been able to run again. The questions from before were back: What would make her act in such way?

Then the girl had started to tear away the feather-shaped Innocence from Allen Walker's arm.

Touching Innocence wasn't enough to hurt a Noah, after all, they had destroyed several by merely crunching them. However, Apocryphos was a different case altogether, a raw Innocence, independent and self-aware. And those feathers were a part of him. When the girl had showed Walker her hands, back had been turned to the roof where Lulubell was, but she was sure the other had been terribly hurt.

A Noah helping an Exorcist.

Lulubell had been considering the girl _might_ have felt the Fourteenth in Walker, until they had started to talk. And she had heard each word.

" _Help me understand…"_

_"I should have told everything before."_

Not only the Noah was traveling with Walker… As she didn't remember anything. She didn't know who she really was.

" _This is a bit complicated"_ The cat reflected, scratching the roof lightly with the notion that the Noah had helped Walker merely because it was _Walker._ Even if she couldn't remember, it wasn't something that pleased the Noah of Lust.

However, he mission here was over and done. Some akumas of low level had been exterminated, but it didn't matter. She still watched the two teens going up the streets, aware that they were going back to the inn and that Walker would probably try to get out of town still tonight.

But the Earl's orders had been clear. She was here to get information. No more.

" _Very well"_ She thought, giving her back to the scene and jumping to another roof. It was time to go back and give her report.

**XxX**

In the Inn's room, Raz was in silence.

As always, her face didn't denounce any emotion, occulting them under a veil of calmness. And even if after all those days together (which now seemed too few for Allen to feel safe), he had become somewhat used to it, now he had no words left, neither did he know how to react.

It was as if, in mere words, they had returned to the night she had woken up.

She had been sitting at his side in the bed until a while ago, while he tried to wrap her hands in white gauze. With the light of room slithering through each cut, the details were flowers of blood, making the sight all the worse. But Allen was no stranger to gruesome wounds and as he cleaned them, he couldn't help the impression that they would heal soon.

He knew the Noah's resistance.

Now, the girl was standing in front of him in silence. Her hands, hidden by white, were at the side of her body. And Allen, also standing up, had no idea what she was thinking about or planning to do…

Back in the street, he had started to tentatively explain, starting with the nature of akumas (when he said that was what those things were called, she had muttered " _I know"_ and Allen had asked if had remembered something. Raz denied, saying she merely knew their name, somehow), then proceeding to the Earl, Noah and then, at least, about the Innocence.

She had made some expected questions, about akumas as well as Innocence and the feathers on his arm. Allen limited to say that his Innocence was going through some troubles (it wasn't all a lie), aware that his explanation had been a bit too generic and rushed. Not for the first time, he wished he had told her sooner. Raz had also asked why they had been choosing some random city to go and if he intended to go (or even _take her)_ to the Order.

Allen had said that he didn't and that he couldn't go back there, hoping she wouldn't dwell on that particular subject. Maybe Raz had noticed this or just resigned herself, for she had accepted things with no more questions. He had left Apocryphos and details of his current situation deep down his throat.

It was already too much for her to assimilate at once.

And he didn't want to turn those words into sounds.

Now, Raz just observed him.

"Why?" She asked so quietly that Allen almost missed it.

"I'm sorry, Raz, I'm _really_ am… I know I should have told you before, but I…" He had been afraid she would attack him. He hadn't been fit for a fight. And he had had no idea of even how to begin telling her all that. Unsure of how much he could trust her to not…

However, the girl was shaking her head, her eyes never leaving him.

"Why didn't you _kill me?"_

Of all the questions, that was one Allen had not foreseen. But now it had been spoken, it seemed an obvious one. He was an Exorcist, she was a Noah. According to all he had just told her, they were supposed to be _enemies_.

Weren't them?

"I… I _couldn't_. You didn't… Don't, remember a thing and you haven't done anything" _Against me_ wasn't needed to be said. And Allen knew his reasons would have made several members of the Order cry out in indignation.

"And I wouldn't do it now" He swallowed hard and it was a strange thing to say to someone who was of the same (Species? Kind? Race?) clan of the man who was trying to annihilate humanity. But now that he had to face it, Allen had to admit it was the truth. "Unless you tried to kill me, then I would defend myself."

But it wasn't the same thing.

Or was it? Had any of the other Noah approached him wanting to _talk_ , would he attack them? He knew he was _supposed_ to. It was expected of him as an Exorcist, _damn_ , it was expected for _them_ to try to _kill_ him (or, now, to capture him so the Fourteenth would take over his body, he was willing to bet).

" _But you did play cards with Tyki"_ Yeah, that seemed like a lifetime ago and it had been mere chance to meet a Noah in such circumstance. " _And he helped you. Road took a blow for you. And she always speaks about how she loves you…"_ But had she done this for _him_ or for Neah?

Plus, yes, they had done that, but Tyki had destroyed his arm, put a Tease inside him to kill him slowly, killed Yeegar… And Road had pierced his eye with a hot candle, not to mention the whole deal with Kanda and Alma and the Third.

Raz tilted her head to the side, in the way a dog does.

The idea seemed… Senseless. Maybe it was her lack of memories or the fact Allen had been with her since she had woken up, teaching her, but…

"I have no reason to do so." She said muttered, remembering that sensation of the alley. Was that normal for a Noah? When she spared attention to the idea, she realized it didn't matter at all.

Because _she didn't want to hurt Allen_.

"If you don't intend to hurt me…"

"No, I don't." The boy answered. Like he hadn't told her all the details regarding what had happened to him, he hadn't told her how he had found her as well, but this question was far from being the most prominent one in her mind, apparently.

"So I have no reason to hurt you…" Raz ended, as if it was something simple. She _did_ feel there was much more than what Allen had just told her, but as before, the girl didn't want to pressure him. Plus, it wasn't time for such, for what he had said, the chances of the "Millennium Earl" (there was something about that name, something that had nothing to do which his story, but Raz was unable to identify if it was a physical sensation, emotion or even its nature) or any other Noah appearing after that attack were extremely high.

She had no idea why they were after Allen, but… Well, if he was an enemy, wasn't that enough?

"Do you have any idea where we're going to?" She wondered, arranging her backpack on her back. Upon arriving, the first thing Allen had done was to go to the keeper and explain that they would be leaving in some moments, paid the bills, before asking for gauzes and medical supplies to help with Raz's hands and his own wounds from the fight. They still pulsated, though with less intensity.

"Any town works, there is no time to be choosing." Allen stopped, realizing he didn't want to leave Raz… The idea felt strange now, no matter how much he had thought about it before. It was as if there had been moments in which he had forgotten _what_ she was and how things were supposed/expected to be between them in the stage of that war.

He thought about how they had talked in the square, discussing where they would be going to and what they would need in their trip, the occasions he had explained to her things that she had never seen before…

Allen would not fool himself trying to ignore that there had been something good about… About not being completely alone.

But Raz had questions for which he had no answers and the other Noah _did_. There was no doubt she wanted to know who she really was and now that she knew there were others like her, and that one of them surely knew her…

Wasn't it the most natural that she would want to meet them?

" _They are her family…"_

This caused some sadness in him, as he remembered _his_ family.

Once again, he got rid of the thought. Not now, not now.

He looked at her.

"I… Raz, I… I don't want to force you, okay?" He muttered, managing to hide how the idea upset him now that it had made itself known. "If you want to stay here and meet them, I mean…" It would be so easy. The akumas calling her, the Earl probably already knew… The answers would be within her reach and so easily.

Raz stayed in silence.

She understood.

The idea of staying caused reactions that clashed inside her. The natural curiosity, not only about herself, but about the other Noah too. The chance of finally learning who she was and all she had forgotten. To understand _what_ she was. And there was something deep in her, too deep to be just a physical thing, which felt as… Oh, she wasn't sure. Longing? Crying? She _didn't_ know!

She looked down, avoiding Allen's eyes.

Did she want to stay?

She… She wasn't sure.

What she wanted was the _truth._

The truth not just about herself, but the whole situation. She wanted to understand things, to remember what she had forgotten…

But…

At the same time…

Raz shook her head.

And for the first time, there was a smile. It was small, almost delicate gesture (clearly she wasn't sure she was doing it right), suave as a wave of mist.

"Don't _we_ have a train to catch?"

Whatever the truth was, she could search for it with Allen.

After all, he seemed to be in search of something himself.

Without waiting for answers, Raz merely gave her back to him, as if this was enough. Allen stood sill for a second, but held a laugh. Part of the weight of his body seemed to have faded somehow and the perspective of the long journey ahead became less bitter.

" _It seems I really found myself a fellow traveler."_


	5. Act Five – Scars of Darkness

" _Your memory is a monster; it summons with will of its own. You think you have a memory, but it has you." – John Irving._

 

Though they had visited the train station and observed a map with possible destinations before, the anxiety to leave now acted as a poison that prevented a final decision.

Raz didn't think she would be of any real help, but still studied the options. The most logical choice should be to go as far away as possible. Allen, on the other hand, couldn't avoid going into the mindset that all destinations were pretty much the same in the end, which didn't help matters.

Just a few minutes after leaving the inn, he had ended up vomiting. His stomach still had flames that spread through the blood, going up his head and creating occasional waves of heat in his brain, making it dizzy from time to time. Raz had been at his side, worried about that reaction which cause she wasn't sure. Allen, however, was convinced that it had been due to the feathers (aided by stress).

He tried to not think of any alternatives.

There was low movement to be found in the station that night. The moon lit up the sky with pale life and after the fight, the night boasted a sensation of coolness. In the spot near the platforms, stone's pillars raised to the ceiling.

"Do you know any of those places?" Raz asked as her gaze followed the lines on the map, representing the trains and the names of cities they passed by. There weren't many options.

"Some" Allen pointed to a black dot on the map. "I've been here before once, but it was a long time ago… I think we should just go as far as we can." A shadow of an idea started to take shape in his mind, but the birth was incomplete, suffocated by hurry and nervousness. He couldn't stop glancing with the corner of his eyes around, half-expecting and fearing to see any member of the Noah Clan (bad) or the Earl himself (worse).

"It doesn't seem like we can go very far…" Raz commented, uncertain. At least that was how it seemed by looking at the lines, but then again, having no experience with travels of such nature, perhaps her notion wasn't the best. That city was all she knew (literally) of the world.

For a second, Raz wondered if the other Noah could find out where they had gone… The idea was pushed aside. It shouldn't be possible… Right?

With her attention going back to the map, she realized how she _and_ Allen were _running away._ Considering what he had just told her, how the Noah killed Exorcists and the fight she had just witnessed, it was natural for _him…_ However, to her it felt a bit weird to try and run away from people she didn't even know…

A cold needle came to her spine. Was she being impulsive? Should she rather stay? Grasp the chance of meeting those who were like her?

She couldn't deny something in her _wanted_ to…

But she didn't want to leave Allen either.

"Raz? Are you alright?" The boy asked.

"I was just thinking..." It wasn't a lie, she just didn't want Allen to worry as on their way to the station he had asked her once again if she truly wanted to follow him. He didn't want to force her decision or to make her feel like she _had_ to go with him for whatever reason that was not born from her will. And though maybe it _would_ be more logical if she stayed… She just didn't want to. Not like this. "I think in the end, any place works. We can stand here trying to decide for hours, but we can just pick any random city just as well."

"And we can't waste time..." He agreed, touching a dot in the map. "So, let's just get out of here, then we can think about…"

"Planning to travel?"

They turned, tension holding their muscles. But Allen felt his mind relaxing a bit, seeing the speaker to be a tall man he had never seen before in his life and who seemed normal. It was the first time that _not_ seeing the symbol of the Order in someone's clothes made him relieved. And the awareness of it just increased the bitter taste in his throat.

At least the man didn't seem to be a Noah, he reasoned.

"Yes…" He replied slowly while Raz studied the man, her demeanor lacking any sort of emotion. The stranger, whose blonde hair fell in waves over his shoulders and wore an old brown hat, seemed to not mind their hesitation and shook his head, looking at the dot near the one Allen had picked in the map.

"Look, you'd better not go near Canterbury." He advised, sounding a little paternal and keeping a gentle tone, but Allen and Raz picked up a slight shiver in his voice not unlike a wave in a lake after a stone is thrown. They exchanged looks and Allen asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but why do you say so?" Raz was not surprised at how innocent he could sound, not after having witnessed it so often.

The blonde, whose name was Diego Kriezel, shook his head again, putting his hands in the pockets of his long coat though there was no coldness in the air and observed the two. A white-haired boy of grey eyes with a strange scar on his face, one of his hands wrapped in bandages and a glove and a blue-grey eyed girl with the blackest hair boasting a blueish hint, whose fringe had been badly cut, some strands falling over her eyes… None of they had a very healthy appearance which made Diego wonder what their story would be. It was not uncommon to find young people traveling from place to place in search of work and survival, with no one to look after them.

He had been one of those people himself. In his case, his father had left the house when he was young and his mother had withered away, fighting to raise her son all by herself. The man asked himself if those two had a similar situation.

" _This is fucking depressing."_ He reflected.

"You wouldn't believe it. But I meant it, take it as an advice, you shouldn't go anywhere near that city. It hasn't been safe lately."

"You would be quite surprised with what we believe…" The girl muttered and the boy insisted with a firm tone.

"Please, sir, could you be more specific? Why do you say it isn't safe?"

Maybe the man had seen something in their eyes or just wanted to get whatever he knew off his chest by putting it into words and casting them in the air. In a way or another, he sighed and whispered.

"It isn't that the _city_ isn't safe, but… The problem is the woods close to it. I heard about people who went there and disappeared. I didn't believe it at first…" His voice was controlled, but the brown eyes trembled in the sockets, revealing fear. He took a quiet deep breath before continuing, as if blocking images in his mind. "That was before I went there… No one would believe me, but I _saw_. There are _things_ there. Some people still think it might be bears…" A bitter laugh lifted the corners of his mouth before the stupidity of the idea. "Bear, my ass. I couldn't see it very well, but I know it was no bear. What kind of bear attacks makes a body shatter?"

The last words came from his mouth too fast, the veil of control slipping, giving away a glimpse of dread. He stopped talking, as if fearing he had said too much, but even if he didn't know what this was actually about, Allen would have believed those eyes. No one would ever be able to pretend that fear. And he knew what the man had actually seen and how lucky he was to be alive…

The man was right. It had nothing to do with bears. It was far worse.

"Do you have any idea why those things appeared?" He asked, feigning curiosity of a youth hearing a strange tale.

"I don't even want to know." Diego straightened himself. He didn't want to think about that, he just wanted to drown the memory with time to keep his sanity and he turned his eyes again to the black dot in the map as if it was about to spread a poison of some sort. "All I know is that I'm not going back there so soon… _And you shouldn't either._ I think those… Things, won't stay in the forest forever. If you need to travel, try another city." He pointed another dot. "Like here. Good place. Gentle people. If you need jobs, there is always someone in need of extra help, I can vouch for that."

"Thanks!" Allen smiled and gave small nod of gratitude and, because the man had sounded so nervous, he added. "And for the suggestion. It _does_ sound like a better place!"

"And it is." The man arranged his coat around the shoulders, studying them for the last time. "I have to catch a train myself. I just stopped because I didn't think it would be right to ignore when I noticed that you tow would be going too close to that damn place…" He hesitated before turning his back at them, carrying his bag. "Well… Take care, you both."

As he walked away, Allen and Raz remained in silence.

"Are you thinking about akumas?" She asked, well aware of the answer. Allen didn't even look at her.

"Yes. You heard it. _Things_? Bodies shattering?" He turned his attention to her. "Remember what I told you about bodies hit by akuma's virus? Maybe the ones that attacked us came from there, it isn't _that_ far…" At least for the Earl's creatures. The distance wouldn't mean much for their metallic wings.

"What I _do_ remember is that today you fought some." Her tone was serious, despite her face betraying nothing. "Why _would_ we even go there if we're running _away_ from the akumas?" The idea carried no sense whatsoever. They should follow the blonde's advice and pick another destination (as far as possible, preferably), however Allen's eyes were hardened by a resolution that Raz couldn't understand, no matter how she tried.

"Because the people there need help." It was the best explanation he could give. For a while, Raz could only blink and he wasn't sure if the moment of silence that passed between them was because she was not finding a valid argument to counterattack or was trying to understand him or any other reason. Allen admitted that no matter how he explained, nothing would make it sound less dangerous.

"You said the Order has ways of hearing about this stuff, too." It was not a question, she merely expressed a simple and pure fact. "What if we get found out?" He had said it himself that he couldn't go back. While Raz didn't say it, she thought they could very well leave this for the Order to solve.

Allen hesitated. She had a point, they might be placing their heads inside the lion's mouth if they insisted. And even if the Order had not sent Exorcists there yet, the akumas' presence was more than enough for them to avoid the city. So why ignore the rational points of the question and insist in something so risky?

And… He had to admit, he felt responsible for Raz, in some level. He couldn't think only of himself… Wouldn't it be selfish of him to drag her along like this?

" _But wouldn't it be selfish to think only about our safety as well?"_

"My heart is of an Exorcist, Raz…" He explained, repeating the words he had once told Lenalee, ignoring how they pulled a memory that still hurt. "I can't ignore this, even with all the risks."

The girl shook her head with a sigh, never breaking eye contact. Allen couldn't know if she agreed or not or even what she was thinking, all he knew is that he couldn't just ignore what he had just heard.

"It isn't wise. It isn't and you know it." She arranged the backpack's strap and crossed her arms, however her features remained eerily serene, but for a brief moment, it looked to Allen almost like she would try to smile again. At least the corner of her mouth seemed to have twitched? "On another hand, I don't think they would expect us to just go after a pack of akumas. So… Let's do it."

Allen thought that maybe she still disagreed with it, but was going along anyway.

"I think some of them wouldn't be _that_ surprised…" Allen commented, his thoughts going back to his friends. He tried to ignore that corner of himself that hurt all the time, and all the more when he actively thought about them. It was easy to imagine their reactions and he couldn't help but to laugh to himself. "Actually, I know someone who would probably call me an idiot…"

" _An idiot Moyashi…"_

"Do not get me wrong…" Raz replied as they walked towards a line to buy tickets. "But I'm not sure I would _disagree_ …"

"Hey, you _agreed_ to this!" He reminded her with a smile, pretending to be offended. Raz didn't laugh, but that shadow of a shy smile got stronger and she shrugged.

"I didn't say I'm being reasonable either…" She risked a jest and there was curiosity when she asked. "Would this person call me an idiot as well?" Allen, who could bet it was exactly what Kanda would have said, nodded and was about to add something when the woman in front of them walked away and he asked for two tickets.

Raz, while it, wondered how would that person Allen mentioned be. He didn't speak much of himself or the people he knew in the Order and she, out of respect, decided to make no further question…

Even so, she felt a bit upset. With what, she didn't know…

**XxX**

Later, they found an empty compartment and settled down, watching as the fields passed by the window as a sea of dark green. The trees became more frequent soon and despite the train's speed, they could see the foliage shivering. It was easy to imagine the movement to be waves, provoked by unseen monsters.

Sitting opposite to Raz, Allen had his shoulders down and rested his head on the back of the seat. Now that he had time to sit down, despite the feeling of security (frail, but enough to calm him down) seemed to work only to make the feeling on his insides all the more noticeable.

"You look like you're going to be sick again…" Raz commented. He looked paler than usual. Not that she felt much better, honestly. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

Allen nodded slowly in reply, then looking through the window. Sometimes, an optical illusion created a kind of mist outside that almost became one with the night sky… He averted his gaze, before his imagination was teased into less pleasant imageries. He knew he should feel more relief than he did, but the malaise had returned. The interior of his stomach was ablaze. His ghost-life reflection on the window had just confirmed Raz's suspicions…

His stomach seemed to coil in a snake-like movement.

He hoped he wouldn't hurl again.

"I think I'll be better soon… I just need to sleep a little." He shrugged, hoping it to be true. Usually, such things didn't bother him so much, but the idea of those feathers… That they had been _inside him_ all this time. His mind painted them, intertwined with his veins and muscles, soft needles growing from them as veins, holding on him… His stomach turned again. A wave of hot nausea shot through his nerves. "But later. I don't feel like it now."

And if he tried, he knew he would spend minutes waiting to actually fall asleep while thoughts he didn't want would come to life, so Allen decided he preferred to talk with her for a little more.

"You still must have a lot of questions, don't you?" Stupid question.

Raz stayed in silence, reflecting about the offered opening. The wind howled outside. There was so, so very much that she wanted, _needed,_ to know, but the more _personal_ questions regarding Allen were casted away in the back of her mind… That night was dragging on and on, with the slowness of nightmares and though tired, her body was unable to relax. There was no peace for the mind, either, lightening and images tearing it apart and coming up with hypothesis for the future…

She decided to start with simpler things.

"You've never said anything about what happened to your arm…" The girl indicated his black-red hand. He had told her very little about the Order, a bit about the Noah and the akumas and Innocences, reducing everything to a too-basic concept. Considering everything there was to tell, he hadn't made the situation justice… And he hadn't quite explained that white hell that the feathers had been.

His eyes lowered, landing softly in her gauze-wrapped hands…

"Does that still hurt?" He whispered, remembering the skin and flesh being shredded as she grabbed the feathers, as one would do to a weed that had grown inside someone's body. For a second, he thought about Tyki Mikk, who had been scarred by his sword.

"Not much…" Raz muttered, looking at her palms. The bandages seemed darker, but there was no way of knowing if this was due to the illumination or blood seeping through. The pain had dulled, as if asleep, but not completely gone. They throbbed occasionally, as if the wounds were spreading deeper into her body, spreading with waves of pain. Her own insides reacted as if trying to get rid of poison.

Allen sighed, wanting to apologize for her going through this, but he could guess that if he did, Raz would just repeat that there was no reason to and so he decided to not diverge from the subject.

"I told you I can't go back to the Order…" Allen started, uncertain of how to go into details or where to start. Until now, Raz had not asked much and Allen couldn't help but to be grateful for that, since he had no wish of speaking about himself or anything that could stir his memories… Not yet. The wound in his soul still felt too fresh and he didn't know if he would ever get used to that.

Once more, his thoughts went back to the people he loved… What would they be doing now? He hoped Lenalee wasn't in trouble for having been the last one to see him, or Komui and the members of the Science Division…

Would they… Would they be thinking of him, too?

Would they be thinking he had truly joined the Noah?

"Well… The reason… No…" He corrected himself, wanting to be honest. " _Part_ of the reason is that there is a… A being, chasing me. As far as I understood, his name is Apocryphos and he is an independent Innocence."

She tilted her head to the side, lost at what he had said.

"Wait, didn't you say the Innocences need… Accommodators?"

It wasn't easy to explain it when he didn't understand very well himself. And his personal feelings for that… _Beast_ , didn't help the matter.

"He seems to be the exception to the rule…" He raised his arm in unneeded emphasis. "Those feathers were his. He… He must have left them in me when he attacked me…" His vocal chords shivered, his whole body wanting nothing more than to refuse the memory that invited another, of sensory nature, of having that thing grabbing his flesh. "I don't know much about him, just that he _is_ Innocence." Allen didn't say "sentient". In a way, he considered "independent" a better description, as he had always believed Innocences to be more than mere energy considering the connection they could form with Accommodators. This he knew by experience.

Raz shook her head almost imperceptibly, her eyes never leaving his face.

" _Weird_ …" This was not the best term, but she had nothing better to comment right away. "But what would a thing like that want with you? You _have_ Innocence, so shouldn't you be allies?"

The very idea of being _allies_ with Apocryphos made Allen's stomach turn inside out. As much as he wanted, he couldn't forget that creature holding him… The feathers piercing and entering his arm while a part of his mind saw the being's memories, of him attacking Cross… And Allen heard, not in him memory, but echoing in his brain, that voice saying that Crown Clown also wished that they would become one, that he got absorbed… That this was for his sake…

And Apocryphos had left a _part of himself_ inside his flesh… As sure as he was that all the feathers had been removed, it did nothing to soothe how dirty it made him feel. It was disgusting. It was repulsive. An insane desire of ripping his own skin apart in order to rub his flesh, to rub and rub until he could feel clean again shot through him.

A spasm made of disgust, fury, sorrow and fear ran through his body. Unconsciously, he held the wrist of his left arm… He could never believe that Crown Clown truly agreed with Apocryphos' desires.

_Never._

"Allen?" Raz called to him, hesitantly as she leaned forward, having noticed the change in his demeanor. "Did I… Did I say something wrong?"

The boy smiled, but the gesture was merely mechanic movement of muscles.

"No, no…" But she had already seen a glimpse in his eyes, something as brief as a spark but of a complex nature and… Perhaps it was her impression, but… It seemed twisted. Bitter. And painful.

She had no idea of the traits and nuances that were mixed there, of Allen's motives or what had brought him to this point, nevertheless right then she knew that it was nothing remotely close to simple or pleasant. How he could have such transparent eyes, to the point of giving away the impression that they were directly connected to a small window in his soul, the girl had no idea.

"You have too transparent eyes…" The muttering escaped in her voice before she could hold it back. She didn't know if this was a good thing or not. The impression she had was that it made the person too… Too open and vulnerable. Could it be that Allen was always like that? He always kept such a controlled façade during the card games, but in other occasions...

To Raz's surprise, he sighed and his smile became a bit more genuine, even if it was turned to the past, not the present.

"I've been told that before…" And hadn't it been Road who, in the first time they had met, had told him he was too gentle? Maybe the fact he had helped Raz and taken care of her during those days only confirmed it. He vaguely wondered what the Noah of Dreams would say to this. But it didn't bother him. Maybe he had done that more out of some rebelliousness than compassion… Just to reaffirm that he was still _himself_. That he had his free will in this game of black and white.

"No, it's nothing that you've said…" Allen explained quickly, after all Raz was just making a logical question. "But Apocryphos is not like the other Innocences." She nodded as to indicate she had got that point. "He's hurt people I care about…"

His Master. Link. He could only hope that the young man would be fine, that someone of the Order had gotten there in time to help him.

"Besides that…" He hesitated. It wasn't a detail he wanted to go into. "What he wants is to absorb me…"

" _Come again?"_ The girl hissed in a clear mix (maybe the first time her emotions were so openly displayed) of repugnance, shock and despise. Allen proceeded to tell her about his first meeting with Apocryphos, avoiding mentioning he had been in the Order's dungeons and that his rescuers had been Noah.

It was the first time he ever spoke of Apocryphos and what had happened. And somehow, part of his illness lost its intensity. It hurt, in a myriad of senses, but not so much as he had anticipated, having barely allowed himself to fully think about the event. At the end of his narration, Raz's mouth was half-open, and though this was the only indicative of expression, Allen could see beyond the veil of her eyes to notice traits of other emotions at play. For some instants, Raz seemed be at loss about what to say, as if she had forgotten how to talk.

"But the Order didn't _do_ anything? They didn't want to help you?" Perhaps it was Allen's imagination, but he was almost sure there was something under her controlled tone. It felt as a thin ice. He merely shrugged to avoid the question. The Order probably didn't even _know_ about Apocryphos' existence, and he had no way of explaining this to her without entering details that he felt were best ignoring for now. At least for some time more, just some time more…

"This thing…" She growled in a very animalistic way. "Is _insane"_

Allen nodded in agreement, his expression (though tired) typical of saying that she didn't know how right she was. Apocryphos was insane. Insane, sick and cruel. What he _truly_ was or wanted, Allen didn't know and, for now, wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Not wanting to talk about that, uncomfortable with the sensation that the conversation was moving towards a shore of questions he didn't want to talk about, Allen decided to change the course.

"That thing with the shadows" He said the first thing he thought about. "It was interesting." Not quite the term that better described what he had felt seeing it. Surprisingly, Raz backed off a bit, back against the seat. It was her turn to be uncomfortable and she held her hands, running fingers over her palms as if studying the gauze.

"I don't even know what that was…"

"Well, all Noah have special abilities. That must be yours…" Despite the gentleness in his tone, it wasn't as if he knew for sure _what_ Raz could do. All he had seen had been shadows moving and running over the girl's body, almost in a mantle of black mist… Allen had been too caught up in what had been happening to pay attention, but there was a lingering sensation of… Of something wrong.

It shouldn't come as a surprise, he reasoned. After all, the brain could make associations by itself and he had had experience enough with the Noah to know they could be creative when hurting humans… So, this reaction had to be something along those lines, right?

Raz merely turned her blueish-stone eyes to him. He took that as signal to go on.

"I don't know about all of them, but… For example, Road is the eldest of the Noah," It was the first time he spoke about them individually to her. "She is called the Noah of Dreams and she can… It's like creating a different dimension, more or less." It wasn't quite easy to explain her power, even if Allen wouldn't forget so soon when he had first met her or what Road had done to Lavi during the Battles of the Ark… It was one of those events that couldn't be perfectly translated into words, only people who have gone through it could understand. "And control it, trapping people on it. Well, more like their conscience."

Raz seemed about to ask something, but changed her mind. Noah and Exorcist were enemies, if Allen had met them and knew of their abilities there was no way those had been pleasant experiences… This called back the notion that, in that war scenery, they were supposed to be enemies. It made her feel sick, as the memory of the sudden desire she had felt in the alley, of grabbing Allen's arm and break it, shattering bones, reducing it to a fragile sack of skin and flesh, just so she could tear it apart with her bare nails…

" _No, please, stop it… Why would I_ want _to do such a thing? Allen_ helped _me until now…"_ Wherever she had been when he had found her, he could have killed her. Raz knew enough to recognize it as the natural and even logical reaction in this case… Yet, against what should be expected, Allen had done the opposite: He had cared for her, taught her… He had said it himself, that he had no intentions of harming her, so why would _she_ want to?

In a way, she also knew Allen had not been lying. She had more than his words to make her trust him, not that Raz could explain even to herself.

Bit by bit, Allen told her about some others, mentioning Noah like Tyki Mikk (apparently, being Noah of Pleasure enabled him to choose what to touch) and a white-haired man whose name he didn't remember (telepathic abilities). Raz still wanted to ask more… Well, sincerely, she wanted to know about the occasions themselves, but wasn't sure if it was out of pure curiosity or… Something more. Curious she was, of course, but there was something about the idea of fighting Exorcists that just felt… _Right._ As if it fitted the world as much as Nature's norms.

But why? Why should it?

She didn't ask anything. Besides, there were things Allen clearly didn't want to talk about and that was enough.

Even so, the lack of context was _annoying_.

"So, understand, when you got in contact with those feathers of Innocence," The boy continued to explain. "Your Noah's genes must have reacted, due to the opposite energies… That was when those shadows started to move."

"But I didn't _do_ anything" Raz insisted, never changing her position. "They just… Moved…"

"Well, you don't remember…" Allen considered, slowly. That ink-black mist didn't first strike as something useful in battlefield, but Raz was still rediscovering her own nature, perhaps starting this very night. Thinking about it, that had been equal to a baby's muscle being used for the first time. "It's too early to know and we were both too worried to focus in anything else. It was just a reaction, but we can find more about it later. We…" He stopped his own words. He had been carried away and almost suggested that they could train together.

Well, it was a plausible suggestion. He _could_ help Raz to find out the nature of her abilities and it would be good to keep his own training in check…

But would it be sensate? Training with a Noah? The notion that they didn't mean each other harm was at play here, yet, this was for now. There was still a chance (not impossible and strong enough even now) that once Raz's memories came back, she would change her mind regardless of their time together. Or even that during the training, the presence of his Innocence would be enough to provoke her somehow...

A bitter taste dominated every corner of his mouth, infiltrating in the nerves of his teeth. Allen didn't like that. And he didn't like it that he would rather tell her about the other Noah than about himself either.

The conversation had its course altered by both of them, who started to raise hypothesis about their destination and what could have been attracting akumas (Allen told her that if they weren't just in a killing spree so they would evolve, there could be an Innocence somewhere). This subject felt far more secure territory, like when he told her about card games he had partaken in, so Allen talked a bit about his master (trying to ignore the image of the window broken, of the blood-stained glass) and some of the Akuma he had fought, including one he had destroyed while in his way to the Order for the first time, whose trapped soul had been sister of a cope he had met.

After a while, with an exhaustion which was mental as well as physical, Allen finally allowed himself to curl around in his seat and fell asleep. Raz wanted to do the same, but there was iron in her body making it impossible to relax the muscles and her mind, though thirsty for sleep, was stopped by uncontrollable thoughts that tore it apart, no matter how she tried to stop them.

Groaning in frustration, Raz raised her feet to the seat, hugging her legs and looking through the window as she rested her head on her knees. Scenes and explanation's fragments didn't stop, wild birds caged in her brain. Noah, Exorcist, the Order, that Apocryphos being. The knowledge those feathers were part of him, left inside Allen, and that she had touched them was enough to make her stomach want to empty itself. She tried to make herself more comfortable, huddling herself.

She tried to ignore how all she had heard made her feel, unsure if she wanted to assert her own feelings at that moment. All Raz knew was there were things that felt right, far too much to be accepted as lies…

And that in itself felt strange enough.

Noah, Exorcist…

Innocences…

For a moment, she looked at one of her hands.

The pain remained. Ghostly, sleeping now, but it was still there.

The darkened patches were more noticeable the more you looked at them. Or perhaps it was just because she knew, she could _feel_ , even if the bleeding had long ceased.

Allen activated and controlled his Innocence by will alone. It made sense, the Innocence was part of him… In a sense, shouldn't that… _Ability_ (whatever it was) be a part of her just the same? When one wanted to walk, wasn't enough to want it? Didn't the brain command, in a fraction of second, the rest of the body?

The principle should be the same in this case, then.

" _Sounds easy, doesn't mean it is…"_ Raz told herself, still looking at her hands before resting them on her knees, her mind back to the shadows, agitating themselves, some going up her shoulders. Despite what Allen had just told her, her flesh crawled under the skin.

But still…

Raz hesitated.

Then, with a deep breath, she looked at a shadow in the floor, close to the door of the compartment. Wary, tentatively, she wished it would move.

Nothing happened.

She took a silent deep breath, unsure if what she felt was truly disappointment or relief of some nature. Whichever it was, she should have known it wouldn't be that…

Her eyes went back to that particular spot.

And the shadow, a mere veil of grey, seemed to wave.

Raz touched her lips with her tongue. No. It should be her imagination. Nothing more.

Well, maybe they were both mistaken. Maybe it hadn't been _shadows_ moving in that alley, but something else entirely. They had been certainly stressed enough. And now that she thought about it, a shadow was projected by a solid object against light, so it didn't make much sense that…

With the corner of her eye, she perceived movement.

Raz's attention went back to the same spot. She was very quiet, as an animal sensing the presence of _something_ close by.

Without truly thinking about what she was doing, Raz suddenly wished for it to _expand._

This time, there was a response.

The veil of grey became a black stain. And, as if it held more darkness than suggested by the size, the shape stretched over the floor. Thin extensions came from it as it grew, devouring what it touched. Mist-like fragments escaped from it.

The shadow continued to grow, to claim domain.

And Raz's bones were cold.

Looking around, she felt before seeing, that the other shadows of the compartment also responded to the unmeant call. Every one of them. Even the smallest one. From grey to a solid black, they slithered around.

The shadows all around slithered further. Some shaped in veins, some in straps that held to the walls. The warmth from before faded, losing its strength, sucked by the darkness.

Some straps stood from the floor in oily movements, throwing themselves against the walls, the seats they started to climb, producing a crack-like sound.

Raz tried to push them away, without knowing how, tried to wish it all to stop.

Nothing happened.

Once awaken, the shadows had no desire to return to sleep.

The lake of darkness waved lazily and _where was the floor_? She kept still, not wanting to move, not wanting to touch _that_. Straps went up the seat, living whips, veins appearing and taking over the seat slowly enough to tease the idea of nightmares, fast enough to be noticeable. Was that a hiss of laughing serpents or it was all in her mind?

Raz shrunk herself, a whimper dying in her throat. There was something happening with her as well, but she wasn't sure of what it was.

Unaware to all, Allen still slept. The walls and the floor were nearly gone. A black thread stood, grabbing the seat where Raz was. The oil-looking thing glistened under the remaining light, black veins spreading, approaching…

Raz closed her eyes, heart struggling inside.

" _Enough, please, enough,_ no more _!"_

She expected to feel the touch of those things… At any moment… She knew she would…

Raz opened her eyes.

No shadows. No darkness.

Everything was perfectly normal.

Pain called her senses. Her arms hurt and just now Raz realized she had dug the flesh with her nails. Upon releasing herself, small half-moon shapes marked the skin.

What had been that? What had she _done?_

What if she hadn't been able to stop?

The idea made her insides throb. Some organs felt like they had changed places. There was a bitter echo in her lower stomach.

Allen still slept.

What if those shadows had touched him? What would have happened?

Noah and Exorcist were in opposite sides in that chessboard. Their energies were two different things, as fire and water. This she had understood well.

What if she had hurt him, even if she didn't mean to?

Her body still felt cold.

She might be a Noah, but she didn't know what it truly meant. Just like she was at loss about what she had truly done now, the effects and consequences… Suddenly, the emptiness came back and she was once again a mere doll of cracked glass, a fake existence…

Her nails went back to her flesh as she was suddenly assaulted by the need to _feel_ some pain, using it to feel herself and confirm her existence. Still, the only real thing was dread.

She could end up hurting Allen.

A bitter taste came up her throat and not for the first time in that night, Raz wanted to vomit, as if her own body wanted to get rid of part of itself.

And she felt distant from it all, floating chained in the air, only able to watch the world without taking part on it.

**XxX**

Golden eyes were fixated upon the woman.

When she concluded her report, the silence's nature in the room changed, starting to be filled with the sensations of the others regarding what they had heard, which was far from the scenarios and hypothesis some of them had considered.

Wisely and Toraido showed no hints to the workings of their minds, though there was a ghost of a smile in Wisely's features, that Tyki took notice of without surprise. Considering his mental powers and how he seemed to remember everything _they_ couldn't, it would be only natural that he also remembered that Noah and had a better base for analyzing the situation.

Despite what he might be thinking, Tyki couldn't imagine _what_ would cause that expression in the white-haired man. Nothing of what they had just heard sounded _remotely_ funny. At his side, Sheryl was leaning forward, elbows in the table, fingers crossed in the air in front of his face, a soft smile marking his features… One might consider he had found the information amusing, until they looked in his eyes.

Lulubell remained standing, even after narrating everything she had heard and seen, focusing in the facts and not even once straying away. The Earl nodded at her and the woman sat down, face unreadable though the scene of the Noah helping Allen Walker was still quite fresh in her mind, just like a recent burn.

Devit was the first to speak.

"You serious?" His low tone wasn't usual and he twisted his mouth. His body seemed relaxed in the chair, but his hands were closed, fingers like claws. "Are ya _fucking_ serious?"

Lulubell's body didn't move a muscle, but her eyes slithered to the twins. She did not approve their easy manners, but had never said a word mostly due to knowing it to be useless. Only some others members of the family, as Sheryl and Toraido, seemed to still believe there was a chance of those two learning someday how to behave with more dignity.

She merely stared at him, enough to silently remind Devit she wasn't one to joke around, let alone with matters like that.

"The girl went and helped _Walker?"_ Maashima asked, his voice deep like a growl of a lion, yet soft as honey. A corner of his lips raised and he scoffed as if holding a laugh and shook his head slowly.

"Come on now, for what it seems… The _poor little one_ doesn't know a thing" Sheryl intervened, though his amused words didn't hide the coldness underneath it. He shook his head and his _tsked_ with his tongue, as one referring to a naïve child that should be taught and guided. Some wondered what had displeased (not say down-right _enraged_ ) the Noah of Desire the most: The idea of a Noah helping an Exorcist (even if it was actually " _ex_ ") or a Noah helping _Allen Walker._

"No, she doesn't" Lulubell repeated, her objective posture not once hesitating. "Walker mentioned he " _should have told her sooner"_ when she asked him to " _help her understand",_ right after the fight." The Noah turned her gaze to their patriarch and leader, however the Earl hadn't said a word and it was hard to tell his reaction with that mask, even if it was made of flesh and more expressive than an _actual_ costume.

Groans were heard around at the idea of a Noah _asking_ whatever it was to an _Exorcist_ while other's attention was chained to the fact that their new (or would it be old? After all she belonged to the previous generation) member of the family didn't even know _who_ she was. It wasn't the same of when _their_ genes started to wake up, even more because she had already been through this process.

The Earl's mind was caged in this second fact…

She had forgotten.

_She_ had forgotten _everything_.

The fact she was currently traveling alongside Walker (he couldn't even imagine _how_ this had happened, and _where she had been all those years_ ) it wasn't that bad. It might be easier to hunt the both of them together rather than separately, however…

For some moments, old memories came alive in his mind… Talks they had had, times he had spent with her and other Noah, when he had first encountered her… But along those, there was a bigger one. One that felt connected to all other remembrances of back then, which consumed everything until it was the only one left: The memory of Neah murdering the others and trying to kill him.

And as it always happens with memories, this was a mental scalpel that reopened old wounds in the brain and soul that, in reality, had never stopped bleeding. And in this red river the sounds of water had voices of the past, his own lost in a cacophony of those that had been the previous Noah generation.

_"Neah, what are you_ doing _?"_

_"He… He killed Wisely"_

_"Why? Why is he doing this?"_

_"It has to be like this."_

_"No, it doesn't!"_

_"Please, just tell me what is going on"_

_"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry…"_

She didn't remember.

Not him, Road or any of the other Noah...

" _Neah… Could it be that you had something to do with this?"_ The Earl closed his eyes with a barely-held sigh. Lulubell's news had revived the sensation of loss.

"And how was she?" Fiidora asked with interest, while the twins still muttered to themselves. "What she looked like?"

"Dark hair." The thought escaped the Earl's mouth as though he didn't realize he was speaking as the others' heads turned to him. "Blue-gray eyes."

Lulubell nodded.

"The Walker boy called her… Raz." It was the first time the Noah of Lust said the other's name.

There was some silence, with a few members looking at the Earl's direction, his immediate lack of reaction only feeding their own curiosity. The Patriarch held a chuckle and took a breath before his voice worked with a gentleness laced with interest.

"Oh, what a most _unexpected_ situation, is it not?" He purred in his cheerful way that would always give birth to shivers in the bones of the Exorcists that crossed his path. "Not only she doesn't know who she is, but she is now traveling with Walker. Who could expect such an event?"

It was hard to say if he really found it amusing.

"How did _that_ happen?" Tyki asked, not bothering to hide his surprise with all that he had heard, though now the perspective of hunting the boy down had become even more interesting, something he hadn't considered possible.

"Isn't that the great question, Tyki-pon?"

"Do you want us to go fetch them?" Devit suggested with a gleam in his eyes as his brother sat straighter, anxiousness dancing in his gold eyes but the Earl denied the request with a shake of his head and a wave of his gloved hand. It sounded like the best course of action, but the circumstances had turned even more delicate than before. The twins quieted down, though clearly disappointed.

"Have some patience you both." Sheryl commented, his smile sending a clear message that there was no need of hurry. After all, soon the boy and the girl would be with them… _In a way or another._

"They must be gone by now, probably. And I cannot pretend _this_ has happened before…" The Earl ran his eyes through the table, studying the others. "I mentioned that we all thought she was dead. Thirty-five years ago, she…" The second of silence wouldn't have been noticed by others that were not his family. " _Raz,_ disappeared. We couldn't feel her presence in any way, so we assumed she had been killed by Neah. It had been something so absolute that when your Noah genes started to wake up, me and Road weren't even sure the same would happen with hers…"

The other Noahs exchange looks briefly, trying to imagine how it must have been to feel the disappearance of one of them with such intensity that the waking of the genes in another host had felt unlikely. The pain of losing Skin Bolic was still alive in them, a wound for which there was no healing, no hope of comfort or end to the mourning. Jasdero moved in his seat, unusually quiet.

And, yet, against all odds, Raz had come back… The logical path pointed to something (likely) involving the Fourteenth. None of them could recall the past events thanks to the wounds Neah had inflicted upon them so, therefore, something of this sort must have happened to the girl.

But to the point of making her forget _everything?_

Or was it because she had not been _killed_?

"Do you think Walker will tell her the truth? He may very well lie." It would be useful if he could make her believe in whatever he wanted. At Toraido's suggestion, Tyki shook his head with a chuckle.

"The boy wouldn't do something like that." He knew Allen Walker well enough to hazard a deduction at certain standard behaviors and decisions of his. "He will end up telling her everything, that's what he will do. And if he hasn't hurt her until now, I don't believe he plans to." Of this, he had no doubt. In certain aspects, the boy was an open book: Allen Walker wouldn't feel comfortable fighting someone in a condition such as the girl's… And taking in account the scene Lulubell had described, it didn't feel seem he had met this other Noah that same night.

Torado gazed at him for a moment without answering, which could be interpreted as a sort of acceptance of the Noah of Pleasure's words. It wasn't always easy to figure out what lied behind his demeanor, since his expression rarely betrayed his intentions.

"Do you think her presence will instigate the Fourteenth inside him?" Fiidora wondered out loud, the shadow of his tongue agitating behind the teeth.

"There is a possibility…" The Earl agreed slowly. "But, as Tyki said, it isn't of Allen Walker's nature _to lie."_ There was the question now of how best proceed.

"For now, let's revert to the original plan: Apocryphos will be hunting Walker." His voice was remained amiable, except for a moment of despise when he mentioned the sentient Innocence before looking back to Lulubell. "Were those really his feathers? Or Walker's Innocence in brute state?"

"Apocryphos', without a doubt, Master." She always called him by that term, even if the Earl didn't actually demand such treatment. "He was rendered incapable of fighting due to the pain until Raz started to tear them out of his arm."

Having heard this part already didn't stop others from reacting. Devit, Jasdero and Maashima scowled, the last almost growling. Wisely chuckled to himself softly and Tyki couldn't avoid a grimace as he recalled of when he had briefly faced Apocryphos in the dungeons of the Order and how the bastard's feathers had pierced his hands… They all could imagine how the girl must have felt touching them, something that didn't sit well with anyone at the table for several reasons. Even if they didn't _know_ the girl personally, this made no difference to the Noah's instinct.

"A piece of himself he left inside Walker… So, it would be easier to find him, I expect." He considered, turning to Tyki. "He must have done it while you and Road were there, as a precaution…" Having them removed didn't imply it would be a hopeless endeavor, just harder. And Walker's arm may react to his presence again, as Tyki had told it had happened back them.

Raz had helped Allen, yes, but wasn't there a chance that maybe she would prefer to stay in that city, in the hopes of finding (or better, be found by) the Clan? Especially if Walker had indeed told her the truth by now? She would have questions more than never…

She might have stayed there, waiting for them…

She _might.._.

The Earl took a deep breath, he knew better than to ignore the other hypothesis. She might decide to stay with the boy… And then? Well… Maybe it could be quite drastic to bring her back by force, as it would certainly be needed with Walker… Yes, maybe it would be drastic, but in this case all that mattered was the _result_. And as anxious as he was to have Neah and Raz at his side again, the appearance of Apocryphos demanded more attention now. It had been 7000 years since he had seen that bastard…

"What Raz did in the end help _us_ as well." They still could use Walker to attract Apocryphos and the creature would have one less advantage now.

"Earl?" Sheryl called. "Who is she?"

Silence was stronger after his words and when the Earl spoke, his voice was a whisper too delicate to break it completely.

"Raziah. The Noah of Loneliness."

The others didn't say anything to this, absorbing the information as their leader gave a smile.

"Well, let us be _merciful_ and let our _new family members_ rest for this night."

Tiny black cracks seemed to appear in the corner of his eyes, gleaming behind the glasses in golden pools. Eyes of a predator, aware that the prey cannot escape and has its fun watching it struggle.

"But _just_ for this night."

**XxX**

The dawn colored everything it touched with liquid golden. Though it was too early to tell, there was a promise of warmth in the sun that entered through the window and warmed Allen's face. There was comfort in this, almost as a memory that escaped a corner of his mind and became physical… Not in words and images, but in sensation.

He moved around a bit, aware this was not a moment of the past coming alive once more and that he needed to stand up since they should be in the right station already. If he didn't, someone would just come and call him anyway.

Stretching his shoulders and spine, he straightened himself, his mind clearing the remains of some dream that he couldn't fully remember. Despite the a bitter trace it had left (whatever it had been), Allen felt a bit better, refreshed inside, the sleep having washed away the bad sensations of last night.

In front of him, Raz slept.

She was huddled in her seat, legs against her chest, forehead touching the window. At first, she seemed calm enough but Allen didn't need a long observation to notice this was not the case: Her breathing was quicker than usual, one of her shoulders twitching in a tick and, while he watched, her lower lip shivered in a silent whimper.

Imperceptible signs to others, but he saw them as cracks in an open field.

She was having a nightmare.

Another whimper, too low to be heard if Allen wasn't paying attention… It was the sound of a small animal losing its strengths as it is slaughtered.

She huddled a bit more, as if wanting to disappear. Her nails dug the gauzes, lifting some threads, opening them.

"Raz" Allen called, going to her and shaking her shoulder. "Hey, Raz, wake up!"

He called her once more until her eyes opened with a shock. For an instant, a golden shadow ran over them and Allen could see some remains of fear that started to fade when the Noah realized where she was.

"What the…" She muttered before looking at him and rubbing an eye. "Oh. Good morning… Have we arrived?"

"Uh-hm. Are you alright? You were agitated…"

"Hm? I guess I had a nightmare…" She scoffed at her own words to herself, realizing what she had just said. Of course it had been a nightmare, what else? There was a ill sensation in her, caused by dread in her sleep.

"About what?" Allen wondered, tilting his head to the side. Maybe she had dreamt about the events of last night? The girl became very quiet, soon denying with a movement of her head. She did not remember. Even the dread was now fading.

"I don't remember. Just let it go…" Raz muttered, picking her bag up. "Well… What do you think? Do you want to go search for an inn or just walk around the town first?" It wouldn't be a bad idea, she was quite hungry and they didn't have much food in their backpacks. If they would start to travel, they would need more supplies.

As they left the train, Allen became thoughtful.

"Actually… Are you okay? Or are you still tired?"

"I'm fine, why?"

"I was thinking that we could take a look in the forest after eating something…" Allen muttered, aware he could come across as too hasty, but unable to help it. He felt well rested and even though there had been such a fight last night, the perspective of having _something_ to do, something more rather than merely wander around in bars and gambling for money… It was too tempting to be ignored and it brought an excitation that was more than welcome.

Raz gazed at him quietly.

"I know, I know, we just arrived and it's too early…" He started to explain, but Raz shook her head again.

"Heart of Exorcist, hm?" She repeated what he had told her and shrugged. "Alright by me… Isn't this why we came here in the first place?"

Allen smiled.

"Good. C'mon, there must be a place nearby to get breakfast." He commented. "So, what did you think of your first train ride?" Actually, Allen wasn't that surprised that Raz had had a nightmare. He could recall his own… He had been in a mist-filled place, behind a huge glass wall. Out there, people walked by, talked, passed by him without seeing him… Allen cried and called… But they all just went on their paths. Even when he hit the glass, nothing happened. He was still there, trapped, away from those people, even those that were his friends, his family… And bit by bit, they disappeared in the cold mist and he remained there, in a transparent coffin, alone, alone, alone…

At some point, the dream has faded to the depth of his mind and, if he had dreamt something else, he couldn't remember.

"It was… Interesting." Raz told him in a controlled tone, as she had no desire to think about the shadows. Or what she had (or could have) done… It was just one more item in the long list of things she did not comprehend, so the girl would rather push the thought away. At least for now, when there was more to be done, enough to offer a distraction. "But tell me, how are we going to find if there is an Innocence here or not?"

Once out of the station, they looked around for a small café or something of the sort. This city was not a big one, but still bigger than the last one. At this time, people walked around with no worry but to arrive on time at work.

Allen caught sight of a small snack bar across the street. On the tables, people drank coffee as they read newspapers or just watched the street. A couple giggled to each other. A man with glasses was reading a book, a cup in his hand and a small plate with some snack on his table. It didn't seem like the city was facing trouble due to "monsters", but after many missions, Allen knew better than to judge by appearances.

"Ah, it won't be _that_ hard, believe me. We will just have to ask around." He explained as they stood behind a woman making her order. "Usually when there is Innocence, strange phenomena can happen too."

They picked a small menu, examining the options as they talked about the money they had saved up for such occasions. Allen opted for several mitarashi dangos as Raz decided for something she had already eaten before and picked a cheese sandwich and some small pieces of meat.

Once seated at a table under the sun, Allen asked her.

"Hey… Raz?" He was aware the subject he was about to mention was a delicate one, but it needed to be brought up all the same. "How do you think we can… Help you remember?" The question was just a door to the subject, he knew there was a limited number of options. That if there was any besides the obvious one: Talking to the other Noah.

The girl evaluated him for some seconds, unsure if she wanted to talk about it. The memories of last night, especially the shadows and the white feathers, tore her mind apart once more and turned her nerves into ice regardless of the sunlight.

"I don't know…"

Allen drank a bit of his coffee as he reflected about it. Raz's words regarding the transparency of his eyes came back to his mind and held a laugh. The girl meanwhile took a bite of her sandwich.

"It's just that I don't want to drag you with me by force…" Her eyebrows rose at his words, with no interruption. "And I know you want to remember, but I don't know how to help you." Or even if he could. And it was not right that he would try to solve his situation and not hers. Raz remained perfectly still for a moment before shrugging.

"I want to. I want to know who I am…" Not only who, but also _what._ Even with the fear, she still wanted to recall everything. "But…" She hesitated, needing to think about the better words to convey her feelings, looking at her plate for a moment. Or at least, her eyes were turned to it. "Everything that is happening now, this war, the Order… Since I'm a Noah, it means I'm involved anyway right? Like you…" She added, and for a moment it seemed she would try to smile again, that gesture Allen had seen like a wave in crystal mist. "So, in a way or another, I'll find out."

Allen wondered if this was her way of saying that it was alright, that she didn't mind that they had come after the akumas instead of doing something else… And regarding her past, how could they even begin to investigate about it? Raz didn't know even her last name or any other hint that could be helpful. No matter how much he thought about it, Allen could see just one solution…

Suddenly, his mind drifted to Neah… And how he had thought that all he was doing was to hate without even knowing everything regarding the Fourteenth.

Allen pushed those ideas away. He could deal with them later. What they had to now was to go to the forest nearby and check if there were really akumas. And if there was a reason.

**XxX**

While one or two people claimed to be were unsure regarding the rumors, most of the others who they asked for information gave the same answer: They shouldn't go even near that place, the best to do was to keep distance. A young man said he had heard talks about hunters being called to deal with the situation. The general consensus seemed to truly be what the man back at the station had talked about: Bears. A woman working in a clothing store said she feared the bear was probably sick, maybe with rabies.

"It's no place for you." The old man they were currently talking to growled, staring from one to another and waving his skinny hand. "I know young people thin' they can do everythin' and have more curiosity than a kitten, but you asked, so I'll tell ya: Stay off the woods."

It would have been an unpardonable cliché if the man's eyes were not so sharp.

"Do you think it is a bear, sir?" Allen asked with the same innocent expression he wore when asking a group if he could join their card game. Raz kept her usual veil of serenity.

"Bear, yeah, _right_ " The old man muttered, lowering his gaze for the first time. Yet, it only lasted a second and those eyes were back on them. "I dunno if it's a bear and you shouldn't think 'bout that." What, to Allen, was a disguised way of saying that he didn't believe this particular rumor. "You two shouldn't be lookin' for trouble, nuh."

" _Too late"_ They thought at the same time, needing effort to avoid exchanging glances. The man ran his hand through his grey hair, evaluating the two with blue eagle-eyes. There was no weakness or shivering in any of his movements despite his age.

"Has anything else happened, besides those attacks, sir?" Raz asked and the old man repeated what they had heard before: The lights. Apparently, starting since a few days ago, lights appeared once in a while when late in the night. Suave, people had told them, appearing at some point between the top of the trees and then spreading as a colored and semitransparent mantle.

"It is nothing that hasn't happened before." The old man continued. "Saw those lights m'self once when I was a kid, but it lasted only three nights. And they didn't cover so many trees like now."

Raz didn't need to ask or to look at Allen to comprehend that this sounded like a "phenomenon" related to Innocence. Why it would cause something of this nature, she didn't know and didn't think it mattered. Allen was about to smile and thank the man for his time and information when he was hit by those old eyes.

"Listen here…" The man leaned to them, whispering in a tone whose meaning they couldn't decipher. "What the devil are you two doin'? Two youngsters like you only with packs, askin' about this stuff…" He shook his head as if seeing them wasting their lives was not something that _bothered_ him, but disappointed and saddened. "Dunno know where you came from, but should search for a job… Settle down in a place, try to have a decent life, instead of travelin' around without a place to even fall dead."

Allen had heard advice of this nature (though it came more frequently in a different tone), just as he had already heard comments about vagabonds or abandoned children and his response was an automatic smile, thanking the man's words and for his time before he and Raz left.

And now, they were right in the woods.

Though the said lights just appeared during the night, it didn't mean a thing: Akumas could be searching the place at any time. Some people had even mentioned disappearances… Both had seen behind this definition. Those people had not "disappeared", they were dead and their bones had turned into dust in the wind. They wouldn't ever be found. Their bodies wouldn't ever be buried.

This was a closure their families and friends wouldn't ever have.

Raz understood there that having been told about this by Allen and getting involved in the case as it was happening now were two different things.

Another man had confessed he had been in the woods with a search party and insisted he hadn't seen a thing, but Allen had been assaulted by the strongest sensation that it was a lie. Not that it would surprise him. Most people didn't go around commenting about akumas to anyone.

"The old man said that he saw those lights before…" Raz started as she looked around, taking in the way the sunlight spilling itself on the leaves and dripping in the grass and stones on the ground, creating pools of melted gold. She touched an old oak, examining the size of the tree and the texture. The tree in itself was nothing new, but they had never returned to the forest where she had woken up and back that night, she had been too groggy, too confused to taken in her surroundings. For a moment, Allen regretted that. "Why did it start again now?"

"I have no idea…" Allen answered. "Well… Sometimes those things happen without a reason. Or at least none that we get to know." Raz said nothing else, as if this somehow fit well in her view of the scheme of things.

Allen was about to say this case may be a cyclic occurrence when they reached a point in the woods and his eye reacted, becoming black and red.

At the same time, a huge noise fell over them, echoing in the trees and making the leaves shiver.

Allen didn't waste time.

"This way!" He ran through the foliage, followed by the Noah girl. He couldn't see, but he could feel and hear the souls crying. It was low compared to the growing noise, yet, it stood above all the rest. The souls. Their cries.

They ran, they jumped over fallen trees and rocks. Blood thundered in Allen's ears. Despite never stopping, they could notice signs of violence. Trees had been taken down, some barks boasted dark marks similar to burns. Others had been torn apart as twigs.

They were deep inside the forest. There was no sign of life.

The noises increased, mixed sounds from which they could capture traits… Things hitting, laughter, screams and roars. There was a scent in the air, one both knew: Blood.

Among the vegetation ahead, they could see large figures moving around. There were more fallen trees in this part, pieces of earth seemed to have been taken off the ground or stomped somehow.

They reached a clearing that hadn't been made by nature. Large trunks were scattered around, as bones of some dragon. A bitter smell was strong there.

Three Akumas cackled as they flew around. One was a Level Three, the others boasting shapes that would bring nightmares of insanity to shame.

However, they weren't what attracted the attention of Allen and Raz.

What did were the people fighting.

Innocence Accommodators, no doubt.

They _didn't_ wear the Order's uniform.

They both froze for different reasons. One of those people (a man) jumped to the side of one of his companions, aiding in an attack against one of the akumas, a humanoid-like being whose members were thin and long as snakes. In its chest, there was a salience alike two human heads interconnected as conjoined twins, mouths open in a silent cry, faces twisted.

The Level Three akuma, meanwhile, attacked another person who tried to defend, but was thrown against a broken tree, hurting their back even without losing the balance. Someone screamed, the sound getting lost in the cacophony of growls, laughs and attacks.

"Stay here!" Allen told Raz before activating his arm and running to the Level Three as it positioned itself to a new attack. Its laughter mixed in Allen's ears with the mournful cry of the soul caged in it.

"But…" Raz wanted to protest, but remained where she was. Her nerves were thorns, there was a storm in the corner of her mind, however what could she do? She had no Innocence and didn't even know how to use whatever ability she had, didn't even know how to work with it…

Her mind hurt.

She ignored it.

In that moment, she felt useless and hated herself for it.

A shadow slithered close to her feet, a black snake coming to life. The vision of what had happened in the train pierced her nerve endings and the girl immediately took a deep breath.

The Level Three roared in surprise, hate and pain when Allen's sword hit it. A clamor of a bell echoed, silencing everything for a moment as the white-haired boy landed at the side of the person who had been thrown against the tree. It was a girl, staring with him with shock that was soon forgotten when the akuma moved towards them. She ran towards it… For a moment of insanity, they seemed two friends happily meeting again.

A blinding ray of light appeared when they crashed. Allen, not stopping to watch, attacked another akuma. As a spider pierced, the thing let out a roar-like scream and his claws tried to hurt Allen, but it was too late.

Among the chaos, its substance undid itself and there was a whisper only Allen was able to hear.

" _Thank you…"_

He turned back to the girl and the Level Three Akuma. In that _danse macabre,_ she panted, never stopping trying to hit it, but the thing was faster and while it avoided her, it moved a thorn-covered member as a whip. Allen saw a strange greenish light in the girl's hands while she tried to punch her opponent.

Another person of the group tried to help, but the akuma was too resistant. In the other side of the clearing, the man and someone else tried to keep the humanoid akuma away from the others. Allen went against the Level Three, cutting the branch-like appendance. The creature cried in indignation and backed away a bit, allowing the girl with shining hands to jump against it, hitting its chest.

There was a strange sound when she pierced it. Something metallic, but also soft and almost watery-like.

The akuma growled, but his branches attacked, sending the girl back in the ground and leaving blood drops in the air.

"DAMN YOU!" The person who had been helping her yelled. Allen stood in front of the fallen girl, using the white mantle to make a shield and seeing white things falling over the akuma as a rain of fire. The thing turned back to the person (another girl, Allen realized by the voice), its attention diverting from Allen and the other woman for now.

The boy took his chance.

There was a white thunder.

Screams…

And then, silence.

He turned back, but the girl was standing already. It wasn't her hands that shined, but the spike-shaped blades that came out of her gloves, reminding Allen briefly brass knuckles. She looked too surprised to speak, but her eyes evaluated him up-down with open wariness.

Allen noticed once more, this time with far more awareness, how she wasn't wearing the Order's uniform and, apparently, she might be doing the same regarding him.

An explosion warned him that the last akuma had been destroyed. The other two members of the group approached them, eyes full of distrust.

And the birth of the silence weighted over them all.


	6. Act Six – Long Paths, Crossed Paths

* * *

_"Learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks" – Isaac Watts._

 

The silence was a shroud of liquid iron, filling and involving everything in the clearing, not allowing any of the people to move. Raz hesitated for a moment, unsure of the right course of action before she came closer to Allen, any sound her feet could make being devoured by the overpowering silence.

"Who are you?" The girl with the gloves asked, trying to keep a firm voice despite the fact they had just finished fighting akumas; her eyes, brown and almond-shaped, were fixated in Allen. Her chest still moved quite fast as she tried to recover her breath, gloves emitting that soft greenish gleam of Innocence.

Allen hesitated, not needing to look to Raz to know that underneath her apparent calmness, there would be a frozen distrust and he didn't feel much comfortable with making introductions himself. Those people didn't wear the Order's uniform or its symbol, but this didn't mean a thing.

What to do? Were they with the Order or not? Did they know about Allen? What would they do, then?

"You're Accommodators…" He risked, just to say something as he observed her. She was biracial, mocha-skinned with black her. She offered no response. The other girl, the one who had cursed the Akuma made a little sound that was alike a scoff.

"So are you." She said with an undecipherable expression, analyzing Allen from head to toe. She had a bow in her pale hands, a deep-blue object with curious carvings, but there were no arrows in sight. "But this is not an answer."

"Thanks for the help, of course!" The first girl said quickly. Under the sun, some strands of her hair seemed to have a chocolate-hued reflex, falling in soft waves until reaching a little under her shoulders. She hesitated, as if wanting to say something else when the man was faster.

"Are you from the Black Order?" He was the tallest of the group and Allen guessed he might be taller than Komui (perhaps a few years older as well), with broad shoulders and the darkest skin he had ever seen in his entire life.

"No, we're not." Raz told them, deciding it would be better to be honest, running her eyes through the people as she tried to evaluate the situation while trying to ignore a discomfort in her insides that seemed to be growing. Suddenly, she wished they would deactivate their Innocences. The situation was delicate as it was and being near those things was teasing a certain irritation in her.

Raz pinned it down to the fact that she was, well, a Noah.

The way the tall man had just made the question gave the impression the group was not with the Order either, but Allen wasn't sure what to think of it. He reminded himself he had never seen those people and many exorcists had been reported killed by the Noah, very few remaining.

But the Order would certainly have informed them about other Accommodators, right?

" _And who can guarantee this?"_ A mocking little voice came from the depths of his mind, but Allen ignored it.

"You…" He hesitated, feeling it might take a mere wrong word and they would have another fight at hand, so he spoke slowly. "You don't seem to be part of it as well…"

In answer, the girl with the bow sneered to herself while she kept observing with deep green eyes. Allen noticed she was holding her weapon tighter now.

"And we're not" The last member of the group said shrugging, a blonde woman whose hair fell right over her shoulders in a bobcat haircut and who, up until now, had been quiet. "And if you're not with the Order, then who are you?"

"May I ask the same?" Allen inquired politely. The last thing he wanted was a fight and, regarding those people, he would rather have some information first before giving any. He had to be sure there would be no risk in talking to them… But if they were not Exorcists (somehow, the thought moved what felt like an old wound in him), how could they have Innocences and know about akumas? This didn't make any sense.

They exchanged looks.

"How can we be sure?" The green-eyed girl wondered, but neither Allen nor Raz were certain she was speaking to them or just to her friends. Upon hearing this, the black man shook his head without blinking and ran his hand through his long dreadlocks-like curs, eyes going from his companions to Allen and Raz. The boy had the impression he could break someone's bones as easily as a twig.

"Well, how can _we?"_ Raz replied in a voice that couldn't be interpreted, not changing her tone. Allen changed the weight of his body from a foot to another, how many times must he be treated as a suspect?

However, Blonde started to laugh, hiding her mouth with her hand as the Mocha-Skinned girl threw Green Eyes an amused look.

"Yeah, they got you with this one, Ali" She commented with a smile. The gesture seemed to illuminate not her face, but her whole self and her voice was softer when she said. "Well, I don't know how to answer that… I'm Lauren Ashford, this is…"

"Alison Rouwen." Green-Eyed introduced herself with a nod, before putting a strand of her long hair behind her ear. Although she seemed to be seventeen, give it or take it, her hair was grey. Not light or the frail-looking hue old people could have sometimes, but a medium, strong hue.

"My name is Samuel Kallen." The black man told them with the apparently always-serene tone, but his voice was deep and made Allen think about the purring of a panther or tiger. The blonde woman nodded in greeting.

"Elana Verenaris."

"I'm Allen Walker…" While there was a part of him that thought it too risky to say his real name, he considered that he had already taken all risks in showing himself like he had. He greeted them with a nod before gesturing to Raz. "And she is Raz" The Noah girl repeated his gesture without taking her eyes off the others, who greeted her as well. Samuel Kallen studied them with his black eyes.

"Well, as Lauren said, thanks for the help. I thought those akumas would end us…" He commented, turning his eyes back to his friends. Allen knew the marks of worry in that look, having seen them many times in his own friends or in a mirror. "I didn't think we would meet a Level Three…"

"None of us did." Lauren sighed and shrugged, the gloves ceasing their weak gleam and the blades disappearing as if they had never been there. In that way, they looked like simple black gloves that left her fingers out.

"Are you okay? Your back…" Allen asked, recalling how she had been thrown against a broken trunk.

"Oh, I'm fine, it was nothing major." She smiled and turned as to prove it. Broken pieces of the tree had cut her back. There was little blood, even if Allen was quite sure he could notice bruises in formation. Or maybe it was just because he _knew_ they would be there soon.

"Nothing, yeah, right…" Elana muttered as Samuel rolled his eyes. Her attention was back to Allen and Raz, as Alison examined Lauren's cuts, ignoring the other's protests that there was no need for this and that they had been lucky. "And you? Are you two hurt?"

"We're okay." Allen answered, turning to Raz who limited herself to a nod in silence. He briefly wondered if she was always quiet with new people (their own meeting barely counted, considering the circumstances) or if she was lost in her own thoughts. His attention, for the moment, was more focused in knowing who those people truly were, aware that he didn't need to repeat his question. Samuel still studied them calmly… It didn't seem that the man trusted them, but Allen didn't think there was any hostility there either.

And not him, nor Raz, were surprised with this distrust.

It was expected.

"We came here because we heard rumors" Raz tried with caution, uncertain of how to start (or give continuity) to the conversation. They were the first Innocence compatible she met besides Allen and she also felt that the wrong words could lead to a fight. And she still wasn't comfortable, but she could no longer tell the reason was the Innocence (or at last that _alone_ ). Lauren nodded.

"That how it was for us, we were just… Auch, Ali, stop that, I'm fine! We were in the neighbor city at east, and we heard a woman saying she had seen monsters here and, well, it was quite clear what it was about." She sighed and turned when Alison finally stopped overlooking her wounds. "We came to investigate, but…"

"We found more than we expected." Elana completed.

"We heard about some lights…" Allen told them frowning. "So, we thought there should be an Innocence here. Have you heard about that as well?" The group nodded slowly.

"Yes, but we were thinking more about the akumas than…" Lauren looked to her friends, a new smile appearing while she placed her hands on her waist. "Hey, why on Earth are we all standing here? If we're going to talk, let's go back to the city!"

Before the others could say a thing, she turned as if going out the clearing, gesticulating for the two of them to follow as well when, looking back, she saw Allen and Raz hesitating. Despite the lack of trust, they decided to comply.

"You still didn't tell us where you came from…" Alison noted in a polite enough way, but that seriousness hadn't left her green eyes. The bow now rested alone in a quiver whose strap crossed her chest and boasted the same figures Allen had seen in the bow, complex and spiral-like images and runes in fine veins. Without the Innocence activated, it looked old and nearly useless, especially with the absence of arrows.

"We're travelers…" He answered. It wasn't quite a lie, was it? "We…" He meant to say they were not with the Black Order, but suddenly, his vocal cords refused to work. As if they had been coated in iron. He took a deep breath, trying to ignore it, to make it go away. "We're not members of the Order…"

Mere words. He knew they couldn't be taken as proof.

Alison remained in silence and a brief shadow seemed to pass by her face as a veil, but under the skin rather than over it. Walking behind them, Elana seemed more interested in watching around in case there were more akumas hiding. They kept themselves quiet as they walked, unsure of what to say or what to talk about without risking going back to the main subject. Allen's thoughts ran through all he knew, trying to find some memory that worked as indicative to whom those people actually were, without success. They couldn't be Accommodators who had just found their Innocences by themselves if they knew about the Order's existence…

" _But they aren't allies of the Earl either…"_ He reflected, moments of the fight appearing in his mind in brief flashes. His eyes went to Samuel, feeling the man observed him, but he avoided his gaze as soon as Allen turned his face. In that brief instant he saw those dark eyes, Allen thought he had seen _something_ in them, but he couldn't be sure.

When the path became larger, signaling they would soon reach the city, Lauren turned to them.

"We haven't eaten anything yet. Why don't you guys join us? It's on us, as a thanks."

Allen looked at Raz, who merely raised her shoulders.

It was an occasion to talk and try to understand everything in anyway.

"Of course…"

**XxX**

The small restaurant was modest and, perhaps for that very reason, quite pleasant. During their walk of going in the woods and back, the hours had passed by without Allen realizing it and morning slowly had turned into day. It wasn't lunchtime yet and the local wasn't full, but soon people would arrive before heading to afternoon shifts, children with their parents.

Opting for a table away in a corner, close to a window, Allen and Raz sat in one side with Samuel, while Alison sat in front of the man. Elana and Lauren had gone to the bathroom, so the blonde could at least clean the other's back. Allen had offered some of the gauze and serum he had on his backpack when Elana commented they should pass by the inn they were spending the night to cover the wounds with something.

After some moments, they were back. Lauren wore a light khaki coat over her shirt to hide the ripped parts. The wounds weren't as serious as they could have been, but she would probably spend some nights sleeping on her belly and her back would hurt for days before it was fully healed.

"Have you guys come here before?" Elana asked as she looked over the menu.

"No, we just arrived today." Allen told her, seeing no reason to lie over such a small matter. At his side, Raz remained in silence, just watching the conversation. He couldn't tell what she was thinking of all this or even if she was truly reading the menu or merely looking at it.

"We're always traveling too. Samuel and Alison had been here before, haven't you?" Lauren asked before making her order to a waiter. Despite having been telling Allen and Raz they could order whatever they wanted, both kept their minds in their own savings even if the place wasn't expensive (perhaps the strange group also tried to not spend more than necessary?).

"It wasn't for long…" Alison commented with a shrug.

"I've been here two times, more or less. But it was a long time ago…" Samuel said almost absently before turning to Allen with a thoughtful expression. "You said you're called Allen Walker, right?"

"Yeah…" Allen felt wariness dominate his body, growing from his spine. Had Kallen remembered something? Was he going to contact the Order? Or somehow… Allen tried to tell himself there was no reason for those worries, but the sensation didn't go away. Could it be that Samuel had heard about him being the host of the Fourteenth? Or how the Order had classified him as a Noah? Maybe…

But the man's question surprised him.

"Sorry, do you know Marian Cross, by any chance?"

Allen felt like his mind had been pierced by ice.

Had Kallen asked what he thought he did?

Samuel Kallen… Knew Cross?

With the shock, his mind went back to the room with the bloodstained, broken window… Hearing that Cross had been attacked, that… He swallowed hard, trying to push it away again.

Raz was observing him, wondering exactly what they were talking about.

"Cross?" Lauren asked with a frown before snapping her fingers. "Wait, wasn't he that friend of yours?"

Allen couldn't hide his shock. Truth to be told, even if he had just met them, Samuel didn't strike him at all like someone he would associate with his Master. The man leaned his head to the side a bit in a shrugging-like manner and with a smile that was almost childlike as he held a laugh.

"Well, until the point someone can be his friend, I suppose…"

" _Or until the point Master is…_ Was… _Someone's friend…"_ Allen corrected him mentally and lowered his gaze to the plate the waiter had just brought to him, poking the food with the fork for an instant and Samuel's attention was on him again.

"Cross told me about you" He explained, making Allen look back at him. Master had spoken of him? He couldn't say he had ever expected that and now, with the broken window still behind his eyes, Allen didn't know what about it. "He told me a little about an apprentice called Walker, but I was not sure it was you. How is he doing?"

Allen wondered when the Master had met Samuel and talked about him… The most likely was the time between when Allen had headed to the Order and when they had met again in the Ark in Edo. Or maybe before that? During those times when Cross would run off, sensing the people who he owned money were getting close?

He wondered how much Kallen knew or had learnt about Cross…

"He… He died…" Oh, but that wasn't just it, was it? He hadn't just _died_ , but been _murdered_. Once again, the boy saw it happen in his mind, just as he had seen when Apocryphos had touched him in the dungeons. A cold wave that had nothing to do with fear or tension ran through his body, washing all in its way.

At his side, Raz watched with the corner of her eyes. Anyone passing by may assume her to be absolutely disinterested in what was going on. Elana and Lauren exchanged worried looks, Lauren biting his lower lip. Samuel however didn't seem shocked or worried. He frowned with a controlled expression, taking some sips of his drink before lowering the glass, seriousness marking his face and turning his eyes into those of a hawk.

"Were the corpses found?"

"Hm?"

"The corpses" Samuel repeated in the same tone as the girls observed the talk, apparently not knowing what to say of this or maybe not understanding exactly what he meant too. "His corpse and Maria's grave."

"Well… No." The answer came slowly from Allen's mouth, but the amount of blood and what he had seen through Apocryphos' eyes acted as daggers, cutting any line that pointed to a chance of Cross having survived. Even so, upon hearing this, Samuel scoffed and shook his head.

"Then it is too early to say he is dead." Maybe noticing something in Allen's eyes, he nodded, emphasizing his words. "Believe me, when it comes down to Cross… You can only say such thing if you've _seen_ his body." He took a moment to consider. "On second thought, perhaps I would believe it _only_ after seeing his body being _cremated_."

Lauren and Elana held a laughter, the brown-skinned girl leaning her face in one of her hands as Alison rolled her eyes while smiling, seeming to relax with her friend's reaction. Allen stayed in silence, unsure if he could hold on to those words. Cross' death had affected him more than he would admit out loud. Their relationship had never been easy to classify, oscillating too much through different sensations so he could find a firm ground, but the news of his death… It had been only then that Allen realized he had never thought about Cross _dead._

It wasn't that Allen deluded himself about the fragility of the lives of those around him (and his own), but somehow Cross had always seemed, if not above it, at least someone whose chances of survival were higher than many others. Always resourceful. Always strong. To have him being murdered like that… It felt wrong. Insulting. Less than he deserved, somehow…

Was it really possible that Cross might be still alive? Samuel's words carried such certainty that, suddenly, Allen _wanted_ to believe it. Deep inside, a small seed of doubt persisted. Instead of suffocating it, Allen kept it. It was better to not overdo with hopes, so fragile and easily crushed by reality.

But that didn't mean he couldn't keep _some._

"He is probably around somewhere…" Samuel continued, still smiling. "And now he has a great excuse to not go back to the Order. I expect he will be _thrilled_ about that."

Allen bit a part of his tongue. Without even realizing it, they were back to the main subject at hand. He watched Raz with the corner of her eyes, but not only she seemed completely disinterested in contributing to the conversation, her eyes were lowered to her food. Allen was sure her attention was in every word regardless.

"Have you guys run off together?" Lauren asked, some seriousness coming to her words. It was not the same as asking if they just weren't part of the Order anymore, this was more direct to the point.

"I was the one who went away." Allen assumed (and even putting it in words like that still bothered him. Would that ever go away?) and gestured with his head to the silent girl at his side. "And I met Raz afterwards."

Again, this couldn't be taken as a lie.

"I'm just…" They would probably have realized by now that she was no Exorcist, since she hadn't taken part in the battle. The only thing she could hope was that they would believe that she was just a regular human. Could Exorcists (previous Exorcists, she corrected herself) sense her nature somehow? The idea unsettled her.

"She is a friend of mine." Allen emended with a smile. Though not letting it show, Raz was a bit surprised. Up until now, she hadn't given much thought (if any at all) about her relationship with Allen (not that she even had enough basis or experience to try and categorize it) and it had been the very recent events that had strengthened whatever little trust she had in him…

But it was the first time any of them spoke about the other as _friends._

"And why did you decide to leave it?" The other girl carried on.

Allen's mind went through several possible answers. He didn't want to tell them about Apocryphos (for several reasons) and it wouldn't be sensate to just go and say that, to the Order, he was now an enemy. He hadn't told all the details that had thrown him in this situation to Raz yet and he felt less enthusiastic about telling to this to strangers he had just met.

A lie was born in his mind, but before it could travel to his mouth, Alison shook her head to Lauren as she muttered the other's name with a vague tone of reprimand before turning back to him.

"There is no need to tell, it doesn't matter."

Lauren blushed a bit.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that…" She scratched the back of her head with a weak smile. "I kinda of get carried away sometimes… I'm sorry." After all, they didn't even know each other and there she was asking questions that could be (most certainly _were_ ) too personal. God knew _she_ had had had her own reasons to leave the Order and though some could consider them weak, they had been strong enough for her.

"We're all people who left the Black Order. We all had our own motives as well…" She added quietly before sighing. "We met during our travels and decided to stay together. So here you have us…" The smile with which she finished the brief explanation was warm. It was a simple way of putting things, despite them being far from it.

"Exterminating akumas…" Allen said slowly, while trying to understand how that could be even possible. In all his time in the Order he had never heard of Exorcists leaving it. "Still as Exorcists…"

Alison denied with a sharp movement of her head, a pale fire in her green eyes.

"Not _Exorcists_ , since we're not with the Order." Displeasure was clear in her when she said the term and was in silence for a second, before indicating the blonde with a gesture of her head before picking her drink up. " _Elana_ thinks that if someone would call us anything, it would be _Exiled Ones."_

Elana raised her hand to cover a chuckle at that as Lauren let out a mutter of agreement, seeming amused by the idea. By the way Samuel held a laugh and Alison rolled her eyes, Allen felt that this was an old talk, almost as an inner joke, like so many he and his friends had.

"And… Does the Order know about you guys?" He couldn't avoid the question. Months ago, he would have assumed the answer to be negative, but now it occurred to him that it wasn't always that the Central shared and told everything to others, let alone the Exorcists. And maybe those people could give him some hints? To be hunted by Akumas was something, but the Central was another matter altogether.

"We don't know… I do believe some people of the Central may have suspicions..." Samuel said with his involving voice, resting his fork in the middle of his salad. "Some of us just ran away during or after missions. Others, like Alison here, faked their own deaths, but I don't know if _everyone_ believed that…"

Allen caught himself thinking about Levelier.

"I think some may have not…" He muttered, soon adding. "I mean, it's not that I've ever heard anything about you, but… Well…"

"When it comes down to the Central…" Alison said, not even needing to finish the sentence while Allen nodded. Yes, it was hard (maybe impossible) to be sure of what the Central knew or not. Thinking about what Samuel had said, about some of them having just ran off, Allen was almost sure this would be enough for suspicions, even with death being such a probable justification.

Meanwhile, another question, tangled in memories, called his attention.

" _Wait, if they left the Order… How come they haven't turned into Fallen Ones?"_ This question weighed more than how they had managed to avoid being seen by Finders or other Exorcists. It wasn't as if Allen was an expert in the subject either. From what he recalled, Lenalee had told him this happened when the synchronization level fell too much and this was what had happened to Suman Dark, especially due to his betrayal.

The echo of Suman's voice tried to escape from the depths of his mind, but Allen blocked it. It wasn't time for this. He also decided to put that question aside and think about it later… There must be a _reason_ for which those people hadn't suffered the same fate.

"And you keep hunting akumas, even if by yourselves…" He repeated.

"It's what we know how to do…" Was Lauren's answer, though Allen noted the corners of her mouth were slightly turned down as if she had tasted something bitter and was trying to hide it. However, he did not insist. Just like he didn't need to explain his reasons, they didn't need to explain theirs, either.

He knew they should be less than simple. And without a doubt, not at all pleasant.

He felt Lauren's gaze leaving him and going briefly to Raz. Maybe the girl was just curious as the why the other was being so quiet or wondering how much Raz knew regarding the Order, but in any case, Allen decided to not risk and tried to lead the conversation to a more secure ground.

"After what we've heard and those akumas, I'm _sure_ there is an Innocence in that forest." And for some reason, this caused a light feeling. As if there was a seed of normality in a sea of chaos… None of the others disagreed with the idea, but the air became vaguely tense as a flower blooming among the silence.

"So we better leave." Alison decided without hesitation. Allen looked from one to the other, finding no signs of objection in anyone. Lauren nodded to herself. This surprised him, the idea of just leaving an Innocence to be found by the akumas or worse…

"Wait, what do you mean?"

Alison merely shrugged, untouched.

"Just this deal of trees shining and akumas around will be enough for the Order to send someone soon. It's better if we're not here when that happens."

"We always avoid any chance of getting in contact with anyone who even _seems_ to have connections there. It's not safe." Elana explained slowly. Allen felt stupid for saying anything. This wasn't like before that whole mess, it wasn't like the missions for the Order. And those people… The Central couldn't know they were still alive, possible suspicions aside.

Allen remembered the Crows, Kanda's memories and when he had been put ( _imprisoned)_ in the dungeons…

Yes, he understood it.

Maybe those people were right, maybe he and Raz should leave as well…

"But we're already here. And the akumas are already after this Innocence. What if they find it first?" The bitter taste that was born from the idea of leaving was too strong to be ignored, a wave that spread to his whole body.

He felt bad, aware this could mean a great risk…

Was he being selfish?

Elana and Lauren exchanged looks again while Alison turned her attention back to her food. Samuel studied Allen before explaining what he had already seen: This wasn't on the top of their list of worries.

"Allen, we avoid getting involved in matters that may have caught the slightest interest of the Order" He whispered. "Exterminating akumas is one thing, going after an Innocence… It's quite different."

" _And it's not like we would be able to do anything…"_ Allen suddenly thought. They couldn't search for an Accommodator and, even in the remote eventuality of finding someone, they wouldn't be able to use the Innocence in brute state.

In the end, there was nothing they could do.

"But if the akumas find it, the Innocence will be destroyed…" He muttered, almost to himself. What was the right choice? What was the right thing to do now?

He did his best to not look at Raz. Though she hadn't said a word or given any reaction, he felt a small spasm going through her body. He had explained this was something the Clan did, but he knew better than anyone that there was an abyss between _knowing_ something and _experiencing_ it.

Raz, on another hand, felt her flesh agitating under her skin as if about to burst it. During all the conversation, her emotions had oscillated and she didn't know for sure how to define them, but now the question had changed. She cared not what would happen to any Innocence (nonetheless part of her mind did wonder how _exactly_ a thing like that could be destroyed), however, more than the mention of the Noah, it was Allen's tone that had caught her attention: Controlled, but still bearing traces of nervousness he tried to hold back.

Still, she thought Alison and the others were right. It would be more reasonable to just let the Order handle that.

"The Noah killed most of the Exorcists" At this, the others turned to him again. Alison moved her head so fast he thought her neck would snap. "There are very few of us left now, they also destroyed other Innocences. I don't think anyone knows how many are left…"

Alison was still. Lips parted slightly, she seemed unable to find anything to say. Now it was understandable why Allen was so worried at the prospect of just leaving an Innocence unprotected to be found by a bunch of akumas… She could count with her fingers of just one hand how many times in those years they had passed by a place that maybe, _maybe_ could have an Innocence around and they had always backed away.

They lived destroying akumas, but this didn't mean they had any notion of how the war was going…

She meant to say something to that "few of _us_ ", but closed her mouth halting the words. Allen probably meant to say this as "Accommodators" rather than "Exorcists", to which she would have replied again that they were _not._ On another side, Alison still didn't feel any inclination to stay and risk meeting someone from the Order after taking precautions to avoid the very same thing for so long.

Allen looked from one to another. Now, in the silence, he didn't know for sure the exact reason that compelled him to insist, but it didn't matter. When his eyes crossed with Raz's, she stared at him for just a moment before looking at Samuel and the others, limiting herself to the role of spectator and making him wonder what she would rather do.

" _Maybe to her it doesn't even make a difference?"_

"Are things…" Elana wondered, voice becoming a muttering that sounded as the echo of a memory. "Going that bad?"

**XxX**

"And how is he?"

The doctor charged shook his head, without needing to read the data in the report he had stuck to a clipboard, already knowing what was written on it.

"Still weak. We don't know for sure what they did to him…" He handed the papers to Komui, who studied the exams' results without much hope of noticing something different from last time. "He went through another seizure last night and we did our best. There is no way to predict if and when this will happen again and all we could do was to restrain him, so he wouldn't hurt himself."

Komui nodded, just to indicate he was listening. The tests weren't revealing what exactly was of abnormal in Chaozii's organism and some results were that of a man with a perfect health. What consisted in an ironic and cruel joke, once one of his seizures had seemed to leave him at death's doors.

The only thing they knew was that the Noah were responsible.

" _Which doesn't help in really_ anything!" The supervisor thought, with a need of controlling his fingers to not shiver when frustration gave birth to a strong wish to throw the clipboard at the ground with all those useless papers and just yell and yell.

"There is nothing we can do for now, except to monitor him…" The doctor carried on when Komui gave the report back to him. The man looked just as tired, despite his experience treating those wounded by Noahs or Akumas. "We'll try other reactions and maybe we can find a medicine to at least avoid some seizures or any pain he may be feeling."

Komui agreed and walked away, mind running though several different ideas of what the Noah could have done to Chaozii, however the conjectures were no more than pale ideas and he knew the true answer could be worse than anything he was able to think.

" _A talent that all Noah share"_ He thought bitterly. " _Make your worst nightmares look like child's dreams."_

He went back to the Science Department room, sitting at his table when Reever came closer. Then Komui noticed some of the people around also seemed to be paying attention. Well, with everything considered, this was hardly surprising.

"Anything new?" The man asked, managing a pretty believable imitation of control in his voice, as he usually did in tense situations. Someone might say this wasn't the most critic time they had experienced, but it depended on the point of view.

"Nothing. He is still in coma." This was the only term available, the medical staff (as well as everyone else) knew it was nothing of the sort. Komui added. "He had another seizure, I was told. He seemed to be stable while I was there, but..."

Reever just agreed. There wasn't much more to be said, except one thing. And he would rather not have to say it at all. He had heard before about how things tended to improve with time (or you just learned to live with the facts), but if someone asked him, nothing seemed to be in a path for improvement and he doubted they would ever get used to the current situation.

"While you were in the hospital wing, there was a message. Levelier called for you, he wants to _talk."_

A silent comprehension passed between the two of them. Ever since that particular night, Levelier had no longer sought for Komui or Lenalee, which had made all in the Science Department grateful just as worried, for when someone like Levelier kept himself away and quiet for too long, the tension of waiting grew until something finally happened. They all knew he wouldn't just "let it go" or "give up" talking to the two of them regarding the events of that night. It wasn't different, Reever considered, from being tied up and seeing a bomb's wick slowly go out, forced to wait for the explosion.

Komui didn't show any immediate reaction. After that night, he had recovered the mask of self-control and seriousness reserved for such occasions, especially in matters related to the Central. Even so, Reever and a few other members of the Science Department had known him for too long to be easily fooled. And Komui was aware of this.

Everyone in the room knew what Levelier wanted and expecting it didn't magically make it less unpleasant, as it happens with things we cannot avoid, no matter how much we desire it so.

"I better end this, then." He sighed, standing up again as he reflected, almost with scorn, that Levelier had even waited quite a long time before calling, probably, to demand interrogation from Lenalee.

" _Probably_ nothing, _it's the_ only _subject he would want to talk about."_

"Keep your head cool." Johnny advised, without real need at the same time he wished he had more to say. Something _useful._

"I'll do what I can…" Komui muttered as he left the room again.

Reever sighed, scratching the back of his head with a groan in his throat. At his side, Johnny still observed the hallway before his attention went back to the reports he had been revising, needing to force his mind to absorb the sense of anything he read. It was like his mind couldn't bother with associating the words with their meanings. And when he could force his attention, he felt numb. Floating in iron. Even his personal motivation, of help his friends the most he could, was not enough to make him feel better.

There had always been moments of a similar nature, as working in and for the Black Order could be exhausting and not only due to the workload. Once one learnt about that war, it became impossible to close his eyes and not think about their friend's wounds, about those who had lost their lives in the battlefield… Others could see them as "causalities", names on paper and working only in the Headquarters could distance some of them from the battlefield in a certain way, but it wasn't like this with him.

And lately, there had been moments when he felt as if the air had become poisoned with thoughts.

"Hey, Johnny…" Reever's voice bought him back to reality. But when they looked at each other, there were no words. The understanding in the silence was quite enough.

"Those reports are ready." The other told him, placing the papers on Komui's table. "They just need the supervisor' signature."

" _Just?"_ They muttered, almost smiling and remembering all the times that they had basically needed to force Komui to hold his pen to sign whatever it was, since the man seemed to have a true phobia of work.

It didn't take long for Komui to reach the room Levelier used to occupy as a particular office. He didn't stop in the way and neither when he came to the door, except for some seconds when he knocked and was answered with a "come in" muffled by the wood.

He took a deep breath. He had to stay calm.

Levelier raised his eyes from the papers he had been reading, a cup of tea (or coffee) in his other hand. Those could be studies of Innocence, information and investigations from Finders or any other thing.

"Oh, Supervisor Komui" The man greeted with a nod, resting the cup on the table. "Please, do take a seat."

The welcoming was polite enough, but the other man kept his silence. Latest events had made something he didn't believe to be possible: Lessened even more his displeasure towards the man, reaching levels that touched so deep his stomach that they caused an ill-like feeling.

It wasn't just because of Lenalee. One of the basic need of humans, especially when something bothers them, is to seek out a sort of escape valve, someone who they can blame and direct the bad sensation. It doesn't solve a thing, but brings a sick relief that helps to bear the poisoned emotions. Komui was aware of this, but there was no way he couldn't blame Levelier for great part of all that had happened, even if a mocking bug-like voice in his mind asked why _he_ hadn't tried harder to interfere.

"Do you accept some coffee?" Levelier asked as he put the papers straight and at the side of the table. "Or perhaps some cake? I found a new recipe that…"

"I believe it would be better if we talked about what you want..." Komui fought for a believable imitation of politeness and hurried to add, for good measure. "I do need to revise some data of my Department" The idea of sitting there, drinking coffee with Levelier as if nothing was wrong was enough to made his organs ache in their pool of blood. Few times he had felt such aversion for someone.

For an instant, the veil of gentleness in Levelier's eyes slipped, allowing a glimpse of something Komui was unable to identify before the man smiled once more, elbows on the table, fingers crossed and hands up to his chin.

"Very well." He said courteously, which didn't do anything to relieve Komui's sensation. "I believe you do know why I called you."

" _As if it was possible_ not _to"_ The other answered in his mind, fighting the urge to tell his superior to hurry up and get to the damn point.

"You want to interrogate Lenalee, sir." No need to disguise this as a question. He knew better.

"Lenalee, Miranda Lotto and Alistair Krory." It was the correction accompanied by a nod. Komui would have liked to say later that this had surprised him, but it would have been a lie. Everyone knew of the friendship among them and it would have been foolishness to think the Inspector wouldn't want to interrogate them as well. He would have called Lavi, wasn't he missing…

For a moment, nausea was dominated by worry. Komui could try to hope that Allen was, somehow, well (or at least alive and free), but Lavi and the Bookman were probably with the Noah...

Levelier studied him, his sharp eyes piercing Komui that refused to avoid his gaze.

"I am not an _idiot,_ supervisor." The whisper was iron-cutting. "And, contrary to what you may think, I am not insensible either. It's obvious you want to protect your sister, which is nothing astonishing, especially with your… History."

Komui's blood was liquid fire and he gathered all his self control to stop himself from hitting that man, who leaned back in his chair. That _bastard_.

"Well… You and she were separated early, not long after the death of your parents and later, you joined the Order to be with her, sir. This is all quite pretty and touching, but perhaps you should accept that you cannot keep her safe from everything just to compensate that you weren't there. And the fact you can't be at her side in the battles." He added, then gesturing dismissively. Komui closed his hands, nails against the palms. It served as an anchor, to stop himself from saying what he wanted. Despite his growing rage, the man briefly wondered why Levelier would be telling him this, since it couldn't be for sentimental reasons. Was he trying to soothe him in order to convince him to allow that interrogatory?

" _It's possible, after all, he wanted to submit Allen to the Inquisition"_

"Did you called me here to give me familiar advice, Inspector?" He couldn't contain the biting tone and Levelier surprised him with a smile. As always, it was the smile of someone who found out a delicious secret, the same he had given when telling about the Fourteenth, so long ago.

"I merely think that you overprotect her. And I wonder if you do this for her… Or yourself."

Komui kept his hands resting on his knees, outside of this man's sight and controlling his body to not let on any sign the other could notice. His teeth were pressed against each other as if meaning to break themselves, just to contain all the words he wanted to spit.

He knew this game. Levelier meant to disturb him so Komui would lose control of his own reactions and end up giving what he wanted. He had seen this happen before and refused to allow the other this particular win.

"I imagine some people may think that." He said without blinking. "It's easy to make suppositions based just in what we see and think." Before there could be an answer, he sighed and tilted his head a bit to behind. "It isn't as different as what you did regarding Allen, is it?"

The smile of Levelier didn't weaver, but the corners of his mouth were hard as if he had bitten something particularly unpleasant and his eyes, colder than never. Komui carried on, anxious to breath outside that room.

"I told you can talk to her when she feels better." Truth was, this conversation was completely useless. If the Inspector demanded to question Lenalee and the others, there wouldn't be much Komui would be able to do to stop him, since Levelier was directly connected to the Central, controlling more strings and having more influence and power than him.

To deny him what he wanted would merely result in the Central sending a direct command and those involved could even be punished for disobedience and disrespect towards a superior. So, it was better to just end that circus as sooner as possible.

" _You may not be an idiot and not be "insensible" as you say, Levelier… But this doesn't mean you're able to really comprehend other's feelings, you bastard."_

"Who decides if she is feeling better enough to answer your questions or not is Lenalee herself." He stood up, unable to bear much longer. Even the chair seemed to hot and hard. "I'll speak with her and send an answer later."

There was a moment and he thought Levelier would protest or even make use of his authority, but the man just studied him for a time before picking the reports once again.

"I want to talk to her and the others tomorrow. If _she_ is feeling _well enough."_ He repeated with a well-mannered tone, but Komui would have sworn he could feel curious traces among that sound. Would it be spite? Scorn? He didn't know.

Levelier sighed.

"Quite a pity you don't want some coffee, supervisor. Personally, this recipe I found is really fantastic."

**XxX**

Even without entering in personal details, Allen took quite a time telling the others about how things had been going in the war with the Noah. Samuel commented that they had never crossed paths with the Clan and they didn't even know if the Earl was aware of their existence. Allen thought that, considering how the Earl had said Akumas could be used as his eyes and members, then there was actually a good chance he did…

The idea didn't please anyone. Alison pointed out that even if the Earl did know, he probably didn't regard them as more than a fly, annoying and yet easily ignored, as his focus would be more in the expansion of his Akuma army and the Order. Even if she and the others did destroy Akumas in their travels, they were a far too small group to mean a threat.

They had all been in silence during Allen's tale and, at its end, they hadn't said anything for a while. They had all wondered from time to time at which feet was the situation in the Order. If things were as bad as the boy said, it was no surprise he had been this bothered with the idea of one more Innocence being destroyed.

Yes, this all made sense, but…

"The problem is still the same…" Alison said, pulling the brown strap of her quiver. Allen wondered if it was part of the Innocence or just a means to carry it. Then she gave voice to a point that had already passed by Allen's mind "Even if we do find this Innocence, what are we supposed to do with it?"

Allen would have liked to suggest finding a way to send it to the Order, but his brain couldn't come up with a method that would _guarantee_ the security of the Innocence. And besides, how could they be sure the Order wouldn't find a way to track them down in response?

" _Could it be that I'm getting paranoid?"_ He wondered, disturbed by his own feelings. A part of him _wanted_ to send that Innocence to the Order so much, as if this could be a way to get in touch with his home, or reminding (them or himself, he didn't know) that he belonged there, that he was still part of it, that he…

He shook his head to himself, he couldn't think about it now.

"Maybe we could just keep it with us…" He suggested instead. "It isn't as if there is much else we could do, but at least like this, it would be safe."

"I think he has a point." Lauren agreed, looking through the window of the hallway in the inn they were now sharing. In the horizon, she could see the line of the trees, looking like a small child's fingers trying to brush the sky. "And we should think one thing at the time, first we need to _find_ it."

Not that they hadn't done anything until now. After talking about what Allen had told them, Lauren had decided to help in this search. Alison and Samuel hadn't anything about it, giving Allen the idea that they wouldn't be opposite to it, while Elana had soon changed the subject, starting to talk about the city and suggesting that Allen and Raz stayed in the same inn they were.

So, after the small lunch, they had headed there to ask for a room. All the time, Raz was very quiet and though Allen recalled how, during her first days, she had said very little as well and wondered if this had roots in shyness or something else entirely.

They had left their backpacks in their new room and Allen had asked her if she was alright, to which the reply had been positive. When he had thought about insisting some more, Lauren had called them and proposed they tried to learn about those lights before returning to the forest, to which he and Raz had agreed.

To the surprise of the three of them, when they were in the street's corner, someone had called to them: Samuel, Alison and Elana.

"I thought you guys wouldn't come!" Lauren smiled. Allen would be lying if he said he hadn't been quite pleased to see they had decided to join them.

"I still don't think this is a good idea in any way" Alison had warned them, though her expression was soft. "On another hand…"

"Oh, c'mon, Ali! What is life without some danger?" Lauren had asked in pretended innocence.

"Yeah, sure, because our lives are so monotonous! Imagine, I don't even know what is like to take risks anymore!" Alison's answer couldn't have been more sarcastic, even if her eyes kept the smile. Samuel shook his head, reassuring Allen and Raz that they shouldn't mind the girls, it was when Lauren acted differently that they should worry, making the woman react with false indignation.

They had visited the local library in search for old newspapers and possible annotations that could have info about what was known as the "Lights of the Nocturnal Forest" before returning there. To everyone's relief, they hadn't met more akumas, but there wasn't anything abnormal either. The clearing where they had fought and met was drowning in silence, so much that even the wind in the leaves echoed and sounded louder than it had a right to. After what had happened, Allen wouldn't find it shocking if birds and even insects avoided that spot for a while.

Now, with the day dissolving away and making room to the night, they were back in the inn. With nothing different in the woods, Lauren stopped looking through the window.

"We keep the basic plan, then?"

"I think it's better…" Samuel said as he and Elana stopped by the door of the room they were sharing, wishing the others good night. Their agreement was that they would carry on their investigation during the day (this time seeking info about the people "missing" too, just in case there might be a connection of sorts) and would be back to the forest at the end of the afternoon, hoping the phenomena would happen again, as it was the only hint they could have as to the Innocence's location.

Alison and Lauren went to their own room as Allen and Raz did.

"Raz, are you alright?" Allen asked as he shut the door, receiving only a muttered "mm-hmm". He held back a sigh, wanting to insist, before considering it might be better to respect her space, perhaps give her some time, so he just picked some clean clothes and went to the small bathroom connected to the room, wishing for a shower (it was a luck, he thought, that the inn had rooms with personal bathrooms for such a low price).

The drops of hot water caressed his body pleasantly, bringing relaxation to the muscles and pushing the tension of the day out his system. Allen let himself just stand there with his head lowered, eyes closed as the water fell in his back and hair, welcoming the sensation and allowing himself to think about the events of the day.

He couldn't deny by now that finding that the group had been a good surprise. He wasn't considering whether or not he might try to stay with (if they allowed). It was true that today, when they had been investigating the Lights of the Forest, he had felt the aroma of nostalgia, unable to not think about all the times he, Lenalee, Kanda and the others had been seeking Innocences or in any other missions…

" _Stop… You know it's not the same… You can't just…"_

He sighed to himself. He was sure he wasn't, even in a subconscious level, trying to seek a way to replicate those days and his friends to soothe his own feelings, but he couldn't help thinking about the past either…

He just missed them so much…

This "case" might be alike those missions in several levels and at the same time, it was so different... In the warmth of his shower, his mind floated to the Order and he tried to imagine what Lenalee, Krory and the others would be doing that night… Maybe they were having dinner now, maybe they were in some mission… A sound escaped his throat when Allen wondered if Komui was building another one of those robots, the dry sound hurting his mouth. It was a mere ghost of a laugh, something striving to remember what a laugh even was and more connected to sorrow than happiness.

" _And what if they are thinking I joined the Noah?"_

His eyes snapped open.

No.

They couldn't be thinking this, Lenalee had seen him leaving _by himself,_ she would know he hadn't joined them. And the others would know he _wouldn't ever do so_ , right?

But his mind was again wrapped in a poison that seemed to have infiltrated the furrows of his brain, until reaching the deeper corners. In his attempt to get rid of that persistent feeling, make the poison sleep for a while more, Allen ended up thinking about the Noah.

Back in the other city, one of the akumas had called Raz "Lost Noah". Maybe the Earl… No, wait, for sure the Earl already knew she had woken up. And that she was with him… Allen could only imagine what his reaction had been. It could range from amusement to anger to anything else, really…

Well, no point worrying about this now, right? Back in the night he had used the Ark for the last time, Allen had already been aware that the Noah would chase him down… There was not a chance that they wouldn't be hunting Raz just as well… No… This was a poor term. If they did so, would be because she was part of the Clan.

Still, he wondered what the others would be thinking of this as well.

" _Has Road recovered already?"_ The question came to his mind suddenly as a hidden flower, along with the image of the Noah of Dreams fading away… It had seemed a lie at the moment, something that made no sense, not after she had told him that attacks against her were worthless and witnessing her level of resistance: Road had survived ripping herself apart with his Innocence, Lavi had stabbed her from inside her own "Dimension" and been burned her to the bones and yet, against all the odds, she still _lived_.

Tyki had explained how she probably needed some time to recover. Again, that bitter sound scratched his throat. It would be a real irony if, after so many fights and pain, a mere _punch_ ended up killing a Noah. As far as Allen knew, Kanda had been the only one who had killed one of them.

" _And how would_ Raz _feel about this?"_ He still had so much to tell her. Even today, for the first time, she had heard more details of that war and how the Noah had killed most of the Exorcists. Allen couldn't imagine what she had thought of all this, just like he couldn't imagine what she would feel if she knew that a member of her Clan was already dead…

The last drops fell over his hair with the gentleness of kisses when he closed the water and picked a towel.

Raz claimed she was fine. He couldn't help but to doubt it. Her silence aside, who would be "fine" in a situation like that?

Once he came out the bathroom, already dressed and his hair falling over his eyes, still humid, he saw her sitting in the floor near the window, reading a black book. He was surprised to see it was the Bible they had found inside the drawer of the little table between the beds, probably left there for religious guests.

"Raz?" He called, uncertain. The young girl raised her face to him, the gray-blue eyes as serene as a frozen lake. Moments of that day passed by his mind again. She was a Noah among people who used Innocences. They had talked about things she likely didn't fully understand yet…

Could it be she had felt… Left out?

He had spoken to her, asked for her opinion and so had the others, though they had probably taken her silence for shyness. That might be part of it, but it was not all there was to it.

" _She is a Noah…"_ He thought, without reason. Not even a regular human. And Raz herself was aware of this.

"What are you doing?"

Raz merely lowered the book, leaning it on her knees to show the pages scarred by words. Allen kneeled down at her side to examine it, seeing she had been reading about the Deluge and how God had told Noah to make an Ark.

"I was curious." She explained, looking back at the book, holding one of the pages as if testing the texture. "About how Exorcists are apostles of God…"

As Allen observed, Raz kept looking at the pages almost as if in search of something between the lines and shook her head slowly. The movement was suave, making her hair wave so thin it was.

"I don't _understand…"_ She sounded almost upset. "Why the clan…" She hesitated, making Allen wonder if she had been thinking about correcting herself and say " _my clan",_ but whatever it was, the girl decided to carry on. "Wants to destroy humanity if it says in here that the family of Noah was chosen by God… They were humans." Allen could tell that she wasn't even sure if she _believed_ what she had read or not, she had merely been seeking for something.

Allen opened his mouth, realizing he had no idea of what to say. He remembered when he had met Road for the first time and she had said Exorcists served a false God, how the _true_ God _wanted_ the destruction of mankind. He had only been able to yell that this was the Devil's desire, to which she had just said she didn't care as long as humans died.

" _We're always fighting them, we never stopped to ask or wonder…"_ It wasn't as if the Noah ever were in a "conversational" mood when they met, but the notion was there all the same. He hadn't even spared much thought to what Road had said that day. With his silence, Raz looked at him, hesitating before continuing.

"And I don't understand… _Faith_ " She closed the book, resting her back against the wall. "I don't know if I understand the belief in God."

Allen _knew_ that for _this_ there was no answer. Faith was unique to each person just as opinions and hearts were. Only the person could decide what they believed at the end of the day… There were aspects of it he could explain, but how to do it properly?

"I… I think you're the one who needs to find an answer for this, Raz…"

"And there is one?" The question was so serenely made that it was almost as if it didn't matter at all. Which was not what was happening inside her: Her body felt as if harboring a tempest. It wasn't just the fact that what she had read seemed to contradict the war between Exorcists and Noahs, but all the rest as well.

"Of course there is." Allen's tone was the same as hers as he positioned himself at her side. "And it is yours. You have to think well about it and decide what you believe in…" _His_ belief was that, for God, what mattered the most was what went through someone's heart rather than anything else. Raz still studied the black cover, one of her fingers tracing the "B" almost in caution.

Allen had the sensation his words had been far too simple in comparison to a question that was actually more complex than it seemed at first. But it was the best way of saying what he thought. Explaining faith was like explaining how it was to feel love or happiness, the person needed to experience it herself, just like each people had their own way of feeling emotions. He took a deep breath.

"Raz… Did something happen?"

Her eyes jumped to him as she was taken away from her thoughts.

"It's just… You've been quiet the whole day." He insisted, choosing his words carefully. "If there is something wrong, you can tell me…" Her silence this time worked as incentive for him to go on. "Look, I know this must be hard for you, so if you want to talk about it…"

Raz blinked. Truth was, during the day, the sensation she had had on the train had returned at intervals. Like being there with those people and, at the same time, not. A bodiless existence among things that had no more substance than she did…

As if she didn't _belong._

Allen, Samuel, Elana… They are the same, in a way, belonging to the same side of the chessboard. Following this line of thought, she was an _intruder_ who shouldn't even be near them. If she were a normal person, there wouldn't be a problem, but she was part of what they were supposed to fight against.

This hadn't only reinforced that sensation of _being_ made of mist as if had also made her a bit sick in the stomach. It didn't help that she had been assaulted time and time again by a growing annoyance, as if she had a needle in her very core. This she recognized, it was the bloodthirst she had felt before, when she had wanted to attack Allen.

But Raz found it complicated to translate those things into words properly, especially since she barely understood all of it herself. A spasm ran through her nerves, hidden and unnoticeable.

"I think this is all still too strange to me…"

The white-haired boy studied her for a while, not knowing how to talk to her in this situation before moving, as if getting more comfortable as Raz decided to approach another question that was also part of that ball of wire.

"I'm feeling useless, too…" She muttered, her expression growing more serious. Allen frowned, having a vague idea of what she meant. He waited until she sighed. "You told me the Noah have abilities… We saw I have… Whatever that was." She tried to avoid thinking about what had happened in the train. "Only that it didn't work for anything, not before and not today. I don't like that…"

Allen was quiet, an idea returning to his mind, stronger this time as he touched the lips with the end of his tongue, unsure if he should address it or not. Training with Raz could go from black to white, passing by thousand tones of gray, each one branching in pros and cons, risks and scenarios.

"Hey, don't be like that, okay? We'll find out…" He extended his hand and caressed her shoulder before looking to the Bible. "So, have you read any other passages or just about the Deluge?"


	7. Act Seven – Meeting of Light and Darkness

_"Beauty exists not in what is seen and remembered, but in what is felt and never forgotten" -_ Johnathan Jena _._

 

 

 

Levelier's office wasn't unknown to any of the presents. Since they had transferred the Headquarters, after the Level Four's attack during the Noah Lulubell's attempt of recovering the "Egg", it had been quite a while and, in the meantime, all of them had explored the new building and few were the rooms they hadn't been in.

Levelier's office wasn't part of the list.

The general design was similar to Komui's office in the old headquarters, which had been nearly duplicated here: Shelves filled with books as veins are with blood, a small couch and a large dark desk where, unlike Komui's, you wouldn't find a single thing out of place or a stain of coffee or crumbs. The air was marked by a light aroma, of sweetness and suavity. The only decoration was the curtains of the window, beyond which they could see the blue sky where white clouds rolled lazily.

Lenalee felt like vomiting just for being _there._

At her side, Krory held his head high, his face showing nothing but a severity that was more commonly found when his Innocence was activated, as he knew better than to openly express his displeasure towards the man in front. Miranda had her dark hair pulled in the ponytail that had become her usual style, hands together in front of her body, one holding another in a polite posture. Despite the gentleness of her expression, Lenalee thought her eyes seemed to be shivering.

She averted her eyes, taking slow and deep breaths, taking care so no one would notice it.

The younger girl didn't want to imagine how _she_ looked like. Just the vision of the superior acted as a poison spreading through her organism, injected in her eyes.

" _No, don't think like this, keep calm…"_

As Miranda had said when they were on their way, it would be best to get this over with as fast as they could and the better way would be by keeping their nerves under control. But it was easier said than done, Lenlalee reflected, when your dark thoughts acted as snakes hiding in the corners of your mind.

"Please, do take a seat." Levelier gestured to the couch and the chair in front of his desk with a delicate movement that Lenalee didn't think it suited him. He was tall, face with hard features as if carved in stone. As always, she had no idea of what was the truth that hid under his eyes. "Would you like something? Tea?"

Despite the shivering in her bones, Lenalee didn't move. She wouldn't be able to tell how much of it was due to self-control and how much was because it always had felt safer to not move, to not react, to stay still when he was around. It had always been like this. Krory remained just as quiet, his eyes just fixated on the man and Miranda refused his offer with all politeness, surprising Lenalee when managing to smile.

"Oh, no, thank you so much. It's fine." She said, surprised when her voice didn't shiver like her vocal chords seemed to be. Her interactions with Levelier had been few and far in between until now, but there was no need to know him too much to _imagine_ his intentions. And what he desired with them, it was just obvious.

"Very well." He agreed, the perfect gentleman. "As you wish" And he leaned his elbows in the table, crossing his fingers up to his chin, a gesture common of him, as he smiled at the three. "I imagine you do know the purpose of this… Reunion?"

Krory evaluated the question, choosing the words carefully, as if he was weaving a tapestry and the smallest mistake could ruin it all. It wasn't too far from the truth, actually: It wouldn't need much to increase Levelier's distrust.

"I think we have a good idea, yes…" He replied firmly. While he looked at the man, his mind didn't accept the image, focused in another thing to the point it was a surprise it wasn't affecting his vision, as a hallucination would.

" _Allen arrested. Allen in a dungeon. Allen saying goodbye to Lenalee."_ A mocking voice seemed to chant and though he hadn't _witnessed_ such scenes, imagination painted them with near perfection. He knew Allen well and could guess he had left not with tears, but with a smile, just so he wouldn't worry her friend. It was typical from him…

And the man with who they were being forced to talk in a respectful tone was responsible for that, for that web of events in which the lines crossed and mixed. Even if it was, perhaps, partially, it was enough to make Krory's blood burn. And, as a rat in a cage, there was nothing he could do. And _this_ was in turn the ice born under his bones, revealed when the fire had devoured them.

"I imagine you do." Levelier agreed with a nod and leaned his head to the side, never ceasing to smile even though it didn't reach his eyes. "So, could you be so kind as to tell me where do you think Allen Walker would have gone to?"

" _Gone_ to _?"_ Krory questioned, the tone acting as honey to hide the bite. That was rich to him, whose mind pulled a fine thread which held in the end shadow of a castle, of moonlit hallways smelling as antiques and flowers.

And that man _dared_ to…?

"Allen Walker has abandoned the Order…" Levelier went on, not seeing how Krory's teeth started to press against each other. Miranda took a breath, but didn't sigh, feeling the words that would follow. "The boy was sly, we can't open new gates in the Ark without him. And his golem has no tracker."

He looked at them.

"Do you understand what this means?"

None of them said anything. The use of the Ark was the least of their worries at the moment and besides, the Portals that had been _already_ created with fixated locations (made by _Allen_ to help the Order, they might add) could still be used anyway. It wasn't like that thing had become worthless.

And if it had, it didn't matter that much either… They knew of its importance, but their minds were unable to care as much as they perhaps should.

"However, we managed to find out that _all_ Portals were opened in the night he ran off, some were created to other places and then closed. We can't open those again. And it is _impossible_ to know which one he actually used. Allen Walker has disappeared in the world." He opened his hands, the long pianist-like fingers pointing to opposite directions. " _Poof."_

Krory had to bite back the wish to say they should just thank Allen for destroying only those new portals and leaving the old ones for the Order's use once he had no reason to. Miranda and Lenalee remained in silence. The three of them avoided exchanging looks at this information.

"I've sent several agents from the Central after him and until now, there hasn't been even a single information of his whereabouts. Not a single one." Levelier shook his head, his eyes holding the others in place. After a moment without answer, he muttered between teeth. "A person _doesn't just disappear_ in the world without leaving any sort of _track."_

" _Tell that to General Cross, why don't you?"_ The three thought, remembering how they had gone until Edo in search of Allen's Master, without allowing their minds to also drown in the hell of what had followed: The battles with the Noah in the Ark. But the thought, as the information, were sources of some relief: If Levelier had any hint (or even suspicion) about where Allen might be, he would certainly mention it now, whether trying to create a pressure to make them tell something or to see their reactions.

And after years travelling with Cross, it wouldn't be surprising that Allen might have learned some of his methods to hide (be it from the Order be from the people he owed money to).

It wasn't the same as saying Allen was safe and sound, but they would grab whatever they could…

"Therefore, I want to know if there is any special place where he might have run to. Assuming…" The man added, raising his head a bit more, arms now leaning in the armrest of his chair. His smile didn't change in shape, yet Lenalee felt a shiver down her spine. "That he has not joined the Noah yet."

"Allen would _never_ do this!" Krory growled before he could hold his tongue.

"Impossible." Miranda whispered.

" _Allen_ is an _Exorcist."_ The words escaped Lenalee's mouth. "He will always be."

Levelier didn't react at once before their denials, but rather kept observing them. There was a moment of silence in which none of the presents looked away.

"Your loyalty is, if nothing else, _touching_." Miranda didn't know if this was as much of a compliment as it might sound. In her city of birth, she had grown used to read alterations in other's expressions, where a second could last for eternity. And right there, there was an instant in which an emotion flashed in Levelier's gaze… A brief as a fish approaching surface just enough to create a wave and the light cross the water to touch its scales.

Was he being sarcastic or not?

"However, try seeing things from this point…" He suggested. "If Allen Walker didn't leave to join the Noah… Then, they will surely be chasing him. Wouldn't he be safer if he was here once more?"

" _What for? So you can throw him back in the dungeons?"_ Miranda reflected, aware that this was still in the extreme _good_ of the spectrum of what could happen should Allen be caught. And she wouldn't be surprised if the options on the opposite side of it were the ones to come true, either…

Suddenly, she felt heavy inside.

They all remained in silence, unsure of how to reply to the suggestion without saying something that Levelier (or any other member of the Order) could later interpret as a sign of betrayal. God knew that paranoia regarding traitors slithered in the shadows, now more than never. During the time since Allen's departure, the mutterings in which you could hear "traitor", among other offenses and curses, seemed to have increased greatly.

Levelier's silence was the kind hungry for an answer. There was no backing away.

"Allen has nowhere to go." Miranda ended up saying. The words had the taste of bitter truth being recognized, while also feeling the safest thing to say. In another occasion, she would have spared more thought to the paradox.

Levelier raised his eyebrows.

"He spent years traveling with Cross before coming to the Order. Certainly, during those years, they must have stopped at _some_ place that he may consider special or safe… Surely he must have talked about it with you?" He added gently.

Lenalee would have laughed if she could, as she very much doubted anything related to Cross would be quite considered so by Allen. At the mention of "special", she thought perhaps about the place where his adoptive father, Mana, would be buried… The place would undoubtedly count as "special", but not in the sense Levelier had in mind. And she wasn't sure Allen would even want to go there… Not that she even knew _where_ that was, Allen had never spoken much of Mana, much less the details of his death… And now that she thought about it, she had never tried asking much, either…

In the end, she didn't know more than the others: The man was a traveling pierrot who had taken Allen in and died when he was younger. The Earl had approached the boy with his offer of bringing Mana back and Allen had accepted. Once the skeleton had been possessed by Mana's soul, turning into his eternal cage, he had managed to keep control just long enough to cut Allen's face as he cursed him. This had made the Innocence react, activating itself for the first time, killing Mana in the process...

What had remained had been a scar in his face and a curse in his eye.

Lenaleee felt bothered, realizing it was too little to know about someone who must have been so special to Allen… But he never talked much about it himself…

" _He must have his reasons. It must be too painful, too. He doesn't have the obligation of telling us everything of his life…"_

"I can't think of anywhere…" She confirmed Miranda's words with a shrug, pretending her moments of silence had been spent searching in her memory for some useful information, hoping Levelier would believe it. Truth was, even if any of them knew of such place, they wouldn't tell him anyway.

The corners of Krory's mouth twisted, a bitter taste spreading to his body as words turned into ashes in his mouth. Special place? This had been the _Order_ , the first place Allen had been able to call home, the vampire knew this and all he wanted was to leave this room and Levelier's presence, but there was no way of doing it without his permission which the Inspector wouldn't give until he had said all he wanted, even if he couldn't receive the desired answers.

" _What do you really want?"_ The vampire wondered, studying Levelier's face. The man most likely had considered that none of them would say anything even if they did know. Had he insisted on questioning them just to confirm this?

"Even so, there must be." The superior decided with a shrug so fast that it could have been taken as a nervous tick. "I ask you to consider and think of any possibility and inform me."

His eyes dragged over each one slowly, spiders that left an acid trace behind.

"The longer Allen Walker is away, the higher are the chances of him being captured by the Noah" He waited some seconds before leaning to them with a whisper. "Or dominated by the Fourteenth. Assuming this hasn't happened already…"

He sat straight once more, never blinking.

"You're dismissed."

Despite the sweet aroma of the room, of tea and clean wood, Lenalee was only able to breathe when the door closed at her back. Miranda's muscles finally relaxed and Krory's shoulders dropped a bit as well.

"This is not over" The man commented, to them or himself, perhaps both. The iron had left his voice as well. "He is going to try talking to us again or…"

"But he must know we won't say anything..." Miranda replied. Lenalee didn't want to discuss it and decided to walk away. There were no missions assigned and she had a free time now after her daily training. Maybe she could just go back to her room, or maybe just pass by the kitchen for some coffee, anything, as long as she was left alone.

"Lenalee…" Miranda whispered gently, but Lenalee didn't turn. She didn't mean to hurt Miranda or Krory's feelings or to be rude by doing so, but she just couldn't stay there and partake in a conversation, not right at the moment, nor could she bear to listen to one. If anything, she didn't want to think about anything related to those events. Not yet, at least.

During the week following… Following _what had happened_ , and for quite some days more, when she would wake up, for brief seconds in which the remains of sleep and dreams still blurred her mind, Lenalee almost forgot those events, since the attack of the Noah to the imprisonment of Allen and his leaving… No, this was not a good term. Disappearing, then? It hurt less to think of it as such…

But not much.

" _Like Lavi…"_ A dark corner of her mind whispered, making her eyes close as her teeth went for the lower lip as if pain was the only anchor left to stop her from drowning in those thoughts.

It wasn't fair.

It just wasn't fair.

Behind her, Miranda sighed and turned her eyes to Krory who just shook his head slowly. Both would have liked to have something to say, but the words that floated between them were useless. Lenalee wasn't fine, none of them were. There was a plethora of words available, yes, the old clichés that one could hold to in situations of tension, of course, but what use were them at the end of the day?

Many words, indeed.

All empty and useless.

"I think all we can now is to wish for him to be safe…" Miranda whispered just to break the silence, shaking her head, the dark hair following the movement, a waving veil of silk. "Oh, what am I saying? This doesn't help in anything…"

Nothing did. She felt a bitter taste behind her eyes, as if they were about to be burned.

She had long been praying to God for Allen's protection and though peace _could_ be found in those moments and knew she could not demand answers, the shadows of the human mind are set free at night when one cannot sleep and she had wondered if God would hear her prayers at all, if they would do any good… In those occasions, despite her faith, her prayers felt too weak to be of true value.

" _No, I can't think like this. God_ always _hears our prayers, even if we don't realize it..."_ Ever since she was a young girl, Miranda had found a sanctuary in religion and though she had lost the love or confidence in herself in the past, her trust in God never had faltered. " _It is easy to say we have faith when things are alright…"_

"No…" Krory said in the same tone, aware of what she meant. "It doesn't do anything. But I believe Allen would be happy to know it…" One might say there was no help in this idea either, but Krory considered this better than nothing. He couldn't avoid the weight that came to him at this, not needing it to take form to understand its roots. "It is not enough either, I know…"

His tone became quieter at each word, as he started thinking again about something that had been in his mind since days ago, something that was still between an idea and a decision that he didn't dare to turn into words, as if the process would weaken it.

"We have to trust him…" He chose to say instead. "Like he always trusted us…"

That was all left for them to do by now. Trust Allen.

Miranda kept her gaze lowered as they walked side by side through the hallways. The people who passed by them could very well be ghosts to their senses.

"And how did we return this?" Miranda asked in such a low voice that Krory could only hear her due to his senses being above normal. And in her words were the meaning of the bitter taste that assaulted him from time to time.

To this, he had no answer and a mute comprehension formed between them.

Both doubted that other members of the Order would understand, especially those who didn't know Allen as they did, but the truth was that Allen Walker had been their first friend…

It had been Allen who had given Krory a reason to stay alive after Eliade's death, something for him to hold on to as he recovered from having killed the first person whom he had truly known, the first person he had talked to besides his grandfather, who had always seen him as nothing more than an object. At _her_ side, the hallways in the castle weren't so suffocating and the pieces of his grandfather's collection weren't mirrors reflecting how he was no more than them, just another a "piece", not truly alive and with nowhere to go besides that cage.

Eliade had been the first person in all those long years to regard him as "someone", calling him by his name (something his own grandfather had never done), offering him a gentleness he had never thought that existed…

And, akuma or not, he had loved her.

And, akuma or not, he had killed her.

Back then, the world had been rendered a useless stain around him. Blurred, meaningless. And yet, it had been Allen who had immediately gave him some reason to continue, giving him a hand to save him from drowning. Later, with time, this reason had been strengthened by others, but Krory would never have found them, if it hadn't been for Allen being there when the song of suicide had been even more alluring than before.

And hadn't he realized, in his fight with Jasdero and Devit in the Ark, that one of his reasons to stay alive was to protect his friends?

Miranda couldn't remember ever feeling like she belonged somewhere, even as a child... The feelings of her home had slowly dissolved over time with her parents' growing frustration at a daughter who seemed to be born to fail at everything. She might not be restrained in the way Krory had been, but it didn't matter. The isolation was similar enough. She could be free to walk the streets of her city, but she was just as alone… Always alone. The despise of others was just another sort of cage with no means of escaping. Every attempt would just give birth to new failures, increasing the cold, red wounds.

Her persistence at trying again and again couldn't change that fact: She was _alone._ The ones she had believed to be her friends would always end up mocking her, growing bored of her presence and finally, they would carry on with their lives and leave her behind. Her parents had given up on her… And in the end, she had been left with no one at her side to hear her or smile at her or offer her a word that had, in its sound, anything close to affection...

More than her flaws, more than her mistakes and failures, it was that absolute loneliness that left her helpless to fight the ice that wrapped her day after day after day. Oh yes, the sun could shine all it wanted and still didn't touch her. The people around her were real and at the same time, made of mist because she couldn't reach out to them.

Alone…

Useless Miranda, right? Useless, couldn't do a thing right, didn't she ever get tired of never doing anything for anyone? Couldn't she see how she annoyed everyone just by being there and why she had to be like that, useless, useless Miranda…

Allen and Lenalee had been the first people to _try_ helping her… She had almost forgot how gentleness sounded until they talked to her and then, for the first time, someone had _thanked her._ Someone was _grateful._ She had been _able to help someone_ and they were _happy_ that she was _alive_. It had been the notion that those people would be with her in the Black Order that had given her courage to leave behind the city she had known all her life and throw herself in that new life, with the hope of still being able to do something good while being at the side of her _friends…_

They gazed at each other. Those were memories that needed not to be translated into words, not with the comprehension that passed between them in an invisible thread. Both knew that such reasons could be interpreted as sentimental exaggerations and nonsense, especially by those who had never been at the other end of a similar situation.

Allen Walker had been someone who had saved them from this.

Allen Walker had helped them.

Their _friend._

And how they had repaid that?

"I feel disgusting…" Miranda whispered, another bitter echo running through her body again. And even with her mind running through a maze of conjectures, she couldn't find any idea of what they could do now.

What had they done?

"They will send us out in missions soon enough…" Krory replied, still feeling the impotence he had felt back in Levelier's office. Now, even with the anger having left him, it was no better. In its place, there was a hollow feeling to which he had no name.

They exchanged looks.

And nodded in a silent promise.

They would do whatever they could during their missions to try and find Allen. And if they did, then they would try to help in any way they could.

It didn't matter what they would have to do, they just wouldn't repeat the same mistake…

If they ever saw him again, that was.

" _Touching loyalty indeed…"_ Miranda thought to herself.

**XxX**

"In the end, we left town that afternoon," Elana was telling them as they walked down a street. "It was a pity, the job was paying well and we would have liked to stay some weeks more. At least, I would."

Upon waking up, they had had a quickly breakfast during which they had attempt to talk about amenities, words still fragile as they tried to seek a subject that felt safe for all of them until, somehow, they found themselves talking about their own travels and Elana had been telling about one occasion they had needed to run away from a city after getting a glimpse of two Finders.

Before, Allen would have hesitated to agree with this action. Today, he considered it sensible.

"I usually get money on card games." He commented almost absently. Elana and the others had the routine of spending some time in a town only if they managed to get a job, otherwise they were always on the move. There were places where finding a temporary work was easier than in others, due to some establishments not minding to employ travelers for just some weeks. According to Lauren, places that attracted many tourists or were in certain popular routes, were usually the best. The girl had wondered whether they should seek work, in case their investigation lasted for a while and asked for Allen and Raz's opinion.

"I don't know…" Allen muttered feeling at loss about what to say, even if he had been mentally revising scenarios of what he would have to do from now on ever since he had had to run away. Staying and investigating was a tempting option, but this more due to the traits of nostalgia and of a safer past. He could no longer think in those patterns, he couldn't forget that he was being _hunted._ "I don't think it's a good idea…"

He turned to Raz, who just exchanged glances with him for a second before lowering her eyes. Allen was already thinking this was a sign that she wouldn't get involved.

"Maybe you… Should try to find this… This Innocence, just one more time." She tried, without any intonation. "By now, more people are talking about monsters… And the lights. They will end up sending someone soon."

They knew she meant not only the Order but the Noah as well.

"I agree with Raz." Alison said, her panther-like green eyes seemingly evaluating the street ahead when actually turned _to_ inside herself and the options available. It was not the group's policy to investigate those matters anymore and it had been years since she (or any of them) had found themselves in this position. Just like Allen, this agitated memories. "Those akumas we found were too strong…" And if anyone asked her, the girl wasn't sure how they would fare if the Earl sent even stronger akumas, as he likely would.

It far simpler when they just traveled without a route, destroying akumas when they could find them. Now Alison felt being pulled back to a web which threads started to feel more complex than before. Last night, she and Lauren had talked for a while about it before going to bed. They both agreed that Allen and Raz didn't give the impression to be bad people, nor did they seem to be lying… Yet, Alison knew better than to trust merely impressions, just like anyone else of the group and was more alert than usual for anyone who appeared to be watching them. And in the event of those two being truthful, there was still the information the boy had given to be considered, which had been quite terrifying news… As it used to happen when that was the matter at hand, Alison had spent a long time separating the several lines that made the yarn of emotions she had towards… Well, all of it.

Her situation, and of the others, was a constant dance on thin ice and it would take one misstep to shatter it all and throw them in the darkness.

" _Because this is what the Order would do, no doubt."_ She had reflected when turning in her bed, weariness finally approaching her body to grant it sleep. They would be far more valuable alive due to their Innocence of course, however, considering they had run away…

Some people would believe it was better to kill a worthless dog than to try taming it again.

"Okay, then…" Lauren nodded, raising her hands as someone showing they were unarmed. "Just this time more. If we're lucky, this very night, okay?" The nights when the lights appeared were becoming far more frequent (gathering from what they had heard), and it was an accepted fact that it would be easier to find the Innocence during it and they might not have to worry about stumbling across normal people. It was the only good thing regarding the rumors of the "monsters" and "bears" and the "disappearances", if Lauren was inquired about it: No one seemed to have the courage to go to the forest anymore, regardless of the temptation of seeing that beauty up close.

It didn't mean they would spend the day without doing anything, of course.

The doors of the church standing in front of them were simple, of carved wood with two large metal knockers. The construction was of grey stone that brought out the colored glass of the windows, arranged to display images of angels or saints. The small garden in front (if it could be called that) was well kept, no more than a green little field with occasional shrubs of flowers and a rosebush, cut by a path of stone connecting the doors to the iron gates.

Elana observed it for a moment, enjoying the usual peace that would come to her when so close to places of worship of religion and thought the building was beautiful exactly because of its simplicity. She knew her appreciation was probably influenced by her belief, not that she cared.

The interior was just as simple, with the benches of dark wood placed one after the other in two lines ending in front of an altar. The sunlight brought in the colors of the windows as ghostly veils, which reflected on the floor of concrete. The silence around was that of a gentle mantle and Allen saw three or four people sitting or kneeling down, involved in their own prayers.

"Do you think they are here?" Alison asked in a whisper, eyes going from a corner to the other. There was a door next to the altar and a passage in the left side that seemed to lead towards a small hallway with a few doors.

"The inn's owner said they should be." There was some doubt in Allen's voice. "At least one of them."

During their brief interrogations throughout town, two people had commented about the priests of that church: The librarian and a boy working selling newspaper. They had been mentioned during the conversation because one of them had studied medicine and both had, some weeks ago, helped in the investigations when the rumors of monsters and demons had started, accentuated by the missing people.

The newspaper' boy had leant to them, muttering about a corpse that had been reduced to black ashes, something few people would talk about it. And he swore _he_ would deny it, if someone else asked him.

"People are too scared to talk about it." He had told them as he tried to display a bravery he clearly didn't feel. Allen had already seen attempts of this nature in too many people to be blind to the signs. The local police by now had also probably forbid people to go to the forest, but the boy doubted that might have worked on someone who was more curious and reckless.

One more reason why it would be better to finish it all as soon as possible.

Yet, if nothing happened this night, they would have no choice but to _leave_.

Despite trying to be logical, the idea still bothered him.

"I think there might be someone in there." Samuel indicated the hallway with a nod. "If they are not here, maybe we can find someone who helps the church. They may know. I'll take a look". And with that, he walked away, knocking in the first door at the right. The others couldn't fully see, but a person must have answered, as Samuel leaned closer as if whispering.

"I'm still not sure why we need to talk to them…" Lauren muttered with a shrug. "Even if it might not be that risked, we already know what is going on anyway." While there was no risk in attending the Masses, they usually avoided actual contact with priests due to the Order's connection with the Vatican. After learning the priests of that church might have some info, they had discussed about whether or not talk to them and decided to rely on the fact that there were some small churches which weren't in contact with the Order and probably didn't even know about the existence of Akumas or Innocences. Allen remembered the Gates he had opened for the Organization and that particular city was not part of the list.

He could only hope they weren't making a mistake.

"I don't think it would be a bad idea to try gathering as much information as we can about when or why those lights started…" Elana told her calmly, as they might have at least some idea of _where exactly_ in the forest the Innocence could be. There was probably also myth regarding the lights as well… Elana wouldn't deny she would like to hear it, only more for the sake of her own curiosity than anything else, as she knew there were low chances of it being of any actual help.

This got her thinking about the phenomena that the Innocence causes. Each one was always unique, which wasn't a surprise when you thought about it. Unbeknown to her Allen was thinking about the same thing and his first mission for the Order.

The city of Matel… That doll, Lala…

Kanda.

His mind, by instinct, cut the line of thought so brusquely that he could almost hear the sound of a branch being broken against a knee inside his skull.

"It is always a good idea to know everything we can." He joined Elana, just to say something and shrugged. "Who knows, if they helped investigate, even if just a while, perhaps they know which way we should follow…" His eyes went to Raz, however the Noah remained lost in her own silence, as if observing the church without actually seeing anything.

"Hey" Samuel was back, he pointed behind him with his thumb. A redhaired woman was waiting in the hallway and presented a sweet smile when the others followed Samuel's gesture. "That woman told me that Father Jon and Father Mana should be upstairs. She will take us to see them."

A taste of ashes reached Allen's mouth and whatever he might have said lost its meaning. It didn't last more than a second, but it felt more for him. He knew what Samuel had said didn't harbor any significance. "Mana", while an uncommon name, wasn't so rare that no one else would have it… But he couldn't help the memories it carries for him, of a gentle face and laughter, as hearing the name of someone we know often does even if it's a completely different person. Those sensations came from so deep inside it felt like unburying memories that weren't truly his and, exactly because of that, Allen held on to them.

Because they _were_ his memories. That was _his_ life.

"Raz?" Alison called. While the group walked towards the hallway, the girl remained where she was, face a pale mask that didn't betray anything of what might be going on inside her even when she turned to Alison.

"I just need to sit for a while. I'll wait for you here." And she walked between the two lines of benches before taking a seat at the third closest to the altar. Elana observed her for a second, before apparently deciding to give the other her space while Samuel leaned to Allen.

"Allen… I mean not to pry, but is she alright?" She seemed to be, if only the type to keep things to herself, but when one took in account their situation it might easily be more than that.

The white-haired boy realized that there was no reliable answer for that. It was a question with many ramifications and meanings, when it should have been simple… Damn, he wouldn't have known what to say if Samuel had asked if _he_ was alright… Nevertheless, Allen considered the answer would be negative in both accounts.

"She has been through a lot…" It wasn't quite a lie and it would be better to keep things simple. "She needs some time."

Allen thought that before such an answer, Samuel might insist but the man merely nodded and said no more. Alison gazed back at Raz with an unidentifiable expression.

"I hope she will be okay, then" Lauren muttered. "Look, if you guys need to talk to someone, we're here, okay?" She suggested calmly. She didn't expect the girl or Allen to actually tell them anything just like she wasn't about to, but there was sincerity in her words as there was much that could have happened to them, just as it had happened to her, Alison and the others.

With this, her mind went to the Order. After escaping, she would think about it often until the habit of pushing it to the corner of her brain would diminish the occasions while turning it into more a ghost of sensations rather than actual thoughts. She had never forgotten the places, nor the faces of those she had trusted so much… It still haunted her… The girl had long ago accepted the fact that it would be like this forever. Finding Elana, Samuel and Alison had helped her: It wasn't that things got any easier, but it was less complex and painful when you were not alone, especially if the others could really _comprehend_ you.

**XxX**

There was something alike comfort in the silence.

Raz wouldn't have the words to explain, even to herself. It wasn't an _empty_ silence alike that of an empty street like she had experience before, nor was it something that weighted around threatening to crush her body. Rather, it was something that wrapped around her without violence…

It was pleasant.

Her eyes wandered around without her moving her head, taking in the details as lines in a complex tapestry. There were spaces between the windows and, at a point before the altar, the walls in the sides made each a large half-circle. In one, there was a tall statue of a man holding a baby and some flowers. In the other, a woman in a tunic with hair falling over her shoulders.

Just like the people represented in the stained windows, Raz had no idea of who they were, but taking in account the passages of the Bible she had read last night (with Allen's help when she came across words she didn't understand), the Noah half-guessed that they should be Joseph and Mary, just as she guessed the windows to be representing saints or passages she hadn't read yet.

It made no difference.

Before the statue of Mary, there was a man who shouldn't be older than Elana, kneeling in the steps, praying.

It was the first church she ever stepped in and once again, she found herself wondering about the matter of religion and faith… Allen believed it, but she wasn't so sure. Her gaze went to the main altar. The white stone table was covered by a cloth of sorts, with nothing on it except for two candlesticks and what seemed to be a base to place an open book.

Behind the table there was a longer, ornated one (though "table" didn't seem the best description). It resembled more a wall of sorts with a small door in the center. She had no idea of what was being kept in there.

Above it all, there was a cross.

Raz studied the face of Jesus Christ, her mind empty of any thought.

The crown of thorns was pressed against the brown hair, piercing the head. Blood flew from the wounds, drops falling over his face painted in such way that Raz thought they would look fresh in the candlelight.

His hands bleed as well, stuck to the wood by a nail. In the body's side, a red crack. His head was dropped to his chest, too weary, too hurt.

Jesus' eyes were half open.

With the cross in the wall like that, it was almost as if he was seeing the people entering the church.

From somewhere inside her, Raz reflected the statue was well detailed… From the way the blood slithered to the expression, whoever had made it had clearly put a lot of effort… The same way she supposed a painter would spend hours converting his feelings and visions into brushstrokes as he tried to get the exact hue of the colors…

But paintings didn't need to represent reality, just like that statue didn't need to represent the truth… Right? Or could it be that this man represented before her had truly existed? And if he had, had he truly been the son of God?

Even today, so many people believed it to be true…

But this _wasn't_ reason enough to convince her.

Was there _someone_ , somewhere beyond the Universe, who had created everything?

She blinked, ignoring the wave of discomfort that washed her blood… Jesus's mouth was half opened in a last sigh or a labored breathing. Though there was a distinct pain in his features, the sculptor had also marked that face with an expression Raz couldn't _understand._ It was almost _serene_. But who, in that position, with nails crossing flesh, a crown of thorns in his head, would have such expression?

Impossible.

Allen wasn't the only one that believed it, right? The people who were here now. There were thousands of others who did, too, Allen had told her that. But it didn't move her, as Raz's uncertainty was slowly falling into the realm of disbelief. How could everything she had read about God be possible? And even if she tried to approach it from the point of view that it _was,_ there were still questions and the lack of answers threw her mind back to the starting point. A race in circles that made no sense to her…

"Beautiful, isn't it?" A voice at her side asked. She glanced sideways without movie her head, finding a tall man, whose dark eyes studied the cross for more seconds before turning to her, a smiling gracing the unknown face.

"I believe I never saw you here before, miss?"

"Just passing through the town…" She replied evaluating the man for the smallest sign of hostility. His hair was of a deep red, almost the color of blood, falling in waves over his shoulders with a beginning of baldness above his forehead. The long tunic he wore was white and she noticed a black collar underneath.

The man nodded and Raz' looked back at the cross.

"It has been here a long time." He continued seeing her gaze. "Since before I was born."

The girl didn't feel any wish to engage in conversation with someone she didn't know, especially about such subjects. She would rather be left in peace…

"I don't believe much in this. God and Jesus, I mean." She added, before he misinterpreted her words. To her surprise, the man laughed. A low sound, to not bother the others, but deep and almost melodic. She hadn't quite expected this reaction.

"Well, this is confusing. How can you _not_ believe " _much_ "? You either believe it or you don't."

Raz evaluated him again, debating whether or not to carry on the conversation. His words had a playful enough tone and the black eyes held no malice or despise. The girl shrugged and even though the phrase " _Then I don't believe_ " was on her mouth, she picked another route that was closer to truth, as there was no reason to lie about it.

"I never thought much about it. Only recently…" While her tone was kept polite, there were veins among her words that made it clear to which point her thoughts were leaning to.

The priest (for there were no doubts of who he was) nodded in understanding and placed his hand in the back of the bench, in a way of requesting permission. Raz stayed still for a moment before nodding.

"What is your name, young one?" He asked never averting his gaze.

"Raz."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Raz. I'm Father Mana." He offered his hand for a shake before leaning his arms on his legs. Now that he was closer, Raz could see wrinkles in formation at the corner of his eyes and wondered how old he was. "Well, you know, many people wonder about faith and beliefs, whether they have never thought about it or have believed in their religion for all their lives."

She tilted her head, almost frowning. She hadn't thought that people who had faith wondered about it… And this brought back a question she had had last night. Moments ago, Raz wouldn't have cared about continuing the conversation, but it occurred to her that perhaps, since this man was a priest and so involved in those subjects, he might have some answers or something that would help her understand even if just a little more.

"Why do you believe?"

He wondered briefly if by this that girl meant him alone or everyone who believed and chuckled to himself.

"You talk as if everyone shares the same motive." Looking at the altar, his eyes were warm with an emotion Raz didn't know how to name. "Once, a friend of mine said he had asked this to others and the answer that bothered him more was that they just believed or knew it to be true."

Raz could understand that person. This answer sounded so empty of meaning that it became useless. It didn't clarify matters at all. She waited, interested in what that priest had to say. Maybe, with that conversation, she would be able to reflect about it better… And perhaps decide where she stood.

"However, this question may sound simple, but the truth is that when you believe, there are so many personal reasons as to why that the deepest one seems to be that, your feelings regarding God."

"Faith…" She muttered, to which he nodded.

"Not only that" He raised his hand in a gesture that he would be back to that point later. "Who can explain feelings with just reason? Well, since Vincent, that friend of mine, wanted a more elaborated answer, I tried to explain one of _my_ reasons."

She remained quiet.

"Raz… To me, when it comes down to God, you just have to look at the world." The man smiled, as if he was talking about the dearest of his friends. "The balance between day and night. How a seed grows into a tree, feeding from the earth and light. The way how living being's bodies work. _Nature_ is, if you ask me, a proof of divine's existence. Everything is _too balanced_ to be a mere coincidence. That's what I think."

Even if she didn't know details of what he was talking about and had no academic knowledge, Allen had told her a few things regarding what Father Mana was saying, so Raz had a reply to this.

"Those things took ages and ages to develop and reach this point of today…" She said carefully, as to not offend his own reasons, but also to express she wasn't sure this worked for her as it did for him. He didn't seem at all bothered.

"Of course, but can you say it's all coincidence? From what I see, God created and uses Nature to work His wonders. There is so much diversity, so many different shapes of life and _everything_ is in balance? No, I can't see this as mere chance."

Raz thought about it. Well, it wasn't as if she had spent _days and days_ thinking about the simple fact that something like _life itself_ existed or the variety of it (not just fauna and flora, but also how each being was always, always unique even after so many ages now that she indeed thought about it), but the idea that the Universe, in its grandiosity, had just _happened_ didn't stay firm in her mind… If it was all chaotic, maybe life couldn't even be.

So, yes, there was balance, okay.

Even so, the girl wasn't sure this was reason enough to believe in a superior and all-creating existence.

"What about faith?" She asked, returning to the previous point. Maybe one could say this was the belief in God, but had already learned there were things that couldn't simply be translated into words. Maybe that was a similar case? Maybe explaining faith would be like… Like trying to explain colors to a blind person?

Father Mana observed her, his soft smile never faltering. It was strange, but the more he spoke, the less uncomfortable she was. He was silent for a moment.

"Well, see it like this. When you love a friend, and he loves you back, I mean _actually_ loves you back, don't you feel it? Through their gestures and words?" He took her silence as either an affirmation or an incentive to carry on. "It is the same. That's why my friend heard people saying they _felt_ God's existence."

Raz understood he was justifying that type of answer, nothing more. His words floated inside of her while she wasn't sure she would ever find meaning for them.

" _But you do care for Allen, don't you? You've chosen to follow him…"_

She looked ahead again, to the crucified Jesus. The supposed Son of God who had sacrificed himself for the sake of humanity…

"I still don't know if I understand it… Or believe it." The words escaped her as animals trying to leave the cage. She wondered if the man would grow tired of this and leave, but he remained there. His leaned closer and seemed about to hold her hand when Raz flinched. It was a fast, almost a tick, but he understood and kept his original position and distance.

"Raz… In the end, _no one_ can decide for you." He hesitated before adding. "But we're having this conversation, so let me tell you something that think… You can't _demand_ evidences or _want_ to believe _only_ _if_ something good happens because you asked for it. This is not how faith works."

He stood up, leaning his hands in his knees and groaning a little, one of his legs shuddering with a light spasm under the weight of his body that made a wave of disturb pass by his face for a second before he firmed himself.

"This may sound as a paradox, I know, but I think the absence of what people call _undeniable evidence_ is also a proof." Seeing her titling her head to the side, in a way that was clearly of confusion, he completed. "He gives us free will _always,_ including the freedom of deciding to not believe. He gave us knowledge about Him, sent His son and you still can refuse to believe if you want to. Me, I find my evidences with my faith."

Raz opened her mouth, but she couldn't think about what to say, so she closed it again. Father Mana smiled in understanding.

"I do hope I have not bothered you..." He said, though _she_ had been the one who had first asked. "As I said, you're the only one who can decide." He smiled and bid her goodbye, leaving the girl with the shadows that slithered inside her.

Raz rested her back against the bench, looking at her hands before looking up to the painted eyes of Jesus. Father Mana's words had not bothered her, even if they had agitated her doubts without doing much to dissolve them.

He had said it was her decision. Perhaps she should try to think about it not with her mind, but her heart and without any "previous" half-formed opinion…?

In the end, truth was, she _had no idea of what decide._

And if this was a choice based in emotions, then she was lost.

All she felt was a vast emptiness that still haunted her along with the lack of memories… And the sensation of an absolute _inexistence_ … How could she know what to believe in when there were moments when Raz didn't know if she believed even in _herself_?

**XxX**

"Then I went and dropped everything over that official…" Lauren carried on, her shoulders shivering with a nervous laugh that she tried to hold as she scratched the back of her head, her face blushing by the memory. "It was a hell of silence, everyone just _stared_ …"

"I thought the manager would _kill_ you." Alison recalled, disguising her words with seriousness. The effect was ruined by her smile. Apparently, it was one of those situations that ended up turning strangely funny after a while.

"And that's because Lauren had made up a tearful story just to convince the man to employ them…" Elana commented in an aside-like way to Allen and Raz, who were hearing the girl tell about a job she and Alison had gotten in another town as waitresses, as they used to stay for longer than usual when their savings started to get too low or the city seemed peaceful enough.

"Didn't he fire you guys right there?" Allen asked, unable to see any other way this could have ended. The manager of the restaurant, following Lauren's tale, had accepted them not only during a possible pity (which Alison and Samuel doubted), but also because the city used to get more tourists during summer and he had been in need of extra help, with almost no other option than the two of them.

"Well, first he apologized to the deputy, even more than Lauren did…" Alison interjected. "But as soon as our shifts were over, he told us he didn't want to see us ever again, not even as clients."

"I remember there were a few times when we crossed paths on the street." Lauren looked to the sky with a false expression of innocence. "Every time he saw me, I thought he was about to commit a homicide."

Allen held a laugh, remembering some bar's managers (and other people) who had casted him the same look due to the debts of his Master. Even in the occasions he managed to pay it off, they were still angry that they hadn't been able to deal with Cross himself.

Before they had returned to the forest, they had wandered around town a little more and when they had stopped to eat, Allen had noticed a group playing cards and had seized the chance of earning some cash, keeping in mind he and Raz would need every penny they could earn. While the Noah girl seemed to have grown used to his "luck" already, the others had been surprised. At some point, their conversation had taken its own path to what they used to do to support themselves.

Allen looked up to the night sky, beyond the cover of leaves that waved in the breeze. Stars speckled the blue-almost-black, drops of silver that had fallen over a sheet.

Father Jon had told them that the lights seemed to appear first at west, in the depths of the woods. That was the direction they had been walking to ever since sunset and now, the aromas of the night danced in the air as if the whole forest was a flower, blooming under the moon.

Lauren shrugged and Elana commented about that town's summer festival, which made Raz ask if they had stayed there time enough to attend. Allen couldn't forget of when Samuel had inquired if Raz was alright and though it hard to be sure, he couldn't avoid a sensation that…

"I'm impressed that you can manage yourself just by playing cards." Samuel's words broke his line of thought as he smiled, walking without making a sound despite the grass and leaves.

"It was, in part, thanks to Master." He couldn't avoid the answer or the lightness that came to his voice before he realized it. It was a surprise, as he still didn't want to talk about himself, even if it was something with apparently no major consequences, even if Samuel's claim of knowing Cross was true.

He stayed quiet for a while, listening to the sound of their steps over fallen leaves and the whispered words of the others, without truly hearing the words. His own steps started to slow down. Before he realized the question being born in his throat, he was already speaking.

"Do you really believe that Master Cross is alive?"

He stared at Samuel. If it wasn't for the moonlight, the man would have blended with the shadows perfectly. In his turn, the man gazed back at Allen, his eyes a starless night.

"Without a doubt." He answered quietly. "Believe me, Allen, if they didn't find his corpse or Maria's grave, the chances that Cross is alive are _very_ high."

Maybe it was the seriousness he displayed or the confidence marking deep voice, whichever it was, a seed of doubt came to Allen regarding his Master's demise. He knew of the man's skills, especially when it came down to disappearing without a trace… The vision of Apocryphos attacking him filled Allen's mind, so intensely that it could have manifested itself in front of his eyes as a hallucination, but the memory of Cross fighting Tyki Mikk in the Ark now weakened it.

Maybe…

_Just maybe…_

"Maybe I'll end up believing it when another debt he made in my name appears…" He said without realizing, a sound that could be a laugh escaping his throat. Samuel nodded in agreement with an expression so solemn that Allen didn't resist. "Did he ever do this to you too?"

He wouldn't be surprised, Cross had even borrowed money from Krory and left debts in the name of those Noah twins.

The black man smiled almost like a teenager and gave him a wink.

"Oh, he _tried._ Just once."

"What did you _do?"_ The idea that Master had done this to Samuel only _once_ was sort of shocking considering the man and Allen doubted the reason had been sentimental, which was confirmed by Samuel rolling his eyes with a false innocence.

"Oh, I merely warned him that, should he do it ever again, I would spread certain stories I know to every brothel of every city I passed by."

Allen couldn't stop himself and laughed.

The thoughts about his master started to pull others, like a chain. The time Cross had told of him being the host of the Fourteenth… Another thought started to be formed, but before it left the swamp of his subconscious enough to be recognized, the foliage around them started to become lighter in colors. The trees seemed to reflect the moonlight more intensely, their barks leaving behind the dark hues to dress in a ghostly veil that became greenish.

"It started…" Lauren said in a thin voice as Alison looked around, wonder filling her eyes as the lights started to play in her grey hair. For a moment, no one could say anything as the lights around become stronger, bringing the forest to life.

"It seems to be coming from that direction…" Allen pointed a path among trees where the light was brighter and walked faster, before the colors spread too much and they missed the point from which they seemed to come in waves.

The leaves swayed in a lake, trunks seemed to pulsate when the people approached. The aqua-green hue was a living thing floating in the air, slowly turning blueish, a change so soft as the blooming of a flower that you could only notice when the color had already changed completely.

And even now, shell-pink lines slithered in the blue and aqua. Some trees around were already mirrors of light. And the air close to them felt as warm as an embrace. Whatever that light was, it was alive and it was hugging the forest and the group as well, covering them as a mother would to a child during bedtime.

" _Is this what the Innocence is doing?"_ Raz wondered, lost in the sight. At each step, she felt a warm pulsation washing over her and were it not for their objective here, she wouldn't have minded to stay observing it for a while longer…

At the same time, there was also a discomfort deep inside that she associated with the lights, as beautiful as they were, being caused by Innocence. It was not a sensation she cared to analyze much.

Finally, they reached a clearing.

The pulsation of the earth, as a hidden river, echoed up through their flesh, aiming for the heart.

Right ahead, the grass oscillated in with light blue and silver, veins alternating between nacreous, aqua and aurora-pink. In the center, there was a weeping willow. Allen had never seen a tree this huge or ancient. The branches fell around the trunk as a waterfall of colors, some of the roots were exposed, larger than an arm and pure white.

"My god…" Alison sighed at Allen's side, voice broken by the splendor of what they were seeing. He couldn't stop looking at the tree, the liquid colors dancing among the leaves… Then he spotted a known greenish light among the old twisting roots that soon hid themselves under the earth. The Innocence, whatever it was, was hidden in the center of the tree, among the parts of the roots that were exposed.

Dominated by the vision, he might not have noticed the shadows approaching if it wasn't for the pulsation of his eye breaking the enchantment and making his nerves turn into glass shards.

At his side, an intake of air. Elana let out a low sound that wasn't unlike a growl.

Four shadows stepped into the light.

Three humanoid forms, a kind of mane coming out of their helmets and floating in the air as if they were underwater. Colors didn't reflect in those eyes that shined and rolled, bulbous protuberances in the metal.

The last member of the group looked completely human.

Yet, Allen knew people would say he was the most inhuman of them.

And Allen avoided looking at Raz.

The Level Three akumas stretched their heads at their direction, as dogs anxious for their master's permission to hunt and dismember.

"Well, would you look at that… What a surprise!" A relaxed voice, adorned by a trace of amusement broke the silence in a thousand shards, as well as the peace they had felt until now.

"So, boy, how have you been?" Tyki Mikk asked with a smile.

 

* * *

**Allen: You didn't go and did this... Right?  
**

**Ana: Uh… You mean the cliffhanger or the meeting with Tyki?**

**Allen: Both!**

**Tyki: Oh, c'mon boy, aren't you happy to see me?**

**Allen: Listen, you did save me last time and I'm grateful, I admit, but this doesn't change the bigger picture!**


	8. Act Eight – Dance of Light and Darkness

_"The soldier, above all others, prays for peace, for it is the soldier who must bear the deepest wounds and scars of the war" –_ Douglas MacArthur _._

 

The whispering of the leaves had ceased.

The akumas had their multiple eyes on the group, red and of different sizes, some still spun as if unable to fixate on anything as they gleamed with the forest's lights. One of the creatures had its head leaning forwards as a long and pasty-like membrane ran along the base of its helmet in a way similar to a dog licking his muzzle. Elana was sure this was a silent provocation and half expected the Noah to pat it.

They had come from somewhere at the right direction of Allen and the others. Both groups were at the same distance from the tree and the Innocence it had in its roots. Elana felt her mouth dry. They were five (Six if they counted Raz, but she had no Innocence in her favor) against four… Yet, her nerve endings had become thin. Numbers were illusion: They were in disadvantage here.

Allen wanted to look at Raz with the corner of his eyes. Feeling he couldn't, he kept staring at Tyki Mikk.

The golden-liquid eyes contrasting with the grey skin, the Noah smiled at him in his usual way. Hands in his pants' pockets, the white shirt under the coat reflecting the colorful waves, he merely stared back as if they had crossed paths on the street or another common place.

"Geez, no answer? Aren't you even going to ask how I have been?" He inquired with faked disappointment, his cigarette firm in his mouth as his expression became one of hurt. "And I thought we were _camaradas!"_

His eyes slithered to the others, stopping briefly on Raz, his laidback expression returning, not giving a hint of his thoughts. Allen felt his legs' bones turning into steel, holding back the impulse of standing in front of the girl. The gesture could be interpreted more as one of weakness than protection.

And when you were in front of rabid dogs, any movement could provoke an attack.

" _If we have to fight, wouldn't it be better to just start it?"_

He didn't need to look at the others to see their Innocences being activated. Close to his right, he felt Lauren, muscles turned into stone. Alison had her bow lifted, the index and medium fingers touching the middle of it, on the ring ornamenting it.

Raz remained still.

Her mind was pierced by images, of Allen's fight against akumas and the one she had witnessed yesterday. As poisonous as the images were, her focus remained on the present, not on the akumas but on the man who had just spoken. His skin was the same grey she had seen in herself back when she had woken up, marking the beginning of the only memories she had.

But it wasn't just his appearance or the way he talked to Allen, denouncing they had met before. There was a _sensation_ , unlike anything she had felt before, being born somewhere, too deep inside for her to pinpoint as it spread through her blood. Her mind couldn't understand it, but her core seemed to feel as if it should be… A sensation she _knew_.

" _Is he… Is he like me…?"_

The unknown Noah studied her for a moment, enough to make it clear that although she was kept a "normal" appearance, he somehow knew who (or at least _what_ ) she was.

A needle of ice pierced her spine and right there, Raz could only wish he wouldn't say anything, that he wouldn't denounce the truth to Alison and the others. Her organs shivered, as if wanting to change places inside her.

Tyki observed the Accommodators that were with Allen and Raziah. They didn't come as a surprise, though they had never crossed paths before. The Clan had had some suspicions that some Innocence-users had left the Order… Not that they knew or cared why they hadn't turned into Fallen Ones. They were of no importance. It wasn't so easy to hunt akumas if they didn't have the same level of info the Order had and the Earl believed the Heart would most likely be with the Organization rather than risking itself in the open.

Not that it meant they wouldn't be killed just as well.

This night was turning out far more amusing than he had previously supposed it would.

"And would you look at that? It seems like you got yourself new _friends."_ He dragged the word.

Lauren's eyes went from Allen to the Noah. There was something twisted in his eyes, despite his carefree mannerisms. He would rip their limps one by one, as a child does to a fly and enjoy it immensely. She knew it. She could see it in his expression.

Samuel leaned forward, his attention on the Noah as well, muscles tensed for the fight ahead.

Allen held his wrist and pulled. There was no pain. The flesh slowly dissolved to form a large sword. Even with the situation at hand, Alison couldn't avoid being impressed by the vision. She had never seen an Innocence like that.

"And I told before, didn't I?" He muttered, words taken over by coldness. He tried to not think much about the last time he had seen Tyki and the circumstances. "If you touch any of my _friends… I'll kill you."_

There was no room for doubt regarding this promise and despite the gentleness Allen had displayed until now, Elana felt a shiver on her nerves. The Noah merely stared at the boy, as if he had made a joke that only the two of them could understand.

A part of Allen's mind was trying to avoid memories. Apocryphos' attack, Road getting in front of him, the escape and the last words he had exchanged with Lenalee before leaving… And underneath this, there was what Tyki had told him: " _You sow chaos wherever you go, boy_ ".

"Oh, you did mention something like this once…" The Noah nodded with a thoughtful expression of one trying to recall an event of long ago. "I could say just _a few things_ regarding that…" Allen could feel the _essence_ of what the Noah of Pleasure would have liked to say and his hand shivered.

Tyki sighed as he shrugged.

"Sadly, we don't have much time _now."_ His smile was the same of when Allen had first seen him as a Noah, when he had placed a Tease in his heart, which now beat out of rhythm as if the organ could recall it.

"Maybe after we deal with this, we can all have a long chat."

The akumas attacked.

With inhuman speed, Tyki lunged towards them. In his arm, there was a star-shaped shield of Dark Matter, like the one Allen had seen him use during the fights in the Ark. It didn't even shiver once it hit against Allen's sword.

Darkness and light met in the air. Teases appeared, brushing against them, agitating their wings quickly. Allen's white cape gleamed when reflecting colors while it wrapped around him, keeping him safe from their bites.

"Just to remember the good old times, boy!" The Noah smiled. Allen didn't reply, the sword a flash that danced as he tried to turn, to stay between Tyki and the tree with the Innocence.

He swirled, the sword slicing the Teases as the Noah attacked with the Dark Matter. The impact didn't go through the cape, but Allen felt the pressure in his body, bones shivering in reply and a lightening of pain ran through him.

A black-tongued akuma jumped towards Elana, revealing a mouth with several rows of iron teeth. The girl cut the air with a folding fan, the exterior painted with black and marked by moving spirals of green. The leaves gleamed with Innocence. Half-moons appeared, following the gesture, hitting the copper-colored armor, not leaving a scratch.

She jumped when went for her. Its teeth met with nothing, the shock sounding metallic. Samuel attacked with a double-bladed spear. It seemed sharp enough to slice even the lights of the forest.

But the akuma's armor was of no material known to humans.

The creature turned, reaching with his claws. Samuel backed away, swirling the spear in a circle of silver. This tended to be useful, as with the long blades he didn't need to be too close, but the akuma's arms were longer than normal.

He groaned in pain as his chest freed blood.

He and Elana stood side by side. The akuma, despite its humanoid shape, stood in all fours, hands a mix between human's and paws boasting scythe-like claws. Samuel threw himself against it, the half-moon blades of Elana following like swirling birds. The girl ran as well, attacking the akuma from the sides.

Alison pulled her fingers from the ring in her bow. A line made of silver appeared as she moved, cutting across air when she released it. The akuma was hit in the shoulder, the impact making it back off with a growl. Lauren jumped in the air and fell with her fists stretched in front of her, hitting the akuma's back.

The attack forced it down. Lauren kept punching the same point, trying to weaken the armor there. Claws grasped her body, tearing apart her shirt and air escaped from her mouth once it started to crush her.

New arrows rained, alternating between the akuma's head and its hand. Two pierced his larger eyes, making it let out a cry and release Lauren. There were pressure dents in its back, yet it was not enough to destroy it free the trapped soul.

"Think that has any effect?" The akuma asked, its voice a sound that shouldn't exist.

"Ask that again when you're falling in pieces." Lauren groaned, trying to ignore the ache in her muscles.

The third akuma was scratching the roots of the tree, its large head lowered as a dog trying to get in a fox's den, eyes turning insanely. The Innocence should be strengthening the bark, otherwise, the akuma would have already tore it apart.

" _Shit!"_ Alison realized, eyes going from one akuma to the other. Lauren needed to be near it to fight, but she could hit the akuma's arms and stop some attacks… However, she couldn't let the Innocence be taken, either.

It was insanity. It had been _years_ since any of them had even cared about retrieving Innocence.

Still attacking the akuma, aiming specially at the head and hands, Alison dared to look at the tree again… And realized there was someone behind the roots.

" _Raz!"_ She cried in her mind. The tree was huge and large, and the akuma was so focused in just the Innocence that it had not realized the girl on the other side. Her skin was so pale that the colors seemed to cover her as a kind of human chameleon.

Without stopping her arrows, fingers so fast she might have been playing a strange harp, Alison moved her bow in a second, not needing more than that to place the other akuma under her aim and shoot. Silver ran through the air and the creature reared when it was hit.

In the instant of a heartbeat, Raz lifted her head trying to look past the roots and her eyes met Alison's. At once, she was back to crawling as Alison alternated her arrows between one akuma and another.

The one who had been attacking the tree turned, charging at Alison, its hands waving in the air.

Claws as thorns were shot against her.

Alison jumped back. A warm river of pain exploded in her left shoulder. Blood washed her clothes as she tried to attack again.

Belly against the grass, Raz reached out with her hands between the roots, trying to get the Innocence.

She had known she wouldn't be able to help in the fight and the sensation of self loathing had washed all sensations. However, noticing the akumas were being fought by two Exiled each and the third was digging the roots and trying to grasp the Innocence, she had backed away to the trees.

Once out the clearing, she had circled it. She had hoped that, taking this route, she could get the Innocence without being noticed. Then she had saw the akuma, biting and digging, trying to break the roots. Her blood felt cold.

After all she had seen, she didn't want to get this closer to an akuma.

Lying in the grass, she crawled, watching for every movement of the creature. She could only hope it wouldn't see her, relying on how large the tree was. It kept biting, scratching, growling. Its movements had no sanity. Her heart throbbed against the earth and Raz wondered how the akuma didn't feel it echoing in the ground.

It lifted its head as if sniffing the air. The girl froze, only daring to move again when the akuma started to bite the wood, leaving marks. The Innocence shone among the twisted roots, intercrossing in webs, making it hard to reach it. Upon sinking her hand among them, Raz felt their resistance, each one covered in sharp saliencies.

When the akuma roared in pain and anger, her eyes met with Alison's. And she wished she knew what to do. The image of shadows coming near Allen, straps hitting against the train cabin's walls and shards of it going up in the air as a dark mist came to her mind.

She didn't know how to control it, didn't know what to do with _it_!

Her fingers brushed against the Innocence. She pushed against the roots, trying to hold it, to use the tips of her fingers to bring it closer.

" _Just a bit more, c'mon…"_ The scars that started to form in her hands due to the feathers throbbed. " _It doesn't matter, c'mon!"_

Her fingers closed over something and she pulled.

The light in the tree waved, but like a candle whose flame starts to diminish, seemed to be able to hold on for a while longer.

Once the lights disappeared, they all would know the Innocence had been caught.

Raz stood behind the tree, her mind running through the options. Should she stay and get caught before the fight had ended, the Innocence would be destroyed right there (and she would be lucky if the man didn't reveal what she truly was in front of the others, Raz knew he hadn't done so until now due to his attention being in the Innocence).

However, the idea of running away and leaving the others, as frightened as she was, was hateful.

Elana's attacked the akuma's shoulder, her Innocence making a light crack as Samuel danced in the air, hitting its the head and chest with the blades.

The other creature growled, a reddish liquid dripping from the eyes pierced by Alison's arrows and its hands had scratches. But the girl now was fighting the other akuma as well and Lauren could not help her. Her mind didn't make thoughts with words, just sensations. There was a crack in akuma's chest where Lauren had punched and her eyes hunted for any weak spot it could have.

"You'll be swimming in blood with your friend soon enough!" The thing teased despite its wounds. Lauren took a deep breath, ignoring her pain, focused on where the attacks came from and where hers would have more effect.

Lauren attacked. A right punch hit the akuma in the neck. The other was blocked by its hand. Both backed off. Pain shot from the nerves in her left hand that the akuma had tried to break. However, she realized that its hand also had four deep holes.

From where she stood observing, Raz felt her throat closing without her control. She saw the white of Allen's cloak, but didn't want to see it, trying to stop her mind from going too deep in the fact that the other man was Noah, that he was like her and it was the first time she ever saw someone of her "Clan" and…

The girl tried to take a deep breath and force her organism under control as she slipped back to the forest carefully.

They were all fighting to protect the Innocence.

The thing in her hand emitted a dim white and green light. If any akuma came after her, her position would be denounced even with the lights around. And once those were gone, the Innocence would be all the more visible. Even if Raz tried to hide it under her shirt, it wouldn't work.

" _And why isn't it hurting me?"_ It didn't feel like when she had grasped those feathers in Allen's arm, it was different…

Well, not _completely_ …

At the second her flesh came in contact with the Innocence, something had pierced her, making her bleed inside something ancient that held her nerves. Among that river of substances, there was the strong desire of getting rid of that _thing_.

That _Innocence_.

There had been times still when the sight of the Innocence, be of Allen or those other people, would get to her. It felt like thorns. She couldn't comprehend, limiting herself to trying to control it, as much as it burned.

She didn't want to attack them.

Even Elana, Samuel and the others… They hadn't done anything against her or Allen. There was no reason for her to hurt them.

And Allen! He had been at her side even knowing she was a Noah. He could have killed her, but no, he had _helped_ her.

Yet, no matter how much she tried to hold to those thoughts, it wasn't enough. The contact with the Innocence prickled her hand. And those sensations took over her.

_She wanted to destroy that._

An akuma cackled.

The cacophony of the battle continued.

Raz took a deep breath as she crawled to the ground again, keeping the Innocence close to her body. It pulsated like a heartbeat. She had to force herself to keep holding it, a storm piercing her blood. What should she do? Run back to town? It would take time, she didn't want to leave the others. Hide the Innocence? Risky. How could she know that if she put it inside some hole in the ground or tree, the lights wouldn't appear once more or something else wouldn't denounce its location?

The lights around were becoming weaker by the second.

She didn't have much time.

Looking back at the clearing from behind a tree, she saw figures jumping against each other. Allen and the Noah were engaged in a violent dance. The boy tried to tie the Noah's arms with a band that came off his cape, but the other pulled, forcing Allen along and kicking. Allen let go in the last second, managing to land an attack with his sword. His opponent seemed to walk in the air and avoid it.

Raz ran.

What she desired to do didn't matter, what mattered was what she _could_ do.

Run, get away from the fight, just keep the Innocence safe. She could meet the others later, once they realized the Innocence was gone, maybe the akumas would leave to hunt for it and then they would leave.

_Maybe, maybe, maybe…_

Alison's shoulder throbbed with pain where the thorn had pierced her. Blood still flowed, red drops fell in the grass, dark between the living colors. The akuma attacked, but her arrows never stopped, she fought to keep the movements at the same speed, to not let that thing out of her aim.

The akuma didn't need to come closer. Its thorns were casted as Alison's arrows were. Silver birds and grey shocked in air as they moved. The akuma had scratches and dents, a deep crack in its helmet. A creek of blood came from a wound in Alison's leg.

Samuel ignored the blood on his face. Agile, he hit the akuma as Elana casted waves, trying to block attacks at the same time. His spear pierced the internal side of the creature's elbow. Samuel used the support to lift himself and, with a swirl of his weapon, punctured the other blade against the armor.

The edge went deep in the back of the akuma's neck. Elana hit the blade of her fan against a spot in its waist where the armor seemed thinner. The akuma let out a roar. A pressure surged from inside out, as a cocoon exploding. The impact threw both to the ground with a fire-like heat.

Among the white explosion, the cacophony and pieces of metal fading in the air, the lights of the forest became paler.

And, slowly, they ceased to exist.

The night felt darker.

The forest became a sea of dark grey and green, bathed in moonlight. Having got used to the colors, Samuel had to blink, everything around looked like a grave now. He and Elana looked at the willow, but Lauren and Alison were the ones fighting the remaining akumas as Allen still tried to keep the Noah away.

Not looks or words were needed. As one, they just ran towards their friends.

Tyki realized the darkness, the remaining ones fighting the akumas and knew what had happened.

" _So, Raziah took the Innocence, huh? I wonder what she will do now."_ There was the matter of what Lulubell had told them, yes, but there was also something more powerful here: The girl's nature.

The nature of a Noah.

"Sorry there, boy!" He hissed as he tried to kick the side of Allen's body. "But tonight, I'm here just for business" Allen blocked a hit with his sword, pushing it against Tyki at the same time.

There was no reply. Allen could hear the sounds of fight around and knew the others were also fighting the akumas, a white light before the fading of the colorful lights and a whisper that only he could hear had informed him that one of them had been destroyed.

But there were others still and Level Three were not to be made fun off.

Having fought Tyki before, Allen wanted to keep him away from the others.

The Noah turned his shield, one of the stars' edges aiming for Allen. He stopped it with his sword. A hit of Dark Matter found his stomach. His organs burned, pushing the skin of his back, or so it felt like. Another hit in a precise spot of under his chest and he fell in the ground, the white cape of Crown Clown keeping him safe from the blades that rained over him. Hius lungs fought for air.

Standing near the trees circling around the clearing, Tyki observed him for a second before jumping back and disappearing, face ripped apart in a smile.

Allen stood… And hesitated.

Instead of running to the woods, he turned back to the field and to Lauren and Elana. Seeing him at her side, Lauren, who was trying to hit the Akuma in the helmet as Elana hit its arm, yelled.

"Allen, what do you THINK you're _DOING?"_

He attacked the akuma. The sword's blade hit its waist and the creature stretched its torso back as if the spine had been broken. Allen meant to attack again, but Lauren screamed once more.

"Go after that guy! Raz has the Innocence! _He will kill her!"_ She groaned as she avoided the Akuma's claws. Elana casted a wave of energy against it.

"But…"

"You heard her! We'll follow! _GO_!"

Allen took off in the opposite direction. He ran among the trees, jumping over fallen ones. His wounds pulsated, but his body was used to fighting and the adrenaline helped to keep his focus, mind trained to ignore pain and force the body to carry on.

He didn't want to leave the others, even if he knew they were strong. But he had to.

It was the Innocence that was in his mind. It was Raz.

Raz was a Noah. Allen wasn't sure Tyki wouldn't hurt her.

" _What if the Clan started to consider her a traitor like Neah?"_

And what if Tyki denounced her to Samuel and the others? He didn't want to think about it now.

He stopped for a moment, whiteness shielding him, eyes seeking among shadows for a gleam to follow.

Raz ignored her wish to go back to the others, blood going from hot to cold in waves too quickly to separate the sensations. She kept running. The forest was silent, she couldn't tell if it the fight was over or if she was too far away to hear it. The lack of lights didn't interfere with her vision.

Finally, she stopped near a twisted tree, catching her breath. She felt like she could still go further, but wasn't sure this would be a good idea.

The lights were gone and she was alone.

The trees pointed to the sky, branches and leaves as claws. Moonlight fell like a mist, the only remaining source of light, making glass-like pools in the ground. No insects or night birds could be heard, as if every living creature in the forest was dead.

Was the fight over? Would the akumas prefer to kill those people or to go search for the Innocence?

If she could at least hide the damn thing somewhere safe and go back…

" _And what could you ever do?"_ The cold thought washed the storm in her. " _Of what help could you even be?"_

She felt empty. Heavy. Useless.

And in that moment, something else had the chance to rise above every thought or heartbeat she could ever have. The Innocence pulsated in her hand as a heart freshly ripped from a body. Except it wouldn't stop beating.

And Raz _hated it._

She hated enough to want it erased, gone forever. She would gladly do it if she knew _how_ to. The greenish gleam reflected in her eyes.

Cursed. Hateful. Disgusting.

_There was no forgiveness._

Her fingers closed a bit more. A shiver ran through her arm's skin.

She had never thought such a powerful emotion could be possible. This was unlike the dread she had experienced, this was violent, a storm with no end, it filled her body and it made her want, _need_ to act upon it _._

_She hated Innocence._

_She hated Innocence._

_SHE HATED INNOCENCE._

Darkness bloomed in rebirth. It stretched towards her in a wave. Raz didn't realize it, her fingers becoming stiff as claws and slowly closing more and more around the Innocence. The hatred burned.

She didn't know how to destroy it, but that's what she would do.

If that thing didn't exist… If it was gone, then…

Raz blinked.

What was she doing? _WHAT WAS SHE DOING?_

Allen! And Lauren, Alison… They were all fighting to keep that Innocence safe and she had been about to try _destroying_ it? Her nerves convulsed, the echo piercing her blood and waking her body.

Still, she _couldn't get rid_ of that desire.

Self-loathing filled her.

What sort of monster was she?

In the silence, the small rustle behind her was alike a bone breaking.

Raz turned, searching for movement in the woods. Had it been an animal? A strange sensation slithered in her veins, accompanying the blood. It was new, soft and fragile as the heart of a newborn.

She knew someone was there. That the noise had been entirely intentional.

A figure appeared, hidden in the shadows of the trees. It came closer, stepping into a scrap of moonlight.

The pale light illuminated the grey face of the male Noah. His black hair, once up to the back of his head, had gotten lose and fell in a messy ponytail on his back.

The sensation of when she had first seen him, the one inside her veins, was stronger. Unused to it as she was, the impact was enough to hurt her mind.

Tyki studied the girl in front of him, who was still keeping her human disguise. Her hair fell over her shoulders and back as a bluish-black ink and her complexion was pale as a bone, face a mask that allowed no emotions or intentions to be expressed.

But he thought she had likely felt it, the usual recognition that Noahs felt when meeting one another.

"Good evening." He greeted her with a polite nod. Seeing she still held the Innocence, he indicated to it with his chin. "And… What do you intend to do with it?"

* * *

**Ana: Well, things are not looking very good.**

**Alison: May I ask what is your deal with the wounds and scars?**

**Ana: Hey, it is a war. What did you expect?**

**Alison: … It isn't that I _expected_ anything different, but… **

**Ana: Whatever. Well, look guys, I never had much experience with describing fights and I feel some passages may have been quite badly written. What do you think?  
**

**Tyki: I think I need more screen time here.**

**Raz: I think I'm screwed.**

**Ana: Yeah, thanks for the great advice with my writing skills, you both ¬¬**


	9. Act Nine – Where Can You Go?

_"Friendship is held to be the severest test of character. It is easy, we think, to be loyal to a family and clan, whose blood is in your own veins." –_ Charles Eastman _._

 

"Good evening." He greeted her with a polite nod. Seeing she still held the Innocence, he indicated it with his chin. "And… What do you intend to do with it?"

His tone was good humored as when he had spoke in the clearing. Raz's mouth was dry and her heart was unable to decide between punching her chest or remain in a serene rhythm. An area of her brain had turned into frozen mist.

That man… It was the first time she was seeing someone who was… Like her. Someone from the Clan. Another _Noah…_ Raz comprehended then that the sensation of before, when he had stepped in the clearing and of now, in her veins, was one of _recognition._ Nothing about him was familiar to her, but the animal self, the instinct, it recognized the presence of another of her own species.

The same family.

"Who are you?" The question escaped her without any control. The sound of her own voice shook her, dispersing part of her lethargy. He wanted the Innocence, obviously, and that should be all that mattered. Raz was aware of such, however her focus refused to be fixated on that alone.

It was the first time she saw someone like her, at least since she could remember…

It was one thing to know the Clan existed and having Allen tell details here and there. Meeting another Noah was something else entirely…

The man backed his head slightly, in a gesture of surprise. His golden eyes stood out all the more in the night, regardless of the moon. Gold drops among ashes.

"Hm? The boy didn't say a thing about me?" He asked in mockery, shaking his head with a sigh in a display of disappointment. "If he keeps this up, he will end up hurting my feelings." He leaned enough to make a short bow, hand on his chest as his eyes never left hers. "I'm Lord Tyki Mikk, member of the Noah Clan and the Noah of Pleasure at your service, _Raziah._ "

He scrutinized her face for a reaction. There was a brief change on her eyes, just enough to reveal a brief surprise before it was gone again. Her face remained a mask of serene control, but a mask nevertheless. Well, he could fix that and avoided looking at the Innocence for now, as he would take care of that in a second.

It was a good opportunity to study the situation closer and report to the Earl later.

Raz remained still. Allen had mentioned that man back in the train, but just that this Noah had the power to move through matter. The name he called her by didn't go unnoticed and had no meaning in a rational level: It was something inside her blood that reacted.

Raziah.

" _My name… Raziah…"_ Answering to this call felt as natural as breathing.

"Have you remembered something yet?" Tyki took the chance, as brief as it could be, taking two steps to her direction slowly, knowing that the answer would be negative. No doubt Raziah would have already made questions after that akumas' attack, which the boy would have answered as truthfully as he could. Maybe he hadn't told her everything, but he would have told at least _a little._

It would be good to find out just _how_ much she knew now.

His attempt at approaching, as a panther to prey, turned Raz's bones cold. It shocked with the sensation she still felt.

"Do you know me?" It was mere a whisper and she wondered how could he know that she didn't remember anything. Then she recalled that one of the akumas in the last city had referred to her as "lost Noah". Allen had told her they could be used by the Earl as eyes, but she hadn't thought it would be to that level… Oh, what was she thinking? It didn't matter, the result was the same.

"Actually, no." Tyki denied with a gesture of head. The Noah genes in him did recognize her as a family member, but there were no memories regarding the girl _personally_ , since he had no memories of the previous incarnation of Joyd.

Raziah's question ( _Raz,_ he corrected himself) hadn't any intonation or emotion, words being no more than sounds. He couldn't tell how she might be feeling, but he doubted it was anything close to peace.

"I suppose the boy did tell you at least _some_ stuff? About Exorcists and this stage of destruction we're in? Our _Clan?"_ He inquired, back relaxed and hands in his pockets as if this was but a casual meeting. His behavior did nothing to soothe Raz. Seeing no reason to lie, she nodded slowly.

Tyki concluded the boy had explained the general picture, then.

" _I knew he would."_

His eyes slowly went to the Innocence she held before going back to the Noah girl's face.

A smile tore his face apart. His iris seemed to become a thin line. His expression was the essence of a murdering desire.

"So… What do you _intend to do with this_? _"_

Raz didn't move. Her muscles ached. She couldn't tell if that man, Tyki, had noticed her distress or not, as he carried on without waiting for a reply.

"You want to destroy it, don't you?" His whisper was a breeze in the night and Raz's eyes widened in a second, surprised that he _could_ know this. Tyki laughed, gesturing to her. "Perfectly natural. Please, do go ahead."

"No."

The Noah's brow rose slightly before the refusal, his twisted amusement not leaving his expression.

"I don't want to." It was not a lie, nor was it completely true. The desire of destroying it still throbbed inside her, but Raz _didn't want_ to feel that and her mind focused in Lauren, Allen and the others, using their faces as chains to herself. They shocked against the desire that held her nerves, making her feel sliced apart.

Still, she couldn't. She _couldn't_.

"No need to lie, _Raz._ As I said, it's just natural." He explained as if to a child before snapping his fingers in realization, his smile growing. "Oh, of course! You may not know it… Then let me tell you…"

Tyki came closer, stopping at a certain distance as for Raz to not feel pressed enough to step away, and leaned at her direction. He whispered dragging the words, as if sharing a secret.

"We Noah _have power to destroy Innocences_ …"

Raz fought to not look at the Innocence.

She… Could? She _could_ destroy it? Wasn't it an empty wish she could not act upon? Was there a way of…

No, wait, _no!_ She didn't want to do that, she _wouldn't_ do that!

She had to keep the Innocence safe!

"If that's what you _want_ to do, why hold back?" The question was genuine and made sense. He gestured languidly to her in incentive. "C'mon, go ahead… _Enjoy_ it."

Tyki's eyes were spiders grabbing her skin. The voice full of sweet poison entered her without Raz being able to stop it. On a side, the idea of feeling the Innocence shattering under her fingers was something she longed to experience.

Maybe… Maybe she _should_ listen to him.

He knew what he was talking about, if they were the same, then he understood. He understood what she was feeling, right?

He was from the Clan. He was from the family.

_Her_ Clan. _Her_ family.

He… He…

_He could have killed Allen, Alison or any of them._

Tyki took another step, leaning to her as if meaning to hold her hands.

"Here, dear… Do you want me to teach you how?"

Raz backed away without stepping back, fighting to silence her own blood. She would not allow this man to notice how her flesh shivered under the skin.

Tyki saw her eyes, grey-blue stones, turning into ice.

"I will _not_ do this." And she wouldn't let him do it either, her tone implied. She had seen moments of his fight with Allen and knew there was no way she could win against him: Not only didn't she know anything about her own abilities, she didn't know how to fight.

Thinking about the shadows around, Raz forgot her previous fear and wished for them. They shivered once, some at her feet slithering against her ankles as serpents. The Noah girl forced a sound of repulse down her throat, telling herself it was alright. It _was_.

Perhaps she could try to see what she could do, not caring about effects or consequences.

Tyki saw what was happening, a soft smile returning to his features. Raz had no idea how a smile could be so terrifying.

"Oh, do you _really_ want to fight _me?"_

Raz recoiled the hand with the Innocence, almost putting it behind her.

Tyki evaluated the girl, his expression becoming cruel.

A Noah protecting an Innocence. The irony would have had some hilarity, if it didn't make his genes twist. The way she had pulled Apocryphos' feathers and helped Walker was something, this now was a different matter.

"I could _drag_ you back home…" He sounded as if debating the idea with himself. "Say, _Raz_ … Don't you want to see your _family_? Don't you want to know _who you are?"_

She sustained his stare.

"I'll find about that eventually." She replied before giving herself time to let the words sink in, voice an ice needle in the night's air. At her feet, the darkness was alive, shreds of mist rising as fragments of black flames.

"With the boy?"

"Allen is my friend…" Raz growled. "If this means protecting Innocence, so be it."

Tyki sighed with boredom.

Black and purple butterflies flew to her, small golden heads like skulls snapping their fangs.

Without knowing what she was doing, just hoping _something_ would happen, Raz waved her free hand to the sky. Darkness followed the movement, creating a shield. It wasn't fast enough. Some butterflies passed by Raz, their fangs tearing off skin. A few seemed to hit the darkness, as if it was something solid.

Tyki passed through the shadows dissipating them, the star of Black Matter back in his arm. Raz recoiled, but he was over her. The girl tried visualizing the shadows and something in her felt them as an extension… They came from behind her, throwing themselves against Tyki. Though they did blind him and let her get away, they were still nothing more than shadows.

" _Damn it, how can I attack?"_ She couldn't get near him without risking the Innocence. " _Keep him away, try to escape, but keep this thing safe!"_

A warm wave ripped her arm. One of the butterflies bit her angrily, to force her to let the Innocence go. Raz jumped in another direction as Tyki walked out the wave of shadows she had created.

"Interesting little tricks" He said, unaffected. "But nothing more."

He was right.

" _No, some of those things_ hit _the shadows. Maybe I can…"_ The girl took a deep breath and concentrated… In her free hand, black shadows reunited in a mist that slid and caressed her skin.

Tyki attacked, the star turned in a way so the spot when two blades aimed at her neck, cornering the girl.

Raz raised her fist in defense. The shadows blocked the Dark Matter, shining as hematite stones. She tried to keep control and push that man away, but her barrier weakened and there were seconds when it was back to being just a shadow.

Tyki noticed this.

"Think you can keep it up with me?"

Raz didn't answer, risking leaning her weight in the darkness that covered her arm. If he didn't back off and her defense turned into shadow again, she would be caught. The girl wished with all she had that she could pierce that shield of his… And though a blade did appear over her hand, it wasn't solid enough and faded.

Her back was pressed against a tree. Raz slid. His shield turned in the last second, hitting the wood, part of it brushing the exposed skin of her arm.

Her heart went in and out of rhythm. Her brain pulsated in her skull. She tried to raise a barrier against the needles of a dark matter, but before she could slip away, Tyki attacked.

He grabbed her neck, hitting her body against the tree again.

Recalling flashes of what she had seen of his fight with Allen, Raz understood then that he had just been playing with her. Three butterflies waved their wings near her, one landing on her shoulder, perhaps attracted by the smell of blood. Four small legs came from the sides of a protuberance like a head, thin as needles.

She fought back a shiver at the sight.

Blood slid down her arm where one of those things had bitten. The one she had used as shield hurt. Still, those were light wounds and the problem was her organism, twisting inside her body as if in a process of self cannibalism. Each vein carried messages of pain.

" _Weak… Is this all I can do? Useless…"_

When she tried to struggle, Tyki kept her in place.

"I'm really not in the _mood_ for this shit, you know?" He grabbed her wrist, digging her skin with his nails. "It was kinda fun, but I'm getting _bored._ "

Raz felt the butterfly's wings brushing her face, teeth touching her flesh.

Tyki saw her watching the creature, fear being born in her eyes despite her face still being frozen in serenity. It wasn't something she controlled, he realized, but that came naturally. Well, at least he had managed to crack that, which pleased him.

"Oh, no need to be afraid…" He commented as he increased the pressure in her wrist, which less intention to hurt that one should expect from him. It just would be better if she learnt that it wasn't a good idea to protect an Innocence, not when she was a Noah. "The Teases won't bite you anymore."

Maybe, with the resistance she was displaying, she had not understood.

Raz tried to hold the Innocence, but her bones were hollow with weariness and part of the reason why she still stood was due to Tyki holding her. He didn't mean to suffocate or actually cause harm, but his hand was firm enough to restrain her.

"Now, let it go."

She tried to struggle. The hold around her wrist got tighter. Her fingers weakened.

"Give it to me..."

A white lighting cut the air.

"Opa!" Tyki yelled with a laugh, jumping behind. Raz leaned her back against the tree, refusing to fall. Part of Allen's cape had come between them and, in the dark, he was a ghost of snow.

"I warned you." He growled, coming closer. "To _not_ touch a friend of mine."

He stood near Raz, turning to her while still wary of Tyki.

"Are you okay?" He asked. "I'm sorry I took so long, I…"

"I'm fine." She replied quickly, bitterness spreading inside her. Before Allen's worry, Tyki scoffed a laugh.

"Please, boy, do you _actually_ believe I would hurt a _member of the family?"_ He dragged the last words, again in manner of someone sharing a special secret that just Allen would understand. Golden eyes dragged over them. "I just wanted to see what she could do… And take the chance to get this."

He raised the Innocence.

"I have an idea, boy. Why don't we bet this in a poker game?" With cheerfulness in his words, it was impossible to know if he was mocking them or being serious. His fingers, claws hidden in the glove, started to close and they both sensed a power concentrating in his hand, pressing the Innocence.

"NO!" Allen and Raz cried at the same time and Allen went forward, too late. The Noah fingers closed over the Innocence. There was a strange gleam and once he opened his hand, a silvery dust fell.

Tyki smiled.

"Uops."

Standing still, Raz's mind provided her with the fights of Samuel, Alison throwing arrows at the akumas, Lauren being grabbed by one of them, Allen fighting that Noah…

It had been for _nothing_.

"Oh, please. I actually did you a favor. What could you have done with it anyway? Send to the Order by mail?" The disdain went undisguised as Tyki's eyes remained in the spot the shattered Innocence had gleamed for an instant, savoring the moment as a door appeared behind him, a black shape with a number shining on the top. Raz had no idea of what this meant and was unable be surprised anymore, but noticed Allen getting tense, his sword half lifted for the possibility of a fight.

"Hmmm… Now let's see, what should I do?" Tyki muttered, holding his chin and pretending to be thoughtful. Allen held the sword firmly, getting in position. Even though the fight of just now had had its impact in his strength, Tyki should know him enough to not fool himself into thinking he could take him or Raz to the Earl without any resistance.

Voices cut the air until them.

" _Allen! Raz!"_

_"Where are you guys?"_

They heard cries at distance, the voices of Samuel and Alison echoing among the trees.

Hearing that as well, Tyki smiled. It occurred to Allen he looked just like he did back in that forest of China, when telling of having killed Yeegar.

"I wonder what they would say if they knew of everything. You didn't forget what happened with the Order, did you, boy?"

Raz didn't fully understood what he meant, but the words had a clear effect in Allen judging by his expression and the growl that escaped his throat.

"Well, as much I would love to take you both _home._ " He commented with a sigh and shrugging, still studying them. "I don't think I'll." _At least not now_ , they felt it and the reasons for this decision had nothing to do with mercy, quite the opposite. The black portal opened, revealing a white light and something in his expression made Allen suddenly imagine a large cat slowly ripping a mouse open with its claws.

Once the Earl had decided that, despite his own anxiety, they could use Walker to attract Apocryphos (not to mention that with time perhaps his Noah genes would naturally overpower the human ones) and Raz would most likely be fine (and might remember things with time), then there was no harm in _not_ taking them now, even if it would be easy.

This actually made him glad and the reason was simple.

Sounds of steps in the grass and foliage moving found them, growing louder by the second. The others' voices came closer, still calling for them and figures appeared among the trees, the light of the portal making it easier to notice them.

"This game just turned _interesting._ It would be a waste to end it all so early. Besides…"

A noise of branches and steps. Panting, sweat drops in their forehead and, in some cases, blood, Samuel, Elana, Alison and Lauren appeared among the trees. Upon seeing Tyki, they held their weapons firmly, ferocity in their eyes.

Tyki, almost going through the portal of the Ark, ignored the new arrived and looked at Allen and Raz for the last time.

"It will be so much more _fun_ when you two finally realize you have no place in this world other than with us."

In the end, they would come to the Clan of their own free will.

And that was so much better.

The light extinguished when he crossed the portal and it closed without leaving traits, a nightmare that had appeared in reality. The silence weighted around them until Lauren turned to Allen and Raz, blinking as her shoulders fell.

"What was he talking about?"

**XxX**

Allen kept his eyes on the others, mind running without finding a way inside itself. There was nothing accusing in the expressions of Alison or the others, but they were justifiably confused with the last words of Tyki Mikk.

Allen hesitated… He didn't want to lie, but he couldn't tell the truth… He couldn't help but to remember when he had been locked back in the Order…

"Allen can't go back to the Order." Raz's voice floated to among them in a mutter. "Apparently, the Noah think he may be useful. With information and all that…" She was a bit surprised with her own lie, though it was actually more a conjecture she had concluded than a conscious lie.

" _If only she knew…"_ Allen couldn't help but to think.

The others exchanged looks. Allen had told them a little regarding the Noah Clan and mentioned how he had fought some before, so Raz's explanation did make sense. The blades of Samuel's spear shrunk down to the handle, slowly disappearing. In the end, all that there was left of the weapon was a silver ring, which the man placed upon his finger.

"You said things weren't going well…" Elana's lower lip shivered a little, before the blonde touched it with the end of her tongue and managed to smile weakly, pain was still clear in her eyes. "I think you were being kind… Things are far _worse_ , that's what."

After she and Samuel had defeated one akuma, they had helped Alison and Lauren. The woman didn't fool herself regarding the luck they had had this night.

"We need more training…" Lauren commented as if reading her thoughts and sighed, refusing to show pain or weariness. "Are you guys okay?" Her chocolate eyes went from Allen to Raz, stopping in the wound the girl had in her arm and some of her scratches. Wrapped in white with his silvery blue metal mask hanging by his neck, it was harder to check if Allen had more severe injuries.

Raz was about to speak when she realized, for a reason beyond what she could understand, that she couldn't bear looking at them. It had nothing to do with her desire to destroy their Innocences (which by now was dulled by her exhaustion), but something that had nothing to do with instinct. It made her feel heavy inside.

The scent of their blood was clear in the air.

"He got the Innocence" She said. "Destroyed it. I'm sorry, I…".

"Hey, hey…" Samuel walked to her, almost placing a strong hand over her shoulder and gently squeezing it. "You did your best. We're just glad you're okay."

His words did not make her feel any better.

" _Did I? Was that really the best I can do?"_

Feeling a warm pressure, she realized Allen was holding her hand. Despite the touch, his and Samuel's, making her nerves shiver, the girl nodded in acceptance.

Still, inside her, nothing had changed.

"At least we're alive…" Lauren commented, trying to sound better than she felt and looking around, as if in search of the lights that didn't exist anymore. "Let's go back to the town… Take care of ourselves and have dinner…"

It wasn't as if they could do anything else.

A sensation of bitter emptiness escorted them during their path, a mist of defeat that was around and also inside them.

**XxX**

Once back in town, they discussed what they should do regarding their wounds until deciding to do what they could about them before going back to the local church. Allen still had bandages and some other stuff he had bought previously and the Exiled also had their own supplies for medical aid.

When they examined them, it seemed better to not take risks. The idea didn't please any of them, with Alison and Lauren being the most stubborn in their refusal until Samuel and Allen managed to convince them that what they had at hand wouldn't be enough.

During their conversation that afternoon, Father Jon had been very gentle and guessed that the group would venture into the woods regardless of his advices. Without any other option, he had told them what he knew, including wounds he had helped to take care of… For all they had been able to gather, nor he or the other Priest knew about the Order, for their relief.

Recalling this, they had considered it would safer to talk to him than going to the local hospital, risking questions they didn't want to answer no matter if the doctors wouldn't be able to actually force them to speak or how they could have made a story up. It was always better, in the group's opinion, to call as little attention as possible, which Allen found himself agreeing with it.

Alison still said that the Order could have sent someone already and even in lieu of the light's appearing, the person in question would seek for answers. The logical conclusion for them would be indeed that a Noah had gotten to the Innocence first, but it would rise suspicions if someone (be a doctor or one of the priests) commented about a group of travelers that had appeared requesting aid to take care of strange injuries in that same night the lights had stopped.

Kidding, Elana called her paranoid.

Without being offended, the green-eyed woman replied with some irony that being paranoid was a better option than risking any chance of falling back to the Order's radar. Lauren had laughed to this, siding with Alison. Despite Allen not being able to find the comment funny, a chuckle had agitated his body, going up his throat. While this made the thin pain in his bones refresh, it was goof and the sound seemed to expulse part of the pressure he felt inside.

In the end, they decided to clean up their wounds and cover them at least a bit before going to talk to Father Jon and ask for more help. It wasn't like they wanted a complete medical examination, they just wanted some "patching up" that they couldn't do by themselves. They had no desire of going to a hospital and the last thing they needed were infections, despite of how the Innocence tended to increase the organism's healing rate of its Accommodator.

When one of the akumas had grabbed Lauren's in its claws, the cuts on her back had opened. The one who had been fighting Samuel had slashed his chest, the diagonal cuts looking like cracks in the skin. The man hoped he wouldn't need stitches, but they all had had experiences enough with wounds to know better.

It would also be a kind of opportunity to tell Father Jon (and Father Mana if they met him) that, even though the boreal aurora of the forest wouldn't ever appear again, the monsters would probably be gone too. It should be good news… Except that there was something about the loss of the lights that went beyond the loss of the Innocence.

With that in mind, they went to the Inn, hiding the blood as they could and trying to not call attention, already used to ignore the protests of their bodies. They hadn't spent as much time in the woods as they had felt it, so they didn't think they would be bothering Father Jon… Actually, they would probably arrive at the church half an hour after the evening Mass, give or take it.

"That Noah…" Lauren started calmly, trying to not limp or move her arms too much. "You've fought him before, right, Allen?" The way the Noah had spoken didn't leave space for doubts. Though she, back in the days of being part of the Order, had heard about a Clan that obeyed the Millennium Earl, she had never ever met one of them.

" _To my luck…"_ She reflected, unable to suppress a shiver when she recalled the man's expression and the hints of what there was underneath it. " _Otherwise, I would probably be dead already…"_ And instinctively, her fingers moved against the palm of her hand, brushing against the fabric of her Innocence gloves. Fights against akumas of Level Three were not exactly new, but those of this night had been stronger than those they had came across during yesterday's afternoon.

After tonight and what Allen had told them, Lauren didn't think the training she and the others did was enough. The white-haired boy was right, things seemed to be far worse than she had ever thought.

"Yeah…" Allen replied. He supposed twice would be accurate account: The first time, they had been in the White Ark and the second, it had been moments before he was led to the Order and witnessed the waking of Alma Karma.

"He is a Noah that can control matter." He explained as they passed through the hallway of the inn. "Those butterflies he had with him are called Tease, cannibal golems created by the Earl… He… Well, he can choose what to touch or not. It doesn't matter what it is, he can even take organs out of people without needing to cut them…" It was not a sensation one could ever forget, that of someone holding your beating heart inside your body and he had to control back a shiver. "He killed Exorcists like this. And Yeegar, he…"

Alison turned to him so fast that Allen almost heard her neck cracking.

"Yeegar?" She asked in a whisper. " _Kevin Yeegar?"_

"You knew him?" Allen asked, not hiding the surprise. He remembered the kind general well and, even after so much time, the memory of his death was still a thorn in him. It didn't matter that he hadn't had the chance of knowing the man very much, the way he had been found… Thin, eyes frozen in a point ahead and yet blind, unable to do anything else but to mutter that strange song in a voice that didn't sound human anymore…

No one deserved such fate. And his smile, the light of his eyes… Were gone.

Alison was quiet and nodded. Samuel averted his gaze, his features shivering for a moment under the skin.

"I… I knew him." She confirmed in a voice Allen had never heard from her until now and didn't know how to recognize. At her side, Lauren and Elana avoided to look at anything that was not the floor. "He _died?"_

Feeling his throat closing, Allen just nodded and expected the girl to ask for details, but Alison just became silent, not saying anything else. He was partially thankful for this, as he would have hated to describe his meeting with the man just to right after explain in what state the General had been… It had been quite a time until his body had finally ceased to continue that life that it was not even a life anymore…

Uncertain of what else he could say, the boy tried.

"He was a good person…"

Alison didn't answer. Samuel let out a muttering of agreement that sounded rather empty.

Allen almost thought about asking how he and Alison knew the man, but closed his mouth upon feeling the words on his throat. So, he decided for another thing to say.

"Look, guys, if you need something… Like gauze or…"

They still discussed their next steps, soon deciding to follow with the original idea and hope for the best, as there wasn't much else to be done. None of them felt like talking much, the events of the night still too fresh in their minds.

Allen entered his room and sat in the bed with a deep sigh as he waited for Raz. Lauren had called her to her room, wanting something with her and among the silence of the wait, the boy finally allowed his mind to go through what had happened… When they had been returning from the forest, before releasing her hand, Raz had given him a look the others didn't see. He had stared at her and nodded in agreement.

He understood that sooner or later he would have to tell her all of the truth… And perhaps there was the chance he would have to tell it to the Exiled as well, if they ended up staying with the group, something Allen wasn't sure of until now. Not just about the war, the occasions of when he fought the Noah with more details but also what little he knew about the Fourteenth inside of him…

Raz remained showing no signs of being bothered with the wait, respecting his choice, but Allen doubted the girl had any idea of how big what he was hiding from her was. She probably thought it were things more related to the Order than the Noah…

" _She_ did _try to defend the Innocence. She refused to follow Tyki…"_ He reflected, remembering of how he had found them. " _Would they… No, they_ probably _will see her as a traitor after this…"_ Tyki had said he wouldn't hurt a member of the family, but Allen wasn't going to rely all his faith in this. It was true that if he wished to do so, Tyki _could_ have hurt them both far more seriously. Raz would have left the woods with more than light bites from Teases and the bruise Allen had seen in formation in her pale flesh, from the wrist almost to the elbow.

Yet…

The fact Tyki hadn't tried to drag them with him by force was more a cause for worry than of relief. The Noah Clan never did things without reason…

Surely they (except the Earl, considering words Allen had heard from the man himself) should hate Neah for what he had done… In the occasions he had seen them together, the Noah had given the impression of being very close, so Allen didn't think betrayals were common or forgiven. If anything, the way they acted was as if this action was unthinkable.

Neah…

Mana…

_"Neah fought for Mana"_ Road had said.

Just what had happened thirty-five years ago?

A shadow of an idea haunted his mind once more. Cross had known Neah… He remembered someone who knew Cross and… Maybe knew something too. And if it wasn't the case, it was at least a place he and Raz could go for a while. Better than to roam around without any idea of their next step…

" _This isn't the only thing you should be investigating… What about you? Where did Allen Walker came?"_ A small voice whispered in his mind, making his stomach turn. He couldn't deny this had been in mind ever since finding he was a host for the Fourteenth. Had it always been like this or had _something_ happened?

No, one thing at a time. He needed to keep his mind clear. One misstep and he could create a trap for himself.

There was also Raz to consider. Allen hadn't been sure that the other Noah knew that she was with him and now, he could only imagine their reactions once they learnt of all that had transpired. And he had no idea of what was going through her mind after her first meeting with someone of the Clan, either.

How would he be feeling in her shoes?

The door opened with suavity and Raz entered, closing it behind her. In one of her hands, she had a blue tube of cream, squeezed until its middle. She showed it when seeing he was looking.

"Lauren told me this is great for muscle pains and bruises." She sat in the other bed, opening the tube and pressing, the white cream accumulating in her fingers before she gave it to Allen. Silently, she started to rub her hurt arm.

The boy did the same with his bruises that he knew were starting to take shape. He hadn't many cuts, most of them were superficial enough (for him), as the Crown Clown's cape was excellent for defense. It was his bones that hurt and the impact of some attacks wouldn't be forgotten so early. The left side of his body was an island of pain even now.

Rubbing the cream in mechanical moves, Raz also had her mind the events of that night, feeling too tired to force her mind into one path of thought or to find some firm ground to start thinking. The words were waves that repeated in her along with images and sounds, with little to no clear meaning to be taken from them.

The other Noah, Tyki Mikk, had spoken about taking her and Allen " _home"._ The word in itself had no meaning for her, besides the literal: Whatever the place he and the other members of the Clan were, but there was no emotional sense to it… It was just letters making a sound, as empty as the idea of a _past_ before the night she had woken up.

She didn't want to think about it, either.

And why the Noah had spoken to Allen in that same manner? It was as if whatever the Clan wanted with him was somehow more personal than mere information about the Order, which had been her first conclusion at first. It didn't make sense… With the Order or not, he was still compatible with Innocence.

Yet Tyki had spoken of taking both of them home.

In a way or another, as complicated as it had been in the forest, with two desires so opposite as black and white tearing her essence in different directions, she was relieved for having kept control over her instinct.

She _didn't_ want to go with that man…

The Earl and the others had the answers for the questions that stared at her from the mirror and Raz knew it. Everything that she wanted to know had been within her reach, but the girl didn't feel it was worth leaving Allen for them… He had called her " _friend_ " and it was when she had seen him fighting and later, standing between Tyki Mikk and the Innocence, that Raz had realized the how mutual the feeling was.

She would find out who she was. She would search for that which she had forgotten.

But those answers wouldn't have much of a value if she left a friend for them.

Raz wasn't sure this was the right choice or the more reasonable, however she decided she couldn't be bothered. Tyki had said that it was alright to destroy the Innocence, that was what Noahs did and what she had desired to do. Well, he might have been right, but she _also_ wanted to keep traveling with Allen.

_"It will be so much more_ fun _when you two finally realize you have no place in this world other than with us."_

Was it true? Wasn't there place, in the whole world, for them except with the Clan?

Allen was an Exorcist. She was a Noah.

Her knowledge of the world was indeed near to zero and life as she knew it had started when she had woken up with nothing but her own name… However, somehow, she didn't think she or Allen or any of the Exiled could have what others would call "normal" life…

Perhaps there was nothing for them anywhere. Perhaps there was nothing for anyone anywhere.

The thought only increased the weight inside her. What about her? She barely knew or understood who she was. There was no safety in her own existence. Maybe she was just a dry leaf, which would have been taken by the wind in direction of forgetfulness already, if not for the wrapper of flesh that involved her.

Did she _exist?_

Raz remembered what she had read in the Bible, of how Noah and his family had been chosen by God to be saved and to save others from the Deluge, starting humanity anew… If that was true (possible metaphors aside, he had been chosen anyway), then why in that Holy War (this was almost a joke, a war being holy) the Noah Clan was making akumas and fighting against Exorcist to exterminate humanity?

It didn't make any sense…

The train of thought led her once again back to the idea of religion… And she wondered why there were so many different religions, but perhaps the answer was more between the lines of what Father Mana had told her before. Maybe those were different ways of believing in the same "thing"…? Last night, Allen had told her about what he knew, including rituals he had seen during his trips, not only Catholics. In the end, they all seemed to have the same objective: To teach others to be kind, to have respect for others…

If that was how it was in the end, each person could choose the way they felt more comfortable to talk to God? Was that it?

Raz shook her head. That was assuming God _existed…_

Sitting in his bed, Allen leaned his foot on the mattress, lifting the end of his pants up to his knee, rubbing the cream against his flesh. The pressure created a wave of ache that he ignored.

He had been through worse.

He thought about Alison and Samuel… Even knowing that they all had been members of the Order someday, he hadn't actually thought how they might have met people he knew (Cross was another matter, he travelled so much that some members of the Order had thought him dead until Allen had joined the Organization). Maybe someday he could ask them about General Yeegar…

A smile appeared in his face as he remembered Samuel speaking about Cross.

" _What Master would say about everything of those last weeks?"_ Allen almost laughed, imagining that the man would probably limit himself to stare at him, call him a "stupid disciple" and ask for a bottle of wine. Maybe he would call him such _two_ times for helping Raz…

" _But the Master knew Neah, at least a bit… Maybe even Mana…"_ In fact, Cross had been the one who had given him at least _some_ information. At this point, Allen couldn't deny that the Master had been _honest_ with him, in what he had said.

Like he had been when revealing his state as a host of the Fourteenth.

" _What if I told you that, when you become the Fourteenth, you'll kill someone you love?"_

Allen controlled himself to not shake his head, ignoring the sensation that he always had when remembering those words.

No.

That was _not_ going to happen.

He had already decided that he would _kill_ himself if he started to lose control.

At least he hadn't been more wounded and neither he or Raz had been dragged to the Black Ark, which was their luck. The idea Allen had had in the train came back stronger.

"Raz…" He muttered, aware that this could be dangerous for many reasons, but no longer caring. "Listen, what do you think about training together?"

The girl raised her eyes to him, inexpressive.

Training whatever those shadows actually were should be for the best _…_ But an Exorcist and a Noah training together? It sounded weird even to _her_ , a creature still outside the full context of that situation.

Allen saw her hesitation flashing in her eyes, a fish coming to the surface of a lake for a second, before going back to the depths where it lived, so quickly it could be a reflection of the moonlight.

"Oh, c'mon, we can _try,_ don't you think?" He insisted. "Raz, you will just learn to control it by getting used to it…"

Raz couldn't avoid being scared… The memory of what happened in the train was too alive and clashed with the frustration she had had when trying to defend herself and the Innocence from the other Noah.

But she didn't know what those shadows _did_. What if she was unable to stop? The possibility, plus the murdering desire she had felt in the alley and when she had held the Innocence were enough to cause her to worry, her flesh becoming rigid as if the shadows were inside her and Raz needed to focus all the time to keep them at bay.

Both sensations were hateful and she couldn't avoid either.

" _Learn how to do it. What good is to feel useless and do nothing to change it?"_

"What if I can't keep control?" She had quietly, staring at him. "What if I hurt you?"

A part of her was not sure she would have been able. Allen had managed to hold his own against Tyki Mikk and knew herself to not be at his level.

But if she lost control…

To her surprise, Allen gave a sweet laugh.

In the end, they did share some worries before the same idea, after all. It was somehow funny… He hadn't spoken of this before for this same detail. All the fights he had had with the Noahs passed by his mind. And now, here he was offering to help a Noah to train and _she_ was hesitating due to the risk of hurting him.

The Earl would have a seizure if he heard that, Allen guessed. And no one in the Order would believe it if he told them. Standing and placing a hand on her shoulder, he smiled.

"We'll go easy. Maybe by training, you can start to remember how to control this and then we can find out how you can use it…" The risks were still the same, however it was something he _wanted_ to do.

Raz seemed to think about it… And nodded.

"Very well. Let's do this."

**XxX**

Father Jon and Father Mana were not upset to examine their wounds, but they didn't approve the fact they _had_ gone to the forest anyway. Not having contact with the Order, none of them had knowledge of akumas or Innocence, which made their wounds all the worse for them, Allen imagined.

"You were very irresponsible." Father Jon said softly, shaking his head. He was older then Father Mana, his hair seemed to have been a dark brown someday and now was a breath of color, with most of the strands as white as Allen's. "You could have gotten more hurt or even killed."

His eyes, behind his glasses of black rims, examined the wounds in Samuel's chest. Even after cleaning the flesh, when the man had taken off the provisory bandage, the wound still looked as deep as when it had been made.

"I don't know _what_ did this, but it doesn't seem to have left fragments in the flesh..." He commented to himself, inspecting it for pieces of weapon or animal's claws. "It needs stitches, though."

The corners of Samuel's mouth twisted as if he had bitten something sour and he averted his eyes when the priest turned to the table where there were some medical utensils. Elana, sitting at his side, paid attention. Between trainings, it was frequent for the Order to offer Finders and Exorcists alike information and "classes" about medical procedures in case they got hurt in missions and had no way of going to a doctor, what was useful. She had attended some of those, but even now Elana thought it better to take the chances to learn more when the opportunity presented itself, even if just by watching.

And she didn't have much experience with stitches.

Before finding out she was compatible with the Innocence that would become her fan, she had dreamt of being a doctor… Such felt like a lifetime ago.

Father Mana was finishing examining Lauren. Alison had excused herself after they had closed the wound on her shoulder (it had been for little she hadn't needed the same procedure as Samuel) and left the room. According to Father Mana, just like Allen's leg would probably be in pain for weeks, so would her back and ribs.

Lauren didn't think it would be for that long, though.

"I do not know why you felt the need to do this." Father Mana said in reprimand, leaving with Lauren from behind a folding screen that was commonly used in the secretary to pin notes and news about the mass and that he had used it so Lauren and Alison didn't feel exposed (something not as necessary as he thought, since there had been many times the Exiled had took care of each other's wounds). "But at least it wasn't worse…"

"Things now will probably get better…" Allen told them. "The creatures should go away now…" At least this was what he hoped for, certainly the Earl knew he and Raz wouldn't stay in the city after being found out by Tyki. And without the Innocence here, there would be no reason to send more akumas, right?

Father Mana still looked at him gravely before sighing and giving him a small smile.

"I don't know if you're brave or crazy, young man." When they had arrived and met him, Father Mana had greeted Raz, commenting how they had talked for some minutes during the afternoon while the others spoke to Father Jon.

"A bit of both, I guess…" Samuel replied, still not looking as Father Jon stitched his cut. The old fingers moved with skill and care of someone used to what they are doing.

"The lights won't appear anymore either…" Lauren completed. This had made her more upset than what she was going to admit, at least to those not from the group. It might sound foolish, she knew. It wasn't as if they lived there and had gotten used to seeing the northern lights-like in the woods. There was no way the Innocence would be there forever, anyway. If not this night, then at some other. Eventually, the Noah would have gotten it, or then it would be someone of the Order…

In the end, those lights had no chance of lasting forever.

Father Mana looked from Allen to her. Father Jon, finished with Samuel, stood and approached her in slow steps as the other man dressed a clean shirt.

"Depends of how you see it, young lady…" He said. "What we saw every night was a wonder that was there since long before. I always saw those lights as a manifestation of the forest itself, a creation of God. Just because we can no longer see it, doesn't mean it is not there. While that forest exists, those lights will exist too."

He remained quiet, old eyes in young ones.

"At least, this is what I believe in." He chuckled. "Perhaps I'm getting poetic in my age…"

Lauren didn't think that was it and while the man had no idea of the Innocence, his words did make her feel better. Maybe he was right and just because they could no longer see the lights, it didn't mean they were actually extinct. Perhaps there was something bigger than the Innocence at play in what they had seen, in the life there was there… And as beautiful as that had been, it was at least nice to know it wouldn't attract more akumas. People wouldn't be hurt anymore…

She thought about ways of replying and didn't find any in words, limiting herself to a smile.

They still talked for a while more and, to Allen and the other's relief, the two older men seemed to feel how they didn't want to speak about who they were and what they had done and respected this desire. Samuel had found people like them in the travels, as he had met others who had suffocated him with questions and stared at him with distrust before his refusal, evasive answers or lies, as if they could sense there was something wrong.

" _The good of traveling so much like we do."_ He had commented years ago with Elana. " _Is that we don't stay too much in the same place, so you learn to not mind what people think about you."_

Upon seeing them, Alison Rouwen, who had been sitting in one of the church's benches, stood and came to them, once more thanking the priests for their attention and help, followed by the others. Father Mana smiled and waved his hand.

"It was nothing, really. This is what we're here for." He said, dismissing the thank-you. "Doctor Marcoh studied with me. Oh, he always jokes about opening his clinic at the church's side and so we work together."

At some point of his chuckle, his gaze became serious as he studied the group. For some seconds, they could only look at each other.

"I know you're just passing by. I don't know what you're searching for, but I hope you'll find it."

At his side, Father Jon closed his eyes with a sigh, shaking his head without taking his old eyes from them.

"We know not the burden you carry… But even if I wasn't a priest, I would see that it is heavy…" He looked at them with deep eyes. "But I do believe you have strength. You won't be carrying this alone… We shall pray for you all."

As they said their goodbyes and turned to leave, deciding to have a well-deserved dinner and discuss their next step (leaving town next morning if possible, no matter where to, seemed the best thing to do in Allen's opinion), Father Mana looked at Raz.

"I hope things will be alright."

"So do I…" She muttered, completely uncertain of how to say what she wanted. In the end, she settled for something that while not enough, was at least simple. "I hope things will be fine around here, too…"

She rushed to follow the others towards the exit. The air beyond the doors was marked by the scent of grass, and the flowers planted in front of the church. The night felt longer than it had the right to be… Raz hesitated at the stairs and looked back.

Her eyes landed on the statue of Jesus…

He who had become a mortal man, leaving His divine condition to die in that way simply out of love. Love for each one of them, the ones who had died since long ago, the ones who lived in His time and those who would be born even ages after His sacrifice…

A God who died for the sake of his creations. Out of love for them…

" _Does that mean He died for me as well?"_

She didn't know… She didn't know what she could trust or not.

_"Love thy neighbor like thyself"_ She had read Jesus had said this was the most important commandment, along with " _Love thy God above all things"…_ It made sense. After all, if you chose to believe in God, the Creator that in prayers was called " _Father",_ shouldn't you love Him above all else?

From where she was, she could see the wounds of the crown of thorns. The blood down his hands and feet. The gash on the side of his body. He had been lashed, this God. He had been lashed, humiliated and endured it all by love alone…

The Noah girl changed her weight from a foot to another, black strands of hair falling over her eyes, uncertain about the right way of doing what she had in mind.

" _I… I'm still not sure about a lot of things…"_ She reflected awkwardly, eyes fixated on the altar and wondering if it was like this people prayed or talked. " _And I'm afraid…"_

Though she had admitted this, it had been in an emotional level that didn't need words. It was different from now.

" _Afraid of what I am, of what I don't remember, of what I don't know… But I still_ want _to know the truth…"_ A sigh got caught in her throat, tangled in her flesh as this was also another thing that scared her. " _Not just about all those things, but to know about everything that truly happened…"_

She ran her eyes through the church. The saints portrayed in colored glasses in the windows, the angels… From where she was, she couldn't see, but she knew the statues of Mary and Joseph were there in the corners ahead…

And her gaze once more went to Jesus in the cross. Something inside her became firmer and what was supposed to be a thought became a whisper. If there was someone who could understand her, better than herself…

"I think that… If there is a God for me to follow… I _want_ him to be you."

* * *

 

**Ana: I guess that was a close one for you guys.**

**Tyki: Are you FREAKING kidding me? I had they cornered, right there, and I didn't take them? WHAT?**

**Ana: With the chance of Apocryphos coming out of his hiding to get to Allen and his Noah genes changing him with time, especially after Kanda's attack… And your natural sadism…**

**Tyki: I should have brought them back even if I had to break their legs for this!**

**Raz: Wow, what a loving family I see I have…**

**Allen: And they still wonder why I DON'T want to join them?**

**Earl: Well, while the thought of them coming to me out of their own free will is pleasant, I must side with Tyki-pon. What were you thinking? Wisely?**

**Wisely: I'm not looking into _her_ mind! Every time I try it, I get a headaches and visions of Hell!**

**Ana: … Honestly, I'm not sure if this is an offense or a compliment…**

**Wisely: See?**

**Alison: Excuse me, can we go back to the story?**

**Ana: Just a little time has passed by, so it is still too early for some things, such as Allen telling the truth to everyone (Including Raz), but give it time.**

**Kanda: Out of the way! – _Pushes others –_ Can you tell me where am I in this mess?**

**Ana: In Mattel, for all I know, mourning Alma's death and figuring out what you'll do. Hey, in the manga it took you three months more or less to go back to the Order, my guess is that this place is quite far…**


	10. Act Ten – Goodbye, Not a Farewell

_"A song can take you back instantly to a moment or a place or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment" –_ Sarah Dessen _._

A family dinner is a scene that could go between extremes of coldness and warmth. People talking or just "exchanging words", sounds that can go from voices to the icy noise of cutlery among the silence. An atmosphere that has the capacity to involve and suffocate, slowly turning the air colder until the lungs will hurt.

Someone who, by chance, saw the family in question, would have felt a pleasant atmosphere, heard conversation and laughter and would probably smile at it.

One wouldn't have seen murderers. Wouldn't have seen a threat to the existence of all humanity.

Wouldn't have seen why those who knew them frequently referred to them as _monsters._

Maybe a person with higher sensibility to what hid between lines and sensations slithering in the air, as a peculiar radio wave would have _some_ chance of feeling something what would warn his/her soul and trigger a response in the nerves. But it would be due to instincts reacting before a threat that could only be felt… For no matter what they were, the essence of the scene was still this: A pleasant family dinner.

To the Noah, those were more common than lunches, once during the day they frequently were in different towns and missions, even with having the Black Ark as the most efficient way of transportation. And there were those among them who still enjoyed traveling by feet or train from time to time when returning from whatever mission they had agreed to.

Jasdero and Devit babbled cheerfully between them, sometimes (trying to) provoking others with comments. Maashima and Tyki Mikk discussed a book the latter had read at the suggestion of the first. Fiidora and Sheril reported to the Earl, who was sitting at the head of the table, his rightful place as family leader, about the last hours they had spent torturing the redheaded Exorcist (if to take information out of Bookman or to satisfy their hatred for Exorcists in general, it was hard to tell).

Wisely, Toraido and Lullubell were absent due to obligations. And the chair near the Earl, where Road usually sat, was just as empty.

With his mental power, Wisely had managed to go through the particular "dream" dimension she weaved for herself, feeling her state of recovery. What he had managed to get hadn't been more or less than what the others felt in their own blood: Road was alive, but the impact of Apocryphos had run through her whole organism as a destructive lightening that had found its way to her _essence_.

She was out of critical risk, but it would take time until she returned.

There was no surprise in _this,_ however once he heard it, Sheril had almost lost all self control before the idea of his "daughter" getting hurt to this point, once regular attacks of Innocence weren't able to reach her (as Allen Walker had learned by first-hand experience in the Rewinding Town). The others had not accepted it without care or fury of their own, but they were better in controlling themselves in this regard than the Noah of Desire.

If inquired about the reason for these reactions, the Noahs would have been surprised by a question they would consider moronic. The answer could have ramifications, but it would be just one: They were a family.

The last time Road had been in such position had been a long time ago.

And the cause hadn't been any Innocence.

"He didn't talk much…" Fiidora was telling the Earl calmly, cutting a piece of beef. "And he didn't actually say anything that _useful."_ Between him and the Earl, Sheryl chewed in silence with head held high as the noble he was. Those who knew him could notice the smallest details of his actual mood the same way one could notice the signs that predict a climatic change.

There was a storm inside of him.

"Bookman is not a fool." The Earl replied in the same tone, lacking the usual cheerfulness in favor of the calculative air of a predator. "I told you he would be careful with his own words. No doubt for now he will just say what he thinks we'll consider enough to keep him alive without causing much damage to the Order."

"I do wonder why." Fiidora grumbled, ignoring when Jasdero started to laugh of something Devit just said. "It isn't as if he is _truly_ loyal to the Order and he can't risk losing the brat." He was sure Bookman's motivations had no justification as noble as sympathy or regard for another life, but rather the simple fact that he was too old to afford the luxury of losing an apprentice and go through the work of finding another and restart the training (if he survived and managed to escape, to begin with).

"Perhaps he is quite afraid of turning into a Fallen One." The Earl suggested to which Sheryl smiled lightly at the idea. No doubt it would be a pleasant sight and an interesting punishment. The chances were high (for what they knew of the Fallen procedure) since he, Bookman or not, loyal to the Order or not, was compatible with Innocence all the same and was subjugated to the same risks other Exorcists such as Suman Dark (and the old bastard knew that very well). The Earl also knew that the others were interrogating him not only regarding the Order but also the Fourteenth, something he allowed once he didn't like to speak about it… At least not yet.

Besides, Bookman could have information about Neah that even _he_ didn't know about, who knew?

The old man confessed that Cross was the one who had told Allen Walker about Neah and his state as host, something the Earl hadn't imagined possible even if it made the most sense. He had had suspicions that Cross had known Neah better than he had thought (so much the patriarch had once considered the red-haired to be the one to whom Neah had left the legacy of "Player" of the Ark), but for Cross to know even what Allen Walker truly was…

Golden eyes hidden behind glasses went through the others. Maashima talked about a part of the book with Tyki, whose glass still had a bit of wine near an empty plate. The Noah of Pleasure didn't have quite a demanding and picky palate as his brother, but knew how to appreciate a better food like anyone else. Maashima shook his head with a smile as he commented about the choices made by a particular character and what had pushed him to it (apparently, he considered whatever it was the best decision in the situation).

"It would be better if Wisely just broke his mind." Sheryl sighed with a cold smile, despite knowing the uselessness of the idea _._ Bookman had been trained to protect the information he had in several ways and this included methods a normal person usually was unaware of. Wisely could dissect his mind in search of what they wanted and there was still the risk that his abilities would leave the old man's mind in an unrecoverable state without getting what they wanted to know.

It was a too risky procedure, so they had left it aside.

_For now._

"But he can't go on like this for long" Fiidora intervened, turning to the other. "Not with my worms inside that brat of his."

The Earl nodded to both as an akuma took away his plate and replaced it for a large glass cup of ice cream, serving it to the others as well. Jasdero attacked his without hesitation and only Maashima opted rather for a piece of cake instead, not being a fan of cold food.

"Give it time, the successor won't be able to stand it anymore, neither will him. Bookman knows this." The Earl carried on. "Patience is needed, allow him go through his options and say what he considers harmless. In the end it won't help him." There were ways and ways of winning someone's resistance depending on the personality and circumstances. In some cases, a direct and violent approach, in others subtlety and well-placed words against the psyche…

Knowing the value of the information he could provide, an ultimatum with a death threat wouldn't work (at least not verbally and neither so soon, even if it had been weeks since they were there). The best way to weaken Bookman and his apprentice was to, little by little, leave the threat of pain and death to take roots inside them along with Fiidora's worms.

With the time passing, Bookman would realize that he was running out of what he considered "information safe to tell" and that he and his pet pupil wouldn't be able to hold on the torture of the Noah for much longer (though what Bookman truly feared, they knew, was the loss of all the valuable knowledge he had gained through years and his "successor", not the loss of " _Lavi_ ". After all, there wouldn't be registers of the history of that war if they were dead).

Those threats, never spoken out loud and rather felt, would grow seeds inside them and there would be a moment when Bookman wouldn't have a choice besides telling what the Noah wanted to know.

Patience and time, with a dosage of pain. Simple, but efficient.

Sheryl shrugged, still with a small smile. He was fully aware of all this, even though the old man's resistance annoyed his desire for immediate information.

The conversation took another path, about a party hosted by a politician in another town some days ago, which they had attended. Hearing this, Devit giggled, happy he hadn't gone there while Sheryl shivered with the idea of the twins in an environment of that nature. Devit and his brother caught this reaction and demanded to know what it meant.

At the end of the dinner, Sheryl and Tyki were the first to stand.

"Going already?" Maashima asked. The brothers nodded. When they stood near each other, it was easier to see similarities in their features.

"Yeah, we better get going." Tyki replied nonchalantly, running his hand through his hair. Even though Road had liked it so much and he was getting used to it, he was seriously thinking about cutting it nonetheless. At his side, Sheryl smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm excited~! It's always so nice to spend time with my dear, sweet brother!"

"Stop that…" Tyki pushed his hand away, rolling eyes and ignoring the mocking grin of Jasdero. "You're giving me goosebumps again."

The Earl looked at them with a gleam that was hard to interpret.

"You both know what to do. No more and no less." He told them in a soft tone that had a gentle warning quite similar to a father remembering his children to behave in a store before he waved. "So, good luck! Come back safely~!"

**XxX**

"Welcome back!" Reever said, approaching the two Exorcists who nodded and greeted back. Behind him, the portal of the Ark created a light that involved their bodies in a white halo, creating a contrast with the black clothing.

Krory hid his hand in one of his pockets, taking out a small object. Reever saw his fingers were stained by dried blood, cracking in some points as an old glove.

"It was a close call, but we did it." He muttered as Lenalee, at his side, just looked at the Innocence. Though they were of different groups (he, from Sokalo Unit and she from Klaud's), there were times when the members of different units would leave in missions together, due to the few ones that remained. Krory and Lenalee were friends and worked well together, which was a fact in their favor.

While the three of them walked towards the wing where Hevlaska stayed, someone saw them pass by and opened her way among people who went in the opposite direction.

"Krory! Lenalee!" Miranda's dark hair was a wave in her back. "Welcome back, okaerinasai!" The young woman still managed a smile of sorts. "How are you guys?"

"A bit hurt, but fine otherwise." Krory told her and hesitated for a second. It was always necessary to tell every detail about their missions so the Department could try having a notion of the progress of Noah and Akuma alike and how to counter-attack. "We found two akuma level Three and a Noah."

Reever turned at them at once, having not yet heard the report of their mission. Miranda became very quiet.

"Which one?" She asked in a whisper. The only Noahs she had personally seen besides Road had been the woman with a ponytail who had invaded the Order last time and a guy with messy hair she had seen in Russia, who had kept them there along with the Noah twins. Reever's eyes went from Krory to Lenalee, but the girl remained in silence.

"That guy with black, messy hair, and a sword." The vampire Exorcist told. It had been the same young man they had seen in Russia. "I think his name is Toraido, if I understood correctly" He knew what both expected and shook his head. "He didn't say anything about him."

"Do you think…"

"No. If they were with him, he would have said so. It would be quite a blow to us." Krory replied aware that if he said Allen's name, quite some people around would turn their heads and soon, he would bet anything, Levelier would want him and Lenalee to respond to more questions that it was usual when they gave reports of their missions.

Krory didn't feel at all like putting up with Levelier. That one time had been quite enough already.

In her silence, Lenalee relived again the fight of hours ago. Aware that they couldn't stand against a Noah for long without being severely hurt, they had decided to get the Innocence as fast as they could and run back to the Ark's portal.

They recalled far too well the fights in the White Ark and how, during the attack to the Order in Alma Karma's case, the Noah had just fought them to prevent them from getting back to help, leaving at once when apparently being informed by Earl somehow that it was enough.

Every time they thought about it, they were forced to recognize that, directly, they had rarely won a fight against the Noah.

It wasn't a comforting thought.

" _How can we win this war?"_ Krory reflected, for as much as they fought, as much as they trained, it felt as an unending spiral under the illusion of progress.

Lenalee had fought akumas at Krory's side, trying to prevent them from getting the Innocence and seeking to escape Toraido's attack. The sword in his hand was different from Allen's and the Earl's, but not less dangerous. The blade seemed to shiver somehow and when the Noah waved it, it created a pressure in the air that lunged with a fury able to tear bodies apart inside out.

It was the first time they faced the Noah of Judgment like that.

Without saying a word, Toraido attacked while Lenalee tried to avoid him. The environment around heated up with the fight and even with the Dark Boots in their new form, she couldn't avoid the feeling (or the mental image) that she was somehow melting inside and wouldn't be able to stand it if she stopped avoiding him. Nearby, Krory attacked the akuma, who had laughed and provoked, asking if the Noah Master would let them tear apart the bodies of the Exorcists after they were done torturing them.

Among a storm of heat and wind, Lenalee tried to interrogate the Noah, to find out if he knew something about Allen and what they were doing to Lavi and Bookman. The Noah male had just stared at her with eyes of golden ice.

At a moment, Lenalee almost managed to kick him, but Toraido hit with the sword and a wave of cutting heat attacked her body to devour flesh. The girl gained the skies, escaping. The impact of Toraido's sword opened a cut in her thigh and blood was freed.

Lenalee ignored it, still trying to inquire him until she attacked, aiming a kick in his head.

Toraido turned a second before the impact, grabbing her ankle, the fingers of iron crushing the bone.

" _Do_ shut up." He hissed in a cold voice that dissipated all others sensations. Without waiting for answers, he threw her in the opposite direction. Lenalee managed to find balance in the air, but it was filled by unseen flames and a storm caught her by surprise. A wound appeared in her arm when the wind itself cut her.

Face empty of all emotion unless traits of deep boredom, Toraido kept attacking.

"Do you actually believe I have the duty of telling you whatever it is?" He asked in a controlled and tedious tone, not even panting despite being in constant movement. Lenalee growled, defending herself. A ray of pain ran over her body and she bit her lower lip.

" _Allen… Lavi… Bookman…"_ It was all because of them, those Noah.

"You should open your eyes." The Noah went on, never altering his expression. An explosion behind them told Lenalee that Krory had probably defeated one of the akumas. Toraido didn't seem to mind it. "You're an Exorcist, the host of the Fourteenth is fated to become a Noah. Why do you pretend to care for him?"

The boy would be a Noah whether his conscious was erased by Neah or if he managed to survive it.

"Pretend? How dare you…" Lenalee started, being cut by him as he attacked.

"He was in a dungeon when Joyd and Road found him." He recalled, reporting the fact with simplicity. "The Order already sees him as an enemy. He has nothing to do with you any longer."

Lenalee felt as if the words had cut her more than his sword ever could. She had opened her mouth to protest, but Toraido, completely uninterested in a debate, had just told her to be quiet and attacked again.

Somehow, they had escaped alive and with the Innocence. She knew she would have to tell the details when giving her report, but also knew pieces of that memory would become blurred, just enough to remain in the back of the brain, something she was sincerely grateful for. Lenalee wouldn't be able to sleep again if she wasn't able to bury at least some moments of the fights. Still, the Noah's words had left marks and she knew Krory had heard them as well, with his heightened senses of vampire.

She held her elbows, ignoring the echo in her brain. No, she had to believe in Allen, she had to believe in him… Just because he carried memories of a Noah, it didn't mean anything, right? Allen would never change, nothing would ever change, she _knew_ it.

" _But why did he leave?"_ The question slithered in her mind, a snake spreading poison. " _He knew that if he left, we would have to fight someday."_ He could have come back, certainly together they could have explained what had happened and the Order would have understood. After all, it was the logic, right? If the Noah were after him, wasn't it obvious that at some moment they would try taking him by force?

If at least she could find him, she was sure she could explain to him that he _needed_ to come back and explain things calmly. His return by free will would help to prove that he was not at the Noah's side. The longer he stayed away, more people would start to doubt his loyalty!

Allen needed to come back.

" _He has nothing to do with you any longer"_ Toraido had said.

No, he didn't know a thing about Allen. He was not an enemy and she wouldn't fight him.

The girl took a deep breath with care so no one would notice it. And Lavi… Lavi was still there with the Noah…

"Hey, guys!" A member of the Science Department called as they passed by holding the Innocence. Panting, the woman leaned her hands on her knees, strands of red hair falling over her face. "Thought you guys should know!"

She lifted her face to them.

"Chaozii woke up!"

**XxX**

"Help me turn this a little, alright?" Elana asked while lifting a side of a long oak table with carved legs. Raz picked the other side and they carried it together, turning it to a corner in the wall so Elana could roll the rug on the floor. It a corner in the living room, there was a bucket and a rag to clean it.

On the day after fighting for the Innocence, the Exiled, Allen and Raz had left the town in a train to a location chosen at random, not wanting to risk wasting any time. Two days following their arrival, after wandering around, Elana and Raz had managed to convince an old man to hire them to clean his house as long as they stayed in town. Lauren and Alison were still searching for something to do, with not much success until now.

Samuel and Allen were at the train station, where they had got a job helping men loading boxes and baggage in the trains. The night when they had been hired, Samuel had told the rest of the group how some workers had expressed doubt that Allen would be able to endure the heavy cargo, which was not hard to see why: When standing close to a bear of a man such as Samuel, Allen looked even smaller and thinner. Those doubts had lasted until the boy had proved them wrong by carrying a huge box made of heavy wood. According to Samuel, some of the men's surprised faces had been worth seeing.

Preferring to get as much money as possible, for the eventually of a future emergency, Allen had still hit some bars after dinner, earning a reasonable amount of money, careful to not stay long enough for people to remember his face.

Once they called it a day, Allen and Raz would leave to an empty park, where they could train. Perhaps using an open area like that was not the best idea considering how they wanted to call as little attention as possible, but they had no other options. He wasn't activating his Exorcist Sword for now, despite Raz's initials protests. At first, he had settled for teaching her basic moves without any use of their abilities and only recently had considering using Crown Clown, still in the shape of his arm.

It hadn't been easy at first.

Raz hadn't showed initially, but Allen soon realized she was afraid. Afraid of the unknown sensations that moved in her organs. He could be ignorant in the matters of how such things worked with the Noah, but didn't think it should be quite unexpected. And it should be complicated to learn something that should come as natural and didn't. It was the same as teaching someone how to breathe… Watching her and the way the shadows moved when she breathed life into them, Allen couldn't help but to think that having something like that inside oneself could feel like it would take a crack to make everything escape and run around in a gleeful fury.

Due to this, control could elude her in a way it didn't for Allen and his Innocence.

Seeing this, Allen had decided to divide the training in two parts: Raz practiced, invoking shadows and experimenting what she could do with them and until what point they bended to her will. It was not only a way to make her recall, even if subconsciously, her ability. It was also a way of getting her used to it. Allen remembered the first time his Innocence had activated… How it had frightened him and how it had taken him time to get the hang of it.

She would practice at any given chances. Timcampy at times would fly closer to her, twitching his golden tail as if curious to what she was doing.

They would then train fighting without using either of their abilities, with Allen teaching her attacks and defensive moves.

She was starting to learn how solidify shadows more easily, yet there were several times when, while trying to use them along with some move Allen had taught her, her control would slip and they would return to being a black mist. Her agility and reflexes were improving, almost as if her body was recovering memories of what it had known, regardless of her mind having forgotten it.

But there was still something else besides this that made Raz almost certain that her memories still existed, somewhere deep inside her: Her dreams.

It wasn't always, but there were times when images assaulted her sleep, that Raz was sure had something to do with her past, not that she had been able to recall them exactly or find a meaning in them. One night, Raz had woken up from what had been a storm of shadows and sounds, images and figures that had ran to the depths of her mind without her being able to bring separate one from another clearly enough to decipher them. Only their vague shapes could be noticed, like cruel children, laughing at her.

It had to have been a nightmare, for her body shivered without her control, a dry scream suffocating her throat, her eyes hurting as they blinked to drink the reality around, confirming she was safe… Raz had wanted to cry, she knew it, but didn't know why and her tears couldn't come anymore, useless as they would have been. So, Raz had limited herself in risking making a few shadows move in the walls, only to distract herself until she could wrap herself in the covers and try to sleep again.

She did wonder what kind of memory this had been.

"Ra-az?" Elana snapped her fingers in front of her, making the girl blink as she was shaken from her thoughts. "You went on flying and left me here alone."

Raz waved in apology.

"Sorry, I had my mind elsewhere." To this, Elana nodded in understanding before carrying on.

"Well, would you rather pass the rag in the floor or clean up the shelves?" At another side of the room, there were three shelves close to the wall, with old-looking books, small sculptures and boxes richly worked, one in Arabic style. The old man who had hired them lived alone since the death of his wife years ago. They had assumed she had been the woman in the photos, who was always smiling.

"I'll take the shelves." She decided, picking a rag and continuing the cleaning as Elana used another one to clean the floor, using something that left a nice smell in the air.

"How much longer do you think we'll be staying here?" Elana asked and Raz shrugged in a sign she didn't know. "I mean, I like it and it is nice…" She would receive no disagreements from Raz about this point. "But I'm not used to stay in one place for more than a couple of weeks."

Raz could understand this quite well. They had been here for a while as it was. Their wounds had completely healed by now, which Allen had commented to be more due to their own healing rate rather due to them looking worse than they actually were. He could already walk without any pain and the bruises in Lauren's body, for what she had told them when asked about it, were fading.

As Elana had said, the place was nice enough and they were making some money. Raz, not being used to it, wasn't sure of how many weeks were considered time enough.

"Alison told you guys once spent almost a month somewhere in Wales…?"

"Oh, we did." The blonde chuckled softly, placing a strand of hair behind her ear. "It was fun, actually, the owner of a hotel allowed us to stay in exchange of helping with the rooms. But then one day we saw a Finder who knew Lauren, so we decided to leave. It was better than to take the risk of bumping into him, the Order would know at once that she was alive…" She shook her head while telling it.

This made Raz thoughtful. She and Allen had their reasons for not wanting to remain in a place for long, being hunted as they were… With that Noah man having seen them together, there was little chance that they hadn't attracted the Earl's attention to the rest of the group as well...

" _Nice…"_ She thought to herself, suddenly feeling guilty. She could only hope the Earl would be far more preoccupied with actual Exorcists or that he wouldn't care about the rogue group that much…

But she already knew better than to rely in hope alone.

**XxX**

Allen placed a third box on the top of another carefully. What they contained, he didn't know, but they were heavy alright, boasting the name of some exportation company painted on the wood. A man at his side with a notebook watched the loading, writing some last notes down before placing it inside his pocket, nodding to Allen, who replied the same manner and walked away.

He knew some of his "colleagues" had been surprised to see that, despite his age, Allen could carry as much weight as they did. In the end, it wasn't much of a hard work, he considered, just brawl-based and it didn't bother him. After all, it wasn't as if he hadn't ever done something similar before and, used to being active as he was, Allen didn't tire easily either. He still had energy to train with Raz most nights. It was rather useful, as it allowed him to shut part of his mind, while the rest remained focused on whatever he had to do, stopping unpleasant thoughts.

However, Allen knew he should start to think where to go and do… He couldn't just keep wandering aimlessly like that… And since he had seen Tyki, the words the Noah had told him back in the night when he had left ( _escaped)_ the Order echoed in his mind stronger than usual.

" _Having two monsters inside of you, you don't even try to understand what you are. You sow chaos wherever you go. You are the worst, Allen Walker."_

The words had shocked him when first hearing them, but now he didn't bother arguing with them even in the isolation of his own mind. He had been thinking about Neah before Apocryphos showed up… Wondering if things could change, should he learn something about Neah...

How could he deal with a situation he didn't understand?

" _Doesn't having monsters inside of me makes me one as well?"_

And it wasn't Neah alone. He had been thinking about Cross as well… And then remembered someone who maybe, maybe could know the same things his Master did.

" _Maybe_ she _can say. And if Master is alive, he may have passed by there too..."_ Well, maybe, maybe not… Not when Cross had left debts with her just as well. Old Mother had been quite furious at his sheer audacity. Knowing his Master, Allen hadn't been that surprised, just embarrassed.

Maybe this was all useless, but it was the only idea he had for now. It was better than nothing.

The idea still made him hesitate a little… He didn't feel quite eager to part ways with Elana and the others, but at the same time, Tyki's words had had the effect the Noah had probably aimed for: Allen had no idea of how to tell them about the Fourteenth, or even if he _should._ He hadn't even told _Raz_ yet and she had at least the right to know…

It wouldn't be fair to pull them to the center of the storm he was in. The Noah would probably go after them now too that Tyki had seen them together…

" _Oh, but you're not hesitating about telling them the truth just for their safety, are you?_ " He decided to not address the thought.

Raz would rather go with him no matter where, this she had said herself. He _knew_ he should tell her about everything now, but had no idea how to even start the conversation…

She, probably, had known Neah.

Maybe she would remember things little by little and perhaps what he could tell her, while not exactly helpful in this regard, would at least be some sort of stimuli. That morning, Allen has asked her how she had slept and, with an absent air, Raz confessed she had dreamt about someone _singing_ , making his mind go straight to Neah.

"Do you remember anything about it?" He had asked, trying to pretend he had no idea of what it could be and hiding his anxiety. "A face or the voice?"

Raz had shaken her head slowly, not taking her eyes off him. The white-haired boy had then hesitated, it could have been _really_ just a dream… Yet, he pressed on anyway.

"By any chance… Was the music something like this?" And he started, not realizing his voice shivered in the air of the room. With the Ark, he just needed to think about the lyrics. He hadn't actually _sung_ that in a long time…

_Soshite bouya wa nemuri ni tsuita –_ So the little infant fell into a deep sleep  
_Ikizuku hai no naka no honoo –_ Among the grey ashes shining in the flames  
_Futatsu no ukabu fukurami itoshiii yokogao –_ First one, then two, surfaces numerous faces  
_Daichi ni taruru ikusen no yume, yume –_ And a thousand dreams fall back to Earth

Slowly, Allen's voice became firmer as the song went on. For a moment, he wasn't even in the room at all… The little boy who had learned that song and strange letters was back, the boy who used to scribble them in the snow with a stick and mumbled the song awkwardly while trying to learn it, guided by Mana…

No one had ever taught him anything like this before. He had been taught to stay out of the way, to not cry when hit, to endure pain and to work for his keep… No one ever bothered to teach him about beautiful things that felt light, that seemed to be able to heal unseen wounds.

Yet, his voice was no longer that of a child.

Raz frowned… She tilted her head to the side as she heard him and slowly, apparently not even aware of what she was doing, her voice joined Allen's.

_Gin no hitomi no yuragu yoru ni –_ On the night when silver eyes shivered  
_Umare ochita kagayaku omae –_ The shining you was born  
_Ikuoku no toshitsuki ga –_ Across millions of years  
_Ikutsu inori wo tsuchi e kaesshitemo –_ Prayers have already returned to Earth

Lifting one of her hands, Raz touched her throat with the tip of her fingers as if realizing what she was doing, confusion surging in her eyes and yet, she didn't stop singing… The voice of the Noah and of the Exorcist followed the same cadence, mating in the empty room in a lonely sound that gave the music the quality of a requiem, a requiem to the past, to memory and bonds…

That was a lonely song of someone who kept singing and praying, hoping for light and that whoever could be listening would care for a child, enough to teach them _what_ love was. Someone in the dark kept singing and hoping, singing and hoping…

_Watashi wa inori tsuzukeru –_ I will still continue to pray  
_Douka konoko ni ai wo –_ Please, bestow your love upon this child  
_Tsunaida te ni kisu wo –_ And upon our joined hands, leave a gentle kiss

The silence wrapped them, born out of the last note.

Finally, the Noah girl, not blinking, shook her head slowly, clouds gathering in her eyes.

"N-No…" She muttered, as if to herself. "The melody wasn't that, I know it, but…"

Her eyes went to the floor and back to Allen, with the look of someone lost while her face remained expressing nothing.

"How do I know this song?" And Allen felt the rest of her question in the air: _And how do_ you _know it?_

Allen didn't find that surprising that Raz knew that song… It had been there in the Ark, so it should be natural that more Noah knew it, not only Neah or even the Earl… He had to admit it hurt, somehow. Allen had always seen that song as belonging just to him and Mana, something special they shared only between the two of them… It was a childish notion, he told himself, but the feeling persisted all the same.

"I… I've heard it once." While he tried to reason this was not an exact lie, it still tasted like one. "A person taught it to me. Later I found out some Noahs knew it too, so…" He didn't need to carry on and say that he had considered Raz might as well. The girl gazed at him with an unreadable expression and Allen knew at once that she wasn't accepting a weak-sounding explanation easily.

She limited herself to nod.

"No… It wasn't that one" She repeated. "The melody was another… But this song also feels… I don't know how to say it. Familiar."

It had been more than that, Allen guessed. Raz hadn't interrogated him further on the subject and this had only made him feel worse. He realized then it had been almost a month since she had woken up and though he could see she still had several questions about what truly had happened between him and the Order, the Noah girl didn't say anything. Allen knew, she was waiting for him to tell it in his own time and he knew he should do it soon…

But he didn't even want to think about certain things.

" _And how will you face a situation you don't even want to talk about? You're just running away…"_ A sarcastic voice, too similar to Tyki Mikk's for comfort echoed inside his skull. Well, they would leave this city soon and then he would tell her… Maybe they could discuss with Samuel and the others about ways to meet later? They probably had some hotels and inns they…

The boy froze.

Instinct dominating his body, he watched the course of some people leaving the train to hide behind one of the brick columns that separated the covered area of the platform under open sky, pretending to be looking at nothing in particular.

" _Let it not be… Let me be wrong, may it be just my imagination…"_

It wasn't.

Among the crowd, he recognized black robes with a hood, white straps in the shoulders, black pants… Head held high, the person seemed to be examining the surroundings. Nothing of this would mean anything, if it wasn't for the silver-like rose cross in one of the straps. The companion at his side wore the same clothes. They were engaged in a conversation while walking across the platform. Allen made sure to stay away from their path, sliding to the other side of the column.

" _They don't look like Finders… But I don't think they are Exorcists either."_ Whoever they were, that particular cross could only mean one thing. He walked away, having to force himself to not run, to not call any attention as he looked around, until he spotted a tall man helping to take bags out of the train.

He hoped they hadn't seen him while getting off the train. He hoped they had been too caught up in whatever they were doing to pay attention to workers around, even someone of the man's size.

"Samuel!" Allen called without raising his voice, rushing closer and gesturing with his head. Seeing the hardness in his eyes, the black man followed him to a corner without any words. Being on the run for longer than Allen, Samuel had an idea of what this expression could mean.

"We need to leave. _Now_." The boy whispered. As he explained quickly what he had seen, Samuel Kallen's face started to reflect the same worry that he felt. "I just saw two men with the symbol of the Black Order. They aren't Exorcists or Finders, so they can only be agents from the Central."

"Are you sure?"

"I saw the rose cross, I'm telling you…"

Samuel nodded, not needing him to finish it.

"Listen, I'll go make up an excuse…" He started, trying to keep a controlled tone. Between the people from the Order, the agents of the Central were those they needed to avoid the most. When he was an Exorcist, Samuel hadn't gotten to know many of them, let alone well, for which he was actually grateful. "Go warn the girls, we'll meet in the inn and leave. _Be careful."_

Allen nodded and left, wishing he had been wearing a coat or something to hide his white hair today. He felt cold. Behind him, Samuel had started to apologize to their colleagues while turning to go search for their boss, all the time trying to imagine a sad story about tragic news that would work well enough as a justification for their abrupt leaving. And that wouldn't take much time or make the man ask too many questions as well.

Allen walked the street at fast steps. Central's Agents. He didn't know if they used to travel around, like the Finders did from time to time. Would they be searching for him? It was a likely possibility, wasn't it? Oh, even if those two weren't, there should be a demand now to kill or capture him on sight.

His stomach turned at this.

He had to go fast. All that mattered now was leaving the city.

**XxX**

"What do you mean, you guys aren't coming with us?" Lauren asked shocked when Allen gave them the news and was looking now from him to Raz. She seemed to be hoping that this was a joke with a bad timing. "But… C'mon, you guys can't be serious…?"

Her disappointment, which was shared by the others, came as a surprise to Allen, who also realized he would have liked to say " _no_ ", to change his mind and go ahead with her and the others, boarding the same train… But this didn't mean he _could._ Not now, at least…

"We need to go to another town, Lauren…" Raz explained. Now that the time had come, she was not so happy with splitting from the group either. "We will meet you guys later." That was what she and Allen hoped and the reason why they were asking the Exiled to tell them a list of hotels and inns they used to stay in, so they could try keeping contact. It was not the easiest method, but in lieu of the Exiled having a Golem of their own, it was the only way.

"But what for?" Lauren insisted.

"What if something happens to you two?" Elana asked, an old, patched-up backpack of her own on her shoulders. The train she and the others had picked would take them to a far away city at west while Allen had been lucky to find one that would take him and Raz to another station where they could get another that would take them to Liverpool.

"We'll be careful, we promise." Raz tried to calm the girl. It was the best she could say and not that they would be fine, this would be a promise they might not be able to maintain and she was aware of it. "If you promise you'll be too..." She added tentatively.

"Hey…" Alison tried a to smile. "How do you think we managed to stay free during all these years?"

After going to the house Raz and Elana were working and explained the need to leave (Elana had made up a story of receiving an urgent letter to the man, warning that her mother was sick), they had gone back to pack their things and close the bill in the inn along with Alison and Lauren. While they were in the room checking their backpacks, in his hurry, Allen had just told Raz they needed to go to that particular city because there was someone there who could, perhaps, answer some questions.

"We could go together, it doesn't make a difference to us…" Samuel suggested once again, but both Allen and Raz denied, saying there was no need… They knew there were certain things they still needed to do alone.

The Exiled still didn't know the truth about them…

"No, don't worry. We… We just need to take care of a few things. We'll meet you all later." Allen repeated, shaking his head with a smile. How many times had he said similar things to his friends? Samuel rolled his eyes and Lauren scoffed at the idea of not getting worried.

"Allen… Raz…" Alison muttered as she crossed her arms. "You both must be among the most stubborn people I've ever met in my entire life…"

Both just shrugged, knowing this was for the better. Allen found himself risking.

"We're not more stubborn than Lauren, right?"

"Hey!" The girl's protest failed as she couldn't hold a smile. There were a couple of laughs, but the weight of the nervousness infiltrated itself in the sound and stole its strength. Every "goodbye" could easily turn into a "farewell"… Alison sighed. She knew they had to respect the other's decision of leaving, even if she didn't quite agree. A part of her wondered if they were indeed just going to another town or back to the Order… But the suspicion felt weak. It didn't seem likely… What they were planning, she didn't know, so all she could do was to hope they would be alright.

" _Allen is strong. He managed to stand a direct fight against that Noah, after all…"_ It wasn't enough to make her feel more convinced that things would be alright with the two of them, but then, nothing would. Alison believed one of the facts of life was that one could never be sure that nothing bad would happen, not that acceptance made it any better. Old memories agitated inside Alison and the girl fought against the river that threatened her mind.

"You guys have the list, right? You know where we're going to, right?" Lauren asked, giving up trying to tell them to stay. Allen nodded as he lifted a small piece of paper, with several names and numbers scribbled on it, of some of the places the Exiled used to stay, when passing by cities they had been before. Allen and Raz just hoped they could at least try to call those places and talk about a way to meet again.

With a sigh, Lauren hugged them, followed by Alison.

"Whatever you guys have to deal with, do it…" Elana muttered as she hugged Allen, caressing his hair gently. She had a sweet, warm smell. "And then, you meet us again, agreed?"

"Be careful" Samuel told Raz as he caressed her head after a hug that had seemed like a bear trying to hug a small doe. "Take care of each other, always."

"That goes for you guys as well…" Raz replied slowly, making Lauren laugh.

"Okay, _mommy."_

Allen and Raz's train would leave later. They followed the Exiled as they boarded and waved when the train started to move, a brown serpent that left a trail of white smoke in the air.

"We'll see each other again…" Allen muttered, more to himself when lowering his hand and holding Raz's. Perhaps his words weren't meant just for the Exiled… He couldn't say. Perhaps he hoped he would see them again just as he hoped he would see his friends someday.

" _The dungeon. The fear of falling asleep and being possessed. Slowly losing his track of time, drowning in the silence…"_

He pushed those thoughts away as he would do with a snake.

He didn't want to think about it.

And this, now, this was just a goodbye.

It was just a "goodbye".

* * *

**Ana: Not exactly the best chapter or with most action, but Allen wouldn't go to Mother's with the Exiled. Not only because he still can't tell them truth, but also because he needs some time.**

**Lauren: So, we're put in a bus? Train, whatever?**

**Ana: Nope. I didn't create those guys just to have them in a couple of chapters and then kick them out. They will be back after some more chapters. Allen still has things to sort out…**

**Road: At least you mentioned me. Glad to know you didn't forget me!**

**Ana: If I tried you would stab my eyes…**

**Road: What was that again?**

**Ana: Nothing, nothing…**

**Road: I want to get better soon! I want to see Allen again!**

**Ana: Yeah, right, you want to kiss him again, that's what.**

**Sheryl: MY DAUGHTER DID _WHAT_?**

**Ana: Uops.**

**Allen ( _cold sweat_ ): "Uops"? That's _all_ you have to say?**

**Sheryl: I'LL KILL YOU BRAT, YOU KISSED MY ROAD!**

**Allen ( _Running_ ): ME? She was the one that kissed ME, I didn't do anything! Not my fault!**

**Sheryl: So you're saying you didn't like being kissed by my dear daughter? HOW DARE YOU!**

**Allen: No, that's not… I mean… Can someone help me here?**

**Ana: Sorry, he creeps me out.**

**Wisely: Good luck, kiddo.**

**Tyki: Just keep running, boy.**


	11. Act Eleven – Destroy to Save

_"You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it" –_ Barbra Streisand _._

"C'mon, a little more!" Allen encouraged, his light grey eyes on Raz's hands. "Concentrate, remember that this is part of you." He went on with a cheerful tone. The girl had her eyes on her own hands as well, not blinking, a snake hypnotizing a prey… Or vice versa. Between her fingers, shadows slithered, shreds of mist escaping and fading in the air. Still, the blade of the dagger she had been trying to form seemed to remain solid, almost carved out of stone.

They had a train's compartment all for themselves and during the conversation, Raz had started to train solidifying the shadows she could conjure. For now, they tended to fade far too soon, but she was able to use them as whips and seemed to be having some success with a dagger.

Raz ignored how it seemed to fit her hand perfectly, more than a case of the power making it so, more as if that thing had existed before and had been waiting for her. It was a strange thought, but the best way to explain how it felt.

She mumbled in reply as spirals of mist escaped between her fingers, small serpents twisting in the air. She wondered if those shreds would no longer appear once she managed to keep whatever she created solid with no risks of it dissipating suddenly.

"You're getting good" Allen commented, back relaxed and one of his elbows leaning in the armrest under the window. Raz just shook her head, taking in account the fight she had seen between Allen and Tyki and how she hadn't been able to hold her own against him. This was far from "good" in her mind.

Still, she decided to just ask, not taking her eyes out of what she was doing and trying to keep the dagger firm. It was indeed similar to controlling an extra muscle, to the point one didn't feel the workings of the brain when doing so. And there was something, flowing in the veins of her entire body as well. She vaguely wondered if this was similar to how Allen felt when using his Innocence.

"Tell me more about this woman we're going to see?"

Shrugging a little, Allen repeated what he had told her. It wasn't as if there was much to tell, in all honesty.

"She is an acquaintance of my Master. The people of her town call her Mother, since she is always giving advice to those who need it." He smiled, recalling the last time she had visited her and how she had faced the man who had been supplying the Earl with people willing to make a contract with him. "She is tough, but kind."

It had been to her house that Cross had taken him after they had met, to allow Allen to recover from the wound that would become the scar in his eye. Not that Allen remembered much. The memories were blurred images and sounds that didn't make sense. The only element that was clear in them was the pain…

That was perhaps the core of everything. The days didn't matter. The words he had heard didn't matter. What mattered was only the pain. It was always there, always fresh. It was in his eye, in his body, until there was nothing else left to feel.

His throat was dry.

"Samuel is sure he is alive and I'm starting to think so, too…" Allen carried on, looking through the window to the fields of grass and trees bathing in sunlight. "Maybe she knows something. And even if she doesn't, I have some questions…" Which were the main reason he wanted to talk to her, rather than any possibility of Cross being alive or not. If that was indeed the case, he doubted his Master would be found. Not if he didn't want to.

Raz's eyes went up to him, before going back to her shadows.

"If she knows the Order and supports it, how can we be sure she won't tell them that you're there?" Her voice was a serene as her expression, not denouncing the worry Allen was almost sure she should be feeling. He shook his head in denial, thinking about the Central's Agents they had seen yesterday. It had been the first time since leaving the Order that he had seen someone from there even if he didn't know them personally…

In the end, there was no avoiding feeling bothered by it.

He had left the place weeks ago and had spent some time with the Exiled, but still, that had been different. It had been a real _escape_.

There was no running away from the basic facts: He had seen people from the place he had called home, his first home ever, warned the others and ran off. And if this hadn't worked, he knew they would have had to resort to fighting.

This wasn't how you behaved when seeing people from home…

Even trying to face the situation with rationality, Allen couldn't get rid of the feeling he had had his stomach twisted around. Those were people who, in the past, he would have considered allies, not enemies…

" _Will this sensation be gone someday?"_ And this line of thought, dirty and sticky, called the faces of Lenalee, Miranda and the others.

Lenalee had asked him to not leave since, if he did and they ever met again, they would have to fight… Allen had joked about how she could kick him if she wanted, as people would joke with the inevitable in an attempt of finding some sort of strength to deal with it… Not that it worked. Not for long. Something like that could really happen at some point.

_At any point._

He didn't want to fight any of them.

" _Maybe you'll have to. If you want to find answers, you have to remain free."_ A malicious voice mocked him and made Allen take a deep breath. Running away seemed a far better option, but what if he hadn't a choice and had to…

No… He needed to stay calm.

" _We wouldn't fight each other, they are my friends."_

_"What about when you were arrested?"_

That had been another matter. They… They hadn't been able to do anything, not against a command from the Central. Surely…

"Allen?" Raz's voice called him back to the present, as he hadn't truly answered.

"Well, she does support the Order…" Allen said, his muscles moving to form an automatic smile. "But she doesn't get in contact with them much and she is Cross' friend. I'm counting with that to keep us safe…" And the fact she knew him, as well. Allen was not blind to the risk at hand. Yes, Mother supported the Order in her own way, at least that was what it had always seemed like to him. He hoped it was not a misconception of his part.

"She met me some years ago…" He told her, leaning forward as he placed his elbow on his thigh, holding his chin in thought as he wondered, not for the first time, if Cross had taken him in just out of knowledge that he was the host of the Fourteenth… He wouldn't have been surprised.

A thought started to form in his mind, but it was unpleasant, so Allen pushed it away before it took shape. Case in point, there was a chance that Mother also knew about this and perhaps something about Neah as well.

This last hypothesis sounded weak and may increase the risk, however for now it was the only idea available. He meant to tell Raz that Mother could have information about the Noah just as well, but something kept the words from forming… He had to tell her the truth, he knew it. About why he left the Order, about Neah…

Yet even now, he couldn't find the words or the path to use to even start the subject.

**XxX**

Time didn't exist anymore. Perhaps it never had to begin with.

The only way to separate his existence between past and present was through the waves in his body. If not for this, all he knew would be a state of half-consciousness, as empty as a forgotten dream.

Such thoughts didn't come to Lavi in a lucid form, limited to sensations just like an infant. Several times, the redhaired man couldn't form a line of coherent images and had feared to be forgetting how to do it… When he started to think about something, his mind would spread as liquid falling in the ground, escaping control.

Then again, maybe this was for the best.

There wasn't pain all the time. His body both sighed in relief for this blessing and feared in anticipation. He had wished for a sanctuary, even if it came in the shape of madness. He could barely move. Heat and coldness mixed in his blood, going up and down his veins and to his brain. Breathing was stable enough, but it was all his body could do. As useless as it was, even the idea of moving a member made his nerves recoil.

Yet, there was no pain.

He knew when there was pain.

At the beginning, he had managed to distinguish events around him and hear words when spoken. Lately (since when? Was there a "when"?) it had become harder. Maybe the pain never truly left, just went dormant. He knew, instinctively, that the worms of the Noah Fiiroha (Was that his name? He didn't know the sound anymore) were inside him and could kill him easily.

He _felt_ them. He felt them inside his body, slithering over their muscles. They kept him weak and sick, becoming agitated when the Noahs came to demand answers. One of them, whose name Lavi no longer remembered, had stretched his arms without touching him as a child pulling the arms of a doll.

The Noahs wanted information that Bookman had.

For all they could do, they wouldn't kill him yet.

Lavi had started to wish they would.

For how long would his body take it?

The faces of Allen, Lenalee, Krory… The people of the Order… People that he had seen as corpses raising from coffins when Road had tried to break his mind. The Noah girl hadn't managed to do so and Lavi had freed himself… He could barely recall that he had survived, only the corpses, the cries, the smell of blood and ink.

He wasn't sure he wanted to survive anymore…

Even lost in himself, in that mass of meat and blood that was his body, _Lavi_ still existed.

He closed his eye, barely feeling the tired rhythm of his breathing.

Somewhere, he heard a door being open and the voice of a Noah. Which one, he couldn't say.

A known wave of fear swept his body.

And he hoped for the end.

**XxX**

Sitting in one of the Order's gardens, Miranda had her eyes fixated in the sky without actually seeing it. The news of Chaozii waking up had run through the Order as a wildfire. She was among the ones who had visited him, happy and relieved, hoping he was indeed fine… What had happened, no one knew for sure, but the exams until now didn't pick any abnormality.

Some doctors had concluded that his system, perhaps aided somehow by his connection to his Innocence, had fought and won the Noah's attack that should have left him in that coma-like state. Others would prefer him to remain in observation for a couple of days (which Chaozii himself had agreed). In a way or another, the exams had had at least positive results until now.

Miranda was happy for him, she truly was, but it wasn't quite enough to help her ignore what was going around or to remain detached from it. Within weeks since Allen's departure, she had noticed how people here and there seemed to have adapted and accepted the idea that he was a traitor. Aware that certain things were better kept to oneself, Miranda didn't seek to partake in those conversations, but her conviction was against it.

But it was sad seeing so many acting as if Allen had never sat with them, laughed and spoke with them. Were the good days so easy to be casted aside?

In her prayers, she always asked God to keep Allen safe and, sometimes when lying down, she tried to imagine where he would be now and if he was okay. Her mind weaved scenarios that went from white to black without her even trying.

And there was nothing she could do. It reanimated the sensation of uselessness that had accompanied her almost all her life, a disease returning after being dormant, strengthened with voices mocking her in her mind. Allen had helped and she had been unable to do the same. Not to him or Lenalee, who usually isolated herself whenever she could, wanting to be left in peace and politely avoiding any attempts at conversation that seemed to approach the subject of Allen, be with Miranda or Krory or those who openly despite Allen now. She carried on with her own personal routine, kept training and serving coffee to her brother and the others, but Miranda could see beyond the everyday actions.

"Miranda?" A voice called her, making her turn her head. The girl nodded in greeting.

"Chief Reever, hi…"

The man looked at her for some seconds before approaching her bank. The courtyard was circular shaped, surrounded by bushes and trees. An enjoyable change if compared to the previous Headquarters, that had been nestled up a hill and with not much space for a garden. Here, the winds carried the aroma of the woods and the rains seemed to wake different scents in the air.

It was relaxing.

"Thought you would be training."

"I'm done for today…" She replied. "Anything new about Chaozii?" She knew the Science Department was as informed as others about the subject.

"The doctors had good results with the late exams and he claims to feel healthy. They don't know if they like this or not, I guess…" It was hard to decide about it, when what had left Chaozii in such state had been an unknown attack. On another hand, he had displayed a slow recover, like it would have done with a serious disease, rather than an unexpected, sudden one.

Miranda had no reply to this.

"Well, at least he is awake…" Her attention went back to the garden, the grass and the flowers waving lazily when touched by a breeze. Reever was quiet at her side, merely enjoying the sun and his little break before heading back to work.

"Yeah…" He agreed thoughtful, suddenly asking. "What do you think about Link?"

The woman's eyes went to him, sunlight reflecting in the brown waves of her hair, falling softly on her shoulders.

"You know." She replied in a whisper. Reever almost smiled, it had been a silly question: Like him, Komui, Krory and a few of the others, she didn't believe for a second that Allen was responsible for the man's death. Just the idea of Allen _killing_ someone was ridiculous in itself, unless in a scenario where there were no other options.

He disliked fighting even the Noah, for crying out loud.

" _I'm not sure Chaozii will agree with this argument..."_ He wondered. At a moment, while passing by the infirmary, he had seen the Exorcist talking with the two Finders who had joined the Order along with him and were currently telling him of everything that had happened during his coma. He didn't know how to interpret the hardness of Chaozii's black eyes, but perhaps that was worry for Lavi and Bookman.

Reever wondered what the hell the Central was doing. They weren't divulgating more than usual and he could only hope they were thinking in a way of investigate their disappearances and how to help them. The Noahs would have left their bodies to be found if they were dead and both were (it seemed) more valuable alive, if the Clan managed to force them into spiting whatever info they wanted regarding the Order.

He, Johnny and Komui had discussed the matter among themselves, but they had no idea of what they could do once they didn't even know _where_ the two could be. The most logical answer would be the Black Ark, and they had no means of reaching there. And if they did, how would they be able of rescuing them right in the enemy's territory?

One thing that he did know for sure was that the Central was studying their own Ark almost furiously, seeking a way of controlling it without Allen. If someone asked Reever, they could keep trying until they all died and it wouldn't make a single difference. This was technology beyond what they could understand and the only reason the Order had been able to make use of it had been due to Allen.

"Reever?" Miranda took him out of the river of his thoughts.

"Ah, sorry. I was just thinking here." He chuckled as if it was nothing major, but Miranda just gazed at him and he sighed. "Things have not been quite good around here…"

"No…" She agreed with a sigh of her own. They could wonder and wonder how things had gotten to that point, what exactly had happened and Miranda knew they would just get caught in a circle of their own questions. "They haven't been good at all…"

It seemed she was about to say something else, changing her mind in the last second. They remained as they were for minutes, none of them having anything to say until Reever stood up, checking his pocket watch.

"I better go back, otherwise the Supervisor will run off again." While he stood, his eyes met hers and Reever saw in them something he had seen in the mirror: A particular stand, firm and strong.

And he knew Miranda saw this in him as well.

"Chief Reever… Well… All storms must end." The woman said suddenly, barely realizing when she had started to speak. The words felt weak even to herself, but if they could offer even if just a little comfort, she would try. "No darkness lasts forever…"

He nodded in agreement. While there was truth in what she was saying, there was also another thought: Storms could kill people before they had the chance to see its end.

Not that they had any choice before facing it.

**XxX**

"When we entered the room, he had a gun." Allen was telling. "And started going on about how a small town could only prosper with a huge hospital and I don't know what else." He shook his head, his expression between one of disgust and certain amusement for what had followed. "Mother arrived right on time, you should have seen it."

"What do you mean, what did she do?"

"She kicked him right in the face." He said with a shrug as if it was the simplest thing ever. One wouldn't expect a small, old woman to be that strong to the point of leaving a larger man like that doctor unconscious. "After that, I don't know what happened, but Mother said he would pay for the things he had done." Both exchanged looks, imagining what the woman would do to that man who had been killing patients to give "akuma material" to the Earl. "Me and Lenalee spoke to Liza before leaving… She seemed to be doing better."

Or as good as someone could be, with the reveal that the person she loved had been actually murdered. Liza had proved herself to be a strong girl and the two Exorcists had been sure she would go on, not forgetting Lenny but also not getting lost in her grief. He wondered if perhaps they would get to see her…

"And could you find anything about your Master?" That had been the reason why he and that friend had gone there during their search for the General, for what Allen had just told her, along with some details of who Cross was (and his behavior).

Allen palled a little, a corner of his mouth shivering in the same way of a nervous tick.

"Oh, yeah, we did…" He mumbled. "A bunch of _debts._ His 'trail", per say…" It shouldn't have surprised him that the only clue they could have about Cross' location would be bills. Sadly, this was quite _appropriated_.

Raz blinked, her fingers suddenly going through the dagger's handle that once again dissolved into shadows before disappearing. The girl stared at him with mouth half open.

She could just _imagine_ how this Cross man was in person.

"Your Master sounds a specialist in disappearing…" She commented, leaving her hands to rest at the side of her body on the bank. "I get why you and Samuel think he's alive… But what happened to him, really?"

Allen stared at her and hesitated for a second. This was close to other subjects. Timcampy, that had been resting on the table as if watching the exchange, placed his tail around his body, his wings closing.

"One day, when I was in the Order, he… He disappeared. There was nothing in the room, besides a broken window. And blood… In the glass, in the ground…" It had been a grotesque and red painting, the mask of his Master fallen in the windowsill… And Timcampy, for days, had continued to go there, giving the impression of being able to smell Cross and have hopes that the Master would come back… Or perhaps he had been going there to mourn. "Later, I found out that he had been attacked by Apocryphos."

More than find out, he had _seen it_ when the creature had grabbed him.

His heart shivered in anger.

"That Innocence hunting you…" Raz nodded. She still wasn't sure she had truly understood, but knew that it wanted to absorb Allen, one of the reasons why he had left the Order.

The rest was left up for imagination.

A silence fell over them. Allen could see Raz waiting and this was another pull in his conscience. Still, she didn't ask.

"Raz… I'm sorry"

The Noah lifted her eyebrows, his words as intelligible as a foreign language. Of whatever she might have been expected him to say, an apology was not part of the list.

"For what?"

"Well, it's that I'm not telling you everything that I should…" He whispered, sustaining her gaze. "And you know it. I'm sorry."

His left hand distractedly caressed Tim, who had flied to perch on his shoulder. The details Raz knew were just a basic, general picture, a line that lost itself among a web. Anyone would feel that there was far more than what Allen had limited himself to tell.

Raz just kept looking at him until she sighed as well.

"It… It can't be an easy subject for you…" But she _had_ questions, she wanted answers and this didn't need to be said with words. She didn't pressure Allen and was still too focused in her own sensations and learning, what she was able to do and the world around. All this worked as priorities and distractions, but it would be a lie to say there weren't moments she just wished Allen would tell her everything.

" _But you haven't told him all about your nightmares either, have you?"_ That… That was different, wasn't it? She barely remembered those dreams to begin with, all that remained after she would wake up were the emotions crawling inside.

"No, it isn't…" Allen agreed. "The feathers you saw that night…" His eyes went to her hands before he could help it. Like his Exorcist Sword had left scars in Tyki after their fight in the Ark and Apocryphos had pierced his hands when the man fought him, some of the wounds in Raz's hands had left scars that crossed her palms in thin, pale cracks. Despite having healed, according to Raz, they still throbbed from time to time. She just tried to ignore them.

The girl nodded in understanding.

"You know they are part of Apocryphos…"

Even if she knew this already, the disgust was no less than the first time she had heard it. And Allen couldn't say he didn't understand it, he avoided thinking about the time he had spent with those things inside him without his knowledge because it always invited a repulse that made him want to puke.

Raz remained still. Even without ever having laid eyes on that creature, she had no trouble considering it obscene.

"And… In the night he attacked me and this happened, I…"

 _I was in the Order's dungeon,_ he meant to tell, to explain all that had happened and the reason.

And he would have done so. If it wasn't for the wave of energy that surged in his eye and spread through his body in warning.

Raz saw the blood-red gleam and the lens appearing. Both stood at once. The floor trembled as if something was moving the rails around. Screams filled the air, along with the screeching of metal denting. Allen and Raz lost their balance when the train agitated under them, throwing both against the door of their cabin.

"Damn it!" Allen groaned, trying to regain balance when the movement stopped, the compartment in a half-turned position. He knew that, at least the wagon they were in, had been taken off the rails. The sounds refused to cease, a cacophony of human cries and denting metal and something that could be shooting or laugher.

Without waiting, Allen went to the window, using it to get out, balancing himself over the train, Raz doing the same.

"Think they knew we would be here?" She leaned in the seat to take impulse out of the window, seeing the akumas around. One of them, whose appearance defied any idea of sanity, attacked another wagon, claws that came out of appendices alike arms with more joints than any known creature opening rips in the metal. A mouth with rows of teeth let out a repetitive sound that could be taken as a scream.

Around, two akumas lifted themselves in the air with bladed wings to then descend as hellish birds, claws aiming for the heads of the people trying to get out of the train and run away. Other was slithering by the ground, chasing humans. With his eye, Allen noticed the presence of two more akumas _inside_ the train.

"No, I don't think so." Allen replied quickly, grabbing his arm and pulling, feeling the wrist hardening and the bones changing shape into a sword. The first akuma turned the protuberance that was his head to him, the voice going over the storm of sounds.

What it was saying, Allen didn't know, but the sound was of recognition and the serpent-shaped akuma stopped changing humans, lunging to Allen, who jumped, avoiding a bite and attacking. The blade pierced easily the side of the creature's head, opening it.

Around, more screams.

"Run, fast!" Allen yelled to the people, taking care to not slip and fall. Even if they were akumas of level Two, he needed to be fast to get rid of them before they killed someone. Luckily, the cry of the first akuma and the sound of death of the other had called the attention of the others. Allen knew they would consider him a far more valuable prey.

The winged akuma attacked. The white cape involved Allen as he spun his sword, but it was three against one (five, counting the akumas whose growls pierced the train under his feet). The one of several arms came closer…

Black straps made a cracking sound when wrapping the creature's arms. They didn't reflect the sunlight despite their oily appearance. Standing near Allen, Raz growled as she tried to hold the creature.

The akuma let out that same sound of recognition. Allen meant to scream, but he had to jump to avoid an akuma from inside the train that was piercing the metal, aiming for his feet as the winged ones still came down in intervals.

"RAZ, _WAIT_!" He cried. The Noah didn't give signals of listening, face hard with concentration, trying to pull the akuma that her shadows had caught in her direction at the same time she jumped, dagger back in hand, the blade of more than fifteen centimeters, sharp end…

The cry of souls fading into nothing tore Allen's brain as he remembered. The akuma Road had told to self-destruct… The akumas destroyed by the Third…

" _NO!"_ He jumped in time, throwing his body against Raz. The girl groaned in pain and surprise as they fell over the train, rolling and hitting the ground.

"What's gotten into you?!" Raz asked, her control shattering. The akuma, free, jumped to their side. Both backed away, avoiding to be grabbed by the claws coming out of his arms.

Allen held Raz's hand and pulled her to trees near the rails, dodging when an akuma came down at their direction. Behind them, there was a sound of metal ripping when one of the akumas forced its way out of the train.

"Stay here! You can't attack them!"

"Are you insan…"

Screams still echoed in his mind, along with a whisper of despair that begged for help before fading in the air forever. No. Not again. Not e _ver again._ Allen grabbed the girl's shoulders.

"YOU CAN'T ATTACK THEM!" Raz stepped back without wanting to, Allen's hold was firm in her flesh. She had _never_ heard him screaming like this, let alone at _her_. "If destroyed by anything that it's not Innocence, the souls bound to them will be destroyed as well! YOU'LL BE DESTROYING _SOULS,_ DON'T YOU _UNDERSTAND_?"

He pulled her behind a tree, avoiding an attack and released her.

"Stay _here!"_ He said, running back to the akuma that had left the train, a thing full of protuberances that no one could actually tell what were, heads or organs.

Raz was still for a moment… Allen _had_ told her about how akumas were created and from where the energy that moved them came from. Knowing her Clan was responsible for the existence of something like had…

" _You'll be destroying souls, don't you understand?"_ He had screamed… Raz didn't know yet why or how, but she knew he could see the souls caged in those metal things, tortured at each second in an existence they had been forced into after death.

Destroy… A _soul?_ That was what she would be doing if she attacked an akuma?

Allen threw himself against that shape that was beyond laws of physics. It wasn't even possible to say if it had eyes… One of the bird-akumas attacked. Allen dodged it. The spider-akuma attacked. Allen defended himself with his cape, hitting with the sword. He didn't land a hit, but when the weapon spun in the air, there was a screech of one of the winged creatures. Hurt, it landed at Allen's side with a roar, but ropes of his cape wrapped it and Allen cut it, using it as support to cast himself to the air once the akuma exploded.

He landed in the fallen train. The spider-akuma came to him in confused movements, the winged one attacked with the claws…

Allen got ready…

Pain exploded in his ankle. There was still one akuma inside the train, whose thorn-filled tentacles held him in place. The winged akuma's claws reflected the sunlight in an eye-burning way. The akuma with the protuberances opened itself in fangs and claws over Allen, who just had time to cut it and pierce the sword against where he stood. The akuma let him go…

Allen turned up, to the winged akuma, but too slow…

Darkness appeared over him, a black flower blooming.

The akuma hit that, sending shivers through the shadows and crying in hate and surprise, the impact still forcing it back.

"Raz, I _told you…"_ He saw her there, on the train with him. The girl stepped back, her back against him and Allen felt shivers in her cold skin as she fought for control, watching the akuma's movements.

"You said… I can't kill them." She muttered, her eyes meeting Allen's and he knew there was no way of deterring her. "But I _can_ keep them away."

Allen hesitated, but sighed before jumping against the spider-akuma as Raz wrapped another with her shadows, fighting to keep it in place and to not let her focus falter.

* * *

**Ana: On Allen's defense, he was really trying to tell her the truth, but the akumas have the worst timing.**

**Allen: Of all the times, _always_ the worst. Couldn't they wait?  
**

**Ana: This chapter for me was a bit boring, but they will reach Mother's house in the next and things will go back to being interesting soon.**

**Lavi: My first appearance and it was just to say I'm in Hell?**

**Ana: Yup.**

**Lavi: Oh, c'mon, will someone give me a hand?**

**Earl: Oh, be happy you're alive.**

**Wisely: When we will appear again?**

**Road: And why I haven't healed yet? I want to see Allen again soon!**

**Ana: Easy, everyone! We need more "calm" chapters too and...**

**Lavi: _CALM?_ I'm being tortured!  
**

**Allen: _CALM?_ We were attacked by a bunch of akumas!**

**Ana: What else is new?**

**Lavi: I think I hate you..**


	12. Act Twelve – Seeds of Truth and Doubt

_"For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth." –_ Bo Bennet _._

 

Though they had been victorious in the fight, Raz remained angry with Allen almost all the way to Liverpool, which turned to be a shorter path than what they had first imagined after the train accident. Some people from town had seen the smoke and rushed to its direction, meeting a few of the passengers on the way who had spoken about it, leading them there in hopes of being able to help possible victims. A man and his daughter with a cart had offered a ride when meeting Allen and Raz in the middle of the way, both just grateful that they had been able to leave before authorities showed up, avoiding questions they had no interest in answering.

Raz had said almost not a word to him and there were no doubts regarding the reason, either. The lines of her face, while still as serene as the surface of a lake, had a new coldness that became sharper when her eyes crossed Allen's or when he tried talking to her.

"You should have told me before." She hissed in a low voice when the fight was over, as she threw her backpack over her shoulders, eyes of ice stones. "I would've known already what to do or not. We could have been seriously hurt when you stopped me." It had nothing to do with Allen yelling at her or anything remotely like that, but rather how he could have kept such a crucial detail how she shouldn't destroy akumas lest she destroyed the souls as well. On the contrary, even with their recent training, he had told her in _the middle of a fight_.

Allen had apologized, but Raz's disposition had no improvement during all the way and she avoided his gaze, leaving him unsure of what to do… She was really irritated. One thing was him not telling personal details, be of himself or events like what had made him leave the Order… Even his battles against other Noahs, she could understand that.

Another thing, very different, was keeping details that interfered with how she could (and should) act in a fight.

Arriving in town, they thanked the ride. The daughter, a girl of thirteen with copper-colored hair and freckles over her face, waved her hand saying that it had been a pleasure as they were happy to help and hoped they would like the town. Her rosy lips were molded for smiles. The father confirmed her words, wishing them well. A wave of the reins and the white and brown horse shook its enormous head before starting a gallop.

"I like it here…" Allen commented as they watched the cart going away, in the delicate tone of one who tests the resistance of ice covering a lake and spying Raz with the corner of his eyes. "I just hope the hospital is working properly now…"

Raz casted him an unreadable gaze and turned, observing a point in the road that gave start to a large street and houses.

She didn't say anything.

"Uh… Raz?" He asked, aware that she was listening. "You… Are you still mad at me?"

"No." She replied after a moment without turning to him, with careful steps. Her eyes were fixed ahead and for once, she didn't bother looking around as she usually did when in a new place.

"Uh…" Allen mumbled without much more to say as he wasn't sure she was being sincere, receiving a sound that seemed a sigh in response.

"It isn't that I'm _angry_ …" Her muttering perhaps wouldn't have been heard by someone who wasn't used to her. She didn't know how to best name the serpent rubbing the cold scales inside and around her organs. It was something sticky that gave off the sensation of pulling her down and drowning her, filling her body with ice and fire at the same time. "I'm just _upset."_

There was annoyance yes, but what else? What was the name of what seemed to isolate her in a cold coffin and made her feel as if Allen wasn't there anymore?

"I'm sorry…" He repeated, hoping she could see he meant it. "I really am."

"Is there anything else about akumas that I should know?" She sighed, while trying to not think about those creatures and the souls Allen had told to be chained.

Allen became quiet, thinking about what he knew and what he had told her and denied in silence. _Now_ he had told her everything that he knew about Akumas, including their evolution and the Level Four, as much as even thinking about those invited a needle of pain in both his eye and his mind, remembering the state the soul was by that point. Raz was in silence once more… But the words she tried to keep inside found a strength of their own to tear up their way.

"I know that there are things you don't want to talk about…" She caught herself saying, voice lowering to a whisper. "But… I would like you to _know_ you can tell me…" She managed to stop a question that was too weak from accompanying the other words. Allen had called her his friend, but… Didn't he trust her? Was that why he wasn't telling her everything?

"I'll… I _promise."_ Promising was one thing, he needed to _do it_. During the rest of the way to their destination, he observed the town where he had been a little more than a year before with Lenalee. There were no great changes, but when they passed a store he remembered, it wasn't a shoe shop anymore. In its place, there was a small candy store and through the glass, he saw a man with a round face smiling as he served a piece of cake to a couple.

Still, more than never, he knew everything had changed.

Mother's house was still where it had always been, at a small distance from the town and following a road through fields and close to a lake that reflected the sun in its clear waters. A low stone-wall circled the property as a thick line left over green silk, sprinkled with other colors from the flowers. There were a lot more than the last time.

" _Barbar has been working more on the garden..._ " Allen thought, smiling to himself and, upon coming close to the gate, he turned to Raz. The interest was back to her eyes, as she observed the field and the lake.

"That man on the cart said she is alive." He told her, opening the small gate of wood and iron. This hadn't come as a surprise to him, despite the woman's age. "If she is not home, I'm sure that…"

A known voice flew to them, as cheerful as a bird flying for the first time.

"ALLEN!" A figure approached fast. A tall man with skin tanned by the sun, the bald head protected by a large straw hat.

"Barbar!" The boy waved back with a wide smile. The man's laughter was deep as a roar, but the happiness gave it an almost childish quality as he threw his arms around Allen, in a bone-crushing hug.

"Allen, _Allen_! It's so good to see you again!" He had a blue jumper over the white shirt, hands stained by earth. Allen, lost in the hug, managed to keep the smile though his arms prickled in protest. A sweet smell, of rain and earth, soothed his senses.

"It's good to see you too, Barbar!" He said, bones sighing in relief when the man let him go. Barbar hadn't changed at all in all that time, his smile and eyes were still the same Allen was used to see in his face. Raz looked from one to the other during the exchange.

"This is Raz, she…" Allen started, being interrupted when the man let out an exclamation, followed by a cry of joy. The boy knew at once what was coming and opened his mouth to explain, but Barbar was already running back to the house.

"MOTHER! Allen is back! This time he _REALLY_ brought a bride!"

Despite the fire that dominated his face at once, Allen almost smiled, recalling how Barbar had acted the very same way back when he had come by with Lenalee. At his side, Raz had her head tilted to the side in pure curiosity and looked from the giant that was now entering the house to Allen.

"What is a bride?"

The heat that had started to fade with the birth of a laugher returned with such strength that Allen coughed. He wasn't sure it was the term she didn't recognize or the meaning in itself.

"Ah… Well… Uh, you see, when two people are in love with each other… They sometimes want to get married… I mean, marriage is like…" He tried to explain awkwardly, wondering for the first time how much of certain details he would have to explain. It seemed Raz was just getting more confused as they followed the stone path towards the door.

Allen stopped talking, something calling his attention. At the side of the house, a couple of feet away, there were several white flowers. The boy gave a quick run and crouched near some. Further away, the lake trembled and an old-looking tree crossed its branches in the air, one of them holding an old swing.

The flowers were small, with a delicate aspect and round shape, that invoked the idea of bells. Slowly, he touched one, lifting it in his fingertips. There was no doubt.

"Allen? What are you doing there?" Barbar's voice called him back. Raz, behind the man, seemed just to be _more_ confused, either by his unfinished explanation or by his sudden interest in the plants.

"Oh, nothing, nothing…" He replied, standing straight and casting a last glance to the plants.

" _I've seen those flowers before."_

**XxX**

"Your hair is longer than the last time I saw you, boy." The old woman commented upon seeing him with a critical gaze. Her brown hair was lighter now, boasting a few strands of silver and the wrinkles close to her eyes were a thin spiderweb. Allen, somewhat nervous, ran his hand through his ponytail, loose strands at the side of his face passing his shoulders.

Mother's black eyes evaluated him.

" _So, he hasn't turned into the Fourteenth."_ She reflected, recalling of when she had seen Allen for the first time, the days that had been spent in silence or in screams that his body couldn't hold, his eye bleeding from time to time as if the wound itself refused to heal.

"I think you're taller as well. But just a little." Mother added with a smirk when Allen exclaimed in protest before turning to Raz as they entered the living room.

"This is Raz," He introduced her, the Noah leaning her head in a polite greeting. "She is a _friend_ of mine." He emphasized, eyes in Barbar, hoping he would comprehend and following his own emphasis, Raz nodded. When Allen, walking away from the flowers, waited for Mother, he had tried to clarify a little better what a "bride" was.

Raz wasn't sure why he had seemed embarrassed. Once it had been explained, it had seemed something too simple to invite the reaction he had had.

"You did a nice work when you were here with Lenalee Lee." Mother commented, sitting in the table and gesturing to the visits to do the same. "Did something happen? Is that bum of Cross missing again?"

Allen denied with his head, but he was sure Mother was already aware that this was not the case or reason for the visit. Ever since he could remember, she had always been a perspicacious woman and surely had realized the obvious: They both had backpacks, didn't wear the Order's black coat and Allen had his Innocence hand hidden in an old-looking glove, something he hadn't done for a long time.

"Well, more or less… But we're not exactly seeking him. Not like last time." He added and hesitated, not only due to unsureness of how to go into the subject, as beating around the bush would only serve to annoy Mother. She had known Cross very well. Allen couldn't resist asking. "Mother, do you think Cross could have survived a really serious injury? Even without medical aid?"

The old lady didn't even blink, but Allen thought the question had caught her off guard.

"That rascal doesn't die easily, and you should know it." She grumbled, her voice with the harsh quality of a heavy smoker. "Why?"

Allen looked at Raz, but the girl lowered her eyes at once. After an instance, Allen told her about what had happened, just omitting about meeting and talking with Samuel Kallen, justifying his doubts by saying that he remembered Maria's powers and how her coffin hadn't been found. He also didn't say anything about Apocryphos, deciding to keep that part out of the conversation for now.

Mother heard his tale, occupying herself with her silver smoking pipe. When Allen was done, she had her eyebrows raised and nothing in her expression resembled worry or surprise.

"Allen, you _know_ Cross." She muttered, the corner of her mouth lifting in a kind of smile marked by memories that were from since before the boy she was speaking to was born and scoffed. "Do you actually believe he would die like _this_? He could even have faked all this just to leave the Order and fool some of the people he owes money to."

That last part was actually quite true. Allen wouldn't place Cross above such acts, honestly.

" _I wonder what kind of stories Samuel knows that would be enough to keep Master from placing debts in his name, I could use some of them!"_ He tried to not cringe when thinking about the exact value his debts amounted to.

Mother's tone carried jest and Allen was unable to stop a smile, even if he couldn't forget what he had seen through Apocryphos' eyes, the expression of Cross and the first time he had seen the shattered window stained by blood, the smell dominating all the room and spreading…

_Could_ he have survived?

"Now, I haven't received anything in his name lately, but this doesn't mean anything." The woman relaxed her muscles, arms resting in her lap, watching her visitors. Her eyes were untouched by her age, remaining young even now and sharp as those of a hawk. "But then again, you didn't come all this way just to ask me about this, have you?"

Allen and Raz exchanged looks. The Noah wasn't sure of her own words and didn't have anything to say anyway, so she limited herself to be quiet, aware that she was not part of this subject. Allen sighed and fought to not lower his gaze and keep his voice firm.

"I can't go back to the Order anymore…"

He waited for a change of expression and a waterfall of questions while Raz seemed to just observe Mother… But the woman's eyes just touched his face, then Raz's and she sighed, standing up and leaning in the cane she had left against the table's side. She was small, shorter than both teens and with delicate movements, but Allen didn't think anyone would have been fooled by her appearance unless Mother wanted to.

"I see… Well, the trip must have been long. Barbar, help them settle down." She called and the man came from the kitchen, wearing large white gloves and bringing with him a pleasant smell of food. "Whatever you have to tell me, Allen, do it when you're rested and with your stomach full."

Allen hesitated. Would she tell the Order, somehow? No… Perhaps it was wishful thinking, but even now he still didn't think this was something Mother would do.

" _There are no portals around here, either, so if something happens, we can still escape…_ " The thought came without control and he tried to get rid of it as he would with a fly that existed only inside his brain. He _knew_ Mother.

" _You also knew your friends."_

Another thought to be ignored.

"The room is this way, lady" The man told Raz, offering himself to carry her backpack, to which she refused politely. Allen accepted the offer after seeing Mother moving her head in a fast, but unmistakable movement of who has some private words to say.

"I'll be right there, Raz."

The Noah stopped for a second before accepting and followed Barbar through a hallway as the boy turned to Mother, imagining what she had to say. She had known Cross to the point he had taken Allen to her house in order for him to recover… Maybe…

A smile surged in her face.

"So, you're managing to resist the Fourteenth's genes?"

Allen would have liked to say later that the question had caught him off guard or that it had had the effect of a slap, but all he felt was an intense emptiness, like the void Tyki had once used against him, only it was inside him this time.

"Yes…" The reply was cautious, as he didn't know where the woman stood about this. "You… You knew about this all along?"

He didn't bother to hide the disappointment. Cross had known it. She had known it. Allen could only wonder for how long, but then again, he did have a pretty good idea. They had both known it from the start.

Mother studied him, her silence being enough of an answer.

"Why…?" He couldn't help but to ask. "You should… If you knew like Cross did… Why you never said anything?"

A part of his mind attempted to rationalize that he might be saying a nonsense. Mother was Cross' friend, yes, but _they_ didn't know each other that much. Maybe Cross had told her to be quiet about it. She might have had a reason.

This didn't make Allen feel any better.

A certain gentleness came to the woman's eyes, as natural as expression lines and she didn't break eye contact as she spoke again, quietly.

"Do you remember how you were when Cross brought you here?" She didn't wait for a reply, unnecessary as it was. "There were moments when I didn't even know if you'd survive, Allen. More than often, I thought you'd go insane. I had never seen anything like that before… And when you finally started talking again, what was I to do? Tell you about such things?"

She shook her head, closing her eyes for a moment. Allen, just a little boy, sitting in the bed in a way that made him look even smaller, eyes lost in a point ahead when they just saw the darkness inside himself, his body tense and dead to his surroundings. Never moving or speaking, he didn't even sleep: His body just gave in to unconsciousness due to pain and weariness.

Except when his eye throbbed, the wound starting to close only to open again. In those days, his whole body shook as if being shattered from inside out. She had examined the eye one day, the wound a deep crack over the flesh, filled with the poison of a curse, which was also the only reason why he hadn't lost sight, while it made a nest in his flesh and optic nerves.

Allen shivered. His own memories of that time could be just a blur, but his nerves recalled every second, every one of a thousand needles gathering together and crossing inside his flesh as the curse throbbed.

"And, a year ago, you came with your friend Lenalee. Once again, how was I to tell you? The responsibility, for starters, was _Cross'_ and not mine. But don't be mistaken, Allen…" The warning was accompanied by a stare that refused denials. "I'm _really_ happy that you haven't lost yourself."

Somehow, the graveness of her expression made it easier for him to believe her rather than it would have been if she had smiled.

There was a second of silence and Mother sighed.

"Allen, _do_ confess... That's why you can't go back to the Order, isn't it? No, don't say it." She decided, lifting her hand when realizing what she had asked. There was a sound of running water somewhere. Raz, probably, was taking a bath.

"I need to know, Mother. I need to know about Cross. And the Fourteenth…"

" _Not just about Neah, Mana and the Master, even Raz."_ He reflected, his eyes landing on his own arm, his Innocence. " _I need to learn about myself as well…"_ He looked back at Mother.

Could she know how or why _he_ had become Neah's host?

**XxX**

After hours walking and more sitting on a hard cart, the hot water hugging her body was a blessing.

Holding her breath, Raz sunk in the bathtub, eyes closed and felt her hair floating around her face. When she sat straight once more, the strands fell like a cape on her back and shoulders as she hugged her knees with one arm, rubbing a white soap against her legs.

There were some bruises from her training, stains that looked darker due to contrast with her pale skin. The water worked not only to soothe her muscles, but also her mind and so, her thoughts floated in waves, about the akumas, the forgotten dreams, Allen and that melody she was unable to forget.

Since Allen had sung that other music, it had nestled itself in her. Raz knew she had heard it before (well, that was a given since she had been able to sing along even if not realizing it at first), but as hard as she tried, the girl couldn't remember _where_. It was the same with the song of her dream, which remained a mysterious melody whose cadence became clear then obscure again, hiding in her blood and losing some notes.

And, as it tended to happen when she tried to focus in some memory, the emptiness was back from the depths of her insides once more and Raz was again a glass doll, just like she had felt in the first night after waking up…

Allen sought answers and so did she. But differently from her, Allen knew where to try seeking them. Or at least he had an idea for a starting point.

And she? Maybe Allen had suggestions, but it didn't change the fact that it had come from him. She, Raz, had nothing.

She was still as lost as when she had woken up in that forest.

It felt weird, that all she could remember from her life was from some weeks ago and yet she had actually lived longer than just that.

Oh, but it wasn't just that. There was an answer, was it not? And it was pretty obvious as well, dancing in front of her with despise, echoing in the memory of that man's voice whose golden eyes had nothing if not a pleasure for others' pain and dark desires.

" _I could_ drag _you back home_. _Say_ , Raz… _Don't you want to see your_ family? _Don't you want to know_ who you are _?"_

Yes, of course she did. But if the price was leaving Allen, who had been at her side since she had woken up and Alison, Samuel, Elana and Lauren, who had been so kind to both of them, then it wasn't worth it. It just wasn't.

Right?

Fear lurked inside, a poison that just waited for the propitious occasion to revive and dig its claws in her. Meeting Tyki Mikk hadn't been cause for any sort of comfort, as one could have thought since they were the same sort of being.

It had left her just feeling more confused and lost.

" _The same sort of being as the one who makes those akumas…_ "

She almost laughed of herself… She was so _pathetic._

And she loathed feeling as such, but that felt like a lost battle. She could distract herself, she could exile all that to the depths of her mind, but that was no victory…

For _this_ she was feeling now, she had a name: Despair.

And the soft, sweet poison that it was, it seduced her. It was not a lightning storm, but a river of calm waters that would drag her slowly, isolating her in a cocoon, knowing Raz had no strength to resist, nor hope to free herself.

There was no hope.

There was no light.

Despair.

"Damn it all…" Raz muttered to herself.

Feeling she was free from the dust and sweat, the girl left the bathtub, stepping on the rug at the side and wrapping herself in a towel, water dripping from her dark hair.

Her body still felt tired than it had the right to be.

She would follow her own way, even if she had to find it by stepping in thorns barefooted. Raz would have liked to be able to say that this decision suffocated every seed of fear and that it turned her bones into iron.

But it would have been a lie.

**XxX**

"You know that Cross knew Mana and Neah as well, don't you?" Mother asked during lunch. Raz had ate little and excused herself soon, wanting to lie down in the guest's room that Allen and Lenalee had shared last time. Allen wasn't sure if she was still upset with him or if there was some other reason. Both were likely options.

Maybe she was just tired?

"And you…?"

"No, not me." The woman denied with a shake of her head, serving herself with more of the meat Barbar had prepared. The man was outside, tending the flowers. "Cross met them when they were younger and they became good friends." She became thoughtful, frowning for a moment while Allen wondered _how_ that had happened…

"What I know is that Cross was already an Exorcist by then, but for what little he would say, I took that it was never an issue among them. Even when Cross became a General, it didn't change things between them. He kept it a secret from the Order, of course…"

The idea of a Noah being friends with a General was not something Allen could easily imagine. Not so much due to Cross alone, but also due to his own experiences with the Noahs… He didn't think he and Raz counted, as there were other circumstances to be taken into account… He had gathered from when his Master had told him of Mana and Neah being brothers that he had known them, but to actively hear, to have someone affirming they had been _friends_ …

Allen had never thought much about Mana and Neah's _family._ He had been used to think of Mana as a wandering pierrot just like, when he was a child, he had grown used to never think about his own biological parents. In one occasion, Allen _had_ actually asked Mana where he came from, to which Mana would just laugh and mess his hair while saying " _Of all places! That's what means to be a traveler, Allen!"_ and in the few times he had questioned the man about his family, the answers were similar, giving Allen the idea that Mana, like him, didn't have anyone.

And in the few times he had thought about Neah's family, it had been just regarding the Clan, despite knowing he was Mana's brother…

"Mana… He wasn't a Noah." Allen muttered. That was strange, wasn't it? The Noahs always displayed nothing but despise towards humans, yet Road had talked of Mana without signs of scorn and from the little he had gathered, it was as if Mana and Neah had been extremely close, no matter if one was a Noah and the other was just a human.

"No, he wasn't." Mother nodded. "I don't know much… You know Cross, he speaks little of himself and his life. There are things I just picked up with time. The other Noahs didn't seem to dislike Mana either, to be honest. I could be mistaken, but that's the impression I had…"

Allen thought about it as well… And from what he had heard, the Noah Clan and the Earl hadn't been truly seen for years. He supposed this could be easily explained by the Earl waiting for the cycle of incarnation, or whatever they called it, to start again.

"He knew Neah would be back, somehow." Allen commented, remembering when Cross had told him about the Fourteenth. "Cross said he watched over Mana, that was how he found me that night…"

He tried to not feel uncomfortable with this idea. Mother watched him for a second and then nodded, shrugging one shoulder.

"And he offered help, not caring about the fact that he was a Noah. I told you, Allen, they were _friends_. Well…" She reconsidered, looking through the window, watching Barbar trimming a bush, apparently whistling. "As much as he could be friends with anyone."

The woman also seemed to find the mental image of Cross being someone's friend, actual _friend,_ quite weird. It was not different from how Allen had felt when Samuel had told him the same thing.

" _That's the kind of trust Master inspires."_ No surprise in this.

"However, how Neah did come to be among the Noah Clan, that I don't know." The woman admitted. "Cross never talked about it." Not that she had asked much, she knew until what point she could interrogate Cross and which questions he wouldn't offer a reply to. And insisting would never be of any help with that man.

The existence of a Fourteenth member in a Clan that, by a rule, had only thirteenth members, had also left Allen (as eveyone who had heard about it), curious. And just like the majority of things related to Neah, the boy had avoided thinking much about it. Before, the certainty that he would kill himself, should he ever feel the genes of Noah agitating in him, had been quite enough for Allen.

Now he understood he had been wrong.

"But you helped Cross, knowing about it…" He started, unsure of how to ask why. Mother, however, understood and her gaze was harsh once more. Not due to being angry, but because she was not the focus here and didn't like to be sidetracked in a conversation.

"I did." She sighed, running her hand over her hair and noticing how Allen looked at her "Yes, yes, you may find it weird, since I support the Order, but there are things you come to see with age, boy. Do you want to know something?"

Allen was surprised to hear a certain dryness coming to her voice that had nothing to do with smoking or himself. The smile she offered was just a gesture of the muscles, with little to no humor on it.

"There is no such thing as a "good" and "bad" side in war, no matter what we would like to believe. There are things the Order did that I don't agree… And…" Mother hesitated and shook her head, apparently deciding it would be better to simplify what she had to say. "Cross was his friend. Regarding you, there was nothing I could do, in any way. I told you, I'm happy you didn't get possessed by Neah…"

Allen nodded slowly. While he didn't think the Earl had the right to give moral lessons to anyone and he could perhaps engage in a debate about what fear could do to people some other time, Allen would never, _ever_ see what the Order had done to Kanda and Alma as "acceptable".

No matter how dire their situation was.

"He betrayed them. The Clan…" Allen commented, not saying what Road had confided in him: That Neah had actually fought for Mana (she had called it a secret and Allen would respect that as such). Perhaps Neah had been trying to keep his brother safe from the other Noahs? Mother said that for what she knew, the rest of the Clan at least tolerated him, but what if things had changed?

The conjecture had its sense.

"That he did. Don't ask me why… All I know is that he killed them all, save for two. The Earl himself and that one they call the Eldest child or something." The old woman waved her hand in a movement that could be meant to send a fly away. Allen knew who it was, that Eldest Child: Road. "However, during all the time, he and Mana were being hunted, as you can imagine."

Yes, he could. More than he would like to be able to. An idea assaulted him now, that there was some kind of parallel between them and he and Raz.

"Did Cross ever said anything about how…" The words found a blockage in his throat and he drank some juice to help. "How I came to be… The host?" After so long with that knowledge, one could expect Allen to be used to it. And they would be wrong.

Mother evaluated him for a long time.

"No… I'm sorry, Allen." She said slowly. "He just said that Mana had found you and he was sure that it was you. He never told me why or how… Somehow, I'm not sure how Cross knew it himself."

" _Maybe he didn't."_ Allen reflected and once more wondered if _Mana_ had known. When he had said he loved him… All the times he had said that… Who he had been actually talking to?

"Now you listen to me: You should be careful, Allen Walker…"

The boy lifted his head, surprised. It wasn't like Mother to speak obvious things that others already knew about.

"You're _not_ stupid, so don't act as if you were and don't ignore the risk you're in" She carried on firmly and, in that moment, there was fire in her and he found himself unable to say anything. "Two energies so opposite cannot be forced to stay in a same space _and you know it_. If you don't take better care, they will destroy you."

Allen felt his shoulders giving in, recalling of when Kanda had pierced him with Mugen and how he had seen himself chained in a nightmare-like scenery, so similar to the one he had seen when Tyki Mikk had almost killed him. That had been the first time he had seen Neah, not as a figure of white eyes, but _clearly_. And in the night of Apocryphos' attack, there had been a similar occurrence, Allen had felt something running through his nerve endings, infiltrating in every cell of his and forcing a change that he could feel, but couldn't control, no more than he could control his own heartbeat.

"I'll be fine…" He tried to smile to Mother, wanting to believe his own words. "Things will work out."

Mother scoffed and shook her head, apparently giving up for now, still giving him a harsh glare before waving her head to the hallway in the guest room's direction.

"And that girl, does she know about all this?" Mother pierced a remaining piece of meat with the fork. "Quiet as she is, I'd take her for a mute."

"It's just how Raz is, really…" She had been like this too, when they had met the Exiled, though he didn't know even now if this had been out of shyness or tension of meeting other Innocence Accommodators or a completely different reason. "But… No, she doesn't know everything."

In another occasion, Allen might have considered telling who Raz actually was, but despite everything he had just heard, it didn't feel like a reasonable course of action even if Mother knew Cross had been friends with a Noah as well. He decided to change the subject.

"Did Cross know any other member of the Clan?"

"If he did, then he never told me. But if you ask me, I think the only one he _truly_ knew was Neah."

**XxX**

Despite its size, the room had just one a circular table at its center, directly under the main light, in a way that made the pillars surrounding it at a certain distance to cast straight shadows on the floor. Except for that, the only source of illumination came from the weaker lights above the stone statues carved in the shape of people with capes over their faces and placed even further away, as if they were observing from a threshold between the game of light and darkness of the room. If they were meant to be angels or saints or previous members who had found distinction, Lenalee never knew.

The lights spread on the ceiling weren't enough to proper illuminate all of the room and the walls were left to the shadows that seemed to move if someone looked too much at them, due to optical illusion.

The room's basic layout was as the one of the previous Headquarters and if the intention of whoever had decided to place those statues had been to relieve the pressure of the environment and reproduce the soft atmosphere of a church, then they had failed miserably.

But perhaps the blame was not of the room in itself, but of the people.

Not that all of them intimated her, but Lenalee would have felt better without so many eyes upon her. At her side, Chaozii kept his head high, but she noticed there was some nervousness in his expression just as well. Not that she would blame him.

At the table, besides the Generals, there were the leaders of the other branches that had been able to attend, her brother Komui, and, as it couldn't be any other way, Levelier. Under the white light his eyes resembled cold iron more than never to the girl.

"I believe it is better to start at once, is it not?" Levelier said, and a man with whom Lenalee had never spoken to before, but who she believed to be a kind of secretary, stood up and started to talk.

"Lenalee Lee and Chaozii Han, Exorcists owners of the Dark Boots and the Arm of Baptism, from the Klaud and Tiedoll units, respectively" He said in a monotone that could very well have been trained. "Both some of the Exorcists who reached the last room in the event known as the Battles of the White Ark, along with Lavi, currently missing, and the now betrayer, Allen Walker."

The last phrase was a knife to Lenalee, who struggled to keep herself quiet. Standing close to the table, she ran her gaze through the others, never stopping much in just one person even if it was hard to look away from Komui. He was her brother and it was in him she always found support during difficult times.

Her breathing was deep and deliberately slow, so no one would notice. In silence, she and Chaozii nodded, confirming the young man's words. Even if she wanted to ask what they wanted, it was far too easy to have an idea for her to try taking refuge, even for just some moments, in doubt.

And the girl didn't know if that would be much better.

Chaozii felt overwhelmed in the presence of the leaders and Generals, however he kept his chin raised, pressing his teeth strongly. He was an Exorcist and would fulfill any duty that was necessary. It was the least he could do for the memories of Anita and all those who had died in the ship, so long ago… They were his reasons to keep fighting.

He needed to honor their memories.

"After the Noahs' attacks to every unit and their Generals, Chaozii Han was found suffering strange symptoms of unknown nature which left him in a comatose-like state for weeks. A few days ago, he woke up. All exams until now presented normal results and he seems fully recovered." With a light bow as mechanic as his voice, the young man took his seat once more. Lenalee had barely heard all that.

"How do you feel, Chaozii Han?" Levelier asked with the usual smile to which the other nodded.

"Quite well, sir." He replied, trying to keep his voice firm. It wouldn't be good if he let out how nervous he was in the presence of his superiors. And like Lenalee, he also had a good idea of what was the matter at hand.

"Nice to know, nice to know. I do regret that we must go back to such a repetitive subject." Levelier apologized, not only to them but to his colleagues around. "However, since you woke up and recovered, Mr. Han, I believe it would be good to review some details of past events that may help us."

"Help with what?" Klaud asked politely and nothing more, her dark gaze diverging from the two Exorcists and fixated upon Levelier. She never had had patience for amenities that meant nothing at all and would rather prefer if they went straight to the point.

"Well…" Levelier turned to her, as if the question had surprised him. "To comprehend some of the events involving the traitor. Now, Lenalee…"

Hearing her name being pronounced by that man always caused the girl to shiver, bringing by force memories of the times she had tried to run away until the Central, tired of her "bad behavior" and refusal, had given strict orders to keep her tied to a bed night and day, under constant vigilance. Days had soon lost meaning, just like her reality…

"You were present until the moment Walker assumed his place as "Player", weren't you?"

She agreed with a nod. No sense in lying.

"I thought you had already investigated everything about this?" Someone asked.

"Yes, but we're not focusing just in the Ark in this case." Levelier continued. "Our main focus is Allen Walker."

There was no surprise in this at all.

Komui didn't move or blink to this. There was no fooling yourself with the believe that the Order would ever let Allen be… His mind ran through several phrases, evaluating and rejecting each one, considering the consequences of every term. Nothing he thought about sounded good enough. There was no way he could keep Allen safe from here and he was no dreamer to the point of wearing a veil over his eyes to turn away from reality. He didn't believe there was any way to make Levelier (or any of the others) to listen the voice of reason.

After all, this was the man who had suggested submitting Allen to the torture of Inquisition when he had returned.

"What do you want to know?" Chaozii asked. "I mean, a lot of things happened…" And those weren't pleasant memories.

"For starters.… How did Allen Walker control the Ark the very first time?"

Chaozii went quiet at the question that had been asked before. Just like then, he couldn't answer, for in the middle of the fight against the Noah Tyki Mikk or whatever the name was, he had fallen along with Lavi and the next memory was of waking up in the floor of the Ark that was remaking itself. Lenalee took a deep breath. That had been _months_ ago and she had believed they had already told the superiors everything they could.

"The Ark was coming apart around us. We had been fighting Tyki, the Noah of Pleasure." Just the memory was disturbing enough to invite a rebellion of her senses against something that was an _atrocity_ , that dark shape that seemed to have no reason or sense, at least not one comprehensible to the human mind. The desire of killing seemed to be the only thing moving that body and nothing else… There were no similarities between that and the Noah who had been talking to Allen just a few moments ago. "General Cross arrived and helped us, but then the Earl appeared and took Tyki out of the Ark. While things were falling apart, the General told Allen that he had interrupted the download for a while, said some words I didn't understand, kind of spell-like, and sent Allen to another room and just told him to play the piano…"

"Even though Allen Walker, following what he claimed back then, had never played a piano in all his life? And with a score made of symbols completely unknown, not belonging to any language known to man?"

Lenalee nodded carefully once more, aware that she was in a field where traps were hiding in words and any wrong term would later be used against her. But she had already told them about all that, all of those who had been in the Battles of the Ark had…

"Allen was really disturbed afterwards." She couldn't help but to say. "When we entered the room, he was confused about what had happened, too! Exactly because he didn't know _how_ he had been able to do this, but in the end, it was thanks to his playing that we could come back home safely."

This had to count for something, right?

Chaozii didn't offer any input, but he also remembered of that same battle and what he had witnessed there wouldn't ever leave his mind. It had proved what he had believed in the battle against the akumas attacking Anita's ship: That the Noahs were even worse than the akumas, real monsters who took delight in hurting people. Their very existence was a crime against nature.

"Do we need to talk about this?" Sokaro asked, relaxing in his chair, the eyes seeming to gleam behind his metal mask with something very close to boredom. Komui half expected the man to rest his feet on the table to emphasize his lack of interest. "We talked about it before, we're already using the Ark, why go back to the same damn thing?"

"Dear General," Levelier replied without any alteration in his tone. "What we're investigating here is not the Ark, properly, but Allen Walker's behavior. After all, the Ark couldn't leave Edo due to the Fourteenth and now we can't use it in its full potential or study it as well as we could thanks to Walker."

He didn't need to verbalize address the similarity he found between the two cases, his soft tone left it clear enough. One of the supervisors of another section scoffed, twisting his lips.

"So, the Fourteenth is a traitor no matter what side he pretends to be?"

"Allen didn't…" Lenalee started, but Chaozii's voice echoed in the room.

"He wanted to save a Noah."

This attracted everyone's attention. The silence that followed was that of a graveyard.

Lenalee's eyes went to each one of the people sitting at the table. Some of the branch chiefs and supervisors seemed surprised and then disgusted, others rolled their eyes as if they had expected something of this nature already. Tiedoll, resting his back on the chair, studied either Chaozii or her and didn't express much. Sokaro scoffed a laugh that sounded metallic due to his mask and Klaud remained quiet. One of Komui's hands seemed to shiver, but he kept a controlled expression.

"Do you mind relating this calmly, Chaozii Han?" Levelier asked slowly leaning forward with a soft expression that Lenalee didn't like one bit. The Inspector frequently behaved in such way, making it hard to say what he was truly thinking.

"Allen just…"

"Forgive me, Lenalee, but I'll ask you to be quiet." He said just as pleasantly, without looking at her. The girl turned to Chaozii, not believing what she was hearing, but the man just stood straighter and carried on.

"When Lavi got free from the control of the Noah girl who was there, we were afraid that the door she had _claimed_ to have created as a way out would disappear, so we climbed to the top." To this, some of the present exchanged looks. The whole deal sounded like a perfect opportunity for the Noahs to leave the Exorcists there to die, so they doubted the Noah in question had been telling the truth about a "way out". Lenalee, sincerely, didn't know what to believe in this case. Road hadn't seemed to be lying, however she wasn't foolish to just go and accept whatever she said based on this, no matter how sincere Road had seemed at the time.

But the Noahs had treated all that as a sort of game, at least that was what it had felt like, so where would the fun be if there was no real risk? And on another hand, wouldn't they have had a real laugh if the Exorcists eventually won just to find out it had been all in vain?

" _It seems no one can ever understand them. And what difference does that make? That was a long time ago and what matters is that we survived!"_

"When we were in the top of the tower, there was indeed a door there." Chaozii's mouth twisted as if he had bit something sour as he was barely able to contain his anger. That should have been the proof, the first sign in his opinion, of what sort of person Allen Walker truly was. God, he had been so _blind_! If he had said something as soon as they all had arrived at the Order, perhaps a lot of things could have been avoided. "We were about to go through it, but then Allen Walker said that we should go ahead while he would go fetch the male Noah and the Earl's umbrella golem."

His words had the effect of a gunshot.

A buzz of furious bees rose in the air when the people started to mutter to themselves or to a person at their side, too low for Lenalee to listen.

"Allen just did that because he believed he had _exorcized_ the Noah!" She said fast, suffocating those sounds with her own voice, even if she wasn't sure Allen wouldn't have done the same regardless of this. She looked at the others, seeing no understanding from them. "Allen had activated his Exorcist Sword when Tyki created a void around him! He wanted to exterminate the Noah without hurting the human, even Tyki said so."

"His sword which looks just like the Earl's, just the colors inverted."

"No, no… You have seen it, it destroys akumas." She insisted. "And it has an effect in the Noahs too, so it _is_ an Innocence. Otherwise, Hevlaska would have felt when he went through observation." One that had been demanded by the Central. It hadn't been much, just the same standard examination all Exorcists went through, and Hevlaska had confirmed that sword was Innocence and nothing else.

Komui looked to his sister, unable to interfere or say anything. It was clear she was all out to defend Allen as she could, even aware that the Central could not like this… General Sokaro made a low sound of neglect, but didn't say anything.

"Yet, he meant to save the life of a _Noah_."

"If he had killed him and not tried to mere _exorcize it_ , it would have been better."

"Wasn't he the one what afterwards almost killed you? With that black form you spoke of?"

"Gentlemen, please!" Levelier lifted his hand, asking for silence before turning to Lenalee. "I'm sorry to say, but there is reason in what we just heard. Don't you think it would have been more sensate to leave the Noah behind and to ensure it was dead?"

"Allen isn't like this…" Lenalee continued, feeling a shiver inside at their refusal to understand. "He always wants to save lives."

The others observed her without saying anything. Behind the mask, it was possible to see Sokaro's eyes sliding from one person at the table to another. They were so pale that the cornea and iris were almost one and it wasn't uncommon for people, at a fist glance, take the man for blind.

He wasn't very interested in this conversation. If asked, in a war, there was no sense in getting tied to the " _what if_ " and " _maybe_ ". The _fact_ was that Allen Walker had Noah genes, this had been proved and he had almost turned into a Noah due to Yuu Kanda's attack. Conclusion? It would have been better to just kill him right there, then they wouldn't be here having this pointless discussion now.

" _Save lives?_ It was a fucking _Noah!_ The same Noah that killed several of ours, tried to destroy Walker's Innocence and almost killed him and could have killed you all too." One of the chiefs, the same that had commented about the Fourteenth's betrayals, said looking at her in shock. "It hardly sounds like someone worthy saving!"

"He thought he had exorcized the Noah…" Lenalee repeated, as she couldn't deny any of what he had said about Tyki. The memory of him holding her behind, speaking almost gently on her ear about how women should die beautiful made her sick. "And that he had turned into a normal person."

"So?" The man asked, apparently divided between being confused or just repulsed by the whole idea. "Exorcized or not, he would still be the one who killed several innocent people. It wouldn't have changed anything."

Klaud had her gaze on Lenalee. When the Central had reorganized the General's units, the young girl had been placed in hers and before that, the blonde woman had had little to no contact with her. Now, Klaud felt the pulsation in her voice and saw her eyes shining like crystals in her anxiety to be heard. But if the girl thought she was doing anyone any good by letting her words run wild like this, she was insane.

" _Be quiet, Lenalee…"_ The woman thought, muscles of her face arranged in a calculated mask of flesh that she had learnt to use since years ago. " _You won't get anything like this and you won't be helping anyone, just be quiet."_

"Perhaps he was already leaning to the Noahs' side and was just pretending." Someone suggested.

"There is this possibility." Levelier agreed with a nod. "As terrible as it sounds. If Allen Walker was not dominated by the Fourteenth yet, when did he decide to betray the Order? After all, he left on his own free will, opening so many portals… Sadly, there is no other name for this action besides _deserting_."

" _After what you did, Levelier, I don't find it surprising_ at all." Komui thought with poison. The only name _he_ could call that was hypocrisy, simple and pure, at least coming from the Inspector. Komui wouldn't be surprised if some people were thinking the same, without cynicism… But he had already understood most of them wouldn't be.

He couldn't help an unpleasant taste on the base of his stomach at the memory of Allen being taken to dungeons.

"It is very admirable," Another supervisor of some research division commented in a careful tone. "That you are so loyal even to those who are no longer your friends, miss, but…"

"Allen was always an Exorcist." Lenalee replied in the same moment, not thinking anymore, the heat taking over her voice. "He lives to save people's souls, the ones caged in the akumas."

At her side, Chaozii remained in silence and just looked from her to the supervisors speaking, without manifesting himself. And at the moment, Lenalee's focus had nothing to do with him.

"Yes, Lenalee, and this devotion was always admirable," Another man said, almost as if breaking news of the death of a loved one to someone. "However, we can't deny that Walker's actions do not _match_ with those of an Exorcist or an innocent person. We can't deny he killed Howard Link. Noah or human, he turned out to be quite dangerous to everyone…"

"The damn brat is a danger just by _existing."_ Sokaro said, waving his heavy hand. "What matters what he did or his intentions before? What _truly_ matters here is what happened and what we know: He is a Noah. We don't need more than that!"

"We're the weak side in this war." The man who had spoken before said. "It is pleasant to think it would be possible to win without dirtying our hands, but we…"

Sokaro interrupted with a laughter that sounded a growl through the metal.

" _Dirtying our hands?_ The Noah kill without a second thought and don't consider themselves humans anyway, do they?" He pointed out and shrugged. "I see no crime in killing them. They are less than rabid animals."

Lenalee could just stare at them, not knowing what else she could say, how to make them understand they were _mistaken_. There were several other explanations for what had happened, the idea of Allen killing Link was ridiculous. They just were so convinced that he would become a Noah that they were willing to accept anything as evidence of it.

At her side, Chaozii remained serious as he observed the exchange, his thoughts in a completely different stand than hers. If asked, the evidences that Allen had killed Howard Link were great: The young man had been alone with Walker and had been found dead. And several people had spotted Timcampy flying with two Noahs and Allen. If the latter didn't mean to join the Noah Clan, why had he run away? Why Timcampy had flew with _all_ of them, when he could easily get rid of the Noah right there? The hypothesis of a kidnapping didn't hold water when one of them had been standing on the Golem while it held Walker and another Noah in its mouth. If it had been a kidnapping, that would have been Timcampy's opportunity to avoid it.

And as Sokaro had said, Walker did have Noah genes.

He was like them, whether he wanted/liked or not. Pretend this wasn't the reality didn't help anyone at all.

"Perhaps he accepted this and decided to change sides…" Another man whispered, as if more to himself than to anyone else.

"You're a good friend, Lenalee. It's terrible that Walker has stomped on your friendship in such way."

"I'm afraid we're getting sidetracked from the matter, gentlemen." Levelier commented loudly. "Walker showed sympathy for a Noah, the reason or what he was thinking doesn't matter, and when he operated the Ark for the first time…"

Klaud was in silence, pretending to be paying attention without actually looking at anyone. Internally, she was remembering of when the Noah Lulubell had invaded the previous Headquarters, the akuma who had been with her and the one who had, on the occasion, evolved to a Level Four.

The behavior Allen Walker had displayed during the event, the first time the woman had had actual contact with Cross' apprentice didn't match the things said now either… The facts may point to that conclusion, but there was something in all of this that just didn't _fit_.

"Allen said he would kill himself if he ever felt the Fourteenth waking in him…" Lenalee muttered. "He always said that he would, should he feel he was becoming a Noah."

Levelier heard it and lifted the iron eyes to her.

One of the other men, the one who had said Allen had stepped on their friendship, sighed.

"Yes, miss Lee, he said so. But people can change."

* * *

**Wolf: Things are heating up in the Order. And not going well…**

**Krory: When things _HAVE_ been going well here, with all respect, miss?**

**Wolf: Allow me to make a question: Things _could_ be going well?**

**Krory: Yeah, you got me with this one.**

**Wolf: Not as many revelations as it could have been, but c'mon, no one expected Mother to have ALL answers right away, right?**

**Allen: Will we EVER know the truth?**

**Ana: Of course you will! I have all planned, but there is nothing here you'll find out the easy way! But it helps to start thinking about some details. Also, please guys, keep in mind that English is not my first language, so if there is a mistake anywhere, please forgive me and tell me. Another thing: I planned this _entire_ story during the _hiatus_ of Hoshino, right after Allen left the Order and meeting Johnny. So, what I mean is that my story has little to _nothing_ to do with the canon regarding certain things, especially chapters after those. We're good? Okay then. **

**Wisely: I'm just wondering when WE will back to the story.**

**Wolf: You do know you're not the only characters in this, right?**

**Wisely: Then why are you even writing this to begin with?**


	13. Act Thirteen – Shattered Flowers

_"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted are the most terrible poverty"_ – Mother Teresa

The sunset spilled itself over all it touched, a thin sheet of gold and orange. When the breeze of the afternoon's ending caressed the leaves, their shivering made one think of waves in a lake of gold as the sky was made of soft reds and oranges, a sea of autumn though the season itself was months away.

The air carried traits of aromas, wild flowers, grass, but always suave.

The boy's clothing reflected the lasting sun as he walked, a figure between a clown and a pierrot: The collar was black, almost a silk material, wrapped around his neck and part of his shoulders and the three buttons in front of his suit were made of a black fur-like material. The blouse and pants of the suit were of a loose fabric that seemed to follow his movements and, except for the end of the pants and sleeves adorned with black threads, it was completely white-silver.

"You were great." The girl at his side commented quietly, though there was a shine in her eyes. The boy smiled.

"You know, it was kinda nostalgic?" Allen had his face so hidden under the white and black makeup that it was hard to see his expression lines. "I don't even believe that Mother kept all this for so long!"

He gestured down with his free hand, showing his attire and the briefcase-like bag he was carrying, which contained several colorful balls as well as other trinkets used in performances. He wore gloves of the same silk-like fabric that made the rest of his clothes. The short, black strands in the end of his sleeves waved at each movement he made.

Last night, during dinner, the conversation had turned to the last time Allen had visited, changes in the city and, at some point, Barbar had commented they still had Allen's stuff from back when he was younger. After he had recovered and was ready to leave with Cross, quite a few of the possessions from when he traveled with Mana had been left behind.

Allen sincerely had thought that the old woman would have thrown everything in the trash by now, and had been surprised to see them so well kept. His small clown suit and Mana's, the balls, hoops and even the small flute that Mana had taught him to play…

A part of him had always regretted leaving that behind, his decision of moving forwards in his new life nonstanding.

For some moments, Allen had examined each object carefully, as a person does upon finding a box of remains from years long gone. Suddenly, taken by an impulse that found support in an idea, he had asked for needle and line, trying to patch the old suits.

Barbar had soon got excited and convinced Allen to let him help, which had improved the situation as his handwork was not quite as good as the man's. The pompons of the blouse had been dyed, a colorful collar had been cut as well as some pendants that adorned the suits, both being cut in order to sew a new one.

In the following afternoon, right after lunch and having finished the chores they did for Mother as thanks for the hospitability (they would do what could, helping Barbar with the house, tending the garden under his instructions, shopping and cooking. Raz seemed to also take the chance to learn whatever she could), Allen had called Raz to go to the city with him, wearing a new suit, his face covered in makeup.

And in a corner of a street, he had performed.

Fights and fights with akumas along the years had improved reflexes and coordination that he had already trained as a child, giving his acrobatics a natural grace that had made them into a dance, balls making circles in the air as he juggled them. Some children had let out small, excited-sounding cries at seeing him twirling in the air and landing like a cat, catching a hoop before it fell.

After a while, deciding it was already enough, he had passed with a hat among the presents with a bow, a black clown smile painted on his face. Some spectators had just left, but a few had dropped some coins.

"You're so good at this…" Raz nodded as she remembered. She hadn't ever seen something like that, of course and had been curious until finally watching, fascinated. "Was Mana who taught you all this?" The question was not without a certain caution, as Allen had told her last night a little more about his adoptive father and how they performed together back when he was a child.

Allen had also confessed what had been Mana's end and the start of his curse.

Raz had been more than just bothered by this... If Mana hadn't been able to curse Allen and his arm hadn't reacted, Allen would most likely be dead, an akuma wearing his skin as his father's soul was tortured inside it. This somehow made things personal between him and the Earl, or at least she felt it as such.

Regardless of the hatred she had felt before, regardless of the reasons behind it, at that moment she had been only thankful for the Innocence's existence. And hearing his tale, she had suddenly wished she was just a normal human and not part of a Clan who was _responsible_ for such things.

The boy smiled softly. His eyes had also been painted with black, making four thick lines around them. Along with the smile, this worked to bring out his eyes, almost turning the grey into silver.

"Yes, it was him. I think I was six, perhaps seven, more or less when he took me in…" It was hard to keep track of your own age when no one around you cared about when you had been born or helped you to keep track. And upon learning this, Mana had started to celebrate his birthday on the day he had adopted him. Allen had never had anyone _doing anything like that_ before. "At first, I didn't know how to do anything and just collected the money people gave us and watched our stuff. Mana started to teach me things little by little…"

And he had been patient as well, never losing his temper when Allen couldn't get things right. If anything, when Allen would start cussing that he should just give up, that he _couldn't_ do it (more in a way to hide his own embarrassment and the fear that Mana would tire of him and decide to leave him behind), Mana would sit with him and calmly encourage him to keep trying, at times even holding his hands and guiding him, never once showing a hint of disgust at his red flesh...

"Then, after I got the hang of it, we started to perform together." He carried on, a softness coming to his demeanor that only appeared when he talked about his days with Mana. "There were times we had to sleep in the open air, but even so, Mana always knew what to do or say to not let our moods go down…"

"Sounds like he was very kind…" Raz had tried to imagine him, taking in how Allen looked and sounded when he spoke about the man.

" _Doesn't he remember anything about his real parents?"_ She knew better than to ask such a thing, though.

"He was." Allen replied, eyes lost somewhere in the path ahead without actually seeing it. The loss of his father throbbed. It had never ceased to hurt and he knew it never would. He had just learnt to live with the mourning, which at times was somewhat soothed only by the knowledge they would meet again someday. "He… He always told me we have to keep walking. Keep going on no matter what happens."

And that had turned into a promise to his father.

"To keep walking…" Raz repeated slowly, as if testing the words that reached deep in her. How did you keep walking if you couldn't see the path ahead? When it seemed that it didn't matter how much you walked, you wouldn't be going anywhere?

What was left to do then, she wondered?

"You have always kept walking…" She said quietly, almost to herself. "And now, traveling…"

"Yep. It wasn't always easy, you know, to make our living out of performances. I wasn't the Master of Cards, yet." He added in a false dark tone.

Perhaps he was embellishing the past due to sentimentality, however in his memories, it didn't matter what he was feeling at the moment, even if there was exasperation, annoyance or worry over anything, there was always the warmth for Mana. There was not a single memory of them together where that was not present, even when they argued which had been rare.

Allen had always loved him. He had been the first person to…

He giggled a bit to himself, touching a part of his sleeve.

"It was fun to do this again. Perhaps I should keep performing sometimes…" After all, they needed every extra income they could get. It also occurred to him that many people in the Order knew he was good at gambling and certain people had a good memory for winners. His white hair and scar didn't help in that matter, either… Somehow, this made Allen remember of when Alison had been called paranoid and he wondered what the Exiled would say to this thought of his.

A pierrot, face hidden and voiceless, was easier to not be recognized. It didn't mean he would cease playing cards, but maybe he shouldn't do it as often as before... Oh, what was he thinking? To keep traveling as they were, they would need money.

" _Well, I can do both… And me and Raz can search for temporary jobs as well…_ " That when they decided to stop in a town for long enough.

"It might be a good idea... People liked it, no doubt." Raz said, opening the gate. While passing by Mother's garden, Allen looked briefly at the white flowers he had seen when arriving.

**XxX**

"So, do you have any idea of where you will be going now?" Mother asked with a look of amused curiosity later that night, sitting in a rocking chair, smoke like threads of silver escaping from the end of her smoking pipe. Allen nodded in response. Those last days they had stayed with her had been pleasant, but they couldn't delay much more. It wasn't just the obvious reasons: While Mother wouldn't rattle them out to the Order, it didn't mean an Agent couldn't pass by at any moment to question her.

"Did you learn something that can help, while we stayed here?" Raz had asked last night when they had been talking about it, trying to think about where they could go next.

Allen had been honest, he hadn't found out _much_ , however thinking about Neah and Mana and how their relationship with the rest of the Clan might have been had helped him to make a decision. Raz had just nodded in acceptance and asked him if he had any idea of where they could head next, to which Allen had smiled and muttered.

"Forwards."

Now, Mother asked something of the same nature.

"I know what I have to find…" Not only had, but needed as well. He wasn't quite sure of _where,_ though. Mother evaluated him with her black eyes, as if she could see past his flesh and the workings of his mind, huffing.

"Good. But don't forget what I told you, Allen Walker. Be careful." She groaned, her attention back to the book she had in her lap as she muttered. "You and that Noah girl…"

Allen sighed. He couldn't say it was surprising the woman had realized the truth, but it still shook him a little.

"It is impossible to hide anything, ne?" He smiled guilty and wondered when she had realized it. As if reading his mind, Mother continued.

"I understood it soon enough." It was the response, accompanied by a hint of a knowing smile. "At first, I thought that perhaps she was just a human, but I started noticing this wasn't the case, so, the only other option to what she could be…" She raised her eyes from the pages. "And with you two training in the back of the house, it was easy too…"

Allen scratched the back of his head awkwardly, wondering if something had truly given Raz's nature away or if it was truly just Mother being too observant. During their trainings, they hadn't made use of Innocence or Raz's abilities. And somehow, taking that measure had been for nothing.

"Raz is not dangerous…" He said slowly. Mother stared at him, eyebrows lifted and soon the boy imagined how the Order would have reacted should they ever hear him saying such a thing of a Noah. He half expected Mother to have a comment of own about it.

"What is _her_ deal then?" There was no reprimand in her words, just a simple curiosity. It occurred to Allen that maybe there no way for Mother to be surprised with Raz, since she knew Cross and Neah had been friends despite being in opposite sides of that war just as well. Still, he hadn't felt… Well, _safe_ , in just go and tell her about what Raz really was.

" _She was present in the events involving Neah, but she doesn't look older than me…"_ Road had also been there and she looked even _younger_ than he by some years. Did Noah age at a different pace than people? Or something else had happened?

"She doesn't remember anything… She didn't even know what Noahs _were_ when I found her." He waited to see if Mother would ask for details of their meeting, but the woman merely frowned and went back to her reading again, turning one of the pages.

"That's quite _weird_. Oh, well, maybe you'll find the answers you seek together…"

Allen wondered if she had reacted in a similar way when she had learnt that Cross was Neah's friend. Perhaps it had been the respect she always displayed for others' business that had helped Cross to feel like he could tell her about it and that Allen was the host…

And not for the first time, he wondered at what side the old woman truly was as he remembered what she had said, about neither side being right or wrong in a war. Allen was quite willing to bet that other people, who knew of those events and the existence of Akumas and Noahs, might have had a very different reaction from that simple acceptance.

He looked at the window's direction. It was already dark outside. Raz wasn't in the house, after helping Barbar with the dishes, she had left to the garden.

"Hey, Barbar?" He called, approaching the table where the man was examining some new seeds that he had asked Raz and Allen to buy when they had gone to town. They were smaller than peas and looked fragile in his large hands.

"Do you know those white flowers that I was seeing when we arrived? At the side of the house?"

"Yeah, sure! I planted them! They are so pretty, aren't them?" The man nodded enthusiastically with a huge smile, proud of his work in the garden.

"Yes, they are…" Allen wasn't agreeing just for the sake of it, there was no denying that Barbar had a talent with plants. "What are they?"

"Ericas!"

"Look, do you know a flower… Its petals are a bit separated?" He joined his index fingers and separated them slowly, but soon knew this was of no help whatsoever. "Wait, I'll try drawing them…"

"Oh, no, wait, I got a better idea!" Barbar stood, the smile never leaving his face and, as always, bestowing him an almost child-like appearance despite his age as he walked to the shelves at the side of the window, not needing to search before picking a large book.

"Here! It is my favorite book!" He handed it to Allen, who examined it. The cover was of a dark green, with the figure of a white, leaf-less tree. "I'm sure you'll find the flower you're talking about in here!" He didn't seem curious as to why Allen would want to check on that, which was fine with the boy as well.

"Thanks, Barbar!" Sitting at the table, Allen started to go through the pages. He could see why it was the man's favorite book and why he was sure it would help. There were large photos of flowers, with their names in black letters at the top and information, going from genus and family to how to plant and care for them, where they could be easily found and more. At the end of each section, there was a small square: _Meanings._

He knew where he had seen that white flower, Erica, before and it hadn't been in a garden.

It had been one of the flowers engraved on the door of the room where he had found Raz.

At first, Allen hadn't given much thought to it, however, seeing them here had made him curious, even if just to know what they were. With care, he turned the pages, keeping in mind the figures of the three flowers he had seen.

He stopped at a page, the photo showing small flowers blooming among the snow. There was just one at the end of each green stalk, the petals of a piercing white that rivaled the snow around, curved towards the ground as if bowing to an invisible being.

" _Snowdrop"_ He read. " _Genus_ Galantus, _from Greek, "_ milk flower" _has 20 species_. _It is one of the rare flowers that does not possess color variation. Those flowers are perennials and can be poisonous if ingested in large quantities, causing nausea and vomiting. More frequently found in…"_

His eyes went to the small square at the end of the information regarding the planting and care for those who wanted to have them in their gardens, as those details didn't interest him much.

" _There are several legends regarding the origins of the Snowdrop. A Germanic one affirms that when God created the snow, He sent it to visit flowers and gather their colors, however the only flower to accept it was the snowdrop. Touched by how the flower wanted nothing in return, the snow decided to make a deal: In exchange for its generosity, the snowdrop would always be the first to bloom in Spring. Another one relates that, after being casted out from Eden, Eve walked the hard and cold earth with Adam. It was a wasteland without the birds or flowers that had been in the Garden of Eden and in her sorrow, she sat down and cried. God, taking pity on her, sent an Angel to comfort her. The Angel approached Eve and encouraged her to have hope, holding snowflakes that were falling and blowing on them, making them turn into flowers upon touching the Earth, showing her that the winter would not last forever."_ He skipped some lines.

" _Meaning: Comfort. For being the first flower to bloom, it is also considered a symbol of rebirth and hope, as well as purity due to the lack of other variant colors. It is believed to assist in times of grievance. However, curiously, due to being poisonous and for how they can grow in cemeteries, there are places where they were considered symbols of death and it is bad luck to bring them home. Seeing just a single flower is also a premonition of death."_

Allen looked at the photo for some seconds, a frown appearing in his face.

Coincidence?

A flower symbolizing comfort and rebirth (and according to the book, death) carved on that door… And Raz there, chained as if deceased and forgotten by the world. Many times, Allen had wondered just for how long she had stayed there and how on Earth she had _survived_. After a while, Allen had concluded that there had to be something in the Ark itself keeping her alive and didn't think he was far off. He hadn't forgotten how the chains had seemed to contain something running through the links. And the flowers of that place, despite being alive, never seemed to need water or care and yet, they never withered…

He turned some pages. Comfort and rebirth… Hope… Death…

" _Who put you there, Raz? And why would they do it?"_ There were some doors in the Ark that just wouldn't open no matter what and Neah's reflection in that mirror had told him, when Allen had entered the Pianist's Room for the first time, that it was a room even the Millennium Earl was unaware of. Therefore, it wasn't impossible that there were _more_ rooms out of his access and perhaps even _knowledge_. Right?

Following this idea, wasn't it _also_ possible that there were other similar rooms created by other Noahs? But this also meant there was no way to be sure who was the responsible for Raz's condition. Would the Earl have allowed the Ark to be destroyed, had he known Raz was there?

For this, Allen had no idea of what the answer would be.

Those meanings…

Another photo called his attention.

Like the snowdrop, it had been in the door, in the lower right corner.

Several blue flowers, with six petals each, turned down. They looked like bells.

"Hyacinthoides non-scripta _. Bluebell."_ The book said. " _With a strong smell, they are blue-violet, though rare pink or white specimens can be found. Their interior is yellow or white. The common name comes from their distinct tubular appearance and their petals, which gives them a bell-shape. Those flowers…"_

Once more, Allen ignored the rest of the text and went to the square at the end of the section.

" _Bluebells are also called harebells in Scotland, due to the ancient belief that witches would turn into hares and hide among them. Other legends affirm such flowers could be used to call upon fairies, making it bad luck to walk in a field, as it was seen as a place of spells or to bring them home. Herbalists used to believe Bluebells could be used to prevent nightmares and would use them as medicine for spider bites and tuberculosis, however those flowers can be poisonous."_

Though it was indeed strange that both flowers were poisonous, Allen wasn't sure this meant anything and went forward to the next lines.

" _Meaning: As many flowers, the bluebell can represent different emotions, depending of the context. With its bell form and how it seems to bow down, their most common meaning is humility. Other possible meanings are gratitude, loyalty, constancy and everlasting bonds. It is also related to death in Britain, being often planted in graves."_

Allen read the words once more.

" _Loyalty, constancy, everlasting bonds. Often planted in graves."_

There was no way of knowing which specific meaning the person had had in mind when carving them on that door. Bluebells and snowdrops, both had an association with death as well… But it was wrong. _Raz hadn't been dead_. Allen realized he had been holding the page a little stronger than necessary.

Gratitude sounded out of place considering the state Raz had been, but with the snowdrop meaning rebirth and hope, perhaps gratitude for something she had done? And hope that she would wake up? No, wait, she wouldn't have woken up on her own, she had done so a little after Allen had released her. And humility wasn't exactly something easily associated with the Noahs…

" _I_ really _love you, Allen. But my family is also special to me. This feeling is the same as yours."_ Road's words were whispered in his mind, as if he was being haunted by a ghost.

 _"Please, boy, do you_ actually _believe I would hurt a_ member of the family?" He had understood well the hidden meaning in Tyki's words that night. The Noah of Pleasure hadn't been referring just to Raz, but to _him_ as well.

" _Loyalty, constancy, everlasting bonds."_

Perhaps the bond among the Noah was everlasting… But then, why had Neah killed them?

Taking a deep breath, Allen turned more pages, burying those thoughts and the waves that once more agitated inside him. They wouldn't be of any utility right now and this wasn't about him, it was about Raz.

Circular flowers and flowers in the shape of tubes, lilies and roses, petals as small as a fingernail and others so large that each flower could only hold four…

Then, he found it.

It was the same flower, small and white, that there was in the garden. Erica, Barbar had called it.

"Calluna vulgaris _, also called Heather. A flowering shrub that can remain green during all year, this genus of plant has resistant seeds which can last…"_

It was the bigger flower, the one that had been carved in relief on the top of the door, among lines and above the circle with the runes.

" _In Scotland, it was believed that such flowers stood for protection and could be used as charms. It was also said that no white exemplar would bloom in places where blood had been spilled, while the pink or purple ones were considered to be marked by blood. A Scottish legend speaks of a lovely young daughter of a Celtic bard who was in love with a warrior who had to leave for war. A messenger returned with a heather, token of his love, and news of his death. The young woman unable to ever be comforted, wept and it was her tears that turned the purple flowers into white ones."_

In the last line, only two words.

" _Meaning: Loneliness."_

**XxX**

In the same way the setting sun had spilled liquid fire upon the land, the moon bestowed threads of silver and white, its reflection shivering in the lake, a light stain among an almost-black blue mirror.

Raz had wandered in silence for a while in the garden, allowing her thoughts to spread as the moonlight, not bothering with trying to control them and eventually, she sat on the old swing, satisfied with just observing the plants and the field as she would with a painting. Far away, there were small dots of the lights of the city. They could have passed by as fireflies, if they moved.

Relaxing her back and raising her head, the Noah studied the sky. The stars blinked to her. When the few clouds that were there approached the moon, they became a light hue of grey… She felt as if looking at them from much afar than it should be.

Last night, Raz had had a nightmare.

As it had happened before, images and context (if they had ever existed) eluded her when crossing the frontier between waking and sleeping, leaving a trail of sensations and nothing more. Like the moon, they remained no matter what happened, except there was no day to alternate with it.

Why this?

Once more, she had dreamt of a song… It wasn't the one Allen had sung, but that other one of before. There were moments her mind replayed pieces of the melody without her realizing it, trying to weave it together… Words vaguely came to her, slowly finding their place on it…

If that had ever had a meaning to her, she wasn't sure it was there anymore.

Would she be able to recall everything she had lost, and understand it, someday?

The coldness inside of her escaped, going through bones and overflowing on her skin, but she remained still, watching the stars above. Her memories felt even more distant than them and even less real…

What if she never remembered anything?

Eyes lowering, her feet gave a small impulse against the ground, light enough so the chains made no sound when they moved. She tried to think about what she was going do, think about something more real and useful, that would chase away the emptiness that turned her flesh into glass… And to stop those shards that, somewhere inside that couldn't be reached, from slicing whatever they found.

It _hurt_.

Whatever it was, it was always there. And it always hurt.

She saw the white flowers. The same Allen had been looking at when they had arrived…

Curious… Maybe she and the boy were in situations that were alike in some aspects. He had had a home to which he couldn't go back now. The reasons didn't feel simple and in the few times he had mentioned it, his eyes were dead despite his living flesh. And like her, he sought answers…

As for Raz, maybe she _had_ a home with the Clan, and though it was the most certain place to go for answers, it was also where she least wanted to go… And also the place she knew nothing about.

The irony was not lost on her.

Well… Following this line of thought, then it couldn't be considered "home", could it? Allen wished he was in the Order, she could see it in his eyes when he thought no one was looking and his emotions escaped… That had been, and perhaps still remained in a sense, his _home_.

It wasn't her case…

She held the chains tighter.

With a part of her mind replaying the song of her dream over and over, without having time to consent or think about this, her vocal chords started to work by themselves in a whisper.

 _Omae to itami wo_ – I'll commit any sin  
_Wakeaeru nara_ – If it allows me  
_Donna tsumi mo okasou_ – To share your pain

That emptiness that she felt when drowning in herself… Would it be over someday? Would she and Allen be free of the thorns they carried inside, someday?

She was not foolish enough to ignore how it might never happen… Even if they _did_ find what they searched for or even _survived_ all of this. She had thought about paths before, but it was an illusion.

There were no paths. There was nothing.

There were just people tripping blindly in darkness.

They were lost. Maybe every person in the world was.

 _Omae ga shindara_ – When you die  
_Koori no hoho ni_ – Your icy cheek  
_Ichido dare kiss shite_ – I'll kiss even if just once.

Flashes colored in blood blinked behind her brain, in a mockery of how the starts did, bringing feelings rather than _memories_ of pain. Whether old or new, it made no difference.

She didn't want to move, feeling like it was better not to, to not provoke the shards she had inside of her, but stood up and walked to the white flowers all the same.

She suddenly knew what they were.

It wasn't the pieces of her surroundings that didn't fit or the environment that was distorted.

It was _her._

 _Hitsugi kazaru erica no hana no_ – The ericas adorning the coffins  
_Hanakotoba wa "kodoku_ " – Mean "loneliness" in the language of flowers

Her voice didn't shiver, keeping a low tone, the song coming from deep inside, in a manner of a secret escaping. In that moment, Raz was able to just feel and sing, all other conscious thoughts had been banished.

The Noah man back in the forest had spoken of taking her back to the _family._ The word was just a confusing sound, with no meaning whatsoever attached to it and so, it didn't fit in any context. Oh, she knew the _literal_ meaning of course, but it wasn't the same thing...

Home… Family… Parents… Words. Mere sounds, no different than one of a rock hitting the surface of a lake. And with the same level of significance.

And she? She was no more than empty meat, without past and whose future was far too blurred to be considered real... Then she was just… Just a being without anything, a dry leaf subjugated by the whims of the wind. Only the wind existed inside her.

How could her heartbeat remain calm when it felt like that, she wondered?

Perhaps everything had been like this since the beginning… Perhaps she had been _broken,_ since the beginning…

It hurt.

" _Please…"_

But… But if this was true…

Then what kind of hope remained?

" _What am I?"_

 _Kono yo ni hitori umarete_ – I was born alone in this world  
_Toki ga kureba hitori shindeku_ – And when the time comes, I will die alone as well  
_Sore ga sadame_ – This is my fate  
_Na no ni namida_ – But then why  
_koboreru no wa naze?_ – Am I shedding tears?

During the twinkling of the stars, she remained still, just the tip of her fingers touching one of those flowers.

"Raz?" A voice called, guiding her back. Thoughts returned. Her conscience was back from whatever corner the emptiness had pulled it to.

Allen was looking at her, head tilted to the side.

"Are you… Are you okay?"

The girl merely gazed back at him for a while.

"I… I'm fine. I remembered the song of my dream…" Not that " _remembering_ " was the most adequate of terms. Allen nodded. He had heard her singing.

She turned her face back to the sky. Allen limited himself to watching her. Despite her display of serenity, there was something in her figure that convinced him that she wasn't "fine", not at all. Still and quiet in the middle of the night and standing close to the flowers, Raz had looked so… So…

"Hey, Allen?" She called him, never once averting her gaze. "Why do you think the stars exist?"

The boy frowned to this, not understanding where such a question had come from… And he had no immediate answer. What they were, why they seemed to twinkle, this he could tell her. But the _reason_ for their existence?

"Raz…?" He started to notice signals as subtle as the shivering of the lake and the sensation he was getting now from her wasn't good… Nothing that provoked his caution or tension, though, it was something else.

"What's the purpose of their existence?"

" _Oh… So that's it…"_ He understood, also looking at the stars, small fragments of dreams lost in the darkness.

Raz didn't move. Why did _she_ exist?

Did she, even?

Suddenly, she felt a warmth in her wrist that dissipated those thoughts.

Allen wasn't thinking what he was doing, the impulse had moved his body and even now, his fingers closed firm over the Noah's flesh as he stared into her eyes.

" _Flowers of Erica mean loneliness..."_ That was it, wasn't it? That was it all came down to. In that moment, the pure essence of it revealed itself, it was whispered by the flowers. Maybe they had been just in the presence of each other, while each was drowning inside themselves, each caught up in their own despair.

"I'm here…" Allen wasn't able to tell if he was speaking to her or to himself, if he was looking at her because he saw her or because he hoped to receive that gaze back to him… Raz tilted her head to the side, that mist that had made Allen so worried starting to fade from her eyes, even if it was just hiding in her body again.

Slowly, the shards of a mask fell. He could see _her_.

"We both are..."

Lonely. That was what they were.

**XxX**

Two shadows hiding among the trees watched the events at a safe distance. Allen Walker's eye wasn't able to perceive their presence and the girl also didn't know how to pick up another family member's presence for all they had realized. The distance didn't interfere with their observations, as their sharp senses allowed them to catch all the words of just now.

The boy touched the back of the girl's neck in a comforting gesture before they headed to stand near the lake. One of the men twisted his mouth.

"What do they think they are doing, after all?" He asked, despise flowing in the golden eyes that seemed to shine in the night. At his side, the other shrugged, apparently not as bothered as his companion.

"Training together, it would seem." The jesting tone didn't receive any reply. As they watched, Allen Walker became a white ghost-like figure while shadows wrapped themselves around the girl. "Oh, this time they are going all out!" He pointed out with renewed interest, since last night both had trained without activating their respective powers not even once, apparently just practicing moves.

"This is so annoying…" Sheryl growled, the epitome of coldness. The idea of a Noah and an Exorcist training together, as those two were doing, twisted his nerves, agitating the Noah's essence he carried. Even if he was to take into consideration that Walker was not an Exorcist anymore, he wouldn't ever take that scene kindly. Tyki had his back and one of his feet leaning against a tree, arms crossed as he watched the white and black.

Allen attacked, his white cape casting lines at Raz's direction. The girl jumped backwards, leaning in her hands before standing again. She wasn't as strong as the other Noahs yet, but from what Tyki could see, there seemed to be at least some improvement since when she had been foolish enough to try taking on him.

When he had returned from his mission and reported the events, the reactions had been diverse, but they had all shared the barbed wire piercing their blood, twisting organs in intense emotions.

Tyki couldn't say he hadn't felt anything of this sort.

"She did _what?"_ Fiidora had hissed in with both indignation and disbelief, making it clear he wondered just what the hell had been going through the unknown Noah's mind. Lulubell hadn't said a word, but the ice of her eyes had been more than enough.

"A Noah protecting an Innocence…" Wisely had said slowly, making it impossible to guess what he thought of it and, despite his expression being close to a certain kind of amusement, Tyki had long ago learnt you couldn't hazard such conjectures based on his behavior alone, but being the only Noah who, even after dying by the hands of the Fourteenth, still managed to keep memories of the previous incarnations, he should also remember Raz… So, perhaps, the idea that she had lost all memories and was trying to resist her own nature was funny to him, for whatever reason?

If this _was_ the case, then he was the only one who felt like this.

"A _traitor,_ you mean…"

"Tyki-pon…" The Earl said, leaning forward, voice hiding any emotion despite the smile that was his mask. The others went quiet, some looking over their patriarch trying to get an idea of what he might decide about this and others too lost in their own thoughts. "What really happened? How was she?"

The Noah of Pleasure then went through the details: How she and the boy had been with a group of people who had left the Order and how Raz had held the Innocence and, despite her clear desire of shattering it, had refused to do so.

"Her textual words were…" He pretended to be pulling it from his memory and made a quotation signal in the air as he repeated. " _Allen is my friend. If this means protecting Innocence, so be it."_

The air at once had grown heavier, contaminated by the reactions to such words. The Earl had leaned back in his chair with a loud sigh. Behind the gleaming glasses, it was not easy to define the nature of his gaze until he muttered.

"So, she has refused to come back…." His tone was calm enough, which they knew to be more due to the self-control their leader had (at least most of the times). There might be anger there for Raz protecting Innocence, but it was largely overpowered by how she had decided to not come back, no matter how it was in her best interests.

It felt like a rejection.

It _hurt_.

It hurt all of them, it was in the Noahs' nature to be together, always. The Earl thought about Raz, of the times they had spent together with the previous generation… Now, it seemed she didn't want to be with them at all…

The others might not know her, but the rejection felt personal all the same… And it didn't make sense, either, be in an instinctual or rational level. Her lack of memories didn't work as an excuse for such actions: All she needed to do was to come home and the Millennium Earl (and Wisely, though she didn't know) would have told her everything she wanted. And even without considering it, there was the matter of her own instinct as well.

"Perhaps it is fear…" Wisely suggested, almost as if whatever the cause of her behavior, it mattered little to him. It would have been easier to believe the act if it wasn't the subtle shift of his eyes. Some of the Noahs exchanged looks in silence, since they could at least agree that waking up one day without knowing _anything_ about who they were couldn't be easy, whether you were a Noah or a human. "Or perhaps she realized, at some level, who Walker is…"

The Earl considered the suggestion. Their Clan wasn't known as a family for nothing, while the Exorcists would speak of themselves as such to anyone who wanted to hear it, the Noah Clan _felt_ it, so intertwined in their genes that went beyond simple notions. It was as instinctual and sacred as a pack was to a wolf. There were occasions when some members wouldn't get as along as others, but they were _always_ at each other's side.

So, the idea that Raz, in some level, had felt Neah in Walker and didn't feel like leaving his side wasn't so farfetched. However…

"I don't think so, Wisely, I don't think so…" It sounded beautiful, but it didn't make it real. Ignoring how it felt as if her refusal had been said directly to him, the Noah patriarch went back to his cheerful tone. "It feels like Walker still hasn't told her about the Fourteenth. And dear Raz, in spite of everything, wouldn't be able to feel him. Especially with the boy's Innocence trying to contain his awakening, as it is surely doing~…"

Three or four of the others groaned to this. It would be far easier if Walker gave in and allowed the process to follow its natural course.

It had been by chance and luck alone that Tyki had found them back then, as he had been in that forest just to destroy the Innocence. It was impossible to follow Walker and Raz everywhere for now and, after discussing the matter, the Clan had decided on trying to leave them be for a while in order to lure Apocryphos. As patient as that creature was, it knew that Walker might be turning into a Noah and that the rest of the Clan would be chasing him down.

In the end, as much as he might take his time until he felt either confident enough or grew too anxious, Apocryphos would eventually make a move.

Meanwhile, when it became possible, they might evaluate the progress of the events.

Being wounded by Yuu Kanda's Innocence had caused an agitation in Allen Walker's blood, working to give an impulse to the Noah's genes due to the hatred they all shared for Innocence. It had been quite a pity that Walker's eye had reacted when it did, preventing the wave of power from taking root and eliminating him at once. Otherwise, that wound, plus the hatred, would have been enough to allow Neah to seize control of his body, erasing Allen Walker in the process.

Now, things had become rather delicate.

Yet, once the Awakening had at least _started_ , even if not in the usual way, it was just being delayed for now. There was no way of getting rid of those genes, meaning that sooner or later, Walker would be consumed. Since he was taking care of Raz, there might be the chance of this making her remember with time as well, triggering her memory.

" _It is ironic,"_ The Earl had thought, aware that something similar was going on through the others' minds. " _That for now I'm relying on_ Walker _to keep her safe…"_ And that someone like _her_ would even need said protection, but being past her own Awakening, she would need to learn everything again, including how to control the powers the Noah genes gave her. If ever inquired about it, the Earl would have to admit the situation felt weird more than infuriating (at least for him, since he knew the boy at least somewhat).

And thinking about Raz and her condition, the Earl couldn't help but to be a little surprised to realize he actually trusted Walker to care for her and not just as the host of the Fourteenth but as _himself_. After all, as they had concluded since Lulubell's report, if he hadn't hurt her until now, then he had no intentions of doing so. Quite the contrary…

As anxious as they were now regarding the Fourteenth and Raziah, making immediate use of brute strength wouldn't be of any help in the long run. It would just push them further away and make them less willing to join their family than they already were…

Therefore, the decision had remained: To be patient. For _now_.

" _I do wonder for how long."_ Tyki reflected. He hadn't been lying before. While the idea of dragging them both to the Black Ark had its attractive points, having them giving in and joining the Clan out of their own free will was far better.

Thoughts regarding Neah provoked the genes of Joyd inside of him, waking a sudden fire. But regarding _Allen Walker_ , if the boy managed to keep his "self", then Tyki was among the Noahs who would be rather happy in having him as part of the family.

" _If his case was like ours, would he accept it better?"_ Knowing Walker, however, he doubted it.

With Raz, there were no sensations or memories of any sort, no more than there was regarding the rest the family. It was the same with Toraido, Maashima and the others. They were all able to feel the intense bond that united them, the essence of a family… But there were no actual recollections of thirty-five years ago or before that, nor reactions such as the ones that thinking about the Fourteenth provoked.

It was different. The Fourteenth's betrayal had been engraved in their very genes.

With the decision they had reached, now he and Sheryl limited themselves to watch their targets, even though Shery was still of opinion that it would be far better to attack them now. If to kidnap or kill them, the Noah of Desire himself seemed to oscillate between the two, depending of his mood.

Unaware of their presence, Allen and Raz kept training, the boy managing to drag Raz down with straps of Crown Clown. Shadows pulled him by his feet, but he was able to cut them with his claws as the girl stood up and tried attacking again.

Sheryl watched them. He, like the others, had been quite curious to see the girl for the first time, even if they wouldn't be getting in contact. Tyki, however, didn't need to ask what he thought of her when he knew it was shared between them: Too early to form personal opinions.

"The old woman from that house knows General Cross, doesn't she?" The Noah of Desire asked as he held his chin in thought, a small smile that could be seen whether he was enjoying a pleasant meal with his family or twisting the members of an enemy with his lines. "He might be trying to investigate the Fourteenth."

"It wouldn't surprise me." The other answered, his gaze accompanying the movements of the two, one attacking the other, black and white dancing. Raz had her hair up in a ponytail to not get in her way and when she was under the moon's touch, the bluish shine of the strands was more evident. "Do you think he told her he is one of us yet?"

"I do not know. And please, brother!" Sheryl said in the scandalized way of someone who heard a disturbing comment at the dinner's table. The smile was now filling with scorn as a corpse would be filled by worms. "One of _us?_ The Fourteenth is a traitor!"

Tyki rolled his eyes, well aware that this was not the true reason behind his rejection of the idea. At least not the most important one, in the Noah of Desire's opinion.

"Ah, Sheryl. You just don't like the boy because your _daughter_ does."

"My Road…" Sheryl started, his voice entering the path to a hysteric whisper as flames surged in his eyes. Tyki dismissed with a wave, interrupting him.

"Loves him." He shrugged not caring. He could just imagine what Sheryl's reaction would be should he ever find out that Road had _kissed_ Allen and nestled herself in his lap while they were in the White Ark, before the boy and Tyki had started fighting. "The boy is not bad for a human. I think that if you got to know him, even you would end up liking him."

He indicated the two figures ahead with his chin in emphasis.

Sheryl scoffed at this and decided to change the subject.

"Well, her memories may be coming back, even if slowly. She did say she remembered that song from a dream, didn't she?"

Tyki nodded. As unexpected as it had been to suddenly hear it, Raz had a voice that was pleasant enough for singing, albeit a little… Eerie. Almost a voice you would expect to hear echoing in a forsaken graveyard, singing about broken dreams and regrets. All in all, due to her being the Noah of Loneliness, he thought the song was rather fitting.

"And the boy seems to be trying to help her as well." He commented with a sly smile. "Perhaps by spending time with her, he will see what it means to be a Noah and decide to join us."

Although this was indeed something he even _hoped_ for (as Road certainly would have as well if she were here and some of the others seemed to have started to think about it, too), this was also meant as a small provocation, payback for the times Sheryl acted all creepy towards him.

It was his brother's turn to dismiss the idea with a wave of his hand, face twisted in pure disgust as much as his noble posture and manners would allow him. Once again, Tyki rolled his eyes and went back to watching Allen and Raz.

"Be as it is, they are still family. If necessary, in the end, we just have to break their legs and take them home." It would be sad to resort to this method, but to have their family complete…

Both knew that once the Earl's patience was over, that was what they would do if they still refused to come peacefully.

**XxX**

The white hair fell over his shoulders, still humid and his flesh retained the warmth of the bath. Their training, while not as strict as it could be, was no playing around. Allen frequently showed fight movements and offered tips, but the best way of learning such things was with experience and he and Raz gave it their all.

She seemed to be able to deal with his Innocence's presence and her control over her shadows was enough to not cause actual harm, just as Allen managed to make use of Crown Clown without hurting her. Raz had confessed it _did_ feel strange being so close to it and that it did provoke something in her to a certain extent, but Raz didn't think it would become an issue and in fact, it would be better if she got used to the sensation of an activated Innocence close by. It was an argument Allen had not been able to disagree with.

There was also more in the training than just their abilities: It left both exhausted and therefore, they could fall asleep easier, without having to lie awake in their beds, trying to push away the crows of dark thoughts that appeared to peck their minds. Not that he or Raz spoke much about it, perhaps more due to the lack of need as it was a mutual comprehension.

Upon entering the guests' room, Allen stopped.

Raz distracted herself and a blue ball with small white stars slipped between her fingers and when she tried to hold it, another fell in the floor. The girl sighed and picked them up quickly, seeming embarrassed.

"And… What are you doing?" Allen asked as he sat on a bed with a smile. Raz limited herself to keep holding the two balls, one in each hand, as if she was now unsure of what to do with them.

"I… I thought I could try doing something." She explained, lifting one of her shoulders in a shrug, looking almost like a nervous child. "To help with the performances and getting money, but…"

There was no need for her to say it, it was clear what the issue was and frankly, it was a very simple thing: She was _awful_ at juggling _._

They both exchanged glances, sharing an amusement. Before he realized what he was doing, Allen caught himself saying.

"Raz… You know I can't go back to the Order…"

The girl laid a long gaze on him and placed the balls on the table before sitting on a chair in silence, not blinking either, head tilted to the side as she heard him. Allen took a deep breath, trying to find a way to actually begin… This was worse than he had thought it would be. The words tangled inside him, grabbing his organs. How could he tell her? He had no idea of how to start.

"Apocryphos… Well, he is part of the reason, I've told you so… But he isn't the _entire_ reason." Each word cut his mouth. It was as if he had to relive everything again. Translating it into words seemed to make it more real than it had been until now. "I'm… I'm the host of a Noah."

There, he had said it.

Raz's eyes widened and her lips parted in shock. However, she didn't interrupt and the silence dragged more words from Allen.

He began telling of the existence of the Fourteenth and what he had done, going through the fights in the Ark and how later, he had been informed about Neah, recalling what he had already told her about the Clan and the Order… However, something inside him was breaking, in the manner of cracks forming in a dam that was finally giving in, freeing a waterfall. Before Allen realized it, he wasn't telling just about those details. Each event was connected to another and it felt like there was no end, that there were no words enough...

He told her everything.

He spoke of Mana, of his days with him… About Cross and the Order. About Kanda, Lenalee, Krory, Lavi, Komui, their missions and when he had lost his Innocence and almost died… At this point, the girl shivered, eyes trembling as she heard about Suman Dark and Allen's pain at recalling this, even now, was of a wild intensity. For an instant, he was back to that forest, seeing the white body that no longer had life, feeling his arm being shattered under the power of Tyki Mikk, the Tease inside him gnawing and gnawing…

He was no longer sure he was telling all of this to Raz or if he was just unable to stop once he had started to let it all escape (or was expelling it) from inside him.

And he told her, omitting only the details that were particular of Kanda and Alma and not his to share, about when the Earl had woken Alma… The destruction of the Third…

He told about his arrest in the Order, Apocryphos' attack and his escape…

In the end, Raz stared at him and without any word, stood in front of him. Allen found it was hard to look at her, and struggled to refuse the impulse of looking to the floor.

"Allen…" She finally whispered, eyes heavy with darkness. "All this… They…"

He waved his hand in front of his face as if getting rid of a fly and managed to smile. His voice was tired for talking for so long and, despite the strange relief that there was in finally telling her everything, he just wanted it to end that right now. There was no need to go on, no need to…

"Hey, it's alright." He said. "I mean, I understand why they…"

"No, _it's not alright!"_ Her voice was a cold razor in the air, though she never raised the tone. Yet, perhaps it would have been better if Raz had yelled. "Why do you say so? They _arrested_ you!"

And yet, Allen had told all of that almost calmly, almost as if it had happened to someone else and even now, he was _smiling._

_How could he smile?_

_"_ Raz, please, they were afraid…"

"Who are you telling this to?" She asked quietly. "Them, me or yourself? _We're both here,_ remember?" She repeated the words of some moments ago and shook her head, eyes never once leaving his as she took a step closer. "Allen… You're smiling, but it is just a mask. It is made of _lies…"_

Allen felt his mouth dry. His own mind was in the past, back in the dungeon. Back to his fear of falling asleep and of being awake.

"They had no choice, Raz!" Allen insisted, wanting to suffocate that slithering thing that was moving inside him again, making him feel as if his organs were being infected with something rotten that had nothing to do with the Noah. He had to just keep that thing sedated, just for a while longer. "I almost turned into a Noah right there in the middle of everything, after seeing this, what else could they…"

" _Stop that!"_ She hissed, an urgency coming to her that had nothing to do with danger or anger and she shook her head. "You said I'm your friend… So, _let_ me be your friend."

They gazed at each other until Raz leaned closer to him.

"It seems useless, doesn't it?" She whispered so softly her words barely scratched the silence around. "To cry when no one bothers to see your tears… To speak, when no one really cares to listen… It… It feels useless and _senseless_ … But… I _am_ your friend. So, I'll see your tears. Even if you don't cry them."

"Raz…" Words now failed Allen, finding barriers in his throat. "I really don't…"

Suddenly, Raz was at his eyes' height, kneeling in front of him, her fingers holding the flesh of his shoulders. Her own expression remained untouched as always, but Allen could feel the despair irradiating from her… And suddenly, he wondered if she could feel something similar from him just as well.

"Allen…" She whispered. " _It is alright if you cry…"_

The boy opened his mouth, unable to produce a sound and it wouldn't have made a difference, for Raz carried on not allowing interruptions, knowing he would just try to deny it again.

"You _won't_ be a bad person if you feel hurt or angry with the Order or those people. _That_ is what is alright, to feel betrayed…" She stopped for a moment, comprehending what was going on and shook her head. "Allen… _You_ won't be _betraying_ anyone with those feelings…"

Something made a soft pressure in his eyes and throat. Allen meant to keep it down, to silence it but found himself unable to… He just didn't want to feel like he was in that cell again. Without any sort of thought, his body dominated by something more profound, feeling suddenly empty and tired, he fell forwards and hugged the Noah.

Tears gathered in grey eyes. Up until now, they had only existed in his soul, yet something had been ripped apart inside him after talking about what had happened.

A deep wound was revealed, one that was forever exposed to wind and cold… No. A physical wound would have been far easier to clean, care and bear than something that was so deep in his body that there was no tending to it.

Raz was surprised at the touch and froze for a second, before closing her arms around Allen, who hid his face on her shoulder. His body shivered, a glass that would shatter under any sudden movement.

His whisper wouldn't sound louder than a breeze.

"Why couldn't they just _trust_ me?"

There it was. That was the root of everything.

He understood the reasons, but he still… Still asked why.

Still he had hoped to hear his friends' voices from the other side of the door. Or just about anything, anything that would help him to chase those thoughts away, but… There had been nothing. And those thoughts, along with the fear of what would happen, fear of himself and with each passing minute, his mind hurt and he had just… Been left there. A broken thing. An unwanted thing.

Those had been the only company he had had in that cell

Carefully, Raz caressed the back of his head, feeling the touch of his tears, their scent, knowing that all this time, ever since they had met, Allen had been crying somewhere in his heart. It was alright to cry outside as well… It was alright to feel sorrow, anger or that he had been forsaken… Perhaps Allen feared that such feelings would work as cracks that the Fourteenth could use to take over him, yet somehow, she didn't think it would be possible.

For a long time, Allen allowed himself to remain there, hugging Raz as the tears were freed from that mysterious place that is the heart, as she caressed his head, the other hand resting in his back, the arm making a light pressure in an embrace.

And he held on to her, needing a physical point that would help him to not sink even further.

Her embrace was warm.

The weight in his chest seemed to be weakening in that warmth.

For a long time, they remained like that. It could have been fifteen minutes, one hour or for a whole eternity, all those would be correct. His tears ceased earlier than the pain behind them, his body was just unable to produce more. A sort of warmth slowly made itself known as it entered the bones of him and Raz, filling that emptiness.

Raz made no gesture to release him until he slowly pulled back. Both had scars in their eyes, the kind only visible to those who can see beyond veils of lies as " _it's okay_ " or " _it doesn't hurt anymore_ ".

Using his arm to wipe his face, scarred by the dry path of his tears, Allen tried to smile again. This time, it wasn't a gesture of lies and despite it being a sad smile, it was far preferable than the mechanic alternative. Somehow… Either crying or telling the truth had soothed things a little. Perhaps both. Perhaps more than that, it had been Raz just being there.

"Well… I… C'mon." He suddenly decided, not wanting to keep dwelling in that subject, lest he started crying again. "There must be something in which you're better than jugglery."

If Raz found his sudden decision strange, she said nothing as he stood in front of her as they did when getting ready for training and before starting anything, Allen sighed.

"Raz… I… Thank you." He muttered, to which she offered a soft smile. "I'll keep walking. I'll keep going forward."

"Mana's promise." She agreed with a nod. There was no need to say things they both already knew. Allen nodded as well, a mutual understanding happening between them at that moment.

They would _both_ go on. And not just in the presence of each other or due to common goals. They would go on _together._

* * *

**Wolf: In case you're wondering, yes, Wolf here likes the language of flowers. From the start, I had those details prepared. And a cookie to anyone who knows where the song is from!**

**Kanda: I think I turned diabetic after this chapter. The heck was all that?  
**

**Wolf: Oh, shut up, Bakanda... To be honest, I was really anxious to get to this chapter, as it is personally one of my _favorites_ until now… I feel like it is one of the most important, and not just because Raz _finally_ learning of everything, but because of _Allen_ and his path.**

**A point that has been well established in the series is how Allen sometimes carries things by himself. My personal impression of this is that it's not just because of his eye and seeing Akumas' souls, but also because deep inside, Allen was alone for a long time. In the end, he tries to protect his friends by not burdening them with his problems. Ironic since Allen is always ready to listen and help others…**

**So, he sometimes needs a good _push_ to tell/admit when things are wrong. And honestly, take all that happened to him, especially how the Order treated him: Would anyone just say " _Oh, it's fine_ " and actually feel like it? Sure, he understands the reasons behind such actions, but understanding doesn't help or change things _at all_. So, while he told Raz the truth, he also admitted to _himself_ what happened and how he felt about it. **

**Wisely: You know, after the way they treated him, I'd expect him to decide to join us at once.**

**Allen: Hey, just because they... Did what they did, doesn't mean I'm just going to forsake _my_ morals and accept what you guys do and how you want to kill every human in existence.**

**Wisely ( _rolling eyes_ ): How toouching. Look, boy, you...**

**Wolf: Guys, quit it, please? Sometimes I feel like this "after-chapter-section" is becoming a mess.**

**Kanda: It's the way it has always been.**


	14. Act Fourteenth – The Path Continues

_"Study the past if you would define the future" –_ Confucius.

 

The sound of the cutlery was accompanied by that of conversations. Different food' scents slithered in the air and, on opposite walls, black banners boasted the silver symbol of the Black Order. Not all members (whatever their roles) had meals together, but since moving to the new Headquarters their numbers had increased, making the cafeteria during common lunch and dinner hours be invariable full.

Here and there, nestling among the sounds, it was possible to catch fragments of what was being said and attention was not much necessary to understand, especially if you focused your mind to hunt for certain terms.

It wasn't quite easy to keep things a secret in the Order. The story of how Allen Walker had intended to save a Noah's life had spread with the fury of hungry flames, as it had been back when he had been placed under surveillance along with Cross. It didn't matter this had happened so long ago, it had fed the belief among people that he was a traitor as if it had happened yesterday.

Truth to be told, Reever was getting _tired_ of hearing people insisting on the same subject as a junkie returning to a pleasure-inducing drug. Personal feelings aside, it was as if everything that had happened preyed on that strange delight people found when speaking ill of someone they've grown to hate. At Reever's side, Johnny was eating in silence.

Sitting across him, Miranda chewed while looking at her plate with the soft gaze of an undisturbed lake, as if she had discovered the secret of how to shield herself from external stimuli, or at least how to eschew any emotional display (something that wasn't like her). A few tables behind her, Reever could see Chaozii talking with some Finders, two of them his friends who had joined the Order with him.

Reever would have liked to _not_ be angry at the Exorcist, to rationalize the other's behavior enough so it wouldn't bother him, however it was complicated once he had heard fragments of comments and conjectures that seemed to be growing and feeding off those who spread it.

_"Chaozii couldn't have picked a_ worse _time to tell that to the Central…"_ Lenalee had managed to tell about the true circumstances, how Allen had honestly believed that Tyki Mikk had become a normal human and how he had probably felt that it was wrong to just leave someone to die like that. While a few people seemed to have been confused by this and others in doubt, most had turned resistant to what they believed to be a lie told by Allen in order to fool the Exorcists.

And if it wasn't, then it was still evidence of his leaning to the Noah Clan's side.

" _This is getting way too out of hand. And ridiculous._ What _is happening here?"_ The question had a weak quality to it, an echo that could have come from childhood days. And there was no real reason for asking it, anyway. Perhaps this was but an exhibition of a part of human's nature. When involved in a war, paranoia and dread became a common consumption that invited those reactions of hate.

With enemies like the Noah, you had to hold to the hate.

It was better than to be left with only your fear of them.

"Reever, please, calm down…" Miranda whispered slowly, calling for his attention. Seeing he hadn't understood what she meant, the woman indicated his hand with her eyes. "You're almost bending the fork…"

It was true, he realized. His hand had been pressing it, his knuckles white and his flesh shivered at the realization. The man took a deep breath, trying to ignore the sensation in his own body.

Looking back at Miranda, he couldn't help but to ask in a whisper.

"Don't you get bothered by this?" It was their luck they were the only ones at the table, which meant they could at least talk without unwelcome interjections or people listening. Krory used to sit with them, but he was still picking something for himself.

Miranda's eyes landed on Reever, her expression gentle. He noticed the shadows under her eyes and couldn't say they were surprising. Johnny remained silence, his attention still on his own plate.

"Of course it does, but…" She hesitated, trying to smile without much success. After a second of silence, she continued. "You know, back in my old town, there were some children who used to mock me every single day… I know they were just children, you could say they didn't know any better, but even so, it hurt."

It seemed that, as controlled as she was being now, the woman was unable to keep some of that hurt from escaping to her tone. Reever didn't understand where Miranda wanted to go with this, but comprehended what she meant. And honestly, he didn't think age could be used as an excuse here when those children had been old enough to understand consequences and what they were doing.

" _Daggers cut no matter who is holding them…_ "

"I could ask them to leave me alone, I could ignore them, everything. It didn't matter. They wouldn't stop. And I knew it."

"Not sure I follow…?"

"What I mean is that we can't change some people's mind, no matter what." She kept a sigh to herself, ignoring how it felt against her throat. It got to her, no point in lying, to hear what was being said about Allen, knowing there was nothing she could do for him, even if it was something as basic as speaking in his defense.

" _Not that you did much of it either when he was locked up, did you?_ "

At this thought, Miranda almost looked down, but forced herself against it. Reever, however, noticed the corners of her mouth twitching, as if a bitter taste had come to it. It occurred to him that perhaps he had mistaken for self-control something that didn't have much to do with it.

"So, I try to think that I _know_ the truth. And that believe in it… In him." The words felt fragile in her mouth, ready to shatter like glass, but they were all she had to offer. It wasn't enough to _know_ while not being able to _act_ , but it was what they would have to content themselves with for now.

The Order had enough to occupy the Exorcists when they were not in missions, the Central not being one to condone "idleness" and yet, time didn't matter when it came down to the workings of the brain. She frequently thought about Allen, being assaulted by ideas of where he could be in varied scenarios that, lately, had been in the extreme specter of black.

It turned out the mind was a fertile ground for thoughts of those nature.

And when it wasn't that, it was the ghost of when he had been placed under arrest and the weight of regrets. They were her constant companions now, only nestling in a corner when there was enough to demand attention around, but they never slept or left.

Trusting Allen and hoping for his safety was all that was left to do now. So, that was what she would do…

Reever frowned unsure. He saw how this line of thought might help to calm the mind and ignore the comments as much as possible, especially considering there was nothing they could do about it… Somehow, he felt a little better and nodded.

Johnny noticed the Section Chief's demeanor becoming somewhat lighter, but his own mind was still full of dark veins.

" _If Allen someday decides to change sides,"_ He thought bitterly. " _It will be because the Order pushed him to it."_ And he couldn't say that, deep in his brain, he thought that wouldn't be well deserved, that was the worst of it. The idea that the Exorcists (at least those who still believed in him) could try searching for him during their missions has come to him, but Johnny had a sensation that things wouldn't be so easy and not just because Allen had spent enough time with Cross to learn how to keep himself from being found unless he wanted to: Levelier was an astute dog and it wasn't a secret that many of the Science Department and some of the Exorcists had been close to Allen.

_"If he decides to send Central's Agents with them, using the excuse that it's for safety…"_ There had been rumors about it, disguised as suggestions.

It wouldn't be a surprise.

Meanwhile, choosing some food without truly caring for what he picked, Krory was in a similar situation. Just when the talk about Allen seemed to be diminishing, the "news" had renewed the interest on the matter.

It was tiring to say the least.

"It makes you think…" A firm voice sounded behind him and upon turning, the vampire Exorcist caught a pair of dark eyes, a face marked by a large scar and dark blonde hair. He knew her, though they had never talked much: Klaud Nine, one of the Generals and whose unit Lenalee was now part of. "If people don't get fed up of talking about the same thing over and over."

Krory didn't say anything right away, unsure of why the woman would be speaking to him. Was it due to boredom in the line, weariness of hearing something she considered repetitive or something else entirely?

"Apparently, no." It was better to not say the reality of his thoughts to someone he barely knew and to keep the conversation on a safe ground.

"I was at the reunion. Lenalee was quite adamant in defending Walker." The woman carried on with a tone that could have been used to discuss chances of raining later. "Have you spoken to her, lately?"

"I have." He replied in the same tone, adding. "It's no secret what she said. Everyone knows." At least this hadn't turned against Lenalee, with people being more sympathetic to her stand when considering how Allen's betrayal must have been painful to her. Krory wondered if a few of them hadn't taken her behavior as a sort of self-defense mechanism, as if she was in shock and needed time to process what had happened.

People had asked Chaozii for more details of what had happened in the Ark, about the fight and what Allen had done. In one of the occasions, Krory had been close enough to hear. The young man hadn't seemed to mind repeating the tale, but when inquired about how Allen and Tyki had fought, he at least hadn't lied about how the white-haired Exorcist had almost had his Innocence shattered once again and how he had refused to attack Lavi.

Even if those were positive points, they didn't receive as much attention and, seeing the results, Krory would still have preferred that Chaozii had kept his mouth shut. Allen, Lenalee and Lavi (and he and Kanda, when told of the details they had missed) hadn't said anything about it after returning, partly because Allen had been placed under vigilance almost immediately and telling that would have been of no help, partly because even then they had all know somehow that the Central wouldn't understand Allen's attitude and it wouldn't be seen with good eyes.

"Do you think she believes Walker will be back?" The question sounded simple enough, but the words in itself felt like a trap slapping its iron fangs to Krory, who opted for a factual reply that wouldn't denounce what _he_ believed.

"If he did, he would be killed anyway…" Or more likely captured, which was even worse. Those who had called Allen a savior now called him a traitor, not different from how the people back in his village had called him "vampire" and "monster", even when Allen and Lavi tried to explain that he had been, unknowingly, killing akumas and keeping them safe…

But they had hated him their whole lives… A long time with such a mindset couldn't be changed easily and he knew that.

It was hard to start seeing a monster as something different, but was the reverse that easy?

Klaud limited herself to nod. The man was more controlled than Lenalee, not revealing his actual stand so easily, probably out of distrust towards her. Considering everything that had been going on, it was a sensate choice.

Deciding to not insist, what could be interpreted as an attempt to pressure him, Klaud found it better to keep her own silence unless Krory continued the subject himself and her dark eyes examined the cafeteria, registering faces.

" _It didn't take one day for everyone to learn about what Walker did..."_ The reaction of some people was comprehensible, she supposed, taking in how fear could affect people like a disease that twisted the nerves and thoughts. However, Klaud was a woman who trusted her own instincts and the things that were left unsaid, at times, spoke more than what was said.

And Klaud's instincts agitated, sending waves through her veins.

Something was wrong.

" _Indeed."_ She agreed in her mind. " _There is something out of place, but what?"_ It felt like one of those things that were so obvious that this was how they could be unnoticed, as insane as the paradox sounded.

When Krory sat at Miranda's side, who was talking to Reever, Johnny greeted him briefly before standing with his empty plate.

"Done already, Johnny?" Reever asked, a bit surprised. The other merely shrugged with a small smile.

"I was really hungry. Besides, I want take the free time to get some reports out of the way." He added. This could be a little peculiar, since the Science Department still had more reports and work than its personal could handle but for that very reason the members preferred to enjoy their free time and _not_ rush back to their tables as soon as they were done eating. But those sitting there had an idea of what was the reason.

"You're planning to jog later again?"

"Yeah." He replied to Krory. "If I can get rid of part of the paperwork now, maybe I'll have more time later, too."

"Well… See you, then."

Reever followed Johnny with his eyes, thoughtful.

"He has been jogging a lot those days, right?" He muttered, unsure if to himself or any of the others, though perhaps the fact shouldn't surprise him that much. Many members of the inner Departments of the Order chose to make some sort of exercise sometimes, due to their sedentary life. Perhaps Johnny had decided to take a better care of his health.

However, the man's line of thought would be more correct if he paid more attention to the suspicion he had inside, but that hadn't taken shape and existed only in essence, so it went almost unnoticed even to himself.

There _was_ a reason to why Johnny Gill had started to exercise some weeks ago.

Everything was wrong and twisted. Even the oxygen sometimes seemed to become glass shards when it reached the lungs. And Johnny remembered not only the night Allen had disappeared, but especially the attack to the Order, the first time they had seen a Level Four Akuma.

The people who had been hurt, bodies turning black and breaking into dust without leaving a trait of their existence while others, in a light, had their shapes altered and were lost forever…

" _Tapp…"_

Johnny knew he was not important. In the Department, he could help with reports and tests, but out of there, in the great scheme of the Order, he was nothing. Just a human, weak and who couldn't even defend himself… There was a weight inside that called those thoughts back from time to time until they were constant and only when Johnny realized there were times when he didn't want to stand up from his bed for reasons that had nothing to do with the comfort of sleep, he understood this was an emptiness. A nothing that spread and spread, taking a slice from inside of him each day… And yet, there was something about it that lured him softly to it.

After all, even if he _wanted_ , what could he ever do?

It had been like that for weeks, until he could barely care anymore. No one noticed, it was surprisingly easy to hide something like this.

Then, one night he had been lying down, sleepless with images from past replaying in his mind as they had done lately, and thinking about Allen, who had been so kind all the times they talked. Allen, who had almost died when fighting the Akuma Level Four. Allen, who the Earl had tried to coerce into going with him with the promise of destroying the Black Matter on the Thirds, sparing their lives.

Allen, who had then been _caged_.

The young man had sat up. It was as if the last days had been spent in the frontier between reality and nightmares.

_What in the seven hells was he doing?_

Fighting the lethargy that took over his members, Johnny had stood up and walked to the window of his room, almost still seeing Allen telling him that it would be alright, just like he had done so many times. A kind of fire was born in his nerves running through his blood and he had to make a conscious effort to keep that flame before he fell inside himself again.

Yes, all that had happened was awful, he couldn't even tell how things had truly reached that point.

_So what?_

To _understand_ such particularities wouldn't make any difference!

" _See the facts as they are, Johnny Gill!"_ He told himself with a new ferocity. " _Separate the info you have, analyze them, find the solution. Isn't this how you solved the physics problems at school? Very well. Allen has Noah genes. The Clan is after him and so is the Order now. Do you need someone to_ draw _the result to you?_ He is alone!"

As painful as the situation was, it was a thousand times worse for Allen. He shouldn't be thinking about his own incapacity or how he felt, but how _Allen_ should be feeling. And what kind of "family" they were, if they had abandoned him? Lenalee, Krory, the Exorcists couldn't do anything, they were too tied by the Central. _He was not._

Or at least, he wasn't as caught as the others.

Yes, he was a mere human, without Innocence and of a weak health even. This was a fact, but this shouldn't mean that it was also a reason to _not do anything._ That was when they stopped being facts to become excuses of a coward.

He had thought, a little after the attack to the Order, that he didn't want to be a burden to Allen or any other friend. And what he had ended up _doing?_ Words were just that, words. It was easy to say "sorry" or say pretty promises, but it was very different to _apologize_ and _keep_ promises.

Thinking about Allen alone and facing all this without having someone at his side, different emotions mixed in him, bitter and sweet, loud and low. He was worried for Allen, ashamed of himself, missing his friend, regretting, despising himself and the Order…

Without trying to solve that yarn ball, Johnny had made his decision and ever since, he had started to exercise every day. At first it had been hard. He wasn't used to it, his body was slow, taking time to build a better resistance and some doctors had already called him on the danger of the excess. Johnny had heard them until a certain point, but still did the best he could without having consequences more damaging than beneficial.

His decision was made.

When his resistance improved enough for him to know he wouldn't be much of a burden, Johnny Gill would leave the Order.

There was, out there somewhere in the world, a friend who needed him.

**XxX**

"I'm nervous…" She muttered in a confession when they placed their things in a free area of the park where they wouldn't bother the path of others. Allen looked at her with amusement, face covered in white makeup.

"You're the one who said you wanted to give it a try…" The answer came in a playful tone, doing little to help Raz's tension and Allen noticed as she held her elbows. "Look, we trained. Remember what I told you and you'll do fine, you'll see."

She remembered. The makeup was like a mask and it helped in a crazy sense. Like actors abandoned their identity to become characters when they stepped on the stage, they should leave behind theirs. There was no "Allen" and there was no "Raz", there were just two young pierrots.

Mana had taught this to Allen.

" _If you get anxious, your performance becomes weak, your movements lose the confidence. This is not what the public wants and they will notice. So, you need to relax. Show them confidence, the smile of someone who would jump over fire. Dance as if you could do anything. Behind the makeup there must be just the pierrot, no fears and no tension. Trust_ yourself _, Allen."_ At the beginning, in his first performance, Allen had been scared… He had never tried anything like that and he had always been told to stay away from the public's sight back… Back _there_. Training with Mana was something, to _actually_ perform was another.

_"_ Trust yourself." Allen repeated. "You can do it."

"Take a deep breath" She spoke almost as a child repeating what her parents had told her. "Just be calm and send the tension away."

Some people walking by glanced at them and others were watching from a few steps away, perhaps curious or perhaps waiting to see what performance the two would offer. Allen opened a small bag, picked five balls and took some steps forward, then proceeding to throw them in the air as he started to juggle. Upon fixating his rhythm, he would spin over a foot or jump as he did so, never letting a ball fall.

After some days and several tries, both had reached the conclusion that Raz had no knack for juggling. It was a polite way to say that, actually, the Noah girl wouldn't be able to do it not even to save her own life. Raz had been rather disappointed with herself while Allen had pointed out there was nothing wrong with it and there were other things she could do. Trainings of the likes they had, for example, taught balance and improved reactions and agility which also helped when learning how to dance.

Raz pushed a larger ball they filled like a balloon, stretching over it with movements of a panther, twisting her back until she was on her hands, legs on air. With an impulse, she jumped somehow with the ball, managing to land on it without falling.

Some people were approaching, but they didn't matter… She _knew_ they were there, but a mass that had no meaning. All her focus was on the "now and here", body moving as if along a song only she and Allen could hear. Allen was right, their training came to her and it called confidence with it.

Allen played a little of his old flute, he and Raz made some acrobatics that would have looked exotic in the eyes of those people, crossing in the air and combining moves to make a dance. There were sighs of admiration and laughs at their antics, even as Allen passed by them with a hat in hand. They sounded louder than the coins falling.

Their performance had lasted just the necessary (" _Know the time to stop. Leave the public wanting more")_ and some children moaned in disappointment at it, a few trying to stay even when Allen and Raz started to put their things away, as if hoping their presence would somehow change their minds.

"See? You did good!" Allen exclaimed as they carried their things through the streets, the ball Raz had used an empty carcass in the bag. While her usual lack of expression was accentuated by the make-up, Allen was sure she had found the experience pleasing. She wasn't by all means excellent and would still need more practice, but she had done well for her first time… Allen realized it gave him a strange sensation of pride. The acrobatics had been her best moment, since she had more experience with those. He wondered if with enough time, she would be able to dance while balancing hoops on her arms or legs like he could.

" _Perhaps she could use her shadows to help?_ " It was an interesting thought and he made a mental note to suggest it later as he looked at her. The white and black makeup was a nearly match of his own, her hair placed in a ponytail in order to keep it out of her eyes. The costume, at first, had been another matter as there were not enough pieces left from Allen or Mana's old clothes to make a complete new one that fitted her while looking good enough.

Then they had remembered the clothes she had been wearing when Allen had found her.

Taking it out of her backpack, Raz had studied it… When telling about his past, Allen hadn't left out what he knew about the Ark and how he had found her, along with all he could remember about the Noah Clan, including how they used to be human before their genes woke up… And so had she.

Raz had wondered then how had she been like when she was a human… Allen had as well and seeing her holding that strange suit, examining it as if seeing it for the first time, he remembered that night, her grey skin and golden eyes… As much as it was her true form, Raz never changed to it.

With Barbar's help, they had stitched what was necessary, just the end of one of the legs and a piece of the blouse's tail that had been ripped.

Allen had first seen the Noahs wearing those strange outfits back when they had invaded the Order in a group. Like the others, hers was primarily white and of a fabric he had never felt before, like made of water and softer than silk while being more resistant than it first appeared. It would allow a great freedom of movements, especially when fighting.

The pants were rather simple, the outer side of the thighs decorated with a silver-framed pointed oval cut, black strings ones crossing it in several small X and a thin black line following down until the hems, where a small cut at the ankles' side made an inverted V shape. The sleeveless blouse had a long tail, with a silver strap on the hem.

She had also worn those strange wristbands, three white strands held together by one silver dot. Somehow it made Allen think about the wristbands of mental hospital's patients (not that he would point _that_ out).

They had replaced the white thread in the v cut of her collar for a black one and found some cheap black shoes for her as well. The final result wasn't quite a pierrot costume in the traditional sense, but with the makeup the overall look was good enough. Perhaps later they could come up with some black adornments to add to it.

"I kinda forgot how I was feeling at some point…" The girl commented almost to herself with a small smile in the black-painted lips, her hair resting over her shoulder. Allen laughed as if saying " _told you so"._

Perhaps it was because a part of him was still used to perform with someone, but it had felt nice to have her with him then. Or maybe it was just the natural feeling of sharing something he considered fun and nice with a friend… In a way or another, it certainly called upon memories. They didn't quite match the present, as memories rarely do… The flute had once felt big in his child's hands, his fingers holding it clumsily as he learnt how to play it… Now it had felt smaller, almost like a toy, made fragile by the passing of time. When he had played after taking it out of the bag where Mother had kept it with the rest of his old things, the notes had been low, almost mournful as the instrument was used for the first time in years…

"I think I'll miss it here." The boy commented as he looked around the streets. Now that they would leave soon, it felt as if they had stayed for less days than they actually had. There had been some comfort in going back to a house and not an inn, in taking care of the gardens with Barbar and helping with other chores as if those were the only things they had to worry about.

There had been days when they had gone to the local church together. Since Raz hadn't done Catechesis (neither had Allen, honestly), she couldn't partake in the Communion, but she would attend the Mass anyway, usually making questions afterwards that would lead to long conversations. Once, Allen had seen her sitting in the floor in front of Mother as rested on her chair, speaking about some passages of the Bible and what the sermon of the day had been about.

Raz would think about it often, at times when lying down and waiting to fall asleep… If God had created all beings in this world, this implied He had also created the Noah (as, for the lack of other term, species) and yet she knew that one Noah had told Allen that the Exorcists were following a false God (but according to Allen, she didn't care at all if humanity's demise was the wish of God or the Devil, so they didn't know for sure how much of this was true either)…

This also led another thought… Raz remembered the passage when Jesus had taught the apostles the "Our Father" prayer and the local priest had pointed out during the sermon how, with this, God allowed people to call him _father_ , approaching his creatures of Him in a sign of His love.

This stayed in her mind… Didn't it mean she was a creature of God as well? Like the rest of the Clan?

But then… Where did this leave the Clan in this stage of a "holy" war?

"Me too… I liked it here." Raz agreed, with similar feelings as he had about their stay. It had been pleasant and most of all, peaceful. She turned to him, as if suddenly with an idea. "Don't you think we should try getting in contact with Alison and the others?"

"I've thought about that, too. I think it would be good." They had called one time at the hotel Elana and the others had said they would be staying at, in the city they had been heading to as it always had reasonable prices. "They said they would be leaving next week…"

"We could go meet them… Unless you already have another destination in mind?"

"Not exactly…" The boy sighed, looking ahead. The fields were already visible and soon they would leave the streets behind. A small child laughed in his mother's arms upon seeing them and waved his little hands, perhaps thinking they were clowns. The woman smiled warmly at them, who responded the gesture. "It will be complicated, but I remember a little of their route…"

Allen had been thinking about ways he could investigate his own past. Perhaps then he would be able to discover how and when he had turned into the Fourteenth's host… And how to fight it.

He could hope, at least…

Years ago, when he was a child, Allen had frequently wondered, usually late at night, _where_ he had come from and _who_ he truly was. If he asked about it (when he dared to, before learning better than that), the only reply received was that he had been found, casted away like trash. With time and him coming to a better understanding of the workings of the world around, Allen had accepted it. That was what happened with broken things, with unwanted things. They were thrown away.

And with his deformed arm, Allen felt he certainly fit the bill…

With this acceptance, at some point of his life such questions had been pushed away, to be left in the sad place for old toys. Now he allowed himself to wonder again. Even if it _was_ true, Allen still wanted to know how it had happened. He needed to.

He wanted to know about Neah and Mana as well, who they were as he had realized that he knew little about the two of them… But the person he also didn't know was _himself_. He had chuckled when thinking about it. There was some irony here. In the end, perhaps he wasn't that different from Raz...

" _Allen_ " had been the name Mana had given him. But what about before this? Had he ever had a name?

He didn't know.

The only place he had in mind as a starting point was the place where he never wanted to go back: The circus where Mana had found him.

That idea gave birth to repulse, no matter how necessary it was. And finding a traveling circus wouldn't be easy either. At least, as he had told her, Allen still remembered a little of their usual route and could hope that it was still used, since the troupe knew they would have a good public in those towns…

" _Well, even the closest town we could try is still quite far…"_ It wouldn't be any major detour if they headed to meet the Exiled and besides, they both wanted to see them again.

"Ah!" Allen exclaimed as if recalling something and stopped, placing the suitcase on the ground and opening it a little as to not let the contents fall out of it. Raz frowned, not understanding what he was doing. "Here!"

Standing up, he turned to her with a smile as he showed his fist, opening it to reveal a silver thread resting in his palm.

Raz looked from his hand to him.

The boy nodded vehemently, smiling in incentive for her to pick whatever it was.

"I thought you would like it! It's a gift for your first presentation!"

Hesitantly, the girl picked it and examined it… It was a tiny chain with some ornaments placed at regular spaces… Her finger ran over the delicate links as if she was almost afraid of breaking it. The pendants were silver tears, frozen in different shapes. Tiny jingle bells that rang gently, a crescent moon, a star…

She had seen them before.

"But Allen… This…" She started, uncertain as her eyes lifted to Allen. Those adornments had been sewed in Allen and Mana's old costumes. Somehow, it didn't feel right that he would give her something that had been part of those suits, it made her feel like an intruder or sorts. This was something that had been _theirs._ Even if those were just decorations from their pierrots' suits, they had been part of their daily lives and one of the few things Allen had left…

Not wanting to listen and already aware of what she was probably thinking, Allen shook his head.

"It's for you."

"But…"

"It's an anklet" He explained a little louder to interrupt. "You wear it on the ankle. Or… You didn't like it?" He asked innocently, fully aware how this was not the case, but it had the desired effect all the same.

"Or course I _did_!" She hurried to say. "It is _beautiful,_ it's just that…"

"Raaaz…" Grey eyes remained on her, making it clear that nothing else she said would be of any use. She placed her own bag in the ground for a moment and leaned, placing the chain around one of her ankles. The bells made a light _tlink_ when she shook it a little to see if the clasp was well closed.

"Thanks, Allen…" She muttered with a soft smile. "Thank you…"

**XxX**

"We'll miss you so much! You guys have to come by again, okay?" Barbar said, hugging Allen as if meaning to crush his bones. "We'll miss you both!"

"And watch out, you two." Mother muttered, a cloud of light smoke escaping the end of her pipe. "Even if I won't even bother asking you two to have common sense…" She grumbled as she shook her head, onyx eyes falling on Raz, who had already learnt that despite the woman being shorter than her, had a strength that could make anyone feel small.

"Stay with him, girl." The tone was of warning, but if regarding the other Noahs or herself, Raz couldn't tell and just acquiesced. The ferocious stare became harsher, demanding a verbal answer.

"I will."

"Good!" The woman seemed satisfied, then looking at Allen when Barbar let him go, his strong arms now wrapping around Raz, squeezing and lifting her as if she was a mere doll. Allen couldn't tell if she was completely comfortable with the display of affection that could be a little excessive, or not.

"Don't forget what I told you, boy," Mother continued. "Don't lose yourself. This is an inner battle, you'll need more than physical strength."

"I know…"

"No, you don't." The woman interrupted so severely that Allen lowered his gaze as a reprimanded child, but not feeling quite so bad about it. "If you knew it, _I_ wouldn't be saying anything. Always… Always be firm in who you truly are, Allen Walker."

Her eyes slithered to the Noah, as Barbar repeated how he hoped they would see each other again, a feeling the old woman shared.

"This goes for the both of you" She whispered. " _Be careful."_

**XxX**

The phone rang just twice before a masculine voice answered. Allen told the names of those he was searching for and, after a few moments, another voice picked the line.

"Hi, Allen!"

He couldn't avoid a smile with a chuckle.

"How did you know it was me, Lauren?"

A giggle, almost as the singing of a morning bird came from the other side.

"Well, the receptionist said there was a boy who wanted to talk to me or the others." A moment of silence during which Allen could imagine her raising a shoulder. "The only ones who actually know the exact hotel we stay here are you and Raz, _sooo_ …"

"Okay, okay" He gave in, shaking his head. "It was a silly question."

"Just a little bit." The girl replied. She sounded cheerful. "Tell me, how have you guys been? Are you safe?"

"We're fine… We're leaving Liverpool, just waiting for the train." At his side, Raz waved her hand a little. "Raz is sending a "hi", too."

"Tell her I sent another! Hey, where are you heading?" As usual, she was unable to contain the excitement in her voice. Allen could almost see her now, eyes shining, all of her seeming to have more energy than her body could contain. "We could meet! And you guys could travel with us again! The others are worried and…"

"Well, Lauren… Actually, we've been thinking exactly about this, if that's okay with everyone." He added quickly, to which she made a sound that was between a scoff and a laughter, indicating that his idea that the others might not agree with it was ridiculous. "The train we picked heads to where you're staying…" He was about to say that unless they were also leaving, they could decide another place where to meet, but Lauren didn't let him finish.

" _Great!_ Do it _!_ I told you, we were worried about you guys. I mean, whatever you need to do, it doesn't mean we can't stay together."

Allen felt words gluing to his throat. He and Raz had been just as worried. Not for the first time, feeling the warmth of Timcampy as the golem nestled itself on his head, he lamented how the Exiled had no golems of their own that they could use. It would have made communication far easier.

"But what about you? Are you all safe?"

"We're okay. We met an akuma while coming here. A level One, so no problems. It was easy." _If compared to the Level Three,_ floated between them without needing to be said. Allen still felt uneasy… There was no doubt Tyki would have told the rest of the Clan about them. He wanted to hope that the Exiled would remain out of the Earl's reach, that he would rather focus more on the Order, but…

"He tried to attack Elana. Actually…" She paused in consideration. "His face when he saw we all had Innocences was a bit funny."

"Funny, you say. Lauren…" He said her name with a sigh.

"Alison said the same thing!" The other replied, laughing now and completely undisturbed. "Hey, he had the most " _Oh, crap!_ " expression ever! So, you guys will come here, we go meet you in the way, how's it going to be?"

"We should take some days to get there yet… Maybe even more…" Allen imagined, calculating the actual distance. "But we're going to try to get there as soon as possible."

They still talked for a while longer, before Allen gave the phone to Raz. Even with the idea of having to track the old circus where he had lived, there was a pleasant sensation in the idea of meeting the Exiled again.

He could hold to that.

* * *

**Ana: A short chapter without much happening, sorry. But don't worry, we'll be back to action soon. Allen's decided to go in search of his old circus... Oh, for those who wish to know, the song of last chapter was " _Hanakotoba wa Kodoku" (_ "The Flower's Meaning is Loneliness") from Kuroshitsuji's musical " _The Most Beautiful DEATH in the World"._**

**Road: Hey, when I'll be back? I want to see Allen!**

**Tyki: Don't let Sheryl hear how much you love him, he will want to rip him apart.  
**

**Road: He has to understand that I just love Allen! End of story.**

**Allen: Don't I get a say in this?**

**Ana: Guys...?**

**Wisely: Since when this became Romeo and Juliet or whatever?**

**Allen: Where do we look like Romeo and Juliet?**

**Ana: HEY?**

**Road: Plus, we will have a better ending than them.**

**Lenalee: Wait a minute, everyone knows _I'm_ supposed to be with Allen!**

**Ana:** **Hello?**

**Road: Yeah, forgot... You were literally created _just_ for that, we could cut you off the story and it would make no difference, Miss. I-Cry-And-Do-Nothing! I, on the another hand, would be interesting even if I wasn't in love with him!**

**Lenalee: _WHAT?_ Please, you're a Miss Psychopath! You don't really like Allen, you've hurt him a thousand times! When did you actually spend time with him in a normal way? You're even worse than a yandere, you...**

**Tyki: Oh, there we go...**

**Allen: Should we try to do something?**

**Wisely: Advice, getting involved in a girls' fighting only means trouble. When they have powers, is suicide.**

**Ana: I usually say "no shipping wars", but they are part of the ships, so... This is just too weird.  
**

 


	15. Act Fifteen – Unchangeable, Unforgotten

_"It has been said "_ time heals all wounds _". I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." –_ Rose Kennedy _._

She didn't know where she was.

This was not a source of conscious worry. She was in the most pure and instinctive state, to which every being regresses when crossing the limit of horror that the mind is able to stand.

All she knew was the darkness, the desperate beating of her own heart…

And that there was someone there with her.

Screams, she could hear screams. They echoed around, making it impossible to discern one from the other or the source. The words were incoherent, except for the emotions they carried.

Although she couldn't see, she somehow knew there was no way out. Still she walked back, until being stopped by a surface behind. She shrunk against it, trying to feel her path as she searched for a hiding place, an escape route, _anything_.

For a second, there was silence, haunted by the ghosts of the yelling. Her heartbeat made a buzz in her ears, so much that she was sure the person chasing her would hear it…

She stayed still.

Should she go on? Should she stay there?

A bang.

Something shone in the dark in front of her.

She avoided it, but there was a river of agony cutting her nerves as her flesh was torn.

Holding her arm, she felt the warmth of her own blood.

The vibration in her throat could be sobs or words, there was no difference. The blood flew between her fingers, gushing and gushing as if it wanted to run away too and the tears burned her eyes.

The blade sought her flesh again and she jumped, knowing (more than seeing) the direction of a passage. Her persecutor shrieked.

Screamed? Laughed? She didn't know, didn't know!

The smell of her own blood left a trail in the air.

She tried to ignore the ache in her legs.

Run and run, it was all that mattered. There was no way of knowing how long this passage was, but she couldn't risk stopping. Screams or laughter chased her along with a blade.

Something slid down her face, a liquid mask. Blood. Her blood.

Suddenly, a fall.

Body slamming against an irregular surface, bones hitting hard edges.

When she realized it, she was tossed against a smooth surface once more. Blind and in pain, her hand felt around before the girl stood, shivering with an agony that reached her mind, her nerves, all that was her.

She took off to some direction.

Her hair was pulled back, neck bending behind with the bones crying out in protest.

Something cold, oh so cold, at her throat.

Her body jerked forward with the shock, light hurting her eyes and breathing out of rhythm as her hands sought her neck and face…

No wounds. No blood, though the smell was still alive in her senses.

Raz took some deep breaths, fighting to calm herself down. The sensation of dread still holding her organism was familiar and she knew this was the nightmare she used to have (or at least one of them). The first thought to open way across the haze of her mind was that this was the first time she managed to remember the details so vividly.

Now she was not so surprised that most of the dreams would be forgotten once she was awake.

Something warm landed in her shoulder and she recoiled instinctively.

But it was Allen, his face marked by worry and hesitation.

"Raz…?" He muttered, lowering his hand upon seeing the Noah's reaction. Seeing her shaking in her sleep, he had rushed to her with the intention of waking her up when Raz had suddenly sat straight, her breathing quick. She hadn't even noticed him until when he touched her.

"Ah…" She muttered, not knowing what to say and running her hand through her hair, putting away the uneven strands from her face, still remembering the sensation of her own blood down the skin. Allen saw her hand shivered.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah… I'm fine…"

It was a lie and both knew it.

Allen straightened the straps of his backpack, not taking his eyes off her. Raz raised her shoulders in a stretch while looking through the window to the station and picking her own backpack that was at her side.

"Were you having a nightmare?" It was more an affirmation than actual question, trying to test the waters with a gentle tone.

Raz hesitated, almost repeating that she was fine, but became quiet under Allen's gaze that, without a need for words, reminded her of what she had told him when the boy had confessed everything regarding himself and the chain of events that had pushed him to the present situation.

"You remember what you told me?" He said even so, keeping the same tone. Raz had asked him to let her be his friend. The opposite was valid just as well and she understood that was what he meant. While the hesitation remained, there was now something in her pushing against it. She might not understand the dream or how bad it made her feel, but she could trust it to Allen, right? He would not have any explanations either, but he would _listen_.

Raz sighed and nodded slowly.

"It's the first time I can remember it. At least a little…" She whispered as they left their cabin and followed the hallway. A man of dark hair and beard passed by them, muttering apologies when he bumped into Allen's shoulder in his hurry.

Allen didn't mind, his gaze still on the Noah.

"Was it something to do with your memories?" If so, it hadn't been a pleasant moment of her life, that much was obvious. By the way she had seemed to twist, a whimper apparently caught in her throat as a spider… Allen could only imagine what it had been.

"I'm not sure…" Raz remembered the pain caused by fear. But it hadn't been just that or the wounds that had hurt her. Now, keeping the sensation and the images as fresh as she could, Raz realized that there had been something _more_ , something unpleasant that squeezed her heart until it felt like it was full of worms.

"But I think it was." She concluded, trying to act as if it wasn't anything that serious and failing at it. Any other person wouldn't have noticed it, but this was Allen, who had been living with her for months by now and could feel the vibration of her voice.

They left the train, being welcomed by the afternoon sun. Leaving the station, which was close enough to the city's limits, they prepared themselves for a long walk across the green fields. The city where they had agreed to meet with the Exiled was smaller and while being close to this one, it hadn't a train station of its own, so Allen and Raz had agreed to go there by foot. And if they happened to come across someone who could give them a ride, it would be most welcome.

"I… I don't know where I was. I couldn't _see._ " Raz told him. Perhaps it was an illusion due to the sun, but Allen thought that, for a moment, her eyes had gained a golden gleam. "But there was someone there with me. Hurting me…"

Her throat got dry once more. It wasn't so much that there had been someone with her, but _after_ her and the girl needed to control her hand so it wouldn't go to her shoulder, trying to feel a wound that wasn't there.

Had it been a memory? She had no scars that would confirm this, but it meant nothing in the end. The cut in her dream could have not been deep enough to leave scars, no matter how much pain there had been and for what Allen had told her of his battles with the other Noahs…

In face of the nature of her nightmare, Raz would have preferred if it had nothing to do with reality, but she wasn't convinced of it.

Her spine felt cold.

"Do you have any idea of who it was?" Allen asked, curious and concerned. A part of him couldn't help but to wonder if it had been something related to the thirty-five years incident.

Raz, however, just shook her head looking disappointed that she had no answer. Her thoughts were going in the same direction as Allen's: The person of her dream could have been Neah.

" _Maybe it wasn't so much that I couldn't see anything, more like I didn't want to…"_

Allen didn't know what to say and just held her shoulder, relaxing once he felt she didn't shiver or flinched anymore. Had it been Neah? An Exorcist? Or her dream hadn't had anything to do with any of it?

Raz, on another hand, tried to push the dream to the back of her mind. She didn't want to think about it, to be honest, it didn't feel worth the reaction it caused. That voice she couldn't remember, but whose essence was still inside of her. The bites on her flesh. Her blood running down. And there was no context for any of that…

All Raz knew was that there had been someone trying to harm her (if to hurt or kill, she didn't know).

The "who" and "why", she had no idea.

The second most likely answer was that it had been an Exorcist. That made sense as well. Wasn't it how things were supposed to be? This was a constancy that had been made quite clear, be through Allen's tale or that male Noah's actions back in the Forest of Lights…

Why did it make her uneasy? An Exorcist trying to kill a Noah (and vice-versa) would have been… Well… _Natural._ And she would have known this before, too.

She still didn't feel any better.

Realizing Raz was lost in thought and not having to guess the reasons, Allen poked her arm gently with his elbow, pulling her from wherever she was sinking. Her eyes looked dull.

"C'mon, Raz. You know there is no use in thinking about it now…" He tried, not knowing how much of a comfort that was. He could only hope that in their search for info about Mana and Neah, they could perhaps find some answers for her as well. The chances might not be in their favor, but it was still a far better option than going straight to the Earl.

" _Yeah, I can imagine how_ that _would turn out…_ "

"And if it was a memory, well, you are _here_ , right?" He refused to dismiss her feelings by saying it didn't matter or that she shouldn't be bothered. Slowly, he pressed her shoulder again, in a gesture of comfort. The song of Ericas had been a knowledge coming back, more like the name of objects and colors and she had no idea where the song had come from. While that dream might have been just a nightmare (Heavens knew she had enough reasons to have them) it could be far more memory-related.

Raz nodded with a sigh.

"Maybe you're right…" And she stretched her neck back, turning her face to the sky as if trying to force the thoughts to the back of her mind, before deciding to change the subject. "The others will meet us at a restaurant, right?"

Allen embraced the change.

"That was what we combined, remember? And if you ask, I think Elana even will…"

Suddenly, he held her arm, nails digging her skin and forcing her to stop. Raz had no need to ask him what was wrong.

His eye turning red was enough indicative.

At the same time his eye reacted, Raz felt a phantom sensation in her… She couldn't pinpoint exactly, if it was under her heart or at some place in her mind…

There was no time to be wasted unveiling what it was. Allen turned to some direction. A normal person wouldn't be able to hear it or would blame it in noises from the woods, but they were like hounds at this point, used to catch determined sounds of prey. It was something among the wind in the trees, something that had nothing to do with nature.

Raz growled in frustration and worry.

Allen didn't wait, he took off among the trees.

The sensation in his eye was something he knew. It didn't quite hurt, but made his eye feel shivering in the socket, sending waves to the mind.

" _God, let me be wrong if this is what I think it is…"_

Raz jumped the rocks with him. The silver anklet that hadn't left her ever since Allen had given it to her tinkled in an insane cadence.

"What is it?" She knew it was an akuma attack, but the way Allen ran, his grey eye almost silver with a gleam of worry and his tensed muscles, it seemed to be something more this time. She couldn't help but to wonder if this wasn't a reason to run _away_ from whatever that was.

"Just run!" It was the reply. The low sound was intertwined by others, of things hitting against other and falling. There was something else as well. An acute sound that made a twisted rhythm.

Allen knew that, whoever was at that forest, was lost.

Raz felt his urgency. It was easy for her to keep up with Allen. Her resistance had been increasing with the trainings, as if they reminded the body of how its limits differed from normal humans.

The muttering of a waterfall became louder. Allen's eye indicated the right direction. His heart was cold, his lungs had shards in the flesh. His mind conjured images that invited involuntary sensations. Even if he wished he was wrong, the boy knew what he would find soon ahead…

He would have entered the area without hesitation if Raz hadn't hold him, almost making him fall when forcing him against a tree of thick roots to hide.

"RAZ! What do you think…"

The girl's hand went against his mouth as she nodded to the area ahead.

The trees retreated, giving space to flowers of white and shell-pink here and there. A lake was surrounded by smooth rocks. A waterfall muttered its song. In any other occasion, it would have been a beautiful spot, now turned into a battlefield. The ground was torn by large scratches, revealing the dark earth as a wound shows flesh. Some trees had been bended by missed blows and one of the rocks seemed to have been broken.

And the creature hovering there, with an evenly-toothed smile in its face, could have been made of bones. The eyes were red, bereft of anything that resembled sanity, yet having a sort of intelligence to them. The black pentagram on the forehead gave the illusion of a hole against the white.

A Level Four Akuma.

Allen felt his stomach turning just by being close to it. He could see the _soul,_ could hear its whimpering and even now, his body reacted in repulse and compassion. Even without his eye, the creature would have made him sick… Its eyes turned madly in the sockets, as if about to fall. The teeth had no difference, nestling against each other with far too much perfection.

Everything about it was not supposed to _be._

In the horror caused by previous experience and the sight of the tortured soul Allen, however, hadn't seen that there was someone else there. A tall woman whose blonde hair was in a ponytail with some strands loose. With her, there was something that could be a kind of white sagui monkey, if it wasn't for the fact the animal was almost as big as the akuma.

But it hadn't been any of this that had made Raz hold Allen back.

It had been the black coat with a silver symbol.

"Exorcist…" She muttered with a voice Allen had heard before from other Noahs when they referred to the members of the Order, but never from _Raz_. Lately, with the trainings and exposition to the presence of Innocence, she had affirmed to be getting more used to it, making it easier to control the storm that had almost dominated her before.

The situation now it wasn't like that at all.

Perhaps it was because she knew this woman _was_ from the Order, _an Exorcist,_ made her blood stir. For an instance, her eyes became golden and Allen thought her skin was about to darken.

"Klaud Nine." Allen whispered back. "She is one of the Generals."

Raz walked back carefully, face made of ice and ignoring the growls of the monkey and the voice of the akuma. Allen saw at once that she found no reason for them to get involved.

"We can't!" Allen whispered, not making a move to follow her. They were at distance safe enough to talk, covered up by how the Akuma and the General alike were too focused in their fight anyway, but he didn't dare to risk it.

"Listen to yourself!" Raz hissed back, her mouth twisted. It was the only sign of expression and it looked out of place as her face remained somehow empty. "What do you _think_ she is going to do?"

Allen hesitated.

Even if they won against the akuma, there was still Klaud to deal with. There were several ways this could end and _none_ sounded beneficial.

Nonetheless, this knowledge existed in essence alone: He still remembered of the first time he had seen a Level Four… And the giggles he heard now were not from memory nor was the crying of the soul. A man. He wasn't even begging for help anymore. He didn't remember how hope felt like…

"I told you about the Level Four, Raz…" He whispered back. Raz nodded, showing no reaction. Even she, a Noah and unable to see souls, had been unable to avoid being disturbed when Allen had explained to her as much as he could. What she knew about Akumas was what Allen knew and, perhaps _because_ of this, the Level Four was as obscene to her as it would be to any human.

Her eyes slowly drifted back to the clearing, even if her view was largely obscured by the trees. As if this was a cue, they heard a childlike giggle. Low, but sharp enough to cut the sound of the waterfall. A voice mechanic and organic at the same time. Allen almost winced at how it seemed to echo in his brain.

"We can't leave it like this. _I can't."_ He held her wrist with urgency, as if wanting to keep her from leaving. Raz turned, holding his shoulders in the same way.

"What you _can't do_ is to save _everyone_!"

Both stayed in silence before Raz carried on.

"Allen, please, listen to me… _Assuming_ we manage to deal with a Level Four, assuming we manage to run away from that woman, _she is still going to tell everything to the Order!"_ It was impossible to believe otherwise. The towns closer to the road would be investigated and the Exiled would have to leave as soon as possible as well.

And that wasn't all…

"What do you think they will conclude of this?"

Allen hesitated. All the akumas knew about them. And the Earl himself had told Allen they could be used as his own eyes. He didn't know _how_ that worked, but it had been how the man had figured out Allen was actually Neah's host.

Even if Allen convinced Raz to stay hidden, the Level Four would know she should be close by. And he would probably say something about it as well. If she followed Allen in the fight (since hiding was pointless anyway), Klaud would easily figure things out by herself.

No matter what they did, if they fought, then Klaud (and the Order) would know Allen was traveling alongside with a Noah.

What they would take of this?

" _Why didn't they just_ trust _me?"_

His heart throbbed.

They already saw him as an enemy… What would they think then?

What would Lenalee and the others think?

Such thoughts didn't take more than two seconds. As important as they were, they were secondary.

He couldn't. He still couldn't just turn away.

"Raz… Even so… It just _doesn't matter!"_ There was more he could say, to try to explain, but he limited himself to get free, to let his backpack fall among the roots and run around behind the trees so he could attack the akuma's back. The surprise element could at least be somewhat useful, he hoped, if the creature was distracted enough.

The Noah felt her blood agitating once more. It was lunacy. They shouldn't be doing that. They should just…

She heard the akuma laughing again.

Growling to herself, she threw her own bag at the ground.

"Damn your "heart of Exorcist", Allen _!"_

Klaud backed away, ignoring the pain in her arm. Due to being Parasitic, all that Lau Shimin suffered affected her as well. The monkey waved his tail. Right now, their minds were connected, thoughts touching each other in essence.

The akuma touched his mouth with his fingertip, like a child excited for a perverse game.

It attacked.

Lau jumped backwards to avoid it, also protecting his owner, who could feel in a corner of her own thoughts the monkey's rage for the akuma. It wasn't so much what the akuma _was,_ but the threat it posed to Klaud.

Fist still in the ground, the akuma tilted the head to the side, still smiling.

"You're fun!" It chirped in that twisted voice. "Try to not die soon, okay!"

The whip cut across the grass. Lau jumped with a roar that wouldn't ever be heard from a normal monkey, throwing himself against the akuma, carving the claws in the metal, without being able to pierce it.

"We're not here to play." The woman snarled dryly, focusing her energies in her hands and feet, joining her strength to Lau's. A pain pierced her interior when the Akuma's wings hit the animal's shoulders, as if to break his bones.

Lau backed away and attacked at the same instance a ball of Dark Matter came to her. Klaud jumped with the grace of a cat, landing in a rock nearby. Her right shoulder and Lau's were a mass of flesh that throbbed.

Neither of them paid attention to it.

The akuma giggled in delight and went to her.

Klaud whip cut the air. The part of her mind that was hers and Lau's attacked, grabbing his wings and pressing them with all strength they had as the ankles were crossed in the Akuma's waist to avoid a fall. With any other akuma, she would have gotten close enough to hold it with her whip, but with a Level Four, it could do more harm than good.

_"Let's crush those wings, Lau!"_ She sent the thought to her Innocence-monkey, a deep agreement coming from the animal. For the first time, the Akuma shook itself with anger, throwing itself against the ground to crush Lau. They fought back, Lau managing to change position, aiming the akuma's head to the ground instead.

In the last minute, they had to let go. Lau felt the akuma would be able to turn in the last second. The wings looked somewhat damaged, but not enough.

A wave of Dark Matter was casted in the air. Klaud jumped, but the vibration in the air hit her foot. Pain sliced her when she felt the Akuma grabbing Lau's ankle as he tried to avoid the attack.

The creature threw the monkey in the ground, but made the mistake of releasing him. Lau jumped to his paws, avoiding a more painful impact.

Klaud stood over the rock, managing to balance herself.

The akuma seemed curious, as if thinking that by distracting Klaud he would have been able to attack the monkey more easily. It wasn't possible. Once the Innocence that was Lau was activated, there was no way to break their link.

The akuma rushed to her with a sound that could be a laugh or shriek.

Lau ran to stand before Klaud.

The akuma let out a scream.

At first, Klaud didn't understand what was going on. The creature moved its hands against its eyes in agitation… Then she saw. There was something black in its eyes, like a mist. The akuma shook itself, trying to get rid of something that was on its back.

" _I didn't expect this…"_ The thought came out of control. She had no time for hesitation or disbelief, there was no way of fooling herself upon seeing the cape, the whiteness that was so different from the akuma's.

It was Allen Walker.

The boy stabbed his sword in the middle of the Akuma's back, who cried out and tumbled in the air, agitating the wings to throw Walker off. He jumped, the cape helping him in the air so he didn't have a bad fall, landing near Lau.

The Akuma growled and attacked blindly. More black stuff threw itself against his back as dark jewels, holding his wings.

"Walker!" Klaud couldn't hold the yell, let alone the surprise. What on Earth was he doing here?

He turned to her with a smile. She had a strong impression it was more fragile than what she remembered from the times she had seen him…

"Good afternoon, General Nine!" And he turned back to the akuma, attacking it and joined by Lau. With the proximity, Klaud could better understand the thing in the akuma's back. It looked like oil while that on the eyes was the darkest mist she had ever seen, more like…

That was it. It wasn't mist, it was _shadow_. Pure shadow. She had no idea how that could be possible, but didn't care. Suddenly, Klaud noticed another person ahead, who kept staring at the akuma, darkness moving around her as serpents.

Allen pressed the Akuma's throat as he attacked with the sword. The monkey joined him, turning and holding the wings. The contact with the black oil felt unpleasant for both Klaud and Lau, even if they were far more focused in breaking those wings. The akuma started to fall, but threw them away. A movement of his wings seemed to slice the straps around them.

Allen stood in front of Klaud and the other person, a girl of long hair, approached quickly and wasted just a glance at the General. The boy had a cut on his arm and seemed to have hurt his leg, and while the girl hadn't come close to the akuma, she had a cut in her face and her arm was shivering. Klaud had a moment to wonder if she was connected to the shadows like she was to Lau.

The akuma backed away and studied the new opponents.

_It smiled._

_"_ Ah! Ah! It's you!" It shouted in excitement. It was an obscene sight and Klaud thought it was going to start _clapping_. "It's you! Allen Walker and Raziah! What a _luck!"_ Renewed by the enthusiasm, it attacked, hands full of Dark Matter.

The boy lifted his sword. The girl had shadows slithering around, Lau and Klaud flexed their muscles…

The Dark Matter came for them. Walker called upon Crown Edge, a white symbol shining from his sword before going against the akuma and a black wall rose in front of them. Raz's arms shivered when the akuma's attack hit her barrier, that faded as broken crystal. It had at least confused the akuma enough so Allen's sword pierced its shoulder.

" _Why isn't she attacking in another way?"_ The blonde wondered. If she could control things like that, then she shouldn't be limited to just hold the creature or making shields. The akuma's laugher called her attention. It didn't sound like before. It was still lacking in sanity, but it wasn't out of mockery anymore…

"Didn't expect to find the two Noah! The Earl wants you! He will be so _happy_!"

Klaud felt her blood stopping as time ceased its existence.

_Two_ Noah?

Her gaze went from Allen Walker to the girl and back to the akuma. Calling Walker a Noah was understandable, but… That was strange. It had no reason to lie, not about such matters, nor could it be mistaken. But if that girl was a true Noah, then why was she fighting _against_ an akuma?

Allen avoided looking at the General. The worry for the consequences of what she had just found out was the last thing in his mind, but he still didn't want to see how she must be looking at him now.

"What he wants or not is of no matter." Raz said, her smooth voice laced with coldness and more bravery than she actually felt.

"And if he _wants_ us" Allen completed, lifting his head and pointing the sword to the opponent in challenge. "Let him come and claim us!"

Something gleamed in the Akuma's eyes as it gritted its teeth with a sound of nails against blackboard. Its head tilted to the side. Allen couldn't tell if it was debating something with itself no more than he could tell if it was charmed or aggravated by their words.

"I wanted to play with the Exorcist some more." It moaned, the face then twisting in pleasure. "But the Earl wants you!"

Allen held his sword, but Lau stood at his side and Klaud approached.

"Walker, get ready to jump over him!" She told him. The boy nodded, still not looking at her. Klaud glanced at the girl with the corner of her eyes, trying to get whatever clues there might be in her behavior. "Noah, can you blind him again?"

"Yes." It was a hissed answer between clenched teeth.

Klaud had no idea of how she felt about all this, but there was no time to care.

When the akuma darted to them, the General moved her whip. Walker jumped, using his cape's straps to wrap the creature's neck and grab his back, once more piercing it with his sword. The akuma let out a cry of rage and pain. The girl avoided a blow and waved as if casting something against him. A gush of shadows was on the red eyes, around the head. Fast as it was, Walker's attack and the sudden blindness, the akuma had no time to change directions.

Lau punched the face, tail wrapping its ankles to stop the creature of getting away. The girl gestured and Klaud felt the shadows slipping between the monkey's tail to hold the ankles as well. The creature that looked like made of human bones struggled.

Klaud felt its strength. The claws against skin.

Lau grabbed its waist with the hinder legs and hit the skull with the paws, pressing to crush it.

Allen's fingers were iron as he fought for balance and to stab deeper. The akuma's struggled, hitting him. He didn't let go. Neither did the monkey or the shadows that fought to hold the akuma.

There was an explosion of dark matter.

Allen jumped, the white cape around him in a shield, but the pressure hit his bones as invisible hands. Lau let go along with Klaud, jumping backwards to avoid it. Shadows wrapped Raz in defense.

The akuma stood, growling and gritting teeth.

Still alive.

Klaud stood with Lau. She knew the akuma wouldn't dare to kill Walker as the Earl had already made clear he wanted the boy alive. It was safe to assume it was the same with that Noah girl, if she was indeed on Walker's side… But this meant no advantage, the woman knew it.

Lau managed to hold akuma's head, claws pressing the same points of before, trying to crack it. The akuma grabbed his throat in reply and Klaud couldn't breathe. The bones of her neck screamed in protest.

Then, air again.

Walker hit the akuma's waist, the Noah's shadows holding its wrist and pulling them up, twisting them. Walker proceeded to attack the same point in its back that was already weakened by the previous stabs.

The akuma turned, his claws closing around him.

Lau held it, trying to bite the neck. The akuma avoided it with a demented smile.

Shadows again. They held its throat, pulling back. When the akuma released Walker in an attempt to grab whatever was doing this, oily straps held the wrists and twisted its arms back in a movement that would have dislocated a human's arm, pulling as if set in ripping them apart.

Lau took the chance to hold the akuma down.

With a growl that could be an eardrum-piercing scream, the akuma struggled in rage and its hand went against the Noah, who couldn't move in time and rolled in the grass leaving blood drops.

It went to her, feet on her chest, pressing as if to cut her breath.

The monkey went for it, claws in the very spot between the wings, breaking the armor that it was its skin. Walker was on his feet again and aimed the side of its face, throwing the sword and hitting the cracks previously made by Lau and Klaud.

The explosion's impact threw them all to the ground, a wave of heat that gave the sensation of standing next to a door to Hell before the akuma finally died.

Klaud felt the bones shivering inside the skin. Yet, she refused to give in. Deactivating her Innocence, Lau was back to his regular size and when Klaud approached, the monkey let out an " _eep_ " and went to her, movements slowed down.

With gentle hands, Klaud leaned down and picked the small white animal, holding it in her arms. Lau nestled there, exhausted. Now that the fight was over, their wounds hurt more than they had during the fight, with nothing to distract them from it. Klaud's shoulder was pure agony and she would have several bruises in her abdomen later, not to mention the deep cuts.

Still, her face remained calm and didn't denounce anything when she took a few steps towards Allen Walker and the Noah girl. The boy was on his knees, still holding his sword for support. The other was on her knees. Both were catching their breaths as shiver-like spams shook their bodies.

The ground under them was stained with blood.

" _What_ are _they doing together?"_ Her mind ran fast through the possibilities and the rumors about Walker that had been renewed by Chaozii's report. She recalled the first time she had seen a Level Four akuma for a moment before tossing the image aside, studying the two people before her. Both had cheap clothes. Walker looked thinner, his hair longer. The Noah had a jet-black hair and Klaud saw a small chain with pendants around her ankle.

The blonde stepped closer.

The Noah turned to her.

Darkness took her eyes.

Surprised, Klaud raised her hand to her face. The _touch_ of those things… For a moment, instinct made her want to scratch them, to do anything to try getting rid of them before her self-control came in her aid. Lau, who had time to run to her shoulders, screeched and the woman knew he also had those things on his eyes. Although there was no pain, the way her optic nerves twisted told her that _there could be…_

"We're very sorry for this, General!" Walker's voice came from some point, fading as he probably took off. Klaud couldn't say anything in response, only relieved once she could see again. A needle of coldness ran inside her spine and her fingers touched her eyes, as if needing to be sure the shadows were gone.

For a moment, she wanted to go to the lake and wash her eyes.

Walker and a Noah…

" _That was strange…_ " She thought to herself.

On her shoulder, Lau made a small sound, as if in agreement.

**XxX**

"Yo, Allen, Raz!" Lauren lifted her hand upon seeing the two entering the small restaurant, smiling when they approached. She frowned a little, seeing a bandage on Raz's face and how they had tried to hide stains in their clothes. "Was the trip that bad? Because, no offense, you don't look so good…"

"We just ordered, you guys pick something too." Elana said gently, gesturing for them to sit when they remained standing there as she studied their state, not masking her worry. "What happened?"

Allen felt his body becoming empty. He didn't regret his decision of helping Klaud, but now that he had to tell them how they should leave at once… His eyes went to the restaurant's door and he half-expected to see Crows coming in. Had Klaud called the Order already?

His mind, taunting itself, repeated words of the whispers he had tried to ignore when everyone had learnt how he was the host of a Noah and of when Levelier had ordered him to be placed in the dungeons…

It gave him some idea of how they would react _now_ , even when a part of him tried to hold to _some_ hope.

Why did it still hurt? Even after months?

He swallowed hard and forced himself to say.

"Actually… I think we should finish eating and get any train we can as fast as possible…" He said quickly, the words almost stumbling on each other. It didn't stop the group from understanding it and the atmosphere changed at once. It was one of the occasions in which Allen would have liked to not look at anyone as he felt the air grow thicker with tension.

"What happened? Did you see someone at the street or on your way here?" Alison asked as she frowned, leaning over the table to his direction. Allen looked at Raz for help, but she had an air of serenity that didn't match the situation.

"You explain it." The reply was simple, leaving the message clear: He had decided to help the General, then he should be the one to tell the others about it. Allen took a deep breath, hoping they wouldn't at least be too angry at him… If someone asked, Allen might have admitted that even though he had never been quite close to Klaud Nine, it had agitated something inside him. It was as if he still wasn't as used as he thought to the idea of running away all the time and how the Order probably wanted him dead now…

Such was the effect of seeing a known face.

It wasn't like running away from people he knew were from the Order just due to their clothing.

His eyes passed by the Exiled, who were waiting for the explanations. Samuel was leaning as to better look at him at Elana's side, his dark eyes on him with the seriousness of someone getting ready for bad news. Elana examined Allen and Raz, her worry clearly growing while Alison remained leaning over the table. Allen wondered, not for the first time, which their reasons for leaving the Order had been, and if they were used to running away from people they had known or if they still felt like he did.

With a sigh, he started to speak about how he had felt an akuma's presence and found Klaud Nine with a Level Four, how he and Raz had fought it and been seen, trying to get over it quickly even if it was not a long story. Food arrived with no one interrupting, safe for Elana insisting that the two of them ate something even if it was just a sandwich.

"You _moron!"_ Alison muttered, shaking her head as her green eyes remained on the boy without blinking. There was no actual anger there, she sounded more like confirming a fact, but there was no denial she was far from pleased.

"Oh, Allen… That was really _insane!_ And very irresponsible." Elana said sternly, but somehow not unkindly. And it wasn't as if Allen's choice of actions came as a great surprise to her. "Look, I understand that you meant well and I'm not saying that's wrong, but you need to think more about your own safety. You can't afford taking risks like this ever again! _"_

The white-haired boy just shrugged. Although he felt bad, it was just because of the consequences and how it could affect the rest of the group, he couldn't (nor wanted to) regret helping Klaud.

"Klaud Nine is a General, Allen." Samuel reminded without sounding condescending, almost speaking to himself as they stood to pay and leave. "She didn't get this position for nothing, I can assure you…"

"And she is really strong." Lauren interjected, a light affection slowly creeping to her tone. "She has been in several battles… And I'm not saying this just because I was in her unit." The girl added fairly. She remembered Klaud as a wise woman and trusted she would have backed off had it been called for. "I saw her fighting, she knows how to take care of herself."

Allen would have liked to ask more about their days at the Order, but the situation was not propitious and the idea was buried. He hadn't been unaware of Klaud Nine's strength nor did he doubt the woman's skills, his actions had had nothing to do with things of this nature. He just shook his head slowly.

"Even so… You never saw a Level Four, Lauren. When they invaded the Order…" He stopped talking, that being enough to remind them of what he had told regarding the war. Even if Klaud might have been able to deal with that herself.

"I just couldn't." He said as they walked through a hallway in the hotel they were staying at. Allen was just thankful that no one here was mad at him.

"You're crazy. You're definitely _crazy_ ". Lauren turned to Raz as she picked some clothes and threw them in her bag in a hurry. "Raz, I think it's better for you to watch out. You're going to end up crazy like him."

"Speaking of it…" The dark eyes of Samuel landed in the girl lightly, but with enough firmness for Raz and Allen feel their organs turning into stone. "Did you fight as well, Raz?"

It was certainly the impression Allen had unwillingly given. There was no lying either, since her appearance was not of someone who had merely remained hidden. Both were aware how this might seem weird when, back on their first meeting, Raz's behavior had been of someone who had no way of getting involved in a battle, even when cornered by a Noah.

"It's just that…" She tried to think about a lie, anything that could work while wanting to keep her eyes in his, but for some reason the girl found out she was unable to do so. It was easier to look at the floor. At her side, Allen grew tense as he noticed the others looking at them, perhaps knowing there was something there neither of them was telling. Perhaps they should be honest and tell the truth, but Allen couldn't deny the fear that was creeping inside him at the idea.

What would they say once they learned what Raz was?

What would they say once they learned Allen was a host?

They might not be with the Order anymore, but they were still Innocence Accommodators. They were still against the akuma. And the Noah.

" _How will they look at us?"_ The thought came to Raz without control and she felt strange. Heavy. Everything became bitter to the senses.

The same question came to Allen. The difference was that he had enough basis to have an idea of the answer. He remembered people who had been pleasant to him back home and how they had started to look at him as if he was something rotting or a dangerous snake…

His friends had remained with him, of course, but those looks were still real…

He… He just didn't want those people to look at him like that.

"Raz?" Alison asked in a gentle tone as the two kept their silence.

The girl and Allen exchanged looks. None of them was sure of what was the best decision… And they hadn't time to deliberate either, they had to _leave_.

Raz didn't know what to do.

" _They will probably scream…"_ The thought came with resignation. That was if they didn't attack immediately. " _They will remember the akumas and Tyki Mikk…"_ And her eyes burned with the image of Samuel taking stitches in his chest and how it had probably left a scar, Lauren hurt, Alison fighting…

But the alternative of a lie…

" _Don't they deserve the truth?"_

At least, not bearing it anymore, Raz took a quiet breath and allowed the truth to surface.

It was an easy process, as much as slipping a piece of clothing off or allowing an invisible water to wash a fresh stain. Her skin darkened slowly until reaching the ash color that was natural of the Noahs. Black stigmas crossed her forehead as flowers blooming. The grey blue of her eyes dissolved, leaving in its place an animalistic yellow.

Someone let out a sound of shock.

"Oh, my God…" A whisper.

"You gotta be kidding…"

A part of Raz wanted to keep her head high. While the sensation was inside her, it also felt somewhat distant and she found out _she_ didn't want to look at anyone. It was easier to look at the ground and it was enough to feel those gazes upon her, anyway… They would scream. Or attack, she could bet.

It was how things were, right?

Allen looked at the others warily. He _liked_ them, but if there was any sign of hostility, he and Raz would not hesitate to defend themselves.

Raz felt someone coming closer and looked up to see Alison standing closer in front of her, face not letting anything out. She just stood there, her green eyes studying the Noah. Raz almost wished the girl would… Scream, hit her, do _something_ instead of just stand there. In slow steps, Lauren approached her as well from the side.

Samuel and Elana exchanged glances before looking back at her. Allen thought he caught a glimpse of something strange in Elana's eyes before it was gone.

He, on his turn, kept his head high as he stood at the Noah's side as the two girls seemed to be considering her, Alison hiding her feelings as much as Raz's, who just looked back at her as if she couldn't care less about what the others' reactions would be.

Allen knew better. And he couldn't say he liked seeing her like that. His own throat got dry as he imagined how they would look at _him_ once he told everything. And his mind once again placed the eyes he had seen in the Order in their faces.

"Well, I… I _did_ think you were hiding something..." Elana said in a voice firm enough once she caught Allen looking at her. Her coat was still in her hands and the woman seemed to have forgotten she was holding it at all. "I didn't think it would be something like that…"

None of them had. And now… She couldn't avoid looking at Raz. How had that even _happened_? The fear that had come over her at first was easily overpowered by the confusion.

Even Allen couldn't help observing Raz with the corner of his eyes. It was hard not to, considering it was practically the first time since her waking that she assumed her true shape (at least as far as he knew).

How could someone look so human… And yet be anything but?

He looked back at Samuel, who was observing him. He knew this was not something you could just say "doesn't matter" or just accept and then avoid entirely. With another breath, he said.

"And I'm the host of a Noah."

This attracted the others' attention back to him. Lauren was unable to hide her surprise, her frown increasing as she blinked, as if trying to find some sense in what she had just heard. Allen hurried up, suddenly needing to do move, to do _something_ and picked a blouse he had been putting away some seconds ago as he helped Lauren to pack.

Raz stood still, also attentive to the reactions of the Exiled, didn't say anything. Now in front of her, Lauren looked at her while biting her lower lip for a moment. Then, slowly, she lifted her hand close to her chest, her eyes questioning… Raz showed no reaction and when Lauren's hand moved closer, she lowered her head to the girl. With a delicate touch, Lauren brushed the strands of dark hair away, then touching the stigmas.

The skin boasted no difference to the touch, not even the black marks. However, right in the center of those, Lauren felt scars. She stood in the end of her feet to take a better look, despite the height difference between her and the girl not being more than a few centimeters. Yes, she could almost see them, nestled right in the center of each stigma. They were more like small fissures in the flesh, as if they had been carved over and over only to never close completely.

She looked at the other's eyes. The pupil was thinner and oval-shaped against an iris of melted gold that was larger than that of a human. Perhaps it was Lauren's impression, but she found there was an almost reptilian quality to those eyes… The inner corner was sharp, pointing down as if meaning to follow the nose, like the eyes of a feline or some other animal.

"But… But you're an _Accommodator_! Then how…" Elana was at loss, speaking in what could be shock or plain puzzlement. To hear that someone who had Innocence (even more one of Parasitic Innocence) also had Noah genes in him was like hearing that someone had managed to mix water and oil, or fire and water.

Wait, that wasn't quite right, was it? Allen didn't say he was a Noah as well, but that he was a _host_ of one. It didn't sound like he was like Raz. Then what…?

"It's a long story…" Allen sighed. "We… We don't have much time." It seemed the blonde woman was going to insist until she shook her head, agreeing and started to fold her coat once again as if remembering she was still holding it. The boy was thinking about how at least start telling everything when he saw Lauren holding Raz's hands, touching one of her nails with the tip of her finger while Raz just watched without any expression.

Lauren broke contact, still glancing at Raz. She again received no protests, just a silent permission and slowly, she took the grey hand on hers and examined the skin and the black nails with a fascinated intrigue that she couldn't bother explaining even to herself… That time when they had crossed paths with Tyki Mikk had been the first time she had seen a Noah, but this was different, not only to the proximity or to how she could approach without any risk (Allen had told them of the Noah abilities and the very idea of having an organ ripped out of her as Tyki had admitted doing to several Exorcists was enough to make her own heart beat faster as if to remind the body it was still alive).

Her thumb ran across one of Raz's fingers. She looked so much like a human… And at the same time, it was so obvious she belonged to a different species altogether. It was something her blood seemed to know and prevented her from thinking anything else. The tip of her finger touched one of the fingernails.

"They… They are really black…" Lauren muttered as if not aware the thought was escaping her. It was natural color, not something done with nail polish or anything of the sort. Black and polished, they vaguely resembled claws in some way.

"Lauren, give her _a break!"_ Alison snapped, turning her head to them with a roll of her eyes. As if realizing now what she had been doing and how childish (or maybe offensive) it could be seen, Lauren released the Noah's hand.

"I'm sorry, sorry for this… It's just… I mean…" Her mocha skin darkened with a furious blush. She hadn't meant to invade her space or to make Raz feel like a zoo animal, but there was a kind of fascination towards a being so different. It was… It was somewhat like being able to come closer to a panther or tiger, aware it wouldn't attack you (and not due to being drugged).

"That's alright." Raz replied and it was true. That innocent curiosity the other had displayed was far preferable to the reaction Raz had expected. Somehow, she felt a little better, too… Even if she had no idea of how to act or what to say now.

Picking a backpack that looked ages old, Alison still asked in a controlled tone. Her mind was holding to the days they had spent together and how Raz had never showed anything even remotely alike hostility… And Allen had fought at their side and helped them. A part of her whispered it could be a long-term pretense, but she tried to send the idea away as well as hostile emotions that, truth to be told, were more towards _someone else_ rather than Allen or Raz.

"Do you mind if I ask why you aren't with the Clan?"

Raz and Allen didn't need to look at each other: Both felt their stomachs turning.

"Like Allen said… It is a long story..." But under the gaze of the group, they knew they should start at some point. Then, as they helped the others to get ready and took their way to a train station, the story was told, about the Fourteenth, Apocryphos, Allen's escape and Raz's lack of memories.

**XxX**

Allen knew it could take a long time until he tracked the old circus down (as necessary as it was, just the idea made him want to puke) and as such, he and Raz decided to stay with the group for some time more until they reached a far away town he remembered being one of the places the troupe used to have a good audience. The time could also be used to gather more money, as it would be a long trip.

And all that aside, there was another factor that while simpler, was the most important: They wanted to stay with them.

Deciding to get as far away as possible for now, they had taken a train and would get down at the final destination. And Allen knew none of them would be against taking another train if they felt the distance was not enough, no mattering if the expense was not something they had been quite prepared for, since they usually stayed in a town enough to earn at _least_ half of what the tickets used to cost.

As such, the rest of their day had been spent practically all inside the train compartment and some hours in a station. Still, it hadn't been unpleasant. Time went by fast as they talked and explained what had happened, some of the others even talking about when they had been Exorcists. The night fell and stars came to look down to Earth, lights of town were left behind as the train they were in rushed across dark fields.

Raz and Alison were sitting by the window and looking outside. Lauren was sitting at the Noah's side, head resting back as she watched Allen and Elana playing cards. The woman could see that she would lose easily. Samuel watched as well sitting at her side and occasionally caressing her as the woman cuddled closer to him.

"But now I can understand." Alison whispered to Raz as they talked. "What that Noah said, when we first met, about you two. How you had no place but with them…"

By the sound of it, Alison considered those words to be nonsensical for some reason. Raz just acquiesced. They had talked little of _what_ she was, but not out of repugnance for the subject and more because they had somehow found it easier to accept after understanding her situation and Allen's. It _was_ something that would take time to all of them to get used to, yes, but even if things didn't work out in the end, there was something good about not having such secrets between them anymore.

Alison, as well as the others, had remained in silence for quite some minutes after hearing their whole story until Samuel had nodded.

"Well, it was wise…"

Both had looked at the man with clear surprise.

"Say what?"

"Come again?"

"It was wise that you didn't tell us" He had repeated in his deep rumble of voice with a nod. "You had no reason to trust us, I know."

"But…" Raz started, even if she had no words left anymore. Alison still stared at her and evaluated the girl before shrugging, trying to force her muscles to relinquish the tension that still held them.

"Anyway… I guess it doesn't change things much." She was telling this not only to them, but herself as well. Samuel was right. First off, they hadn't had reasons to just go and tell everything when they had just met. And second, well, just like Allen wasn't with the Order anymore, Raz wasn't with the Clan. A part of Alison still wanted to get away from the both of them, but she hadn't forgotten their days together as few as they had been in the great scale of things.

Samuel continued, looking at Raz who had resumed her human appearance.

"Do you want to kill us?"

"No!" Her reply had been almost laced with despair, in a very rare display of emotions. The man's question had reached back when she had seen Allen's Innocence for the first time, to how she had wanted to rip his arm to shreds with her bare hands and in such way that it was almost as if she was reliving it again.

She didn't want to do that. She _didn't_.

Elana took a deep breath.

"I believe in you." She decided. At least she would, until and if given reason to change her mind. What else could she do? "If you wanted to hurt us, you could have done so already. You had the chances…" At this, Elana tried to stop her mind from superimposing Tyki Mikk's cruel smile on Raz' face. She turned to Allen. "And you left the Order. And you're trying to fight this… Neah."

She had almost said "Noah", but with her tone getting colder at the start of the word, she had corrected herself in the last instance.

"And you refused." Alison muttered, bringing Raz back to the present. "That man. You didn't go with him."

"I want to remember what I forgot." The other mumbled sincerely. "But I don't want to go to the Clan for that." She didn't need to elaborate more than this. Alison nodded, her green eyes traveling through the sky and the silver dots that were the stars.

It was quite strange. They _had_ spoken of their days in the Order as well and Alison had to admit there were different sensations of back then and now…

But the Order had _always_ taught them how Noahs were monsters, killers who deserved no mercy (since they didn't have any for starters) and it wasn't as if the akumas and the Earl had ever showed signs of it to be an unjust concept. However… Once out of the Organization, free from the imposed mindset, one could start to see things without being so controlled by such rules.

Alison had to admit that if she was still in the Order now, then she would probably _never_ have believed those two meant no harm… Well, except Allen, maybe, as none of this was his fault.

"Well, don't think about what he said, okay? The guy is an idiot." Lauren smiled, turning to the two of them. They _had_ a place. They had a place with each other, so there. And if Lauren could say so, they had a place with them as well, as far as she was concerned. "And you know… Even if you don't get to remember everything… It doesn't mean you truly lost yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you're a good person." She said, as if it settled the matter, even if she knew it wasn't so easy. Lauren was also perfectly aware that Raz probably hadn't been exactly nice to humans before, but she probably had been to her Clan. And now, she and Allen were part of _their_ group.

And like Samuel had said as well, if they had meant any harm, they could have done it already.

Alison nodded briefly in agreement. Experiences helped to shape someone after all. Even if Raz didn't recover her memories, maybe she hadn't lost _herself_ completely. And if she had been totally different before, Alison liked the Noah she knew now.

Thinking well, perhaps it wasn't different from them, who had been Exorcists and didn't want to go back to the Order…? The thought led her to say.

"And just because you're from the Clan, well… It doesn't have to mean anything. I was… An Exorcist. I know it isn't the same, but…" No, it wasn't, since that just meant someone who could use Innocence while Noah was more of a species. Alison wasn't truly sure of how to say what she felt clearly (contrary to how Lauren always seemed to be able to do). It was confusing.

Without her knowing, Raz was feeling lighter after hearing this.

"I just meant that you don't have to go with them if you don't want to. Like we didn't have to stay in the Order. We just had to find a way of… Getting out." Her tone was almost of joking, but it didn't match her gaze.

"You faked your own death…" Raz muttered carefully, leaning to the girl who nodded. They had spoken of that as well… Of their reasons.

"It was a bit complicated to come up with an idea… I took advantage of a mission I was in. You know the Golems?" And indicated Timcampy with her head. The little golden creature flew around the cabin, either looking at Elana's cards or Allen's or circling their heads. It was amusing, for the woman threw him a dark look and tried to hide her cards every time the golem did so, as if he could tell his owner. "We always had to have one with us to not lose communication."

"Allen told me…"

"Since they also have recorded memories, when an akuma attacked me, I destroyed it. So, when the Order tried to recover the images of the fight, it would all end in an explosion. They wouldn't be able to actually know it had been me, at least that was what I hoped. And I left my coat, bloodied and torn." This part had been easier in comparison, since she _had_ let the akuma hurt her enough so the others would see it in the recording.

Since Alison knew she couldn't go back to the hotel room she had been staying in (since the Order would investigate and then learn she had passed there afterwards), she had hidden a small bag with an extra clothing in the bag Exorcists used to take along in long missions.

Alison had been planning her escape for a while.

The grey-haired girl looked through the window, muttering more to herself than Raz.

"Someone helped me…"

A second of silence passed between them.

"General Yeegar?" Raz guessed, receiving a look of surprise from Alison, who then confirmed. She hadn't revealed that part.

"Yes… Yes, it was him…" She shook her head to herself. Suddenly, her eyes were dull. She sighed. "At first, it was really bad, I didn't know anymore where to go and was always looking over my shoulders, thinking someone of the Order would find me and drag me back. It took a time. Then later, I eventually met Samuel and the others. Things got better then."

No need to think about the reason. Everything was more hurtful when you were alone and Alison had been more than alone.

After that long day, Raz and Allen knew what had happened.

" _Irene… That must have been terrible to Alison…"_

The Order had been a home for all of them. There was no way it could have been easy to leave it after spending years there… A bit awkwardly, as someone who isn't sure if she is doing something rightly, Raz held her hand in a friendly gesture.

Alison blinked to the other's touch, but didn't reject it. Both looked to the sky again and the fields when a protest from Elana called their attention.

"Allen, you are _cheating!"_

The boy assumed an innocent expression, eyes almost those of a puppy.

"Elana! How can you accuse me of this?" He sounded hurt, the " _even more since you have no evidence"_ floating among them so clearly that it did not comply with the pretense. Alison and Raz just glanced at each other before they held a giggle.

"Well, Ela, you _knew_ that was bound to happen, but still accepted to play…" Lauren pointed out, apparently finding the exchange (especially Allen's response) quite funny. She shrugged, as if to tell the other those were the consequences. Allen nodded to her words, still keeping an innocent façade.

"Well, what can I say?" He shuffled the cards again in a way that would have shamed a professional. "I had to perfect my skills thanks to my Master's debts, especially with the amount he would spend on women and drinks and what not…" At this, Elana rolled her eyes. Even what she had heard about Cross, she couldn't accept that someone would be _that_ irresponsible while taking care of someone of Allen's age. At least the boy hadn't been tainted by it, something she firmly believed to be due to how Mana had raised him.

"Didn't Cross use to make passes at Klaud?" Alison asked, remembering something of this sort had been had mentioned once or twice by either Lauren or Samuel. Allen couldn't help but to scoff, as he recalled how he had found his Master on a couch, holding a bottle of wine and having his arm around Klaud's shoulder, insisting that she would have a drink with him. When Allen had "dropped" the papers he had been carrying on the man's head, she had rolled her eyes and taken the chance to leave before Cross could try to stop her or, more likely, annoy her any further.

He didn't expect to feel somewhat sad when remembering this… It wasn't that his Master's behavior had stopped being irritating, but…

"He did, from time to time when they met." Samuel muttered with an amused sound. "Oh, he knew she _hated_ his guts, but it didn't stop him…" And needless to say, nor would Klaud always telling him to drop dead and go to Hell.

"Geez, why I'm not surprised?" Allen asked, finding it a scenario easy to imagine.

"There was a time…" Lauren started, sitting straight. "I was on a mission with her and this drunk guy came to us while we were investigating. You know, too gone to understand "no" or that he was being an idiot? I don't know if he got on her nerves enough or what, but later Klaud talked to me about people like that and… Well, she didn't mention Cross by name, but she _did_ say a few things about, and I'm quoting, a worthless example of man. And how it would be better if I never mingled with people like him."

From what Allen had seen of Klaud, she had always seemed a rather patient woman, so he guessed this man (and his Master) were the kind who really aggravated her if she had indeed given Lauren a talk about it. On another hand, it was a little amusing to imagine Lauren sitting there like a child listening to her mother going on about "bad boys".

"Guess she was glad you never met him." Samuel suggested. "Maybe she didn't want you to fall for his "charm" or whatever."

"Honestly, from what I hear, I don't think he is my type, anyway…" She meant that regarding both his personality and looks. Most of the time, she had a preference for darker hair rather than red.

"Oh, Lauren, I don't know…" Allen interjected, his expression becoming somber as he had seen the effect his Master could have on females (and males) when he wanted to, even those who were aware of his true personality. Maybe it was a good thing that his Master had never come in contact with her or Alison. "I _really_ don't get it, but a lot of women really like Master…"

Lauren remained unconvinced and scoffed.

"Oh, _please_. I used to have a crush on Alison." She indicated the girl with her head. "I think this means I have a better taste."

"Uh… Thanks, I guess?" Alison muttered, a pale pink surging in her face.

"Really?" Allen asked as Raz tilted her head. It was the first time they heard about that.

"Back when we met, I did." Lauren continued in the same tone, glancing at Alison for a brief moment before continuing. The fact in itself had never bothered the other girl or stopped them from becoming friends, but Alison just never knew how to act when it came up, at times wondering how she had not noticed it. "It was just a crush, nothing serious. And with a little observation, I got that Ali is straight while I swing both ways, so..."

"What does that mean?" Raz asked.

"It means I like boys and girls."

"Oh."

"Anyway, I knew it wouldn't work, so I decided it would be better to let it go." She finished as if it was indeed just that. There was no need to go into details. It was one of those things that just happened.

"I'll never forget when you told us that." Samuel couldn't help but to chuckle to himself.

"I didn't _tell_ you," The girl protested. "It just… Slipped."

"Slipped, she says."

"Look, it was one of those conversations when you talk too much, do you think I planned that?" By then Lauren didn't have any feelings for Alison anymore and had thought she wouldn't ever say anything about it either, but that had been one of those times when the cheerfulness of being with friends end up loosening the tongue more than it should while slowing the brain. The week had been peaceful, they had been talking about amenities and before she knew it, Lauren had commented about it. As for Alison, she had genuinely worried about Lauren's feelings, who had needed to assure her that it was alright and she was over it.

"Well, if your Master is the reason why you got so good with games," She said, changing the subject back to the card game and Allen's skill. "I guess it's _something_ to thank him for."

"I knew you were good, but _damn_." Allen smiled to Alison's comment and lifted his head with undisguised pride.

"Whatever happens, I _never_ lose in cards."

Picking the cards and ready for another game, Elana shook her head while watching the white-haired boy, as if seeing him under a whole new light. That was a particular side of him one wouldn't expect to exist when looking at him.

"You're evil, boy…" And she wondered _exactly_ how those years he had spent with Cross had been to make Allen turn into such a different person when a game of cards was involved.

**XxX**

That fight against the akuma remained with Klaud Nine all her way back to the Order, resisting any distraction even when she stopped by the hospital wing. She felt the gauzes in her shoulder and Lau had also received a necessary care. As she walked towards a known room, her mind insisted on replaying the scenes, in the same way the tongue returns to a wound inside the mouth unconsciously.

There was no doubt the girl with Walker was a Noah. The akuma had no reason to lie about it and it had looked quite anxious to take both of them to the Earl as well…

Though, by their reactions, it was not a shared felling.

" _Well, what a surprise…"_ She thought with irony. For what she had gathered after returning to the Order after the attack that had resulted in Alma Karma waking up and Allen Walker being placed under arrest, the Earl had provoked Walker with the offer of stopping the attack if he joined the Clan. And a few weeks afterwards, the boy had escaped.

" _So Walker remains free for now. Yet, he is traveling with a Noah. What is going on?"_ She thought about the Noahs that the Order knew of, trying to remember if there had been reports of a female like that… The idea was easily pushed aside, Klaud was sure it was not the case. The ones the Order was aware of were the Earl himself, of course, that child Road, the shapeshifter Lulubell who had fought her unit, Tyki Mikk, those strange Twins, a Noah with a sword who barely talked… Lenalee had fought him recently, his name was Toraido apparently… The Noah of Wrath had been killed by Yuu Kanda… And there had been two other Noahs too, one who could control people's bodies and another who had mental abilities.

Speaking of which, the girl's abilities (the akuma had called her what again? Ra-something) were clearly shadow-related. Klaud suddenly almost lifted her hand to her eyes again.

She didn't care if she never felt the touch of those things ever again.

Her fingers had crossed the shadows, but had been able to feel them and no matter how much she had tried, she hadn't been able to open her eyes. If they hadn't faded soon, Klaud would probably have activated her Innocence again.

And that wasn't even the main factor, that was reserved to how the Noah had fought at Walker's side.

And that they had joined _her_ to fight an akuma.

It wasn't as if Klaud rejected help or considered herself above such, she just had no way of denying how strange it felt to know she would have thanked someone she hadn't thought she would see again anytime soon (let alone by chance) and someone who was a member of _the Noah Clan._

It was like seeing a lamb suddenly hunting a wolf.

" _What have you been doing lately, Allen Walker?"_ The woman wondered as she caressed Lau sitting in her shoulder, his tail passing by the back of her neck to rest on the other shoulder. " _What are you_ planning _?"_

Had it all been by chance? The Noahs were cunning, she couldn't dismiss the hypothesis that it had all been prepared beforehand as part of some scheme.

The woman pushed the thoughts away when entering a large room, stopping near a known table. Sitting there were the other Generals who weren't in mission, the chiefs of departments and supervisors among others.

And, of course, Levelier.

"Hello, Klaud Nine. Welcome back." Tiedoll greeted her. The woman replied with a nod, taking a breath before starting her report of her last mission.

* * *

**Ana: So, finally, Allen and Raz told everything to the others.  
**

**Allen: I... I was a bit surprised by their reactions...**

**Ana: Well, they have been out of the Order for a long time, this influences things. Not to mention that they did spend weeks with you guys.**

**Elana: It may take a while for us to get used to everything, but we'll get there in time...**

**Kanda: I'm just surprised people are bothering to read this.**

**Ana: You're upset because you haven't appeared yet (don't worry, it will be quite soon). And someone already asked about the pairings, thanks to Lenalee and Road fighting.**

**Road: Hey, you said that this isn't an Allen/OC, meaning he is mine. I even already kissed him! And I started liking him right at the beginning, so I have the dibs.**

**Lenalee: As if! You can ask him if he liked this "kiss" that you FORCED on him, you know!**

**Allen: Uh... No offense, but... It is a bit disturbing to be the subject of this conversation, could you not make me an activate participant of it?**

**Ana: I just said it wasn't Allen/Oc, never said one of _you_ would be the one to be with him...**

**Road: What did you say?**

**Ana: Nothing, nothing!**

**Allen: What am I around here? A piece of meat to be disputed?**

**Ana: Nah, of course not, but it is fun to watch!**

**Allen: You're a demon. You know that, right?**

**Ana: I've been called worse. PEOPLE! Poll time! In the manga, who do you think it is the Heart?**


	16. Act Sixteen – The Storm Inside

_"The wounds that never heal can only be mourned alone"_ – James Frey.

Johnny Gill had never thought he would find himself in the present situation.

At first, things had gone according to the plan. The Central had accepted his justification to leave and the only ones to realize the lie had been Reever and some other members of the Science Department. While the chief hadn't wanted to accept his departure, it wasn't really in his power.

It was Johnny's decision. And no one else's.

And they knew the real reason behind this: He was going to search for Allen.

Unable to _not_ comprehend Johnny's choice, Reever could just wish him good luck, asking him to find Allen. Johnny knew that the man probably felt the same, a wish of actually _do_ something more than just keep playing by the Order's rules, something which would yield _results_.

Something that felt more meaningful.

Then things had started to go awry. When Johnny had been leaving the train, two Agents from the Central had surrounded him and started to explain how it was necessary for him to take a medicine to mess his memory enough so the Noah wouldn't use him for info. In retrospect, he should have expected something of this nature…

Johnny had tried to escape, only to be captured at once. It had been then that he had realized they were Special Agents, the Crows.

_"Which means they_ are _keeping a close eye on us."_

To his shock, however, when he had thought there was no way out and he would be taken back to the Order for punishment… He had been helped by someone most people in the Order believed they wouldn't see ever again.

Yuu Kanda.

After dealing with the Crows, the samurai had taken his time to explain (in his short-sentences style) that he had gone back to the Order only to retrieve Mugen and the Innocence, that in his absence had assumed a kind of strange rusty look, had then evolved to Crystal type.

Afterwards, he had left once more.

His reasons were actually the same as Johnny's: To find Allen.

When he asked more about it, Johnny hadn't quite believed he would get an answer (for several reasons and not just due to Kanda's personality), but surprisingly, Kanda had at least mumbled about the attack to the Order and how he had been the one that had attacked Walker back then.

If the Earl's words were true, it had been the violent contact with his Innocence that had stirred the Noah genes in Allen. Kanda didn't quite explain it, but he had had a glimpse of that before during a mission (not that he had ever told anything about it to anyone). Now this wouldn't allow him to die in peace.

And should Walker be dominated by Neah, Kanda would be the one to kill him.

The fact that Allen had said that should he ever feel like he was being taken over he would kill himself hadn't been forgotten by Johnny. And it filled Johnny with dread in the nights after another fruitless search.

" _No way. Allen is strong. I'm sure he would never let the Noah win. He has to be alright, he has to."_

But up until now, after weeks, they hadn't found a single clue to his whereabouts and the only sort of "help" they had were the boy's debts that Johnny had managed to get back in the Headquarters, along with the other belongings that had been left behind. In any case, General Cross _had_ acted as if he knew more than he let on, so there was the chance Allen would pass by the places the debts had come from. Maybe Cross could have left a clue somewhere? Allen would probably be trying to find a way to fight the Fourteenth…

" _It's as if those debts were the General's trail."_

He knew better than to expect they would find Allen easily and while on a side, Johnny thought this could ( _should)_ mean that Allen was still free, not only from the Order but the Noah as well, on another hand he and Kanda had no idea of how to find him.

And there was also the detail that those debts were actually Cross Marian's, which meant the establishments they had passed by were what was usually called "red district" (areas dedicated to bars and brothels). This hadn't done much for Kanda's notorious mood since they had been offered _everything_ but what they truly wanted.

In one of the bars, Kanda had even been mistaken for a _girl_ by a man who had gone to the point of making a _pass_ at him in a rather relentless way, to put it mildly. Or at least he tried to, since the samurai hadn't allowed the phrase to be completed, shutting him up with a punch. Johnny had been wise enough to not mention the incident and was sure he wouldn't ever of tell this incident to anyone.

Now, they had reached and were currently exploring a port city, a place that was clearly invested into being a touristic point due to the flux of foreigners and travelers. It was on their way to another city from where some of Cross' bills had come from and they didn't plan to stay more than necessary.

Seeing the (usual) lack of patience from Kanda and the fact he didn't seem to be feeling well, Johnny didn't say anything directly. He wasn't that well himself. To go through places Cross attended meant they usually had to drink at least something so the bartender would be in a good mood enough to talk to them and let them ask other customers. It also meant badly slept nights.

"Try to drink this, perhaps you'll feel better!" He suggested, offering a little bottle to his traveler companion. Upon leaving the Order, he had taken several things with him, not only his own belongings (the ones he considered the necessary ones) or Allen's (which, like the notes of debts, had been stolen from the archives' section).

Seeing the label with the words " _Komurin Vitamin",_ Kanda slapped it away with a stare of deep disgust, letting it fall and roll away. His personal take was that _anything_ that came from that damned Department, especially with the name "Komurin" involved, didn't deserve the smallest piece of trust, no matter what it was.

" _But an_ actual _medicine for this headache would be welcome."_ The young man reflected as he stood from the bench they had been sitting as they discussed what to do next and muttering that perhaps they should search through this town a little more today before leaving, but Johnny was already running after the bottle, making Kanda roll his eyes.

_"It would be better if it just fell in the damn sewer."_ Or maybe not, in case the bottle opened somehow. Kanda would bet that it would have a negative effect of sorts even in a sewer water. Considering everything he had seen from the Science Department, that wouldn't surprise him at all.

Reaching the vitamin, Johnny sighed. He couldn't deny that Kanda had reasons for this distrust besides the personal ones (even _he_ hadn't forgotten all the messes made by the Supervisor Komui), even so Johnny didn't want to get rid of the things given by the Science Department, who had wished him luck and trusted he would find Allen and help him as he could.

Johnny still wondered _how_ he could help him, soon telling himself that the "how" didn't matter. _Not leaving Allen_ was what mattered.

"Hey, c'mon, let's go." Kanda called with a growl. Johnny was about to follow him when he noticed a crowd nearby and noises, laughter and a music which sounded like coming from a flute.

Curiosity for a moment winning against urgency, the young man came closer to see what the commotion was all about, muttering apologies as he opened his way between people gathered, forming a half circle in the street…

The Johnny saw.

It was two pierrots.

" _Well, it's not surprising."_ He thought as one of them balanced perfectly on a ball, then proceeding to juggle smaller, colorful ones. " _A city like this must be a profitable place for street performers."_

Meanwhile, the other pierrot jumped around in flowing acrobatics that looked almost as a dance of water. Their faces were of a pure white scarred by black.

The first pierrot held the balls before jumping to the ground with a tumble in the air, both bowing to the audience, receiving applauses. Pushing away the larger ball and putting the smaller ones away in a small bag, the first pierrot (a boy, Johnny saw now), went back to the center as the second (a girl) picked up a small flute.

They were dressed in a similar fashion, white suits with black details and shoes. The boy's costume was more traditional and clown-like, seeming to gain a silver reflection under the sun, boasting black collar and buttons. The girl was dressed in a strange attire, unlike any pierrot costume Johnny had ever seen, a cross of a blouse and long tailed jacket, without collar or buttons and not loose like the boy's…

As he watched, the girl started to pull long notes from the flute as she started a slow dance, following the melancholic music and accompanied by her partner. They moved like black and white panthers.

Suddenly, the boy started a song in a low tone, almost fragile.

_Ima mo sora de kagayaku_ – Even now, the memories of dead stars  
_Shinda hoshi no kioku_ – Are still shining in the sky  
_Itsuka ore mo dare ka no_ – Someday I want to become  
_Hikari ni naritai_ – Someone's light too

With this, he approached a young redheaded girl with a graceful twirl that might have belonged in a ballet, making a white flower appear apparently out of nowhere, which he offered her before leaning away. The young girl held the gift, not once taking her eyes off the presentation, something Johnny understood well. It was the enchantment of performers, holding gazes and never letting go. A gentler version of the Medusa's stare.

The boy danced and gestured to the music, as if they were one being. The make-up hid his face so much that the only signal that his mouth moved was the black smile. Johnny barely could make out his features.

Like a forgotten ghost taking shape.

None of them was quite exceptional at music, but they were pleasant to hear and there was a strange quality to the song itself that played in his heartstrings. The young girl continued to play that requiem that echoed among forgotten graves, born of tears from the dead as the boy's voice brought the sound of flowers blooming in an abyss, unable to reach the light.

Yet, no one walked away.

The boy turned, the girl gave a light jump behind, one dancing around the other.

_Nagai tabi wo tsuzuketekita_ – I have been on such a long journey  
_Kodoku na kage hikizuri_ – Dragging along a lonely shadow

Johnny frowned. Though possessed by the presentation as he was, a corner of his mind tried to agitate itself, to break free from the spell. Somehow… Somehow there was something here that he wasn't sure about, but that created a sensation akin of sweet sorrow...

There was something here that he was sure he _knew._

The dance went on, slow in movements and small jumps that didn't break the sensation that both moved _with_ and _inside_ the song. Though it was bright day, Johnny felt as if it was night now…

This was like a lullaby…

In the girl's ankle there was a small silver chain whose bells tinkled at each step. Her hair was a long dark waterfall and the white of her suit and the few black details gave emphasis to a bluish reflection.

The boy, who also had a black hair, crossed his hands over his chest before stretching them away from his body.

_Tatta hitori umareochite_ – I was born alone in this world  
_Mata hitori de shindeku_ – And I'll die alone as well  
_Sore ga sadame –_ If this is my fate  
_Na no ni_ – Then why  
_Namida ga neru no wa Naze_? – Am I shedding tears?

He placed his hands over his face, without touching it and ran them down as if to indicate tears and for a moment, it seemed the black painted tear under his cheek would roll.

There was a brief silence when he crossed his hands over his chest again and lowered his head as the girl let a final note to shiver in the air as the music died. Some people muttered among themselves while others sighed, as if there was no other way to express what they had felt now.

In silence, the pierrot boy stood in the middle of the space made by the audience as his colleague put away the flute, making it seem the presentation wasn't over… Then his eyes, for a moment, touched Johnny's.

The jump backwards was so fast that it shocked some people, who giggled afterwards as the boy started to do acrobatics before he held the girl's hand, making her join him. Johnny's sensation remained, stronger now even as they moved as if they had no bones.

Something pulled his shirt's collar.

"Hey, you have seen enough." Kanda grumbled, trying to pull him away from the presentation and making Johnny wonder vaguely for how long the samurai had been at his side without Johnny realizing it.

"Kanda, wait…" He muttered, struggling to get free. People around either didn't see it or, more likely, didn't care. The other rolled his eyes, thinking Johnny just wanted to watch more.

It was nonsense and a waste of time.

So much that Kanda felt that, if he stayed for longer, he would lose control. His mood wasn't good as it was and those pierrots were starting to annoy him.

Actually, one more than the other… Kanda frequently met people with whom he didn't sympathize and one of the effects of it was a growing irritation that made him feel like slicing the idiot in question just so he wouldn't have to put up with their presence.

And the male pierrot caused invited this in such way that Kanda almost wondered why… It was just a stupid pierrot. He didn't like the girl either, but his attention was more in the boy. And as much as this happened from time to time, it didn't use to come just by _seeing_ the person for the first time… And neither with such intensity.

Perhaps he was missing a fight to release the stress.

Apparently unaware to his irritation, the boy continued to jump, crossing the air in a somersault with the girl. Kanda wanted to follow his own words and leave but the more he looked, the harder it was to turn away and not due to any enjoyment of the presentation…

He just wanted to cut that damn brat.

Maybe it was due to his head still aching because of the drinking of last night? No, it couldn't be just that…

" _I really should find a better way of tracking down that stupid Moyashi"_ He thought to himself. To keep going to bars and all that would end up giving him brain damage. Maybe that was why Cross, General or not, was such an _idiot._

_"Ugh, but I want to slice that guy… Even if it is just a little bit…"_ This had nothing to do with hangover. The most reasonable was that his mood had reached such a level that it needed an escape valve and, in the absence of akumas, his instinct had focused in any little target that caused disturbance, no matter how little, just like a repetitive noise or the sensation of sandpaper against nerves.

Oh, the motives didn't matter, he just wanted to slice that stupid pierrot!

"Kanda?" Johnny asked carefully, recognizing that expression in the samurai's eyes. Usually it wasn't a good omen. As if waking of a trance, the young man mumbled with what could be either impatience or anger and, with an almost violent movement, he turned his back to the presentation.

Johnny started to follow him.

Screams behind them attracted their attention.

Turning, they had time to see black circles forming in the ground as straps of flesh adorned with rows of teeth rose, closing over the pierrots and a child who was too close and hadn't backed away in time.

The thing lifted itself in the air, a mass whose skin seemed loose from the muscles, closing the straps that formed its mouth one against the other. People screamed before the vision of a lunatic's nightmare taking physical shape.

Kanda already had Mugen ready, Johnny retreated aware he wouldn't be able to help and hating himself for it…

Then the straps shivered, rubbing against each other in obscene movements and they saw it seemed to be bloating from inside out… Threads of something black escaped between them before they opened by force.

For a moment, among a dark mist, something stained by the red of the akuma's oil moved, creating the illusion of living blood. A silver mask reflected the sun and the oil dripped, revealing a soft material of the most striking white. A black wig fell somewhere in the ground.

A red scar crossed the white cover, an eye turned into red.

There was no mistake.

Allen Walker.

"ALLEN!" Johnny cried out in happiness, forgetting the akuma destroyed, just relieved that his friend was indeed alive and free, that they had _finally_ found him. No wonder something had seemed familiar here that he couldn't realize at once: He knew Allen's voice, but never had heard him singing.

He ignored the smell of akuma's oil and the pieces that hit the ground before dissolving, his relief at seeing his friend again all that mattered.

Allen held the child in his arms. The white cape of Crown Clown involved them and the other girl as they landed, Allen letting go of the boy as a woman cried in horror and gratitude at the same time, rushing to who could be either her little brother or son. The black-haired girl remained at Allen's side.

Approaching quickly, Johnny still could hear Allen speaking as he cleaned the child's tears.

"We've showed such a scary show now…" He muttered quietly, looking from the child to the woman who was still thanking them, too caught up her own feelings to mind the ghost-like cape and the silver mask that had appeared out of nowhere. "We're so sorry… Please, be careful on your way home…"

Before Allen could stand, his mind already on how they had to leave again, he felt arms wrapping his neck in a hug of despair as Johnny started babbling and shivering.

"Allen! Allen! I've searched for you… Everywhere!" The member of the Science Department went on, holding him close. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! We were all so worried… Me and Lenalee… And everyone else, too, we were…"

Allen avoided the other's eyes, casting a glance of warning to Raz, realizing that… He didn't want to hear those things, he _didn't want to!_ Fighting to control his nerves, to not tremble, he took Johnny's arms off him and stood, not saying a word.

For an instance, Johnny didn't know what to say… That wasn't the reaction he had expected or hoped for. Had… Had he said something wrong just now?

Then Allen took off, the girl right at his side.

Raz didn't need to ask anything, she had been quite confused by the man with glasses hugging Allen out of nowhere, but as soon as the words started to come from him, she had guessed the situation and a wave of coldness had took over her entire being.

_He was a member of the Black Order._

Allen groaned when he felt his collar being pulled against his throat and a pain slicing his back when Kanda took him down, mumbling something about " _understanding the real reason why he had been so pissed off"_ while he took a piece of cloth from Johnny and started to rub it against Allen's face roughly.

_"_ What the _hell_ have you put in your face, Moyashi _?"_ He wanted to take off that stupid makeup, try to make sure he was still the stupid brat before doing anything else. The fact he was still able to use Innocence and how his eyes were still grey should be a dead giveaway of the answer, but Kanda wanted to confirm it as much as possible.

A thin and cold touch at his throat.

He didn't have to look, he knew the sensation of a blade.

Razor-sharp and of a shiny black, it almost resembled hematite stone though Kanda knew at once it was not. Threads of black mist came from it, breaths of ice when slithering against his skin before fading in the air, some shaping spirals and others moving like snakes.

The girl who had been performing with the Moyashi stood at his side, eyes cold, hand firm in the sword's handle. Kanda noticed how there were more threads of mist there, escaping between her fingers.

"Release him."

"And who the hell…?" He started as Johnny approached, raising his hands as if to try calming everyone down.

"E-Excuse me, miss…"

"I said. _Release. Him."_ She repeated, not blinking, voice the whisper of a nightmare. Johnny flinched.

"Hold on a bit!" Allen said to her as he pulled the cloth away, looking at Kanda with irritation, face red, but mostly clean of the makeup. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, couldn't even start to understand what was going on, but anything he could have said seemed to hide at the end of his throat leaving only a question. "What are you trying to do, peel my skin off _Bakanda?"_

Exasperated with the samurai's behavior as he was, Allen couldn't help the good feeling that came upon seeing him once more, knowing he was alive… It didn't chase away the weight inside, that held his insides like a spider.

No matter what, even if it were Kanda and Johnny, he wouldn't let them take him back!

His stomach gave a jolt, one that Allen tried to ignore.

"I wanted to be sure you hadn't been possessed by the Fourteenth, _Moyashi!"_ Kanda growled, ignoring the blade pressing his flesh. The girl's identity didn't even make into his current list of priorities. Johnny tried to approach her again, perhaps trying to convince her that they meant no harm, but was pierced by a look of despise that was almost hatred. It was enough to make him consider silence a safer option for now.

"Now tell me. That Crow." Kanda continued. Before anything, this was a point that had to be settled. "How did Howard Link die?"

Heart going off rhythm and feeling his brain stopped working for a moment, Allen ceased his struggles.

What?

"I've heard a little of what happened from Lenalee and the others." Kanda carried on as if the events of the last time they had seen each other didn't matter. For a moment, it seemd he would have leaned towards Allen in natural intimidation if it wasn't for Raz's sword. "This is the only thing that I don't get. Who killed him? You or the Noahs?"

Howard Link?

_Dead?_

It was impossible. He had been alive when Allen had left, he was sure of it! Link had even helped him and Timcampy to get free of those spells and…

Raz kept her eyes on the man of dark hair (Kanda, if she had understood it well, Allen had spoken of him), without paying much attention to what he said and not caring either. Knowing that they were from the Order (though for what Allen had told her, he had thought the samurai to be dead or free from it all) was enough. During fights with akumas she couldn't truly attack since she didn't want to destroy the souls.

It was quite different now.

"Link… Is dead?" Allen muttered quietly. He couldn't believe this, even if his subconscious had formed an immediate idea of who had truly done it. His mind had no time to touch it in a conscious way as black pools appeared on the floor as voices echoed around.

_"I feel the Fourteenth!"_

_"The two Noah"_

_"Feel… Feel…"_

Kanda jumped, pulling Johnny along to get him away at the same time the blade left his flesh as the girl turned to what was happening. Allen struggled and got on his feet, jumping to attack the new akumas.

As he twirled in the air, hitting with his sword, Allen was still more focused in what he had just heard. Raz at once casted chains of shadows against the akumas, trying to hold them down so they wouldn't be able to avoid the attacks while trying to avoid their blows.

"HOW DID HE DIE? WHAT _HAPPENED?"_ Allen's scream carried anger and agitation, making a smile appear in Johnny's face. It was the confirmation of what he had always known and never doubted: That it hadn't been Allen, that Allen would _never_ do such a thing!

"I knew it hadn't been you! I _KNEW IT!"_ He yelled as he ran in the boy's direction, seeing the akumas being exterminated and raising his voice higher than the blades, metal and cries of akumas. "ALLEN! It was right after you left! Inspector Levelier and the guards found his body!"

_Apocryphos_.

Allen knew it had to be him. Tyki and Road had no reason to kill Link and both had been with him all along. They wouldn't have returned there just to kill a Crow.

A wave of hate, unlike anything he had ever felt, burned him.

Allen landed at Raz's side. Immediately, more portals appeared, one after the other as small lakes full of waves and perfectly round.

Both looked at each other and nodded. Not saying anything else, Allen held Raz and threw strands of his cape against one of the tallest roofs while she casted straps of oily darkness in the same manner.

" _MOYASHI!"_ Kanda yelled furious to see what they were doing.

"TIM!" Allen called. "Lead us to the most isolated place you can!" There was no use in staying here, more akumas would keep showing up and in a street full of people, it would be harder to keep bystanders from getting hurt.

He still heard Kanda yelling curses and Johnny calling to him… Unable to hold himself, he turned his face back and looked at them just once. Two people he had thought he wouldn't see again, that they wouldn't ever call him like before…

Yet, that was what they had just had. Treated as they always had… Unaware that this just twisted the knife all the more.

Because it wasn't like before. And it _wouldn't_ be ever again, he knew it that now.

Biting his lower lip, trying to keep control, he ran with Raz across the roofs, a part of him almost hoping the pain could be left behind if he was fast enough.

Kanda saw the portals closing and the akumas retreating. He didn't even need to think about it, they were clearly going after that stupid idiot. Behind him, Johnny tried to grab Allen's things, hurrying to follow them.

" _We barely found him and the Moyashi is already giving trouble!"_

Running, avoiding the chimneys, jumping between spaces that weren't too further from each other, Allen and Raz tried to get away, to run until they managed to reach an area without so many people. For the last couple of days, the akumas seemed to _know_ somehow where they were and their appearances had become more frequent. The Exiled had noticed this as well and, in their refuse to part ways again, had agreed to take extra care and combined strategic points to meet in town, in case of problems.

Maybe they should regroup and leave once more. No use staying any longer in this new town if the akumas already knew their location, let alone Kanda and Johnny... A wave of sickness came to him, one that he knew had less to do with the exercise or his emotional state. He tried to ignore it, there was too much happening now.

Suddenly, a foreign sensation was felt in their skulls. Like a line, it made its way through the brain to reach the mind.

" _You both should have realized it already,_ brats." A voice echoed through it. It did not hurt, but it was strange. " _The meaning of those akumas coming after you more frequently than before, hmm?"_

Raz looked at Allen, running nonstop on a long roof of a building that could be a large store. The information in those words was cast aside in favor of that line… This sensation…

"Did you too…?"

"It's that Noah!" Allen growled, a wave of dread washing over him. The Noahs were close as well. Things were getting worse. And the last time he had met that guy hadn't been pleasant. "With the turban, headaches and who enjoys screwing with others' minds!" He had told her about him when speaking of what had happened in the Order. Somehow, the Noah must have known what Allen had said as they heard a sort of exasperated sigh.

" _The name is_ Wisely."

_"Oh, so sorry!"_ Allen thought with sarcasm, aware that the Noah could hear him. " _It's just that, last time we saw each other, we were all so_ distracted _that we didn't have time for decent presentations!"_

A vibration of a low chuckle came, from another point of his mind that wasn't quite the same "direction" as Wisely's presence was felt and Allen saw Raz had amusement in her eyes. Then he understood. Wisely, somehow, had also connected _their_ minds, perhaps to make the communication all the easier than talking to each of them separately.

" _That's fine, after all, soon we will have enough time to sit down and talk_ all we want. _"_ The reply seized the lungs of both of them, who felt the threat intertwined in the purposely honeyed tone.

" _Anyway, I just thought you should know. Akumas feel the aura of Noah coming from you, Walker."_ The voice echoed in their minds once more and both could feel a smile from Wisely. " _You can't keep yourself hidden either, Raz. Don't you know it? You can insist in keeping a human appearance all the time, but this will never_ make _you one of them…"_ He added as if sharing a secret.

Allen hoped Wisely couldn't see his mind at his leisure, couldn't see how nervous he suddenly felt. They had all talked about this and concluded the akumas might be able to do so, as they would often mutter about "feeling them" as an insane mantra… But Allen would never have guessed that he had an _aura of a Noah._ He didn't want this, he was not a Noah, he still could activate his Innocence without problems!

He was not a Noah. He was still himself. He was _not_ the Fourteenth!

" _Three months ago, there was a faint hint of the Fourteenth waking, when you came in contact with Apocryphos."_ The Noah of Wisdom carried on, his "voice" lowered to a whisper, words dragging in their brains like larvae. " _Well, all this just shows that it has begun_ once more."

Allen wanted to ignore Wisely, to find a way to block his voice, but it was impossible to ignore one that could speak inside your mind. Not sure of how much access this connection gave to him, he fought to not think about the waves of nausea he had been having lately… Sometimes, it felt like his organs were boiling inside him, even if it used to pass with a little concentration… Raz would always sit at his side during such times, holding his hand and speaking to him, trying to keep Allen aware of who he was, not risking him falling under Neah's influence, with the Exiled trying whatever they could to help him feel better.

For a moment, even though he tried to not think about anything, fearing Wisely would see the memory, Allen remembered Mother telling him to not lose himself… And how having a Noah and Innocence in him could end up destroying his body.

Maybe Wisely hadn't felt this or, maybe focused as he was in the line of communication, didn't pay attention to it. He just continued.

" _It was like this with the Fourteenth from thirty-five years ago as well. You should remember this, Raz..."_ Any amusement of before was gone, as if it had never existed and there was coldness when the Noah explained further. " _And you_ both _should know it by now. A Noah_ can never _escape from_ another _Noah."_

Raz had no recollection whatsoever of what Wisely was talking about, but it stirred a painful feeling in her all the same. Maybe something in her did remember what her mind did not. And they both knew Wisely wasn't lying.

None of them had answers to what he had just said.

" _The horror of not having where to run to, not a single place in the world to hide or escape to will enter each pore of your being soon..."_ He spoke almost absently, as if thinking to himself. Allen wondered briefly if those words were meant for him or Neah as he and Raz jumped to a lower roof, running and taking impulse to jump once more, following Timcampy.

Wisely sighed, knowing they were trying to ignore him and not just out of care to not fall down. He sounded, for a second, almost bothered that they being so resistant.

" _The Earl told you, Walker. You can't stay in the Order anymore and you didn't listen."_ His voice was almost kind. _"Tyki also told you how there is no place for any of you but with us and you_ both _ignored it…"_

Allen bit the flesh in his mouth, not wanting to think about Johnny or Kanda or the last time he had seen Lenalee and how he had felt when hearing the Order announcing to the whole place how he was no longer an Exorcist, being classified as a Noah from then on.

He didn't want to think about it!

" _For now, we'll leave you alone to lure Apocryphos out. Perhaps he will feel you too, Raz and get curious, so it's all for the better."_

Raz didn't resist the impulse that came. Someone talking in her mind wasn't exactly pleasant for starters and that man's words, even if she tried to not care, disturbed her more than she would be comfortable in admitting.

" _So basically, you will be using us as live bait? Wow, don't we feel special!"_

It was Allen's turn to snicker. He couldn't help but to wonder if Alison wasn't rubbing off on Raz a little.

Wisely chuckled to this.

" _Oh, don't worry. We would_ never _let something bad happen to our dear, stubborn and lost_ little siblings." He replied slowly before going back the usual tone that didn't allow refusal or resistance. " _Run, then. Run and try to hide, if you want. Eventually… You both will understand what I'm talking about. And in the end, you'll cut your Innocence off yourself, Walker…"_

Raz and Allen felt their bones shivering to the false gentleness in that voice, it sounded like what a snake should when trying to seduce a bird and what Wisely spoke were not conjectures, but promises and facts.

" _The both of you are_ ours."

There was no response, no strength to deny it, not with that voice as much as they wanted to. Allen still tried to focus his mind in some image that could work as a barrier (a wall or the sea) in that precise physical point where he felt Wisely's connection, to push, to send him away…

His footing failed him.

"Allen!" Raz jumped to his side when he fell. His body twisted, shaken by inner waves shocking against each other. His groaned, unable to move, attacked by waves of pain whose origin he couldn't tell.

And his skin started to darken to a light hue of grey.

In another street, a man of dark hair stood, a thin white line of smoke coming from his cigarette as he looked at the direction the two pierrots had disappeared after going to the roofs.

No matter.

Sitting at the base of a statue there was a younger-looking man who sighed theatrically, leaning an elbow in his knee and his face on his hand as he smiled.

"They are so stubborn, don't you think so?"

Tyki nodded, a smile of his own tearing his face as he held the cigarette between two fingers, looking to the direction they had rushed off as if still able to see them.

"If they prefer to do it this way, very well…" He said, then speaking almost to himself. "Let them do their best"

" _Show me an interesting white and black in this game_."

**XxX**

The world faded in waves and came back to a pale existence. He could count his bones for there was a hell inside each one, with no end. His body felt about to turn inside out, he expected to see his veins and muscles twisting around.

Hiding under a tunnel, just like a dirty secret, Allen held himself. Raz was at his side, holding him as if afraid he was going to be blow away as a leave in autumn. To him, her voice came from afar away and then was close again, trying to stop him from drowning.

"Come on Allen. You can do it." She held his hand, face now almost clean of the makeup she had rubbed off, only lines of white near her hair and the jaw. "Fight it. Allen, look at me. Look at me, okay? Stay calm, breathe… I'm right here."

Above them, Timcampy bit his owner's hair, pulling at the white strands. What he meant with this, Allen didn't know and moved his hand to make the golem stop but the gesture lost its strength in the middle of the way.

Settling in a corner, Allen panted and huddled. The shock between heat and coldness, poison and cure was concentrated in a point of his abdomen, he realized.

_"It's okay, it's alright, it's alright."_ Part of his mind that still held some lucidity chanted, as if this could keep his hold on reality. His skin paled, then went back to the grey, a darker hue this time. " _Relax, it will be okay, it will be okay."_

Raz, _Raz_ was there, he felt her holding him and tried to use this as physical anchor to hold on to. But it was as if she was fading. Or he was? He couldn't tell anymore where reality was. Allen reached his left hand to her, as if meaning to touch her face, but the vision of his own Innocence made him stop.

"Allen?" Raz asked, seeing a gleam that had nothing to do with what was going on and emphasized his feverish looks. His grey eyes had a golden reflex when he moved. And something in her seemed to rejoice _against_ her will, as if her genes felt his change and celebrated the awakening of a new family member.

" _God, please, no."_ To know she felt this just as much as she felt the despair of seeing a friend suffering with a disease made her disgusted at herself.

Suddenly, body struggling, Allen screamed.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'M FIIIIINNNNEEEE!"

Raz held his shoulders to stop him from hurting himself. He struggled more.

"Allen! Please, calm down! Fight it, keep control!"

She didn't know what to do. This was close to a seizure, far more violent than the ones from the last days and Allen wasn't giving any indication that he heard her at all, eyes focused in a point ahead and becoming blurred.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine" He went on in a chant, perhaps forgetting where he was and with whom. "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine." He grabbed his left wrist. Innocence worked against Noah, opposite energies could not be in the same space… So, perhaps if he activated his arm, he could keep Neah away? Perhaps he could activate his Sword and use it on himself, of course, it made sense, he would stab himself to stop the change, sure, he could do it, he…

His mind fell in itself and his body fell aside. A pressure in his shoulder told him the figure ahead was Raz, but her voice couldn't reach him anymore. There was another voice and another face, if it truly existed in the world or just in his eyes, there was no difference…

Oh, he knew, he knew…

"Neah… Neah…" Was there someone calling him or just talking to him?

He wanted to raise his hand, to show the person he was hearing…

" _No, NO! Not me! I'm not Neah, I'm not, I'm not…"_

A tall male, with long hair in a ponytail was looking down, at him… Allen no longer knew more than that, words losing the meaning and knowledge retreating to a deeper corner of his mind where nothing would ever fetch them back.

The man looked at him, tears escaping his eyes as blood from a wound. Such a sorrowful gaze that, among his own agony, Allen felt sorry for him and wanted to do something for this person of such sad eyes, to comfort him.

" _I know those eyes… I… Me? Neah? What…?"_

"Neah…" The man muttered, but Allen's mind didn't process the word. There seemed to be something important about this man, but he didn't know what, besides those sad, sad eyes…

Kneeling at his side, the man stretched his hand out as if to touch his face. Another sound now, but it was too far away to fully hold his attention. He could just look at the man and his tears.

"Don't you hate me?"

The man's hand floated over his face as if afraid of touching and hurting him… Allen didn't know what he was actually saying and didn't remember how to make those sounds of communication, but would have liked to comfort him… Slowly, he felt like falling again even if he was no longer moving. The sensation of sleep pulling him away…

An impact on his face pulled him back to the reality. Raz was in front of him, nails digging his shoulder.

"ALLEN! WAKE UP!" She screamed. For almost two minutes, Allen had been with a glassy look and she hadn't known what was worse: His monotone mantra or that silence. For an instant, she had feared he had been falling into a state of catatonia.

A noise called her attention.

Kanda was near, sword piercing the ground where an akuma's portal had been about to open. Timcampy flew ahead, hitting heads with another golem.

"What do you think you're doing, you bastard?" He groaned as he stood, looking at Allen while the portal faded.

Raz stared at the samurai, not moving away from Allen. At once, shadows in the tunnel slithered around her and the boy, shivering violently in a warning while a black dagger came to her hand.

"Allen! Are you alright?" Johnny screamed as he ran forwards, stopping when the girl growled like an animal until Allen, still fighting for breath, held her shoulder.

"Raz… It's alright…" He struggled to say, realizing she had no intention whatsoever of letting Kanda or Johnny near them. She threw him a look of curious disagreement, but seemed less prone to attack though she kept watching the two men with a cold, clear warning: If any of them displayed the slightest signal of hostility, she _would_ kill them on the spot.

"Hey." Kanda called to Allen, ignoring Raz completely, his focus on how the Moyashi clearly wasn't well. The boy waved his hand, hitting his. Among the pale grey skin, his eyes seemed to oscillate back to the natural color.

"Kanda… I _really_ don't understand you…" He breathed heavily. Questions and doubts were secondary to seeing him with that black coat. "I'm _happy_ that you're alive… To see you again… But what about Alma? Weren't you both finally free?!"

The samurai frowned. Figures, it was typical of the Moyashi to talk of such things _now_. Not waiting for an answer, Allen carried on, voice raising in a deep scream with intonations that Kanda had no patience to identify separately.

"Still… Why are you with the Order's clothes? WHY ARE YOU CASTING YOUR FREEDOM AWAY LIKE _THAT_?!"

His body was pulled forwards when Kanda grabbed his costume's collar, his dark eyes now burning in a way Allen had only seen back in the Order when Road had been teasing him about how Alma was still alive. As for Kanda, it didn't matter at all that the Moyashi was in such state, _anything_ related to Alma was _his._

"Don't you _dare_. Even if it is _you…"_ He whispered in a metallic tone that allowed no protests or interruptions. "I swore that I would take it to my grave." There was a second of silence. Under normal circumstances, Kanda might have not said the following words, but they formed themselves as if having a life of their own. "You… You gave it to us. The proof that we _are_ free."

His voice lowered, not losing the intensity.

"Those last moments with Alma are mine and _mine alone."_ He groaned. "So stop being the idiot of always! I _am_ free. And so is Alma."

Raz didn't understand at all what they were talking about, however the man with glasses let out a suffocated sound and Allen's eyes soon were filled with tears.

"Oi, you…" Kanda blinked, shocked by the sudden change and looked from Allen to Johnny, letting out a yell of exasperation. "And now you're crying _too?"_

With everything that was going on, the samurai hadn't expected those reactions, he had just meant to make certain things clear to the Moyashi, not to make him start bawling. He looked at the girl, but at least she hadn't joined the crying party. Except for the coldness of her eyes, all of her was bereft of any sort of emotion.

Suddenly, Allen's body lost the firmness, the clothing slipping between the samurai's fingers and he fell, a gray doll with no bones. Raz kneeled down at once, turning him over and allowing herself to feel some relief at seeing he was passed out rather than going into seizures again. As she placed her hand on his forehead, subtly checking for signs of upcoming stigmata as well as his temperature, a source of light under the clothing came to their attention.

"That wound. It's of when I hurt him!" Kanda muttered to himself, surprised with the light, leaning closer before suddenly standing straight once again, looking at some area behind them.

"Is he hurting? Let me see!" Johnny was kneeling down at Allen's other side as the girl opened the black buttons of the costume. There. In the exact spot Kanda had once stabbed him, there were long and white membranes rising from the flesh, shining as pieces of the moon.

"Those things…" Johnny started, barely believing what he was seeing.

"Innocence." Raz completed in a whisper, surprised. Allen had had a similar reaction before in his arm, but unlike that night of months ago, those feathers obviously caused him no distress. As such, she concluded they weren't Apocryphos'. Maybe Allen's own Innocence?

But why where he had been stabbed? That wound had closed, he had told her so.

" _It_ is _something related to the change into Noah, but…"_

"Back in the Headquarters in North America…" Johnny reflected, examining Allen as he could seeing that he had fainted. Raz saw that the feathers, like when they had appeared on his arm, moved delicately against each other as living flowers. The more she watched, the more she was sure they were Crown Clown. "When Allen didn't die, even after being stabbed like that… Kanda, it wasn't because the Fourteenth's genes were keeping his body alive…"

And actually, it hadn't been the first time something of this nature happened, right? It wasn't the first time Allen escaped death despite the odds pointing to a completely different ending.

"Do you remember? Even before, when Tyki Mikk destroyed his arm and tried to kill him? His Innocence still stayed around, it protected him until he was healed… The Innocence was keeping him alive." Johnny muttered to himself as if he had forgotten the presence of the girl and Kanda, his brain working fast. But that spot… Perhaps because it had become a focal point of the change? They all had seen back then, the grey taking over his skin being born from that wound.

His mind went back to Allen being thrown in a dungeon, isolated and prohibited of having visitors.

"When Allen was arrested, none of us could see him, not even once…" And by whose orders? Of the responsible for the arrest, of course. And who had been involved? Inspector Levelier.

" _I don't think he was aware of this… Or was he?"_ But considering how Levelier had been investigating Allen, it would have been atypical if he hadn't examined him, even if just once, after the attack. And perhaps even personally or maybe by a Crow with medical knowledge, otherwise the doctors of the headquarters might have eventually talked about it. It wasn't something that you could keep in secret for long. " _But it was, somehow, but why? If people knew that even if the Fourteenth was waking, the Innocence still tried to keep Allen safe…"_

Then perhaps not everyone would have accepted the idea of Allen turning to the Noahs' side quite so easily. Perhaps he wouldn't have even been classified as a Noah, or maybe in such event, others would have disagreed. But all those conjectures were the eternal "what if" and "maybe" that haunt human lives and, in the end, were useless.

"But we… We _definitely_ would have done something…" The man said to himself, unable of stopping the thoughts of how everything could have been different if the others had had access to this information. Even if it was just a "maybe", it still…

"But you _didn't."_ The girl said with a cold tranquility, calling his attention. She was staring at him impassively. Suddenly, Johnny found himself wanting to step away, to get some distance between the two of them. "It's no use thinking about what you _would have_ done or not, the _fact_ is that you _didn't do anything."_

She tilted her head to the side. There was no smile, but a faint and cruel amusement laced her voice when she whispered, almost ghostly-like somehow.

"Or would you _have done_ something just for knowing the Innocence was still at his side? If it wasn't so, would you have left him to Neah?" Which was, basically, what they _had done already_ in the end. Johnny's lower lip trembled as he leaned forward, agitated by his own words.

"No! No, we…"

"Oh?" She asked, still displaying that eerie serenity. Johnny felt a shiver going down his spine that had nothing to do with the conversation, if it could be called that. "Then _why?"_

He felt words getting caught in his throat, unable to reply when Kanda poked his head, cutting the eye contact between him and the girl.

"Hey! Be what it is, _let's get going!"_ He groaned, looking from one to another. "Let's go somewhere he can sleep. If you want to carry on your debate, do it there!"

Raz hesitated. Telling them where they were staying wasn't something she wanted to do, however it would be easier to call the others and tell everything there, while also keeping an eye in those two in case they tried to call more people from the Order.

"There is the hotel we're staying in." She stood, trying to place Allen's arm over her shoulder as Johnny did the same with the other. She didn't say anything else and both men evaluated her for some moments with the corner of their eyes, similar impressions going through them. That girl was _weird_ … The way she seemed to dominate shadows… It didn't look like an Innocence-related ability.

"And where is it?" Johnny started to question, soon being interrupted by the sight of black circles in the floor, like bubbles forming in rotting flesh. It was possible to see eyes blinking in a few, or members coming out of others, like arms with many protuberances that didn't look like any natural hand or paw.

Kanda didn't look at all impressed or worried.

"Tch. They will keep following the Moyashi, then?" His comment had just a slight irritation for the bothersome fact and stood in front, holding Mugen.

He felt a presence at his side.

Only his eyes turned to the girl. She was shorter than him, perhaps more or less the Moyashi's height and her eyes were on the akumas appearing.

"I can only keep them away or hold them back." Her tone was unreadable, but quiet. "You destroy them."

He didn't like at all to be spoken to in such a manner and it wasn't as if he was going to do anything else anyway, however this was a curious formation for the phrase.

"And why is that?" He asked harshly. The girl took a breath and her eyes slithered to him.

"Because this is something I cannot do. I can't save souls."

Then he and Johnny had a suspicion.

**XxX**

It was curious how an environment could develop a personality. Rooms could indicate if the resident lived alone or with a family, if they had dinner together or not. A bedroom could denounce what the owner liked, if he or she was organized or not…

And small traits remained, as if trails from the occupant had been permeated in air and floor. Even if the layout of a room was identical to hundreds of others, people still had ways of marking them "theirs". Rooms in boarding schools were an example, the apartments in buildings too.

The room where Klaud Nine stood was a sterile and lonely space.

All belongings of Allen Walker had been taken away and the room now could have been one dedicated to guests, ready to receive a new occupant, meanwhile forced back to a place stripped of face or life. Only four walls, a bed and a table…

" _But that was Allen Walker's room."_ He had spent hours here, slept here, dreamt and reflected here. It was curious to know this and being unable to sense a thing about him here, as if his existence had been a dream.

For an instant, Klaud wondered how it had looked like when it had been Walker's. She had never been close enough to him to know of his personal likings.

" _And now he is traveling with a Noah."_ And as if that wasn't enough, the same Noah had helped to destroy an akuma. Everything about this scenario went against all that she had learned and lived in the last years since joining the Black Order.

" _Allen Walker hasn't been dominated by the Fourteenth yet…"_ The woman reflected with herself. " _Actually, he keeps using his Innocence, he is still an Accommodator."_ She closed her eyes as if in an attempt to feel something from Walker that remained here, some hidden trait that might offer a hint that helped her understand not the situation but the boy himself.

" _Allen Walker… What is that you're doing?"_

"What are you doing there?" A voice cut her thoughts. Klaud turned.

At the door, there was a figure against the light from outside. Alistair Krory. His golden eyes and the white hair tossed back indicated his Innocence was still activated, causing the change to a more serious side of his personality. It was curious to observe the face, usually gentle and kind of shy to boast such a harsh expression.

"Nothing." She replied calmly. She hadn't thought that anyone would enter the room, since some people avoided it as if the place had been cursed by Walker, a behavior that Klaud judged absolutely silly and wondered if some weren't doing this more out of some drama than real belief.

Krory, however, with his sharp instincts, must have felt her deception, be it for her heartbeat or natural scent. The thought could cause discomfort or nervousness in others, but Klaud merely sustained his stare.

"Why did you think I would be doing anything?" And she turned to him, placing a strand of hair behind her ear in a simple gesture. "It is just an empty room."

"It is the room of Allen Walker." The man didn't even blink, voice sliding through his fangs. Klaud took notice of the verbal time applied.

"It _is_ or it _was?"_ She asked in mere curiosity, studying his face in search of reactions and getting nothing.

"Is or was, it matters not." Krory carried on, his eyes on hers and showing nothing to her question, which could be interpreted in a number of ways. Instead, he replied with an inquiry of his own "If you aren't doing anything, then why would you enter an empty room?"

The question was laced with curiosity, which might be just in case.

"Merely thinking." An inexpressive reply was the safest route and it wouldn't be a lie as well. Krory didn't move, a tiger keeping the passage and preventing the prey from escaping, but someone passing by wouldn't be able to tell which one was the predator.

"May I know why you would come to this specific room just to _think?_ You must admit it sounds strange." Krory didn't seem about to let the subject drop. Klaud wondered vaguely if he suspected something or was just protecting what he considered Allen's particular place. Both probabilities seemed possible.

"And the behavior of everyone else has been much more reasonable?" Klaud risked, in a way that sounded almost joking just in case. Krory's eyes became harsher and something gleamed deep inside. Was it because he agreed or disagreed?

"Where do you want to go with this?" The man asked, wishing to end that brief dance of words. He didn't trust the woman ahead at all and really didn't like to see someone just entering Allen's room, no matter how it wasn't "his room" anymore and hadn't been for more than three months. And it probably would never be again.

Klaud studied him for some seconds more, evaluating what to say or not. The tiniest mistake could have negative results and she had never been the impulsive type. The safest thing to do was to wait and watch.

Kanda had returned, surprising everyone, some weeks ago and had immediately left again for a mission after synchronizing again with his Innocence that, according to the rumors, had evolved to Crystal type. It was the second Innocence to do so and until now, no one knew what took to make the evolution.

The blonde had no issues considering the possibility that he had not left for a mission as she had heard he had claimed, but rather to search for Allen Walker when taking into consideration certain details. As for Kanda's purposes, there were options, but the woman couldn't truly say which one felt most likely to her. He had left weeks ago and as far as she knew, no one had heard from him ever since.

Krory still had his stare on her, waiting. Klaud shrugged, a gesture that coming from her was elegant.

"As I said, I was merely reflecting." She approached the door. For a moment, Krory's eyes seemed able to pierce all they touched, but the man stepped away to allow her to pass.

Klaud pulled the memories of her meeting with Walker again to the front of her mind, studying them carefully and revising details, comparing to what she knew.

She hadn't told anyone.

No one knew about Walker, the Noah, nothing. Nothing about how they had helped her.

To Klaud, what had happened sustained her idea regarding certain later events. The story they had been told about Walker, from him "killing Link" to "leaving with the Noahs", boasted essential holes that only increased the sensation she had been assaulted by months ago: That there was something strange going on with the Order when it came down to Walker.

Internally, the general had deposited her trust in Allen Walker at least until a certain point for now. Enough for her to hope that, whatever he was doing, he would succeed.

She knew that, in questions of positions, she _could_ tell Lenalee about the event. The girl had been quite clear regarding her trust on Walker, but while this was admirable, Klaud knew that with information such as this, Lenalee wouldn't hesitate in telling others under the hopes that it would perhaps convince them that Allen was not a traitor.

And the actual effects could be more harmful than beneficial, even if they omitted that the boy was with a Noah. And despite feeling that others, such as some members of the Science Department, Miranda Lotto and Alistair Krory also trusted Walker, the General needed _certainty_ and not base herself on "impressions".

" _If you still trust Allen Walker, Alistair Krory"_ The woman said mentally. " _Then, you are right in doing so. You have reasons for this."_

Still, she wasn't sure there was someone to who she could truly confide what she had seen.

Wait and watch, for now, wait and watch.

**XxX**

The sky was painted with threads of red and gold casted against the blue that darkened, as lines of reflections and colors on a lake that covered the world.

A man watched through the window of a fine hotel, a cigar in his mouth, hands resting inside his pockets. His companion was seated cross-legged in the middle of a bed.

"Nothing yet." He commented, not at all worried. "But it shouldn't be long now."

"I don't doubt it…" Tyki replied, shaking his head and 'tsking'. "He will be too tempted to resist. And the idea that we may be about to take the boy with us…" There was a great chance Apocryphos _would_ realize what they were doing, the creature was not stupid, but considering his arrogance, the Noah of Pleasure doubted it would make much of a difference for him. Above all, the idea that the Clan could _really_ take Walker home would be like an insect crawling in his mind and he wouldn't bear even the hypothesis of this happening.

Not to mention the temptation of absorbing the boy with the Noahs being so close would flavor the temptation all the more.

" _If you understand enough about some standard behaviors and details about someone's nature, nothing is left to chance."_

_"_ Do you think he realized Raz is with him?" Wisely asked. Tyki shook his head, indicating he had no idea. Both could very well imagine what would be Apocryphos' reaction when he realized Allen had been all this time in the company of a Noah. The very idea made Wisely chuckle to himself.

"Oh, I would _love_ to be close enough to see it." His muttering was accompanied by an expression of delight. And since they were watching out for the creature, neither Allen or Raz would be at any risk. Wisely hadn't been lying when saying they wouldn't allow anything to happen to them. "I imagine he will be so furious."

Better than this, only if Walker decided to go with them out of his own will and right in front of Apocryphos.

Yet, as enjoyable as the idea was, they knew that Walker wouldn't do such a thing.

Well, at least not _for now._

"The Earl would love to see this too." Tyki commented, referring not only to Apocryphos' reaction but also to what he knew Wisely should be thinking. "If only they weren't being so difficult."

One day, he and Sheryl had been back to Liverpool to check on them and had found out they had left. At first the Earl hadn't minded it _that_ much as there were akumas searching for them and _any_ agitation from Neah's genes would work to call upon them, but with the days turning into weeks, his anxiety to be with his family complete had poisoned his patience.

Honestly, it wasn't as if the others didn't share the feeling. To know there was not just one, but _two_ members of the family keeping their distance was like having a wound in their nerve endings.

Wisely turned to Tyki with a sarcastic smile.

"Oh, come on, aren't they just so _adorable_ when they act like this?"

Tyki rolled his eyes.

They had also sensed the Noah's genes inside Allen Walker and, despite the decision of leaving him be to lure Apocryphos, they had considered better to give him a light warning about what was going on and had called upon akumas to where they were (not that it would have been necessary), interrupting their little street show which they had watched for a while from afar.

To Wisely, Raz looked almost the same, even her outfit (only the strand in the collar was black now). It had been so long… He had been killed a short time after her "disappearance", which had felt so much like death… As if the very essence of Noah in her had been destroyed beyond possibility of passing to someone else…

But they hadn't wept the possible loss of a fellow Noah alone. They had wept the loss of _her_ , of a friend, a sister, a member of the family. The same way Road and the others had wept the loss of Skin Bolic.

For what Tyki had saw and comparing to the one time their paths had actively crossed (not counting when he had been spying on her and the boy), she looked stronger, attacking akumas while combining her shadows with the Walker's Innocence in a way they didn't harm each other.

_Infuriating_ , sure, but… Not bad, he admitted.

"Absolutely." He deadpanned, blowing smoke from his cigarette. "But I don't think the Earl would agree." Not that he had any certainty of how the patriarch would react upon knowing Raz was now even helping Allen _to destroy akumas_ and to top it all, clearly in a way that didn't harm the souls.

No doubt the boy had told her all about it.

"Or maybe he won't be that surprised…" Wisely suggested in an innocent tone. Tyki knew he was teasing him as he did with the others at times. The Noah of Pleasure knew it wouldn't be any good asking Wisely about when the girl had been part of the family, as it was of no help to ask him about the events of thirty-five years ago.

Wisely claimed he would rather have them _seeking_ those answers by themselves rather than just handing them over, though Tyki was sure the Noah of Wisdom just took some delight in ignoring and changing the subject or giving evasive answers when any of the others tried asking about those matters.

Wisely said nothing, but when talking to her today, he had felt her mind just a little bit, carefully. The memories were still there, but too deep in her mind and too shattered, to the point that applying too much pressure would be like holding glass shards too tightly. At least some of them had felt to be approaching the surface of her brain.

Once, a little after seeing Raz training, Sheryl _had_ asked Wisely about her. The Noah of Wisdom had merely shrugged and commented that once the girl was with them again, he could meet her personally, so there was no reason to hurry.

Sheryl hadn't liked that. Tyki wouldn't hazard a guess at what his brother _truly_ thought of the girl, not yet. It was clear he hated Walker (more due to Road's feelings for him than for the boy being the host of the Fourteenth or how he had messed up the Clan's plans before, _this_ he was willing to bet), but regarding Raz it was harder to tell. There were moments it seemed that Sheryl didn't like the girl either (since she had refused to return in favor of traveling with Walker and _protected an Innocence_ ) while other times, he seemed anxious to have her with them and perhaps not only due to the natural instinct.

" _I just hope he won't try to adopt her as well…"_ Though if he did so, it might be more for the same reason he had adopted Wisely: To make things easier for him, since he was still a minor in human society. At least Sheryl wasn't going as overboard with his "son" as he did with Road.

And Tyki wasn't sure himself of how he felt about the Noah with no memories.

Knowing there was no use in asking Wisely anything, he watched the street hidden in the night, letting his own thoughts wander through the possibilities and their plan to get Apocryphos, which was the most important now.

He thought of when he saw Raz and Allen training and today, seeing them from afar, dancing among humans. He almost chuckled, Road would have, at the least, insisted in watching their performance from up close and talked about how both looked cute (if she didn't end up trying to hug Allen again once it was over).

He wondered what would have been her reaction upon seeing Raz too.

" _Well, one thing at time. Let's continue this particular dance of ours for a while more, then, shall we?"_

* * *

**Ana: YES! _Finally!_ Now the plot thickens! I mentioned this before, but I'll again: I planned this whole thing during the D. Gray Man hiatus after Allen meets the Earl on that street. Meaning, after this point, things will _greatly_ diverge from the manga. By the way, the song of this episode is "** **_Sei to Shi no Sukima"_ , meaning " _The Crevice Between Life and Death"_ and also from the Black Butler's musical. Seriously, it is a beautiful song.  
**

**Kanda: And has anything here followed the original story for starters?**

**Ana: You shouldn't be in such a bad mood, you finally made your appearance. Second, I followed some details. Not major things, but some.**

**Lavi: What about me?**

**Ana: You and Road will have to wait a little more. C'mon, I'm getting there, have some patience...**

**Tyki: I must say, Wisely's insistence in keeping his mouth shut is getting on my nerves.**

**Wisely: I'm the Noah of Wisdom. The nature of wisdom is in seeking answers by yourself, otherwise, you won't truly learn and understand.**

**Tyki: Oh, please, you just like to annoy people.**

**Wisely: Perhaaaps~**

**Ana: It isn't as if the Earl or Road ever told anyone anything in the manga either, so you guys can't blame me for that one. If they had, Bookman wouldn't be now being tortured.**

**Earl ( _wiping a tear_ ): It is just hard to talk about this matter. Such a painful memory to me! And even now with Raz refusing to come home and Walker suppressing Neah... It is too much for us to bear!  
**

**Ana ( _sarcastically_ ): And the Oscar goes to the Earl.**

**Kanda: Why are we afraid of him again?**

**Wisely: Raz, Allen, you made him cry!!!**

**Raz: What? What did we do? I haven't even met him!**

**Allen: Oh, I'm sorry if I want to be myself and not be taken over by Neah.**

**Neah ( _taking over Allen):_ He has been sarcastic later, don't mind him. **

**Ana: Why every After Chapter session turns into a mess?**


	17. Act Seventeen – Puppets on Strings and Dogs on Leashes

_"These walls are kind of funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, gets you so depended on them. That's institutionalized. They send you here for life, that's exactly what they take. The part that counts, anyway." –_ Stephen King's The Shawshank Redemption.

The afternoon had given place to the evening and the moonlight invaded the room through the window, falling over the boy lying in the bed under it like a veil of silver on his white hair.

Without much choice, Raz had taken Kanda and Johnny to the inn they were sharing with the others, knowing she should be calling Alison in the small shop she had found a job, or maybe trying to get in contact with Elana and Lauren, but she didn't feel like leaving Allen alone when he was in that state.

He had told her about those guys and even if he hadn't, it was obvious they knew each other by the way they had talked, however this meant nothing for her. All she knew was that they were members of the Order and _that_ was enough.

Yet, they posed a small threat in comparison to the fight Allen should be having now.

On her knees at the side of his bed, Raz was relieved to confirm his breathing was steady and calm again, his temperature lowering to a more normal state. To her surprise, the man with glasses was at the other side of the bed too and, like her, whispering words of comfort to Allen, aware that he should be resisting the Noah genes.

The reaction she had felt deep in herself back in the tunnel regarding his change had ceased and Raz silently prayed to God with all her heart that it was a positive signal. Well, his skin remained grey, but of a lighter shade than hers and there were no stigmata in formation. The change had come to a halt.

"Trying to wake him up?" The other man with long dark hair asked, arms crossed as he stood near the door. Raz offered no reply, wary of his movements, a worm of loathing deep inside her which she tried to ignore.

"Yeah…" Glasses Man replied, eyes still on Allen. "We could even try reading Cross' debts to him, but… This isn't a normal sleep." Raz thought there could have been some amusement in this in another occasion, considering the effect that speaking of his Master's debts usually had in Allen. It could even have had results, but the man was right. This wasn't even an actual _sleep._

"And, after all, who the heck are _you_?" The Black-Haired asked, his dark eyes on the girl who just looked back at him before her attention returned to Allen.

"Raz." She said simply. Her demeanor had displayed no alteration since they had left the tunnel and Johnny couldn't say he wasn't somewhat disturbed by it even if he had met stoic people before.

"Sorry, with all this we didn't even introduce ourselves. I'm Johnny Gil, and he is Kanda." Johnny's mouth seemed to have forgotten how to smile when he tried. "Are you friends with…"

Kanda didn't give him chances to continue, going straight to a point he considered far more important than introductions.

"You are a _Noah,_ aren't you?"

Johnny made a conscious effort to keep his face neutral. He hadn't ignored the possibility, even if his mind naturally sought others, _any_ that didn't invited memories of pain with it. The girl landed her blue-grey eyes on Kanda, her features frozen in dissonant serenity, not giving anything away. Johnny couldn't tell if it was this or what she was that made him prefer to avert his gaze and keep looking at Allen.

But he heard the reply.

"Yes, I am."

Holding Allen's hand tighter, Johnny managed to eschew any great reaction as his heart jumped and an instinctual fear froze his blood. He tried to reason that this Noah had been at Allen's side, she seemed to be helping, but the faces of others of the Clan and their words interfered. A part of him wanted nothing more than to grab Allen and get away from her.

Kanda remained there, arms crossed, staring at her and reacting no more than she did except for his frown deepening.

"And what are _you_ doing with the Moyashi?"

Raz knew they would question her, as she had known she wouldn't have been able to hide forever what she truly was. Perhaps, with the danger the Noahs represented, those two would think twice before trying to harm Allen, should this be what they had in mind… Even with what Allen had told of Kanda…

She was also quite aware this man had killed a Noah. This seemed to bother her as much as the sight of his black robes and the pulsation she could feel from his Innocence. It reached deep in her, as a sandpaper against a raw organ. She tried to ignore it. It hardly what mattered at the moment.

But that didn't mean she would accept being _interrogated_.

She might have liked to believe at least in _Kanda_ , based on what Allen had told her, but the fact remained that the man hadn't given _her_ any reason to deserve trust. So, she would rather be cautious.

"I could ask the same. What are you doing here?" By the way she kept her attention in Allen and her tone, it was clear the answer didn't matter much to her at the moment (perhaps because she didn't know if they would tell the truth). "I'm traveling with him."

"And why is that?" Kanda insisted, studying the girl. That made no sense at all. The Noahs _wanted_ the Moyashi to be consumed by the Fourteenth, then why was that thing acting as if she wished for the opposite? Not only that, she _had_ also tried to keep the akumas from attacking or escaping. It was like a story about mirror dimensions.

And a part of Kanda wanted to activate Mugen.

Raz rolled her eyes, but even this gesture was hard to tell if was born of exasperation, annoyance, weariness or nothing at all.

"Because he is my friend."

**XxX**

The street down the stairs hidden between the inn and another building was apparently empty, but Kanda knew better, able to sense the presence of someone who he hadn't thought he would see again. And wouldn't have cared that much if he didn't as well.

"So?" He called, looking straight to a dark corner. "For how long will you keep lurking around, Levelier's dog?"

Learning he had been noticed and there was no way of pretending he wasn't there or walk away when it came down to someone such as Kanda, a figure dressed in a long coat and light hair stepped closer to a scrap of moonlight, leaving the mantle of darkness where he had been hiding.

Howard Link.

Kanda held Mugen's handle firmly, not liking at all how the man had been spying on them since he and Johnny had met the Moyashi and wondered for how long Link had been around. And _why_.

Some moments ago, Kanda had decided to leave the Moyashi under the care of Johnny and the Noah girl. He didn't trust her at all, in fact a part of him would have considered attacking her right there if it wasn't for the situation. Once the Moyashi woke up, Kanda might call him on his stupidity depending of what explanations he had to offer, but on another side, he couldn't deny that she didn't seem pleased that he might turn into the Fourteenth and should have been at the white-haired brat's side for a while for him to act as if he knew her well. And she had backed off at his request.

With this in mind, Kanda had decided that confronting the presence he had felt earlier took precedence.

For now, there was nothing to be done for the Moyashi. That fight was his alone.

Kanda stared at Link coldly. If that pet dog from Levelier showed signs of intending to go back to his master telling everything or attacking the Moyashi, Kanda would be glad with the excuse to kill him.

Not that he needed one.

"Why so quiet? Has you master forbidden you from talking?" The inquiry was laced with poison under the usual harshness rather than mockery as he debated with himself whether or not to get rid of Link.

It wasn't the case. Link merely didn't have much to say and was evaluating his options. After finding himself healed, Levelier had ordered him to find Walker and stay around until the Fourteenth appeared. As it was, Link had just come across the boy by a stroke of luck and hadn't expected to cross paths with Kanda. It didn't make things easier for him: Regarding the samurai, every caution was still little, whether you were his ally or his enemy.

"I thought I wouldn't ever see you again…" He confessed, sincerely. "I'm surprised you have come back to us like this." He completed with a smile, trying to see how Kanda would take that. It wasn't as if they had ever been close friends (let alone _friends_ ) and he recalled all that had happened during the Noahs' attack to the Order.

With a cold smile that was made of scorn, Kanda stared at him.

"You do seem healthy."

"I didn't expect you to worry about me." Link nodded, being interrupted by the other.

"I didn't and I don't." He clarified, his smile one that made Mugen unnecessary for slicing. "What I mean is that I wonder why would you pretend to be dead?"

Of course that would be the first question of anyone meeting him. Link didn't need much time in order to choose his words, he had been ready for it.

"I ran away. An Inspector that allows the one he should be watching to escape so easily and right under the Order's nose, is considered trash. I am a Crow." He tilted his head up, studying Kanda without showing signs of wanting a fight and sure that the Exorcist wouldn't attack at a mere whim regardless of his threats, since both had far more urgent matters at hand. He gave him a sympathetic smile "I'm sure you can imagine what happens to someone who failed his duty?"

Kanda didn't believe a single word that came from the man, but decided to let him talk to his heart's desire, attentive to each phrase construction, the intonation and the terms used as someone who would exam complex data. His silence seemed to coax Link into explaining more.

"I don't want my life to end just like that, either... And for the Central, isn't it better to announce me dead, for the sake of keeping a functional appearance?" He sighed as if upset by it, the dagger hidden behind him in case Kanda had an unwelcome reaction. "I'm just like Walker, now… A runaway."

" _How much time did you waste creating this little speech?"_ Kanda wondered, almost amused despite his anger. This all sounded far too perfect and convenient to his taste and if Link thought he could persuade him by placing himself in the same level as the Moyashi, to weave a similarity between them, he was either crazy or stupid.

"I don't buy this crap." He came down some steps, deciding it was enough. "Men from the Central like you? Better yet, men like _you_? They can give up anything and _everything_. Be it your heart, your body, life and even your very soul." A glimpse under the moon. Mugen's blade pressed Link's face, against the skin wrapping flesh and blood. The blonde was well trained in eschewing reactions and remained still.

"Especially you, someone is so _sick_ in your devotion to Levelier."

Those were tricks Kanda knew too much to allow them to work. It was a basic psychological attempt at manipulation: Confessing something, lowering himself due a failure and displaying regret, then trying to establish a common ground to bond, all just so the person listening would be moved by pity and a feeling of being alike and, therefore, believe they could trust each other.

He had heard things like that before and from people who were far better and subtler than Link. And one thing the blonde should know about him was that Kanda _hated_ to be manipulated.

"If your mission here is to kill the Moyashi, I'll dismember you right now" He growled in a metallic tone that warned he was not saying it figuratively, nor giving empty threats. " _I_ am the one who is going to kill him."

In the case the brat lost the battle to the Fourteenth, the Noah genes turning out to be too powerful, that was what Kanda would do. And for a fairly simple reason: Because that was what the Moyashi would have liked someone to do for him, if he was unable to do it himself.

And Kanda still had his honor.

Link didn't shiver when the blade pressed his face in a fine line.

"If… If he can win against the fate determined for a "host", then I would like to see this. I _want_ to." His voice was so low it could have been imagined. Although Link remained looking at Kanda, his mind was filled by memories of the Thirds who had been lost. "If people can, just with their hearts, actually change and decide their own futures against all odds… This is something I would like to learn."

Kanda scoffed at this, his eyes never leaving the other's face. Really, did Link think he would be convinced with _that_?

"Pretty words. Nothing more." He turned his back at him. He could have said more, but it wouldn't have made a difference, it would be just a waste of time in the end. Even if Link was being sincere, this was not something a person like him _could_ learn. "Appear near us once more and your head will be rolling on the ground before you realize you're dead."

It would be his only warning.

**XxX**

Raz knew she _had_ to call Alison and the others. Soon they would be back and they had to know about those men, so they could decide if they wanted to return or to find another place to stay for the moment. It wouldn't be right to not warn them.

On another hand, she still didn't want to leave Allen, be it alone or with that man. The samurai one had left a few seconds ago, she didn't know why, but just hoped he wasn't getting in contact with the Order. The man with glasses, Johnny, had told her this couldn't be the case, but Raz had not dismissed the possibility.

She looked at Timcampy resting on Allen's chest. He turned to her, touching her hand with the fluffy tuff on the end of his tail, which had been waving at instances. Raz had never been able to fully understand what kind of "thought" that flying little ball was able to have, but judged that the gesture meant that things would be okay.

"There is something I need to do." She said quietly, attracting the gaze of Johnny as she stood. "Timcampy, if something happens, warn me." The golem made a nodding movement with his whole body to show he had understood.

She would be quick, coming back as fast as she could.

"Uh…" Johnny tried when she stood, looking at her unsure of how to speak or even what to say and receiving a stare that had nothing but ice on it.

"You… You hate us, right?" He couldn't stop being bothered by this. It was ridiculous, of course, she was a _Noah,_ they _despised_ any human being and especially those connected to the Black Order, but… Somehow, it was a little different. He didn't know if it was because he wasn't seeing her fighting or because he had seen her protecting Allen and holding his hand or if it was because she wasn't showing the black stigmas and grey skin of the Noah.

Not that it made him feel any safer. He was still scared, still wanted to avoid provoking her as he would do with a wild animal.

Raz remained in silence for some seconds, her back to him.

"I hate the Order."

Johnny could feel it. It rolled from her, never ending, never stopping, a thin ice holding back a storm.

His mouth was dry.

"Even if I was not a Noah I still would. I do not quite _hate_ you or that other in a personal way." She added in an aside manner, looking back to him. Johnny understood this didn't mean much, only that for now they held just her distrust. While she might not hate them ( _yet_ , maybe), she _certainly_ didn't like them either.

"Why?" The word escaped his mouth before he could reflect if there was any sense in even _asking_ such a thing. That she hated the Order, well, as he had just thought, it was expected and even natural.

Wasn't it?

The girl kept her silence, studying him and Johnny thought he wouldn't get any answer (she seemed to speak only when necessary, at least with him and Kanda) when she started in a tone that was calm, but distant and lacking any sort of emotion, invoking a shiver deep in his entrails.

"When I woke up, all I knew was my own name. I didn't know who I was or even _what_ I was. I still don't know much about myself." She knew she was a Noah, but it often didn't feel enough and what she _did_ know were fragments too lost to make sense. Her gaze went to Allen… Someone passing by would think he was asleep, unaware that there was actually a battle going on inside him.

It wasn't _fair._

Johnny felt a punch in his brain. If what she had just said was true, then somehow that girl hadn't known anything when Allen met her? A Noah who didn't know who she was, some people at the Order could have considered this ironically amusing.

He didn't.

"Allen could have left me, could have killed me, could have handed me over to the Order." In her state of back then, she would have been unable to do anything and presenting the Central a captured Noah would have helped Allen a lot. She turned back to Johnny and neither her vocal chords nor features betrayed the inner self. "Not knowing anything, not remembering anything, not even knowing the world around me… I was a _burden._ And yet, he never left me… On the contrary, he took care of me, taught me and helped me. Even if I am a Noah and he is chosen by Innocence."

No surprise to be found there. It was easy to imagine Allen walking with that Noah on the streets, teaching her how things worked, not unlike one would with a small child, even telling her about the war and the Clan as risky as it was.

Perhaps it was partially due to this being so natural to Allen that many in the Order had easily believed him to be a traitor, not knowing him _enough_ to see how impossible _that_ was.

Johnny didn't quite think it was just that, it had nothing to do with anything, it was something bigger than that war, the steady scenario and the roles that they had been assigned to.

"That's why I hate the Order." The girl finished before she walked towards the door, hair falling over her back. "You _knew_ him, you were his _family…_ And you _abandoned_ him."

He followed her with his eyes and found that he couldn't answer this. Even if they didn't want it to be so, it was true. No mattering the circumstances and details, that was what they had done in the end. Yes, Levelier had forbidden anyone from seeing Allen, but neither of them had insisted or tried anyway.

"I saw Allen's tears."

The whisper was so low, almost from a dream or a nightmare. Johnny felt he was sinking in himself, in his regret. He recalled all the times Allen had smiled, all the times he had said " _It's fine_ " and wondered, not for the first time, how many of those times had been untruthful.

The girl turned her head to him.

"To me, he is a brother."

It was hard to doubt so after seeing her placing a sword in Kanda's throat and demanding that he stayed away. It sounded like insanity, a Noah saying this regarding an Innocence Accommodator. He would have liked to tell her Allen felt the same… But those would have been words without a real meaning since he had just met her and had no idea of what had truly happened in those three, almost four months. He squeezed Allen's hand, hoping he could somehow feel his presence and that he would wake up soon.

Raz, on her turn, wasn't saying this just to hear pretty words from the man, she just wanted to make something here quite clear.

"Noah, Exorcist, Innocence, it matters not. If someone tries to do anything against him… I will personally drag them, body and soul, straight to _Hell."_

**XxX**

When he opened his eyes, he saw only the unknown ceiling and a moon-bathed room, needing a moment to orient himself, to feel the bones and connections once again. There was a warm weight in his chest that he knew and his hands felt warm as well, one of them still being held…

The person who had been with him, a man with glasses, hugged him and blabbed about how he was awake now and well, offering some sandwiches, but he had just asked for water. His throat felt sore, almost as if the flesh inside would crack.

He had felt a pain in his abdomen, soon seeing the white feathers twisting over the flesh and coming of it as a nest of snakes.

When the man had distracted himself, going on about painkillers, he had taken his chance to throw his head against the wall, as he would with a useless object. A red line of blood had formed before Johnny Gill fell on the floor.

Unconscious or dead, it made no difference.

The first surprise had been when he had headed to the bathroom adjacent to the room to wash his face and clear his still dizzy mind, then seeing his pale reflection. It had been quite a shock. Well, nothing to be done about this yet.

Since he had some time and needed to gather the state of things, he sat on the bed. The golden golem waved its wings upon seeing him, recognizing his master of years ago, nuzzling his face before giving him all essential information it had recorded about Allen Walker.

Now, sitting there and holding his face in one of his hands, Neah took a deep sigh.

"This _has_ to be a joke…" He grumbled to himself before growling to no one in particular. "CROSS! You cretin, why did you go and _die,_ moron?"

Without him, there were some complications to the whole plan he had. That stupid! He had always known the redheaded would end up killing himself one day or another, but for that to happen _now_! Fine, Allen Walker, along with that man… What was the name again? Oh, Samuel Kallen… Yeah, Cross had spoken of him once or twice, now that he was thinking about it.

Well, they didn't believe Cross was dead. He couldn't fully argue with their arguments, deep down Neah also doubted this was really the case.

Yet, with him having _disappeared…_

And the _ass_ had had the guts to place debts on the name of his host! Damn him, he probably thought it was really funny. When he got his hands on that idiot…

Nor had this been the last of the surprises.

"And now _Raz…"_ Neah muttered, leaning his elbow in one of his knees, hiding his face on his hand with a smile whose emotion one couldn't truly distinguish.

Raziah…

Raziah was here…

He hadn't imagined he would ever see her in such a situation. All things considered, perhaps the loss of memories was not a wonder… Heh, when Allen had found her, she had looked as lost as a little fawn or something. At least Allen had helped her…

Though, under some aspects… She seemed to be still the same.

"A brother, eh?" He whispered, once Timcampy had showed also the last words she had said before leaving the room. There was irony in this, no doubt.

It would take time for her to remember things. If she _ever_ did. He wondered what she would do once it happened… Including the things that she would, years ago, probably have been glad to forget forever.

Someone upstairs had a real sense of irony.

"It's not like I can do anything about that. Speaking of which…" He looked down to Timcampy. "Why did _he_ forget me too?" Not only this, Allen looked younger… Which made no sense. Noahs had different metabolisms than humans and as such, they aged at a slower rate. Allen had been _older_ than a teen when Neah met him… Heck, his name hadn't even been "Allen"!

His body should have aged normally until now since the genes hadn't altered it yet.

What on Earth did this mean?

He looked different too, with that white hair and scar and the…

His eyes stared the left arm, almost as if wanting to peel the skin of.

"Or is it something with _you_?" Neah muttered. "Did you do something, Innocence?" He knew he wouldn't feel any answer. He wasn't the Innocence's master, even if he was now in control of that body.

" _No matter what happens, I'm an Exorcist. I refuse to become someone else!"_ He remembered Allen had said that to Earl and the Noah Clan, at the same occasion they had seen each other clearly for the first time, when the stab from the samurai had strengthened him. Crown Clown was Allen's Innocence and it struggled to keep balance, but Kanda's attack had affected _his_ genes, his own anger and forced them into a reaction. Like a disease forces the immunologic system to act and had rushed things up.

"So that's a farewell, my friend…" He whispered, although Allen couldn't hear him, still asleep inside himself.

He would have to think about his next steps now. Raz… Her presence in itself was not an obstacle in the great scheme of things, no matter if she saw Allen as a brother or not… This is was a particular issue, even thirty-five years ago she had been unaware of his plans.

And, like Allen, she didn't remember him anymore. For a moment, Neah thought about the moments they had spent together and with the other Noahs, like Road. Sitting and talking during a dinner, laughing together or then Raz sitting in the floor, back against the piano as if asleep as he played, another Noah sitting, seated on a couch near the window and later talking about the song… The time the Earl had found her and brought her home…

He also remembered her, stained with blood, shivering, and days she had spent without saying a single word.

"Tim…" He told the golem, aware the samurai or Raz could be back at any moment. Even now, Neah couldn't control Allen's body for long, as it had been due to time and chance that a window of opportunity had finally come at the perfect hour. He had known he was getting stronger before, but to finally be able to seize control even if just for a little while was a welcomed confirmation. "Don't share this conversation of ours with anyone, agreed? From now on, I'll be able to see things through his eyes..."

He stopped for a moment, caressing Timcampy, who leaned in his palm.

"If he wants to find out about me, that's even better. Give them some clues from time to time, to trigger dreams of Allen's past… And this may help Raz too…"

How she would react once she remembered everything?

And the dreams those triggers could give Allen as well… They would help him in the long run, slowly erasing him, until Neah was the new owner of that body. Or perhaps he would remember the promise he had made and allow that to happen.

"This can be my last journey… And I have my promise to Mana, too." He smiled, aware his time was over and smiled at his Golem, at his friend. "Let's go on together, then, Timcampy."

It was the last thing he said, once more recoiling in the corner inside Allen's mind where his conscience remained without the boy feeling his presence.

In the same instance, a blade touched Allen's neck.

"Fourteenth?" Kanda demanded, voice full of rage. At his side, the Noah girl had shadows slithering over her hand and under her feet.

When he had been heading back to the inn, Kanda had found Raz, who had been in the phone talking with someone. The Exorcist had even thought it could be with another Noah, but soon pushed the idea away. It didn't feel like it and he guessed the Clan had better ways of communication.

Both had then headed back to the room and the only thing Kanda had said had been a question as to whether or not the Moyashi could trust her.

Raz limited herself to retort by asking the same.

Kanda then had invaded the room upon hearing mumbling, not hesitating when he took but a second to realize the scene ahead and thrown himself against the man of white hair. Raz hadn't protested, feeling what had happened as well.

Her senses scanned the room for something the eyes couldn't catch.

"It's me! Allen!" The boy tried to say, the blade of Mugen held firm against his neck. Not moving, Kanda yelled.

"HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN _THIS_?"

Then Allen saw… Fallen in a corner, was Johnny. A thick line of red on the wall. Raz was holding him and trying to wake him up… He could see a wound in the corner of his head, flesh exposed and face tainted in blood.

Kanda pulled the girl away, telling her to let him handle it as he bit his wrist, tearing the skin, freeing blood. Raz was close to Allen again, a black dagger firm in her hand as she hoped this was Allen and not the Fourteenth, that Allen hadn't lost the fight…

The horror and self loathing in his eyes were enough answer.

"Ugh… K-Kanda?" Johnny muttered, a throbbing at the side of his head echoing in his brain "Why… My head… Hurts…" Noticing the blood, Johnny was nervous (he had never been one to take well the sight of it), but soon understood what probably had happened. Allen would never attack him, so it should have been…

Allen however recoiled. He also knew what had happened, it wasn't hard to figure it out, there was no other answer, it was there in front of him…

He had hurt Johnny.

_He_ had hurt _Johnny_.

The blood in the wall, in his face, that wound…

He had caused it.

The red attracted his eyes, killing all other colors in the world.

"Allen…" Raz started seriously, aware of what he must be thinking, but the boy didn't hear her.

" _I hurt him, I hurt him, I hurt him…"_ His mind repeated nonstop, as if trying to find some meaning in the words, a context in which the scene made any kind of sense.

"It wasn't Allen…" Johnny said, turning to him, things becoming clear in his mind. "Did I mistake that person for Allen?" Ignoring the pain in his head, he forced his body to comply and stand, but the boy jumped backwards, white waves wrapping his body in fury.

"DON'T _ANY_ OF YOU COME ANY CLOSER!"

"Allen, _stop_ , it's…" Raz started, trying to come to him but the waves of Innocence had an aura of warning that she had never felt before from him, at least not directed at _her_.

"Don't any of you come near me…" Allen growled, not out of rage and avoiding her eyes. There was an expression in his face that Raz had seen before. The white cape seemed made of sharp-edged feathers that would rip apart anyone who didn't heed his warning.

Kanda didn't look at all impressed.

"Oh, so now you're going to run away?" He provoked the other, staring him up and down with a scowl. "Leave those two behind to disappear again? As if in your condition…"

"SHUT UP, BAKANDA!" Allen screamed back, cutting his words in a way that clearly stated the Japanese shouldn't talk about things he didn't understand. When he spoke again, it was in a more controlled tone, though he struggled to not let his voice tremble. "Try to understand this, okay? I'm not running away… I'm just taking the safer path… I can still fight, but…"

His eyes went to Johnny, his muscles still tensed, ready to move.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, Johnny…" All he could think of was how he had hurt him. A wound in the head could be serious, he could have killed him and for Kanda to resort to healing him with his blood, then it had been worrying. It didn't matter that it had been the Fourteenth in a moment of control, his _hands_ still had been the ones to perform the act.

Next time could be worse. What if next time, that Noah truly ended up killing someone? No… No, he couldn't allow this, he _couldn't._ Lately, with his feverish moments, he had thought about this late at night, feeling the cold of fear…

Samuel, Elana, Alison, Lauren, _Raz…_ By staying with them, he was placing them at risk. Friends kept each other safe, what kind of friend was he if he exposed them to this? Neah could slit their throats in their sleep or worse!

Johnny's voice called to him once more.

"You saw what just happened!" Allen insisted, interrupting. He had to leave, he should have known. Raz would explain to the others and they would stay together. They were strong, they could take care of each other. "This will happen again! You know it!"

Raz kept looking at him and Kanda rolled their eyes.

"Allen, for the love of…"

He didn't pay her any attention.

"And I can't, I _won't_ be caught by the Order now, either…"

"You haven't given up, have you, Allen?" The quiet voice of Johnny was no more than a whisper, however it suffocated the other's words. For some reason, he smiled. "You know, your eyes? They look the same of before, eyes of someone who still has hopes! And I'm glad for that..."

His eyes were not exactly the same, but to see they still boasted that quality, that quality of _Allen_ made Johnny feel hope as well. He managed to hold Allen in a way Kanda's provocation had not. Still ignoring the wound, as if forgetting it completely, Johnny stood up.

"Look, back at the Order, I didn't do anything for you…" He admitted, refusing to lower his eyes. It could have been interpreted as an expression of regret, however Johnny would rather admit his mistake looking at his eyes. "I didn't say anything, I didn't do anything… Allen, I'm sorry. Please, _forgive_ me. I'm really sorry for what I did…"

Allen opened his mouth, probably to say he didn't blame him or to try to explain again that he had to leave, but Johnny didn't give him chances.

"But I'll be at your side from now on, understand? Really at your side. I _left_ the Order. Because I don't want to leave _my friend._ " Emphasizing his words, Johnny held his head higher. Allen could think whatever he wanted, believe he had to be alone in that fight against what was inside him, but the truth was completely different. "I want to stay with you until the end. Not as someone from the Science Department, but as Johnny Gil… As your friend."

Allen felt his body shivering. Nothing related to the Noah genes or fear, but rather something old he had thought he had forgotten… Over that time, he had grown to like Alison and the others… And he truly _loved_ Raz. Wisely had called them "little siblings" and while this sounded disturbing coming from _him_ , Allen had realized already that he didn't mind thinking of _her_ as a sister…

But people are irreplaceable. One couldn't occupy the space of another in a heart. Therefore, there was something different in hearing those words coming from someone who _had been_ part of the Order before and from someone whom he had _met there_ , who had been part of his family. To know, personally, that someone from his past still believed him and wanted to be with him…

This just made Allen realize just how much he was missing his home.

Kanda looked away. He recognized some words and gestures were necessary, but that didn't mean he enjoyed this kind of scene. However, the Moyashi was distracted now, caught by surprise by what he had just heard.

"NOW!" He screamed, pouncing over him like a panther. "HOLD HIM DOWN!"

Allen let out a cry of protest, but felt his legs held. Looking down, he saw them wrapped in shadows.

"RAZ, LET ME GO!"

She pretended to not listen.

"Rope! Rope" Johnny mumbled as he started to search in his bag.

"LET ME GO, YOU THREE!"

Minutes of afterwards, filled by struggling, screaming, name-calling and curses (the last two coming from Kanda), Allen was tied up by thick ropes, reinforced by Raz's shadows. Their touch was delicate, but Allen knew how firm they could become if necessary. As much as he trashed around, he couldn't get free and stopped seeing he would only injury his skin.

Kanda, seeming satisfied after checking the knots, stood up.

"Just stay there, we're going to check Gil's head." He told Allen, who growled in reply, making the samurai roll his eyes. "Could you stop being an idiot? Or is this really part of your nature?" He turned to the girl, seated at his side. "Watch him."

Raz couldn't say she liked receiving orders like that, but remained where she was, just giving Kanda a strict look.

"So you are all just going to leave me tied up like this?" Allen protested out loud, starting to struggle again, without success. Johnny tried to say something, to assure they would free him soon, but Kanda was done with trying to reason with the Moyashi. Maybe a time tied up would help the idiot to calm down and for once try to use his head and understand his stubbornness wouldn't take him anywhere. That was already pissing him off.

"You're the one who asked for this, Moyashi, so how about stop complaining and stay there _quiet_?"

"IT'S ALLEN!" He screamed in reply as the samurai closed the door, not dignifying that with an answer. Allen groaned. Even if he activated Crown Clown to get free, apparently Raz wouldn't hesitate to hold him back and the noise would call Kanda back. And he knew the samurai wouldn't mind attacking him until he lost his senses.

Great.

"I can't say they are wrong, Allen…" Raz commented, sitting with one knee up and leaning her arm on it as she studied him. "You _were_ really acting as a self-sacrificing idiot."

"Oh, be quiet…" He grumbled, turning his head away. He could just imagine what the others would say to all of this. Johnny had said that he had left the Order… Allen didn't think he would lie to him (but a small voice in his mind seemed to whisper that it was better to be sure), but if that was the case, why Kanda was wearing the Order's uniform?

He moved a little, with a discomfort that had nothing to do with the ropes. Neah could have killed Johnny. To know he had been able to control his body…

He felt dirty. There was something rotten inside of him…

He felt Raz's shadows moving along the ropes, with a gentleness that was not unlike of a blanket. She seemed about to say something when the room's door slammed open, revealing Alison and Elana, who quickly looked from Raz to Allen, blinking and not understanding at all what they saw. By Elana's breathing and Alison's eyes, it was possible to see they had run back to the inn after Alison had received Raz's call at her work ready for a fight, should it be necessary.

"Uh…" Alison started, unsure of what to say. "Should I ask?"

"No, I don't think so… Please, _don't"_ Allen mumbled in reply, not for the first time wondering why he had so much bad luck.

**XxX**

To explain everything to the others once they had all returned took a little longer than one would have expected. They had heard the explanations without interruptions though, and Allen considered it a good signal that none of them had had greeted Kanda and Johnny with immediate violence.

Johnny had proceeded to tell about how he had run away from the Order and met with Kanda, then being impressed to learn that the group was made of _ex-_ Exorcists (as Alison had emphasized, not at all pleased when he miscalled them for such).

Once the introductions were made, Johnny recognized some by name such as Alison Rouwen and Lauren Ashford, though they didn't seem to remember him (and they didn't, one had spent her time more in other Headquarters and the other rarely talked to the Science Department back then, just with Komui sometimes). Samuel, however, greeted him and Johnny recognized him, surprised to see the man alive since Samuel Kallen had been classified as deceased more than five or six years ago.

Kanda didn't seem to know any of them personally or even by name. Or perhaps it had been just his usual behavior, Allen for one couldn't tell.

"How did you manage to not turn into Fallen Ones?" He asked as they ate in the room. Lauren had told the keeper that one of them wasn't feeling well and with the sad eyes of a child fearing for her parents' health, had asked permission for them to have dinner in the room together, though this was usually against the local rules. Since they had been there for a week and some days, the woman agreed, saying it would be _just_ that time.

" _Those who don't know you, fall for it._ " Alison had thought to herself, knowing how well Lauren could act.

"Sincerely, I thought that might happen when I ran off." Taking how Lauren spoke, she had preferred the risk and she shrugged, to show it didn't matter even if now her stomach had suddenly done a flip-flap before the idea, trying to get free from the food it didn't want to digest anymore.

She knew _enough_ about that process.

While the two newcomers had explained they didn't want to take Allen to the Order and meant no harm to any of them, this was far from enough for her or anyone else. That Allen was giving them the benefit of the doubt _counted_ for her, at least until a certain limit… In the end, she had decided that keeping things polite would be the best policy.

Alison and Elana were made of a different material and didn't bother hiding their distrust. Allen wished Kanda would take his black coat off. It was a visual detail that wasn't helping the others to see him as someone _not_ from the Order. Alison's deep green eyes were like scalpels on him and Johnny and Allen could see she was on the edge. Elana displayed a coldness in her expression that was very much unlike her.

Raz didn't seem comfortable either and unlike her silence of when they had met the Exiled, this one felt heavy.

"But no." The mocha-skinned girl continued, mixing the rice and meat with her fork distractively. Allen knew her enough to see that behind that attitude, she had no trust for Kanda or Johnny either, but seemed willing to at least _try_ to be pleasant. "Maybe because our synchronization never diminished, I dunno."

" _Might as well have said "who cares?", Lauren…_ " Allen thought.

"We left the Order, but we still hunt akumas." Alison interjected once, sounding far colder than when Allen had met them and had a similar conversation. She was unsure if this was the reason, she just wanted to end that subject. It was a question she had stopped thinking about a long time ago, anyway.

"You've met three, four months ago, then?" Johnny asked, a curative in the corner of his head. Nothing of what had happened had had the slightest effect in his mood, neither did the distrust of the others. Since they were runaways from the Order (and had been for a long time), this wasn't an unexpected behavior and honestly, he was too happy knowing that Allen hadn't been alone all this time like he had thought to care, no matter if it felt awkward at first.

"And do you already know what _she_ is?" Kanda's question interrupted whatever answer Johnny might receive. His dark eyes were on the Noah, who just sustained his glare with a lack of interest that was almost challenging in a certain way. Allen threw Kanda an angry look, not caring if his attitude wasn't different from what he had expected.

" _Yeah, he didn't change at all."_

"Not at first. Nor about the Fourteenth." Samuel's deep voice was nothing but calm, displaying the subject had no impact to him, at least not anymore. He would have liked to say that it could be hard for someone who had _just_ left the Order to accept the idea that a Noah was with the group, but to them who had walked away long ago, it was as if the chains that had once held their minds had been broken with time. Perhaps he would have said so, if the man didn't think this might lead to an argument, which he would rather avoid during dinner.

If Cross was here and heard him, Samuel knew the redheaded would have a few words of his own to say.

"We told them a while ago." Raz affirmed, her eyes still holding Kanda's. At her side, Allen glared at him once more before going back to eating.

"And how has this travel been?" Johnny asked, looking from Raz to Allen, feeling the firecrackers that could jump from the question about the girl's nature. Even with this, the idea of being close to a Noah like that wasn't at all pleasant and there was something eerie about her that frankly creeped him out.

Whatever it was, he couldn't help being _afraid_ of her.

Allen stared at him, still annoyed and just raised his wrist which had a circular shackle with two circular spikes, making Johnny's attempt at a smile to slide down his face.

"Well… I… I'm sorry for this… I really don't remember the code."

Lauren bit her lower lip to hold a laugh as Elana and Samuel just exchanged looks that were between worried and amused, recalling what they knew and what they had heard about the Science Department's experiments.

They had had a couple of words to Allen regarding his attempt at going away as well. While the threat that Neah posed was understandable, none of them considered it enough to warrant a separation. As Alison had pointed out, they could make their own decisions about it, thank you very much.

But with Allen still trying to at least get free when it seemed that Raz or Kanda had lowered their guard, the samurai had lost what remained of his already-limited patience and dug in Johnny's bag until he had found a pair of shackles. Johnny had tried to alert him about it, but it was too late: The shackles had been made by Reever to stop Komui from running away all the time and would send a low electric jolt when separated by more than twenty meters from each other. And he couldn't remember the code that would open them.

Hearing this, Kanda had been stunned for a second and then proceeded to call the whole Department of names Raz had never heard in her entire life.

Lauren had found the whole deal, despite problematic, somehow funny and ignoring how Allen had at once tried to take his shackle off by force, thanked Johnny. Personal feelings aside, with the akumas hunting them more frequently those last days, any reason to laugh was welcomed.

Allen, however, didn't find it funny at all.

**XxX**

People left trails. Traits in routine, especially if they spent time together. Students used to know where their classmates sat, people who had the habit of eating at the same place could know each other by sight even if they never spoke…

So, Reever didn't get surprised when sometimes he passed by the table Johnny tended to use to check his reports and other papers and was caught by the impression that he would see him there, almost thinking he had a report for him to check or something to tell him…

Then he remembered. It had been weeks since the other had left, but after years of Johnny being part of Science Department in the Order, it was hard to get used to the idea of his absence.

It had been the same with Walker.

" _Living together or just caged together?"_ His mind whispered coldly and he tried to not send the thought away, even if that disturbed him. Sitting at a table close to the window, as it had become his habit, he read over some reports he didn't care much about.

"Chief Reever, are you alright?"

He turned to Miranda, picking the cup that was on the table and taking a sip of coffee.

"Yeah, I'm fine…"

The woman didn't seem at all convinced and her eyes remained on him, so dark that sometimes Reever felt they could be wells with a kind of warmth.

"You should take care of yourself" She said, taking a seat near him. "You're too pale. And you didn't have dinner… I mean, I don't mean to intrude, but if you keep this up, you may get sick." She added quickly, blushing and fearing he would think she was being intrusive. Truth was, she couldn't avoid getting worried, for him, for her friends, she just couldn't…

For some reason, Reever felt his face growing warm under the skin.

"There is nothing to it, I just wasn't hungry…" It was a curious mix of lie and truth. He hadn't realized if he _was_ hungry or not because lately, he would drown himself in his work in a feverish manner. He had found out that if he was too focused in his duties, then his mind didn't wander to thoughts he didn't want.

Miranda shook her head.

"Supervisor Komui noticed that too." She said quietly to him. "And he is worried." The man didn't say anything to this, but didn't tell her to go away, which Miranda took as a positive signal. Chewing her lower lip, she wondered what she could say or do to make him feel better.

She took the risk.

"It's Johnny, isn't it?" They all knew he had left, but while some had accepted that he needed to take care of a relative (mother or grandmother, she wasn't sure), Miranda didn't think that was true.

Reever looked at her. There were moments Miranda seemed more intuitive than others gave her credit for. Suddenly, he felt something agitating inside and before he realized, he was managing to put into words something that until now had been twisting inside him.

"Johnny went after Allen. He was the only one who had the courage to do so." Reever whispered, though with the noise in the Science Department room (even if it was night already), it made no difference. "I _trust_ Allen too, I know he didn't do anything wrong, but… After so much time here, working in the Order, focusing in this war and trying to help the Exorcists…"

He sighed, running his hand on his hair.

"Now I can't help but to think… If we're truly fighting for humanity, then why did we let this happen?"

Miranda didn't say anything and the silence pulled more words from Reever in a red line in which his entrails were caught.

"We've been working here for so long that we… We never questioned anything, even when we disagree with the Central. When Allen was arrested, we had orders to not see him and we just got angry, but didn't actually try anything… And even after what Allen did for the Central, they classified him as an enemy… I mean… It could have been any of us in the end, and…" He shook his head and Miranda saw how this had been eating him inside. He groaned, running his hand across his face.

"Does this sound like what the side fighting for humanity would do?"

The man's elbows were on the table and he held his head. The reports in front of him gained mocking hues. It should be simple. Noah and Humanity. Two sides. Nothing similar between them. No common ground.

"I don't know anymore… I'm just not sure anymore of what is _right."_

The woman's hand touched his back in a gentle caress. She tried to imagine what it felt to be in the Order for as long as Reever had, but never leaving to the battlefield and just being able to help from inside. That didn't diminish his value at all, but she could understand what he meant.

It wasn't just his friendship with Allen or Johnny that worried him and created some hostile feeling to the Central, but the decisions made lately caused him to doubt all he had believed until now. Once you started to question what was right and wrong, if the Order was right or not…

Where did they belong in that war?

They were the weaker side, no doubt, whose chances of winning were low.

Yet they were all that stood between the Earl and humanity's death.

"Maybe… Maybe we don't need to choose if we should fight for a friend or for humanity…" The woman muttered unsure, since this was no comfort whatsoever, but an opinion. "They can't ask us to do this, to choose between one or the other."

After all, it wasn't as if supporting a friend, humanity would be forgotten and condemned. But now, with Allen considered a Noah, that's what seemed to be like in the vision of those who believed in his betrayal.

Because a good soldier follows orders.

Because they had been taught all along that Noahs were monsters. Of course, they played the part to a tee, they _were monsters,_ and yet… Allen was anything but one, and many people had accepted so far easier if in comparison to what one might expect.

Because the Organization had said so.

And because good soldiers follow orders.

The words she had heard from superiors such as Levelier and the other chiefs of the branches now felt like strands of iron cutting and sucking out the blood to make them dance in a rhythm chosen by others. Heh, it should be easier to those seated at such a high point that they all looked as pawns in a chessboard…

But after while, roles became easier to accept and people could get used to it… To be players or pawns, even to those piercing strings.

"Us" and "them". What "we" are and what "they" are.

You got used, you got settled, you accepted.

" _Right_ ", " _wrong_ "… Terms that were slippery in reality, frequently mixed in a dance, strands of ripped-out skin uniting them in a whole thing whose colors changed depending on which point you sat to watch.

Suddenly, Miranda felt like she was going to be sick.

"We are not marionettes…" She muttered, unaware if to herself or Reever, who held her hand as if he couldn't ever let go again.

* * *

 

**Wolf: Whew, the meeting between Johnny, Kanda and the rest of the group was not an easy one to write.**

**Alison: Do we have to put up with them?**

**Wolf: Calm down, they're nice.**

**Allen: "Nice" isn't how I would describe Kanda, but...**

**Kanda: You do know I'm right here, right?**

**Wolf: But they wouldn't spill the beans about him or you, so...**

**Elana: Your point?**

**Wolf: You're all just balls of trust and sunshine, aren't you?**

**Alison: Has kept us alive.**

 


	18. Act Eighteen – Hunter and Prey

_"When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you" –_ Nietzsche _._

In a city which had such a normally high flux of tourists and travelers, people were used to see here and there in the streets something to look at. At times, travelers hoping to receive exchanges for songs or quickly drawings, poets reciting about faraway lands or people carrying small boards in front of their chests held by straps over their shoulders, showing all kinds of things they were selling, from toys to trinkets.

In one of the streets, in front of some steps leading to a courtyard, there was a large tablecloth with all kinds of paraphernalia, writing machines and clocks. A small board announced " _Fast Repair Services_ " and sitting on the steps, only the man with glasses and curly hair seemed to be fine, welcoming clients with smiles. The other two boys refused to look at each other, both with harsh expressions and the girl had her elbow on her knee, resting her face on her hand as she watched the man with glasses fix some of the stuff. It was hard to say if she was bored or just calm.

Johnny's idea of opening a small service like that hadn't been all bad and even if they had started to offer repairs just three days ago, apparently people had commented with their friends and the incoming was being relatively good for something that had just started.

Allen wasn't that pleased. Not that he had anything against this, but he was already used to performing again and playing cards to help with their living, no matter the complications and inconstancies. The major factor for his current state in the end was that the shackle Kanda had placed on him was firm as ever and was apparently exceptionally resistant.

" _Figures. Their inventions keep haunting me. All those Komurins and I don't know what else being useless and yet_ this _has to be the one thing that actually works."_

Kanda hadn't said anything about it, preferring to ignore the subject.

Raz, on another hand, was not exactly much better. Like Allen, she had gotten used to spend part of the afternoons dancing and jumping, going from a point to another in towns as they gathered money for the travels and now she had nothing to do, even when people at times brought objects she had never seen in her life (which called her curiosity) and Johnny, seeing this, would then explain what they were for (but she _had_ noticed how he backed away a little if she leaned to him), though Raz understood almost nothing when he used some technological terms.

And it didn't help that they knew the Noah Clan should be close.

At times, Raz tried to concentrate and try to see if she was able to feel for their presence around, taking in Wisely's words, but she found herself unable to sense anything different. There were occasions when something stirred in her blood, as a wild call coming from her soul, a long and nostalgic thing filling her with unknown longing, but whatever it was, it didn't work to indicate an exact localization or even to confirm if there was really someone around. Seeing her bothered once and convincing her to tell what was wrong, Samuel had then suggested that the reason, probably, was that she hadn't met another Noah personally since she had awakened, not really. The meeting with Tyki Mikk barely counted, once she had been still too weak and worried to realize if she felt something that she could later use as base to be sure if there were other Noahs nearby or not.

They weren't even sure of how this worked for them, for starters.

Raz had accepted the reasoning for lack of a better one, not that it meant she felt better. Turning her head, she watched Timcampy and Johnny's golem perched above the board, like two birds, the golden tail of Tim waving a little when she looked at him. Despite the four of them acting as normally as possible, she knew Allen was as nervous as she was. It was the sensation of being at the end of a weapon or meeting an enemy and being frozen, expecting an attack, only prolonged to last hours.

"If there is no possible repair," Johnny commented as he inspected a machine of sorts. "I'll ask if we can keep it." None of them replied, but he carried on all the same. "It will be useful if there is a piece we can use!"

Allen didn't fully understand why, but he had nothing to say to this. Johnny, during the dinner when they had met, had explained how neither him or Kanda intended to take Allen back at all, but his decision in following them in their travels wasn't something Allen deemed sensate. Even when he and Raz had told what Wisely had communicated, Johnny had paled and looked about to be sick… Only to swallow and insist this to be another reason for him to not leave Allen and that even if they tried to escape, he would just follow.

Lauren had commented there would be no need for this, due to the electrified shackles, patting Allen's back and suggesting he accepted the fact Johnny had come to stay, unaware that it had just made the man all the more cheerful.

He hadn't heard her whispering to Allen that, at the slightest signal of trouble, he was to send Timcampy to them, no mattering if he and Raz could deal with Johnny and Kanda alone and also to be on his watch, should it seem that they were going to try contacting the Order.

"Just say something already…" The samurai in question groaned to Allen, who lifted his shackled arm with such a hard expression his features could be stone hidden under flesh. Kanda groaned with a muttering that sounded quite like " _Idiot Moyashi_ ", which got Allen telling him to say whatever _he_ had to say instead of grumbling.

"This was your idea, for starters." Allen said between teeth, referring to the shackles. "Why would you put _that_ on me in the first place?" The dark-haired man didn't seem at all impressed or bothered. His only reaction regarding the shackles had been annoyance before what he considered an inconvenience.

"How was I supposed to know it was one more of those ridiculous inventions?" The samurai retorted with a scowl. "And if _you_ weren't trying to escape all the damn time, _I_ wouldn't have to resort to this, _Moyashi."_

 _"_ It was in the bag of someone from the Science Department, which alone makes it suspicious enough! No offense" He added to Johnny just a second before going back to the discussion. "But nooo, _Bakanda_ always acts first and thinks later, congratulations!"

"That's rich coming from you…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, do you wish me to use simpler terms that your mind has the capacity to process?"

Raz and Johnny limited themselves to watch as both went on, the girl being reminded of when Allen played cards… That dark aura was back and it seemed to be clashing with that of the samurai. She was almost sure there was a shape forming behind Kanda, similar to a demon.

"Is it always like this with them?" She asked aside to Johnny, having seen Allen upset or annoyed, but never like that.

"You haven't seen anything yet." He whispered back, trying to hold back an involuntary shiver when the Noah leaned to his direction, hoping she wouldn't notice. After years hearing about the Millennium Earl and, when the Clan appeared, of their actions in battle and being there during two attacks, he couldn't find a way to deal with his own fear. Even if she hadn't done anything yet and was generally polite, there was something about her that just made his insides coil.

Allen and Kanda remained engaged in their discussion and Johnny knew better than to interfere in those moments. However, there was something strangely pleasant in seeing Allen and Kanda in a discussion, as it had been so frequent back in the Order, aware that even with the growls, threats and offenses, this was normal for those two. And it brought a curious kind of relief that sent away part of the weight in his veins. Despite all that had happened, there were things that remained the same… Even if nothing would ever be back to just how it was before, that vision allowed him to believe that something new and good could survive all that war. It wasn't impossible.

It couldn't be.

"Excuse me," A fat man with a white mustache approached. "Do you do home services?"

At once Johnny opened a professional smile and stood up, calling for Allen who remained quiet as he stood. Raz hesitated for a moment before deciding to follow too and Johnny wasn't sure if this was because she was used to being with Allen, if due to her distrust of him or if she just didn't want to stay with Kanda.

Once alone, Kanda sighed and lifted a sleeve… While the man had been talking to Johnny about the machine, he had felt a hot needle piercing a point of his arm sending shards to every cell, but hadn't said anything to anyone there.

From the black cross that now marked his arm since the Innocence's evolution, veins stood against the skin as if wanting to tear it open and Kanda almost could see them pulsating. Even now, something in his blood seemed to agitate in a way that he had never felt before… The sensation was curious, coming from inside him and yet, strangely distant. It didn't hurt, but it bothered him.

" _Is it the preliminary state of becoming a Fallen One?"_ He wondered, watching as the veins of his arm near the mark became more noticeable, the cross looking more like a wound. His blood pulsated with the strength of a living being caged in his body. Kanda covered his arm, not wanting to look at that anymore.

But why nothing of the sort had happened to anyone of that other group? None of them had become a Fallen One and Johnny had commented that he recalled, a little bit, about how some of them had been considered dead more than five years ago, like Samuel Kallen.

This didn't make any sense.

Kanda glanced coldly at Timcampy upon seeing he was still on the board, the "face" turned to him. As much as the golem had been at the Moyashi's side for so long, Kanda somehow didn't trust the creature… He had never cared for it before but now, he noticed more how different it was from the golems from the Order, which were basically machines… And the fact the Fourteenth had been its master…

"This is quite a beautiful clock," A soft voice commented ahead, cutting his thoughts. "How much is it?"

"Sorry, nothing here is for sale, just repairs." Kanda said quickly. It wouldn't help, with all that was happening, if some imbecile tried to steal things just because Kanda was alone.

Timcampy's tail stopped moving.

"What a pity…" The man commented, his eyes lifting behind the glasses that almost reflected the sun. The hem of his long coat reached the floor.

Timcampy stood still. Kanda noticed and suddenly, he knew there was something wrong… It could be impression, but suddenly the man's skin had seemed to shiver as if it had worms underneath…

Or feathers.

"Really a pity…"

**XxX**

Of all works she had done, Alison didn't mind being store clerk, helping around as she could. It was easy for her, relatively tranquil and in cities like this, people often accepted an extra help, even if for just a couple of weeks, especially in touristic seasons.

There were times they needed to leave town when they realized there wouldn't be a job to find (and no news of deaths that could indicate akumas) and if short on money, they went on foot. However, after the years growing used to this sort of living, perhaps some of them had developed a sort of cunning that helped along and when they didn't find an actual job, sometimes they searched for people who needed help with home chores such as cleaning.

The store she was currently working was a mix of local trinkets that one bought in trips and a candy store. For what the owner told her, she had joined her business with a neighbor a long time ago and that was how the store had become like this. It was nice to work here, too, with a clear room that had a sweet smell and large window that invited sunlight.

"There you go, dear." She said with the mechanic smile of who is used to deal with customers all day and leaned to give the little boy the miniature ship, a colorful toy full of details. The father messed his son's hair as he received the exchange and wished her a nice day.

Once they were out, Alison took her seat once more, her bow resting near her feet. The absence of arrows (and a long lie about how this was all she had left of her parents and couldn't bear to be parted from it) had convinced the owner to allow Alison to keep the object with her while working, as long as she kept it in the bag and away from customer's eyes.

Resting her arms in the balcony, her thoughts went to the two new men they had met three days ago. Alison didn't know much of them, she had used to stay more in the North American branch than the principal Headquarters and also tended to stay away in missions…

Could they trust those two? The idea of Johnny Gil, someone who had no training in battle, leaving everything behind to help Allen usually would be enough to warrant her respect, but how could they be sure it wasn't a lie?

" _You trust Allen. And Raz, no matter if she is a Noah or not."_ A voice whispered in her mind, a voice like Irene's. Well, it was different. They had spent weeks with them and even if Raz had confessed her true nature recently, it was like Samuel had said: She would have hurt them already if that was in her plans.

" _So, give them some time too."_ That part of her mind insisted.

And all that story of "Heart", too, that Allen had told them when they met. She had never ever heard of such thing back in the Order… During the time Allen and Raz had traveled to Liverpool, they had talked about this among themselves and Alison had said so to Samuel, who had held a laugh deep in his throat, like a panther's laughter and Elana had casted her a sarcastic expression that wasn't usual for her.

" _Sure, Ali, because the Central,"_ The word was spit, every letter filled by despise. You wouldn't hear Elana speaking like this often. " _Always tells everything to everyone."_

Thinking about the idea of a Heart made her remember Yeegar as well. Even after so long, to learn that he was dead filled her with mourning, especially due to how he had been found and how his body had given in, too weak to keep itself alive, no longer having any sanity left.

Alison had never forgotten his last words to her. With a sigh, she ran her hand through her grey hair and placed her braid over one of her shoulders, playing with it as she thought.

None of them knew a thing about this Heart. Well, Samuel mentioned he might have had overheard something alike whispered by some of the "big bosses" per say, but hadn't caught the context and by the they had spoken, he had assumed it was just the name of some Innocence and nothing of that importance.

" _There is more to this, any dumbass can see."_

 _"And hello Irony, thou art a heartless bitch."_ Lauren had said when they discussed the subject in the room they shared, which Alison had no problems agreeing with. They had spent years trying to never come in contact with the Order again, letting they believe they were dead and now here they were, as if being pulled to _Order's_ matters _again._

_Damn it._

Well, for now there wasn't much to do besides moving on.

" _Why haven't you become Fallen Ones?"_ That Kanda guy had asked. She recalled the sparkle in Lauren's eyes and knew why. The girl, during a time, had investigated the Order by herself before leaving and had found papers regarding the experiments they did, trying to force the synchronization and later, had talked to Hevlaska and demanded the truth.

" _Sincerity. Pff"_ The woman thought, faces of the past again coming to her mind as an old poison was renewed, a snake that could sleep, but never be killed. " _I wonder how many from the_ Central _know the meaning of the word."_

**XxX**

Johnny studied the copy machine with interest, a box of a white machine opened to reveal its insides made of gears and tapes.

"It would be nice if there was a piece or two that we could use… But it's nothing, it will take just some minutes here." He told Allen and Raz, who was currently looking at the mechanisms inside, head tilted. Across her, Johnny might not notice any emotion except what her stance revealed but a smile came to Allen… In times like this he could feel an almost childlike curiosity from Raz, like the first days they had spent together. He honestly hoped she wouldn't ever lose that particular quality… It was, if he said so, quite adorable.

"Why would you want that?" He didn't resist his own curiosity. Ever since they had opened this "business", Johnny always asked the costumers to keep whatever that was broken if there was no way of fixing it. His justification was that they could use the pieces, but Allen had no idea what for.

"Oh, well…" The other started, not looking away from his work. "I thought I could try making more golems. I don't know if I can, but I can improvise! It will be quite useful to keep in contact, don't you think?"

Seeing his smile, Allan couldn't help feeling something light coming from inside. Johnny had been with them for four days now, but he seemed to have liked Samuel, Alison and the others, as if he was entering the "mood" of belonging to a runaway group.

He had no way of knowing that it wasn't just that. To Johnny, learning that Allen had been with Raz ever since leaving and that he had met the Exiled a little after had filled him with happiness.

" _That's good, isn't it, Allen? You weren't alone after all, you weren't!"_

Allen decided to remain quiet, unsure of himself. That Johnny was so determined to stay at his side… Even after being directly hurt by Neah… It made him think about the nights he had caught himself thinking about the Order, in the mornings of the first days when he, sleepy, had almost believed (or hoped) that it had all been a nightmare, just so reality would rub itself in is flesh.

And by what he had told… Lenalee, Miranda, Krory, Komui, Reever… They still believed in him, still saw him as " _Allen"…_ At the same time this gave him relief, it also renewed how he missed them.

Fire invaded his nerves.

The flesh in his arm heated up and seemed to melt, creating white feathers.

This time, the sensation was unlike anything he had felt before… No, wrong, he _knew_ it but it had been months ago…

It was the sensation he had had back that night in the Order.

Apocryphos.

**XxX**

"Allen is really a good boy." He commented as his essence ran through the Exorcist's mind. "He didn't say a thing about me…" His mouth opened in a smile. "Such a good boy."

He released the Exorcist, who fell in the ground, body too weak after his essence had examined it. He had a curious mind, that one, quite curious… And that hidden devotion, he felt it as veins of blood and emotions pulsating each with a melody of its own, together with the orchestra of the heartbeat and other organs working. Beautiful. Not as much as Allen's, but also with a value of its own.

A devotion of another life, strong enough to carry on to this one.

The creature hiding under the human skin turned to the golden golem, his despise irradiating of his flesh and threatening to tear his disguise apart, but he kept the control. He wasn't a merciless being, after all, and as hateful as that decrepit thing was, it should have been a support to Allen in those long months.

Poor, poor Allen… If he had comprehended in their first meeting, he wouldn't have had to go through those lonely months. It wouldn't have been painful and he would have been gentle with the boy.

However… It was curious. He had focused his search in Kanda's mind for information regarding Allen and rejected other data, but now he _felt_ as if the boy hadn't been as alone as he thought… As if there was something more. Well, no matter. Allen was too close for him to care for details that he could find out later.

Allen was all that mattered, second only to the Heart.

To know that Howard Link was alive, now that _was_ interesting.

"Ah, ah" He warned upon seeing the golem's wings starting to move. A human wouldn't have realized this. "If you fly, I'll keep this compatible as a hostage."

The golem hesitated. The face, that was human and at the same time not, opened in a smile, lips showing white teeth, skin sliding over the muscles and only the eyes were real.

"Sooner or later, I'll absorb Allen." Just the idea sent shivers in his body and filled it with waves of triumph and delight. It was the best way to keep the boy safe and he hoped Allen would understand the honor and accept the ritual with the dignity of a true Exorcist. "He is such a gentle person, he wouldn't ever leave a friend behind."

His face was still open in a smile, a wound in the flesh that bleed the pus of despise that he felt for that golden ball. Cross Marian had made it in such a way that it could regenerate by himself… But he knew the weakness of this kind of alchemy and construction, and he _couldn't afford to_ _miss_ the chance of getting rid of that disgusting parasite.

"If you stay here, I won't lay a finger on Allen today."

The movement of the wings ceased.

**XxX**

They ran across the streets, Allen's left arm involved in white flames. Unlike before, when Raz had gouged them out, they didn't hurt and weren't Apocryphos' feathers but his own Innocence, reacting to the creature's presence.

He ran and ran, barely feeling his legs and just seeing faceless figures, his mind fixated on the false face and what it hid underneath.

" _Where, where?"_ It was the only word in his mind, not knowing if he was searching Apocryphos to fight it for what he had done or to know what direction to run away from it. Not once questioning, Raz kept running at his side, guessing what was going on.

"Raz, go back, stay with Johnny!"

"You must be _crazy!"_ The girl hissed back, almost indignant. When Allen would understand he hadn't to do this alone, she had no idea.

"You…" He started but she interrupted.

"He _is_ Innocence, you said it yourself. How will you face him, if you can't fight with Crown Clown?" Not that _she_ would be much more useful and she knew it. She wasn't as weak as before, but in comparison to the other Noahs, Raz doubted she could pose an actual threat, especially against that white nightmare Allen had described.

"TIM!" Allen called, seeing there was no point in discussing with her. "Show us the direction to…"

There was no golden gleam in the sky, no wings or the wave of a tail…

They stopped in a narrow street suddenly, eyes searching the sky and finding only the blue and clouds passing lazily by. No sign of Timcampy…

"But where…"

"Tim…" Allen whispered, the uncertainty taking him over. Timcampy… He was always nearby, _always._ He only completely left him when Allen told him to and even then, hesitantly and depending of the situation. That night in China when Allen had told him to take Suman's Innocence away had been an example.

But… But then where he was?

A rustle of clothes following movement called their attention. It didn't come from the fabric left to dry on the lines between buildings, kept high so no one in the street could steal them…

It had come from behind them…

"Fourteenth…" A known voice called in a soft whisper. "Raziah…"

Allen turned, heart stopping and wishing with all his strength that he was wrong. That it wasn't _him,_ let it be his imagination…

Raz felt her blood ceasing in her veins, becoming ice.

At the end of the street, blocking their way, there was the yellow coat Allen knew well… A black top hat adorned by a colorful strap and a huge button in the shape of a smiling face.

The Millennium Earl.

* * *

**Allen: And ending with cliffhanger. Do you hate your readers?**

**Wolf: What if I promised to update faster if I get more reviews?**

**Allen: Now you're blackmailing them and people hate it.**

**Wolf: Well, what do you want me to say?  
**

**Kanda: Nothing, you're better off with your mouth shut. Makes you seem less of an idiot.  
**

**Wolf: And I thought Apocreep was a jerk.**

**Kanda: What was that?**

**Wolf: Nothing, nothing...**

**JUST A NOTE. I've mentioned this fic differs from the manga, but I think I better point out that from this chapter on, things _won't follow the manga continuity._ That includes the whole " _Mana being the Earl_ " and " _Neah and Mana being the original Earl_ " and I don't know what else. **


	19. Act Nineteen – Dance of Past and Present

_"What if everything in the world were a misunderstanding, what if laughter were really tears?" –_ Soren Kierkegaard.

There was no possible reaction.

Everything wrapped by skin, be nerve or organ, had ceased its existence as if the organism somehow thought that by doing so, nothing bad would happen…

The silence that followed held Hell in it. Allen's flesh was stretched out and even if had met the Earl before, he found himself frozen in place.

The Earl tilted his head. His glasses reflected the sun, not allowing them to search his eyes for a hint of his mood. His face remained hidden in the mask of an eternal smile.

"You…" Raz's whisper was almost inaudible, more a brush of vocal chords than actual speech. She knew, unsure of how, _who_ that man was. And while she couldn't move at all, there was also another emotion with an intensity she couldn't control or block.

This, more than everything, made her heart feel as if it couldn't beat.

He was the Earl…

The man slid his hand inside his coat, picking a stripped thing. Soon, it was clear he was blowing a balloon up. The sight had everything to be ridiculous and yet it was as if the balloon was made of human skin, revealing stitched faces as it became bigger. Allen wouldn't have been surprised if that was the case.

He backed away, slowly… He should run, he knew, run… But true thought had left his mind, leaving him with the basic workings of the body alone. He had never felt such dread before, even when facing the Earl.

Raz's hands went for her arms in instinct, as if to stop herself. Under her shoulders, her nails made a nest in her flesh. Her legs trembled, she wouldn't be able to tell if she wanted to run away from that man… _Or go to him._

_And both options were frightening._

A wave of electricity caught Allen and he fell, Raz holding him before he hit the ground. The shackle still had small sparkles on it.

Distracted by the shock, they only realized the Earl had moved once a shadow fell over them, before they could react.

"Oh, _look!_ " A cheerful voice, of someone playing a game. "I. Got. _You~_!"

They jumped at the same time, avoiding the balloon. It hit the ground, breaking it instead of bursting. Pieces of bricks flew as bullets, scratching them. The eyes of the Earl's mask seemed to stand out and twirled in opposite directions, out of control.

His attack, however, broke the trance they had been in.

"Neeeah?" The voice called again, the sound of a broken crystal. It was enough to make Allen look back, the protest of being called by that name dying in his throat.

"Neah… Raziah…" The girl felt a wave of coldness upon hearing him calling her. It sounded familiar, she almost stepped in his direction before realizing it. The Earl held his hand to his chest, almost as if bowing to them due to the height difference. "It's _me…_ Why are you running?"

His mask contorted into something carved by a lunatic. His voice changed tone in the middle of the words, in a thousand emotions as a prism reflecting the light.

Allen's hand went to his left shoulder, meaning to turn it into his sword. His fingers only found feathers that slipped and twisted between his fingers, soft substance escaping his touch.

" _C'mon, Crown Clown, please…"_

"Don't you… Don't you _recognize me?"_ The Earl asked as if in realization. Scars kept sounding in the man's voice. He attacked as if to grab them, a crack cutting his mask in half.

Shadows rose in his path. Allen and Raz took steps back. Panic rushed the blood, thundering in their ears.

A sound of ripping and, after hesitating with the pressure, the shadows were torn apart.

"Why would you do such a thing, Raaaz~?" Despite the ever changing cheerful-sad sound, there was something almost genuine in the question. The girl was caught off guard and, for a moment, through the crack in the mask, the man's eyes met hers.

Oh, God…

She _knew_ those eyes.

The Earl came at them once more. Raz avoided his hand at last minute, ducking as Allen jumped to the wall at his right. The man tilted his head, as if not comprehending what they were doing… Or perhaps any of this.

Allen knew they couldn't pass by him and the street was too narrow. If they could go back, be sure the Earl wouldn't follow…

The Noah Patriarch stopped for a moment.

And with a laugh or cry, he came at them. For a second, the man seemed to Allen not like an enemy moved by murderous intend, but more like someone moved by despair, trying to hug family members who he hadn't seen in far too long. Strangely enough, wasn't it more or less like it?

He jumped over the man's hand, Raz going to the other side in the last minute.

The impact shattered the bricks of the wall.

Shadows made strings around his hands and Raz tried to hold him back. At once, she felt awful. She didn't want to do this, she… It took all of her focus in ignoring the melancholic longing, the wish of going near the Earl and talk. The shadows became gentler… Even in this state, he would hear, he…

" _NO!"_ Her mind cried as she forced herself to run by him, joining Allen.

The Earl followed close. Allen lifted his arm, a mess of white out of control, but it worked as a shield of sorts. Raz created shadows to slow the man down as they turned to run.

" _It is like he's lost all reason!"_ Although the man frequently behaved as if all was a game, this now…

This was very different.

"ALLEN!" A known cry made him turn in the middle of a jump. A crash, and broken pieces followed, hitting his back and arms as a thousand bullets.

"JOHNNY, _RUN!"_ The moment of distraction was fatal. A mass of warmth hit the side of his body against the wall. Pain shot through as his skull met the hard surface.

As his body slid among ruins, he slid to darkness.

"Ne…ah…" The Earl muttered, his hands moving slowly, shivering now.

Shadows grabbed his neck and pulled back. The same happened to his wrists.

The mask had opened in the center like a jigsaw piece. It was possible to see the figure of a face and a shining golden eye.

Raz stood in front of Allen as Johnny ran to the boy, trying to lift him by placing his arm on his shoulder.

A golden eye found stone-blue eyes.

He forced against the shadows' hold, managing to move his arm. Raz felt it through her nerves. Strong, too strong. He lifted a hand slowly. Why was he trembling like that?

"Raz…"

He tried to speak gently, the effect ruined by his voice, the smile of his half-parted mask...

"Raz... _It's me…"_ He reached his hand out to her, as though she was a little animal he didn't want to scare away. "Please… Don't be afraid…"

Her whole being was ripped apart.

Wait.

Go.

Stay.

_Run_.

Whips came to the Earl's arms, pulling down. The thorns that they had, however, retracted in the last instant as Raz realized she couldn't bring herself to harm him.

" _What am I_ DOING?" She took off, helping Johnny, wishing she wasn't doing that due to being _weak_ and not due to her _feelings._ As confident as she was in her decision, everything seemed so twisted, so _senseless. "Don't be stupid, go!"_

She looked back as she ran. It was the right thing to do, but why did it hurt? Through the scar in his mask, there was the figure of a face, features unseen but for the golden eyes. Among the gleam of madness, there was something else… Like he barely knew what he was doing…

The golden gleamed and bleed…

The Earl was _crying._

Shadows held his face, blinding him. Johnny and Raz avoided when the man instinctively tried to hold them. They ran, Allen still unconscious, blood staining threads of his hair.

Raz felt like going back to him. She didn't want to hurt him, she…

The Earl hit a wall. Stones rained over them. Johnny felt a slice of pain in his back, under his free shoulder. Raz threw shards of shadows behind, but her concentration was unbalanced and some faded. Even the ones that remained didn't cause more than scratches.

Allen groaned.

"G-Go… Stay… Away… Me…" His tongue barely worked the words.

"NO!" Johnny replied, blood rushing more than the body could keep up, holding Allen tighter and trying to stand. "I-I can't… We'll _all_ go together!"

Raz felt the blood on her leg, the bones protesting when she kept moving, turning her head and commanding more shadows to grab the man. They wrapped his wrists, his legs. He didn't seem to notice, his eyes stabbing the three of them.

Throat closing, Johnny looked back. He wanted to beg, even if he knew it would be useless. He wanted to show how Allen was hurt, show the Noah Patriarch what he was doing and make him stop… To appeal to any mercy he might feel…

Useless, Johnny knew.

However, seeing Johnny carrying Allen, Raz at his side, a memory tore apart the Millennium Earl's mind…

" _I'm sorry, forgive me, Neah…"_ Oh, yes, he remembered. _That person_ had begged forgiveness when it was too late, the same way _he_ had done when he had found Neah. But what use was there to apologize? Neah was dead… Dead like all others… Because of… Because…

That human of now was trying to take Neah ( _Neah? Allen?)_ away _._

Take ( _Neah? Allen?)_ and Raz _away_

Take them away, away from _him_ …

"Who… Are you?" The question escaped his throat. The human either didn't listen or ignored him, one of the arms of the white-haired child over his shoulder, trying to go on even with the weight, helped by Raz…

He was coming between them, between him and his family, just like…

"E-Earl…" The human turned his face, but it was someone else the Earl saw. "Please… Please, stop…" It was the man who said it or the memory that took over his mind and the place of the present?

Raz… Dear Raz… The shadows in his arms held him even if he was still at the moment. Though she would have been able to use them to pierce him, Raz seemed unable to force herself to do so… Among memories that overlapped, he recalled her. Raz soaked in blood, eyes empty. Raz sitting near Neah as he played, that other person there as well…

That person.

That person, that man begging as he held Neah.

Memory and reality became one.

"WHO ARE YOOUUU?" He roared, hitting and sending the human away from Neah. The hand of his armor/costume pushed the shadows and he felt thorns before forcing the shield to break, the impact sending everything away, including the girl.

The street was in ruins.

Allen, coming back to the world, stood with his arm in defense at Raz's side, who started to stand, dizzy, the blood of her wounds smeared against the skin. She whimpered in pain that kept increasing as her mind cleared.

A lightening that only existed in the mind cut Allen Walker and the Millennium Earl, Adam, from inside out their skulls. Suddenly, all around disappeared in the intensity of a memory that didn't belong to one and the other would give all to forget.

A girl of spiky hair held a man of long hair… Road… Road, staring furiously as she held Mana's head in a gesture that one couldn't tell if of protection or hate… In front of her, a figure of messy hair evaluated the scene with a cold expression… Neah…

Then a field bloomed in the eyes of the Innocence Accommodator and the Noah Patriarch… A beautiful place, plants (wheat? Flowers? He couldn't see for sure) reaching the knees of a tall man in a long coat… The same man Road had been holding… His eyes had just sadness as if he hadn't known anything else…

"M… Mother?" He asked or the wind whispered?

A twisted tree that seemed to reach out to the skies. A large known figure in a coat. As the other man approached, he managed to see a woman with a trail of blood coming from her mouth…

She wore an old times dress of many folds, the dark and long hair still shivering in the wind with the illusion of life. Her eyes were glassy, no conscience or gleam. If the blood, of a painful red, wasn't enough then the eyes would be enough…

She was dead.

The realization caused an unbearable pain and all color of the world came down to that blood…

The large man half-turned, his face a mask whose smile could be of happiness, insanity or hate. The first man, Mana, had tears escaping his eyes and he didn't seem to realize he was crying.

"Now, everything is back to how it was before~…" The Earl muttered in a tone none could decipher. "Mana D. Campbell…"

Among the vision, where the separated minds still had freedom of thought, both felt confused to this name. That face was known by a different name to one and the other, despite realizing the existent connection, hadn't dedicated thought to it, too caught up in other matters.

"This is all your fault."

The Earl's voice was a whisper. It would have been better if he yelled…

"You caused this tragedy…"

Reality cut the memory, slipping in a crack and spreading.

"MANA!" Allen cried out, lifting his head. He hadn't even realized he had fallen and Raz was at his side, pulling him up and back to where Johnny was, but Allen's catatonic state had turned his body into stone. He struggled free of her and turned, seeing the Earl rubbing his face, also surprised by the vision.

"What the _shit_ was that?" Allen whispered to himself. In the broken floor and dust, he saw a small thing shining… One of the buttons of the Earl's coat, probably ripped off in the fight… Not thinking about what he was doing, Allen picked the golden circle with lines carved. A golden button. He clenched it in his hand.

It felt familiar.

All he could think was what he had seen.

Mana. That woman, that beautiful woman, with blood coming down her chin.

"Mother… Mana…"

"Allen, let's go!" Raz tried to call him as she fought the nerve-freezing dread herself. He shook his head, unable to think, trying to clear the mind. Johnny groaned, starting to come back to his senses.

"Now… That was like a memory…" Allen muttered, straightening himself. No, it _had_ been a memory. How and why, he didn't know or cared. Feeling the blood in his legs again, he started to back away, but the Earl was up once more too.

"You are… Yes, I understand now… You are _Mana's."_ He muttered to himself. The way he said the name called Allen's attention. He had _never_ heard the Earl speaking in that tone. "Ma… Mana… I remember, oh, yes I do…"

His voice whipped the air.

"MANA IS THE CAUSE OF ALL THIS!"

Allen forgot all around him, unable to look away.

"Mana is the one to blame for this tragedy… He ruined everything, _everything!_ Mana _Walker."_ The Earl spit the word with a chuckle and his voice tied Allen in place. There were different emotions in the Earl's voice, who chuckled again. "Mana _Walker?_ No, oh, no, no, right? No… _Mana D. Campbell!"_

Something sliced Raz inside.

D…

D. Campbell…

_Mana D. Campbell…_

But… She had known Mana to be Allen's father, Neah's brother, so why… But it was there, coming from the depths of past and a part of her asked how _couldn't she have realized…_ Yes, Mana and Neah D. Campbell, Mana had long hair and Neah's was shorter… There had been this time they had talking, but the words no longer existed in her mind…

"How can you say that?!" Allen growled to the Earl, who looked at him as if only now he recalled where they were. His golden eyes ran from Allen to Raz, his mask almost giving in… Allen could see the figure of a face…

Then the mask closed, with the perfection of a jigsaw. Eyes that before twisted out of the sockets came back to normal and the Earl straightened his glasses. Still, the voice kept shivering in cadence.

Allen's arm was back to normal as well, the feathers melting in the skin and calming down, but he didn't seem to realize it.

"How? You ask me _how~?"_ Allen noticed something. Between the oscillation, he caught something beyond fury or insanity or hate in his words. "Oh, because it is the _truth,_ Neah… No… _Allen Walker._ Mana caused all this! You can thank _him_ for us being here now, little one!"

Allen and Raz alike knew they should take the effect of whatever the Earl was going all about to run away, but neither could move from the temptation of answers of a past one didn't know and the other didn't remember.

" _Mana? The one who caused all this was Neah!"_ Allen wanted to cry in reply. Neah had been the one who killed the Clan (no matter the reasons), if that was what the Earl talked about. And who made the akumas was the _Earl._

The true responsible for all of that… For all that pain… Was standing right in front of Allen.

Raz felt her own mind, fishes in a lake and that dived too deep when she tried to told them.

Still, she could see Neah and Mana's faces now and how could she have been so _stupid_ and not comprehended that she _had known Allen's adoptive father…_

" _Walker… Of course he would use this name…"_ She thought, unsure of why (it had the sensation of a private thing, only understood by the involved as a secret), when she felt someone holding her wrist and breaking thought. Johnny Gil fought to stand, looking at her with a mix of worry and dread, eyes going from her to Allen and the Earl.

" _Come on"_ He whispered, indicating Allen with his eyes. "The Innocence is back to normal. Now. While we can."

It was as if Raz realized it only after he spoke.

There was no victory to be won here.

There was only loss of freedom they had kept until now.

Answers weren't worth that.

Her hand grabbed Johnny's firmly. Slowly, she approached Allen, watching for the Earl as she held his wrist, pretending she was trying to hide behind her friend. After long trainings, they knew how to use their abilities together with no harm coming to either of them.

The Earl, staring at Allen, didn't seem to notice it.

"Mana D. Campbell was Mana Walker, of course…" He could be speaking to himself and stepped closer to them. The insanity once released was hidden once more.

Someone was approaching. Allen and Raz heard a voice they had heard before in their minds.

"Oh, would you take a look at this _mess_?"

" _Roof."_ Raz whispered to Allen's ear, covered by the mutterings of the Noah Patriarch. Waking up, Allen looked from her to Johnny, feeling shadows under his feet waving and held her. Johnny had a moment to hold closer to Raz in instinct. The Innocence wrapped them. A hurricane of white and black threw them on the air as straps held on a firm place on a roof. Shadows came from the floor as demons, pushing them up for impulse.

As they went up, two figures stood near the Earl.

"Don't you two ever think about stopping and _talking?"_ A man of grey skin and white hair raised his voice as he saw them escaping.

"Talking, perhaps playing cards, recall the past?" Tyki's voice followed them as a snake and after a second, there was a laugh from Wisely.

" _Or who knows, speak about your_ friend _? Redheaded, green eye, now what was his name again? The brat Book-boy and the old geezer…"_ His voice pierced the minds of Allen and Raz once more. The boy seemed about to turn back, being held by Johnny who forced him to start running.

"No."

"But…"

Johnny hadn't heard the Noah's voice, but he knew better and Allen understood there was no choice. Yet, it couldn't be… Lavi? _Captured_? Johnny had told him about it, but there hadn't been confirmations and he hadn't expected to hear the _Noah_ saying so.

He bit the flesh in his mouth. It was the deal with the Third all over, when the Earl promised to stop the transformation of Tokusa and the others if he joined them… And Fo's words came back as well. Saving someone wasn't simple.

" _They are still alive…"_ The Noah went on in conversational tone, though feeling the boy's mind. " _Bookman knows some details of the Fourteenth. See how he never told any of you, even if they kept acting as your comr…"_

"ENOUGH _! DO NOT TOUCH OUR MINDS AGAIN OR I SWEAR TO_ GOD _I'LL BREAK YOU APART FROM INSIDE OUT!"_ Raz's voice echoed in Allen's mind as well, giving birth to dread in each nerve. _Never_ had he heard her sounding like this. It sounded more as if the worst blizzard, constant and implacable, suddenly had gained voice of its own after silencing so many others. She had the grey skin and golden eyes, but Allen doubted she had noticed her own change.

There was a second of silence. Wisely sighed.

" _I'm just informing Walker of it, Raz, that's all."_ They felt a kind of smile coming from the Noah, with warmth and care, which was more disturbing than comforting. " _You reacted more or less like this the first time I used telepathy with you… Actually, you were even more_ bothered _than this, but then again…"_

There was a curious sensation then, almost of something that could be an attempt of comfort, not unlike someone pulling a friend to his arms and petting his back or head. Then the connection that Wisely had created closed, to the relief of both. Johnny had noticed their silence, but was too caught up in not fall as they ran over the roofs, aware he could make questions later.

Back in the ruined street, Wisely turned to the Earl.

"Is that really alright? To just let them leave?" It wasn't something they would do normally.

The Earl looked at the direction the three had left and started to clean his coat of the dust. To feel Neah like that had pierced old mental corners he had thought he had under control. Raz's presence, someone who he had believed to be dead since years, and Apocryphos being nearby… It all had made a force that pressed a critical point and shattered his control.

The vision of now, that memory, wasn't of any help.

He had waited so long to see those two again and now, this had ruined all…

However, now that the was thinking about it, he had been silly in not reflecting more on the subject and realize in a more _conscious_ level that Mana D. Campbell and Mana Walker were the same person and the implications of such fact. He had always believed that Mana changed _his entire_ name as he ran (in one of the few occasions he had met him, he was under the name Alex Willow) and Mana wasn't a _rare_ first name…

Honestly, by the time he had met Allen, he believed Mana D. Campbell to be already dead…

Allen Walker, son of Mana D. Campbell… Curious how certain things happened. Had Mana known the boy was Neah's host? Not even he had felt so when first meeting him and Mana had been just human, shouldn't be able to feel such things, but then again, he was Neah's brother…

" _Brothers. Twins…"_ The words echoed in him and, regarding those two, ringed with sadness…

"Let them go today…" He decided, thought reluctantly as he straightened his coat. It was rumpled and dirty and as he hit in one of the sleeves to get free of fragments of brick, he almost could feel the sensation of Raz's shadows holding him. Now, with his mind a bit clearer, he realized she had hesitated…

She had forgotten all, but there were memories that lived in blood. This was some sort of comfort… Despite standing up against him (well, it was forgivable due to her state and how she was protecting Walker, who was technically a Noah as well), he knew she had been afraid.

" _Well, it didn't go at all like I had planned."_ The Millennium Earl was aware part of this was his fault and how his excitement had broken his control. Damn. Taking a breath, he reflected about what they should do now.

"Any message from Jasdevi?"

The white-haired Noah shook his head.

"Fiidora says he hasn't received any report." Tyki told, sounding disappointed with how things were going too and how the boy and the girl had escaped. He also wondered what exactly had happened: The street looked like it had been hit by a hurricane.

"I don't believe that rotten Innocence will be caught so easily…" The Patriarch went on, thoughtful. Innocences were hateful, but Apocryphos was a true curse and also a league of his own. "But if we manage to hurt him, at least a little, we may have a clue of who the Heart is… They are our true targets."

**XxX**

Kanda's head throbbed and he floated in his own thoughts as his brain made its way back to reality. He was lying in a no end street, without having an actual idea of how it had happened… His mind felt empty until the memories started to come back.

What had exactly happened?

He was on his way to… To… He had been going somewhere, right?

Yes. The others, the Moyashi and Gil had seen the marks on his arms and concluded it had been an initial state of the transformation into a Fallen One.

" _You're an Accommodator of Innocence, you can't stay away from the Order."_

True, true… And he… Oh, it was logic, wasn't it? The Moyashi and Johnny hadn't wanted that to happen, but… To know that the brat was fine hadn't been enough? Hadn't that been why he had decided to go back to the Order to get Mugen?

He felt an itch in his arm, under his flesh.

" _That's for your own good."_

Of course, the stupid Moyashi would say something like that, the moron. Kanda knew they were right and had ended up agreeing, saying his farewells… Heh… He had never thought that someday he would think the Moyashi was right. Not that he would ever admit this out loud.

" _Well, I escorted Johnny to him safely, I did what I wanted. That idiot needs someone like Johnny with him anyway."_ There were some people ahead, but Kanda wasn't interested in them. However, this thought of his just now felt weird… It was as if he was leaving something behind.

" _No, no, I haven't forgotten anything. I fainted, that's all…"_ Probably. He should hurry up before the transformation went too far. A wave of warmth came through his body, running in his marked arm, as if to emphasize this.

Still dizzy of losing his senses, he almost felt there was something more among this sensation, but it was distant and weird. He ignored.

Besides, at least he had been sincere. He had told Allen Walker what he had meant to…

" _Thanks Kanda… Please, watch over the Order for me."_ He hadn't been at all surprised with this answer. What else would that idiot say, anyway?

He didn't want to go back, he…

But it was a request from him and Kanda had to be back anyway if he wanted to prevent the transformation. And at least now the Moyashi would be better, with someone who believed him, he would… No, wait, why he kept feeling that there was something missing?

He felt it in the corner of his brain…

What was missing?

His blood pulsated more this time, shaking him as some child holding the parent's clothing hem for attention. A voice broke his concentration.

"You let Mugen on the street, Kanda."

It was Tiedoll.

The man studied him with an unlikely serious expression as he started talking about how Lenalee and Marie could be placed under watch due to him having left without permission and just talking to them briefly. Kanda stopped listening slowly, the memories of saying goodbye to Johnny and the Moyashi becoming a jelly-like veil, too cold in his mind…

The warmth of his blood went to his brain.

_There was something more!_

And what was false melted in a needle of flames.

He _hadn't_ said goodbye to them.

He hadn't even told them about his arm.

And the _Noah,_ that was what he had forgotten, the _Noah was with them_ and the Moyashi had found people who had ran away from the Order! The fake memory had felt weird because it had the sensation of total unawareness of them, as if he didn't know them.

His eyes shivered with the nerves connecting them to the right place in the sockets, something pushing among flesh and blood and eye… There was no pain, but it felt disgusting. The seal also agitated his metabolism, as to heal a wound…

But what it was healing…

Then he understood. His body was pushing away a false memory, created by that white long thing coming out of his eyes… The pain of before, of that white thing wrapping his brain as a membrane, adjusting to the spaces…

He knew it.

" _This sensation… That man with glasses… He IS Innocence?"_ This didn't make any sense, yet there was no mistaking. He knew it from the time the Central tried to force the synchronization.

" _LEAVE ALLEN TO ME AND RETURN TO THE ORDER!"_ The voice ordered as it implanted that memory, with a voice that wasn't human. Controlling himself to not say anything, ignoring Tiedoll, Kanda turned to look at the street… The golden golem had been with him, but…

Then he saw. A small pile of black shards, as if carbonized… He still could make out the shape of the tail and one of the wings of Timcampy.

He wasn't regenerating.

" _Shit, such a thing and right now…"_ He picked the pieces, careful to not miss any and quickly shoved them in his pocket before standing when Tiedoll approached asking if he was okay.

Kanda grabbed his collar.

Someone screamed about a squad having found a street in ruins, the chance of it being due to akumas or Noah.

" _Fuck, now this? Damn it all to Hell!"_ The samurai cursed. Now that he had been found, he had the option of trying to escape by force or trying to evaluate the other routes he had. Without Timcampy, he couldn't find the Moyashi as easily… Sure he could be back to the inn. They still had the golem Johnny had, altered so the Order couldn't use it to follow them.

Despite the assault, Tiedoll laughed.

"You really haven't changed a thing, since you were a child!" He released himself, straightening his collar. That wasn't the reaction he had expected, much less when Tiedoll smiled. "It is good to see you again… Welcome back."

Indeed, Kanda hadn't met the General since months ago, even when he had gone back to the Order, he hadn't met him.

"It may seem like I'm on a mission to capture you Kanda. But… Know what?" He continued as if it was a harmless subject, of no worries. "My true intention is to protect my pupil. And for the looks of things…" He lowered his voice, his eyes behind the glasses with a twinkle that was more of a chess player than of the " _kind, grandfatherly master_ " people took him for. "You're involved in something quite risky, up to your neck on it."

At those words, the samurai took a deep breath as he thought about his next actions. If he managed to convince Tiedoll to pretend he hadn't seen him and give some excuse to the Central, very well, otherwise he would have to leave him unconscious. Problem was, then it would be clear someone had attacked him and it wouldn't be believable that it had been a Noah or akuma since they wouldn't have left the General alive.

Yet, he hadn't spent weeks after that white-haired _dunce_ just to leave him after three days.

Tiedoll scratched the beard, not showing what he truly thought of it before sighing.

"Kanda… This isn't going to work. And you know it. The Central lost all trust in you and you can imagine the punishment they may force you to, before "forgiving you", can't you?" The term was pronounced with some irony and quotations as both knew that Kanda, with his deep hatred for the Organization, couldn't care less in being forgiven by them, as a dog being punished by a master. "They won't buy any excuse and the Crow that were with me probably have informed them already that we found you…"

He knew what this meant.

There was no escape, no without the Order knowing he had been found.

They exchanged glances.

"I'll help you in any way I can, but I have a condition of my own…" He didn't wait. "You need to show loyalty to the Central. So, you need to become a General."

Kanda didn't believe what he had just heard.

Just the idea was so stupid that he would have considered it a poor attempt of being funny, if it wasn't for how Tiedoll, clearly, was being serious. Loyalty to the Order? Be a General?

_Fuck. That._

Tiedoll could imagine that his synchronization had reached a higher level than the Central knew, but couldn't he get in his head that he hated the Organization?

"Or… Don't you have determination enough to try entering the nucleus of the Black Order that you hate so much?" Tiedoll kept the conversational tone, while this is really the opposite. But he would rather provoke Kanda to make him understand… The Central wasn't stupid, he and Lenalee were until now the only Exorcists with Innocence that had evolved to Crystal type.

Not only that, they had no conditions of sacrificing or rejecting an Exorcist, let alone one of Kanda's caliber. If it wasn't for this (and if Kanda had crossed the lines the Central was willing to overlook back when he was a member) Tiedoll had a good idea of what they might decide to do.

Yet, they could still decide to do something and Kanda would be placed under observation.

And Tiedoll had always been protective of the members of his units, his pupils.

Kanda reflected his opportunities ahead, evaluating which would be more lucrative in the long run.

"Very well…" He said, raising his head. "But there is something I need to do."

**XxX**

"You should have come to tell us _at once!"_ Samuel hissed, though there was no need to speak quietly when the store's door was closed and, in the moment, there were no one there except them. At his side, Alison had her arms crossed and didn't seem at all pleased either. She kept still and not for shock at what he had told them, but rather out of being at the edge of her control: Her wish was to go out in search of Allen and Raz.

"There was no time." Kanda replied without a care, starting to grow impatient. From where they were, Tiedoll couldn't see them and also looked distracted, standing outside the door and looking around, probably picking details of the city he wanted to draw later once he had some time.

"And you even brought _him_ here, what if he sees us?" Alison hissed between teeth, as if it was taking all of her control to not yell or worse, referring to the General outside. It didn't matter that she had never spoken to him or truly knew him, the only point was that he was of the Order.

That was enough.

Samuel had heard some comments of Cross regarding Tiedoll. While he seemed to be of a nice character, this didn't make a difference in the whole context. His whole body felt tense.

"And do you think I convinced him to stay outside for what?" Kanda asked in the same tone, searching his pocket to make sure there were no pieces remaining and stretched a small bag to Alison. It was a transparent bag, with only the store's name in a flourish blue writing. He had picked upon coming in and while it was meant for candies, he had used it to place all black pieces.

The young woman received it delicately, seeing the fragments. Her face softened a little… Some seconds ago, as Kanda filled the bag, he had told what those pieces were…

"Is… Is that really…?" She asked still quietly, though her voice had lost the edge of angry.

"Yes."

" _How will I_ tell _Allen?"_ Worry mixed with sadness in her, unable to even think how she would do so. She had never cared for the golems, pieces of machine they were, but it had just taken few days to see that Tim was different and also to see how Allen liked him…

For what Kanda had told them (as summarized as he could to not risk Tiedoll getting curious) he had found him as such. Could it be someone from the Order who had come with the General, like the Crows? An akuma? Both options were awful… But… _Why?_

What would be the purpose?

Three days again, after the Noah's attack, Allen had suggested they left, but she and the others had insisted in staying for just a week more… This was a decision Alison now fully regretted.

Wanting to finish that before Tiedoll decided to come in, Kanda carried on.

"Johnny showed me what he did with his golem so the Order couldn't track it, including the info. Once I'm back there, I'll do it with one and keep it." On another occasion, he wouldn't have even _cared_ about something like this, but he knew they would need a way to communicate. Plus, he had to tell the idiot Moyashi about that man of glasses that had tried to mess up his mind.

Samuel's eyes narrowed and Alison looked at him as if she hadn't heard.

"Go _back?"_

_"_ What are you _talking_ about?"

Among the things Kanda _hated_ one of them was explaining, so he rolled his eyes with a groan.

"I can't tell everything now, but it's not like I have much choice. Talk to the Moyashi, then I'll get in contact when it's safe." He saw how Alison's green eyes studied him. If they didn't believe him, that was their problem.

"I won't say anything about you, don't be _stupid."_ A part of him would have liked of being able to put that moment away, not having to go back to that place, but it was better to end this soon, so he gave his back to them.

"Take care, Kanda…" Samuel muttered as he watched the man leaving. He had come by to check how Alison was doing in her job when she had seen, through the window, some men with the Order's clothing. They had at once hid behind a wall in the store until Kanda had came in, starting to tell them about how Timcampy had been destroyed and was now saying he needed to be back to the Order…

His black eyes went to the little bag that Alison held in her hands (though it was small enough to be held in one). No matter how he looked, Timcampy didn't seem to have been destroyed in what one could call "normal" way.

"Ready?" Tiedoll asked, seeing Kanda leaving. With the corner of his eyes, he spied the window of the showcase with some toys and trinkets, getting a glimpse of a definitely feminine figure in the end of the store, unable to see anything but a long grey braid.

"Oh, Kanda! Did you get a _girlfriend?"_

Both knew that, if it had been anyone else saying so and under different circumstances, the answer would be a well-placed stab of Mugen, but the samurai just rolled his eyes.

"Try to not say so much nonsense. I owned money here, that's all."

**XxX**

Johnny and Raz watched carefully each direction they took as they came down the roof, almost being seen by a group of people that seemed from the Central on their way back to the Inn.

As soon as they got there, Johnny had sent his golem to call the others with a message, as they divided their time now by packing up their things and taking care of the wounds. The pieces of concrete and brick had hit them several times, some cutting skin, not to mention that they were exhausted. Allen had a nasty wound in his head and the shoulder of when the Earl had hit him against a wall. Raz had a cut on her leg and back and Johnny also had cuts. All of them already had bruises in formation.

Johnny wasn't as used to it as Raz and Allen (not that anyone actually got used to this, of course), but he didn't say anything, just smiled as he helped.

A bang sounded like a shot as the door was slammed open, revealing a panting Elana, with her blonde hair messed and pale as a ghost. Her eyes ran over each of them, inspecting also the room as if trying to make sure all was in place. The way her honey eyes sharpened in the usual kind face made them almost yellowish.

"Elana…" Allen started carefully, sure that the girl (like the others) hadn't liked to know that the Agents of the Central were in town and that the Earl himself had attacked. The blonde raised her hand, index finger up in a clear signal that he should be quiet.

"You… _Insane…_ I should… You…" She barely could speak and seemed about to hit someone. It didn't matter if it would be Allen, Raz, Johnny, the three of them or anyone else. "Lauren went to fetch Samuel… But _honestly!"_

Her eyes weighted on the three of them like fires from hell.

"You all better tell me _exactly_ what happened, _do you understand_?" The woman hissed as she went to help packing up, never stopping staring at them and Allen felt a little shiver… He had never seen her so _angry._ He almost felt like a child being lectured by his mother (not that he knew the sensation). He gave a side look to Raz, who had been very quiet after mentally screaming at Wisely… Now, back to a human appearance, she was folding a coat and when Elana stared at her, her eyes went to the floor in child-like shame…

Allen wondered how meeting the Earl had been to her.

In the moment, Allen wasn't at all worried in finding his old circus or the threat of the Noah… Even Apocryphos, though a serious matter, wasn't the focus of his worries.

If what Wisely had said was true, Lavi was still alive and with them, along with Bookman… He approached Raz, muttering quietly as Johnny tried to explain what had happened to Elana and how they hadn't had time to call on them, especially since Timcampy had disappeared.

She looked strictly at him as she heard.

"Do you think Wisely was lying?"

Raz turned to him, not answering at once.

"I… I don't know… But I don't think so." She pushed a clothing in the backpack, sighing. "I don't know, but… It's not just that I feel he isn't, but… Something in the way his telepathic powers work…"

Allen thought he understood. There was something in that weird channel through which words slithered to their minds that made him feel like the Noah hadn't been saying anything close to a lie.

" _Perhaps… Perhaps that's it. It's a_ mental _communication, how can you lie in your own thoughts?"_ You could _imagine_ a lie, form it with words, but the brain knew it was that: A lie.

In any case, Allen was sure of one thing.

He wouldn't just forsake Lavi and Bookman to their own fate.

* * *

 

**Wolf: Well, I'm not sure if people will either like or dislike this.  
**

**Kanda: Dislike.**

**Lavi: Hey, I like it. It means I'm finally going to appear here?**

**Wolf: But you did appear already...**

**Lavi: A cameo to show I was in a world made of nothing but pain and agony? Geez, thank you...**

**Wolf: ... Details.**

**Tyki: Can we please stop letting the boy escape? That was stupid! They were right there.**

**Wolf: They did. Plus, there is the emotional shock from the Earl to consider and you were more interested in using them as bait, anyway.**

**Earl: Sorry, dear, those excuses are quite dumb.**

**Wolf: ... Do check my deviantart account, guys, there are some pics of this fic and others. And remember, reviews means a lot to me, I wonder what the readers think will happen (or hope it will happen). Critiques are also welcome!**

**Kanda: She isn't really a smooth or subtle one, is she?**

**Lavi: Lost cause.**


	20. Act Twenty – Remains of Hope

_"_ _Trust dies but mistrust blossoms_ _" - Sophocles._

There are some events that, as much as they can't be denied, can take a while to be processed as if the human mind, in an attempt of self protection, blocks the comprehension and as such, rejects that the event in question may be part of an acceptable concept.

That was more or less how Allen felt looking at the little transparent bag that Alison had given him.

"Kanda gave it to me…" The girl muttered, fighting to not lower her gaze. She had never minded Timcampy much, he was just "around"… However now that she had had to hand it's remains over to Allen and tell him of what had happened, for the first time she realized that Tim hadn't been just a golem and it was a needle in her being, as realizations that come too late are. The words got stuck on her throat and she had to force herself to say "He… He said he found Tim like that…"

A shake of her head.

"He didn't know what happened…"

Allen still didn't answer.

He just stood there, looking to the transparent bag of black shards.

Then, as slow as a dream, he reached out. His fingers wrapped around the bag with nothing but gentleness, feeling the edges of the fragments so small and that, despite hard, held a sort of fragility to them, not unlike bones of a baby bird…

His stomach turned at the touch, yet he didn't let go… Perhaps the thought of bones wasn't unfitting… He had never truly understood Timcampy completely. He changed sizes and ate (despite not truly needing nutrients as far as Allen was aware) and his behavior had always been more like that of a living being than the amount of gears and screws that were the golems of the Order.

"I'm sorry… I really am." Alison muttered in a whisper, hating the uselessness of the words. She always did.

Allen remained in silence, the black shards in his hand before he held it close to his heart, almost as if he wanted to hide them from the world.

There was a warm touch in his shoulder. His nerves knew this hand, knew this touch and the flesh underneath relaxed a little, aware it was Raz in a clumsy attempt of comfort and neither of them had need of exchanging glances to share the loss or to communicate what lurked in their hearts.

Taking a deep breath, he looked to Alison and Samuel with a weak nod of gratitude as his fingers closed more around the bag as if wishing his touch, somehow, would help the little creature to regenerate.

" _The Master would know what to do…"_ The thought came out of control. And it was true, Cross _would have known_ how to fix Tim, right?

It was one of the rare occasions when he wished he knew where Cross was or how to get in touch… If at least he were still alive…

"Did… Did Kanda say _why_ he was going back to the Order?" Lauren asked with a small voice, not knowing for sure how to act or make questions with the current atmosphere, thought the answer was obvious. Yet, she wanted to go on with the subject (any subject) as they left the room, paying attention to anyone who might look like someone from the Order or of the Noah Clan.

"No, but there was General. Tiedoll." Samuel told them. "According to Kanda, he had no choice" He couldn't say he believed that or not, even if the samurai up until now had given a vibe of… Well, he wasn't sure if "loyalty" or "friendship" were the exact terms, but Kanda at least hadn't given him the impression of being someone who would denounce Allen to the Order. Or them, for that matter. On another hand, one didn't spend years hiding from the Organization and just gladly accepted that someone who knew about them was going back there.

As if aware of his thoughts, and of how unpleasant the news were, Johnny said.

"Kanda won't tell anything to anyone…" He knew that, in Allen's case, that wasn't all that made the bitterness of the news: Allen had wished too much for Kanda to be free and now the samurai was going back anyway. It made everything regarding his escape and Alma feel empty of any value… "And he did say he would get in touch, right?" His own golem was inside his coat to not draw attention and he had taught Kanda about the frequencies and what had been done to the golem during the days they had been searching for Allen and Kanda had asked about it out of boredom.

"What's the plan now?" He asked as they left the inn, Raz and Alison watching the streets pretending they were searching for directions. People passed by muttering among them about explosions and destructions, many seeming nervous.

No sight of anyone that resembled a member from the Order.

" _Calm city."_ Samuel reflected. " _We see it right away. They are not used to violence. Or if they are, perhaps stealing and robbery, but not the extremes like murders, let alone monsters and I don't know what else."_ Not for the first time, he felt somewhat saddened. Once, when he was younger and knew less of the gears of war, he had commented that he hoped to live enough to see the peace he hoped for becoming a reality.

Cross had chuckled.

" _You talk as if we were heroes of a story. Don't kid yourself, Kallen."_ The red haired had said lifting a glass of a wine, the young woman at his side rolling her eyes. Back then, Samuel had thought this had been due to what Cross had said, but afterwards he came to understand that it was more due to _how_ it was spoken, a little dramatic. " _It doesn't matter what side we are, in the end we also bring nothing but destruction."_ That day, Samuel hadn't understood what the man that would become his friend had said… Today, it was easier for him to see from his point of view. Yes, they were protecting humans. But even so, there were times when innocents got hurt. And well, no matter the objective, their acts were destructive all the same…

And if they didn't do anything, people still ended up hurt. In summary, it was all a whirlpool of violence, affecting them and people who had nothing to do with it all the same. Perhaps the better term would be a spiral.

"I… I don't know…" Allen muttered, noticing they were all looking at him with something that wasn't too far from expectation and blinked. "What?"

Alison rolled her eyes, scoffing a laugh and Elana smiled gently.

"I thought you would try to save your friend?" Innocent question, but it made Allen's shoulders fall a little, as a child caught trying to steal cookies. "Oh, _honestly_ , Allen…"

It was too clear that this was what he wanted to do and you couldn't even pin this in his nature (thought it was). It was what friends did, actually.

They followed through the busier streets, concluding that members of the Order could try searching for Allen in quieter areas.

" _And it's also luck that we are all together."_ He reflected as they looked over the train station from afar, suddenly spotting a man with a yellowish Finder-like coat walking nearby the entrance and a person some steeps more away that would have looked completely ordinary if there wasn't for his way of standing and moving, which had a vibe they had learnt to distinguish: Of someone making a conscious effort to look the part. Or maybe, just like animals are able to identify beings of the same species, they could feel something about that man, since they had been part of the Order.

" _Klaud may have told about Raz, but they don't know about the rest of us…. So, they wouldn't expect a group…"_ Allen thought as he straightened the hood he was wearing to hide his white hair and looked over to Raz. She had been quieter since they had met the Earl and Allen knew her enough to see this wasn't her typical silence. He wanted to talk to her about it, but they had no time now and he couldn't think about how to start the subject with the several things wandering in his mind like bugs that refused to rest.

"Should we just go and take the risk?" Johnny half-suggested half-asked, giving voice to what Allen had just thought. "Perhaps they won't pay attention to a group…" Yet, he tried to reassure himself as his heartbeat increased… Even now, this was a pale fear compared to the dread he had felt when trying to carry Allen away from the Earl.

It had been the first time he had been so directly involved in a confrontation with the Noah, even the time the Order had been attacked didn't come close to this.

Raz had her gaze on the unknown man. The entire storm in her found a line to follow: That man was a member of the Order. With this, he became a focus. Even if he wasn't an Exorcist, it didn't matter and an arrow cut the storm as the desire of attacking was born in her nerves.

It would be so _easy…_ And in this, there was a temptation with the taste of chocolate, spiced with blood. She could cast shadows in his eyes to blind him, hold him and now the Noah wondered just how many ways she could attack and hurt until his body finally gave up life (or until she got bored with the game, most likely).

She wanted to do it.

She wanted to rip him open, leave his blood free to flow as she listened to his silly pleas for mercy and then death while his body refused to comply. She wanted to see his organs working, wanted to play with the limits of how much pain his nerves could sustain until they stopped working, once the limit between life and death was reached…

It sounded fun.

And funny, too. The idea of someone being cut by _shadows._

A shiver ran up her spine and it cut her thoughts, making her realize their nature.

" _God, please, help me…"_

"I'm not sure I like it…" Lauren muttered, almost to herself. "But we can't just stay and wait."

They exchanged glances. Even if the entrance to the station was large, those men had been trained by the Order. An attempt at distraction, such as explosion or anything of the sort wouldn't have the desired results either, it would be too obvious.

There was no choice but to hope that they would be too focused in spotting a white haired boy and a girl, in such way that a large group would be easily dismissed.

Upon entering, as far as the spot the man was (they couldn't see his face, except for brown-almost-black hair), Allen stood in the opposite side so if the man looked at their direction, he would probably be hidden by Samuel, Elana and Lauren. Johnny was at his side as Raz and Alison stayed some steps behind, watching for the man if he seemed to have noticed something or to be curious about the group.

Were their steps this slow or the path entering the station too long?

No one spoke. Raz and Alison took care to not look too much to the (probably) special agent Crow. People used to feel when they were being too observed.

People passing by them had cold auras.

Even when they were in the line for the tickets, there was no sensation of peace or safety. Allen needed to hold his hands, to stop them from going to his hood, feeling as if he had a thousand eyes over him. Any person around made his nerves tense as wire and he almost expected someone yelling his name at any second, trying to hold him.

He had thought the first time he had escaped some Crows, months ago, that it would be worst one and that afterwards he could (perhaps) get used to it… And had just realized how wrong he had been.

There was no way to get used to this.

His eyes went to Elana and she must have seen the nervousness in him, for while she tried to give a smile, the corners were stiff and shivering and he knew she was just as tense as him.

"Calm…" Johnny whispered at his side, spying carefully to the man in yellowish coat and the other who was a bit further away, but the latter was out of the view. "It will be okay". Both could see Alison and Raz standing away, Alison pretending she studied a board with info about trains and destinations as Raz looked around as if waiting.

For a moment, he wondered if the Noah wouldn't end up killing those men if they saw them, but kept the idea inside. He felt he shouldn't ask this.

"How he didn't notice?" The Noah whispered.

"I'm not sure…" The other replied, turning as if searching for directions, actually observing people near the line Samuel and the others were. "But when a person is focused in finding something _specific,_ they may not notice others. To our luck" Honestly she hadn't been sure this would work and had thought they could end up fighting. Even now, the sensation of something bad hadn't left her.

" _Please, let it keep up, let no one notice us."_

Johnny observed the Noah with the corner of his eyes, soon averting his gaze as if the mere vision of her was venomous. For Allen, he wanted to get used to her, but he couldn't control remembering of the Noah laughing as Alma wakened, of the white-haired Noah saying how they had no mercy for humans, the feeling of lines forcing his members to move as a puppet and the Earl, whose softness of his voice could be sincere as he told Allen to leave the Order…

He took a deep breath, pushing that away.

The boy at his side shivered suddenly and held his arm. Underneath the sleeve and glove, it was possible to see the flesh throbbing and the fabric moved as if trying to hold a living being.

" _No, not_ now _!"_

"I'll go near the platform!" Allen whispered with urgency, indicating his arm with his eyes, even though there was no need. Samuel looked around with ferocious eyes as Lauren whispered.

"Apocryphos?"

He nodded. If that creature was in the station, all he could do was walk away and try to lose it until they got in the train and left.

Johnny swallowed. In the hotel, as they got things ready, Allen had told him about the Innocence and how he had run off not to escape Johnny, but because he didn't want to put anyone in danger especially after that being had killed Link. Johnny had never ever heard of an independent Innocence. Allen's description was more of a demon.

"Don't worry, I'll just walk nearby." The station was huge, some paths to the train platforms more crowded than others. He could only hope that Apocryphos would have difficult to find him with so many people around and even more since the feathers he had left in his body had long ago be tore off by Raz.

"We'll go with you." Lauren decided, but Allen shook his head. The girl looked annoyed and about to say something when a family passed by, chattering happily and Allen started to follow them close enough as a son who wasn't enjoying the trip, while still keeping a distance so they wouldn't be bothered. Johnny gave the others an apologetic look and followed. He kept a distance so Allen wouldn't be zapped and watching around for anyone.

"You know what? I really _fucking hate_ this habit of his!" Lauren muttered, to which Elana looked at her somewhat surprised at her swearing as she took off after Johnny, since Allen had already disappeared in the crowd. Elana sighed. They all knew Allen didn't want to endanger them, yet this didn't make his attitude less annoying.

When you were walking in a crowd and wanted to remain unnoticed, it helped to be a scrawny teen. The only downside was his scar and so, Allen kept his head lowered just so enough so he could still watch out. Some steps away, Johnny and Lauren followed and he realized they were doing the same…

Feeling somewhat lighter inside with this, he stopped near the way to platform seven and hid behind a large column, sitting down as he kept holding his arm, thanking it hadn't entered a full brute state or ripped the fabric of his sleeve.

"Does it hurt, Allen?" Johnny asked as he came closer, recalling how he had found him fighting the possession of the Fourteenth and imagined if this was something of an alike nature.

Allen still tried to smile.

"No… It feels weird, but…" It wasn't something there were words for. His arm still throbbed and he almost could see white points in the glove and wrist. Something inside him was a wild bird that had just woken in a cage and send waves of nervousness in his own nerves. He could feel it, yet the sensation didn't truly come from his own emotions.

" _It was my luck that Raz took Apocryphos' feathers out…"_ He thought, aware that otherwise he would be feeling the agony of that night again now tearing his nerve endings and Apocryphos would be able to pick his localization far easier.

As if his memory of the Noah gouging the feathers with her own hands, which had been tattered in the process, was a calling he heard a muttering.

"What is going on?"

It was Raz.

"You should be with Alison." Allen replied, still holding his arm, to which she seemed exasperated.

"She joined Elana and Samuel. We saw you walking away." She turned to Lauren and Johnny. "They already headed to the platform, we should…"

"I felt Apocryphos, I didn't want him to find I'm with you guys." Allen explained as he stood up, to which Johnny shook his head.

"Even so, Allen… It's the same thing you did earlier…"

The three of them kept looking at him and Allen avoided their eyes. He knew it was true, but he didn't think they understood it… They had never seen Apocryphos or felt that thing trying to absorb them.

He was afraid.

For himself and they. He would rather have the whole group being angry with him, but alive and not known by that thing.

"I just…"

The flesh in his arm seemed to dissolve, nerves in a seizure.

They had been distracted for too long.

Turning left, Allen was aware of what he would see no matter how he wished it wasn't so.

He was at some steps away, just enough to be considered a safe distance (though Allen didn't consider anything safe about him) and also enough so they could talk without having to raise their voices.

Glasses with lines that almost reflected the light. Serene and docile eyes. A smile.

Allen saw fake eyes, stolen from a living person and forced in the flesh of a corpse, skin covered in wax, the corners of the mouth pulled to form a smile.

Link's face blinked in his mind and he stepped closer to Johnny. The area where they were was one of the emptier ones and the people passing by saw nothing wrong and were far more concentrated in their own lives than what happened around, unaware of the creature disguising as human.

Johnny stood his ground with Lauren as he saw the man that looked like a cardinal he had seen once around the Order. It meant then he had always been there, always watching…

For how long?

"C'mon, c'mon… I didn't come to do anything today, Allen… Just talk, that's all." The creature raised his hands, in a gesture of someone showing that he's unarmed as his eyes remained only on Allen, as if nothing else mattered.

Meanwhile, Raz was taken by the same sensation of the first times she had been exposed to Innocence: Something that took over every vein, sense and nerve of her body on in its way, born and made of a mix of emotions. After her time with Allen and training, self control was possible, but now…

The flesh in her hands trembled as if aware this was the same being of the feathers that had cut her back in that night. Her eyes were on him, unaware of the cold loathing they showed, overflowing as her body was unable to keep it. And the desire to see blood, to rip flesh apart with her own hands was all she knew in that moment.

Focused on Allen as he was, Apocryphos didn't take notice of the other three. After he had been attacked by some Noah, while he had been hurt, had escaped and decided it was better to make sure the boy was alive and well. Seeing him after so long, feeling his Innocence still there and how he hadn't let himself be taken by the infection of genes of Noah filled him with glee.

"Oh, Allen." He muttered softly, almost as if to not scare him away. "You keep fighting this parasite Noah. I knew you wouldn't give in!"

At that moment Neah _was_ awaken in Allen. His conscience still oscillated weakly and the feeling that came from Crown Clown had echoed in Allen's body and alerted him as well. To hear that thing speaking made him cold with hate. _Parasite?_ That creature didn't know a thing, did it?

He would have loved to take control now by force, but fought against the impulse. This wouldn't help and could end up damaging Allen's body.

In his turn, to hear pride in Apocryphos' voice made Allen's stomach turn. Maybe it was because he knew what lurked under a human skin, but he couldn't bear looking at him without a fury he hadn't ever felt before.

"You killed Link." No accusation, it was a confirmation. "Why?" He didn't mention Apocryphos' supposed decision to leave him alone today (not that he believed). Cross had been friends with Neah, so this was probably the reason behind his attack, but why would he kill Link?

Apocryphos understood what the problem was and tilted his head. Always so protective of others, even when it was just an imbecile who merely followed Levelier's orders and didn't care at all for him. That was just one of the reasons why Allen was such a splendid Exorcist.

Allen felt his mouth dry. Despite wanting answers, he could only hope Apocryphos wouldn't dare to attack in a place with witnesses. He felt Johnny holding the hem of his sleeve and pulling to the side slowly as he risked a step.

Allen knew. If he managed to distract Apocryphos by talking… They could risk running…

It was the only chance…

"A sad necessity. I know how it must have been awful for you to hear about it, but there was no choice. And today…" The boy didn't know that Link wasn't dead and he saw no reason to tell otherwise. What good would it do, anyway? Yet, he would investigate later if the blonde remembered him and if he had told anyone.

Oh, well, better to kill him anyway.

"When I found your golem, we made deal." He explained, aware that Allen didn't trust what he had said. "I promised to leave you be today, I just wanted to see if you were alright. I do keep my promises, Allen. _Always."_ He backed a little away without moving from his spot, so he wouldn't look threatening and saw his words had had the desired effect: Surprise replaced anger and he hoped Allen had understood. "And I'm sorry for this Allen, I am. But that thing was created by Cross Marian, as a gift to that Noah. It wasn't loyal to you, it would have betrayed you. I did it for you, for your own good…"

Allen felt as if someone was shaking his nerves, the small bag with Timcampy's remains in his pocket heavier now and the caring tone of Apocryphos disgusted every fiber of his being.

_Damn him._

His hands clenched into fists, hating how he couldn't attack. Still, he took another step aside, but Apocryphos eyes followed the movement…

"Now, now, I know you must be very upset…" The creature smiled almost paternally as he looked over his shoulder and saw Lauren and Johnny for the first time. He blinked. "Oh, I did think he had gone to search for you. See, Allen? He was _worried_. I was too. And the Heart is worried too, so worried…" Allen noticed the feverish look in his eyes as he started to babble.

But then, for the first time, Apocryphos noticed Raz.

"If even people who don't… Understand… About…" His smile melted, the words that had started to gain strength died. Allen wasn't sure he would be able to feel a Noah, he hadn't ever heard of someone who could, but Apocryphos was different.

Raz sustained the stare, not bothered when comprehension came to the Innocence's eyes, along with a new glint that was very different from the one of until now.

"Allen…" He whispered between teeth, loathe and hate revealing as worms in rotten flesh. Despite his still human appearance, Johnny and Lauren felt a wave of dread as they felt something about that shape, something under the human skin that mocked nightmares.

And whatever it was, it clashed with Raz's own stare, the cold that irradiated from her own hate. Two demons staring at each other, two creatures that could make all that you feared into a dream as they presented the true essence of what was deserving of fear.

Apocryphos turned his head to Allen in hard movements, showing teeth that seemed about to melt together as he still kept them in a smile, his eyes still.

"Why would you be walking with this _abomination?"_

Raz stood at Allen's side as if she had forgotten him or the others. Dread was in each of her veins as well, but she held on to the hate as a shield even if aware she wouldn't be a match to this creature considering what Allen had said. Blood, however, didn't hear to reason and it was alive with the desire of ripping apart the fake skin, show the creature underneath, tear it apart and feast upon its screams, its flesh…

Allen held her wrist when he saw her eyes and the desire in them.

They needed to run. Apocryphos seemed willing to honor whatever deal he had made with Timcampy…

" _He said he wouldn't do anything to_ me. _Not to_ someone _who is with me."_

"No. No" Apocryphos said, skin trembling loose over the muscles. "Can't. To associate with a _Noah_? You can't…" He spit the word as if it was used to refer to a blind thing that hid in the depths and fed upon rotten corpses that even the maggots wouldn't bear. "You're an _Exorcist,_ Allen. You shouldn't be with _that._ You can't, can't, wrong, wrong, wrong…"

Allen leaned towards Raz as he felt Lauren stiffen behind. He tried to hold her, to try calling her attention and show they had to leave as Apocryphos was distracted.

"Impure, detestable, murderers… Wrong, wrong. You're gentle, Allen, but they don't know what this is… Suman Dark learned this in the end, he did…"

His last words this time stopped Allen from running.

Suman?

His mouth felt dry.

"What are you talking about?" His muscles ached with being tense for so long. He ignored it. Johnny pulled his sleeve a little from behind, Lauren walked to his other side and pressed his shoulder with her own. Allen didn't move.

Apocryphos did.

In an instant, he held Allen's forehead.

Near as they were, Lauren, Johnny and Raz saw the flesh in the fingertips melting. The nails were gone. All was a white mass joining Allen's flesh. Veins spread in his forehead as roots.

"Let me show you. You will…" Apocryphos began, his palm over Allen's mouth so he wouldn't scream as he held Apocryphos' wrist, struggling. Something overflew to his mind, cutting connections to reality.

Something sharp came to Apocryphos' wrist.

His arm shook with the impact. Johnny had stabbed him with a knife, the blade deep in his flesh, not finding real bones.

"L-Leave Allen _alone_!" Johnny hissed. Apocryphos shook his arm to get free of that silly thing, still holding Allen. Johnny still held the knife in place, applying his weight.

He felt something on the other side of his body.

The Noah.

The Noah was there, a long black dagger in hand. He felt the essence of shadows piercing his body as a poison, flowing to him.

_How dared she!_

Yet, as putrid as it was, it was too weak. He attacked, the skin of his free hand melting the disguise. The Noah tried to avoid it, but he hit her chest… He held her knife, pulling it out as it faded into mist. Disgusting, putrid, grotesque…

He turned to Johnny, who challenged him with his eyes…

"HELP! GUN! MUGGING! POLICE!" The mocha-skinned woman shrieked.

Now people turned. A lady screamed. Others ran. Someone else cried for security.

Apocryphos backed off. With the sudden interruption in contact, Allen almost tripped before firming his legs.

"What mess is this?" Someone yelled in the crowd with authority. Apocryphos felt stabs in his feet. He saw blades of the Noah, who already ran with the other woman and Allen and Johnny.

Apocryphos growled to himself, fury threatening to dissolve his disguise. Not because Allen had escaped (he wasn't lying when he said he just wanted to check if he was fine), but due to the outrage of being attacked!

He would tear the organs of that Noah whore out for this.

The blades in his feet soon faded. He was Innocence and far stronger, but there was still a certain ache, too insignificant to be damaging, but still annoying. The disgust filled him.

"What is going on around here?!" A man, no doubt a security, asked behind him. Apocryphos' fist clenched as hate for the woman… He turned back, with a smile. All his being pulsated with hate for Noah as well and thinking that one of those things was with Allen Walker, no doubt infecting him with her rottenness made him sick.

Nothing of this showed in his features.

"I don't know, sir. I heard screaming."

He hoped he didn't have to resort to certain ways if this silly man insisted in something as interrogatory. After all, it was terrible when innocent people needed to be sacrificed.

**XxX**

Allen felt he was going to vomit. His vision went in and out of focus, the corner of his eyes being taken by a mist that soon covered them. He fell inside himself, almost as if slowly fainting.

The sound of voices around was intertwined by other voices that he couldn't tell if came from his mind or not. The concrete became earth and…

And the smell…

The smell…

_The smell of grass and plants was overtaking. Nothing surprising, once he was in a village near a forest. The house ahead was relatively big for this place, the walls with marks that indicated the passage of time._

_It was a poor-looking village, like so many._

_He felt something coming from that particular house._

_"_ What is that?" _Allen thought, not understanding what happened or what was that he felt coming from inside. His feet took him to the door, aware that there was no one watching him._

_"_ But how do I know this?" _Trying to focus, he realized his sensations were limited and there was no control in the movements. At each step, he started to feel where he ended and that body began, as a costume around him that had its own free will. He had never felt so strange, that was still beyond the moments Neah had taken over his body when he had been stabbed by Kanda._

_"_ Excuse me?" _His mouth (no, no, not his, he was just inside that body as a skeleton that didn't move) opened and honey voice dripped from it. The sensation got stronger, taking over in such way that he was just a mass, no bones or organs. There was something in this cabin that he… He… What?_

_He didn't feel cold or heat externally, it was more as if he felt those inside his body and it wasn't even that, but something no human had a name for._

_Two people lifted their heads. One was an old man of long mustache and the other a beautiful woman of black hair._

_"Oh, sir, good afternoon. What brings you here?"_

_There was someone lying down, over a small straw rug._

_If he wasn't as limited as he was, Allen would have lost his breath._

_It was Suman Dark._

_Hurt and tired, he barely breathed, a shadow of scrawny beard in his face that had a bruise, skin looking ill._

_What happened, Allen wasn't sure. He felt his arm stretching, fingers slithering snakes against those two people, who fell. He hadn't truly touched them, but his flesh had gone through their skins, mere membranes._

_A taste of puke came to him, in an elementary level and not from the body he was in. He kneeled at Suman's side. Allen wanted to struggle, stop that hand from approaching his face…_

_"_ Apocryphos, what have you DONE?" _He screamed inside himself. The hand lay over Suman's eyes, flesh of Innocence going through his eyes, invading the body and blood, going beyond bones or organs._

_"Oh, Suman…" His mouth said, words carrying to the man's body, a disease spreading. "What a deception. You betrayed your friends and what for? Allying yourself to a Noah… Awful, awful." The tone didn't change, but waves of cold disgust were all that existed in that body and flowed to Suman's. Something old, never stopping…_

_Then Allen felt._

_From Suman's arm, the blood and the nerve endings, something spread to his body too, with the strength of a newborn baby…_

_"I do this for the better." This time, the words were transmitted without a voice. Whatever there was inside Suman created a curious sensation… As if whatever it was, was trying to solidify and block something. Gentle, but firm._

_"He betrayed the Order. He made alliance with a Noah. He doesn't deserve you. Filth. Traitor." The whisper carried on, unchangeable. The sensation intertwined in Suman's blood was of indignation and it shrunk, coiling like a snake…_

_No… No, it was wrapping something…_

_Comprehension came to Allen._

_That was Suman Dark's_ Innocence.

_The Innocence of Suman was trying to protect him from Apocryphos._

_What it (She? He?) wrapped wasn't his heart or bones, but the_ existence _of the Accommodator. His sanity, his emotions, all that made Suman_ be _Suman… And it spread to the body, between flesh and blood to make an inner shield._

_"Don't waste your energies. See how weak you are. You deserve a worthy Exorcist, not a dog that would sell his friends" Allen noticed Apocryphos was getting impatient. The Innocence involved Suman with more firmness, a ferocious hug of someone refusing to let a loved one be hurt._

_"_ You… You wanted to save him." _Allen thought, feeling how the Innocence held on to her Accommodator almost in despair, aware she wouldn't be able to keep him safe. Images of a little girl, sick and fragile, fleshed in his mind along with that of a woman. They were warmer than a sun for someone lost in a cage, who had never known light._

_Love._

_Suman's daughter. Suman's wife._

_Apocryphos dismissed them, not blinking._

_"Traitor. Filth. Contaminated." He carried on and Allen hated him for how he hadn't even paid a thought, a moment to that woman and child._

_He pressed the Innocence, touch of needles._

_She resisted, tensing and standing all around Suman. Apocryphos didn't bother and pressed more._

_Allen wanted to scream, to stop, he didn't want to feel it was_ him _doing that, for he felt the waves of agony and despair from the Innocence flowing to his body as she pulsated with her own sun that she had for Suman, who was the focus of all, even if she was in pain._

_"_ STOP THAT!" _He cried uselessly. "_ YOU ARE _HURTING_ HER, YOU ARE HURTING THEM _BOTH_ , STOP IT!"

_Then his essence pierced the Innocence._

_Pain beyond all that he knew filled him, not unlike when Tyki had destroyed his arm. And he felt he was touching Suman in a way no being had the right to, making something flow to the man, whose body contorted, a paleness taking his skin as the flesh bloated and gurgled._

_All the time, he still felt the cries of despair coming from the Innocence, which weren't for the agony she was in, but for Suman. And something cut his eyes as Apocryphos stood up and left, not looking behind though Allen still felt Suman's Innocence…_

_Someone calling, at distance. He knew akumas would be here soon, he remembered what had happened that night…_

_The voice still called._

_At some point, he knew the Innocence was crying…_

_"_ You wanted to keep him _safe…_ You could only kill him because he was suffering, there was nothing more to do and you _loved_ him, you understood what had happened, his reasons, you wanted to help him, of course, Suman just wanted to see his _family_ again, he…"

A shock stuck his face.

Not understanding, Allen looked around. The air filled with the smoke of a hazel train ahead and Johnny looked at him, breathing heavily, hand still in the air. Allen touched the side of his face, which tingled with the ache of a slap.

"I'm sorry, Allen, sorry, but you were mumbling to yourself all the time…" He had managed to run with them to the platform, but being half-dragged, with a frozen glance and in the last seconds, words kept slithering from his mouth, too fast and low to be understood.

"We kept calling for you, but you didn't answer!" Lauren added frowning as Samuel looked over people's head, searching for someone who fitted the description of Apocryphos or the guys from the Order. Apocryphos didn't seem to be after them, but he could see some people of the Order asking others.

"Let's go, now." He said, holding on Allen's shoulder and pulling a little so they would go up the train now that the boy was in control of himself again, though he looked quite ill. "What was all that?"

"I… I saw something… A memory of him, I…" Allen tried to explain, soon covering his mouth as he tried to force the stomach to stop turning. His head throbbed too… It had been like when he had saw Apocryphos attacking Cross, but _worse_ …

"I thought he was…" Raz started, without a need of completing it. Allen interrupted as they searched for an empty cabin… He really needed to sit down.

"No, it wasn't like that…" Apocryphos _had_ kept his word, but the feeling of having something of him forced into his body (mind, in the case) was equally revolting. Sitting down, he rested his head on the back of the soft bank. "Are… Are you guys okay?"

He looked at Raz and Johnny and Lauren. Johnny was pale, but nodded.

Raz was fighting for breath. Allen recalled that night when he had first seen Apocryphos, he could remember his essence piercing Tyki's hands, his fist coming to him and Road placing herself between them, taking the blow for him and falling… Later, Tyki had placed her in his arms and for the first time ever, Road seemed hurt and fragile, not unlike a doll…

And she had faded in the night, disappearing.

"Raz, he… Are you…?"

"I'm fine… Don't worry." Seeing he didn't seem to believe and the others also looked at her firmly, she sighed. It hurt to breathe. "He hit me… But just by a little…" She had avoided the touch in time and it wasn't like what Allen had told about how Apocryphos had hurt Tyki and Road, however she felt her organs aching, poison in her blood. Not for the physical strength, but for touch of that Innocence. In the second he had touched her, she had felt a slice against her very being and the disgust that creature had for her and her kind.

And the feeling was mutual.

It didn't help the hate she still felt.

"Allen, what happened to you?" Lauren turned to him.

"I saw a memory of him… Of Suman Dark."

Johnny lifted his head to this.

"Suman?" He whispered. Allen hesitated, but nodded.

"The Innocence… She wanted to keep Suman safe" It felt a little weird to call the Innocence a "she". For what he had felt, it was a living essence, unbound by things such as gender or flesh.

He didn't look to anyone as he said so. Inside, the scream of the Innocence echoed and he wished he would never again feel something like that, to feel that pain and hear such screams as he pierced and touched someone in a way he had no right to…

No… It had been Apocryphos, not him…

Yet, the sensation remained.

"But… He turned into a Fallen One…" Elana started carefully, confusion clear in her features. "And well…" She tilted her head quickly, as someone indicating " _you know what._ "

"It was all that she… It could do. The one who actually turned him into a Fallen One was Apocryphos…" Allen went on quietly, more to himself than the others. "Suman's Innocence knew he wouldn't bear to keep killing people and tried to hurry it to spare him" And weak as it had been, it hadn't been able to protect him from the Teases either.

Allen shivered.

Perhaps it… _She_ had tried to kill him as fast as she could also so he wouldn't be devoured by them…

Apocryphos had done that.

Allen remembered that night, the man's pain and how he had had to ask him to bite his hand so he could take him off that white prison as Suman cried…

Apocryphos had done all that.

"Perhaps… That's why you didn't turn into Fallen" Realizing he had said that out loud, he turned to the others who wondered what he meant by that. "I mean, the Innocence is too strong, so when the Order tried to _force_ people to synchronize, they ended up turning into Fallen due to being unable to contain the Innocence power, but you… _We_ … Are Accommodators already. We…"

Lavi and the others had told him how Lenalee's Innocence had created a crystal to keep her safe after a fight in which her synchronization had diminished due to exhaustion. It had been low, but she hadn't turned. His Innocence had been destroyed and when he tried to synchronize, he hadn't turned either.

Their Innocences were theirs.

" _Lenalee's Innocence kept her safe. Like mine did when Tyki put that tease in my heart…"_

Maybe they did turn against their Accommodators when they betrayed God, he didn't know of other cases but Suman and the Order's experiences. But even if this was the case… Now that he thought, just because the Order _followed_ God, it wasn't the same. He didn't even know how close the Order was to the Church, now that he thought about it…

God was love and mercy. There was a difference between betrayal for selfish reasons and reasons like Suman's… Among all what he had felt, Allen thought there was some sort of comfort in knowing the Innocence had understood Suman. His hands closed in fists, nails against the flesh.

The face with glasses and soft voice came to his mind.

They stayed in silence for some seconds as they thought about what they had just heard. Johnny couldn't fully focus on Allen's theory of why the other Exiled hadn't turned into Fallen, but more on how Suman's Innocence hadn't turned against him. Even if members of the Order had died, many of them Exorcists, he couldn't hate Suman, just remember of him like the friend he used to play chess sometimes and who would talk about his wife and child…

Those were the rare occasions in which the mask of seriousness was tossed aside and Johnny could see how much he longed to see them again.

Not bearing those thoughts haunting the cabin like Tyki's black butterflies, Lauren tried to go for another subject.

"And those guys? Your friends?"

"Lavi. And Bookman." Allen said at once and the thoughts about Apocryphos lost the strength and his focus changed. A fire ran over his blood, pushing away the lethargy that the later discovery had caused.

Samuel kept his face calm, though a muscle shivered upon hearing "Bookman". Cross had told him about their "lineage" per say and he had no sympathies for them. At his side, Alison and Elana exchanged glances and the green-eyes girl sighed, sitting straighter.

"And does anyone have any idea of how we're going to do this?" Noticing Allen looking at her with some surprise, she smiled with sarcasm. That was really the reaction she had expected from him and Lauren giggled.

"Oh, here you go again. It's obvious you want to do something about it, I mean, duh!" She couldn't think even how they would approach this problem, whose ramifications and details were as many as the branches of a tree, yet there was some sort of excitement for her.

It had been long since they had had a true mission and the idea of a purpose besides traveling around hunting akumas carried something nostalgic. Dangerous and scary, yes, but somehow…

" _Perhaps Ali is right when she says I have a tendency to insanity. Not that she can say much about it, anyway…"_

"It will be too dangerous, I…" Allen looked to the others, feeling lost. As determinate as he was to save Lavi, truth was he had no idea of how to do it. First off, how he could even go to wherever they were? The localization could be the Black Ark and this was a complication in itself.

"Do you really think we would let you do it by yourself?" Elana asked kindly, smiling. "No offense, Allen, but… It's crazy." That was there no way how the idea didn't deserve this classification. She went on. "Besides, if you went there alone, you would be captured right away and you know it…"

Allen spied Raz by the corner of his eyes. The Noah had her head leaning in the glass of the window and just watched the conversation with what would have seemed a mask of indifference to others, but he could see the intense interest in her gaze and when she looked at him, he saw her support was with Elana as she raised her eyebrows.

They would do this together.

Elana was right and he knew it too… He wouldn't be able to help Lavi and Bookman alone. He felt bad for involving the others all in this, since the Exiled had nothing to do with them…

And yet, even all of their strength wouldn't be enough.

**XxX**

Frequently, one is able to feel when there are eyes on them, observing and evaluating and, depending more of intensity than quantity, creating pressure.

Kanda felt this in the depths of his nerve endings when he arrived at the Order, but didn't react. Even now, in front of the Generals as he stood near the table in the reunion's room, he didn't lower his head or showed any emotion.

"Yuu Kanda." A secretary standing said with no intonation, though Kanda could pick some curiosity in his gaze that, mentally, he compared to one of a vulture upon seeing a dying animal. The story of his reappearance, synchronization and evolution of Mugen and then leaving had spread as a fire from Hell and no doubt this brat was among those who would love to see what would happen to him, no matter what was.

The samurai then reported the exact events of his escape through the Ark, return and synchronization. He just appreciated how they skipped the exchange of amenities to go straight to the damn point.

Sitting with Lau on her shoulder, Klaud studied the black-haired Exorcist, pretending to be completely focused in what he said. As some of the rest, her belief was that he had gone in search of Allen Walker. Had he found him? Tiedoll had left with Agents of the Central to bring him back, but they hadn't heard anything about it and Kanda had followed them without resistance (which she betted it was a surprise to the Central).

" _And it doesn't mean Walker wasn't in the town."_ He and the Noah that was with him. If Kanda had found them, the chances that he wouldn't say anything about it were high. At least it was what she hoped for…

"Very well." Levelier commented as the secretary took his seat and turned to Kanda. "Do you mind informing us why you decided to leave right after coming back?" There were blades underneath the honey of his voice. Kanda kept his disdain, wondering if Link had come into contact with him. Even if this was the case, there was no solid evidence to the Inspector to accuse him.

" _No that it would make much of a difference to the Central."_ He needed to proceed with care. In the few hours of his return, he hadn't had time to talk to the others, but it had been easy to pick here and there fragments of rumors regarding the Moyashi and there was nothing positive about them.

"I spent too much time recovering from my injuries." He replied, still not lowering his eyes and fighting to keep a tone normal enough to not cause suspicions and polite enough to not be accused of insubordination. They would jump at any excuse here and Kanda knew the limits. "And even more in the journey back. I thought it would be best to avoid all bureaucracy and go back to destroying akumas."

"The synchronization with Mugen was perfect." Komui intervened, all his being assuming a posture rarely seen by others who had no access to those reunions. Gone was the excited man who liked to drink coffee and run away from work. Here was someone who seemed to care only for facts and who used the tongue as a knife. "It evolved to a Crystal type in the moment Kanda held it. Isn't it so?" The Japanese caught the clue and showed the marks on his arms. The veins were back to normal and so was his skin.

"I do believe this is proof enough that Yuu Kanda remains an Exorcist" The Supervisor carried on as if this ended the matter. Whatever had happened in the case of Alma's Awakening could be casted aside as the Central had no intention of risking losing an Exorcist such as Kanda, let alone one who had a Crystal Innocence.

If it had been anyone else, however…

Levelier just studied Komui for a second before his attention was back to Kanda. The Generals remained in silence.

"Even so, leaving right after coming back? What an interesting choice of action…" Levelier tilted his head with a smile of someone sharing a secret. "Did you really go off to fight akumas, Yuu Kanda?"

" _Oh, fuck off, Levelier."_ He replied mentally, wishing he could grab a sword and just shred that face.

"I have no patience to keep answering unnecessary questions and waste my time. I would rather just go back to something productive."

"Did you take care of all your particular business?" Levelier insisted, attracting a ferocious glare from Bak and Komui. Just the fact the man was slithering the subject even near Alma Karma was too much. Kanda, however, refused to take the bait. "So, you truly went to hunt akumas or you went in search of the traitor?"

At Klaud's side, Sokaro made a muffled sound (probably a sneer or chuckle). The woman studied Kanda for a signal and was unable to see anything. Contrary to Lenalee, he was more controlled and reserved in some of his opinions.

"Allen Walker doesn't interest me." It was one of the few occasions he revised the terms to be said. "He helped me to set Alma Karma free, yes, but this doesn't imply I have to follow him like a _dog."_

The several eyes landing on him were crows pecking the flesh in search of something deeper. To show pure uncaring towards the Moyashi was the safest route, but to avoid mentioning what had happened would be too suspicious when most of those present there knew the story between him and Alma.

He hated this. Couldn't they have respect at least for his memory, in the way they never had for his life?

"Regarding Tiedoll's proposition." Bak announced, turning to Kanda and advancing with the matter. "What do you have to say?"

The other didn't even blink.

"I don't think it changes a thing. I'll keep destroying akumas all the same." It was the best way to show acceptance to the General's spot that they would get and let them be happy with it. Accepting to infiltrate in the superior hierarchy of the Order didn't mean he would lower himself to lick someone's shoes with false gratefulness.

Komui kept a chuckle in his throat as a feeling of pride was born in him, mixed with relief at seeing that Kanda hadn't changed a thing. Observing Levelier with the corner of his eyes, he noticed the man had just lifted a brow and though this had been the Exorcist's reply, it hadn't surprised him either.

"I do hope that the evolution of your Innocence and your new position don't make you forget that you still have superiors, Yuu Kanda."

They stared at each other. Not looking away, Levelier sighed and turned to the other Generals.

"We'll have to revise the units and their members."

"If this is really necessary." Kanda intervened with a roll of eyes and a boring air. "I'd rather work with people who have been with me in missions before. At least I'm more used to stand them."

Levelier's eyes were unreadable as he looked to him.

"It would be for the best…" Tiedoll agreed, nodding. "My dear pupil has some social issues, after all." He spoke as affably as a father commenting his child's behavior to a teacher during a reunion. Kanda had to bite his tongue to not let out a comment of his own…

"In your old unit, you were with Noise Marie." Komui pointed and looked to the others. "And he has been in missions with my sister as well."

"She's of my unit." Klaud interfered, grabbing the chance. "If we're going to reorganize groups and Kanda is not longer in Tiedoll's unit, perhaps it will be good a total readjusting. Timothy is getting better, I suggest he becomes your pupil now." She told the painter, who smiled at the idea of being the responsible for the child.

"Please, why bother? Who cares who is in this or that unit?" Sokaro mumbled with exasperation, to which Klaud paid him no mind. She just thanked that Tiedoll was like he was, for she completely refused to allow a child to spend even a minute with someone such as Sokaro.

"Well, we must think about the people who get along better than others. It's essential so the missions will be successful." Tiedoll replied though Kanda knew part of his affirmation was not based in military tactics, but also in the simple fact that he had liked the idea. The brat would end up being called " _son"_ by Tiedoll.

" _Better him than me anyway. Though I bet the old man will keep calling me this no matter what…"_ Just the idea was annoying. There was a habit of his master that Kanda had never been able to comprehend, let alone accept.

In his past, _true_ life, he had been someone's son. But this body, the existence called "Yuu Kanda" had no father or mother.

_It_ didn't have anything.

"And you always said you would rather not have to deal with your own unit anyway, Sokaro…" Klaud kept a tone as professional as she could, head held high and eyes of iron. Still she had the others' attention as she showed the authority posture of a General.

"So, I suggest that Alistar Krory becomes part of my unit." She ended. Her reasons for this were not emotional at all, but she was sure of Lenalee's loyalty and the few interactions with Krory indicated the same about him, but Klaud would rather be sure before making decisions about her future actions.

Regarding Kanda… Despite all, he was another one she would rather observe until she was completely sure.

They were all in a dance, in a stage of glass shards and the least wrong step had a high price.

The samurai kept a dry comment. The vampire and Lenalee were two of the people who knew Moyashi and it would have been better if he was their General. He kept his eyes at some point ahead, acting as if all this was a bore as he wondered why Klaud Nine would make such suggestion.

"That Exorcist with the clock Innocence has been in missions with Marie also. They seem to work well together." It wasn't a suggestion.

"And Sokaro's unit?" Levelier asked, not showing approbation or denial. Behind the metal mask came the sound of a feline scoff and the General dismissed it with his hand.

"Spare me. If they want to keep their units or change them, whatever." To him, there was no difference. People were still members of the Order and having their missions and all that subject of pupils had always seemed useless to him, not changing anything in the entire picture and having no importance.

"Lavi and Bookman must be alive still." Tiedoll recalled them, noting how some people exchanged looks in doubt. "The Noah wouldn't be satisfied in merely killing them, they would have left their bodies to be found. We do have Agents studying the case and searching for them, as well."

Some seconds were spent in silence.

"Very well, then. Those will the new units." Levelier agreed with a nod.

Kanda still needed to answer some questions regarding his return and leaving. Once the reunion came to the end, he felt tired and annoyed. He had no patience for any of this and the more bureaucratic side of the hierarchic transition was, and there was no other term, a _pain in the ass_.

Upon leaving the room, Kanda soon saw Klaud turning a hallway and followed her, taking advantage of the empty place. It was night already and most people should be at the cafeteria or in their rooms.

"Why did you do that?" He asked immediately, to which the blonde turned to him without any interest and lifted a brown. The monkey at her shoulder tilted its head and let out a small sound.

"Specifically?" She was taller than Kanda, but when their eyes met, this made no difference.

"The change of units. You had no reason to, the Central would have take charge of it anyway." Besides, he had noticed that Klaud had suggested a complete readjust of all their units and the people who had had more contact with the Moyashi were in their groups, except for the rabbit and the old man, but they were missing and couldn't be taken in account.

Kanda doubted this was coincidence.

Klaud, on another hand, just watched him with her serious expression as she placed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I merely thought it would be best to have you working with people you can get along better to avoid future issues that may cause a headache to others." She almost completed that she liked Lenalee and didn't want to risk leaving Timothy with Sokaro as his General, but thought better of it. It would be more sensate to not go into details. Kanda's eyes pierced her with a way that made him look like a bird of prey.

Had he met with Walker or not?

She turned to go on with her way, stopping soon. She didn't want to go deep in some subjects, but there was a warning she couldn't keep to herself and looked at Kanda over her shoulder.

"Just one thing… I don't believe I have to tell you to be careful around Levelier?"

"How much of a fool do you take me for?"

Klaud almost smiled.

"Oh, yes. But it wouldn't be a bad idea to be careful around Sokaro either."

**XxX**

Considering the news of his coming back had already spread through the Order and the day had been long, Kanda decided to eat alone in his new room that, he had to admit, were better than the room he used to have.

Even with some comfort being offered, the position of General was a two-edged dagger: On a side, it was a good chance of infiltrating deep and search for info, on another, now even the air twisted his stomach with hand of ice.

Seated in his bed, he observed the cross-shaped marks in his arms. There wasn't a single sign of the abnormality of earlier. Was it because of his return? Had his Innocence been entering the first stages of turning into a Fallen?

But why he and none of those "Exiled"? Even the Moyashi's Innocence hadn't caused him any harm and not only had he left the Order as he was with a Noah inside him and even traveling with one. Certainly those were more aggravating facts that could make his Innocence leave him?

Nothing of the sort had happened.

Now that he thought about it, in the end he didn't know much of the transformation process and with this lack of knowledge, it wasn't easy to have definitive conclusions.

A tingle was born in his blood and nerves under the black marks and a shadow of idea ran through them until touching his mind, something made by a figure of image… His arm had been back to normal once he had met the General Tiedoll, however…

A low hiss vibrated in the empty room, breaking his focus.

It was the golem he had on his table.

"What now?" He mumbled as he picked it up. For an instance, there was just a buzz.

"Kanda?"

The voice was so whispered that, if he wasn't alone and surrounded by silence, Kanda wouldn't have heard it at all. He could only roll his eyes, _this_ wasn't unexpected and not even for this stopped being a risked action and, therefore, stupid.

"You dumb Moyashi, what if there was someone here?" It was the frequency Johnny had taught them to use so the Order wouldn't track them. Very good and useful, but considering he was right in the Headquarters, the lack of sense in this was clear.

"I thought you would leave your golem turned off when you were with someone around, get isolated and besides, it is dinner time…" He had guessed Kanda wouldn't have liked the idea of staying in the cafeteria with people bugging him, observing him and he had been right. And in this time, there were more chances Kanda wouldn't be bothered, too.

Kanda mumbled a "tch", indicating Allen had been right in all of this.

" _Has he seen Krory or Miranda? Has he spoken to Komui or Lenalee?"_ With his heart weighting and throat closing, Allen still tried to not send the thought away.

"How it was… To go back?" He kept a neutral voice, sitting in the bed of the inn, legs down and Raz sitting on the other bed, watching and listening. Johnny was on the upper bunker bed. Even after this long day, the shackles hadn't been broken no matter what they had tried in the train. It was almost admirable the durability of the Science Department's creations.

" _It would be more admirable if I wasn't the one who has to deal with them!"_

"How are the others?"

The question made Kanda roll his eyes. Yeah, he had been expecting this anyway, especially right at the beginning of the conversation and it was just the conscience this had nothing to do with polite amenities that made him reply.

"I didn't speak with anyone yet, but it seems things are fine… Until now I had to put up with a discussion about my " _promotion"_ to General…" He told with irony to which Allen chuckled a little, imagining his expression, probably of someone who had bitten something bitter. He could also imagine some people referring to this as an honor and receiving one of Kanda's patented dead stares.

Not that Kanda didn't have reasons for this. Even if Allen yearned to be back and see his friends, he wasn't blind to what had been done to Kanda… It wasn't fair he had to go back to a place he hated so much…

He was about to say something (what, he didn't know) when Raz leaned to the golem so the samurai would listen to her without her needing to raise her voice.

"Have you heard anything about us?"

Kanda didn't hesitate. In truth, he had heard fragments of what was being said about the Moyashi… He wasn't surprised with any of it. Some seemed to be convinced that he had already joined the Noah and this was why he hadn't been found. Another thing he had heard was that he had been a spy and this was why he had wanted to save the life of a Noah in the White Ark. And those had been the "nice" versions, he was sure.

While Kanda wasn't surprised, he wasn't about to tell this to the Moyashi. And the Noah girl had asked for facts, not pieces of senseless gossip.

"No, no one said a thing. Levelier threw his hints, but he has no proof and didn't touch the subject. So, no one has any idea of where the Moyashi is."

Sitting on the bed at the side of Allen's, Raz frowned and looked at him, both remembering General Klaud Nine. They _had_ asked Johnny about it, but he had left the Order while she was in mission and so, had no way of knowing anything. Regarding Kanda there was not even what to ask, since he had just passed by the Order to recover Mugen, not time enough to hear stories.

Now… That sounded weird. Why there was no one speaking of how Allen was traveling alongside a Noah or had interrogated Kanda about it? Surely Levelier would have been more direct if he knew of this…

"But…"

"Hey, Dumb Moyashi," Kanda cut him with his usual growl. "I'm _not_ in a mission, I'm in the _middle_ of the damn _Headquarters_ , so unless you have something important to say…"

"We're going to save Lavi and Bookman."

The next words from Kanda slowly died in his throat upon hearing this. It wasn't unlikely that the Moyashi would make a decision of this nature, but it didn't weaken the impact of the enunciation and the Japanese held the bridge of his nose as he rubbed his eyes, recalling the hangover sensation he had been suffering in the day he and Johnny had found the Moyashi and the Noah dancing as pierrots.

He had just been taken by a sensation that was too similar to his taste.

" _Wonderful…"_ He thought with sarcasm.

_"_ Do you want me to number all the problems of this idea in alphabetic order or to categorize them by steps?" He asked in sweet irony as he heard the other scoffing in impatience, though he could imagine that stupid smile of the Moyashi.

"The others agreed to go too. But we're not enough." To say they had " _agreed"_ wasn't the best term as Lauren had been firm and neither of them had given him chance to argue. Tired as he was of that day and aware that he would need help, Allen had made it clear that no one needed to take part in this and agreed they would discuss the matter in the following morning after he had spoken to Kanda.

Even now, Allen's exhaustion reached his bones. All he wanted to do was to tell Kanda what he needed, ask the necessary help and, please, try to _sleep_.

If he managed to, now that he imagined what could be happening to Lavi…

The samurai frowned and sighed, aware of what was being truly said here.

It _had_ to be a joke.

"Meaning, you hope I'll see here who wouldn't attack you the moment they saw you so we can all happily skip after the stupid rabbit." Kanda was quiet for some seconds to let the affirmation to root and growled. "Have you completely _lost your damn mind?"_

"Who wouldn't _tell on us."_ Allen corrected him, voice coming too fast. The idea even now was upsetting and he tried to avoid thinking about his friends looking at him with despise. He didn't saw Raz wiggling in her bed as if to make herself comfortable when she was actually thinking what his friends would say once they learned he was in the company of a Noah.

Taking a deep breath, Allen remembered Miranda, Lenalee, Krory, Komui and the others from the Science Department. No, he trusted his friends and if he needed evidence, all he had to do was remember how Johnny had told him, how they had wished luck in finding him…

Kanda, on another hand, thought again about the few things he had heard and how he knew there was worse going around regarding the white-haired boy.

It made him wonder if there was anyone there who still held on to their previous trust on the Moyashi. Where before there had been praise and trust, now there was despise and even disgust… The remains of frozen ashes when the cold is strong enough to kill any fire.

"And who would accept this. Lavi is our friend, so is Bookman." The seriousness made his tone become somewhat metallic. "We can't just leave them like this, Kanda."

Once more, his words just made the other's eyes roll with a sigh. Sure, of course he would rather have the involved knowing before hand in what they would be getting themselves in and so, have a choice in the matter or not, sure, touching, really touching, but sentimentalities wouldn't eliminate the issues, of which the organization of the group was the smallest.

"Kanda? C'mon, we can't do this alone…"

He was in silence. To go out of his way wasn't that like him unless it was a responsibility and a duty. People needed to learn they couldn't always to count in others to help them and if they got too used to lean on others, the result was negative to both: Who leaned and who offered support.

"They can't do this alone, how would they?" Allen insisted. He didn't think Kanda would truly abandon someone, but this didn't give him the certainty he would go along with this plan. "You don't need to go, we just need…"

"Oh, _shut up!"_

Allen and Raz blinked as they exchanged looks. Johnny muffled a laugh and Allen ended up smiling too.

"You talk like hell and I already said it's better to just speak the necessary while I'm here, you _dope._ " An unreadable sound that carried annoyance. "I'll get in contact again when I can."

Allen couldn't help feeling the tension leaving him.

"So, you're in?"

"That's what I said, stupid Moyashi."

The following noise was of interruption in the transmission. Allen looked to the other two and shrugged.

"And this, ladies and gentlemen, is Bakanda's way of saying he agrees…" He said in a solemn tone ruined by how a chuckle tried to escape in his words. Johnny's golem flew and landed in the table between the bed and the bunker one.

Some minutes later, cradled in darkness and silence the tension slowly left their beings and allowed sleep to come. Still, Allen remained awaken for some minutes more, his thoughts the only part of him that refused to give in to tiredness no much how much he wanted to.

He ran his hand under the pillow until he found a small hard circle. In the darkness, he couldn't see it, but his finger felt the lines in relief… The Earl's button. Earlier, he had been observing it and noticed the lines made the same symbol he had seen in the Ark's musical sheet…

It was similar to the one he had once seen in the buttons of Mana's coat too… How many times had he sat at his father's side and ran his finger over the lines, sometimes pressing them until they marked his skin for some seconds?

He knew Mana was involved with the Noah. It was a given, he was Neah's brother… But were those details such as the symbol of that button, physical and presents whose existence was undeniable that made this fact more evident…

He missed his father…

He always would.

And this thought was what gave way to a realization. When they had met the Earl that day, Allen had _noticed_ something more in his voice, in how he called to Neah and Raz… Among agitation and fear, Allen hadn't recognized at once what it was and maybe because he had never heard that emotion in the Earl's voice…

There _had been_ an intense excitement and anxiety that edged the insanity. However, intertwined to all this like a thread hidden in a complex rug, what Allen had noticed was a deep sorrow.

Something so deep that came from an abyss where, whatever lurked in, was now unable to remember something like light _could_ even exist…

He thought about Raz.

He had no idea what she had thought of all this and her eyes had been a mirror that reflected nothing. But this meeting couldn't have been easy to her… Respecting her space, Allen had then decided to give her some time until she seemed willing to speak of it. As serene as she behaved, Allen was sure that, no matter how much she wanted to learn about herself, she was scared.

Scared of the unknown that was herself.

He would have liked to do something for her, but for now all he could do was, while trying to find out about himself, Neah and Mana, to also find out about her.

As the sleep started to wrap his mind and made the thoughts heavy, his last one was of what he had seen in Apocryphos' memories and what he had done to Suman Dark.

" _Lenalee said I saved his soul."_ She had been wrong. To save someone's soul as they did with the akumas was one thing. To _actually_ save them was another. All they could do was to set them free…

The actual salvation of a soul wasn't in the hands of anyone in this world.

But they could save people…

" _Is it like that with the Innocence, Crown Clown?"_ He wondered, aware there would be no answer.

He remembered his Innocence protecting him so many times.

Did that mean it loved him too? Even if he carried genes of a Noah?

**XxX**

Silver eyes opened in the darkness as two stars, gleaming for an instant as he sat up in absolute silence.

" _What a mess…"_ He thought to himself. " _You've developed a true talent to go after trouble!"_ He had never been like this before. On a hand, Timcampy's records had showed him enough so he would realize Allen had changed quite a lot since the last time they had saw each other, yet…

Standing from the bed, Neah walked to the chair where Allen's coat was and picked one of the pockets, holding a small transparent bag and watching the black fragments in it, feeling a tug in his heart.

Cross had given him Timcampy years ago… He had created the golem himself and, in such way, that the being was more than a machine and could heal himself from major injures. It was far more advanced than those silly toys the Order used…

"I'm sorry, my friend…" He muttered as he caressed the fragments through the plastic, even if he knew Tim couldn't hear him. Allen had been crushed by the loss as well, he had been able to feel it.

Thinking about Apocryphos made him clench his fists.

And now Allen was going to try rescuing that redheaded friend of his. Neah sighed, he wasn't the owner of that body yet and couldn't truly stop him. At least he had been sensate enough to realize they hadn't military power enough to do.

" _And you know they may be in the Black Ark, Allen…"_ Some of the boy's thoughts were too deep in his mind to Neah feel them, but one had been as loud as a yell. " _And you were really thinking in a way of reaching them, hm?"_

Closing his eyes, Neah tried to feel some shape of his host's dreams, meeting with a white barrier that wrapped the boy and the sent away waves of reproach spiced with displeasure. Crown Clown hadn't liked that _at all._

_"Annoying Innocence from Hell…"_ He swore, though he was somewhat amused as well. " _Hey, I just want to know what he dreams nowadays…"_ The reply was an intensification of the barrier, which now had a cold threat.

" _Geez, no sense of humor, huh?"_

Neah turned, looked at the bunker.

The man he had attacked was on top, seeming in deep sleep. He couldn't see him, just a mass of covers.

He looked at the lower bed…

Raz was asleep.

Lying on her side, in a fetus-like position, she was hugging her pillow as her hair made a pool of black-blue ink spread over her back, shoulder and bed, mixed with the darkness around. He almost chuckled at this, it was as if nothing had changed at all when he looked at her like this…

This was the same position she used to sleep before.

" _She_ really _trusts you, Allen…"_ He reflected, not without some surprise as he remembered days lost in the past. Raziah had always been instinctively unable to fall asleep if she was too close of someone she had no trust in unless her body was too tired to avoid it. It wasn't something she had control over, it just happened…

Neah knew the reasons behind this.

Well, they all did…

He was still surprised that she was here and with Allen. But then again, a lot of things had taken him by surprise once he had fully woken up.

In an impulse, he reached his hand to her…

Now he wondered what she would do if she woke up and saw him in control of Allen's body. Someone might think that what she had told the man about how Allen was her brother to be something dramatic and over sentimental…

He knew her. He knew how serious it was for her to say something like that.

Even when the Earl had found her after her waking, it had taken time for her to be at ease with them… He remembered those days, how she would…

He sighed, hesitating.

Among thoughts of the past, Neah recalled the record of Timcampy of Allen finding her, sealed in the White Ark in a state that wasn't unlike comatose.

He let his hand rest on his side, still watching her sleep.

" _Perhaps it would have been better if you had remained asleep, my friend…"_

I remember the song. You used to sing to me. But now I stand here alone. Forgotten by all. Yet my heart beats still. In that old song. I'll stay here under the moon. Even if it takes forever. Just waiting for the time. When I can see you again. Even if it takes forever. I want to see you at least once more.

* * *

**Wolf: Things are heating up.**

**Lavi: So, can I get out of this Hell hole?**

**Wolf: Who knows? Allen is certainly planning to do something, but... When do fights against the Noah go well?**

**Lavi: Don't remind me...**

**Road: Excuse me, do you mind telling me why I haven't appeared yet?  
**

**Sheryl: I must say, I would like an answer for this too.**

**Devit: Better yet! What about me and Jasdero?**

**Jasdero: Yeah, hiii!**

**Wolf: ... Uh... Well, I have a lot of characters to deal with...**

**Road ( _sweet smile):_ And?**

**Wolf: Well, I...**

**Road: I'm just starting to be a little impatient, you know?**

**Wolf: ... Uh, any help here?**


	21. Act Twenty-One – Pray for Dreams

_"Nothing can drive one closer to his own insanity than a haunting memory refusing its own death" – Darnella Ford_

_She was sitting under the sunlight that hugged her body, imprinting the warmth in her flesh as a pleasant scent filled the air. The wild-looking grass surrounded her as an eternal sea of green. A giggle was heard as a pair of arms embraced her shoulders from behind._

_Words were being said, but they were like sounds heard underwater, with no sense to be taken from them. A light pressure on her head, something was placed on it, but she didn't lift her hand to touch or tried to see what it was. Now another voice joined the first, from a figure whose face she couldn't make out._

_Then there was someone else, a third person. Sounds became more frequent, making an indiscernible conversation in which she could only know the basic differences between the voices: Cadence and sound._

_She stood with the first person who had been hugging her as a fourth voice overpowered the conversation, which could be a mutter of the wind in the plants and there wouldn't be a difference, not when she couldn't process the words… They turned to the call and to the person who had made it and…_

_Then she was seated again, this time in which seemed to be a white windowsill and it wasn't the sun that wrapped her, but a melody and a voice. Soon her voice joined the song before she stood and went to sit in the floor, back leaning against a white piano._

_Who was there with her? The person playing was someone she felt she should know, as if it was obvious. Were there more people in the room?_

_She looked around, but once more she was in an open space… It didn't look like a field, though. The ground was humid under her feet and a tall person was approaching her._

_The person placed a strand of her hair behind the ear, talking to her. She couldn't see the face, or even know if it was a man or a woman… Her bare foot touched something smooth…_

_And she knew at once she was stepping over blood and flesh._

_Her eyes lowered._

_The shadow of a body. A mass of meat wrapped in skin. Blood and flesh rendered useless. Nerves tore apart, muscles ripped open. She sensed, more than saw, movement close by. White things seemed to move still, the loose pieces hitting each other in a tlec-tlec-tlec that mocked laughter or screams or…_

_Darkness was back._

_The bones united, making a being of members that made no sense. Hands and skulls and spines joined in a way they were not meant to be, whipping the air. Each movement gave birth to a cacophony and voices whispered between them._

_And again, she was tripping in the dark, trying to run and run. The bites of the blade in her flesh bleed openly as much as the scent of her own blood. She was breaking inside, in every sense and her lungs couldn't find as much air as necessary._

_And suddenly there were voices again. They sounded different than those she had heard until now. Almost_ solid _in their clarity, without any point of source. They were all around._

_"A Noah_ can never _escape from_ another _Noah."_

_She knew that voice, or at least a part of her brain that kept knowledge connected to some sort of conscience free of dreams seemed to. She ran and ran…_

_Another voice, of more power, ripped across dream and mind alike._

_"Neah… Raz… It's_ me _… Why are you running?"_

_Those golden eyes she knew so well gleamed in the dark. Were there others more? She felt there were._

_It was no use._

_She was_ afraid _._

_A part of her wanted to run towards those people, to their warmth. At the same time, she wanted to get away from them. The girl couldn't understand either of those feelings._

_"Oh, don't worry. We would never let something bad happen to our dear, stubborn and lost_ little siblings."

_"_ It's me…"

_She cried out in the darkness, not knowing if she was telling them to leave her alone or to find her, that she missed them so much._

_"There is no place for you in this world except with us."_

_The scent of flowers mixed with blood._

_Laughter that turned into screaming._

" _It was like this with the Fourteenth of thirty-five years ago as well. You should remember this, Raz."_

_No! She didn't! She_ didn't _remember! And she didn't want to, she felt something deep in that place, deep in herself and, oh, God, she didn't want to remember_ any _of it, please!_

_Her flesh collided with the floor. She turned, arms raised in defense, expecting the pain she knew would come…_

_A bite of a skull, the whip of a spine, a blade in her flesh…_

_But what came to her was a pleasant warmth._

_Something rubbing her forehead softly… Though it took just some seconds, for her it felt like long moments until the understanding came that someone was caressing her… She knew and didn't know who, though, but the fear was fading…_

_That person… She couldn't_ see _, but the touch was kind…_

_Voices were calling her once more and they didn't cause mixed feelings this time, one becoming higher at each call as the touch faded to the lake of her mind…_

_"_ Raz… Are you awake now?"

"Y-Yeah… I'm up…" She groaned sleepily as she sat up. Under her skin, a light shiver still lurked in her flesh, thankfully weak enough to remain hidden.

"You were twisting around…" Allen commented thoughtful. It had been a while since he saw Raz so agitated in her sleep. The Noah ran her hand through her hair, putting some strands away as she thought about her dream, trying to focus more in the person who had been petting her than the sensation of blood and flesh under her feet.

She knew it hadn't been Allen. That touch (as well as the rest, or at least most of the dream) had been made of fragments of her memories, shattered and whose pieces floated in the red river of her blood.

"Nightmare again…" She confirmed simply as she tried to retain some of the sounds and images, pulling them as she would to a line in hopes of getting something tangled on it, some _sense_ of it.

If at least there was more context and things weren't so foggy.

Allen just nodded in understanding, with a strong impression that it could be related to the latter events. He wouldn't be shocked if meeting the Earl had triggered something in her organism and mind, but said nothing even with the words itching his throat, deciding to try talking with her about it later.

He had been surprised himself to wake up and realize he had fallen asleep almost immediately last night… After everything (meeting the Earl and being attacked, the vision of that woman whose name he didn't know, learning that Lavi was captured, being found by Apocryphos and seeing what he had done to Suman) he had thought that despite his exhaustion it would take his body hours to settle down enough to fall into a sleep that was bound to have nightmares…

But no. He didn't think he had had any dream. Or, if he had, he had forgotten upon waking up.

Thank God for small blessings.

Raz stretched her shoulders and back as she stood, the anklet that was never taken off tinkling with the movement. She wanted to be able to remember something about Neah and Mana and tell Allen, but she barely could remember them… Just a bit of their faces… She knew the person playing the piano _should_ be Neah, it was easy to conclude so after Allen had told her about the piano room in the Ark.

"Anything about Apocryphos?" She asked instead. "Any sign of him?"

"Nothing. I at least didn't feel him again." He replied with an objective tone, though this was only good. At the moment, he wanted to focus in helping Lavi and Bookman and it would be even harder to do so with that creature's threat breathing down his neck.

Raz nodded. Allen had heard Tyki and Road referring to that thing as a "clue" to find the Heart, an Innocence that existed to protect it. If that was what had made her feel that wave of hate or if it had been more out of the knowledge of what he had done, it made no difference.

Even if she knew she wouldn't have had any chance against it…

With their back to each other, they got exchanged as Allen told her Johnny was in the room at the side with the others (staying in the perimeter allowed by the shackles) and he was thinking they could take a stroll through the city to be sure it was safe.

As they left the room, the boy suddenly asked.

"You know we need to understand what happened… To Mana and Neah."

It wasn't a subject Raz wanted to deal with right after that nightmare, but still.

" _I did think Walker was a name he would use,_ why _would I think that?"_

"I know…" She agreed quietly. "The circus, right?"

Allen seemed saddened by this as he sighed. It wasn't as if they had any another option… Well, they _had_ , but that was out of question.

"Yeah… You know, maybe… Maybe they knew something of Mana, maybe he commented where he came from or another circus he worked in?" True that by going after the circus _he_ had been with Allen was also trying to learn where he had come from himself, and that there was the chance they wouldn't get any information of Mana with this…

His hand went to his pocket, playing with the button.

But he would go back to that idea after helping Lavi and Bookman.

"It may not end up in anything…" He told her and shrugged. "We can try, though."

They exchanged looks heavy with knowledge.

"It's the safest way." Raz said in her low tone, as if the thought had been put into words. "With the other options…" That were neither tempting or comforting.

"Yes…" He said as they headed to the other room, but held Raz's wrist for a moment. "Raz… You want to know about yourself too. Right?" It sounded like a dumb question, but it was at least a path to what he wanted to say.

" _But in her case, we really would have to talk to one of the other Noahs… Either the Earl or Road or Neah…"_

The girl looked in his eyes, head tilted to the side. Her eyes lowered, a gesture that was unusual between them.

"I… I don't know anymore…" She muttered so quietly that Allen would have missed it, if not for the proximity and he blinked at that.

Raz said nothing more. After the sensations of yesterday, she honestly wasn't sure anymore that she wanted to remember what she had forgotten.

Her flesh felt cold.

Allen looked at her for a second. He was not blind or deaf to what was going on with her, even if she never expressed that in her composure or words.

"I… I don't know, Raz… Even if there is something bad, I think you still do." His words were gentle and should he have been anyone else, it would have been an irritating presumption. Allen knew there could be things in her past that ventured beyond the realm of unpleasant. Her nightmares aside, she was a Noah, so this was practically a _given_. "Don't push yourself or get too worried. We will find a way in the end… Okay?"

He caressed her head a little, unaware of how this made her remember the similar touch she had felt in her dream. His words, however, made her feel a little better.

"Let's just keep going forward, okay?"

**XxX**

To be aware something is necessary doesn't make the act pleasant or easy and Kanda knew this. His "return" had already been huge news in the Order and his promotion to General made the subject all the more interesting. _And_ , as if it couldn't be any different, the conversation (gossip, he would call it) had grown a little. The samurai couldn't care less about what people said regarding him, satisfied that most of them had enough sense to not try engaging him in conversations to sate their own curiosity (and the few that didn't were either warned by others or by his glare), but it was still irritating to feel he was being observed by the corner of eyes as he passed by and the whisperings that were born.

To return had been worse than he had thought. Most people probably wouldn't even understand how much. Being in the Order, ever since before leaving, felt too much like being in a cage and it had only grown stronger.

His irritation had no end. And the hate that Kanda had been able to tame before increased in intensity in such a way that he sometimes felt his body would melt inside out if he didn't do something to soothe it. There was no pleasure in this and it didn't help with anything, yet Kanda's rationality failed at pushing those sensations to the corner of himself where there were no feelings. He supposed it would get better with time, only that he _didn't_ want to have this time.

As such, any excuse to leave was more than welcomed. After his time away from the Order (it hadn't been too much, but taking in accounts the details of his leaving and the how), he was almost like an animal that had been reminded of the potential of his own claws, the taste of freedom and no longer could control himself like before.

Or maybe he didn't want to.

Tiedoll had said he hated the Order.

He had been wrong.

"Hate" was a far too weak term, too simple and soft.

Under this viewpoint, even the Moyashi's suicidal tendency was welcomed if it provided a way/excuse to leave once more. Not that he had been shocked by the white-haired brat's words.

Perhaps it would have been more sensate to _wait_ until the heat of the news he had became died a little, yet Kanda had never been a patient man when there were more important matters at hand. And it went without saying that the faster they took the stupid rabbit out of the Noahs' domain, the better.

Before those bastards got bored enough to get rid of him and the old man.

He had merely told Komui he had particular business to deal with him, and that had been enough. Well, at least he could make use of his new acquired authority.

"Why don't we leave for a while, _General_?" Komui suggested in a cheerful tone, having already expressed his joy the last day before the reunion (and only Kanda's threat of slicing him up had made him stop fussing like a child). "I don't know about you, but I think it would also be good to ask Lenalee to bring some coffee later. And she will be so happy to see you!"

Kanda remained in silence. He had expected being led to Komui's office, but seeing no reason to refuse, he followed the Chinese men through the hallways.

"You know I have an… Unit now." Kanda reminded him, not needing to pretend the displeasure in his voice. Komui just nodded happily as they went down the stairs. One of the more usual reasons for him to look like that tended to be a new Komurin.

Kanda hoped that, with Levelier now living in the same building, this mania of Komui had been forced to stop… Still, he couldn't help but have his doubts.

"Yes, Noise Marie and Miranda Lotto, I know, I was there, General."

Kanda wondered if it would do much harm to slice Komui's tongue off.

"I never had much contact with Lotto." He said between teeth, as if this was of no matter. "I don't know much about her competence."

Komui just went on to comment about Miranda's Innocence, missions she had had and other details. Kanda kept a rolling of eyes to himself, deciding to let the other blabber as he pretended to listen, mumbling at some points of the talk to give the impression of paying attention.

Those details were not what interested him.

He soon realized Komui wasn't leading him to the cafeteria, despite having commented about a coffee.

This earned Komui a cold glance when the Supervisor left the building, venturing under the sun as he started to walk among the gardens of the Order. The man just looked at him with a purposely innocent expression.

"Komui…" Kanda started, distrust agitating in him. If the idiot tried to ask him _anything_ about the Moyashi, he would have only denial for an answer. Kanda was not completely sure of how much the man could be trusted with that particular subject. He had had evaluated Komui's behavior until now, but was also ready to change his mind at the first indication of a misconception.

"I think it is good that Marie and Miranda are in the same unit too, they work well together." When she had arrived, Miranda was almost like a shy kitten, _unable_ to believe herself, expecting mistakes even before making them. While the woman was still shy, there was more firmness to be felt from her lately.

Thinking about it, it seemed she got along well with Reever as well.

"Komui." Kanda cut him with a voice of blade against flesh. He wasn't going to enter a dance of words disguising what was being truly said. "Why are we here, particularly?" He had suggested they left the Science Department room, not the building itself.

"I thought it would be quite obvious." The Supervisor replied, turning his face to the sky and studying the weather with a soft expression. "I'm not sure if there aren't any listening devices in my office. The gardens are spacious and safer in this point. And it would be harder to not notice someone listening to us. Especially you."

Kanda didn't disagree with that point of view (neither that he would spot someone spying on them easier here than in a room full of people or the hallways, even more with people gossiping about the "new General"), but that wasn't enough for him to just go into the subject of the Moyashi, so he remained in silence as he waited for more words he could analyze before making a final decision about the man.

Komui, on another hand, almost laughed. And it was a nice sensation that seemed to wash his interior. There hadn't been many reasons to laugh lately. Oh, things seemed to go back to normal after a while and people "got used" to the new situation, one might say, with the Exorcists leaving for missions, trying to search and get Innocence back, his Department involved in researches and analyzes…

Just how things had been for the past years.

But it wasn't what he felt. And he knew the same applied to Lenalee.

Now he saw that Kanda hadn't changed, still someone who didn't allow himself be distracted when his mind was set in something and who could also be quite distrustful.

"Kanda, you never change…" He said placing his hands on the pockets of his white coat.

" _You've_ met Allen, haven't you?" He whispered.

Before the lack of answers, Komui carried on.

"I doubt you would be back if you didn't have good reasons to. Just being found by Tiedoll?" Komui couldn't help a small chuckle. "It doesn't sound like enough. I think you may have seen him or were in search of him."

The samurai had to control himself to not touch his arm. The strange marks were gone and he wondered once more what had been the true cause. Last night, he had considered that perhaps it was nothing related to the process of a Fallen One and now this possibility returned to his mind. Just the thought agitated his blood a little for reasons he didn't know, but he paid it no mind.

"And?" He asked impartially.

"How is he? If you found him… I mean, he is fine, isn't he? He wasn't caught by the Noah?" Scraps of his anxiety escaped to his voice. He tried to hold on, as if only seeing Kanda somehow confirmed that Allen was fine.

The samurai kept a sarcastic scoff.

" _He wasn't_ caught _, but he is_ traveling _with one. And do you want to know the_ big _part? A detail that would make the Central have fucking kittens? The damn girl didn't even remember her own name when the Moyashi found her. Now she doesn't leave his side and seemed ready to cut my head off when she thought we were taking him back, what about this?"_

That not to mention the group of Ex-members of the Order.

"What if I told you he became a Noah? That the Fourteenth won?"

Komui's face became paler. For a second, he could only swallow dry as he kept his head held high.

"Allen would fight it. It doesn't matter how the Central sees him, I _know_ him." And there was also the fact how Allen had decided to kill himself should he ever feel that happening just so his friends wouldn't have to be burdened with this. If Allen was alive, it was because he was fine. And for what Komui knew of Kanda, he could bet the man would have done so if Allen had been unable to.

But Kanda seemed calm… Well, "calm" wasn't the proper term, but he was in his usual mood, which could be taken as a positive signal. It had to be.

Kanda weighed what he knew of Komui and what he had heard now. The man wasn't known for his love for the Central or Levelier either. In Kanda's opinion, Komui was one of the most perfect examples of a complete fool, but this was not synonym of being an idiot (at least not in this case).

And it wouldn't be possible to remain in the game without allies.

"He is still an annoying Moyashi, if this is what you want to know."

Despite the confidence of before, there was relief in Komui's eyes that came from the confirmation and he observed Kanda in expectation of more details, as a traveler in the desert longs for water. But this was more, it was the anxiety of a friend who has no news of other for far too long and knows this friend may be dead or worse.

"The Noahs are after him, but he is on the run. He seems to be fighting to not be taken over by the Fourteenth." It was better to stop there rather than tell everything at once, including about the Noah girl and the Exiled. It wasn't enough for Komui, though.

"What about Johnny? He left the Order with an excuse, but we're sure he went after Allen too…"

"I left him with the Moyashi." Kanda grumbled, already bored with the questioning game. He had no doubts Lenalee and the others would ask the same things later on. Well, in their case at least they could meet the Moyashi themselves and ask him personally, if all went according to plan.

"And how those months have been to him? How he…"

Ignoring Komui's need for details, he went straight to the point.

"And he wants to go help the stupid rabbit."

To _his_ relief, the man was quiet. A thousand questions still claimed to be solved and there was much he wanted to know about Allen, but it all retreated before what he had just heard.

"Does he know where Lavi is?" He asked in a whisper, looking as if he had been punched. "Is he alive?"

Suddenly the air around had become too quiet. Almost as in that memory Kanda had of his _true_ life, of a field of flowers pointing to the sky, wrapped in silence as his body, already unable to feel anything (even pain), laid still and useless until a bang broke the peace and an akuma's face dominated his view, because of course not even death would be peaceful, they wouldn't allow it…

He cut the thought, focusing on the present. He didn't like that particular memory, it was among the many things that chained him, tossing him to a deep corner of his mind where memories of that nature and thoughts he didn't admit had weaved together into a personal Hell.

"He learned, from a Noah's mouth, that they have Lavi and Bookman." Kanda didn't need to look around to know there was no one around, not with his senses. "And he decided to go rescue them, but he doesn't have enough strength to do this alone."

" _Typical of him…"_ Komui thought, unable to hide a smile. " _Oh, Allen… I'm so sorry…"_

"Therefore, you need a mission with Miranda and Marie to be able to leave." Komui concluded and frowned. "It wouldn't be a bad idea to sent Krory and Lenalee too…" Speaking like this, it sounded simple, but he could imagine how dangerous this would be, even if one didn't take the Noahs into account. His mouth felt dry. Yet, he knew that neither Lenalee nor Krory or Miranda would refuse once they heard of it. "Well, they are of Klaud's unit, but I guess…"

"Can they be trusted?" Kanda didn't need to specify if he referred to Lotto or Marie, the latter could have been with him in Tiedoll's unit for years and they knew each other well, but Kanda needed to know who trusted the _Moyashi._

"I believe so, but you can talk to them and take your own conclusions…" As Komui was sure he would. This was not a game and they had to be careful, otherwise Allen could end up in the dungeons (or worse) again and they would be in serious trouble. "Regarding my sister and Krory… You know them." He held his chin as he started to think. "Hmm… I could send them to missions in places not too far from each other, if I can, so you could pick a train and meet later or something…"

Komui was about to ask Kanda how he would get in contact with Allen to know where he was and how to inform him of a place while speaking of Lenalee and Krory made the samurai think about Klaud. She had been the one to suggest keeping those two in her unit and gave him that strange advice regarding Sokaro.

Not that it had been necessary, Kanda did know a few things about the General.

He couldn't stop himself from asking.

"What is the deal with Klaud Nine?"

**XxX**

The General in question was leaving her room, having taken a bath after an intensive session of training. Lau was on her shoulder as always, the tail wrapped around her neck, his fur soft as silk. Her blonde hair was still humid and fell over her shoulders.

Though she kept her usual posture, her mind went over each thought with the objectivity of someone analyzing the possible movements in a chess game, which perhaps wasn't quite a bad comparison.

Last night, she had informed Timothy about the changes in units and how he would be under Tiedoll's care now, though she would still be his "teacher" when time allowed and help with his studies. The boy had been bothered by it, accepting it in the end. As for Tiedoll, he had been very joyful with the perspective and she had no doubt that he could be talking to Timothy right now in what he would call "Establishing Bonds between a Master and a Pupil".

" _If he ends up calling Tim "son", I think he will become more like Kanda in the question of mood."_ The idea was almost funny.

Speaking of which…

Well, she didn't have many doubts that Kanda probably remained loyal to Walker, not after all the case of Alma Karma, which wasn't a secret to anyone (and just an idiot with suicidal or insane tendencies would try to speak of this with samurai, she might add), but the other questions hadn't left her mind either.

She didn't know _who else_ was.

In her other missions, Lau had used his sense of smell to try finding out if Walker was (or had been) around. Though his senses were above those of a normal monkey, tracking humans was not his speciality. Not that Klaud had expected much different since meeting with Walker back then had been by sheer chance, yet there was some disappointment all the same.

" _Chance, and the fact he really seems to be unable of avoiding going to destroy akumas when he feels their presence…"_ Even when it would have been safer for him to ignore it once he had realized the akuma in question had been fighting her. Not to mention with the company he had been keeping.

Klaud thought about his eye. And for a moment, she wondered how was the world that Allen saw…

" _But that's not just it. All goes back to the same point, the Fourteenth. The Order was created ages ago, there must be registers of battles from thirty-five years ago…"_ There wouldn't be much info of the Noahs in personal levels that would explain all this, but perhaps there was something useful there.

" _Not that the Central hasn't thought of this yet. Those reports must be well kept and most probably have been revised several times already."_

Still, she would have liked to take a look at them all the same, even if just to take it off her mind.

The question would be how to get to this without being found out. To ask for those reports _would_ be possible due to her position, yet this would cause some questions and if she had managed to go all this time without being placed under watch (formally or not), the woman would rather keep it that way. With the way the Central was now, even simply asking for those files could call unnecessary attention.

" _And that's not the only question, is it?"_ She wondered looking through a window. From the glass, her pale reflection stared at her, the scar in her face all the more evident. " _There is also the question of what I'll do… If at least I could…"_

"General Klaud?" A known voice called her.

At the end of the hallway, there was Alistar Krory.

Klaud tilted her head to the side, recalling the last time they had exchanged words.

"Alistar Krory…" She greeted him, a part of her wondering with some amusement if she should call him "pupil" just to check his reaction. A curious idea. She was not deprived of humor, but such jests were not quite her nature.

The vampire approached. By his eyes and straight hair, his Innocence was not activated. Klaud studied him with interest, imagining what he meant to say.

"I've been informed that I'm now part of your unit with Lenalee." He said in a polite way as to start a conversation, his speech soft. The blonde remained quiet, once more thinking if Allen Walker could count with Krory's loyalty. Lately, the thought seemed to pull an automatic positive sensation.

What was left to ask was if he still would still be loyal once he learned Walker was in company of a Noah. This detail could break trust and she didn't know Krory enough to affirm this wouldn't be the case for sure.

And considering how some people had reacted upon knowing from Chaozii that Walker had wanted to save the life of a Noah back in the Ark… It wasn't hard to imagine what would happen if this detail ever came to light.

" _But he didn't get bothered by this."_ Yes, but to _save_ an enemy and to be _traveling_ with one weren't quite different things? She wouldn't be the one at risk if she spoke to the wrong person, it would be Walker.

"Indeed. With Kanda's return, there was a complete readjust in the units." A simple response was better.

"But I've heard the general idea came from you." It wasn't an accusation, rather a comment that sounded almost innocent. Krory studied the woman in front of him, wondering what had led her to do this. It wasn't as if they were friends and she could have kept Timothy and Lenalee in her unit instead of that whole change, as he had concluded after Komui had informed him that Sokaro would no longer be his General.

Klaud just looked at him, not denouncing a thought. The scar, as ramified as a cruel star, crossed her face, the skin there a little lighter and even appearing to be slightly sunk somehow. Whatever had happened, it was a miracle that she hadn't lost her eyes.

"I judged that, since something like this would be necessary anyway, it would be best if the groups were formed by people who work well together…"

"A professional justification." Krory nodded in that almost shy way that she noticed to be his more natural state when his Innocence was not activated. "But… I do wonder if it is just that. I mean," He added. "The others also work with Lenalee, Timothy included."

In all this, there was just one question: Why had she seemed to want to keep Krory and Lenalee together just like Miranda and Marie? Timothy would stay with Tiedoll and Chaozii, but the boy didn't know Allen as well as the others. Her justification had been well accepted by the Central as they hadn't seen things under this angle.

Well, this wouldn't have made much difference, maybe, since Levelier had already interrogated them.

"Yes, but you have known each other for longer. And Kanda is not known for his ability in groups, but Marie was from his unit." She insisted on the same approach. Krory leaned a little to her and though this was nothing like the time they had spoken when she was in Allen's previous room, something in his dark eyes seemed to touch her veins. Perhaps it was a natural reaction to being close to a vampire, no matter if he posed no threat.

"Or it is because we've known _Allen_ for longer?"

Klaud tilted her head to the side, with an expression almost of amusement.

"Are you questioning the decisions of your _General,_ Alistar Krory?" The moment this left her mouth, she was a little surprised. Where had _this_ come from?! Another quick joke that was not common from her and there hadn't been seriousness enough in her voice to disguise this as a threat. Krory stood straight as he blinked to her, apparently too caught off guard to realize it.

"No, by any means." He said a little fast and hesitated before being clear. "But I would like to know what you truly have in mind." It wasn't a lie and neither a morbid curiosity as others could interpret it, but while Klaud Nine was among the (very few) people who kept quiet about whatever opinion she had regarding Allen, there was something about the woman that had picked up his "suspicion" (to use the better term).

Last time, he had been in a more edgy state and later wondered if he would be reprimanded for the behavior that could have aroused suspicions, almost expecting a return to Levelier's room, but nothing had happened. Not that her behavior had been any less curious or that her words hadn't differed much in nature…

Klaud hesitated, something not very common. She also recalled the same occasion and how Krory had insisted in knowing what she had been doing in Walker's room, almost acting as someone waiting for the occupant's return. They had had a few brief talks later as well, but this one stood out in their minds.

"You trust Walker, don't you?"

The question had a new softness and made the whisper honey slipping down the trunk of some exotic tree, almost like vanilla.

Krory kept his head held high to that. In the state things were, while a confirmation could not be enough for a new interrogatory, it sure could be the seed for rumors and comments…

"Now and forever." He replied in an iron voice, though not without the usual gentleness.

" _Not even a hesitation, he didn't even blink."_ Klaud evaluated, not without admiration and nodded, a light sensation finding birth in her.

"I can only say I believe…" She muttered passing by him, feeling the warmth of his body when their arms brushed. "That you have good reasons for this."

**XxX**

The others watched in silence while the white-haired man kept his eyes closed. He could be asleep if the muscles of his face weren't slightly hardened under the skin in an expression of deep concentration, some strands of hair falling over his face.

Finally, he opened his eyes.

Sheryl was at once standing and Wisely lifted his hand in a signal for the other Noah to stop where he was.

"She is fine." He said slowly as to calm the other. "Her recovering is demanding too much, but she should be back to us soon. Maybe in a week or less." Due to his mental abilities, Wisely was the only one able to establish a communication link with Road while she was in her dream.

"Don't be like that, Sheryl." Tyki said upon seeing the disappointment in his brother's eyes. He knew very well that, in those four months and some days, he had missed Road terribly. Not that the others didn't or not as much, they just weren't as expressive about it as the Noah of Desire. "You heard it, she _is_ getting better."

"But it's taking too long!" The other moaned in what could be either indignation or nervousness. Tyki had no words for this. Sheryl's worry for Road was genuine, but he would have liked if his half-brother was at least a bit less intense with his emotional displays. There were moments he wondered what the papers would say if they ever saw this side of the Prime Minister. "Is she fine? Is she _truly_ fine?"

"Yes, Sheryl." Wisely replied without exasperation, shrugging. They were all used to the other's behavior. "I told you, the healing rate is within normal, she _is_ doing well, no permanent damage. Give it some more days and she will be back."

The Noah of Desire didn't look more satisfied, but took his seat once more, a corner of his mouth with a nervous tic-like move while he crossed his legs, one of them with still fresh wounds caused by Apocryphos.

"I don't like this at all." He grumbled, crossing his arms, the fingers looking more like long claws than anything else. Well, the situation truly wasn't what the Clan would consider positive. The plan of using Allen Walker as bait had worked to the point of luring Apocryphos out and forcing him to leave the human disguise enough so they could localize him.

Then _nothing_ had followed the plan anymore.

"That damn thing even escaped." Maashima said with a groan that wasn't usual of him. "So did Walker and Raziah…" It was hard to say what matter bothered him more, the first or the second. He was usually an easy-going man, but all beings had their limits.

None of them could claim to be quite pleased with the results either.

"He didn't even stay to fight for long! He was far more interested in getting the Fourteenth." Sheryl said with something that was close to despise, but this time for the creature rather than the rogue Noah. It had been unexpected behavior, to say the least, considering Apocryphos' hatred for them. He had never, _ever_ , ignored the opportunity of killing a Noah or at least wounding them as much as he could, this they all knew.

And Sheryl's dislike for the Fourteenth and Allen Walker alike paled when Apocryphos was involved. It was, in a way, part of the instinct that the nature of Noah brought, along with a caring for the other family members that was as a natural as breathing… Even if with the Fourteenth things were more complex than they first appeared.

Tyki could feel this familiar sensation mixed with bitter hate for him, the one who had committed the worst of sins: To raise his blade against the family and their leader. It was the only thing regarding the Fourteenth that they had as a "memory".

"Guess Walker is a far top priority that what we thought." That was a mild way of wording it, if someone asked Maashima, who couldn't consider that anything but obsession. "You saw how ballistic he went when he concluded we would be trying to get the boy." Another possibility would be that he was weaker than they all had considered and hadn't wanted to risk a fight when he felt in disadvantage, but Maashima didn't think this was true.

Even more after checking their wounds.

" _What that thing has is a hell of a_ fucking _focus when it wants something."_

"This we know." Sheryl went on with a sigh, controlling his own anxiety to go back to the subject of his (adoptive) daughter's recovering and turning to Wisely. "He hasn't been seen more than 7.000 years, right?"

"Give it or take it. Since the Three Days of Darkness." The other confirmed. That had happened so long ago that even _his_ own memories were foggy, as if coming from the first days of childhood. "Well, I suppose the Earl is done using Walker as bait after this…" He suggested in a soft tone, a smile coming to his eyes.

There was almost a _certainty_ to this. He and Tyki had arrived in time to realize their leader had completely lost control upon seeing Walker, after feeling the agitation of the Noah genes and seeing Raziah in person for the first time since feeling her presence once more. This was far from a normal occurrence and it had left the Noah of Wisdom and Pleasure almost without reaction.

Having news that Apocryphos had lost the others, hurting them in his escape, hadn't done anything to improve anyone's mood. The Earl had given orders to retreat and, after being sure the wounds of the others weren't serious, had isolated himself in his room, promising they would talk later.

Wisely had heard him whimpering and knew he was crying.

While the failure of getting something useful out of Apocryphos was infuriating, the escape of Allen and Raziah, plus the sudden remembrance of things that had happened so many years ago had been a poison that made even breathing painful. He couldn't deny he shared the sensation… Even Wisely, who carried the actual memories of previous incarnations had to admit there were things better off forgotten and buried…

Ironically, those were the memories that sometimes you couldn't forget. Mental scars that tended to open from time to time… They hurt.

Maashima chuckled to himself, the usual smile of relaxation coming back to his strong features.

" _Suppose?_ I still can't believe those two got away!" His tone could easily make one think he considered this cause for amusement more than annoyance. "I just hope now we can be _serious_ about it and not just let them to keep going around like this."

Wisely had a cruel smile, perhaps remembering Raz's reaction of when he had teased them with his telepathy.

"Oh, indeed" He nodded in mockery. "After all, it's so dangerous for them to be wandering, lost and clueless…"

Sheryl made a sound that was not enough of a snort to hide a laughter. Tyki agreed with Maashima. There was no need to insist in a plan that didn't give results and the fact Apocryphos was _this_ determined to get the boy was new cause for _serious_ worry. Wisely himself had quietly muttered to Tyki that he took back what he had said about seeing that creature's reaction to find out Walker was with Raziah, unless it was when the both of them were already in their grasp.

As for Tyki, the Earl's unspoken decision of no longer try to use them to attract Apocryphos was all very good. Until now, he had felt more like watching a game than taking part on it, since all they had had permission to do was to watch over those two in the event of finding them, like him and Sheryl had done back in Liverpool. And considering they had their own missions, with their "younger siblings" per say constantly traveling and how the boy could feel akumas from a great distance, this idea of watching them wasn't as easy as this could sound.

It wasn't that fun, either.

" _But you're doing well, boy. No doubt, you're more interesting now than in the night you got out of the Order!"_ And when he had met him again in the Forest of Lights, Tyki had been satisfied to see that, in spite of everything, Allen Walker hadn't let the events break him completely. He hadn't been kidding when, in the Battles of the White Ark, he had said he would rather to keep liking the boy as he was.

And Tyki still would prefer if he would just stop that nonsense and _accept_ his Noah genes, joining them as "Allen Walker" rather than being taken over by Neah.

Well, either way, the boy was truly showing an interesting "black and white" as Tyki had hoped for.

Raz wasn't bad herself if he thought about it. Back when they had met the first time, she seemed more like a doe trying to act tough. _Cute_ , but it hadn't taken much effort to hold her down... Which, despite being somewhat amusing for one occasion, would have gotten boring soon. He always preferred a challenge.

Now he almost regretted not being present when the Earl had tried to hold them by force, just to see how she had fared. In the end, she was showing an interesting "black and white" of her own and not solely due to her situation (which he hadn't thought much of) or refusal to come back (which was painful due to the natural feelings of family and _infuriating_ if someone asked him personally).

It was curious, if you compared the situations of those two and how they insisted in being (to use Wisely's term) stubborn.

" _For how long more will we be able to play until you both get a clue and come to us? You're both lucky you're not tied up here right now!"_ Despite their own anxiety to get them, Tyki still considered this to be a dull way to end the game (even more because he hadn't had opportunity to actively _play_ yet).

Wisely gave him a look of who shares a secret.

"It would be so, no doubt. Even more since perhaps now we can _enjoy_ chasing them a little more… Plus, it _would_ be better if they came to their senses." He clapped and made a sweet smile as he declared in a falsely sad voice. "You were right, we do _belong_ here with our family, we're _sorry_ we took so long to realize it…"

As enjoyable as that would be, Tyki doubted any of them, be Allen or Raz, would _ever_ say anything of this sort and hissed.

"Didn't I tell you to stop reading my mind?" He ignored when the Noah of Wisdom lifted his brow in saying he had no idea of what Tyki was talking about.

"Didn't you inform Walker about the red haired and the old geezer?" Maashima recalled while Sheryl assumed an inexpressible façade. "Maybe he will decide to surrender in exchange of letting them go. For what you've said, it sounds something he would do…"

That had been indeed Wisely's intention when telling him, besides teasing. Tyki wasn't _so_ sure. This could sound like the only way, but he doubted Walker would just go for it without trying anything else, take the case of Alma Karma as an example, even if he had been so close of giving in. Oh well, you couldn't deny he was a fighter.

"That may be so, but there are also those other Accommodators that are with him." Sheryl almost spit the word as if it was a swearing. And the very _idea_ of those two being friends with anyone who was compatible with Innocence. "They could try to stop him."

"And did you talk to Road about Raz? Or the boy?" Tyki asked suddenly. After all Road _had_ _known_ Raz as much as the Millennium Earl and they had no way of knowing if she had felt the girl's reappearance, even if it had been right after she had been hit by Apocryphos.

He didn't know if he wanted to imagine her reaction, he knew well his niece and how she could be.

"It isn't easy to keep the communication with her in this state, it is too deep in her "Dream". I thought it would be better to ask how she was and let her rest. Speaking of Walker would already make her agitated and I don't even imagine how it would be if I spoke of Raziah…" He said with genuine care, not teasing or lying, as he remembered very how the relationship between the two girls had been.

Road was almost healed, but this communication still demanded energy. It wasn't unlike a sick person; she needed rest and Wisely would rather not bother her so much.

The Noah of Wisdom stood up, raising his arms over his head as if stretching.

"I _do_ think she will lament not seeing that performance of them, though." He said. Tyki held a chuckle of agreement. Never, not _in a million of years_ , he had thought he would see the boy dressed like that and even _singing,_ no matter if his past as a street performer had not been a secret ever since Road had heard him commenting about it with Lenalee Lee in the Rewinding Town.

" _To_ know _and to_ see _it are very different things."_ He reflected as he thought about that little show he and Wisely had watched from afar, from the jugglery to the dance of acrobatic moves, the white-silver clothes reflecting the sun and making the black details of makeup and clothing to stand out.

He had to say, they were pretty good.

"What on Earth are you two talking about?" Maashima looked from one to another without understanding. The Noah of white hair once more displayed his little smile which, like Sheryl's, could be either mocking, cruel or genuine all the same time.

"Oh, such a pity you missed that. Some days before Apocryphos attacked, we ended up seeing Allen Walker and Raz performing as pierrots. Dancing, juggling, this sort of thing. Why, Walker even sang a little." He tapped his chin in thought. "Actually… It was a companion piece to that song Sheryl and Tyki heard Raziah singing once. About the Erica flowers _?"_

This got their attention.

"You didn't say anything at the time."

"Must have slipped my mind." The other replied with a dismissing gesture, not being believed by any of the presents. "She probably remembered it somehow and taught it to him, you said he also heard her that night. In anyway." He went on before anyone could ask anything about it. "The whole thing was kinda of _adorable_ , right?"

Sheryl hid his face on one hand as he shook his head in what could be exasperation.

Tyki, on another hand, still had his thoughts in the white and black dance as if the memory refused to leave. Walker jumping on a ball as he juggled, Raz dancing around it with her hair following the movements, falling on her back and how afterwards she had moved slowly with the melody she took from the flute…

It had been pleasant to watch, no doubt.

He didn't know about the others, but from what he knew of Road, yes, maybe she would really lament missing that.

**XxX**

Only after turning his office upside down to be sure there were no listening devices of any sort, using a golem to try to identify any material that could be used as such, was that Komui called Reever, Noise Marie, Miranda Lotto, Lenalee Lee and Alistar Krory.

"Did something happen, Komui?" Miranda asked, hoping it wasn't bad news. While she was seated in the couch, Reever stood behind her, the firm hand resting on her shoulder. At her side, Marie noticed the gesture but didn't say anything, his attention more focused in what Komui had to say.

Lenalee, as well as Marie, had an idea that this could be something related to Kanda's return as the samurai stood near her brother's table in silence, his eyes going over each of them in examination, in that particular way of Kanda that could give the sensation that he was tearing their skins off.

"Kanda?" She asked in a soft tone. Despite how he had returned just yesterday, Lenalee hadn't had time to talk to him, as she had barely seen him around.

The samurai's expression didn't change at all and his voice was a whip in the air.

"Cards on the table. Does anyone here _still_ believe in Allen Walker?"

* * *

**Wolf: So, it seems we will have a little reunion soon...**

**Sheryl: About time!**

**Wolf: ... Uh... I was talking about Allen and the guys of the Order.**

**Sheryl: ... I should break your neck.**

**Kanda: Get in the line, I was here first!**

**Wolf: The way you guys love me is so touching -** _sarcastic -_ **Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with this.** _  
_

**Lavi: At least it's confirmed we'll appear soon.**

**Road: Yes, get out of the "dusty corner" here. It is boring.**

**Allen: What were you guys doing until now, anyway?**

**Lavi: Playing cards. Not much to do.**

**Alison: I know I've never met Road, but I'm not sure I want to. Did she really pierce Allen's eye with a candle?**

**Wolf: And in their next meeting, she kissed him.**

**Alison: Nice, as if there aren't enough psychos in that clan...**

**Wolf: You haven't seen anything yet...**


	22. Act Twenty-Two – Broken Crystal

_"The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you'll never have." –_ Soren Kierkegaard

Miranda straightened the collar of her black and silver uniform, keeping her controlled front. Even if the people were used to the nervousness that was part of her nature, she somehow felt that letting it all overflow wouldn't be a good idea. It could seem as paranoia to others, but considering the surveillance of the last months and what she was _truly_ about to do…

The tension of now was of being found out.

She couldn't deny that it was disturbing, actually. Not even the invasion in the other Headquarters, in which a Noah had managed to infiltrate (and no one knew for how long, that was the worst of it) and open a gate for the akumas and they had first seen a Level Four hadn't had an effect such as now.

Even if taking in account the deal with Alma Karma and the loss of the Thirds, there was something in this inflexibility of now that she didn't like at tall.

It was too strong so she could find refuge in some excuse for this sort of behavior.

And when the woman thought about it, she couldn't truly think _when_ that had started. More strictly, firmer schedules, more frequent reports that demanded more details… Small things here and there that, separated weren't much, until they were placed together.

" _One thing here, one there, with a bit of time between them and no one realizes at once."_ She reflected vaguely, the attention of her mind focused in another point.

She was going to see Allen.

If what Kanda had said was true (and he had no reason to lying) they were going to meet Allen!

Just the idea sent a warm fire in her and the way she missed him became stronger. Curious, as if for knowing she was finally going to see him again after months worrying and fearing the worst made now the longing of a whole life to burn in a moment alone.

"Ready?" Reever asked her, Noise Marie and Kanda, though his eyes were fixed on her. Surprisingly, Komui and Kanda's excuse had worked… After sending Lenalee and Krory in a mission, they had given another to Kanda's unit, sending them all together as quickly as possible under the pretext that the new General wanted to evaluate the performance of his "pupils".

Oh, they would take care of those missions in question, but just after a far more secret and important thing: Rescuing Lavi.

Once arriving at the city they were going to, instead of investigating what they were supposed to, Lenalee and Krory would take a train to another place. So, they would go to the city where Allen was.

If someone who deserved a sincere answer asked him, Reever would say he was impressed that the whole thing seemed to be working and, considering it was Kanda and how he had spent months away, Reever would have expected a vehement denial and even more interrogatories.

" _But if it is really working and they manage to help Lavi, isn't this what matters the most?"_ He wondered as he looked to Miranda. No. It wasn't just this what mattered... What mattered was also that they came back alive.

His mouth felt dry.

He had no idea of what the plan to rescue Lavi was, but he knew they would have to face the Noah… Despite the fact they were in a war against them, the idea of going to face them directly like that…

His legs moved alone, before the brain could truly send the command through the nerves and he approached Miranda, who gave him a gentle smile.

"Ready? Really?" He whispered leaning to her as Noise Marie and Kanda spoke with others in charge of the portals and agents. Kanda seemed impatient and though that was his usual expression, Reever would bet everything how he was really annoyed by the mere presence of the special agents.

"Yes, I am. At least I think I am…" The woman added quietly. Reever realized it wasn't just his mouth that was dry, all his body felt like it and as much as the truth of all filled him and buried the wish, it still existed: The wish that Miranda didn't have to go.

It wasn't that he wanted _any_ of them to go, even after years in the Order, there was always a worry when one of them left for a mission. Even something that could be deemed as "usual" as recover an Innocence could end up as the person coming back in a coffin (if there was something left to bury) and no one could ever get used to this.

"Please, be careful, okay?" He whispered, trying to hold the urgency that fought for space in his voice and focusing in the present, there was no time to dissect what happened to him to understand. It wasn't as if Miranda was going alone.

As if reading her thoughts, the woman confirmed.

"I'll be fine. The others are coming too." She didn't refer just to the unit she was in, but also about Lenalee and the others with whom they would meet soon. For an instance, she almost touched Reever's face as if the gesture could calm him, but she controlled herself. "Kanda and Marie will be there…"

And it wasn't as if she was helpless either, but the only thing Reever could think now were the scars on her hands, hidden now by the uniform's gloves.

"I know, but even so…" He hesitated, because there weren't words to follow those, no way to finish the phrase, so a gesture of head had to work before he let go and walked away as Miranda gave a "goodbye" smile before going to join Kanda and Marie.

She looked back and waved briefly before disappearing in the complete whiteness of the portal and even if this could be just a "see you later" to all the presents, it was to Reever she had been looking at as if still wanting to calm him.

For the first time in long, Reever caught himself truly praying and wishing that whatever God was up there, was listening to him.

" _Let her come back safely. Let her come back alive and well…"_

Because, of all moments, it was now that Reever realized he wouldn't know what to do if he could no longer look in the brown eyes of Miranda Lotto again.

**XxX**

Trips could always be exciting. Be it due to going to a new place, be for being among new friends, be to meet someone. And though the last two were really part of a whole there was still a sensation that wasn't all pleasing: The tension and fear that started to grab their veins and squeeze them.

"Calm down, Miranda, it will all work out." Lenalee said with a smile. Just like the older woman, she felt her body had far more energy than it could hold once she couldn't find a comfortable position and frequently wiggled in her seat as a child.

They would see Allen! They would finally see Allen again!

She couldn't stop thinking about it.

Krory was sitting at her side and while the vampire also seemed anxious, he was more controlled.

They had met soon, despite the whole thing taking hours: Upon arriving in the cities of their missions, they had walked around a little for precaution and then left to the train station while still being cautions for agents around (Kanda had been absolute in this point: The maximum of caution) and though the cities Komui had picked had least distance between them, it didn't mean they were "neighbors".

They had had to meet in another city and _now_ from there they were on way to where Allen was. From the window, they could see the sun starting to hide behind the trees, the last rays going as arrows over them while pulling a mantle that went from golden to dark blue, carrying with it the first stars.

"I can't…" The woman muttered, shaking her head slowly and leaning her forehead in one of her hands, excitement mixing with a heavy feeling. They had taken off their uniforms and now wore normal clothes so no one would recognize the Order's symbol. There was something almost weird at the sensation of being in a kind of mission and not wearing the uniforms. They were too used to this.

Kanda and Marie were in a separated cabin and Lenalee imagined how they would be. Actually, she would have liked if Kanda had talked more about his meeting with Allen and how he was, but the samurai had limited himself to basic info and this only after he had been sure there was no risk that anyone there would speak of what they shouldn't around.

"Allen is not alone, that's good!" Well, a part of Lenalee couldn't help the natural discomfort of thinking that one of the people with him was a… A _Noah._ Not that she doubted Allen's judgment, of course, and Kanda also had given that the girl had been with Allen for months now… Yet…

It was a disturbing thought.

Lenalee thought about the Noah she knew, battles they had had… All those years fighting Akumas, knowing they were created by the Millennium Earl… That a friend now was traveling with a member of that Clan made her muscles shiver with spasms.

Miranda just shook her head and even Krory stayed quiet as he thought. Lenalee kept a sigh, aware of what they were probably thinking. A little voice coming from the depths of her mind whispered that those people who were also there had done what they hadn't: Stayed at Allen's side.

" _But we couldn't have done anything! And they met him_ after _us, after the deal with the Fourteenth, even after he… After he went away from the Order. But even so, he is still an Exorcist. He said so! He is!"_ And she tried to suffocate the sensation with an attempt to conversation.

"What matters is that we're going to see him and he is fine! That's the most important of all." She wasn't going to let the happiness of meeting him again be poisoned, not after nights wondering how he was. The girl realized she had started to play with her hands and something bitterly cold was crawling in her heart. Immediately she continued to talk as if as such she could push that away from herself. "And Allen hasn't been consumed by the Fourteenth, he is fighting. I was afraid, all this time without news, but he is fine and…"

"That's the problem…" Miranda muttered, face still hidden in her hand. Lenalee became quiet when the woman looked at her, eyes marked by some emotion… Used to Miranda's insecurity, Lenalee at first thought it was something of this nature to soon realize what she was seeing was shame.

She spied to the side. Krory had his eyes fixated in seat ahead, not saying anything to it.

Miranda sighed.

"How will I even _look_ at him?"

Lenalee felt her mouth go dry in a second, tongue a mass of useless flesh, but she shook her head not looking away. Brief scenes of her last meeting with him jumped in her mind like fishes before disappearing, his smile, how she had begged him to stay, the young man saying he would always be an Exorcist…

"Miranda… You _know_ Allen. He… He is _Allen."_ It was as if there was no better way of describing him than simple by his name and aware of her poor attempt, she almost smiled. "He knows we couldn't have done anything, not with Levelier stopping us as he did. I don't say we were right, but…"

But the woman still shook her head, indicating that those words didn't make her feel any better. The central point perhaps wasn't even this. Krory looked at Miranda and then his eyes lowered again.

"Lenalee…" The muttering was low and gentle, but there was no alteration in his expression. "That's the point. I…"

Miranda sighed, shaking her head slowly, the dark brown ponytail waving as she tried to force her feelings in the limiting shape of words.

"We didn't _try._ Levelier just told us we were forbidden and we accepted it, we didn't even protest against it, actually. We didn't even try to see him by force. We didn't try to do _anything."_

"But there was nothing we could have done! Levelier put guards, surveillance, there was no way how…"

"No, but we just accepted it anyway." Krory said in a quiet voice aside, looking now to Lenalee, who could just look at him in response. "Indeed, we wouldn't have been able to do anything, but we just lowered our heads like dogs and that was it… We sat there and just felt sorry for what was happening, nothing else. And in this lies our abandonment."

" _Our sin…"_ A voice whispered in Miranda's mind and while one could consider it a dramatic way to place things, it wasn't what she felt. Because abandoning a friend, in her opinion, was cruel enough to be classified as such. Shame and guilt mixed in her and knowing that Allen, _being Allen,_ would just smile and say that it was alright… This only made her feel worse.

Even if she apologized, this fact wouldn't ever be erased.

"I want to see him very much, Lenalee, and I'm so, so happy that he is fine, but… After what I did…"

Once again, Miranda looked at Lenalee.

"How will I look at him?"

**XxX**

"Allen, is this _really_ a good idea?"

"Look, I trust you, it is _them_ I'm worried about."

Allen's attention was divided between Elana and Lauren and watching the train's rails waiting the noise that would arrive first, of wheels in metal, announcing the train before it came into view. As he was standing, Lauren and Elana were sitting in a bench behind with Johnny.

"I'm sure things will work out!" He said, even if he couldn't shake the weight he felt. "And I doubt Kanda would have agreed and told if they weren't trustworthy." _Personally_ speaking, he still trusted them, but he wasn't sure this would be a strong enough justification. Kanda had been back there and spoken to them, so he would know more, per say.

" _Four months… One hundred and fifty-three days. Much time. Time enough to change things…"_

Elana seemed about to disagree, but she sighed and limited to stand at his side in the edge, not looking at the trails' direction as they disappeared in the night, but more to the roof though there was nothing indicating anything there.

The agreement had been that, at any signal of an agent from the Central or any sort of troubles, Raz, Alison and Samuel would attack from there, having the surprise element at their favor.

Out of respect and the trust she had for Allen, Elana decided to not confront him about it… If they truly were to go on a rescue of this nature, they needed more power (this was something she knew some of them were doing for _Allen,_ even if this was the right thing to do and that was enough).

But this didn't mean they felt comfortable in exposing themselves to the members of the Order.

" _There are a lot of people coming to know about us lately…"_ Alison had complained and Elana had to agree with a bitterness that she didn't usually feel. Samuel had felt it when they were coming to the station and before walking away to climb to the roof, he had held her hand, kissing her fingers as he always did while he told Elana they would be ready to all, hesitating for a moment as if he meant to say something else.

Recalling his touch calmed her a little. She couldn't like that situation no matter how necessary.

Johnny Gil remained sitting at Lauren's side and didn't seem to fully know what to say or how to act here… Even Lauren didn't seem happy to meet those Exorcists, no matter how Allen had tried to tell they were nice and trustworthy friends.

Though he smiled, Allen actually still felt now the fragility of the doubt. He couldn't stop thinking of less than pleasant scenarios about meeting the others again… He missed them, of course, and he knew he could trust Kanda to not bring anyone that could denounce them… And it hurt to think that any of his friends from the Order could have ended up believing he was a traitor.

And… What if someone wasn't there because Kanda had found out they didn't believe him? And the ones that came along, how would they react upon seeing him?

And why, even if he believed they wouldn't denounce him or the others (for any reasons), something deep in him still felt so heavy?

He tried to approach the obvious reasons and justify them, to no avail. His heart was still pulled down, dulled by some gray thing that left him numb. Allen wanted to believe that they would all see each other and hug as if those months weren't more than a second…

And yet, a part of him was almost afraid.

" _Nonsense, this doesn't matter. You'll see them again!"_ Yes, and there were no words to express how this made him excited that was the point. The train would be here at any moment and his whole being was suffering the delicious torture of one expecting friends on the way!

That little seed, however, was still in him and he couldn't suffocate it no matter how much he tried.

" _Damn, I… I have no reason to feel like this!"_ And he didn't want to go deep into analyzing that emotion, even if his mind made up sketches that had no defined shape enough to be understood, just strong enough to cause that heavy effect.

His attention was dragged outside his mind to the undeniable sound of something big running over trails and the boy stretched himself, the anxiety forcing his body to move without command.

This wasn't very shared by the others except for Johnny. Elana and Lauren just looked at each other and the blonde once more looked to the roof, a shadow darker than the night detached itself in movement almost oily-like, just enough to Elana be sure that there was something there and watching over.

Allen walked back to the bank and thought about taking a seat, but soon changed his mind. There would no comfort in standing or sitting anyway.

He studied the sea of people that bleed from the train, waiting. Kanda would be with the group and they had combined to meet in that small area of the platform under the stars, reserved to people waiting. He needed to tell himself to not look for the Order's uniforms, surprising himself upon realizing how much the association was rooted in his mind and now understood how something like this could have even helped he and the other Exiled to keep low for so long.

Bit by bit, it was possible to notice something going against the current of passengers, a drop of oil among the waters that came to where he was and, risking a look, he saw Elana somehow seemed more like a statue. The face of Lauren had gone from light chocolate to grey-like and she showed nothing related to calmness or her usual cheerfulness. Johnny seemed tense, but Allen judged it was more due to the situation as a whole.

Among the crowd, figures started to detach themselves. Black hair with a long white strand, dark brown hair and black with a stone green like reflex…

And in front of him were Miranda Lotto, Alistar Krory, Lenalee Lee and Noise Marie, with Kanda nearby spying around with hawk eyes, or just not up to see the reunion of them.

During all days of those months, Allen had thought a lot in what he could/wanted to say to each of them if they met again. However now, all words had died and he couldn't remember any of them, let alone force himself to say them…

The others seemed to be in the same state, for they could just look at him.

Krory opened and closed his mouth as if he couldn't decide if he wanted to say something or not. Lenalee gave a tentatively step to him, trying to smile…

No one made a move.

"Hi, guys…" Allen needed to break the silence even if it was just with a whisper as he looked at them all. Lenalee's hair was longer… Krory looked somewhat taller or was his impression?

The words were getting caught in his throat.

Krory made a sound as someone swallowing a word or laughter. Taking all in account, a " _Hi, guys_ " wasn't at all up to the circumstances.

Not that any other greeting would have sounded much better and he knew it. Why was it so hard? It shouldn't be like this. He wanted to say something, but his mouth tasted of ashes.

None of them paid attention to the roof or to the two girls behind Allen, focused in seeing their friend as they were. Allen had a good appearance, for a runaway of a great organization… A little skinner, his hair had grown and a bit more under his shoulders, but overall healthy and without visible injures…

"Allen…" Lenalee started. Suddenly it all felt back to that night in which Allen had left. A part of his mind kept going back to what would have happened if he had stayed like she had asked and the idea followed for a way that, for some reason, her mind refused to fully see.

"It's good to see you all again!" Allen continued with a smile appearing in his face. It was similar to many smiles Miranda had seen from him, after learning he was a host of a Noah… Lenalee approached, meaning to hug him and say how much she had missed him, but her bones were iron and her muscles were as useless as when Road had paralyzed her as a doll.

"Allen… Allen, you…" Krory started, words getting tangled. "You're still…" Still what? Smiling as if there was nothing wrong? Getting into trouble? The vampire gave a weak chuckle. "You."

Like Lenalee had said… Allen was Allen.

Elana and Lauren looked at each other once again. Johnny couldn't help seeing the same they were… That seemed more with people forced to meet each other, almost like a bad play than a true meeting of friends.

" _It shouldn't be like this…"_ The thought was ridiculous. How many things really were how they were supposed to be lately?

Johnny remembered how he had felt when seeing Kanda and Allen arguing due to the shackles. That had felt light and nostalgic, had a feeling of home-y… Nothing like this.

"It's good to see you again…" Marie muttered with a nod. He wasn't truly close of Allen like the others and somehow his voice sounded more natural, less tense than the others. Behind Allen was Johnny, with two unknown female heartbeats…

Wait…

That woman…

"Verenaris…" He attracted the blonde's attention. Kanda, who had been more concentrated in observing around for suspicious people, looked from him to the woman with a frown (hard to say if it was for annoyance, curiosity or if he didn't even really care).

Elana gazed at him for a moment before nodding at him, out of habit, but not approaching or giving any positive signal. On another hand, this was something in itself.

"Marie…" She said and feeling that she should be polite and say something more, she risked. "It… It's pleasant to see you." The words left a bitter taste in her mouth, sounding too hypocrite once, while they had never had troubles when she was in the Order, they hadn't been part of the same units and hadn't been close.

"You too…" The man replied. It wasn't that easy to just greet someone who you believed to be dead since years ago.

He also couldn't help to pick up signs that indicated she was different from his memories. The complex melody of her heart was calm and controlled, but there was an indication underneath that doctors wouldn't pick up. Same with her voice. There was a sub-tone there, that came from dull wounds, from pain.

He also could sense that she wasn't at all happy.

Elana just made a sound of acceptance, knowing that Marie, better than any of the presents, would not be fooled by a veil of politeness. Even if she wanted to believe that neither of those people would say anything, the discomfort wouldn't just go away even if she tried.

"We missed you so much!" Miranda's eyes were on him as if she wanted to confirm several times that he was fine and okay. The words still sounded weak, but the sincerity was there.

"And I missed you guys!" He replied, some excitement finding its way to his voice. "So much has happened, I…"

There was no way to cut all he felt to put into words. All he felt in the last months now were a whole mass, as if he was going through every second again but in a faster speed.

"Yeah, yeah, we can have this talk later!" Kanda growled, finally losing his patience and going over to them. "We all fine, right, _beautiful_ , let's go!" It didn't please him to stay in an open field like this right now, no matter how sure he was that there were no Crows around. Which should make him relieved, actually bothered him more…

Could it be that Levelier had truly believed all those lies they had thrown at him?

Allen couldn't help laughing at this, starting to feel a lighter sensation now.

"Hey…" He muttered quietly. "Uh… How is everyone at the Order?"

**XxX**

Slithering like panthers, Samuel, Alison and Raz went across the roof, climbing down slowly with some help from Raz's shadows which made small protuberances to help their way down and floating close as to hide them, enough so people passing by wouldn't notice… Not that anyone would, unless they decided to enter the alley they were heading to as they went down.

They still kept their distances, not wanting to reveal themselves yet and rather keeping watching for a while longer. Allen hadn't insisted that he trusted those people, his words being strong enough to not need repetition, but it didn't mean the rest of the group would just accept it and be quiet. It was already too much they had accepted getting in contact with people from the Order.

If it wasn't for the necessity, they would all have refused that idea no matter what.

So, they walked a bit away in spaces without lights in the street, watching the group with attention. Samuel and Raz on a side of the street and Alison on the other. No signal of violence until now and the only reaction to Elana and Lauren had been that the shorter girl seemed to have heard of them and the bald tall man had greeted Elana…

Fine, then.

Alison wasn't surprised with the lack of recognition. The Order was huge and most of the… _Exorcists_ , was always out in missions and some stayed more in other Headquarters than the principal one. She had been one of those, for example.

From the Exorcists that were with Allen, she knew Noise Marie from sight... Not that they had ever spoken. She could barely remember him. The shorter girl could only be Lenalee Lee (she had a brother at the Order too, if Alison wasn't mistaken) and the other two could only be Miranda Lotto and Alistar Krory.

That was the group that had remained after the Noah slaughter.

" _Siriel… Tina…"_ She caught herself thinking about them. Siriel Volkaren had been in Yeegar's unit with her and Tina Spark had been in Klaud's unit.

Alison had known them well. They had been her friends and she had missed them terribly when she had left. To know they were both dead… Siriel's eyes, so blue, came to her mind as his soft manners and Alison could remember Tina's little jokes and the smile that always made her look younger…

Now they were gone…

" _Free. More than us…"_ The thought came without control, but she ignored it for now, placing her attention in a line leading to that new group, searching for any signal that there was someone else around… Until now, nothing weird.

Could they be trusted?

" _Maybe they are all just waiting until we reach an empty place or something like that…"_ Somehow it seemed the man of black-and-white hair had noticed her presence. There were times his dark eyes crossed the street and stopped on her direction…

How?

Even so, he too seemed to be paying more importance to meeting Allen than whether or not they were being watched. Kanda, on another hand, looked as annoyed as always yet Alison knew he was equally attentive to their surroundings.

_"_ Do you think we can really trust them?" Due to the deepness of his voice, Samuel's whisper sounded more like the purring of a tiger. His waved hair, almost a dreadlock style, fell over his shoulders in shining snakes.

Raz shook her head slowly to show she didn't know. Allen clearly trusted them and despite initially looking nervous, now he was smiling and talked more…

Even not being close, there were some fragments of words that she could pick up.

"My brother believes you too, Allen." The girl of straight hair falling under her shoulders told and Allen said something, the news obvious being welcome. The tall man with dark skin said something with a gesture of head. Raz couldn't hear him, but he seemed to be confirming what was being said and Allen's reaction was positive, of who hears good news.

Raz soon realized she would rather look at the street than at that.

Ridiculous, why? Allen was meeting the people he liked and who he had told her about… She should be _happy_ for him.

Only that any positive feeling was chained by something dark and heavy, making it too weak to matter. For an instance, an instance filled by _insanity,_ she wanted to leave, to run to an alley and stay there, still and quiet and hidden.

" _Why? There is no reason for me to feel like this…"_

" _They are together. They are equal. You aren't."_ A voice seemed to whisper in her mind, coming from the deep corner where the bad thoughts are. That was true, those were all Innocence Accommodators and she was a Noah. A black piece thrown among the white ones in a chessboard.

That girl had said her brother believed in Allen too. That other voice, more physical and firmer than one from thoughts, of the Noah called Wisely (and God, there had been such a _familiarity_ in that telepathy) calling them "little siblings" had been teasing, but it had also had something _genuine_ …

" _And do you even know what this_ is?" No. Well, she knew the meaning of the word, but the concept was as foggy as the concept of parents.

Family.

She had heard several times the Clan of Noah being also called the Noah Family, however some words have a greater meaning than their sound and it was like this with that term that her being had no capacity to process.

She didn't remember anything related to that, but it created a curious sensation…

That was what Raz felt now. A kind of empty space inside that made a living line, searching for a point of the past that seemed inexistent. And under her skin, the Noah felt cold…

What _was_ that? This wish to be filled, to find something she didn't know what was?

She couldn't look at the group. That made her ill, it hurt her eyes.

She _didn't want_ to be there.

**XxX**

To meet the group personally didn't do much to relief either of the other Exiled. They had picked that city due to the abandoned house they had found in the woods a bit away after wandering around and after discussing about it. They knew little about the house, but the rumors of ghosts (which came with all abandoned places in reality) and its localization were enough to use it as a hiding place for now. Except for some squirrels and two or three rats that they had chased away, there was no signal of life there.

It wasn't the absolute ideal, but it would be risky if they stayed all in the same inn, no matter the size and especially because they didn't know what could happen during the rescue. When dealing with so many variables and possibilities, it would be better if they at least had a place for themselves.

Until now, none of those new people had showed anything that confirmed the negative suspicions, but it was still hard to feel in peace.

"And they are Alison Rouwen, Samuel Kallen and Raz." Allen introduced them as Kanda finally typed the code given by Reever and the shackles around Allen and Johnny's wrist let out a little hiss as they opened. Both men sighed in relief to this while Kanda mumbled how he wanted to reduce those things to dust.

With the presentations, Allen now just hoped the sensation of sterile air would fade with time.

The three of them and the Exorcists exchanged greetings, shaking hands.

"Pleasure to meet you." Miranda smiled when holding Samuel's hand and turning to the green-eyed girl at his side, who accepted the gesture politely even if she didn't smile back. The other, however…

Her appearance was human, almost normal.

It was just her _appearance…_

Out of her control, remembrances got free violently and attacked her mind. That girl, Road… It had been the first contact she had had with what would become her world, the akumas, Innocence…

Road laughing as a child in Christmas morning, while her voice still had a cold characteristic to it. The burning pain in her hands that didn't cease, flesh and muscles perforated and she had been luck to not lose completely the hands' movement. Lenalee sitting still as a corpse untouched by decomposition, wearing a fancy dress as the other girl combed her hair commenting how she would keep Lenalee as her new doll. Road nestling herself against Allen to prove she wasn't a machine before candles lunged at him and stabbed his eye…

"Pleasure to meet you…" Miranda managed to keep her voice firm enough, but she felt cold. The girl tilted her head to the side briefly before shaking her hand with a strange look. The woman's instinctive side cried, the same way it would if she had seen a snake or another dangerous animal and she was relieved when the contact came to an end. Lenalee tried to keep a polite smile as well, but didn't feel like looking at that girl for long.

" _Nonsense, she is with Allen. There is no reason to be afraid of her…"_ Lenalee tried to tell herself, with little success. That human's appearance was common, harmless, but knowing what lurked underneath was of no help, no matter how much she tried to think it was good how Allen hadn't been alone.

" _She is still a Noah."_ There was no avoiding the thought, deciding to pay more attention in the other people than that girl.

"Maybe we should just go in already. Some rooms here are in shape good enough to leave our things and talk." Lauren said quickly, hating this and just wanting to do something about the awkwardness, giving her back to everyone without waiting for answers as she opened the old door, that let out a long groan.

They didn't know for how long the house had been unoccupied, but it was clear it had seen better days. Even with some broken windows, the air still had an old quality that was expected and it mixed to the smell of wood and leaves that had got in and rotten… All around was aged by layers of dust that hid the true colors and made sarcophagus out of the furniture, even if they had spent two days trying to make the place at least _bearable._

The oval hall received them, a little moonlight coming from the windows, some in brighter rays when through the broken parts. The stairs were on each side near the path to other rooms and Lauren too the steps in the left, the steps groaning.

Despite having passed a rag in the railway (funny, they could take sleeping in the streets and the wild, see people turning into black corpses that would break in dust, but none of them could stand an environment like that without trying to do something about it), the touch was still strangely harsh, as rubbing your hand in dead skin.

The idea made her chose to go up without support, as she internally thanked that the steps were still firm enough.

"Are you all sure no one comes here?" Kanda asked with a groan, despite being sure they hadn't been followed by anyone (which made him conclude Link hadn't managed to follow the Moyashi since that city they had found him in, not with all that mess), all preventive measures should be considered.

Someone who didn't know the Order could consider this an exaggeration that edged paranoia, but Kanda knew well what they were able to do and how they could behave.

Personally speaking, he would have preferred the life of an Exiled to the one of an Exorcist.

At the same time, if being a General gave him the chance to denounce what the Order truly did, then he would. Tiedoll had been right in saying he hated the Order, he just didn't know how deep it was.

"Look around, Kanda. No one would _want_ to come here." Except for some bored teenagers perhaps, in which case, they could ask Raz to chase them away with her shadows. People would pin that in the rumors of ghosts and with luck, they wouldn't be around time enough for the rumors to reach the Order anyway.

"And… How did you find this house?" Krory tried to start a kind of conversation as they followed to the second floor. He and the Exorcists didn't carry more than normal, a small bag with some first aid items and the change of clothes they had hidden.

"It was more by chance…" Samuel told simply. They wouldn't be able to do anything if they didn't at least try a little regarding those people. It didn't imply they had to be _friends,_ yet the man attempted to smile.

"We decided to explore around the city, since a hotel would be too risky. We're more talking about where else we could go when we found an old path and this house. We don't know who used to live here." Allen shrugged, aware there probably was a story behind the house, as it had its story of haunting too. "But I don't think it matters much. I mean, we can use it for a while".

He did his best to not think in how many of them would be back from what they were going to do.

**XxX**

"Those are the rooms in better state. At least we can use them…" Allen went on as he opened a door of one. The bed was just a skeleton of wood with a smaller mattress than expected. The boy wouldn't tell this detail, but the mattress they had found here not only was tore apart as an unpleasant smell, enough so they knew there were chances some animal had nestled there and died.

They had taken the thing and thrown it in the lower floor, leaving it in a corner. There was no reason to reform the whole place (as if they could), but the least of cleaning was necessary. The other mattress they had put in its place wasn't in better state, but at least didn't smell so bad and one still could try to sleep on it.

"It isn't much, but it's just for a while." He went on, aware he was just babbling. He wanted to stop and he wanted to continue. The silence would be better and worse. Part of his mind tried to find words, the right words, and there was nothing. "And we have some food too, so we could eat as we talk and…"

"Allen…" Marie called him as he took off the grey coat he had been wearing. "It's an abandoned house, we know, we weren't expecting a five-star hotel, alright?"

The boy chuckled, scratching the back of his head. The sound was weak and was devoured by the growing silence. Whatever was in his throat didn't seem to want to move and it suffocated him.

Raz, along with the other Exiled, had walked away. Allen knew they weren't far from the room, just enough to give them all privacy and he was grateful for this. As friends as they were, Allen had missed Lenalee, Miranda, Krory… All of them.

But now, months after all and he had no words…

And suddenly, he wanted to leave.

"I really missed you guys…" He tried again, bothered by how cliché it sounded and wishing he had better words and terms, that he would feel comfortable to hug them as he would have done before and… And…

Something in him stopped this. Seeing them again had made him happy, yes, but there was a kind of sadness too that he had only realized it existed now, which had been intertwined with the longing and it became one thing.

Now it had separated and stood out alone. It couldn't be ignored, it couldn't be buried.

"You're alright, aren't you? You didn't have problems?" The subject was unpleasant and necessary at the same time. Sure, they hadn't been interrogated too much or even classified as suspects or something, right? _Right?_

"Allen…" Miranda was the one who called him this time, her soft tone having a hidden quality that worked to create silence once more. The white-haired man observed the woman playing with her hands before she walked to him, clearly wanting to say that and now knowing how to begin.

"Miranda?" Allen felt a new tension that had nothing to do with what he felt in personal level. Had something happened? Something bad, he didn't know about?

The woman looked at him.

"We're sorry."

He blinked, for a moment it had been as if she had spoken in a foreigner language.

"Wait…" He looked at the others. Lenalee had her eyes on the floor, playing with the hem of her shirt. Krory had never seemed this serious unless his Innocence was activated, freeing that more ferocious side of his personality. Marie seemed upset. Kanda, on another hand, watched it all with coldness.

"But I'm fine, everything's…"

"Please." Miranda raised her hand in a request for silence, a slow gesture, even delicate and her eyes never left his.

"I… We haven't been good friends to you…" This time it was Krory who spoke, in a similar tone. The thing in Allen seemed to pulsate and he replied.

"Levelier stopped you from seeing me, I _know_ , so…"

"It doesn't matter. In the end, we weren't there for you…" Miranda insisted in a voice that Allen had never heard before and something in her eyes made her look older. "Levelier forbade us, yes, but we just… Stood there. We felt bad about it, but we still didn't do anything about it."

Allen wanted to say that he understood, that there had been fear and that they certainly would have done something if they could.

"We believed you." Lenalee hurried to say, approaching him. "We never stopped believing you…" She didn't know what else to say, something in her yelled that this wasn't enough, as if there was something in here that she could _feel_ but not see.

"I'm thankful that you did, this…" It wasn't a lie and Allen meant to say this was enough, but… Yet, he recalled the night he had told Raz all the truth and everything he had had to process into words had turned more real and solid, until they were useless sounds and he had ended up crying.

" _Why didn't they just trust me?"_

He knew this thought _wasn't_ directed to Miranda, Lenalee or any of them. Still it existed all the same.

"You were _always_ with us, Allen…" The words from Krory pulled his focus back to the room he was standing in. "But when the time came for us to be at your side, we weren't. Or even tried to. Maybe we wouldn't have been able to," He added when Allen seemed to be able to protest again. "But it doesn't matter, friends _don't_ act like this"

Marie didn't say anything, however even if he hadn't been close to Allen like the others, he had thought that it wasn't fair of the Order to lock him up like they had done. Some had been speaking about executing him, even if Allen had still tried to stay after his state as host had come into light.

"I'm sorry…" Krory said. "I'm _so_ sorry, Allen…"

"We all are…" Miranda's voice shook for the first time, though the woman refused to cry. She wasn't apologizing to show how her regret was huge (it was), but because she wanted Allen to know she was aware of what she had done and that she didn't want to repeat the mistake ever again. This wouldn't solve the situation or change the course of things, Miranda knew it, but…

" _Apologies… Just words. What good are they for?"_

"Can you forgive us for this?" Lenalee whispered.

Allen could just look from one to another, unable to deny that he was a little surprised by all this. Even if there had been some… Anger… Regarding the Order (he couldn't deny it anymore) under the hurt, nothing of this had been directed to any of them. Regarding his friends, he hadn't blamed any of them for anything, just missed them and hoped they still believed him.

And they did, so why…

" _Oh,"_ A little mocking voice sounded in his mind. " _But have you forgotten those moments? Hour after hour in that place, until you didn't know what time was it, if people were bringing you lunch or dinner?"_

His friends hadn't done this and there was nothing they could have done to stop it. Even if the Order had had reasons, he had already admitted that this had made him feel betrayed, the sadness at a point taking the anger away, but nothing of this had been directed at those people…

" _Staying awake even when you were exhausted, afraid and fighting to keep on, to keep your_ existence, _fearing what could happen at any second, scared of even yourself, unable to escape…"_ The voice went on. " _Nothing but the silence around, you knew they couldn't come, but even so, weren't there moments in which you wanted them,_ needed _them?"_

They wouldn't have been able to do anything! Even if they had tried, so what!

" _But you were sad, weren't you? You were left alone, weren't you?"_

" _I… I was…"_ His eyes at some point had turned to the ground and those words had taken less than a second. And Allen understood what had been that feeling mixed with the yearning… Perhaps it wasn't a question of right or wrong, of being truthful to your principles or anything of this kind… But more a question of feelings. He had to admit his own hurt and assuming what he felt, they could… Could move on.

"Guys…" He muttered, no longer forcing a smile, the expression of his face becoming more real and lighter. "It is alright now, truly."

It was an acceptance of apologies and it worked to lighter the environment.

But it also brought a perception for everyone.

Events have effects, actions have consequences and things change even though we don't want them to. The feelings they had for each other hadn't changed in essence. Love hadn't turned into hatred, caring hadn't become despise…

Yet, nothing was or could be like before.

**XxX**

As they went downstairs, Allen made a brief summary of what had happened since he had left, not entering in many details that would only generate more questions than what the others had now. They had to discuss first what they would do for Lavi and Bookman, which they wouldn't be able to if they spent the next hours speaking of the past rather than discussing the ideas.

Raz and the others weren't in the hall, but in a room at the side. From the stairs, they could be seen sitting in old chairs or the clean floor (the contrast with the dirty in the walls was screaming) talking with each other.

Lenalee felt her mouth dry and even if this wasn't time for that particular subject, she couldn't help herself.

"Hm… Allen?" The boy turned to her and Lenalee thought about how to say what she meant to. "And… And the Noah?" She wasn't sure how to feel about that. A Noah and an Exorcist together was a scenario that didn't find any context and a part of her shivered before it.

"Her name is Raz."

"It's not that… Well, you did say she has been with you this whole time." Krory completed, also unsure. Not being present or having news during those months, the information had fallen on them like a punch and with a similar effect.

"You don't need to worry!" Allen affirmed, almost smiling. Those were reactions like the ones he had imagined before and maybe _he_ would have reacted the same way in his shoes. "I swear."

He could say the girl would never hurt them or that she was a nice person, however those terms sounded out of place somehow. Almost terms he would use for a dog and not a friend.

"But… Allen… A _Noah?"_

Allen shook his head lightly… Day after day of being in the Order, fights against akumas, knowing the Noah were the ones to be held in account to all that suffering… Even now, he could hear their laughter as Alma destroyed all around, the same way Johnny had remembered listening to the white-haired Noah's response to a pleading: " _We're Noah, old man. I have no mercy for you."_

It was a surprise Kanda hadn't tried to fight Raz as soon as he had met her. Allen hadn't been awake, so he supposed the surprise added to the akumas' attack had held him until the situation had been explained enough for him to leave her alone.

"After all they did…"

" _Raz_ hasn't done anything." It didn't mean she hadn't _done_ before and he knew it. But still… Out of Order, of that immutable context, Allen's mind seemed to have opened to other paths that were unseen before. "And we never stopped to ask, did we?"

None of them had an answer for that. Kanda didn't even pay attention, letting Allen and the others by the end of the stairs as he went to join the Exiled, sitting in a spot without saying anything. This wasn't unexpected to Allen, and he wondered if Kanda's thoughts had followed similar lines.

"We never stopped to _ask anything…"_ Allen went on, saying this to them and himself as well, remembering each fight with the Noah. They hadn't been as many as with the Akumas, but were the ones that had left a deeper impression.

None of them had ever stopped to question the reasons the Noah had to fight, assuming the intention to destroy humanity to be enough and that there was nothing else behind it.

The Exorcists looked from him to Raz. At the distance they were, they still could talk among them without being heard.

"I think that… Perhaps… When you do something for long enough, there comes a time when…" Krory said slowly as he reflected about what Allen had said, seeing what he meant. "You forget the reasons. Even your own. Not thinking, not analyzing, you just do. And you forget the rest."

The others turned to the vampire, blinking to what he had just said. Allen nodded.

It was more or less like it…

It didn't matter what, he trusted Raz. And not for the first time, thinking about her caused a sensation alike to what he imagined to be thinking about a sister.

**XxX**

Discussing _what_ they would do and _how_ sounded easier than the act in itself.

"I think after everything," Alison said, sitting with her elbow leaning on her knee and a serious expression. "We have the right to know _all_ that is happening."

Allen hesitated as the girl hadn't talked to him, but to the Exorcists. Allen knew she wasn't being cold on purpose or in a personal level, it was just that Alison's despise for the Order and everything related to it didn't give space for different behavior… Even if he wished she would lower her guard.

"What is happening in that place?"

Then Miranda and the others entered in details, about the new safety procedures and how the situation was, including about the recovering of Innocences. Allen tried to not feel bothered or think much of it, forcing his attention to remain in the present and not running away to hypothesis.

Equally, Allen told all he could and best way he could about those months and Apocryphos.

"Are you serious about it?" Marie had _never_ heard anything of this sort. An independent Innocence? It sounded almost absurd. Kanda scoffed with a sarcastic way, the Order would probably _love_ this: It meant less complications seeking for Accommodators and the limitations of a human body.

He recalled the countless times he had had to attempt synchronization with his Innocence during the experiments, the energy ripping his body from inside out and still that cage of flesh didn't give in, didn't die and didn't set him free.

Not him or Alma…

"For what I know, it is a unique Innocence. Tyki said it exists to protect the Heart, only that…"

"Only that this _thing_ sounds insane." Krory growled unable to hide his disgust before the idea of what had almost happened, what _would have_ happened to Allen if the Noah hadn't been there. It was too much of irony that they should thank those two for Allen still being with them.

How could a creature like that be Innocence?

"He was the one that turned Suman…" Lenalee muttered quietly and ran her hand through her hair, which was almost at her elbow. "What if we could prove it? To prove this Innocence attacked Link?" And her tone, bit by bit, trembled in the direction to anxiety and hope. "Maybe if we could, then the Order would have to recognize that they were wrong, that you were falsely accused and then you… You could…"

Allen avoided looking at her.

"I don't think that would work, Lenalee…" Miranda told her as she placed a hand on the girl's shoulder, seeing how she wanted Allen to go back with them. "And you know it…"

"But…"

The Order already searched for the Heart in an obsessive way. To know an Innocence had attacked Allen, whatever the reason be, would only make them hunt the boy even more.

"No. He would be just a bait." Samuel intervened, managing to keep the bite out of his tone, looking at the girl and then to Allen, fire in his black eyes. "Those cretins would use him to lure Apocryphos out and try to use it. Or then use the pretext that if an Innocence " _so important"_ attacked him, either to save him or because he is dangerous, it's the right thing to be done." He threw Allen an apologetic gaze for the last words. It was true and they knew it… The Order was too focused to win the war to care about much else.

Those conjectures were arrows real enough to hurt, however Allen nodded to the man. It was true and there was no denial for it.

" _If Apocryphos killed Suman,"_ Kanda thought to himself, suddenly realizing a detail. " _His Innocence didn't turn on him for running away from the Order or even how he told the Noah about other Exorcists… It was sentient enough to understand his reasons and consider them…"_ Like the Innocences of the Moyashi and Lenalee had kept them safe and there should be a reason why some people were Accommodators and others weren't.

" _Perhaps that is really just the Innocence's choice…"_

He recalled the marks in his arms, the veins standing against the skin…

" _They got weaker right after that Apocreep guy attacked…"_

"Mugen alerted me against him."

He realized he had said that out loud when the others looked to his direction.

"What are you saying?" There was no way Lauren could mask her confusion.

"Marks appeared on my arm when I was with you, before I had to leave. I thought it was a preliminary stage of turning into a Fallen…" He couldn't go on. The reactions were immediate.

"And you didn't say _anything?!"_

"Allen is right, you're an _idiot!"_

"Oh, for the love of…"

"Kanda… You are really _stupid."_ Allen mumbled, running his hand over his face and hair as if he couldn't believe it. Of all the important things to be said back then and Bakanda had chosen to keep _this_ a secret. Yes, obviously it hadn't been the case, but it would have been better if the samurai had told them about it!

"Yeah, yeah, whatever!" Kanda interrupted them, not wanting to put up with reprimands for something already done. "Point is, the marks got stronger before that thing appeared and then they were gone. I think this means that Mugen was actually trying to alert me Apocryphos was around…"

As the others exchanged looks reflecting upon his words, Kanda ran his eyes through the Exiled.

"This is also why none of you became Fallen. It wasn't just the synchronization level or because you never did anything against the Order". It was more because, like Mugen, Crown Clown and the Dark Boots and Suman's Innocence, they had understood the reasons and accepted.

" _How sentient_ are _the Innocences?"_

Allen and Raz just looked at each other, at once thinking about how the boy's arm had violently reacted to Apocryphos' presence. What Kanda had said now wasn't so much of a theory, it was almost a fact if you took all in account.

" _It means even our Innocences_ may _actually be against Apocryphos…"_ The idea warmed Allen, for then it really _couldn't be true_ that Crown Clown wanted for him to be absorbed by Apocryphos… Suman's Innocence had kept him safe from that creature and Kanda's report indicated similar reactions…

The warmth spread in him, like a comforting hug.

"And if we're done telling details of the general picture, could we go on with the subject?" Kanda went with an impatient air. It was important that all knew what was truly happening, since they kept the secret, fine, but the real matter here was how they would help the stupid redheaded.

The room became quiet.

"We don't know for sure where they would be keeping Lavi and Bookman…" Elana started, not looking at Raz. She knew the girl wouldn't be able to help as much as she would have liked and this was a delicate subject.

"Maybe a house? You said that when you met Tyki the first time, he was traveling by train and seemed to have human friends, it isn't farfetched to think they may have houses and… Well, _lives_." Or at least they lived among humans normally, so…

It made sense.

"Maybe with your eye you could sense if there was a concentration of akumas in just one place, and then…"

"Yes, but how long would this take? It could be anywhere in the world, how would…"

"I don't think so. Come on, we're all thinking about it… The Ark." Krory interrupted holding his chin. Even a well-guarded house still offered chances for a prisoner to try running away. The Ark would be safer and also isolated, offering more freedom of action to the Noah…

Krory didn't feel good after saying this, it meant they could torture Lavi and Bookman without any problem of a human passing by and hearing screams for example.

As much as they didn't care about killing people, the Noahs weren't stupid to expose themselves easily.

Lauren sighed as she shook her head.

"What were we even saying? We know it is. It can only be, it's obvious…" Not that being obvious made of it a good thing, quite the contrary. And the reasons why they hadn't wanted to just go and say it was just as clear. Lauren sighed again. "Great. Just _great_."

Instead of being an obstacle less to deduce the localization, it had turned into another problem.

"To find exactly _where_ in the Ark they are being kept…" Elana started, slowly. "Fight the akumas _and_ the Noahs that will be there. Get them. Come back with them… And that _if_ we find a way to enter there in the first place…"

"The Black Ark is completely of the Noahs…" Johnny commented with an emptiness that made him feel he had no organs. "It isn't like entering a house."

" _That's why Wisely told us so easily."_ Raz reflected. " _He probably wanted to tease us or maybe he thinks Allen may offer himself for those guys."_

Allen thought the same. There wasn't other real reason why the Noah of Wisdom would have confirmed that particular suspicion and considering it all, it did sound like the only way…

To Allen, however, it was just the most _obvious_ way…

"I think…" He said slowly, with an idea. "That there is a way."

* * *

**Kanda: You think you're very amusing, don't you?**

**Ana: Not really... Aaanyway! For those who were expecting a happy reunion... Sorry. I swear that while I was writing, I _did_ try to make it so, rewriting the scene a couple of times before I took another route… Not that I wasn't going to address the issue of what happened in the Order, but I had planned the reunion of Allen and the others to be at least better. However, it really, REALLY wasn't working out and I realized that even if they still care for each other so much, it was going to be hard and awkward anyway.**

**Again, I'm sorry for those who were expecting things to turn out okay, but sadly, life isn't like this. Just saying "sorry" doesn't fix things and when you hurt someone or neglect them, it isn't going to vanish. This happens for minor things, not wounds such as the one Allen has… It's the old metaphor of the crystal or paper. If you smash it, no matter how much you try to fix it, the cracks and the marks will still be there.**

**Yeah, not exactly the happiest of reunions, but… Actions have consequences and things change. I'm not saying they aren't friends anymore, but they will need a time to themselves.**

**Well, let's see how things turn out in the end, right?**

**Krory: If we manage to infiltrate that damn Ark and get out alive, then it is already good enough for me...**

**Alison: We're going to die.**

**Ana: Nice to see how I created a warm, cute ray of sunshine...**

**Reviews are the version of chocolate. And everyone loves chocolate!**


	23. Act Twenty-Three – Disturbance

_"Greater love has no one than this: To lay down one's life for one's friends" –_ John 15:13

Neah wasn't at all pleased.

In another occasion, the more recent events would have made him indifferent or at least amused. The situation of now didn't fit any of the cases… What Allen was thinking (and _planning)_ to do was the equivalent of throwing sauce in the head and placing it inside a lion's head, while sinking the arms until the elbows in a nest of snakes.

" _If at least I could take control…"_

A small shock ran to his direction, a way of Crown Clown to show despise in a warning, which would have made the Noah roll his eyes if his current shape of existence wasn't something far too complex to be explained in physical terms… Usually, the process of becoming a Noah was made by the "principal gene" in question awakening when there was a role missing in the family. Then, the human cells received waves which, slowly, changed the genetic code of human into that of a Noah.

Memories, personality and the identity of the person remained (in this entered a matter of personal choice) and what s/he received were genetic messages that had basic information from the previous incarnations. Not true memories, but some sensations as the protection, recognition to other Noah and the abilities. Neah knew that Wisely always disliked when some family members sought to keep any connection with their previous human lives even after learning the whole truth.

Mostly because his was the only awakening that had almost "real" memories.

The case of Neah and Allen was other _altogether_ : Allen, being someone who had Innocence (another curious point about how he had changed: He didn't have it when Neah met him), wouldn't have been able to become a Noah due to the opposite energies.

In some point deep in Allen's, beyond the physic sense, where mind and heart joined and the body is just a wrapping of flesh to the soul, was where Neah's conscience existed and little by little, tried to erase Allen and sent the same wave to change his cells. Theoretically, it would be a matter of time until that body became empty, alive as the soul was already dead, allowing Neah to assume the control. In crude terms, a sort of permanent possession.

The key word being "theoretically".

Two energies in the same environment had no way of _not_ getting in conflict and Neah needed caution. Crown Clown existed just like him and wandered through Allen's blood, its focal point of existence being his arm, strong enough to watch and keep his system against Neah. One could compare it as manipulating the body to fight an infection.

And Crown Clown felt movements and thoughts from Neah, creating messages in response that were only sensations and, exactly for this, far clearer and purer than words: It wouldn't allow Allen to be taken by the Noah. _End of discussion_.

And Neah couldn't force the process or make it more constant, again due to that Innocence. Extremely care and gentleness were needed, otherwise, that body could end up deteriorating inside out or even entering a process of self-cannibalism.

It was one thing he and Crown Clown agreed. None of them wanted this.

All of this left Neah in an uncomfortable position. He had no doubts he would end up winning, but to be in such position… He felt annoyed for his impotence.

As much as the boy was planning and going over details along with the other Innocences' Accommodators and Raz, the Fourteenth still considered all this too impulsive… And mostly unlike him.

" _He really changed a lot since the last time I saw him…"_

However, he could only wish that the whole deal would be successful.

Personal feelings aside, there was something admirable to be found in the risks they were taking for a friend and he had to admit it, but still Neah would have rather not be involved in those same risks _against_ his wishes.

Crown Clown's response, if put in words, would be the equivalent of calling him a hypocrite.

**XxX**

"Do you think you can really do it?" Alison asked, unable to hide traits of worry in her voice. "We won't have the chance to do anything else if this goes wrong…"

Allen shrugged to the girl, a weak gesture as he felt he couldn't even try smiling as he tended to do when wanting to soothe someone's feelings while not sure himself. Nothing good was to be found in what he was about to try and, on another hand, there was no other possible option. The old saying "between a rock and a hard place" applied well here.

"You guys are _absolutely_ sure," The white-haired male turned to the Exorcists. "That the Order didn't manage to get access?"

"No… Not that we know of." Lenalee started, her tone becoming uncertain as she looked to the others for support, hoping they were right in this point. "Levelier said they couldn't… Track you… Due to the portals you've opened. It seemed they couldn't even know where some went after you closed them."

Allen nodded, but in the last day when they had told him about this, he had been taken by a sense of relief. And also, a little surprised, since he hadn't been sure he would've been able to control the Ark to _this_ point.

Very well, as long as the Order had no complete control of the Ark without him, then they could have a chance.

"Reever said they hadn't had news of the progress with the Ark," Kanda told them with the usual seriousness. "It would have been too much of a victory for the Central to be able to keep quiet." He gave the small smile of disdain before the idea of something the Central wanted and couldn't have.

Allen had mixed feelings regarding this… While there was something pleasing about it (if because he was used to use the Ark as his or for bitterness for the Central, he didn't know), he also wondered if the Order wouldn't end up deciding to keep him alive to force him to command the Ark for them.

The idea made a bitter, dry taste come up his mouth.

Now, if this went badly even before they reached the Black Ark…

" _No. Easy. It will work. It has to work."_

"Look…" He started, looking to the others, all standing in a spot in the forest behind the abandoned house at a short distance. Though the sunlight dripped around and the place was alive with the natural aroma of wildness and one or two birds tweeted in some point among the tangled branches, everything felt distant and the sensation was of being underwater or wrapped in a fog, unreachable by those elements.

"No one needs to do this if they don't want to, so if anyone would rather stay…"

The reactions were immediate.

"No way!"

"They are our friends too, I'm going."

"Give up _now_?"

"Oh, Allen, shut up, will ya!"

"Haven't we all decided that we'll go?" Elana muttered, trying to give a gentle smile and just managing to lift a corner of her mouth in a kind of grimace. They had barely done anything and she already felt like her stomach was inside out.

"C'mon, let's get this over with!" Kanda groaned with impatience to Allen and a gesture of head that clearly told him to hurry up, for the more they stood there talking about it, the weaker they would feel and more susceptible to fear as well. It wasn't that the samurai _was_ insensitive and his nerves weren't affected by tension, he was merely more controlled.

When it was his life at risk, he didn't care much. He had died already in his true life and this was just a forced existence that went against nature anyway… If this happened in a place and way that the Order couldn't use him in another experiment or bring him back again, perfect.

However, that didn't mean he completed ignored possible consequences and risks, as only a moron would do so. And the Noah knew how to make someone beg for Hell.

Allen stared at the others one last time and received nods.

" _And I had decided to not use this anymore…"_

Focusing in the melody of the song, words in another language started to come from his desire of command, as two memories being recalled at the same time… And was it his impression, or the words sounded weird? More like an actual voice than a sound, almost as Neah's voice, in the only time he had truly seen the Noah's face…

His concentration failed him and the connection that had started to take shape failed, so he needed to try again.

Despite the distance, something reacted.

In a spot ahead, the air itself was tore apart in a white opening, a tear in a veil that allowed one to look beyond the known reality and was met with only whiteness… Even after times using those portals, Marie would admit it was always weird to see one opening like that in air…

Raz was assaulted by a curious sensation, that she hadn't felt when Tyki Mikk had done something like this in the forest, months ago… What was different now?

"I did it." Allen sighed, still not feeling relief.

"Let me check it." Kanda decided, passing by him and going through the portal without hesitation. The whiteness swallowed him and though there wasn't two seconds in his absence, the air stood still until his hand reappeared as if going through real substance and not a curtain of light, gesturing for them to follow.

One by one, Exiled and Exorcists, Noah and human entered the White Ark.

Just like the Order couldn't create new portals without Allen, they also couldn't have access to the "Player's Room", where was the "true" key: The room with the elegant piano.

Allen felt a palpitation in his stomach… Nothing had changed since the first time he had stepped here, almost a year ago. The room remained of a white that made the shadows light blue. The large window through which they could see the blue sky remained of a crystal-like glass, a large windowsill underneath and nearby a long couch with soft seats. And two chairs of round backs.

And of course, the snow-white piano.

"It's so beautiful…" Lauren's mutter was so quiet that it wouldn't have been possible to know who had spoken if it wasn't for her lips moving. She looked around to the purity of it all. It was a place of rare beauty, the peace born of the color wrapping them whether they wanted or not and it felt wrong to do much noise, as if you were in a museum or church.

Alison didn't share the feeling. The place only worked to put in evidence what they were about to do, which had nothing to do with serenity.

" _God help us…"_

Allen didn't approach the piano, standing still as he waited for everyone to arrive. His insides were trembling.

"The… The Order doesn't know this room?" The mocha-skinned girl asked in the same whisper as she came near, to which Allen shook his head as Elana and Samuel entered, both looking equally taken over by what they saw. As much as they had heard descriptions of the room, it was different to hear about and _be_ in it.

"That they know, they know. But they can't _access_ it. So, they don't know we're here…" The boy explained, hoping with all his heart that no one of the selected Departments in charge of studying the Ark would suddenly be illuminated by an idea that ended up allowing them to do exactly this.

As he finished speaking, Raz went through the portal.

It was a dagger in her eyes.

A wave in which heat and cold were one pierced her being.

For an instance, the girl didn't move. Allen took notice of this and meant to call her, but before he could, Raz recomposed herself and approached the rest of the group. Whatever had been in her eyes or moving her facial muscles was gone. But there were shivers in her mind and under her skin, threatening to take her over.

" _This piano… It is_ his. _It is Neah's… Neah, he used to… To what? No wait, it isn't the same, just equal. Even so, Neah… Mana too, they… That man, the Earl…"_ Words came disordered in a weak attempt of her brain to force the wave of emotions into an easier analyzed code. However, the girl rejected it and forced herself to not look around, as much as she felt something in the depths of her mind agitating furiously.

She knew something here, she _knew_ she did.

" _No! The priority here is to help those two. I can think about this later."_ To force her mind and senses in a line of focus after such a shake wasn't easy and she asked.

"How is this place going to help us, again?" It was a question without true need after they had planned everything, what she needed was help to go back to the main. Allen approached the piano, standing in front of the keys, not very happy with the perspective of what he had to do.

" _This is Neah's room. Neah's piano. Heh, he even said Tim was his, the first time I entered here…"_ Once more, he felt like an intruder. The thought was nonsense, of course, Neah was the intruder trying to take over him, not Allen!

" _But all here is his. And the Ark is of the Noah. It's all theirs…"_

"Well, _if_ it works out…" He started also pushing the thought away and looking at the others. "Do you remember how this Ark was going through a download?"

"Everything that was here was being transferred to the other Ark." Johnny confirmed as explanation to the others. Though he couldn't go with them all the way, he had refused to stay behind, even when Samuel suggested he stayed checking the golem's pieces that Reever had sent through Kanda at his request. Johnny still wanted to see if he could build a golem or two for the group, which was safer than stealing directly from the Order.

Johnny had been firm: If they were all going through the risk of entering the White Ark, which was practically _above the new Headquarters_ , then he would go through the same risk.

"When Allen interrupted this transference, this Ark wasn't destroyed."

"The point is, to have a transference…" Allen continued, resting his fingers over the piano keys slowly and praying to God that this would work. The surface under his fingers was of cold gravestones. "There was, _therefore_ , a connection between the two Arks, right?"

Although they had went through the same details last night, Lauren's eyes still lighted up.

"If you manage to _reopen_ this way… You'll have access to the Noah's Ark."

"I hope so… And if I'm lucky, perhaps I can make the Ark open a portal right where Lavi and Bookman are. The same way I could open a portal at a determined point of a chosen city." He sighed, for this was a detail they still weren't sure he could do or not. "After this, if I command the Ark to erase this path _completely,_ then the connection will be lost and the Noah won't be able to use it to invade the Order."

Alison held back a snort. The Noahs could go to the Order and do whatever they wished for all of her.

A second later, she felt ashamed of this thought.

" _That's a lot of "_ if" _and "_ maybe"…" Elana reflected, heart beating cold in her chest. As much as this sensation wasn't new, the effect was the same of always and being so close of the Order did nothing to soothe her.

Some people said you could get used to everything… Either they were liars or they had never experienced true unpleasant things.

You could never get used to pain or fear.

Feeling the hidden shiver in her bones or maybe something in her eyes, Samuel held her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers and squeezing gently, creating a source of warmth.

"Okay…" Allen looked at them again. "Ready? I'll try."

"Good luck, Allen." Krory muttered as Miranda held her own hands strongly, biting her lower lip.

" _God, please… Let him succeed… It's our_ only _chance…"_ If he didn't and they had to enter blindly in the Noah's Ark, then things would be far more complicated. She had no illusions they would be found easily and the Noah would just call the others (that if they weren't _all_ there anyway) and they would all be dead.

Or worse, which was more probable.

" _If we had a way of knowing how many Noah are there or not…"_ The woman took a deep breath, refusing to be dominated by the tension. Not. Now.

Allen, with his eyes closed, concentrated on the Ark and felt the existing portals as he touched the keys, unable to stop as his muscles tensed. He kept hoping the Order wouldn't realize they were _right_ _there_.

It wasn't the song, just three or four notes separated, each a search that came back with echoes of information, almost like the computers of the Order and Allen analyzed it for a way of doing what he wanted… Opening portals had become easier with the pass of time. It shouldn't be that hard even now, right? Theoretically speaking, this was another portal in a specific location…

" _C'mon, concentrate… For Lavi. For Bookman."_

He played a note, mind in the Black Ark. Under his finger, the piano sounded and he felt as if an invisible string was vibrating inside the instrument. Okay, this meant the Ark was searching the connection with the Black Ark… Maybe remains of the download's path and, with this, a way could be forged.

Allen shivered. It always felt weird how the Ark was a mix of technology and magic. And that he knew how to make it work…

" _You or the Fourteenth?"_

He pushed the thought away as he would to a fly.

The vibration under the keys remained…

Around, no one dared speak. Alison and Krory merely watched Allen with his hands over the keys, both only able to imagine how that worked. Raz had her hands closed, a part of her focused in hoping this piano would do the trick and another still fighting the storm in the back of her mind to not get distracted.

But there was something here that, while still mere sensation, was still too close of being a memory _._

Elana held Samuel's hand.

" _I'm afraid."_ She moved her lips with a sheepishly look. The man nodded, leaning to her.

" _So am I…"_ He whispered back, caressing her hand.

The vibration carried on, Allen felt the small string running on the depths of the Ark, the gears that made it work, the spells that ran on it as blood. Portals known, sealed rooms, it sought the focal point.

" _Like a bat."_ He couldn't help comparing this to sound waves.

It reached!

He felt, an acute and thin needle reaching a point. The string was all fragmented, but the Ark worked fast to fill gaps, recreating the path, not opening a portal yet.

" _Let them not realize this… Please."_ He could only hope that, in their confidence, the Noah wouldn't suspect that Allen could/would do this. Maybe… There was this chance, right? Neah himself had said not even the Earl knew of this room.

So, there were things in the Ark that not even the Noah Patriarch knew of, right?

" _Analyze of environment… Search Innocence…"_ He commanded the Ark, heart stopping as he waited to see what would happen… Would it work? Could he localize them? He had never been sure of how this thing processed his commands, always judging it similar to the Order's computers (and how he had been impressed to see one of those, he had never dreamed that sort of thing could exist).

More vibration. An extension of the string…

Was it searching?

Arrows hitting something.

_"_ I did it!" He whispered, opening his eyes. "I did it, found them!"

"Can you feel how many akumas are there? Or Noahs?" Alison risked, impressed how Allen had managed all this by mere playing some notes in a piano. It was almost _scary._

Allen hesitated, shoulders falling.

"No… It's easier to feel Innocences because they are opposite to Noah or akumas, but… It's like trying to count drops in the ocean." He shook his head as he couldn't place that into better words. It was like the Arks recognized the Noah and Akumas as "natural", so they didn't stand out in a "scanning" as he had done now.

Alison tried to smile, just managing to move her face muscles into the position of one.

"It was too much to ask for, right?"

"Let's review the points." Allen sighed, turning to each of them seriously. His fingers were shivering. "This is not an _attack,_ we have to grab Lavi and Bookman and _come back."_

_"_ Let's keep akumas and Noahs busy and out of the way." Kanda growled before showing a cynic smile. "So _do try_ to stay alive and that's _it._ "

"We discussed the positions, remember?" Samuel said calmly, not bothered by the samurai's tone. Near him, Miranda activated the Time Record, the circle sliding to her wrist and turning gently, greenish lines with dots shining in circles in what could be taken as a replica of another solar system.

"Please, be careful. The "Recover" will stop you from feeling the wounds, but they will come when I deactivate." This would help them to not be slowed down when running back, yet she sighed, brown eyes going over them almost in a plea. "So, please… _Pay attention._ Don't go overboard."

Though there were nods to this, the woman still couldn't emphasize how important that was. It was easy to get carried away when you didn't feel pain and your body didn't warn you of damage and limits being reached.

"We'll open the way, get the idiots and get _out."_ Kanda said again. If any of those morons were caught up by the adrenaline and didn't back off when the time came…

"Everyone, ready?" Allen felt all his organs had moved places. When was one ready? He turned to Johnny, with a smile that wasn't more successful than Alison's. "The Order won't be able to get in here… So… We'll be right back, okay?"

The man with glasses was too sincere to even try to pretend, though his anguish was limited to his eyes as he wanted to look strong for his friends. Allen tried to sound firm. Lauren patted the man's shoulder and winked as Lenalee waved as if they were merely going in an outing.

"I-Itterasshai… Ki o tsukete [See you later… Be careful]." Johnny muttered.

Those were just four words, but carried much to be truly _just_ that.

"Ittekimasu… [We're going]." Miranda and Allen muttered along with the others. Something in this old habit still had a warm comfort.

"Okay…" Allen sighed and pressed a single key in the piano.

A portal appeared in the room.

"Go!" Allen ran ahead, followed by the group.

As soon as he crossed the light, not minding the sensation, Krory's ears were attacked by the sound of needles in his eardrums.

An akuma screamed. Another laughed. Some just stared, showing identical teeth in expressions that could have been carved in the faces of corpses without eyelids.

Smiles? Grimace? One could never tell.

Five, perhaps six akumas.

Level Four.

"Exorcist! Exorcist!" The voice of one of them pierced the air. Alison growled upon realizing the thing was referring to all of them as such.

It was a dark room without furniture except for a table and a kind of long couch… Boxes of gifts lay around while candles and globs of light floated.

Miranda shivered in recognition to the presents and candles. Her post was at the portal's side, taking care so no akuma or Noah would go through. At her side, Marie had his lines around. Alison, due to her distance-type of attack was at Miranda's other side, arrow ready.

Kanda sent an attack against the screaming akuma. The creature avoided it, metal wings against the air and coming at the samurai, trying to avoid Alison's arrows.

The other akumas attacked. They were beings of death, created to feast themselves in the action of slaughtering and didn't need orders to do so.

Allen jumped and hit with the sword, more to push aside than to destroy, trying to ignore the souls that cried and begged for help. He could see two forms threw on the couch, dolls that didn't move.

The younger's head was on his chest. The old man seemed unable to talk, his head rested in the back of the couch, only the eyes seeming to show there was some sort of life in that flesh.

They didn't react to any of the hell that came to birth around.

"WATCH OUT!" Someone screamed, a sharp-edged whip almost met Allen. From the darkness, a tall woman revealed herself. Her eyes were more cat-like than Allen remembered.

The boy had no time or intention of greeting her. Lulubell also had nothing to say, attacking with her whip once more. The white cape covered him and Miranda's Recover made him feel just the pressure of the whip, but he knew the pain later would reach his bones.

The thing slithered to the other side as Krory and Samuel attacked the woman, who graciously avoided them.

The others tried to keep the way open. Akumas came down to them as white harpies, screaming and laughing in a cacophony to make ears bleed. One grabbed Lauren by her back, claws in her flesh before an arrow almost hit its head and Lauren managed to turn and punch. Shadows wrapped the Akuma's ankles, pulling until it let go.

Alison sent arrows through the room nonstop, her instinct leading her each time one of those white eagles attacked someone, also to the ones who tried to attack Miranda and Marie. The man moved his fingers and an akuma got caught in the lines. Miranda remained firm in her position, forcing the Time Record to go at maximum, drops of sweat coming down her face.

Kanda jumped over one that was going in Elana's direction as the woman fought another. The creature roared when Kanda hit its back, managing to cut a wing. The sound was crystal against blackboard and nails breaking.

Raz tried to hold and pull the akumas away.

Her shadows trembled with their strength. Her muscles whimpered.

One was caught by the legs and wings. She threw it to the ground. Another fought Lauren and Lenalee, struggling and trying to reach them when held its wings and arms.

Her body rolled the cold floor when she was hit. She heard sounds as Lenalee and Lauren attacked the now free akuma. Turning, Raz saw another akuma touching its lips as a child, red eyes shining.

"Sorry, Miss Noah!" The child-like voice chanted with a smile, in a face with no muscles or flesh. "But the Master Millennium Earl is seeking for you and the Fourteenth." It tilted its head. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Raz did not answer, whips of shadows going for the akuma.

"Let's play! Let's play!" The thing laughed and flew high as if it was all a game of tag. Allen tried to get free of an akuma that remained between him, Lavi and Bookman.

Lenalee jumped in the air, aiming an attack…

A wave of heat caught her. Her body was thrown, caught in the hurricane as a butterfly. She managed to escape, body shivering. A part of her mind wondered if she would have burns later.

"Well, well and what is this?" A soft purr overpowered all the noise as if things were silent. "A party at _our_ Ark and you didn't call us?"

Tyki Mikk, Sheryl Kamelot and Toraido had arrived.

Samuel brandished his spear against Lulubell. She avoided it. The whip that was her arm came as a snake to Krory, who managed to hold it, trying to pull and throw her balance off. The thing however was part of her and alive.

It turned to hit him against the floor. Krory bit and she hissed.

The other whip of her arm went to Samuel. He defended. The thing stretched in the last second. He managed to avoid a hit on the chest, but felt it crossing the flesh on the side of his body.

" _Damn, if we could get near them!"_ Allen cursed, for though the others tried to keep the enemies away, they were more interested in keeping their attention than attacking more directly. " _They just want to make us tired. Until the Earl arrives…"_

And he would be here. At any moment.

Raz was about to attack the akuma fighting Allen, but someone blocked her vision. A shield of black matter shaped as a star. Not waiting for Tyki to say anything, she focused her shadows into a sword that was almost a continuation of her arm. Dark snakes slithered in the air around her.

The man laughed, using the shield to defend and attack at the same time. Black matter, something Raz still didn't know how to handle, passed by her in needles.

Shadows grabbed his arm, leaving the chest open. Shadows became shards around them. Tyki turned, aiming a kick on her side. The girl avoided it in the last second.

"You've learned a few new tricks, Raz, Noah of Loneliness?" He pointed out with a cruel smile. "You seem to be better than last time!" An attack of his Black Matter came close the girl. Raz wouldn't be able to tell if she had been hit or not.

"Maybe then we can have some fun." He said before lunging, Teases flying around.

Alison concentrated in an akuma trying to attack Marie with a kind of sound wave, fighting the melody the man created.

" _End him, go back to the akumas with Allen and Kanda."_ She told herself, a new arrow being born in her bow.

"And what the young lady _thinks_ she is doing?" A voice purred at her side. Before Alison could turn, her arm bended backwards against her will, a position no arm should be. Something pulled her by the neck, twirling her body in the air for examination.

Miranda screamed. Marie soon told her to stay where she was, though now other lines wrapped the ones of his Innocence, not allowing him to interfere with Alison, who could barely struggle.

One of the Noahs who had arrived stood in front of her, eyes running over the girl in slow evaluation. Suspended in air, Alison felt something enrolling around her arms and neck several times, in a needle-thin spiral.

"My dear, it is very rude to just barge in someone's home _uninvited_. Tsk, tsk…" He sighed, a man of strong features and golden eyes. Lines pressed against the girl's flesh. "Well, I think it was too much to ask for someone who associates with Innocence to have the smallest amount of manners…"

Alison couldn't answer. The lines wrapped more and more in her arms… They nestled under her skin… A fine pressure, her arms were pulled in opposite ways…

The Noah's face was blurred…

Her lungs burned without air.

" _Stay alive…"_ A kind voice said in her mind. Someone from her past. " _Run, my little one…"_

The world lost focus…

Somehow, among the mist, she still could see the Noah, smiling… Smiling…

"ALISON!" Raz cried, pushing Tyki's shield aside, making a run… And lifted her sword in defense when the Black Matter passed by her. The shield blocked her way, shards surging and pushing to corner her.

She tried to get free. Shards of lilac flew by her, her mind following the movement to lift her shadows in defense.

"Oh, Raz, I'm a very _possessive_ man, you know?" Tyki asked with mocking gentleness, before a smile tore his face apart. "So… _Pay attention to me,_ alright?"

"Get _out_ of my way _, Joyd!"_ She hissed in fury, not realizing what she had said as her eyes assumed a golden reflex.

Tyki frowned, all amusement gone and replaced with deadly coldness.

"Wrong name, _dear."_ He growled as he attacked.

Sheryl moved aside fast, avoiding waves of half-moon blades.

As he turned, Alison's body fell. The air scratched her throat to make way to the lungs as she coughed.

Elana attacked the Noah of Desires, who smiled.

She jumped back, using the blade of her fan to try cutting the lines when she felt (or thought) them coming to her skin.

Sheryl merely walked to her as she was forced to back away, his smiling never weaving.

"Perhaps," He suggested in a soft voice. "I could teach you and that other _Exorcist_ how to behave?"

It happened fast.

Light cut the air, freeing blood.

Sheryl stayed still for a second before turning slowly, blood sliding down from a cut in his cheek, an insane hate twisting in his eyes.

Alison stood, hand already with a new arrow and a glare of her own. Even in the cacophony around, her whisper could be heard quite clearly, barely keeping all the hate in her.

" _Never_. Dare. _To call_. _Me_. THAT!"

Lenalee fought Toraido. The wave of heat increased, echoed in her blood and messed her thoughts. Leaning her feet on the wall, she took impulse in the air, avoiding when he cut the point where she had been.

The Noah turned to her, with no change of expression.

"You are the Noah of Judgment, right?" She asked, attempting to distract him somehow.

"You should know it by now." It was the reply without intonation. He twirled his sword in the air and Lenalee tried to kick it with all her might.

Needles came up her body and she jumped away. No pain, but instinct told her to not try this again.

Toraido lifted the sword. Lenalee prepared to jump…

The Noah turned suddenly. A twirl of the blade and someone rolled in the ground, near Lenalee. Lauren had tried to attack him.

Both girls stood, facing the Noah. Their eyes adjusted to the light. The blade itself hadn't turned into fire, but had become transparent… And living flames run inside it, never stopping. It was as if the thing was alive and its blood was lava.

" _Oh, crap."_

"The flames of the Final Judgment." Toraido said with indifference, upon noticing their eyes, lifting the sword. Red and yellow were inside it, burning and never ceasing. "Enough to boil your blood and melt you from inside out…"

He studied them, wondering the best way to _demonstrate_.

An akuma screeched, the cut Allen had made bleeding oil. The smell of machine took his senses, but he didn't pay attention.

" _Help me, please, help me, kill me, please."_

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" He muttered, for the soul begged him for help and freedom. Other still cried at him to get his friends and run away. Allen asked forgiveness to all of them, he couldn't save them now.

Another blow. The akuma recoiled. Someone took charge of it, as it didn't attack anymore. The distance finally had diminished. Arm still attacking, Allen jumped to throw his cape and called upon Crown Belt. Snake-like extensions pierced the air.

Lulubell saw and turned her attention to the boy. Samuel and Krory stayed on her way. Krory growled, his golden eyes rivalizing hers. Among the mess, he had still managed to bite an akuma and take the blood to increase his own strength.

The white extensions wrapped the two bodies carefully to any pain they might be feeling and pulled them back. Krory got rid of an attack and ran to Allen.

"C'MON, RUN!" The boy screamed. Elana threw a last wave to Sheryl as she and Alison ran back to the portal and stood there, throwing arrows and waves of blades to try make the path clean for Allen who carried Bookman in his back.

The old man had a heavy breathing, but weak hands tried to hold on to the collar of his cape. The Crown Belt was still activated around him, in an attempt to make sure he wouldn't fall.

Raz tried to hit Tyki to throw him away, but he blocked her way with a cruel smile. An arrow almost hit his head and shadows came up. Raz slithered away and started to run.

Marie made a curtain of lines come down with an echo of melody, trying to make sure the others could come. Kanda stood at Alison's side as the others went back to the White Ark.

Allen, near the piano, waited for everyone. Johnny already ran to them, worried. As soon as Marie came through the portal, falling on his knees, Allen played some notes.

The portal disappeared, closing a cry of hate. Still Allen played a little, concentrating in cutting connection and destroying that path forever and blocking the Ark to any attempts from the Black Ark before he opened a gate back to the abandoned house in the woods.

No one said anything.

Miranda had sweat coming down her face and breathed heavily, still the Time Record remained activated as they passed through the second portal, back to the forest. They heard birds flying around surprised by the sudden light and a squirrel that had been nearby ran to a tree.

Neither Lavi nor Bookman had reacted until now.

"Are they alright?" Johnny asked leaning to Bookman who was now carried by Marie.

"Lavi is alive." Krory replied, thought it wasn't an exact answer to the question and still was the best they had. The redheaded boy's heart beat and he still breathed, however his eyes remained closed and there was no signal that he had realized he was no longer in the Black Ark. The body was alive, but under all other aspects, Lavi looked like a doll.

Johnny placed fingers in Bookman's neck. Heartbeat was fine…

"Let's leave them in one of the rooms, okay? That one at the side of the stairs, one of those we cleaned?" The others nodded in agreement. Despite Time Record be keeping the wounds away, the natural tiredness took them over. The muscles were hard and flashes of what had just happened remained in their minds, refusing to become past.

Once in the room in question, Marie and Krory placed the two men in beds that groaned in protest of being used after so long. The old mattresses sunk with their bodies, one of them letting some of the filling to bleed out by a rip on the side.

Lavi now had started to pant. His condition, now that they had time to watch him, seemed worse than Bookman, his body was lost in fever and a small shiver ran once, as if there was too much of exhaustion to allow any movement, but there was nothing they could do now.

Exiled, Exorcists and a Noah exchanged looks… They had done it.

Miranda sighed. She hated those moments. Always remembered what had happened in Anita's ship, people who knew they were dead already insisting in acting as shields of flesh.

Some kept their heads up, others closed their eyes in expectation…

Time Record was deactivated.

Skin opened. Flesh was ripped apart. The red bloomed and gushed, members struggled as if the bones were rebelling…

At once, Johnny opened the boxes of first aids and rushed to their sides as they fell in the floor.

* * *

**Wolf: And here we are. Is everyone happy?**

**Tyki: I hope this is a rhetorical question.**

**Lavi: You're joking, right?**

**Wolf: What? Why?**

**Sheryl: We had them right there and didn't kill them on the spot? Are you stupid?**

**Lavi: And we got rescued only to be in what? A vegetative-like state?**

**Wolf: First off, you and those akumas actually did a number on everyone, second, what did you expect after almost five months with the Noah? To be in perfect shape?**

**Lavi: Of course not, but I…**

**Lulubell: It was unrealistic to "hold" them. We would have killed them on the spot.**

**Tyki: You seemed to be having fun with the African Prince and the Uncle Vampire.**

**Lulubell (** _**narrowing eyes):** _ **I hope you mean by how I almost killed them…**

**Tyki: Hm, perhaps?**

**Elana: I wish he would learn to stop saying things that can be misinterpreted. But I suppose there was a lesson in all this…**

**Wolf: Suicide missions sometimes work?**

**Elana: Never call Alison an "** _**exorcist** _ **" unless you have a death wish.**

**Wolf: She is the one that almost died, to be fair.**

**Sheryl: Not to worry, I'll make sure to finish the job next time…**

**Wolf: Aren't you a dear?**


	24. Act Twenty Four – Ghosts of Pain

_"The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you will see" –_ Winston Churchill

The room could've easily passed by a hospital environment if taking in account the silence alone and not the physical elements. No one felt much like talking, limiting themselves to allow the muscles to slowly recover from the events and hoping they would stop feeling as stones instead of flesh.

And also for the pain to cease.

They either watched the old man and the redheaded or merely stared at some random point (the eyes giving away they were lost inside themselves). Miranda organized the gauzes, painkillers and similar things on the end of one of the beds since the small table was taken. The house could be big, but they all had stayed in rooms close to each other and it would be better if everything was put in one place, should anyone need anything.

Besides, there was the need to do something with her hands.

Seated at a point with his back leaning on the wall, Allen took small bites of a piece of bread. It had no real taste which didn't matter anyway to him. It wasn't as if his body would have been able to focus on it, anyway. Although their bodies were more resistant than that of "normal" humans and could recover faster, it didn't mean they felt nothing and neither that they wouldn't have done better with stronger medicine than which could be obtained by anyone at the local pharmacy.

God, it hurt.

On her turn, Elana examined Lavi and Bookman as she could, walking from one bed to another, touching their foreheads to be sure there were no signs of fever, hand resting on their chests to feel the dragged breathing, her own arm hidden in bandages. Miranda had commented they both looked quite thinner, but it didn't seem to be cause for great worry.

They had been fed enough to remain alive and without hunger-related problems. Elana for a moment had considered they had received only the necessary to keep them weak enough to not fight back, but she knew this hadn't been the exact point of the Noah: Even if they had been in their best shape, a fight in their situation would have been suicide.

Holding the old man's wrist, she concentrated. She was no specialist, but still considered that the heartbeat seemed normal… At least it was what she hoped for. Not able to think of anything else she could do to make sure they were fine, she remained there standing and intertwining her own fingers.

As fine as one could be, at least.

Being a nurse or doctor had always been her dream, which she had never been even able to attempt to follow due to having been found as an Accommodator by the Order. Still, during her years in the Organization, she had tried to learn what was within her reach, besides the basic teachings offered by the Order. It hadn't been nearly enough to feel close to what she truly wanted to be, but it was better than nothing.

Her eyes crossed the room to meet Allen's. The boy stopped chewing without realizing it and Elana tried to smile, despite the complaining of the muscles, trying to convey a message in the gesture and something in Allen's features soothed.

The three of them had decided to remain in the room to take care of those two and now she had no idea what else to do. A needle of pain pierced her when she took a seat on the floor near the old man's bed and the wound at the side of her body cried out, making her teeth seek the flesh inside the mouth to hold back a hiss.

It had been by sheer luck that it hadn't been anything more serious. She could only thank Johnny. As soon as Miranda's Innocence deactivated, their bodies had twisted themselves, veins bursting, ripped apart by wounds that had remained unseen until that moment, as if in a horror story. Johnny hadn't wasted a moment and rushed to them, starting to help with the wounds alongside Miranda, despite how his stomach coiled at the sight of blood.

Only them she had truly understood the woman's plea that they took extra care on the battle. The idea of facing the Noah had gained new shades of nightmares.

A whimper of metal called her attention to the old door as it was opened. Samuel peeked inside for a second before going in, gazing at Elana for a moment before showing a weak smile that didn't reach his eyes. His chest was wrapped in gauze under a loose coat and she could see the beginning of the scar he had gained on the Forest of Lights.

His arm was also held on a fabric, improvising a sort of sling. No bones had been broken, but there was risk of opening the wound if he moved it too much. Elana recalled the tall Exorcist, Krory, had also a deep cut in the joint of shoulder and neck. Lulubell's whip had gone deep in flesh and muscle. Krory's Innocence, and the fact it existed in his blood, was all that had prevented him from bleeding to death in seconds.

Not that those were the only damage.

"How are they?" He inquired in a soft tone, voice scratching his throat on its way. Allen shrugged in a light movement, insecurity back in his face. Miranda had her arms round herself in a sort of hug, having nothing else to do now.

"We… We're not sure… We didn't find serious injuries, only that…" She didn't continue, images from the past playing behind her eyes. The same happened to Allen as he recalled Wisely attacking Kanda with his mind power, something he had seen only for a second before falling into the memories of the samurai.

Physical wounds hadn't been found in excess, but this didn't mean there weren't signs of abuse. And Allen could only imagine the sort of wounds that didn't leave external marks the Noah were able to cause.

A slow nod of understanding from Samuel stopped Miranda's words as a calming hand on the shoulder would. He turned to the bodies on the beds, not coming any closer.

"Only we don't know what else they've done." He completed for her. "Are you alright, Mrs. Lotto?" He asked her as her hands went to hold her elbows, itching with the need to move and get busy with something in an attempt to take her mind off memories and flashes and thought she would rather not have.

"Oh, yes. Thank you…" There was an attempt at smiling at the dark man, in the cautious way of one talking to someone who is still a stranger. "And… And you and the others?" She felt silly for the question, but she wanted to make an effort to build a friendly relationship with those people. Samuel seemed to accept the gesture as a pale smile came back to his face of panther.

Or a close of a smile as they all could right now.

"We'll live, that's what matters. Your Time Record was a great help…" He turned to Allen, going back to the other subject at hand. The weariness in his face conferred a sick-like quality to his dark complexion "Johnny commented about going to town later to buy more food. He was trying to talk to Kanda through the door about it, asking if there was something he wanted."

That made the four of them to exchange knowing glances and almost mutter a giggle. Kanda had refused with all stubbornness he could to receive any medical help, insisting he could take care of himself alone and had retired to one of the rooms, mumbling that he wanted to sleep and would slice apart any one that tried to bother him before closing the door.

Not that it made much of a difference to close it or not. Most of them didn't have locks and some were missing the entire doorknob anyway.

"But the idea of _warm_ food does sound great…" A low voice whispered.

"Lenalee, you should be resting." Miranda reminded the girl, whose legs and feet were hidden by curatives and gauzes, protecting the burned skin and boilers caused by the contact with Toraido's sword. No one had had doubts that the flesh could have melted away from the bones if the touch had lasted for enough time and, after applying a cream for burns and infections with all care that she could to not increase her pain, Miranda had suggested that Lenalee took her time resting before walking around as they had no way of knowing how deep the damage could actually be, the healing of the Innocence nonstanding.

But there was little they could do about the pain.

"Oh, the room I'm staying in is close." It was the reply as the girl watched the others. "Johnny just talked to me about getting food in a restaurant or something."

"I can't say it's a bad idea." Allen muttered. Though they carried a pan to cook, making use of small fires when they had to spend the night outdoors, Johnny's idea was _definitely_ seductive.

Lenalee nodded in agreement.

"I shouldn't be much, but it's good enough." She carried on. "Besides, the kitchen here has no use. It's beyond hope." No one could disagree with that, the place would have been unidentifiable if it hadn't been for a large, quadrangular-shaped thing at a corner that had once been a stove. Even if there were new furniture, it would still be impossible to use.

"That's why we didn't even try to save that when we found this house." Allen commented as he remembered. "Johnny said not even his cleaning robot would have been able to do anything about it, didn't he, guys?"

"That he did." Elana sighed, thoughtful. "Maybe I'll go with him…" The words came lightly as the idea formed along with the sound. With the Exorcists, they made a large group ( _for now_ ) and perhaps it would be better if someone helped him carry things. Besides, she felt a need to go out instead of just stay there resting. It was almost funny… Her muscles were exhausted and the only reaction the idea of resting caused was agitation.

" _Yeah… Hilarious."_ The thought had no real humor.

"No." Samuel's tone was gentle iron. " _You_ are going to lie down and rest."

Elana opened her mouth to protest at once. Allen was faster, not needing to hear her words to know what she would say.

"It's better, Ela. You've done enough already…" His smile was that of one who shares a secret as he winked. "You know that if you insist, we may end up locking you in a room and barricade the door."

Some humor appeared in the woman's eyes as she assumed a playful expression of disdain for the idea.

"Oh, _really_? And pray tell, what room would you use when most of the doors are falling apart anyway?"

Allen didn't let the issue bother him.

"Maybe that small chapel under the stairs." The tone remained with false innocence. In the entrance hall, if you walked straight after entering, there was a door between the two stairs that led upstairs. It led to a small airy room that it had been used as a personal chapel ages ago back when the house had been, well, livable. There was no way out besides that door, so Elana wouldn't have been tempted to use a window to get out, be by jumping or grabbing some branches of nearby trees.

"And I'll go with him, then. We need more medicine anyway." Samuel completed, as if Elana had voiced her thoughts about helping Johnny, his eyes remaining on her like Allen's, both with knowing expressions that were almost identical.

Lenalee just watched the scene.

Elana still felt the protests growing on her, but before Samuel's soft gaze, she was unable to voice them. It wasn't a demanding look, there was only worry to be found there. She would also like it better if he stayed for resting and recovering… Nothing of this was born out of doubt for each other's strength. It just wasn't enough to silence the natural worry.

And the fact the years had made their bodies used to fight also didn't meant the injuries hurt any less. For an instant, she almost raised her hand to her face, where in the left side there was a purple stain.

" _Maybe… We will end up having to steal."_ Members from the Order had an easy access to all sorts of medicine even during their trips, but they hadn't had this luxury since years ago, so in some grave occasions they had resorted to small shoplifting in pharmacies or even breaking in late at night.

Only when there was _no other option._

Didn't make the act any better, but what could they do?

"I would think we would have to do this with Lauren." The light muttering carried her acceptation and the three held small laughs with the idea of the girl's reaction upon finding herself locked in and what would happen when they finally released her.

"Oh, she would probably bring any barricade down and you know it." Samuel dismissed the idea with a wave, as a solemn expression took over Allen's features when he nodded.

"Not to mention…" The white-haired boy completed. "What would happen to _us_ once she got free."

The exchanged glances said all about what would probably be the consequences and Elana pretended to shiver. Samuel's attention turned to Miranda, some laugh still holding on his eyes.

"You should rest as well, Miss. Lotto…" He hesitated. "Noise Marie said your Innocence affects your organism…"

No lie in this.

"Samuel is right, Miranda." Allen supported the man, not allowing pain to show when his back screamed when he stood up. "You should sleep a little as well" She had been protected as well as possible during the fight, but this didn't mean she hadn't had her share in the battle.

Besides, they couldn't forget that as soon as they recovered a little, she and the other Exorcists would have to go on to the missions given by the Order. If they spent too much time without making contact, they would fall in suspicion.

Allen didn't want that to happen.

"I take care of things over here, don't worry."

"But…"

"You have been here for a while already." Samuel's eyes went to Lavi and Bookman, some warmth fading away when his gaze fell in the old man. "You guys also need to lie down a little." He turned to Elana and then Lenalee. "That goes for you two as well."

It wasn't as if there was much to be done for Lavi and the old man either way. Another needle of pain convinced Elana that it actually wouldn't be a bad deal to go take a rest and wait the painkiller would be enough to help with it.

"A-Are you sure, Allen? I can stay here, too."

"What about your wounds, Lenalee?" It wasn't just her legs that had been hurt. Even if she went to lie down, there were also lacerations and cuts to heal.

" _And they probably weren't even taking things seriously… For all we know, they were just playing. Just trying to hold us back."_ Some of the Noah could easily have an attitude such as this. Well, perhaps not Lulubell… For what Allen could remember of their few encounters and her behavior, she stood in his mind as someone who had her entire being turned towards efficiency. Tyki and that other Noah of wavy hair who controlled lines seemed more the type to enjoy playing with their prey.

His gaze was attracted to the two unconscious Exorcists and his mouth went dry.

They would wake up, right?

_Right?_

"Don't worry." That was not only directed at her, but himself as well. "Anything, we call you guys, promise."

On a side, Lenalee wanted to insist and stay. On another, the desire to accept and walk away found birth in some hidden point, a little below her stomach, echoing in her body with a bitter taste.

"Well, alright then. We talk later?"

Allen agreed with a nod and the smile of always. Leaving the room, Lenalee still heard Miranda muttering something, though her mind didn't care to process the words and crossed some steps in the hallway to another room, at the side of the one Allen had showed to her and the others once they had arrived.

There was no one there. The bed was a thick skeleton with remains of wood in the headboard that could be barely identified. The mattress, or whatever there was left of it, bled the insides and there was a metallic groan when she seated down, eyes on the floor without seeing anything.

She would have insisted to stay with Allen, but suddenly there had been a suffocating sensation. There would have been insistence even so, if it wasn't for Samuel Kallen… Not that she had anything against him, far from it, but it would have been an opportunity to try talking to Allen alone, something she still felt the need to… The words she would say failed her when she tried to think about it, just the wish existed.

Her mind took slow steps back to the night when he had left, the moments before he left, the last words exchanged between them and it ran through those four months without any communication, then the news that he was okay and the reencounter…

Reencounter. The term barely fit what had truly happened.

She had imagined how it would be several times, mind conjuring scenarios that went from positive to negative and all shades in between, the idea that she might have to fight him someday haunting her frequently to the point her imagination almost made a memory out of it that worsened gradually until the scenario was Allen joining the Noah by his own will. In such occasions, she pushed the thought away and even rebuked herself for allowing it: Allen _would never_ do such a terrible thing!

Never, never, never.

But unwanted thoughts are wild dogs, that can't be hold back for long, especially in the late hours of night when sleep escapes us.

Her hands rested on her laps, unfeeling to the gauzes in one of her arms, flesh uneasy under skin, nerves still frozen in waves of pain. To see Allen again should have been _different,_ they should have hugged and be able to express happiness with none of the reservations they had felt.

" _We abandoned him, Lenalee."_ Miranda's voice came to her mind.

When she had heard about Apocryphos, her first reaction had been to search a way to use that information so everything could be explained, so Allen could come back and they would remain together and would be a "family" again and…

She was happy they had been able to rescue Lavi and Bookman, no one would ever be able to say otherwise, the relief she had felt to know they were alive had ran through her soul and washed away months of worry… Only that… Only that now this was over and done…

A cold thing touched her wrist.

She blinked, only now realizing the tears coming down her face. She had once heard someone say that tears were like blood from a wound that wasn't physical or something along those lines and couldn't deny this went well what her current feelings: A wound in the soul couldn't be treated with pills or gauzes.

Her wrists closed as she held back a sob in the back of her throat. Everything seemed the same and however, it was _different_ and she wasn't sure of how to act in this situation or what to do to make things go back to how they were supposed to be. Even if she had been able to stay alone with Allen for a couple of minutes, Lenalee still didn't know what she would have said.

Of course, it was good to know he hadn't been completely alone in those months, even if… Well, even if one of the people who had been at his side was a _Noah._ What truly should matter was that he hadn't faced those months on his own, that he hadn't been consumed by the Fourteenth Noah, that he was fine and…

" _Why can't I stop feeling like this?"_

_"_ Hey, you alright?"

Blinking to clear her vision, getting rid of some small tears that were gathering on her eyes and lifting her head, Lenalee saw the girl of dark grey hair, Alison Rouwen, who studied her with a light frown.

"Are you hurting? Some wound opened?" Alison asked. Maybe it was her legs? Perhaps the girl needed a stronger painkiller or…

" _Damn, if at least we could go to a_ hospital…"

"N-No… That's not it…" Lenalee cleaned her face with the back of her hand.

"What happened?" The question was gentle, the other's voice hoarser than usual. There was a choker of gauze on her neck, layers repeating themselves around her arms. Sheryl's lines had made a nest in the exact point between epidermis and muscle. By pulling as he had done, the Noah's intention had been to skin her alive as one would to a rabbit.

"It's just… I…" Lenalee shook her head, hair following the movement. Her eyes still itched a little. "Everything is too different…"

Alison blinked and her frown deepened, not fully understanding what the girl was going on about and decided it was better to not say anything and let her continue.

"I didn't think that when we met Allen again… That it would be like _this."_ It hadn't crossed her mind to open herself with any of those people who she didn't know at all, but there are moments when one needs to expulse the feelings in the shape of words and it becomes easier when there is someone who seems willing to listen. "It _shouldn't_ be this way. I…"

She took a deep breath before going on.

"I spoke to him right before he… He left the Order… And I spent a long time thinking _when_ and _how_ I would see him again."

It was easier to go on if she kept looking at the floor and let the words open way by themselves.

"I was happy to know he _is alright,_ that we could meet and I wouldn't have to fight him! After all those times we helped each other, I wouldn't have been able to stand it if something _had_ happened!" There was no lie here, but somehow what she had seen moments ago… Allen, Kallen and the blonde woman talking like that. This was what there had existed between _them,_ but Lenalee couldn't find it again, no matter how much she searched.

"It wasn't how I thought… It wasn't how it was _supposed to be._ It wasn't as if he had come back from a long mission or when he appeared in Edo…" That was how reencounters between great friends was supposed to be no matter what, wasn't it? But it hadn't. In Edo, that had been a true reencounter, there were still a team, still a family…

"And… And when I try to hold the way things were, it escapes. I… I _just wanted we could go back to those days,_ that we could explain things to the Order so everything would be fixed! Allen says he forgives us and, well, of course he does, it's _Allen_ , but then… Then…"

"Then why can't things go back to the way they were before?" She heard Alison asking softly and nodded, her fingernails against the palms of her hands. The days before all that danced in her mind along with the present.

"I know it was wrong, but… If Levelier had not… If at least the Order _understood…_ That's why I thought we should tell about Apocryphos. Perhaps with time people would _understand_ and… I wanted to believe we could fix this. Then we would be a family again." When she had seen him laughing with those two and commenting about that Lauren girl… Lenalee had seen in those words and gestures what she wanted to have back and that now felt out of her reach. She hugged herself, in an attempt to feel warm.

"Why can't it be like before? I just want to get what we had back, this… This isn't _wrong!_ I just wanted him to come back…"

"Lenalee…" The girl called her gently when silence slowly came to be. "Do you know something?"

The girl didn't move to answer. There was no need to give any sign that she was listening.

"You _get on my nerves."_

Her words were whispered and enough to raise Lenalee's head as Sheryl's lines would have done.

What?

"Very _touching_ all that. No, really, it _is."_ Alison's tone remained a whisper even with the sarcasm growing, her expression an openly mockery of tenderness that didn't reach her eyes. Lenalee was about to reply when the other continued, waving her hand dismissively. "And, like all those little, sweet words you've _spit_ until now, they are completely useless."

With a sigh, Alison crossed her arms, the movement hardened due to her curatives and the wounds underneath. Lenalee stared at her in shock. Rouwen had kept her space until now, not going out of her way to be extra pleasant, but she had been polite enough.

"It is so _easier_ like this, is it not?" A sweet venom found its way to her words. "When you cry, everyone else think they no longer have the right to reprimand you. After all, you're already blaming yourself and suffering, poor thing."

"No! I don't… What are you _even_ …" The surprise before the other woman's words held Lenalee for a moment. An impulse to stand came to her, halting when the muscles of her legs protested.

Alison stared at her before sighing almost tiredly.

"Lenalee… Tell me. What do you _truly_ want?"

"I told you, I…"

"Forgiveness? Yes, I've heard that part. But _why?_ You said he did forgive you." Not that she, or any of those people, had done anything to _deserve_ it as far as Alison was concerned. She had kept it to herself, after all, like Lenalee had said, it was _Allen._ That was just how he was and Alison had no right to tell him how to deal with this, no matter how much she disagreed. "But so what, do you think that because of this, it follows that things _should_ go back to how they were before? That everything can and should be _forgotten_ as if it had never happened?"

The woman shook her head, almost more to herself than to Lenalee. Lilac and green kept tied to each other.

"Then what you want isn't _forgiveness_ , you just want to be able to _forget_ what you did."

"I _know_ it was wrong! I told you, I…"

Alison didn't let her carry on.

"Me, me, me. I, I, I. Can you only talk of how _you_ feel? Fine then, what do you plan to do to redeem yourself? Are you going to change yourself? Watch it so you don't repeat your mistake or hurt him again?" The older woman scoffed a humorless laugh, shaking her head. All her previous decisions of not getting involved had been forsaken in favor of her own feelings for that particular matter. "It so _happens_ , Lenalee Lee, that you want his "forgiveness" and for him to go back because what happened, and the consequences, don't fit in your cute little vision of the world where everything is black and white and you're in the extreme specter of the white, like heroes in some story."

"No, it _isn't at all like that!"_ Lenalee protested with a growl, leaning at the other's direction, hands closed in fists as her side, her voice pulsating. "And you don't know anything about me, you have no right to stand there and talk like…"

"I know enough just by hearing you." The reply cut the air, though it remained a conversational whispering, the seed of mocking having been replaced moments ago and the green of her eyes grew colder.

"You're the sort of person who keeps vowing to herself that you'll be stronger, that you'll give others the same support they give you… And you never _act upon it,_ never have the guts to go beyond this bell jar you created to yourself." Alison groaned, stopping for a moment to take a deep breath, lifting her head as she kept studying the other. "It would be understandable if you were younger, a way to deal with it, cope mechanism or whatever, but it is way pass the time you open your eyes. Honestly, _grow up_."

"Shut up. You can afford to say those things, you weren't there!" Lenalee snapped, her own anger growing. "Who do you think you are? You don't even know me!"

"Don't tell me you think you're the only one that was taken away from home and tossed into a war without a care for what you wanted of life?" Alison hissed between clenched teeth, not impressed by the girl's reaction. "The only one who suffers nightmares and barely knows how _to live_ unless it is doing what the Order _trained_ you to do? This should serve for you to see that nothing in life is simple black and white."

In the last sentence, Alison frowned as if trying to understand Lenalee's line of thought. It was a brief glimpse, soon vanishing. The memory of Suman Dark crossed Lenalee's brain, aware that Alison would have used him as example if she could, without any real need. The Order had forced him, asked for his services until his death in exchange for medical care for his daughter while not allowing him to see her again.

A shadow of smile broke apart Alison's face, so light it could have been a dream of thought. There was no change in her gaze.

"Oh, wait, you've never questioned the Order, have you? Not _really_. Even what they did to you or others. So, tell me, do you tend to find whatever justification you can or try to not think about it altogether?"

"What I think about the Order has nothing to do what the situation, this is about _Allen_! Don't mix it, it's not the same thing!"

"Of course it is!" Alison snapped, holding herself to not scream before controlling herself again. "When he had to leave, it broke your glass jar. Because if he is your friend and the Order is against him, the line between "you" and "them", "right" and "wrong" is no longer as clear as you believed it to be. So, you can't ignore it so easily. The world you created to yourself is now lacking a piece and you don't have your old comfort anymore, you can't be sure you're right, that you're a _hero_ , that the Order is _good_. And _that's_ what you can't stand."

"You don't know anything about us! You can't judge me when you weren't even there. What do you really know? Nothing about how… How I feel about him! Or what I felt when he left!"

"Oh, is that so? Alright. What were your last words to him? You said you saw him right _before_ he left." Surprisingly, Alison seemed genuinely interested. "Well, did you wish him good luck? That he stayed strong? Some promise that you wouldn't fight him, no matter what?"

Lenalee didn't answer.

Alison blinked.

"Oh, I don't _believe_ it…"

"I… I asked him to stay…"

Before Lenalee could say anything else, trying to explain why she had done so, the green-eyed girl scoffed a dry laugh, clearly disinterested in anything else she could have to say.

"Your last words to him were a pathetic plea for him to _stay?_ Right after the Order classified him as a _Noah_?" She asked, not bothering to hide her despise. "Did you actually think that if he went back with you, things would be alright? You didn't want to fight, but _who_ said you had to? The Order would sure, but you would _have_ to obey? Okay, then this just means that you didn't care if he rotted away in that _fucking_ cell as long as things remained the way you wanted. He is not a friend, Lenalee, he is just another brick you used to build your world."

"How _dare_ you?" The fight that had been lighted inside her oscillated for a moment in favor of hurt. "I would never see Allen like this, I would never think in any of my friends in such a demeaning way…"

"Oh, yeah, you certainly showed how much you care by sitting there feeling bad about everything and doing nothing. I would even be able to ignore it if it was because of your brother…" Alison carried on, her eyes rolling to the ceiling as if finding an interesting bug there to follow. "Torn between loyalty to Allen or your brother, understandable. But it _wasn't_. Considering your actions, your words… Your world starts and ends in yourself."

Alison studied Lenalee up and down with complete lack of interest, before turning her back to the girl.

"Saying "sorry" over and over won't fix anything, even if you're forgiven. You're remorseful? What good is that if nothing changes? Especially when _you_ don't change? If things went back to how they were, you wouldn't have to think about it or deal with the consequences… You don't want those days to come back because you're sorry or because of Allen. It's just for your own sake."

The woman stopped at the door for a second, turning her face to Lenalee for the last time, ignoring how the other looked at her with a mix of anger and hurt.

"Those days? They _won't_ come back. _You_ guys have made sure of that by yourselves. And if you want to know… At least the _Noahs_ are honest about their nature."

It seemed that Lenalee would reply, but Alison had no interest whatsoever in what she had to say and closed the door behind her. She very much doubted that girl would follow her in the state her legs were and even if she _did_ , it didn't matter at all. If she tried to bring the subject up later on, it was all the same. Alison had no intention of hearing her.

She had heard enough.

"And once again, Alison Rouwen uses her tongue as a whip."

The girl turned to the sound of the tired voice. Lauren was there, her back leaning in the wall near to the door with her arms crossed over her chest. Her posture would be considered of relaxation if it wasn't for her eyes.

Alison didn't reply.

Lauren sighed, looking at the ceiling for a second before back at the girl. That way Alison at times used words wasn't a surprise for anyone of the group, but at the same time…

"Don't you think you were far too harsh with her?"

"There is nothing wrong with missing the past. The problem is that she is only doing so because she wants to _run away,_ not because of friendship or anything of this sort." Alison groaned categorically, not feeling up to speak more about it. Her throat was starting to hurt and her nerves were waking to pain again.

At the same time, she knew Lauren was someone you just couldn't ignore, even if you tried.

The mocha-skinned girl shook her head, disturbance marking her entire being.

"Ali…" She whispered almost with sadness. "You went _too far._ "

When Alison didn't react, she sighed.

"Did you know her?"

"No."

"Then why do you hate her so much?"

The silence that followed had a different nature than the one that had been left in the room with Lenalee and the green eyes strayed to the side for a moment, before she turned her back to Lauren. Once she spoke again, her voice carried the tiredness of many sleepless nights along with something else, whose origins were buried deep in her nerves.

"She reminds me too much of myself when I was in the Order…"

Alison looked over her shoulder to Lauren.

"What I _don't_ want is for her to end up crying for the same reasons I did."

With that, she entered another room and closed the door. Lauren said nothing else nor made any move to follow the other, fully aware of what Alison meant. She could not say she agreed with what she had just said to Lenalee, but at least she comprehended now.

Irene.

Lauren sighed, feeling the known weight coming back to her organs. No…

There was nothing wrong in missing days or elements of the past.

They would all be hypocrites of they said otherwise.

**XxX**

Sitting near the window of a naked room, Alison's gaze crossed the glass and got lost in the woods, not truly seeing anything. Trees stood and their branches intercrossed in webs and those undressed of leaves were old bones.

To hear Lenalee speaking had truly reminded her of herself, how she had been a lifetime ago. And Irene…

Irene…

No. It wasn't that _Lenalee_ had made her think of Irene. Alison couldn't stop thinking about her every day. Every second.

And every second, she missed her.

Irene.

They had lived in a small city of Europe.

One of those small locals you find easily anywhere. A city that could be ignored in the map without an issue.

The father was an artisan.

The city could someday grow and become something more or then be devoured by time and not even leave a scar of a name, a proof of existence.

The mother was a helper in a small hotel. It wasn't that the city could be truly considered a touristic point, but when someone came by train or had to catch a ship, it wasn't uncommon that they would need a place to stay.

There were hills near the city.

Irene liked it.

Green hills, green that went until where the eyes could see.

It had been more than eight years ago.

That if you counted it in a calendar. Everything could have happened in another life.

The hills.

The sea.

And Irene…

Irene

_Used to enjoy going to the fields a little beyond the city. Going up a small hill, it was possible to see the trails of the train cutting the green as a small dark serpent and, beyond, the sea covered the horizon and reflected the sun with the image of a blue mantle jeweled with drops of gold._

"C'mon, Aliss!" _She calls with laughs, like when they were children and runs some steps more before taking a seat in her favorite spot, right under a huge oak. One of the few trees of that point and in whose branches they had played several times when they were younger._

_Both love this particular spot of the hill exactly due to the lack of other trees around and the view. When small, their parents used to bring them here frequently and Alison and Irene, with childish innocence, had come to regard the place as something mystical and special, almost as secret belonging to them alone._

_Years that bring maturity had made it clear it was merely sentimental association. It no secret, nor a place reserved for them, but something in their interior remained regarding it with the care that survives growth. Perhaps it was more connected to the animal self than the place as a physical point._

_"_ Easy, girl." _Alison replies while Irene places a small tablecloth down with stones in the corners so it won't fly away. Alison knees down at her side and takes food out of a small basket. It's Friday, classes are over and vacation are at the beginning._

_"_ Do you think you'll be in the same class as Benjamin next year?" _Irene inquires with a wink, that Alison ignores with a roll of her eyes as if she was still young enough to despise the idea of barely having a friendship with a boy, let alone interest. But Alison is aware she will never say anything to Benjamin._

_Everywhere has its social hierarchy and in few places you'll find the human necessity to form one (not for need of order but for need to have a division between superior and inferior ones) than in a school, in the twins' opinion. Alison and Irene are not in the lowest cast, but Alison knows she can't dream about anything alike a relationship with Benjamin either._

_The Rouwen twins are not repulsive, but are not attractive either (not enough to allow them to call attention at school). They aren't poor, but are not rich (not that they care). They have their group of friends and it's enough for them. They are people who can't approach the bright circle of laughs of the popular students, however the fact they are left alone by bullies is good enough._

_Therefore, whatever feeling Alison may have for Benjamin will only work to break the protection they have, attracting attention and pushing them down from their position, inciting comments and mockery. Aware that's how things would go, Alison simply accepts and will rather like Benjamin from afar. It's easier to admire someone who doesn't remember your name even after two years studying together than someone who remembers who you are just to avoid the gaze with despise or (worse) join those who will point and laugh._

_It's Irene's time to roll her eyes. Alison may hide everything even from their parents, but Irene is far too much a part of her._

_"I am you. You are me." They used to say when children, sitting in front of each other and imitating movements in such precise way that one would think those were previously combined gestures._

_They are not._

_"_ It would be better if you at least tried." _Irene mutters while running her hand through her identical grey hair. Her voice has no exasperation or tiredness, she is merely pointing out her opinion. "_ Honestly, what will he do, Aliss? Kill you?"

_Alison prefers to change the subject. Benjamin may be the gentlest person of the classroom, owner of soft voice and suave glances, but this doesn't change the fact he is a person belonging to the firm circle of light, praised and who gets attention no matter where he goes. Even if he doesn't mock her should she say something, others will._

_Irene is the only one who knows of her interest for the boy and also knows until what point her incentive is welcome and the line that separates it from becoming invasive._

_"_ What do you think we could do during this vacation? I'm not sure I want to work for Mrs. Honsem…" _Mrs. Honsem. Boss of the hotel where their mother work and who at times employs extra help during vacation time for half-time. Irene doesn't feel like keep doing it for much longer, she feels there will come a time in life when a consolidation happens… All she knows is that she doesn't want to spend her life working in a hotel. She can't think about it as the profession she desires._

_She doesn't have an actual idea of how she wants her life to truly be either and the thought has come to her mind (and her sister's mind) with more intensity in the last months._

_Alison turns her eyes to the branches of the oak, twisted in a web above their heads. She understands her sister's feelings almost as if they were her own until a certain point. Irene is the one who looks to the horizon and wonders that lies beyond the field crossed by the gray line of the train. She is the one that looks to the sea and dares to throw herself to it. Alison still remains with her feet in the grass and merely gazes at the waters with hesitation before her sister offers her hand with words of security._

_"_ I don't know. It isn't as if we had much more to do in town." _A reality they thought more about when they were children, before getting used to it. Alison is not a fool and knows the world is not limited to a small town in the middle of nowhere such as this… The thought about this place is as comforting as bothersome, for reasons she can't convey into words._

_Her eyes escape between the branches to find the sky. An idea crosses her mind to her mouth._

_"_ Perhaps we could travel."

_Irene's back become straight. Shoulders turn into stone. A cat ready to jump and an intense light is born in her being._

_"_ Do you really think so? _Without_ mom and dad?" _She adds with a hopeful tone. Something in this way of her speaking always seems to make Irene shine with an inner fire._

"I think you're asking for waaay too much now." _It would be a bit hard to convince Josef and Hila Rouwen to travel by themselves, even if they were to stay merely a week in a neighbor town._

_A low chuckle joins Irene's and cut the conversation, a restrained and polite sound that seems to back off after touching them. Both turn and realize the presence of a man nearby. He doesn't look like anyone they know and raises his hand when green eyes land on him._

_"_ My apologies. I didn't mean to intrude." _None of them react immediately. The man is dressed in a black coat and carries a book in his other hand. The white hair falls framing his face in curtains and he has a shadow of mustache._

_"_ Ha… Good afternoon." _Alison greets him for education as Irene waves in a briefly way._

_"_ Good afternoon." _The man replies. His eyes are black and deep, the lines marking his face have gentleness. "_ I didn't know this place was taken, my apologies. I didn't mean to bother you." _Both see it's true. The man had just been coming up the hill and met them by mere chance._

_"_ You're not from here, are you, sir?" _Irene asks, soon adding. "_ I don't mean to intrude, I mean…" _The reason behind the question is clear. Small town. The man denies with his head and explains he is merely staying in town for some days._

_With the caution manners of who is before a stranger and slowly a conversation starts. The man is Kevin Yeegar and arrived in town two days ago and came up here yesterday to read._

_"_ I liked the place and thought about coming back today." _He explains, showing a book that neither of the girls know._

_"_ It's a good book?"

"Quite good." _He offers it to them and Irene picks with care, taking a look at the back to have an idea of the subject._

_The twins end up inviting the man to sit down with them. He thanks the invitation and complies with firm movements for his apparent age and even after coming up the hill, he doesn't appear to have broken a drop of sweat or to be out of breath._

_During the conversation, none of the girls has means to know the real reason for the man to be in town._

_Yeegar meets them again in the following days. He is an interesting man and both girls appreciate his intelligence and the things he knows and shares with them. Only later, recalling the conversations, they would realize some signs._

_They don't become friends right away, but they don't feel any surprise when Yeegar tells he has been a teacher a long time ago (Irene later comments to Alison that she would rather have Yeegar as their teacher at school and her twin can't deny it), although both feel something amiss in the way he mentions his old career._

_So it was natural for them to start calling him Professor. Yeegar never gave signs of being bothered by it, smiling the first time Irene calls him as such._

_As the two politely refused the offer of Mrs. Honsem to work a little during their vacation (the mother inquired why, but neither of them could find the exact terms to explain, it's something that only gains more substance when they exchange glances and how can you put something like this into words?), they go out with Yeegar and show him around town. It's almost a trade: They present him town, Yeegar present them (through his tales) the exterior world and Alison soon notices something in Irene's eyes at the same time something wakes in her blood._

_Then, perhaps for the first time, the idea of what lies beyond the sea and the train rails is finding birth in her in a conscious form. Alison doesn't know and doesn't bother with analyzing it. Certain things need only to be felt and nor her, nor her sister are out of the phase when the body goes through inner storms as if everything that exists under the skin is moving and searching the right position, trying to place itself, trying to…_

_Trying to what?_

_In a way or another, it doesn't last long._

_A week after they met. Night is coming. Their mother shift is ending earlier today, so Irene and Alison decide to go to the hotel along with Yeegar, so they can go home with her. Their mother has already met Yeegar after hearing the daughters telling about him and went to meet him, who presented himself with all politeness. Hila Rouwen is distrustful by nature, but has instinct about people. She expressed this distrust upon learning of this friendship between an older man and her girls (who could be his granddaughters), but the man has nothing of perverted or sick or any trait that causes the maternal alarms to scream in her mind… And when her daughters invited him to dinner two days ago, their parents seemed to like him in the end._

_Even so, Hila left them with a warning that they shouldn't go to isolated placed with him anyway._

_The ending of the afternoon drops shades of gold over the streets with care and they quickly become bluish while the air around holds the warmth. Yeegar tells them about cultures of other people and old myths they have never heard before, transporting them to other ages through his soft voice._

_Irene comments something about a character of a myth, the human desire of flying even with wax-made wings and Yeegar chuckles. It's really almost as if they were in some particular class and the three find a strange comfort in this thought. Like the hill and the oak, there is something especial when they talk like this, something belonging only to them._

_The destruction of this peace is a few steps of distance._

* * *

**Wolf: I can only hope no one will want to skin me alive because of Alison. Like Lauren said, she can take things too far.  
**

**Alison: Oh, please, someone had to beat some sense into that girl.**

**Lauren: Beat some sense? Ali, you didn't have to be so cruel.**

**Wolf: Hey, enough. Well, not much to say, but we're going to have a glimpse into Alison's past and what made her leave the Order.**


	25. Act Twenty-Five – The Wounds that Never Heal

_"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." –_ Harriet Beecher Stowe.

_When they enter the hotel, there is only silence to be found. In itself, this isn't so much cause for surprise despite all odds, since this isn't a big place for starters. The few tenants could be either out or in their rooms and most of the staff would be changing turns or in the kitchens._

_The light from the lamps made their shadows shiver in the floor._

_"_ Mom must be upstairs." _Alison suggests to her twin as she glances around. The cushion of the sofas is straight, not a mark on them. The reception desk has nothing beyond the telephone and a lamp. The book of registers is opened at a random page._

_Nothing is out of place._

_"_ Or maybe she is talking to Honsem…" _Irene completes, more out of a sudden urge from her vocal chords to work in reaction to the silence that now pierced them. Her voice does sound lower than what's usual or needed._

_Yeegar's eyes gain a sharp edge as they run across the area around. None of the girls understand why he seems to be in search of something… Something that should be there and yet isn't. And whatever is still here… Perhaps shouldn't be found._

_Irene and Alison exchange looks. And all that needs to be said in this moment is said in this act._

_"_ We're scared." _Alison thinks, the rational mind confused by the animal instinct. "_ A lot. More than when dad was ran over. But afraid of what? What is wrong?" _It isn't the first time they enter the hotel and meet no one at first, so this can't be the reason._

_What is happening?_

_"_ Everything." _Irene's eyes answer. "_ I don't know, Aliss, but _everything_ here is just _wrong."_

_Yeegar still turns to them, indicating the door in a sign that it would be better if they left. Both shake their heads in denial, even if they would like to do just that, even if they_ want _to leave a place that bears a sensation of such… Such unnaturalness._

_But they can't._

_The man cast them a grave stare, but both still deny it. What if their mother is still here? There is something here and they can't just turn their back on it. They don't even know if they would be able to…_

_Yeegar sighs in silence and makes a gesture for them to be alert and stay behind him as he goes for the stairs, taking every step with caution for noises. The silence is heavy around them._

_The man changes with every step. The appearance remains the very same, but underneath his skin, the muscles become rigid and there is a new firmness in his movements. With a gleam neither of the girls has ever seen in his eyes, he appears bigger somehow._

_Alison shivers, looking around almost without control as she feels the presence of something, not unlikely one who knows he is being watched and she can almost be sure there is a sort of smell in the air that has nothing to do with the place. And if she ever manages to think about it later but free of the knowledge she will acquire, it will be the instinct that will understand this is the smell of insanity._

_The rational mind will run away from it._

_Wait…_

_That's it._

_The air is wrong. The smell in the air_ is _wrong._

_Upon arriving in the hallway, the shock and fear is what closes the girls' throat and nerves. At Alison's side, Irene leans on the wall to not fall, hand covering her mouth that has no strength to scream._

_The hallway is painted in blood._

_The walls are red and stained with grey that look too much like human shadows that somehow were burned into the surface. Alison steps back, mind threatening to close so it doesn't have to bear the details of the scene, the sound of the blood slithering down the wall, the bright color…_

_Something comes from the side._

_Irene's scream is a plea for insanity so she doesn't have to deal with any of this._

_Alison's own mind enters a mist-like trance of who has spent too many nights awake and has no strength for thoughts. And the last thing she feels is relief for it._

_The thing in the end of the hallway turns the protuberance full of eyes towards them. The mouth opens in a cacophony of quick screams as the blood slithers down. It has no teeth, but small sharp things wave in movements of worms. Pieces of meat that still bear human form fall in the wet flood, blackening and becoming dust._

_"_ EXORCIIIIST! EXOOORCISSST _!" It sings loudly, causing Alison to cover her ears against the sound that pierces her eardrums to scratch the nerves._

_"_ Get out of here! Run!" _Yeegar orders them, without looking back. A sound from behind, but Alison doesn't turn, doesn't move, doesn't think, not until Irene suddenly grasps her hand and pulls her along to another hallway, as the stairs are blocked by another creature._

_The first being jumps against Yeegar. The second cries out something about Innocences._

_And nothing of it makes sense._

_Irene runs with Alison through hallways, both hearing a series of movements behind them, indicating they are being followed. Hallways and hallways, some containing black corpses, some washed in blood and Irene enters a random room, pushing her sister through the door._

_"_ Aliss?" _Irene whispers after closing the door and placing her ear against the wood, hearing when the creature pass by._

_Alison says nothing. There is no movement either. Her eyes are still burned by the image of the creature and there are shivers in the nerves under the skin._

_"_ Aliss! _" She insists. Nothing._

_A sound of whip cuts the air._

_Irene breathes in, hand still as Alison's face grows red quickly from the slap._

_None of them has_ ever _hit the other. Even during their worst fights, they have never reached such point. Alison blinks, turning her face to her twin, who sighs upon noticing a little lucidness coming back to her eyes._

_"_ Listen, Aliss," _Irene whispers, grabbing her shoulders, nails against flesh. "_ Don't do this. I need you here. We're seriously screwed…" _She looked back to the door and frowned, indicating the wardrobe with her head. They had no way out, not with the main hallway taken by those monsters. And to leave by the window would mean their deaths._

_The creature was coming back._

_Pushing some hangers to the side, both enter, their breaths dropping as they fear to make any noise. They don't risk leaving a creak open. Their bodies, as one, try to cease functioning as if even the beating of their hearts could denounce them._

_They hear the door opening._

_Heavy sounds. Metallic sounds. "Steps" is the closest name for it, though it's not quite right._

_Hisses. Is the thing sniffing? Or laughing?_

_Alison's heart is frozen._

_More heavy sounds that have nothing of organic or life to it. They grow weaker as the creature leaves. None of the girls move until there is no more shadow of sound and Irene has to take a deep breath before daring to open the door a little._

_The room is empty._

_Perhaps the thing was not searching for them, perhaps it couldn't smell them after killing so many people, but in the end, it doesn't matter._

_"_ God…" _Alison whispers and it is the first sound she can produce since she has seen those beings. Irene sighs in agreement, still not able to understand and her actions being commanded by the survival instinct._

_They exchange glances. What if their mother… No, they can't think about it now._

_Irene holds her sister's hand as she nods in a way that says they have to be strong, remain calm and try to leave. This is the priority. Alison nods back, she knows all this, but also needs someone to remind her._

_Hoping against hope the stair is empty now, they venture through the hallway. The blood still feels warm and it goes through their shoes. The black corpses stare at them with empty eye sockets._

_They reach the stairs. For an instant, it seems everything will be alright…_

_Before they can react, a creature jumps from somewhere. It drags Irene down. Alison screams, looking around without any idea of what to do. The creature's mouth opens in a laugh or growl. A tongue made of soft protuberances that wave covered by a strange substance falls from the mouth. Irene is struggling and screams when it rubs against her face…_

_Chains cut the air._

_The creature screams as it turns its head (or at least the member where the mouth was). The chains pierce the carcass of metal. Yeegar tells it to leave Irene alone. The being, caught in surprise, jumps and tries to get rid of the attack. Greenish lights come from Yeegar's black coats as living shooting stars, attracted by Irene and Alison._

_Two chains follow the attack and pull the creature with a strength no one would have judged possible._

_A light runs through the body that, by all laws of physic and nature, shouldn't exist before it disintegrates._

_Yeegar destroys the creature at the same time the lights burn the hands of the Rouwen twins, without devouring their skins. When Alison realizes, there is a bow of white and green flames at her side. Irene has her hands on something alike a fencer sword whose white light reflects in her eyes._

_It is Yeegar who manages to make both of them regain their senses and tells them to wait and he goes to finish the remaining creature. He wouldn't ever send them back home alone after those events, so he tells them to sit in the sofa and both comply, the exhaustion finally claiming their ability to feel anything and they embrace the sanctuary from the storm of emotions (none of them pleasant). Meanwhile, he calls someone on the telephone on the reception desk, talks to someone and then proceeds to call the police, talking with the inspector once he arrives._

_None of the girls pay any attention to any of it, but none of the three are accused of anything (later, the idea would seem ridiculous considering what they could see of the corpses) and Yeegar takes them home._

_They have no strength anymore to keep a lucid thought and fear for their mother… If she is dead… If those creatures got to her…_

_The image of the black corpses, nothing more than ashes that held human form, is vivid in their minds._

_It isn't the case, one of the few sources of peace of this night. Hila had left work soon. She is already back home, since she hadn't thought her daughters would go to the hotel with Yeegar. In short, her salvation has been due to pure luck._

_This night, the truth is exposes. The existence of akumas, the Order and the Innocences, and the fact that Yeegar has stayed in town because two of the Innocences he carries had started to react weakly since his arrival, indicating the presence of accommodators, who had ended up being Alison and Irene Rouwen. The akumas that have attacked the hotel were probably after him and all the Innocences he carried._

_Had they not been part of the events of this night, none of the girls would ever have believed such story._

_Josef Rouwen stares at his daughters firmly, aware that none of them has motivation to lie about a story that sounds so much like pure nonsense and leans towards them. Hila has placed covers over their backs upon seeing them, not needing to listen to anything to realize there is something terribly wrong with her daughters. Now, Alison and Irene are drinking some hot chocolate, as they had done in the night Josef had been ran over and none of them had been able to sleep with the fear that their father might die._

_"_ Girls _?" He calls them with gentleness. Identical green eyes meet his and his heart agonizes upon finding the exhaustion and remains of fear in them, enough to make him wonder if it will ever leave and how deeply it pierced them. "_ You truly saw all this?"

_Alison lowers her gaze. Irene nods in silence. Won't this night ever end?_

_The weapons that were their so-called weapons rest in the sofa. Hila has left them there upon seeing her daughters didn't seem at ease near them. She wasn't sure she liked those things herself… The eternal flames that make the shape of a bow and the blade of the sword, even if they don't hurt at the touch, are not something she enjoys. They are as unnatural as the "akumas" Yeegar tells them about._

_Yeegar also told them how those weapons are in "raw" state and need to be processed in order to be properly used._

_It is not a detail that particularly interests Hila or her husband._

_Wasn't it for the fact their daughters have confirmed the whole ordeal, they wouldn't have believed it, regardless of the evidence in the couch._

_Josef stares at Yeegar, all gentleness gone from him as he lifts his face._

_"_ To the _devil_ with all this."

_Yeegar can only sigh. He can't say he ever expected another reaction._

_"_ Mr. Rouwen, I do understand your feelings…"

"Forgive me, sir, but I don't believe you do." _Hila growls, not caring to hide the savagery in her as her hands rest in her daughter's shoulders, in an instinctual gesture of protectiveness that Yeegar knows to be useless. Josef doesn't tear his eyes away from the old man, not intimidated by the strength of those dark eyes._

_"_ This can be all true, very well, let's go on from this premise as insane as it is," _His words come between the teeth and he leaves out the detail that he believes it all due to his children. "_ Since otherwise, we won't be able to advance with this conversation… Be as it is, you're saying that, due to those Innocences, my daughters are supposed to go with you to God-Knows-Where. As if that wasn't enough, they are supposed to be send to a war against a being who, according to you, has the power to bring souls back from whatever afterlife there is and cage them in skeletons of metal so he can use them as weapons…"

_Yeegar doesn't nod or makes any confirmation gesture, aware this will be more damaging that helpful. He has already dealt with similar situations, but it is always hard and he hates it. There is never a simple way to explain such things to anyone, let alone how they have to leave their lives and all they love behind to serve the Black Order against the Millennium Earl._

_But he would rather explain things himself and as calmly as possible rather than contact the Order and let the men from the Central to take matters in their own hands and tear people away from their homes by force._

_"_ As I said, to the devil with this. I don't care what is happening or who you are, I know my rights and my daughters' rights. I won't stand for this!"

_It would have been nice if there is a real protection in this, but there isn't. And Yeegar knows it._

_"_ Mr. and Mrs. Rouwen, I truly understand your feelings. You may think otherwise, but I do. But there is really… Nothing to be done. The Innocences chose them." _And nothing would change this. Not even death._

_"_ And what does this interest us?!" _Hila almost screams, the grip on her daughters' shoulders increasing a little, more out of fright than anything else. She has no care for this whole story, considering the description of those akumas and what happened, there is no way she will ever send her daughters to a war, let alone one that involves such beings that shouldn't exist._

_Josef would expulse Yeegar from his home at that moment, but it is Irene's intervention that stops the fight from growing._

_"_ Can we… Can we discuss this later?"

"Irene!" _Hila exclaims almost as if reprimanding her daughter for saying something improper at the dinner table. Alison remains in silence, closed in herself._

_"_ We're tired, mom… Yeegar sensei… He can't go back to the hotel… Can we just, just go to sleep and talk about this in the morning? Please?" _None of the parents like this very much, but in this night they won't be able to deny anything the twins ask for. And what there is to be found in Alison and Irene's eyes is enough to calm their anger and fear. Although disliking it, Hila allows the man to stay for the night. Yeegar contents himself with sleeping in the couch, thanking for it. There was no lie, he knows what those parents are feeling, but can't do anything about it…_

_Alison says nothing that night, the only thing her being is able to do is to desire washing herself until the smell of blood is no long impregnated in her skin, even if she didn't get dirt at the hotel._

_But the air from there has followed her and her sister._

_The days that follow are just a long tense line. Hila and Josef give the necessary space to their daughters and understand the gravity of the situation while discussing with Yeegar in particular. Though the instructions of the Order are clear in those matters (they must inform at once when they find new accommodators), the General prefers to deal with it by himself than to leave it to the Central and doesn't pressure the twins or their parents, merely making sure they understand the case and can better accept it._

_On her turn, Irene is torn apart. She is not a child and comprehends what all of this means and how they can't just pretend that nothing has happened when the Innocences have already made a connection with them… Nor is she selfish enough to ignore the fact she can help people, somehow. At times, she holds her sword and observes it, thinking about it._

_Alison can't bear to even look at the bow that is hidden in their room. Even when Irene attempts to talk about it, she just refuses to cooperate, not wanting to hear a word of it._

_In three days, there is no advance in the matter._

_Until the fourth day._

_It has been stupidity to ignore how the akumas destroyed by Yeegar can't be the only ones or that others wouldn't be send after him and the new accommodators. When Josef is visited by a young man who uses to buy in his shop, he doesn't see anything wrong._

_Not until the human arm becomes a blade, piercing his body and leaving him in the ground as his organs collapse. A useless doll bleeding while his flesh grows darker. Still, Josef cries out._

_"_ RUN!" _The sound dies in the middle of the word as his face freezes, mouth open, eyes taken by pain. Then, the body becomes a black mass, shattering at the sound of the akuma's laugh._

_Yeegar assumes a fighting pose as Hila and the girls run upstairs. A rain of glass falls over Irene when another akuma enters through the window, attacking her. Hila picks a vase and throws against the creature whose arms are several blades and throws herself against it to push it away from her daughter._

_The akuma grabs Hila with boneless arms, wrapping her. Hila screams. The snakes covered by thorns press the flesh, press the bones…_

_Alison cries out, but there is nothing to be done, no way of attacking and the shock immobilizes her and her sister…_

_Hila looks at her children, blood escaping from her mouth._

_With shivering lips, she still tries to force a smile despite how her organs and bones are too close together and she can't breathe._

_"_ Go… I love you…"

_The smile wakes them up. Makes them to turn around, just thinking that the Innocences are the only way of fighting, of_ doing something.

_Behind them, the sound of bones cracking follows. They hear the blood gushing out of their mother's body._

_It was louder than her scream._

_The three manage to escape the house, Yeegar destroying the third akuma that corners Irene and Alison in their room. Both try to fight, but the weapons have strength far greater than what humans can bear in that state and they barely can defend themselves._

_After this day, they decide to go with Yeegar. Not moved by revenge and neither by pain, which isolates them from everything around… It is just a notion of not having anything anymore. What matters if they remain in the city or not? Somehow, the akumas have not only killed their parents, but their lives… The city is no longer home, even if there are people who would take them in._

_In the end, it doesn't make much of a difference anymore for them._

_So, the great change that happens in their lives upon entering the Black Order doesn't touch them so much at first, closed as they are in a particular cocoon of pain in which they only allow entrance of each other._

_Being the one who found them, Yeegar becomes their General._

_The trip to the Order is long and spent between stages that are only made of sleeping, eating and remaining awake, without being a part of the world that surrounds them and the memory of those days is often taken by mist and blurred._

_They reach the Headquarters at least, Yeegar at their side all the time. Alison still can remember of the inspection by Hevlaska and the first night spent in the black building. What she remembers the most is how nothing of this seemed to matter, nothing fazed or interested her or her sister…_

_They don't stay there for long, for Yeegar decides to take them along in his travels, taking time to train and teach them. It is more than preparation for battles, more than training for when they need to go in missions by themselves as he still teaches them about the same things he did back when he first met them, trying to make use of subjects that may call upon their attention and teaching also about the world they're trying to save and protect._

_It is with calm patience that Yeegar opens his way to them again, between the memories of what happened and the pain, taking time to hold their hands and bring them back to the present and to life. It is clear how he enjoys still being their "teacher" and also now a sort of guardian, so he gives them what they need the most: Time and space so they can work their feelings on what happened, what they saw and giving them the chance to get used to their way of life._

_With the days evolving in a chain and forming months, the wounds get covered slowly and they get used to things, entering the curious "routine" of the Order (if it can be called such). They don't tend to go for the Headquarters much, staying more in the America section and is there they start to develop a sensation that comes close to "home"._

_Their bodies get used with the movements and attacks, gaining agility and sharpening reflexes. And through learning to fight, they also learn to feel their connections with the sword and the bow. In moments they fight or train together, they complete each other as always, in a way that couldn't have been more coordinated if they had combined it beforehand, more than steps of a choreographed dance._

_As such, with delicate steps of fawns, they find a space and nestle themselves there in the scheme of the Order, making contact with others such as Siriel Volkaren, also from Yeegar's unit and who has joined the Order before them._

_He is a boy of soft manners and inscrutable smile who frequently talks with them until reaching the point of becoming a friend. When they start to have their own missions without their General, they often go together and Siriel likes to have more people in his unit, which soon becomes a team._

_He is not the only one who they meet and get along with. Being a cheerful person who often knows how to make those around her laugh, Tina Spark from Klaud Nine's unit also becomes a friend to the twins._

_Perhaps what happens is due because it is good to feel you_ belong _somewhere still, to have something guiding your life (be a purpose or mission)… Perhaps it is just because she feels she is doing something that matters, but Alison finds herself thinking about the Order as a home. Even after having particular missions, she and Irene keep contact with their General and enjoy when their missions are with him._

_And with the soft routine and comfort of returning, the firmness of the Order among a world that is a black sea where fishes hide in the depths, unseen for others, offers a refuge in which there can be safety. And it is in this safety Alison nestles herself, not realizing the strings that slither into her veins and get hold, tearing them out of the body to form a marionette. She sleeps in her role of Exorcist and remains as such._

_Things can carry on like this._

_They could have carried on like this._

_Until Irene starts to behave strangely._

_Another person wouldn't have taken notice and even Alison can't see it at first, judging it to be caused by something related to their missions or anything of this nature. Time has no meaning anymore, only the moon rising and hiding in a slow dance with the sun. Even the passage of the months becomes relative after certain point._

_But there are changes._

_Irene slowly becomes more introspective than what is natural of her, thought years of fighting and missions have made a fence in her free manners and her smiles are not as often nowadays. Some of her free hours are no longer spent with Siriel, Tina or Alison and for the first time since they arrived, there is a day when she misses her training._

_Small details. Almost nothing._

_But they mean a lot more._

_Until Irene calls Alison one night, needing to talk. In the North America headquarters, there are also rooms for Exorcists that pass by there between missions and both have their places as the others, but it is not there where they meet. Irene prefers the gardens._

_Under a weak waning moon, Irene takes a seat in one of the banks between white roses that are like fallen stars._

_"_ Irene… Is everything alright?" _Alison asks, suddenly whispering for a reason she doesn't understand, not wanting to disturb the night. The sister gazes at her, a strange expression in her face._

_"_ Aliss…" _She mutters, unsure of how to proceed. Alison sits at her side in silence. Irene sighs. "_ Do you… Do you think we are in a right place?"

_Alison blinks, not grasping what lies behind those words. Nothing that her sister had to say has ever surprised her in such a way, words were almost useless between them, who could understand each other with a mere gaze. It has been years since they joined the Order and now, with a mere question, Irene seems to want to agitate everything that has happened since then._

_"_ Well… We're exorcists. We're doing something right, here…" _Those aren't terms that have strength on their own in the middle of the night, but Alison just doesn't know what her sister means. She could have asked if they are truly humans or what the moonlight was actually made of._

_"_ I don't say about what we're doing!" _The other replies with near harshness. "_ I'm talking about the Order in itself."

_Alison frowns._

_"_ We're fighting to save humanity, we're fighting to save humanity, that's all we heard for months when we arrived and we ended up repeating it to ourselves, as if that's just what we need to know…" _Irene carries on, her eyes abandoning the moon and turning to her sister as if searching for something. "_ That I don't question, fine, but… But what are we _truly_ doing?"

_It is a question that suddenly has no answer. Missions, extermination of akumas, this all sounds too weak to work as an answer. Those are steps of the way, however…._

_Alison starts to have a notion of what is being said, but drowns it in her mind without realizing it._

_"_ We only go to missions, get the Innocence, destroy akumas. It can't be only that, a war is not just that. There is something… Wrong." _Having been in missions and lost their share of blood and flesh, and almost their lives, the terms "only that" are not fitting for the subject. Irene is referring to something bigger. "_ And the Order knows that."

_Yes, it makes some sense… They can exterminate akumas, but so what? More would come. They could find Innocences, but so what? The production of akumas, the cycle of death and pain being used for the birth of weapons and fights would continue. So… What were they doing in the end?_

_"_ Irene…"

"The Order knows it and…" _Her hand holds her sister's, digging nails in the flesh. "_ Aliss… Until where do you think they will go to win? Is salvation of humankind worth the loss of humanity? Can all limits just be ignored?"

_"_ What are you talking about?"

_Irene takes a deep breath. There are no easy ways of saying this._

_"_ Aliss. We can't stay here anymore."

_Alison blinks, almost unable to believe what she has just heard. It is the first time Irene says anything close to this nature and it has been more than two years since their arrival in the Order. Nothing tonight seems to make any sense and suddenly, Alison wants to get free from her sister's touch and walk away, something she had never felt in her life._

_"_ What are you…"

" _Listen to me!" The other hisses. "_ They… Aliss, I mean it, those people are insane. We never questioned anything before, so we never noticed, but… This whole deal of family, of teams, it is among us. In truth, we're nothing truly. Please, Alison, we _can't carry on like this…"_

_It is a surprise, it makes no sense to hear such things after years and Alison turns her gaze away. The sister is basically telling her they must leave… But where to? Where would they go? And how could they ever leave the Order, the only home they have known since their parents' death?_

_There is something almost horrible in hearing such words. But it is Irene, her sister, her twin. They have always been a complement of each other and Alison is unable to ignore what the other tries to say, almost as if afraid of using absolute terms, as if aware her words will break something that has become a definite condition of life, suffocating all other possibilities._

_And still, it is necessary to do so._

_"_ We can't go on. It's… It's no use." _Irene continues with the delicate way of who hurts to save. "_ I made some snooping around. We're the low cast. You wouldn't think so, but we are. We're paws in the chess game. Try asking the big guys, try to find out when this all actually _started_ , how we can actually win if we're stuck in a spiral and see what answer you get. None."

_Alison can't stand up, as much as she wants to. And then she knows that what is in her sister's eyes is something close to dismay, a worthless and defeated despair. Irene wanted to leave, she needed to, but wouldn't. Not without her sister._

_"_ Our _Innocences_ are useful. _We_ are not."

"Irene, please… No… It isn't like that."

"Tell yourself that." _Is the reply with the first smile of the night, that is just sad. Her shoulders remain down, eyes of an old person now. "_ Aliss… Please… I am you, you are me, remember? I can't do this by myself, I can't go alone…"

_Alison asks some time, just a couple of days so she can think about what Irene has told her this night and perhaps think about a plan as well, some idea of what they would do afterwards. Irene doesn't like it, but accepts and leaves her sister be. Alison, in her turn, rarely can actually think about it and sometimes wonders (almost with a hope that she hides from herself) if this isn't just some phase that will fade in some days. Even when the idea of leaving the Order becomes slowly more real, it doesn't provoke actions, even when Irene confides in her about experiments that try to_ force _people who are not compatible to connect with Innocences, as well as whispers and secrets hidden in the Archives._

_There are other things as well. Things Irene clearly wants to tell, but can't bring herself to do so._

_Even so, Alison backs away and throws herself in her missions, being grateful for them, for the distraction they provide, like a dog that is kicked and then licks the hand of the owner when offered a rotten snack._

_Upon returning from a mission, her awakening happens. The air is heavy with bad news and it informs her nerves before words do so, before her mind processes what she suddenly knows in her soul that feels like it's missing an essential piece. And she doesn't want to listen, doesn't want to know, doesn't want to confirm what she feels inside as she fights against the knowledge that will shatter her._

_There is no shield against it._

_There is no way of not knowing, not feeling._

_The words of Renny Epstain, superior in the Headquarters of North America, are almost not heard in a physical way._

_Irene is dead._

_They haven't been able to recover her corpse, only the sword, covered now by rust of death, no signal of its usual shine._

_Irene is dead._

_Alison stands still in the room, words of comfort sounding distant as she doesn't dare to touch the sword wrapped in a white sheet and hating the hands holding it because it is not right and she would have killed that Finder for touching what is left of her sister if it wasn't for how her body doesn't bow anymore to the mental command._

_More soft words, fake in their sounds. The only reality resumes to the sword in a rust cocoon, a thick scab of a corpse. She wants to hold it, but it's not allowed. The Innocence is to return to Hevlaska, until another person can be its accommodator._

_The idea of another person joining with Irene's Innocence is ridiculous and hateful._

_Alison wants to scream, to react. She is unable to and hates herself for it, going back to her room in silence. It is then that she gives herself to the despair, the insanity biting her thoughts, intoxicating her to a drunk-like state and isolating her of anything that may offer salvation._

_Irene is dead._

_Poets would describe a radical change, soul rebelling inside the body. What happens is not like that. It is just the inevitable and perhaps the awareness of what has already been put in motion somewhere in the past. It is just the critical point being reached._

_A wild fire that has long been asleep in her blood awakens day by day and leads her to, in the middle of the night, to invade the room of mission's reports, past caring for consequences. She has always been subservient, accepting the norms of the Order and not once testing limits. Now she does so, moved by dead echoes of Irene telling her about how she wanted, needed to leave the Order and what they actually were in the eyes of the Central._

_What they would do, then, with a dog that starts to remember how it has the blood of a wolf?_

_It isn't information hard to find. And the deduction to be made from specific terms is as simple as the sunrise._

_Japan has become a nest of akumas. An area covered by the lie of humanity, having worms of insanity and death underneath. There is no possible survival, not even chance of return. There have been rumors, but they had no idea the situation was this bad… And the Innocence has been brought back despite all odds because it is indeed all that truly matters…_

_What they would do with a dog that no longer obeys its Master?_

_Simple. The Innocence is important. The pawn that doesn't obey the chess player, is trash._

_Having realized Irene was questioning what she shouldn't, wondering about the value of the Order and how they conducted things and how far they would go if it meant winning, they had feared she would run off to the Noah's side or run off with the Innocence. Or perhaps they were just furious enough with her…_

_Irene had said they were insane, after all… Insane from fear, from the need to win…_

_In a way or another, Irene has been sent to her death by purpose._

_No one escapes the Order._

_And Alison knows… Nothing of this would have happened, had she trusted and followed Irene, if she had cared to understand her words._

_Irene is dead._

_And it is her fault._

_Cold is all she feels in the following days and a self hate that will follow her to her grave. She grieves, cries and isolates herself as it is expected. In this isolation of everything related to life (or the chain of routine that has grown around her, imitating life), part of her minds finds a cold functioning and objectivity in which nothing more has value, except leaving._

_She can't bear stay here. She may end up killing someone if she does. To stay is to betray Irene._

_Alison doesn't analyze her actions beyond what's necessary._

_For a couple of months, she plays her part with care to not awaken suspicions to the Central and she becomes aware of how they watch her closely for any signal of the same "errors" of her sister._

_The chance of escape comes by chance. Alison has already made particular preparations and only needs this small chance such as this, a battle in which she can fool the golem and leave evidence of her death._

_So, she allows herself to be hurt by the akuma and prolongs her fight as much as she can until she can destroy the golem in a way that makes it seem it is the shock of attacks that does so. Her body is wrapped in pain and the coat drinks the blood of her wounds._

_Nothing of this is cause of care to her and she leaves the ripped coat there, not even approaching the remains of the golem. The purse the Exorcists (and the term gives birth to a bitter taste in her mouth, filling her with disgust) is left behind, but she has hidden some things inside that she picks up and exchange herself in the middle of akuma's oil and her own blood, putting a new wallet she has made in secret in her pocket._

_In no moment she thinks about leaving her bow behind. Not because the Order will see through it that she is alive as because it is_ hers. _And she has to admit… She no longer knows what to do with her existence. Whatever dream of the past is forever out of reach, whatever she may have been is shattered and all that remains in the Innocence._

_She can't just turn her back to this war._

_But now, she will fight in her own way._

_"_ Alison…" _A voice calls her, deep and constant in tone. No need to turn back to know it is Yeegar and she briefly wonders if he has been sent to watch her from afar or if it is just coincidence or if he has done so by his own choice. Well, the answer doesn't even matter, anyway. She may pick any of those options and the result is the same._

_"_ Are you going to stop me?" _She asks serenely, but her voice seems to no longer know warmth or light. Her teacher and master is not a fool, he knows what seeing her with different clothes and leaving everything else behind entitles._

_Yeegar stays in silence. It is what he is supposed to do, no doubt, to make arguments and try to convince her._

_And use force if this doesn't work._

_"_ Do you know what will happen should they find out?"

"Do you know what will happen should I stay?"

_Silence from both sides. Alison looks over her shoulder to him, all warmth lost from her expression. Yeegar, for the first time, looks his age. The white hair frame a face hurt by time and life. The girl can't find in herself to care… No one goes through life without scars of some kind and in the moment, Yeegar's are of no importance to her._

_"_ I'm sorry…"

_Alison turns completely to him, merely staring with a dreadful placidity, waiting for what he has to say for due to a mere notion of good manners… And yet, of everything he could have said, this manages to touch her and cause some surprise, even if it feels so distant from herself. The General walks to her with the caution of one approaching an animal, his eyes not once leaving hers._

_"_ I'm really so, so sorry, Alison…"

_And without giving the woman time to respond, he involves her. A cold shiver that holds more emotions than the body can process runs through her nerves and his hug is the first thing that actually touches her heart in a time that feels too long. She finds no strength to attempt freeing herself._

_Something in this hug allows her to renovate her contact with the real world, with things beyond the depths of her interior and her guilty._

_No. Yeegar is not going to stop her._

_"_ Once more, I couldn't protect my beloved students…" _He mutters in her ear, though it is more to himself as he caresses the grey hair, as though handling a little child._

_Allowing her eyes to close, Alison feels the warmth of the man that has become the closest of family to her and Irene since their parents died and perhaps the only true family they found in the Order… At first, Alison has thought that the cold despise that has taken a piece of her being to itself would extent to Yeegar. And she finds that in her feelings for Yeegar, there is no room for despise._

_She hugs him back, with some relief in the point where her soul is still screaming. Irene had loved him. She does too._

_Both hold each other, sharing similar pain and knowledge. Both know those screams that never fade, that they must hear until their deaths and how during the nights, they will become a cacophony wrapping what is left of their sanities._

_"_ You _did_ protect us, Professor. You did what you could." _It isn't a lie made to make him feel better. If Irene had had a chance of telling Yeegar about what was going on, Alison doesn't doubt that the General would have helped her far more than Alison._

_Yeegar holds her tighter for a moment before letting her go and looking in her eyes. His hands shiver for a moment when he holds her shoulders and place a light kiss in her forehead._

_"_ Stay alive." _He whispers as if sharing a secret. "_ Run, my little one…"

_Alison does that._

_And never sees him again._

Alison opened her eyes. The memories of years often take just a couple of minutes to be replayed in the mind, like a record that someone heard so many times. Which meant the same events were replayed in her mind over and over in a small window of time…

The way she misses her sister remains, no mattering how much time passed. Same for the hate she felt for herself that day… Time, in those occasions, means nothing and she had learnt that. That wound, it would never heal…

If at least she had listened to Irene…

If at least she had thought about it, not hidden herself in the comfort created by the Order…

Then Irene would be alive.

Yes, she knew she had been harsh with Lenalee. But she had also been sincere in what she had told Lauren… The girl reminded her far too much of herself in her days working for the Order.

Alison just didn't want Lenalee to cry someday for the same reasons.

**XxX**

The pillows, or what was left of then, were hard to the skin. There was almost no difference between lying on them or in the floor, but Raz's body was taken by such exhaustion that she not even realized it.

Once out of the battlefield, the body relaxed with the relief of being still alive and it same relaxation allowed the tension of the situation to be freed completely and the nerves became more sensible to the memories (even if blurred) of attacks, screams and pain. It was like reviving the whole battle in the physical sensations.

After the Time Record of Miranda had been deactivated, the wounds of the fight had reached them. Johnny had at once started to patch them up, Miranda insisting she was in good shape enough to help and just stopping when Noise Marie had convinced her to rest. For some reason, though the woman didn't show many physical wounds and tried to appear fine, Raz had felt the strong impression that her organs were almost shattering inside her body.

Not that the state of the others was any better, including hers and Allen's. It wasn't because the Earl wanted them alive and they were "part of the family" that the Akuma or the other Noah weren't willing to use the necessary force. The memory of Tyki trying to hit her among a tornado of colors and sounds sent a cold shiver inside her spine and she turned to the side, eyes fixed upon the wall which paper had tore apart like the skin of some animal, exposing wooden bones and the emptiness between them.

After taking care of their wounds, some had gone to rest for a while or just try to put something in their stomachs, too tired to do more than that. Allen, Miranda and Elana had remained in the room with Lavi and Bookman. Both were still weak and seemed to be asleep… There were almost no visible wounds that could threat their lives, but all of them knew this meant nothing when it came to the Noah Clan and what they wanted. It wasn't hard to figure out, not with Wisely had told her and Allen.

It felt like ages ago…

The girl sighed to herself and lifted a hand to her eyes, thinking about the shadows that were hers to command. There was no real sensation of victory… She was relieved that they had been able to help Allen's friends and that they had all survived, but the weariness stopped any other sensation of being born and left open way to a sort of heaviness that was complex in its nature and didn't come from just one seed.

Her thoughts were conducted back to the white room of the Ark, the piano and the spider legs that had grabbed her nerves. The mental crack had been ignored then and she tried to bring it back with the care of who handles a rattlesnake.

" _It's not only that. I called Tyki_ Joyd. _Why did I do that?"_

But knowledge marked more in sensations and nerves than under the shape of a memory is harder to bring to the mind.

She made herself smaller, bending her knees to her chest as if she truly wanted to become smaller, hiding from whatever it was crawling inside her. It wasn't just the feeling of memories that had become clearer for a moment just to hide under her brain, it was also a cold that was born from the depths of her cells.

She couldn't feel at ease with those people who called themselves Exorcists. The long exposition to the Innocences of the rest of the group, added to the training with Allen, had helped her to place reins on the desire of blood that she had felt in the first days, but for some reason it felt worse when near those people (even if she could still control herself).

Raz remembered walking in the street with Samuel, watching them from afar as they talked to Allen and how that sight had hurt her eyes. It was _jealousy,_ nor was anything of such nature, it was more an isolation, perhaps not different of what a wild bird feels when seeing other birds from inside its new cage…

Besides… She wasn't even sure she liked those people.

But it wasn't the time to deepen herself in this particular river. It was another one she searched for in herself: The one whose waters had agitated upon seeing the white piano.

Still in the same position, she closed her eyes and tried to concentrate. The room that she knew she had seen before. No, wait, it wasn't the _same_ room, but had been build to be an exact replica. Allen had told her about the Ark, no Noah knew that room, not even the Earl himself.

" _And what about the room he found me?"_

No, no… Focus. She had to keep the focus.

So, if the room she knew wasn't in the Ark, where had she seen it? Had it been the same of her dream? She had dreamt about a piano and someone playing, so, it probably was…

The piano of Neah…

" _Neah D. Campbell."_

The white piano.

" _Mana D. Campbell…"_

The white room, so white that shadows had a blue hue…

Almost a sort of… of… God, what was the word that would work for what she felt? Sanctuary?

" _Mana D. Campbell… Mana Walker… Mana Walker…"_

Slowly, rocks that she blind threw in the river of her mind created waves.

" _Noah of Loneliness."_

Black river.

Black waves.

And Raz allowed herself to drown in them.

* * *

**Wolf** : **And, cliffhanger. But at least you guys got the rest of Alison's story, hope it was worth it.  
**

**Kanda: After all this time, you still doesn't change.**

**Alison: You still hope she ever does?**

**Wolf: Hey! What could I do? This chapter was long enough.**

**Raz: So, am I finally remembering something? Actually remembering?**

**Wolf: Maybe, maybe not…**

**Lavi: Excuse me, but am I going to stay asleep forever or what?**

**Wolf: Geez, calm down. You just got out of the Ark. I would be happy enough just with it.**

**Lavi: Well, I am! But we're already down the road and my appearances have been few to nothing! My fans will forget about me! –** **_whimpers-_ **

**Link: What about me? I just had one appearance until now!**

**Apocryphos: And the same has happened to me. I would appreciate if I could just find Allen and help him.**

**Allen: If you want to do is to "help me", I wouldn't like to see what you do if you hated me…**


	26. Act Twenty-Six – Blood on The Flowers

_"Do you think if you caught Buffalo Bill yourself and if you made Catherine all right, you could make the lambs stop screaming, do you think they'd be alright too and you wouldn't wake up again in the dark and hear the lambs screaming?" –_ Thomas Harris, "The Silence of the Lambs"

_Darkness._

_It didn't matter where she tried to turn to, it was all that there was to be found._

_Yet, she tried. Surely the darkness couldn't last forever, it couldn't stand itself forever without some foreign element as support. Even fire can't survive by itself alone._

_"_ Mana Walker… Mana and Neah D. Campbell… The white piano… The ark."

_Thoughts could take a long time to come into form, concepts to connect with words and sometimes, after being born, the letters had no more meaning than the sound of the rain…_

_And even that was hard to recall, to name, to know…_

_The mind still worked, but always held by darkness…_

_Darkness… Night…_

_No, wrong. That was not the soft darkness of the night or simply the absence of light in a room… What surrounded her was the distilled_ essence _of another type darkness, piercing her being and filling her up, until there was nothing else in her body, whether it was organs or blood._

_Darkness devoured the sound…_

_It pierced the eyes…_

_Touch was torn apart…_

_It stole any taste or remembrance of flavors…_

_It filled and emptied._

_Quite different from the darkness she invoked and reigned over, but at the same time there was a similarity, a sensation with barely any space to be born in that womb of silence._

_She was alone._

_"_ The white piano… The Ark… The Noah Clan." _A part of her mind (or whatever that still could work as such) grasped into this mantra. No reaction from the environment._

_Insignificant. Terms with no meaning._

_Nothing._

_"_ Oh… So _that's_ it."

_Yes. She could understand now, in the instinctive level a baby knows the difference between hunger and thirst. This was why she was the Noah of Loneliness. Because this was what this particular sort of darkness did: It entered the body, broke the soul and erased the senses. Until there was nothing left._

_The world was forever separated from you. And you were forever separated from the world._

_She knew this well._

_She knew_ loneliness _._

_There were no sounds, there were no smells, there was no sensation whatsoever…_

_Darkness was loneliness._

_Loneliness was darkness._

_And it was there that she was._

_Having only her mind empting at each moment she fought to keep a thought as company, she floated, still trying to invoke something that could cause a reaction, be in her or in her surroundings._

_Or were both the same?_

_The white piano._

_The golden eye behind a mask, tears falling…_

_The Noah Clan…_

_In the depths of all this, the girl felt something. Something that bit and torn up slowly. And she accepted those fangs in her being, allowed it to reach a deep spot of her flesh hidden even to herself until there was something touching it, feeling the flux of blood complicating in her interior when veins were ripped apart._

_At least it broke a little the non-feeling of until now._

_And then, in the darkness where one couldn't nor live nor die, a drop of light came into being._

_It appeared shyly and blinked a little, afraid of being there. Small and weak, but it should shine as much as the first star that was ever born in the sky._

_She couldn't move, but tried to approach it._

_A drop of light._

_A small white star…_

_White, so white…_

_A shape…_

_Something small and delicate…_

_White._

_It was a flower, of the purest white…_

_"_ Like the fallen snow, don't you think?" _The man at her side asked with a cheerful tone while her grey fingers reached out and touched the closed petals, so lightly that it's as if she is examining the contact rather than the plant._

_"_ Snowdrops are the first to bloom after winter." _Another male voice commented, so soft that it could come from a dream. Both her and young man nodded, even thought it was not the first time they saw those flowers, it was the first time they tried to plant them in the garden. The first man ran his hand through his dark hair, placing some strands back, holding a pen in his free hand. The paper sheet lying in front of him on the table was scarred by musical notes and some quickly-scribbled words._

_"_ Do you think they will take root?" _The second man sitting in front of her asked, some doubt revealing in his voice (it did nothing to diminish its soft quality) as he looked to the flowers. She shrugged a little in response, indicating she didn't know, though there was no reason to think they wouldn't. Ignorant to gardening skills she was, but even if those flowers had been brought from a distant place, the gardens around the circular table already possessed a great variety of colors and shapes, so…_

_"_ I don't see why they wouldn't." _The other man commented, twirling a pen between his long fingers. "_ Where did Raenya get them, again?"

"Found some in a field in Ireland. She thought they would make a nice addition." _The young man's dark eyes had the look that meant his mind was far from here. He could be beyond the stars or looking deep into himself. Neah looked at him and raised his brow, saying nothing._ "It seems it will be destroyed, though. Some lord wants to build a house there…"

_His body was turned sideways and his head leaned on his palm. The long hair was tied in a low ponytail, strands falling over his shoulders and the moonlight danced in his eyes when they went to the other two. His long finger touched one of the flowers._

_"_ Taken from their place of origin, they survive in a completely different soil…" _Neah whispered, lost in thought. His features were soft, his smile almost identical to his brother's._

_"_ Do you think it will come the day when we will think we have seen everything the world has to offer?"

_Both, she and Neah knew this wasn't just about the flowers or how easy it was for them to travel anywhere they wanted. They had a fairly good idea of where this would lead them and accepted the path to a topic that was as known and comfortable as talking about their favorite books. Neah laughed to his brother in a friendly way, a spark in his eyes that made him look mischievous._

_"_ Such a curious question, wouldn't you say so, brother? Do you mean it literally or in a more philosophical way?" _He started to turn the pen faster, looking from Mana to Raziah and assuming an air of contemplation._

_"_ You mean in the "you can't step in the same river twice" sense?"

"Not really… More like in how many things liked before or considered fun now taste of displeasure. A certain disappointment when you remember all the effort to achieve it and the feeling of doing so, now lost."

_He leaned forwards, looking from one to another with half-closed eyes, elbows on the table, fingers intertwined before his mouth as he spoke in a (clearly) deliberately soft tone that could be taken as teasing._

_"_ And all is reduced to ashes in your mouth, values becoming empty. Isn't it frustrating when it happens? What else will end in the same way, unable to resist the test of time?" _Despite the gleam in his eye and his way of saying this, almost poetically dramatic, Raziah and Mana still exchanged looks, very aware of what Neah truly meant. It wasn't in the sense of a toy or a necklace still kept due to the sentimental value that connects it to a special moment of the past or nostalgia despite being useless in the present. It was the exact opposite._

_And it was also not about toys or necklaces, either._

_There were reasons why they sometimes wondered about this particular question._

_"_ However… I doubt it." _He said after a pause, then relaxing in the chair and smiling once more as if all his words of now had been just for fun, having no deep meaning whatsoever. He winked, waving his hand in the air. "_ Even if it comes the day when we will be foolish enough to have a thought like that. And thank goodness, otherwise, the world would be far too dull. _Predictable_. Booo-ring."

_The idea of this sort of boredom was clearly unpleasant to him, but it was hard to determine if the cause was disappointment that something/someone could reach this point or the death of mystery and value he had mentioned. And by the shine in his brother's eyes, the way they exchanged looks, it was an emotion shared._

_They were twins and those moments of silent communication almost made the air crack._

"May we never think like this, then." _Mana replied with simplicity and a smile. While Neah's had more excitement, of someone with more energy than what the body could contain, Mana's was softer, of one who had seen the birth of stars._

_Mana crossed his hands behind his head. Despite not being identical twins, some gestures and mannerisms made up for it, so equal they were to both of them._

_"_ Well, even the stars can be different if you're in the mountain or in the forest. How will you know the ocean, if you never follow the river to see where it goes? Why close your eyes if you can open them?"

_Neah didn't even blink to this, rather nodding in a solemn way. Not dramatic, but one could see it had a light joking nature to it, just like when he had been teasing them. Raziah held a chuckle._

_"_ Oh, my. You definitely have a romantic soul, dear brother of mine!"

_The stare Mana gave him stated without words that Neah had no morals to make such a comment, especially after the questions he had made just now. Neah, in his turn, raised his hands in a signal of surrender as the three chuckled._

_Then Mana turned to her, obviously waiting for her opinion. Raziah sustained his gaze and leaned her chin in the back of her hand, in a way that could be thoughtful or indicating the subject had become wearing. Mana leaned forwards in silent incentive, as Neah also watched her with raised eyebrows. None of them would believe the second option, no more than she did when they pretended something of this sort._

_"_ It is because things may lose their value that we try to preserve the ones that are important, perhaps… The things that resist the test of time are the ones that truly matter…" _She commented in reply to Neah's words as her eyes wandered around the silent garden, the moonlight hiding between the flowers and playing with their colors. Oh, how this subject had insinuated itself in their conversations as of late. "_ See us, we talk of exploring, but I don't believe _you_ mean just the world in a simple sense of going from one point to another."

_She still remained quiet for a couple of seconds before looking from one twin to the other and shrugging one of her shoulders._

_"_ And even if we could see the whole world, who says this is the same thing as _knowing_ it?"

_Mana blinked and backed his head a little as he nodded and Neah chuckled to himself, hiding his face in one hand, as if not expecting such an answer even if they had talked about it before many times, dissecting the other possible answers and options to questions of such nature._

_"_ Oh, now Raziah's showing a philosophical vein! Who would guess?"

_She casted him a look almost of sarcasm, to which he still smiled without a care, winking. Then the girl indicated Mana with a gesture of head._

_"_ Well, Mana asked…"

_The long-haired man smiled sheepishly with guilt. A thought crossed his mind, making his eyes darken._

_"_ I think about it…" _He muttered, the words escaping and, realizing this, he added. "_ You know…"

_They did._

"Hey…" _Raziah called to him gently, as Neah held his shoulder, squeezing it, his brother's expression reflecting on his own. "_ It's going to be alright. Someday, all of this will come to an end."

"Raziah is right. And then we will leave it all behind." _It seemed to work to cheer him up a little._

_"_ I imagine how it will be. We could just go and travel… I mean, catch a train and go forward!" _He went on, his eyes searching the stars once more. Raziah tilted her head to the side. Neah also blinked at his brother's words. Mana's desire to travel was not a secret and neither of them quite disagreed with it, either._

_"_ Why not use the Ark?" _Both asked in unison._

_"_ Oh, please. Have some imagination the both of you! Arriving is good, of course, but the _fun_ lies in the journey!" _Mana lifted a finger, sounding as a teacher explaining details of an amusing subject. Raziah was pleased to see some cheerfulness returning to him and couldn't help but to smile. "_ The Ark is great when it comes to missions and when we can't afford losing time, but we're talking of traveling _just_ for traveling… And then, it would be boring. The fun would be lost, no excitement in arriving and…"

_Neah and Raziah exchanged glances._

_"_ Alright, alright, poet… We don't need a seminar here." _Neah interrupted with a playful punch in his brother's shoulder to silence him. Mana faked a groan and a hurtful look. "_ But one day we'll do it. The three of us."

_He stayed quiet for a second then scribbled something in the paper, just a scrawl that had no meaning to Raziah. Only Neah would, later, be able to decipher it. His eyes went to the girl, back to his brother and then he shrugged. Another of those gestures that emphasized the kinship between them._

"After all, I, of course" _He added slyly_. "Would _have_ to tag along. Otherwise, you two would probably get lost or worse and then what would happen?"

_Mana opened his mouth and Raziah merely looked at him._

_"_ Neah, your trust in us runs so deep that it brings tears to my eyes."

"You see what my brother truly thinks of us!" _Mana whispered to her before straightening his ponytail over one of the shoulders, a waterfall of pure black, sighing. "_ I would like it, even if we had to go by foot."

_The words made his brother look at him and backing his head a little, as if the shock had been physical and he waved his hand slowly in a sign of calming down._

_"_ Woah, I think you're taking your dream somewhat a little too far, traveler!"

"I just said that, if it's up to me, it would be fun even if we did all by walking, that's all." _It was hard to tell if he meant it in a figure of speech or literally._

_"_ Have fun and don't forget to write, wanderer." _Raziah replied, raising her hand with the elbow still in the table in a gesture of bored goodbye. Mana looked from one to another, crossing his arms._

_"_ Didn't you both just say that we would go the three of us?"

_"_ But not _by foot, Walker_!" _It was Neah's reply almost as if speaking to a little child. It was too much for them and the sound of chuckles broke the air along with a sensation of gentle peace that accompanies moments with friends… That was one of the moments that remain crystallized when recalled, as if somewhere, that single occurrence remains eternal, with them still sitting there under the moonlight, laughing softly as they weaved plans for a future…_

_Neah laughed silently still, reading the paper once more and then shook his head to himself._

_"_ Well… This here is not working." _And crushed the sheet in his strong hands with a sigh. "_ The melody is good, but the lyrics…"

_Mana turned to his brother._

_"_ Perhaps we could…"

_Something cut the air and Mana's words, attracting their attention. Somewhat far from the white table, following a path between the grass until a pale arch, there was a man standing._

_"_ The Earl is calling."

"Dinner! Great!" _Neah let the paper fall in his coat's pocket as Mana stood with a feline-like movement. It often struck others that he was able to perform any gesture, as simple as it was, with a dancer-like grace if he desired._

_"_ And it took only this to make him forget the music, you saw it." _He winked to Raziah as Neah held his head high with the noble air of who will not lower himself to dignify such comment with an answer._

_The man who had called, brown hair falling over golden eyes and between the strands, black cross-shaped scars across his forehead, had his arms crossed over his chest as if contemplating a lost case._

_"_ You should pay attention the time." _There was here the same quality of a parent remembering the child of homework to be done and nothing to be found in his eyes but care._ "It's enough with Lustol, locked as always."

"Have you tried knocking?" _Mana suggested innocently enough, as the other Noah scoffed at the idea._

_"_ We're talking about Lustol. So no, thank you very much."

_Raziah lifted her hand in a gesture of both dismiss and parting before taking the right side of the hallway, which was enough to be understood that she would try and the brown-haired Noah said something out loud that had the quality of thanks._

_Feet moving quickly, she had no need to pay attention while crossing the white hallways with arch-like windows that showed the garden, before going into the building, passing by walls and doors, paying no attention to the eventual paintings or vases, going upstairs and crossing a hallway, until coming to a halt in front of a dark door._

_Her knock was gentle. The whole Clan knew better than to bother the Noah of Lust, especially by entering that particular room without knocking, no matter what the situation was._

_Seconds of silence passed by._

_"_ Come in."

_The girl opened the door ajar and spied inside. Here and there in a large room there were long tables, organized with jars and glasses and some equipments that, by the looks, were designed to mix substances and measurement of diverse elements. The Noah was working in the table opposite to the door, his back to Raziah that didn't need to come closer to know he was deeply concentrated in whatever he was doing._

_With care, Raziah entered, closing the door behind and approached. Some jars in the tables around kept things of different appearances and textures, preserved safe from time's effects by the liquid they were immersed in. Many, by what one could see, had once belonged inside a living body._

_On the left side, joined to the wall, there was a tall shelf with many books behind the closed glass doors. And she knew the small cupboard close to the wall extreme to the door, as well as the ones under the tables, had either more books or more ingredients and instruments, some the sort that humans wouldn't be able to fathom the existence or meaning._

_"_ The Earl is calling. Dinner time." _She said, limiting herself to watch as the man counted some drops to a small pre-heated tube. Lustol didn't even look at her, his blue eyes not blinking, the sleek ponytail a snake against his back._

_Raziah said nothing, aware that he had heard her well and was merely too concentrated to give an immediate reply. Besides, she had soon learned that if she just kept quiet, Lustol would be more leaning to explain what he was doing than when questioned in excess._

_On another hand, she almost never understood the nature of his experiments and Lustol's scientific terms._

_The substance in the tube started to bubble a little and seemed that tiny fragments of dust came into being and sunk, accumulating little by little in the end of the recipient. It should have some meaning of sorts as the man make an annotation in his notebook before closing the tube and leaving it in a support with others, all having small labels._

_"_ Evening, Nish. _" He greeted her, the thin face opening in a controlled smile that still had remains of his usual seriousness and Raz replied with a nod. Lustol hung his white coat before they left his lab together._

_"_ Have the others been called already?" _He asked firmly as he closed the door, waited for a second as if hesitating and locked it with a small silver key in a chain he placed around his neck then._

"I think so. _" A quick look from him to the door. I was enough for Lustol to guess the question that had crossed her mind, perceptive being that he was._

_"_ It is going well." _He told her, even if she didn't quite understand his experiments. "_ Some results present variations, based in different elements to test the reactions, but it doesn't represent any complication. Were you in the gardens?" _He asked with his deep voice that, had this been an intimate situation, would be taken easily as hypnotic. The girl nodded in response as they continued their way downstairs._

_"_ With Mana and Neah."

_Lustol nodded and commented something more when they arrived at a large room of which center was taken by a long table covered in a white sheet and lighted by silver candlesticks._

_"_ Ah, Lustol! Raziah!" _The man sitting at the table's head, his rightful place, greeted them cheerfully with a glint in his glasses that reflected the light and usually hid his golden eyes, just like his mask hid his face._

_"_ My apologies for my lateness." _Lustol bowed and Raziah lowered her head in the same way, not in a show of submission, but mere respect and greeting. The gestures, as well as Lustol's apologies and his everlasting formality, were dismissed by a wave of the Earl's hand._

"Oh, nonsense, nonsense. We all just got here."

_Both took their usual places, Lustol at the side of a woman whose white hair fell over her shoulders in waves imitating silver with the light of the candles. She smiled at both of them._

_Raziah sat between Mana and one of the empty chairs. Not everyone was present this night. The meal went on calmly with some conversation between them, until the end when they stood and the Earl called._

_"_ Alyera, Raziah, a second if you please, dears?"

_Raziah approached at once, along with the white-haired Noah._

_"_ I have a mission for you, girls." _He smiled at them as he picked a small paper from an inner pocket of his coat. "_ I know it is last minute, but I just received some quiiite interesting information. _"_

_He offered the note to them. Alyera held it and unfolded, she and Raziah reading the elegant writing of the patriarch._

"You know what to do." _No change in the gentleness of his tone, yet a trait of coldness was noticeable. Neither of the girls was at all bothered by such, they knew it wasn't directed at any of them. "_ I would go _personally_ , but I promised to visit Katerina."

_Raziah nodded with an "hm-hum" of acceptance._

_"_ You can leave it to us, Earl!" _Alyera promised, her face opening in a bright smile._

_"_ Thank you, dears. Come back as soon as you're done" _He winked. "_ And have fun."

_Both took their leaving, saying goodbye to the patriarch and the others, not taking any of the three doors, but rather going to the other extreme of the room where the air was ripped apart in a rectangle of light that took them to the white streets of the Ark._

_"_ I hope we manage to come back soon." _Alyera was saying as she studied the paper she held. Raziah tilted her head to her._

_"_ Going out with Lustol?"

_Even with the gray skin, it was possible to notice an intense blush coming to Alyera's face as she confirmed it, even though it wasn't a secret to anyone that she and Lustol were a couple. Still, the Noah of Judgment could get shy when someone mentioned their relationship._

"You're lucky the twins are not here." _They would probably have said something when Alyera and Raziah were leaving or even during the dinner. Whatever comment they might have made, despite the teasing nature, would not have a malicious nature. It was their way of being affectionate, no different from small kittens provoking each other in play fight, one might say._

_"_ Oh, they wouldn't dare to say a thing…" _The reply was laced with dangerous sweetness both in the tone and eyes, which were golden magma. "_ Let's just say that Lustol had… A little talk with them."

_This caused chuckles in both of them. This meant that somehow Lustol had stopped them from escaping and probably suggested using their "help" to test some of his formulas, merely to "compare" results. And they were lucky that Alyera was still far from losing her patience with their jokes._

_"_ That would explain why they haven't said anything about it since last week." _Raziah frowned, considering how they had liked to tease the couple. "_ And also, perhaps why Lustol locked the lab."

_There was no true_ need _of doing so, not only because it would take a fool to venture there but also because among them there was respect for each other's privacy… Even the Earl wouldn't just enter their rooms (or any other chamber that belonged_ exclusively _to one of them) when he merely wanted to._

_"_ I don't think the twins would _dare_ to prank Lustol… At least not by messing with his ingredients and stuff." _Alyera hesitated before sighing as her hand ran through her wavy hair. "_ Or maybe they would… Honestly, I _can't_ ever tell what they are thinking!"

_Raziah could only make a gesture of agreement, also meaning that it was no use asking_ her, _since she too would have no answers to offer regarding this particular question._

_They stopped before a door of the Ark that waited to be connected to a location. It wasn't needed more than a second for a reaction to occur and the door opened in the same light of always, leading them to a great field. The grass was dark, the moonlight making only an ephemeral sheet over it._

_A mansion stood in front of them._

_They saved a moment to examine the construction, which would work well as inspiration for a sugary romance novel, the archetype that can easily be associated with the home of an elegant lord. It was pristine in the cleaning and the grass around, something made to be gazed at and to make a silent point. The light crossing the windows conferred the glass a liquid-like characteristic and the Noah girls could notice people should be either in the second floor or in the living room._

_The steps reaching to the door were of a light gray, though they had been scrubbed almost until making them a forceful shade of white, or as close to it as it could be. Not paying any attention to it or any unnecessary details, Alyera knocked._

_"_ Yes, may I ask…" _The man in the black suit that answered had a face marked by the passage of time and yet stood tall. Alyera didn't let him finish and pushed him aside with the exact limit between delicacy and abruptness._

_"_ Excuse me." _She muttered without meaning it, followed by Raziah as they went to the hall, which had been clearly designed to hold parties, neither of them casting a glance to her surroundings. They were unimportant._

_Some of the people sitting near the fireplace took no notice of them at once, but some turned, either feeling their approach as people sometimes do or any other way._

_"_ What is that!" _The yell was from a man standing from a red chair, his tone denouncing that this reaction was more directed at the invasion than at noticing that the new arrivals had a gray skin and the golden eyes of an animal. Alyera had no care to show to him and merely sighed, turning to Raziah. The shy enamored woman was not in that room._

_"_ I'll take care of upstairs, yes?" _Her face was a mask that kept at bay any emotion, only her voice working as a crack that allowed her spite to run free. Raziah nodded, as there wasn't much of a difference in the end._

_"_ I demand that you leave immediately! You're trespassing a private property! Do you have idea of what…" _The man carried on as a muttering ran among the others. Alyera took a second to measure the man up and down before making a point of ignoring him even as he called out to the old butler (to get rid of them or to get the police or any other ridiculous thing) and made her way to the great stairs at the end of the hall._

_A young man came with the obvious intention of grabbing her arm, but something made him fall. No one would have been able to notice the dark shadows slithering around his feet as rats, not with their attentions on the females that were not human, as much as they looked so._

_Alyera didn't grace the boy with any acknowledgment._

_"_ Who do you think you are? How _dare_ you to invade my home like this!" _Now it was a woman with a lilac dress that yelled with indignation, eyes going from Alyera to Raziah and despite having noticed their appearance, this was ignored in favor of the insult their uninvited presence was. "_ Leave immediately! If you want to steal something, you're making a grave mistake!"

_A glance was enough to_ know _her: Head held high, eyes that had never shown anything real unless it was spite, a voice born for disdain. Around, fear was starting to create root in the mutterings that had started in anger and offense._

_Raziah would have sighed. She had dared to have some hope, but this? This wouldn't be able to invoke even a vague interest._

_"_ We are not here to steal anything." _The inhumanity of her voice reached for their nerves and suffocated other sounds. "_ We're here by orders of the Millennium Earl."

_Some sort of comprehension perhaps touched some of the presents, but not all of them. The young man that had fallen was still in the floor, rubbing his head with an all-too-easy to read expression of surprise. Someone said something. Raziah didn't bother herself with interpreting the sound or tone, so irrelevant it was. Those humans were quickly irritating her in nerve levels._

_Then, without a moment of preparation or warning, darkness dominated the place._

_Her shadow gave birth to others that united themselves at once to those created by people and furniture. They spread through the walls, covering windows and blocking doors, creating solid veils._

_Behind her the butler and some other person who had been approached (a maid, perhaps) screamed and tried to leave, the instinct for survival overpowering whatever other intention as their senses were quicker to react to it by what it was… And what was promised in that darkness._

_More people tried to run to the main door or to find another way out, away from that grey creature, some running straight to the shadows and surprised to feel the resistant texture, a living stain of oil._

_"_ If it's money, we can pay more than whoever sent you!" _The man of the red chair said quickly, holding his head high, even if his lip shivered. "_ We can give you whatever you want!"

_She could have admired him for the attempt of keeping composure, before the unknown, if it wasn't for what lurked underneath. As if, scared as he was, he still felt safe in his money. Her boredom was merely pushed more to the line of annoyance._

_The substance her darkness turned into ran over his flesh in exploration, invading his mouth. A waterfall of blood came with a gurgling sound when barbs pierced flesh and teeth._

_The lilac-dressed woman screeched. Her hands went to cover her mouth as she stepped back, lost in growing hysteria. Some other voice screamed about waking up, still believing this to be a dream in spite of the smell of blood. The sound of people trying to hit the place the windows should be or the doors, even the walls, and everything was black, black and black…_

_A man let a sound of rage and threw himself against Raziah…_

_She turned in a single moment. A movement of cut of her arm that exhaled shadows. He backed off, but the shadows were already in him, pushing his flesh apart more and more. He had barely any breath for screams, trying to hit his wound, not to stop the blood that was freed, but to get rid of that black oil. Movements of a madman aflame._

_Panic all around now, increased by the light of the fireplace. Shadows danced and played as demons, satisfied with the entertainment offered._

_They couldn't run. The golden cage had become made of darkness, blood and bones._

_Someone else attacked from behind._

_Raziah turned._

_Golden eyes crossed hazels before the fire-born shadows in the side of the face became pitch black, covering eyes, spreading to the body. The candlestick slipped through fingers, hitting the floor._

_Flesh resisted the touch of darkness, but movement was easily held back until she wished for a twist. When shadows faded as mist, what they left in the floor did no longer had a human shape._

_A girl screamed when looking at her and seeing the thing at her feet, something that was an obscene joke with the idea of a body meant to live. Her sounds were out of cadence with the other screams, in Raziah's ears. That voice was too used to laugher to know how to express fear properly._

_It was a passing notion to Raziah. She hadn't much care for the impressions she had and allowed the girl to try running, tripping along the way, to where should be an arch leading to another room or hallway. But she cried and couldn't go forward nor find another way, afraid of the shadows, afraid of the dark._

_"_ Please… Whatever you want, we pay…"

_Oh, there was a man at her feet now, dragging himself to her, probably hurt in the stampede and fight for finding a way out. He grasped the end of her blouse's tail. White mustached shivered as he tried to speak as he rose to his knees, a line of saliva escaping his mouth as he tried to smile._

_"_ I understand… I can pay anything." _His smile was all one needed to see to know sanity had been shattered. But what he just said made Raziah frown._

_No._

_He did not understand her, nor_ could _he._

_He was too much of a man to understand a woman._

_Too much of a human to understand a Noah._

_She dismissed him a smile and crouched down, touching his face and covered his eyes gently, almost the touch of a lover…_

_Blood gushed to her face and warmed her clothes when shadows jumped from her own blood to his flesh. Grey eyes found a tunnel to nest near the broken brain, teeth hit each other and shattered as the guns were tore apart to exhibit the naked nerves._

_The corpse fell at her feel, a hole in place of the face, pieces of the cranium visible, arteries freeing blood and the flesh spreading in the floor. A line of white liquid denounced the spot where the eyes had been pierced and pushed._

_People ran. People cried. A man grabbed the hair of a girl, clearly his sister and threw her behind with violence, then hitting the windows yelling, as if there was hope in someone passing by and becoming a saving grace. A woman stepped on the lilac-dressed one when trying to run somewhere. A girl hit others as she tried to open way…_

_It was always like this…_

_Among the black hell, Raziah still stood._

_Blood and darkness danced. Bones sung. Flesh opened to reveal secrets and the resistance of the body was experimented._

_She touched them._

_Darkness touched them._

_And then, at some point, there was silence of voices._

_"_ Oh, Raziah!" _Alyera sighed. From the exposed hallway upstairs, she observed the whole hall. When she came to the stairs, shadows evaporated as if they had never existed._

_"_ Look at this mess!" _The other Noah commented, without really caring as her eyes drank the vision around with pleasure. Humanity's ideas of hell, the nightmares born of the greatest fears were mere dreams when next to this single room… Walls were painted with blood and there were strange things stuck to them. At regular intervals, there was a drip-drip sound from the furniture or some mass of flesh…_

_Lymphatic liquid and bile mixed to the blood._

_Alyera pushed with her feet something that had hours ago been part of a human being as she walked to Raziah._

_Many of the things around could not be considered human corpses at first glance with the mutilation suffered. Others were in such state that it was impossible to imagine that they had been alive at all someday. Nature simply wouldn't have allowed even the formation of something like that to go beyond from first weeks in some unfortunate womb._

_And yet, there they were. Nerves exposed, bones twisted, all aspects of flesh toyed with._

_"_ Quite boring." _It was the response. "_ I tried to have fun somehow."

"I can't criticize you…" _Alyera sighed shaking her head and hands on her hips, like a mother or sister. Then the face of the Noah of Judgment tore itself apart in a smile that shouldn't be possible in anything that resembled human form. "_ Not after what I did upstairs…"

Suddenly, light.

The naked walls, the hardness on her back whose nerves complained a bit, still holding the pain of battle and body was still marked by extensive use of strength.

Raz blinked, trying to push away for a moment the images of her eyes so she could think, expulse the screams of her ears, but now this memory had been rescued from her shattered interior, it was burned in her mind.

Lustol… Alyera…

The smell of blood…

The Earl…

The sensation as she mutilated those people…

Neah… Mana…

Her lungs hurt with the fast breathing and she shrunk, hugging her legs as if wishing her flesh to mix together until she was no more than an amount too small to have thoughts or sensations.

Broken images and sounds still tormented her senses. Mana and Neah's laugh, the gentleness in Alyera's eyes, Lustol busy with his chemistry experiments…

Nish…

Lustol had called her Nish, but… No, wait, that was right. Some of them would forsake their human name upon accepting their positions in the Clan. Joyd was the name of the Noah of Pleasure just like Lustol was the name of the memory of the Noah of Lust… And he had always called her by the Noah name, Nish. Raz had never seen reason to protest it… Or at least that was the impression that remained.

Alyera, yes, she had asked to be still called by her human name…

Dead…

All of them… Dead…

Neah had killed them.

Neah had tried to kill her as well…

Her senses exploded in agony. Each nerve wanted to scream. Pain was not only in her heart, it went to the eyes, the mind, to any other point of her body that was able to _feel_ and pierced anything that it found…

" _Neah… Neah…"_ Her mind whimpered, as if it was the only thought that survived this moment. Why had he done it? Alyera… Lustol… That Noah of brown hair ( _what was his name? She couldn't remember!)._

Instinct tried to keep other details in focus and to cradle in them. Even then she had been somewhat reserved, becoming more expressive of her own feelings when with Neah and Mana, or so it seemed… They were her _friends…._ Mana _always_ spoke of traveling and this was how they had started to call him Walker…

Most of the Noah enjoyed music… At least Lustol and Alyera did, this she knew _somehow…_ And Neah and Mana were exceptionally talented in this field, they had taught her… Though she couldn't remember any sort of classes, the knowledge survived in her…

Some things remained in the mist… The faces of some of the other Noahs that had been at the dinner, what had been said… In the way to the dinner room, she couldn't remember at all if Lustol had said more to her than what she recalled, though this was the impression.

And the dinner… Mana and Neah always took their seats at the left of the Earl, whose position at the head of the table was not only due to being the leader of the Clan, but because it made it easier to observe the rest of the family, with the intention to know if they were all well served and comfortable.

Lustol smiling. Alyera blushing while speaking of her relationship. Neah and Mana laughing with her as they promised to travel together someday…

How had everything ended up like that? Why?

Tears came to her eyes and cut her face.

They didn't soothe despair, only increased it.

Their tasted mixed with the taste of the people she had killed.

The vision of those corpses danced. The screams came back to her mind along with the intense pleasure she had felt and that was beyond something she had ever imagined to be possible.

Raz made herself smaller in the dead womb of that room, hiding her face still more in her knees. Her being was shaken under the skin and a deep self loathing held her nerves. She was disgusted at that flesh, of the blood she carried, of everything that made her _be her…_

She would have left that body, abandoned the skin, preferring to drag herself in the floor with the nerves exposed if it was possible.

Slowly, connections of her legs weak to sustain her weight, Raz stood. She trembled for a moment as if she was about to fall, but the body managed to firm itself enough to walk and leave the grave of that room…

Her mind was still taken by visions of blood. It was her feet that led her, with the instinct of a child seeking the parents' arms.

But she had no parents.

When she seated weakly, it was when she realized that she had somehow gone to the chapel underneath the stairs. It was small and it could have been a basement until some soul living there had decided to use it as a room for particular prayers.

In the altar ahead there was a large cross, broken. The few banks around were twisted or showed cracks. The walls were dirty and even now lighter rectangles (though by no mean clean) were noticeable, denouncing how paintings had once been there.

She looked around, as if absorbing the details, just like she had when she had woken up in the woods, months ago, empty of everything…

If all her memories were like this… If she could only be filled with the pain of what she had lost and the blood of what she had done…

Her hands grabbed her shoulders and fingernails bit the flesh, as if longing to cut it. And perhaps it made sense. She had spilled blood… Perhaps she should spill her own blood in retribution.

" _Dirty blood. Murderess blood. It doesn't have any value to amend the innocent blood…"_

She looked at the broken cross, still shivering, still in pain. Still crying as if she could never stop.

The Noah Clan… Her Clan…

Dead…

And she had forgotten them…

The bodies in that mansion. The grotesque shapes. The sounds of pain.

And she had killed.

And she had _enjoyed it…_

She wanted to look at the cross, but found she was unable to. She felt obscene and disgusting. She had no right to be there, let alone praying, not with that act she carried inside.

She was a monster and a murderess and she would burn in Hell.

**XxX**

She had only wanted to isolate herself a little. Weariness pulsated in her body and in spite of what she had said, she had realized she would have liked to sit a little and rest.

But it wasn't easy to do so just in any room. Not because of any anxiety for comfort, but because there was too much to think about and business to solve with herself regarding the whole situation as well as what to do next. Now that Lavi and Bookman were safe, she could reflect more about everything she had heard about how Allen had had to leave the Order and what had transpired since then.

Miranda refused to just accept the situation and do nothing about it. She had no idea of how to help being in the Order, but certainly there should be a way.

So she had decided to go to the chapel. Praying always filled her with calmness and she believed she really should thank God that they had managed to save Lavi and Bookman considering the odds they had been against… Of course she could pray in some other room, but she wanted to isolate herself a little and perhaps the location helped, she didn't know. She had just felt the need and acted accordingly.

When she was at the door at the end of the small stairs was that she realized there was someone there already and, spying inside, she caught the black-bluish hair and white clothes.

And she knew it was the Noah girl.

* * *

 

**Ana: And finally, Raz actually remembered _something!_  
**

**Allen: You couldn't have made her remember something a little _happier,_ right?**

**Ana: What? She is a Noah, you didn't think she had never killed innocent people?**

**Allen: No, but...**

**Ana: So there.**

**Wisely: It could have been worse. Plus, they were just humans! Who cares?**

**Allen: That doesn't help at all!**

**Neah: Oh, I remember that night.**

**Allen: And you stay out of this!**

 


	27. Act Twenty-Seven – How Do Wars End?

_""Come now, let us settle the matter", says the Lord. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool" –_ Isaiah 1:18 _._

It was rare for something of this sort to happen. No that they had never known defeat or disappointments (the case of the Ark being stolen was quite a good example), yet this went beyond what could ever be expected.

It was not the first time their foes had attempted to invade a place they were using as base either. Years ago, a group of the Order had invaded a mansion of theirs and though some had escaped with scraps of knowledge they shouldn't have, most of the Exorcists in question had been exterminated.

This had been before they had a new Ark.

"Let me see if I got it right…" Devit muttered between teeth in a tone that didn't allow no one to be sure if he was coldly mocking or at the limit of his self-control. "They just came here, just fought and _just took the old geezer and the redheaded?"_

Tyki's mouth twisted with a bitter taste as under his skin, a tremble of anger ran through, not due to the words but by the events.

"I wouldn't say " _just"_ like that." Was the grumbled reply. None of them could say that they had been expecting such thing. They had never even considered that Walker (for it could be only him) would be able to discover a way to manipulate the Ark in order to form a connection between them.

" _The fucking thing is_ how _he went and did that without that wretched Order finding out."_ He thought to himself. It had been a wretched risk to the boy and until where they could say, he had done all this without awakening any suspicions in that place.

"There were some members of the Order at his side." Lulubell said, her head still held high and never breaking eye contact, was it with Devit or any of the others as she refused to reveal her feelings on the subject. The Earl, yes, he was able to see the absolute hate burning her inside along with the shame for failing at holding the group until the others could leave their present activities to help. He had been on a reunion himself, with some of the humans he manipulated in society and just hadn't been able to get away in time.

"Deserters?"

"It didn't appear to be quite the case." Sheryl replied. Though, like Lulubell, he kept his control, it was easier to take notice of his actual state through his eyes, the hate and despise for the Accommodators that had dared to step in their Ark. "Friends of Walker that are still on his side, or some nonsense of this nature…"

Such details were of no real matter for him. The fact remained that a bunch of Innocence Users had managed to get into what should be the absolute _sanctuary_ of the Noah and took with them the sources they had of some direct info regarding certain matters.

In one of the sides of Sheryl's face there was a white gauze, following the cut made by the Innocence's arrow of one of the Exiled. Just the memory of the wretched woman created a cold fire in his veins as he closed his fists.

The Earl frowned. Like the others, he hadn't expected the events to turn out like that. Of course Walker would try _something_ , they knew him well enough to affirm he would never limit himself to sit down doing nothing upon learning people (even more if he knew them) were under the power of his enemies… At the same time, that manipulation of their previous Ark had been a move none had judged possible.

" _He truly is Mana's son..."_ Even now the Earl wondered how he hadn't made the connection _right away_ , how he had allowed it to slip by him that Allen's adoptive father had been Neah's brother… The thought still caused sensations he couldn't deal with at the moment, so he pushed them away.

As if that wasn't enough, the redhaired and Bookman had been with their Innocences, as part of a bargain they were currently attempting at with the old man, who insisted he wouldn't say anything even if they killed his apprentice should they take (or destroy) their Innocences and since nor him nor the brat had strength to even lift a finger, they had let it be. Sometimes, a small gesture of false gentleness with prisoners could slowly give shape to an equally false link that could later work in their favor in their search for information… Bookman had even told some details for this, but not what the Noah truly wanted to know. And that game of psychological turns had ended abruptly and the result had been a complete loss.

For now.

"Fiidora…" The Earl called gently. A smile ripped the Noah's face apart as the tip of his tongue touched his lips and one of the small eyes in the flesh blinked.

"I think the worms we left inside the boy must be quite hungry by now, don't you?"

**XxX**

Raz was cold.

This sensation came not from the environment, but from inside. The memory she had recovered joined the more recent ones, slowly going back until reaching that night when she had woken up in the woods. They mixed into a hurricane of sounds and images. Blood mixed with flowers, laughter with screams…

After Allen had told her about the Noah Clan, she _had_ notion that she could have killed people too, but it was one thing to have this idea and another, quite different, was to have such a vivid memory of the fact…

She didn't want any of the others to see her now.

What if they were able to notice the remembrance in her eyes and the way she had killed those people?

She felt dirty.

She was disgusting.

Raz recalled her first days, those days that felt like the beginning of life even if she _knew_ they were not… Back then, she knew only an intense emptiness of someone who is a fresh prisoner inside a corpse. Afterwards, when her organism had woken more to the world and started to work bit by bit, came the sensations that were still too weak to fill that void. Some lacked the strength to truly _be_ anything, mere seeds that hadn't grown enough so one could identify what sort of plant they were.

Confused, at times taken by frustration (so vague it was just a shadow) in relation to the things she was _aware_ she _should_ know and yet didn't, at times feeling small when the night came and her mind could not conjure dreams or nightmares and had just fragile thoughts that couldn't distract her… A feeling of longing that never ceased, a wound refusing to close, all the time and she didn't know the cause or what she missed.

She saw the world moving around and working while she just floated. All that was a chain around her and she was not a baby, but an older person with formed mind.

It was painful.

It was lonely.

And it would have been worse, if it wasn't for Allen.

Allen hadn't come with weapons, exposing his Innocence directly or trying to manipulate her with honeyed lies, as Raz later understood he _could_ have done. That some _would have done._ He had told her nothing but the truth and while it had taken him time to tell everything, she had immediately known it was because it was hard for him as well, not because he had tried to deceive her.

He hadn't come with weapons or lies, but sincerity and an extended hand… Even aware of what her species was able to.

Even after certain time, after seeing another Noah for the first time, something in her had recognized the ridiculousness of the scenario: Someone connected to Innocence extending a hand in what he had to a Noah?

But it hadn't been only him. Alison, Lauren, Samuel… They had been hurt in that war against her kind and yet, upon learning what she truly was, they had accepted it and not changed at all their treatment.

The wound in her remained, but it hurt less in their company.

Raz _loved_ them.

If they knew what she had done… If they caught up the scent of blood in her…

Although they knew Noah killed humans, it was different. It was not the same when it became a tangible fact that she was no different than the rest of the Clan.

The line of thought reached the Exorcists.

Raz was unsure if she liked those people and had picked up that some seemed to be afraid of her.

Johnny had feared her at first, but Raz had placed a blade on Kanda's throat and made it clear how she would kill them should something happen to Allen, so it was a justifiable reaction of someone who had no Innocence to defend himself, nor any weapon of any sort. Kanda, following what Allen had told her, was a controlled person and never seemed to like anyone, so his cold reaction hadn't bothered her at all. Quite on contrary, after Allen convinced her there was no reason to distrust, Raz had been quite satisfied to see the man had just treated her like he treated anyone else.

To know he had killed a Noah, though… There were moments when it was hard to keep the control when near him, even if she hadn't ever met Skin Bolic. The knowledge crossed her mind and worked on her soul. Raz reacted by doing what she had done at first: Kept the control as she could to get used to his presence, ignoring when her instinct cried out.

Those others were not like that… She saw when they avoided looking at her and some spied her with the corner of the eyes as though she was a dangerous animal that Allen, in some miraculous way, had tamed.

Yet Allen still liked those people, so Raz wanted, if not like them, at least to not be hostile.

Upon learning more about that war, she had comprehended how much it meant that Allen had not killed her or taken her to the Order. Amnesiac she was, but not stupid and hearing about the Order had burnt an ancient hate in her and the justifications the boy had given for their behavior only worsened the flame.

Because it wasn't right. It was not right that his "family" treated him like that for something out of his control and it was not right that Allen should cry and be sad when he had no guilt.

Allen was good.

He was good because he didn't care whether she was Noah or not. He never treated her as a dangerous creature, but actually _talked_ to her, patiently explaining things and didn't get annoyed when she demonstrated to not understand something that, after explained, seemed so obvious.

Allen was good.

And she wanted to be good, too.

But how could she ever be good, when she carried such acts inside?

"Excuse me?" A low voice called to her, bringing her back with a shock to reality and Raz lifted her head. Near the old bench where she was seated, was that Exorcist woman, the one with brown hair who had tried to hide a shiver when seeing Raz for the first time.

Raz did not move, nor did she say anything. She didn't want anyone near her, let alone one of those people.

Miranda hesitated before the silence. Even with no emotions exhibited, the girl didn't seem to wish for company, yet Miranda couldn't ignore how she held her shoulders, the nails of blackness pressing the flesh as if longing to touch the blood.

"Are you alright?" It was a quite idiotic question and the woman was aware of it. The golden gaze of the Noah was animal-like and there was something there that warned clearly how she would bite should one come too close.

Miranda once more remembered her first contact with that sort of being and the nerves in her hands shivered. Road laughing… Her hands pierced by a sharp candle, her own blood the only warmth that there was while she watched the girl brush Lenalee's hair, the dread at seeing how she didn't react or even seemed to listen as Road treated her like a new toy…

Then Allen coming to his senses. His scream not loud enough to overcome the sound of a candle making its way through his eye, piercing it, playing with the intraocular fluid that mixed with blood…

Miranda remembered that as much as she remembered the resulting wound, the mash of flesh that one wouldn't be able to tell that had once been the place of an eye in a human face.

Those creatures had abilities that belonged to the realm of nightmares, they played with human's sanity and the sound of it shattering was their music. They studied deeply how to twist bodies while keeping the nerve connections alive to the point one could no longer knew anything but the taste of despair.

Miranda took a step closer.

Raz would have liked to tell her to leave, but her voice was lost deep in her body. So she made an abrupt gesture with her head indicating the door. The woman was no dumb, she should understand that.

Miranda did, but ignored it and observed the Noah's hands.

"Doesn't that hurt?" She asked and slowly lifted her own hands, touching the grey fingers so she would let go of her own flesh. The instinctive dread came to her upon the contact, of one holding a serpent. She took a deep breath.

"I mean… You're hurt already as it is…" She tried, hoping there was no shiver in her voice as she spoke the truth. Nor she nor Allen had come unharmed of the fight and all the presents knew the other Noahs had had more intentions of holding them there at the Ark than actually causing pain. Miranda chose to not think much about it, not now.

She didn't want to think about what could have happened to Allen, had the Noah Clan succeeded in this.

The Noah girl allowed her to take her hands off her own shoulders and let them on her lap as useless pieces of flesh. The nails had left deep marks.

For an instant, Miranda wanted to ask what was wrong, but didn't want to be intrusive. And though the closed behavior of the girl indicated she didn't want her there, Miranda didn't think it would be good to leave her alone. Once, when she was younger, she had accidentally overheard others commenting how they couldn't bear her slow rhythm, always making mistakes, always breaking things when she should have learned better by now. And she had stayed in a park, feeling only the hurt inside.

While she had wanted to alone then, somehow a part of her had also mourned how no one had approached her.

Perhaps the girl _truly_ preferred to be left to herself. Perhaps Miranda was being meddling. Yet, she leaned a little to the Noah.

"You're hurting, aren't you?"

She had no idea what had created those words in her voice, but it had effect: The Noah blinked and some of the sharpness abandoned her eyes for an instant, enough for Miranda to be able to see some surprise there. In what sense, she didn't know.

In silence, she sat at her side. Her heart twisted again… With a calm breath, the Exorcist tried to drown the images that threated to come to mind as she kept her eyes on the girl.

Raz turned her face away, unable to comprehend why that woman was at her side when she was so clearly afraid. She was one of those who had tried to not look at her, so what she was doing now? What did she want?

Both remained in silence for some seconds.

"You're hurting inside, aren't you?" The Exorcist's voice was so low that it could be the sound of butterfly wings. And it was just as soft.

Some more seconds in silence. And yet, those seconds were not empty.

"I… I remembered some things."

Raz almost bit her own tongue. What was she doing? What had made her say such a thing? The words had just escaped on their own before she realized it. And the cold born in her throat now spread to the rest of her body through her blood, threatening her control.

Miranda blinked. Wasn't that good? Since the girl didn't remember anything?

No.

She could see that. Whatever had been remembered, it was no good at all.

Perhaps it was the silence, so hungry for sounds it pulled them as blades could do with entrails. Perhaps it was because the woman didn't know her and she cared nothing for the judgement of a stranger. Perhaps the thing inside her was filling her so much that it overflowed…

Whatever the reason could be, more words escaped.

"I… I remembered people I killed…"

Miranda blinked. It was weird to hear such a confession… As if the fact that she was allied to Allen meant, somehow, that she was different despite everything and the fear. As if suddenly, Miranda had not truly considered what the girl could have done in the past against others…

It was ridiculous, of course. As if to expect that Noahs didn't kill humans was like expecting a panther to feed on fruits. Ice came to her, for she didn't want to keep control exclusively due to what she had learnt in the Order to the point of blocking any other idea.

No one should feel that acts of cruelty were common, never.

So, she took a moment, unsure of what to say or do and deciding to keep silent.

"I killed people before…" The girl spoke in such a way that Miranda might not be there at all.

There was absence enough in her tone to Miranda's taste and she raised her hand hesitantly (more due to not knowing if the girl wouldn't be annoyed with the touch of a stranger than fear) and reached out to her back tentatively…

Under her touch, the Noah shivered and leaned forward, hands grabbing a spot above the elbows, eyes opaque.

"I murdered people…" She repeated to herself, shaking her head. Strands of dark hair fell over the side of her face, half hiding it and she let out another strange sound. "God, I killed, he just sent me there and I went…"

No need to ask who had told her to do so. It was weird to see a Noah shivering like that for this reason, considering the war they were on and what Miranda knew the Clan had already done. She could see this hadn't been a case of legitim defense.

The Noah girl was crying.

Silent tears rolled off her golden eyes, blood of a wound with no possible cure.

Raz's nails pressed her flesh more. She didn't deserve to be with Lauren or the others, not when she had felt such a pleasure in destroying people like that… People who clearly didn't even have Innocence, no chance to even try to defend themselves…

And how many more had she killed, without a care?

"That… Well…" What someone could say at a moment like that?

The girl made herself smaller, almost getting away from Miranda.

"But… You're not like that anymore…" There was no way she could be pretending that reaction, those tears. Still confused, not sure of what she was doing and with the care of one dealing with a child, Miranda wrapped her arms around the other. And though her entire flesh tensed, Raz made no gesture to free herself.

"It _doesn't matter._ Would you say this, had it been someone you knew?" She muttered, tears still bleeding. And though there was no answer for this, though there was no denying Raz was a murderess, Miranda also couldn't ignore that the pain for what she had done was real.

" _It was_ awful. What you did." She agreed, nodding and adding in a voice that was calm despite all, surprising even herself. "But if you truly regret it…"

"What is the use of it? They're still _dead!"_ Raz's voice was equally low and she didn't look at Miranda, who nodded. Yes, those people would still be dead and nothing would ever change this. Nothing changed the blood the girl carried in her hands…

" _If thy brother repents, forgive him_ _."_

"You came here to ask forgiveness?" The Exorcist asked not thinking about what she was saying. The girl tightening her grip on herself indicated she didn't see how this could make anything better…

" _Thou shalt not kill."_

Miranda didn't know how to explain it herself. So few things can be simplified in words already…

"Look… When you _plan_ something, and go through with it despite everything…"

"It was planned. And I _enjoyed_ it…" Her mutter had barely no actual voice.

Miranda nodded. Again, taking all in consideration, in that stage of blood in which they had to dance and that was that war, what one could expect? As much as she didn't want to generalize the girl basing herself in what she knew of the Noah Clan, at the same time, Miranda didn't think one could expect anything different in this case.

"But… Could you go back in time, would you change it?"

Raz still didn't look at her as she nodded.

"If you at least regret, _truly regret,_ what you did… At least you have a chance to earn forgiveness…" It sounded strange to try to convince a murderer (let alone a Noah) about this, but Miranda truly believed in God's forgiveness. And she believed in second chances. Oh, it wasn't that it should be forgotten, should be ignored or go without punishment… Yet, if Raz was as sorry as she seemed to be…

"Then you can repent, starting now…" She tried, looking at the girl who remained there, as still as a doll until she half moved her face to her, enough that Miranda could see her gaze without any sign of hope, just listening without believing.

"Certain things don't deserve forgiveness. They _shouldn't_ be forgiven… By anyone."

Miranda understood that she wasn't just talking about being forgiven by Allen or the others, but also by God and sighed to herself, her heart going to that girl despite what she had done. Raz had asked her how it would be if she had killed someone Miranda knew…

"I have no answers for this. No one has." She insisted. "I just know that if you try to repent… There is _chance._ "

She didn't know if she would be able to forgive the murderer of someone who was precious to her. Her mind went back to Road… Would she be able to forgive her? Jesus had taught that we should forgive others and God forgive us.

Love your enemy and pray for him. It's easy to love one who love us…

" _We're humans. We're not perfect. All we can do is try…"_

For some seconds, Miranda still remained in silence merely holding the girl. Raz had told her she did not deserve forgiveness and clearly believed that, but the woman realized that she disagreed…

Slowly, the silence was broken by Miranda as she started to whisper, as a secret that should be kept between her and Raz.

_Dear Lord, I'm on my knees again_  
I come to you because you understand  
I've tried so hard, but I just can't change myself

Raz lifted her head for a moment, clearly surprised. Of everything to be expected, gentle words and a hug were not on the list. However, as before, she didn't reject the touch and didn't tell Miranda to be quiet, but remained there, unmoving.

Miranda interpreted this as a positive sign. At that moment, she was moved by the very same sensation Allen had had that night, months ago. Even with the grey skin and black stigmas on her forehead, it was not a Noah who was before her. It was not a dangerous enemy whose objective was annihilation of humanity, who took delight in causing suffering.

It was just a girl.

Just a girl, lost and sorrowful.

_That's why I know I need your help  
_ _So here I am, this in my plea  
_ _My only hope is your love for me  
_ _I'm reaching out so desperately  
_ _Come take my hand, take all of me_  
Just as I am

Miranda carried on in a low voice, thinking about that particular question while she held Raz.

Forgiveness was often spoke about. Regret as well. Using such terms, it sounded quite easy. And it was everything but.

And who could say if there was such thing as earning second chances?

Raz had killed and for her reaction, it had not been in a clean and painless way… But if she was now a different person, if she didn't want to hurt others anymore… Didn't that have some value?

Miranda recalled news about premeditated murders. She couldn't tell if it was any different from what had happened. And the victims' families would surely claim the girl's blood if they knew she was there and would call her a hypocrite if they ever saw her shedding tears.

And like the girl herself had pointed out… What was the use of regret, if it didn't bring the dead back to life?

_Oh Lord, you make what's broken new_  
Why can't I just learn to follow you  
I want, I want to know you to feel you in my soul  
I surrender all control

Acts had more value than words, this was a fact. But what about the things Raz had done since waking up? Did they lose their value in behalf of the past?

Could the Noah ever be forgiven?

The news of how Kanda had killed Skin Bolic had been received with relief by the Order, having one less enemy to worry about and Miranda now noticed that many did not use the word "kill" or "murder", but rather said that Kanda had "won".

Yet perhaps the Noah had mourned and cried just like they had mourned and cried their own fallen friends, killed in battles.

" _Where does this lead us then?"_ Her eyes closed at the question. So were they all in a cycle of blood from which they could no longer escape, that was it? A cycle of hate, without chance of forgiveness? Of a morning when they could see dew in the flowers instead of blood?

She knew well the reactions the Order would have should she ever say those things out loud. At the same time, she thought about her own nights tormented by nightmares and memories of fear, so clear that her body seemed to revive them despite her attempts to sleep…

Would _she_ forgive those creatures?

Could she?

_So here I am, this in my plea_  
My only hope is your love for me  
I'm reaching out so desperately  
Come take my hand and take all of me 

" _If thy brother repents, forgive him."_

There was no denying what the Noah did. The question of akumas was the major point, a profanation that went beyond murdering and twisting bodies, displaying them as a cruel joke to reach what should be the peace of the afterlife.

One couldn't deny the consequences and the need of punishment. Of justice.

However… When justice goes beyond the necessary? How much punishment is the "just measure"? Justice was not about bringing loved ones back or cause the same suffering as the victim had felt. Justice was about justice.

" _Love each other as I have loved you."_

She had no answers to any of this.

And didn't think there was anyone in the world who truly knew. Like in regards of so many other things, all that they could do was just try to be good.

In the end, Miranda felt just as lost.

Could they be good people, if they were in a war?

_Just I am not afraid to follow you where you lead me_  
I can leave the past behind me  
I'm forgiven and I'm free 

Raz shivered at this last verse a little. Almost as a dry leaf that could break into dust at any moment. Miranda almost caressed her, but controlled herself. The girl seemed to have gone a little beyond her own limits accepting the hug and the older one knew better than to abuse, as she didn't want to make uncomfortable. Yet, she still tried to hold her a little closer.

Miranda could never tell her things would be alright, it would be nothing but a lie. Nor could she tell her to forget what she had done.

_So here I am, this in my plea  
My only hope is your love for me  
I'm reaching out so desperately  
_ _Come take my hand and take all of me_  
Just as I am

What was the way of ending wars, if there was one where no one needed to die? That was what Allen longed for, as impossible as it seemed to be. He still searched for a way such as this…

But Miranda wondered where forgiveness entered, the chance of a new beginning, better than the past. Perhaps she was allowing her feelings to take charge more than she should as a soldier…

But how do wars end?

_Oh, your love for me_  
I'm reaching out so desperately  
Come take my hand and take all of me  
Just as I am

Slowly, silence came to be once more. Raz was as quiet as before, but her shivering had lessened a little and that mist had faded a bit.

The Exorcist still held the Noah for a little longer.

Miranda still held Raz.

She had never thought she would ever be in a position such as this ever since she had entered the Order and cared nothing for it. Somehow, she was able to see beyond that form and her own experience… And like she had told Reever, they were not mere puppets. Whether of the Order or the nature of the wars.

For some time, they remained there, Exorcist and Noah, still and together, one couldn't tell.

Until the door behind them burst open, making both jump and look, seeing Lauren panting, her lip trembling.

"That… That guy… Lavi…"

She shook her head, trying to force her voice to win over the lack of air. Her eyes went from Miranda to Raz, full of fear.

"He's not good… I think he is dying."

* * *

**Wolf: Just because we like the Noahs as characters, we can't deny: They are a bunch of murderous bastards.By thr way, the song is David Phelps' "Just as I am", credit to him, not me.  
**

**Tyki: We have our reasons to hate humanity, just so you know.**

**Allen: Oh, don't even! No matter what happens, nothing ever gives you the right to kill anyone.**

**Tyki: Boy, you really shouldn't speak of what you don't understand.**

**Allen: Look, I can even get if you become like that due to being pushed to the limits, really, I do. But this still doesn't make what you do okay!**

**Wolf: Guys?**

**Tyki: Oh, please. You should know already how your precious Order is not as holy as you think it is. So it's alright for your Exorcists to kill us?**

**Allen: I didn't say that, but you don't just defend yourselves or attack us, you go after innocent people as well!**

**Wolf: Are you two even listening to me? Ugh, forget it, they will be at it for the next hours. Again, I wanted to touch this particular point here on the story… Of forgiveness and the acts of war. So guys, tell me what you think!**


	28. Act Twenty-Eight – White Embrace

_"We all live inside bodies that will deteriorate. But when you look at human beings, they're capable of very decent things: Love, loyalty. When time is running out, they don't care about possessions or status. They want to put things right if they've done wrong." – Kazuo Ishiguro._

The three women entered the room without bothering to knock, equally breathing heavily after going upstairs in a run and approaching the bed where the redheaded lied, but keeping a safe distance to give him space to breathe.

"What happened?" Miranda asked, eyes running through the faces of the others, without truly fixating upon any of them. Allen shook his head with desperate dismay, fearing for their friend. Elana took Lavi's pulse, unable to give any useful response, except that he seemed to be having a sort of seizure, of which nature she had no idea.

"I don't know, he was fine a moment ago!"

Samuel and Marie came closer, each at one side of the bed to hold the boy when he started to convulse with such strength that it seemed the bed was moving along with hos body. Sweat drops were born one after the other in his forehead and slithered by the pale face, each seeming to shine with a fever of their own.

Miranda didn't want to know and readied herself to activate her Time Record, anxious to _do_ something, if she could at least rewind Lavi's time so they could think, understand what was happening...

"Hey, the Innocence!" Someone cried out. It could have been Marie, but it was not possible to discern it clearly in the moods that mixed in the air of the room like scents. The small hammer that had been hanging in his belt now shone with a greenish gleam that reflected around the room as if this had been drowning in darkness, though it wasn't even close to the sunset.

"Put that in his mouth!" Kanda snarled to Elana, who was closer when the hammer melted. The blonde looked at him for a moment, not comprehending the command. "Just _do it!_ "

Not discussing, she complied, making a shell with one of her hands. There was no need to pay attention to not spill a drop: The substance was homogeneous in nature, unable to divide itself.

Marie at once opened the redhead's mouth, taking care so he wouldn't bit his tongue as his convulsions worsened. For an instant, he feared they would see some foam forming, but the mouth was dry. Elana let the substance fall in his throat, massaging it so Lavi's body would swallow it.

"That's what happened when the Innocences evolved to Crystal…" Lenalee muttered to herself, looking from Kanda to Lavi, also not able to explain what had made the Innocence to change shapes now or even what was going on with the unconscious boy.

"Those convulsions..." Allen looked to the other bed where Bookman still slept, with no signs of facing the same complications. He didn't need to say anything, this could only be work of the Noah.

His silver-like gaze went back to Lavi, who body still shivered, the skin growing a sick shade by the second.

" _Whatever it is... C'mon Lavi, be strong... We're waiting for you here_."

He didn't know what else they could do once they didn't even _knew_ what was going on.

**XxX**

_The world long ago had lost its meaning. Concepts and terms escaping until everything simplified itself until the basic levels of instinct, almost the emotional and sensorial limitations of a fetus._

_His world had become basically divided in two waves, the ones of silence and peace or of rays cutting his nerves and provoking the limits of pain, leaving him frequently in a threshold. Still present enough to feel the pulsation of pain and its remains biting his being, but not enough so his weakness would allow a sleep from which he would not wake up again._

_After certain times alternating between a state and the other, even moments of peace became fearful, for there was no knowing when they would end and there was constantly the presage of pain, a shadow from which he could not get free._

_The notion of his own body was already lost, the mind closing in an environment where there was only white. And the occasional red and black rays that pierced his brain. And the agony spread in such a way that it didn't divide into focal points such as a leg or arm, so there was no difference. And he remained in that place, caged in the depths of his mind and no longer caring about getting out…_

_He had the lightest sensation that there was a time since he had been tormented by those rays, aware that he might be being fooled. Time in itself had no sense when there were only two states of existence to measure it._

_Perhaps he had ceased. Perhaps he had died and not realized it. And if this was death, an eternal floating in a white without pain, then it wasn't so bad. He didn't allow to be too comfortable with the thought, fearing it would be perceived and the red and black would be back, cutting the white. The moments of unconsciousness were very welcome, as much as they pointed out he was not dead (unless you_ did _sleep even after dying?) since he didn't worry about the rays when taken by sleep._

_Other than this, he would rather not think. Even when he felt cold hands searching his memories, playing with images of the past as a child pulling out the wings of insects, he could only do just like the insect and shrunk himself, hoping it would end at some point. There were moments, terrible moments, when he would have rather doubted his own memories and even the existence of the world he barely remembered._

_No, it was better to limit himself to keep floating in the whiteness._

_He had had the sensation that there were sounds, that seemed to call for him, voices that were different from the previous. Those called him with gentleness and had a familiar quality to them. He knew what they were and yet, remained where he was. Not only because he wasn't sure he remembered how or even if he could... Thoughts through words did not exist anymore, just sensations in their pure state and often, he no longer bothered in trying to understand them._

_Then, the pain was back._

_It was more than the rays, more than everything he had ever known._

_It filled everything around and inside him, bites of fire and ice, one after the other so fast, as if his nerve endings were guinea pigs of how many types of pain someone could feel in sequence with no time to discernment or healing. And he remained lost wuthiyt a voice to scream, lacerated from inside out..._

_Then... Warmth._

_Something had run to that point when he had taken refuge inside himself and held him, held him somehow and isolated him from the pain. Not until it was forgotten, but in a way it became a sort of echo and that was enough to make him sigh in relief..._

_It was the most curious sensation, having something holding him inside his own body..._

_But was it his body? Yes, he was going back to feeling something more physical, even if it was still too distant to be truly his. And here, now, he just existed in a pure form, no division between mind and soul..._

_It didn't matter, it didn't matter, he was away from the pain enough to not feel it entirely, so it was alright._

_The sensation intensified. It was pleasant and warm, as the memory of the maternal embryo and he allowed himself to relax. The thing wrapped him in a cocoon of safety. He knew, somehow, that his body was being destroyed and he didn't care. If this was death, then all he asked for was that there was no pain and he just had to wait for a brief moment._

_"_ Do you want to die? _" The question came softly. Something in him shivered. It wasn't something he had expected, nor it was easy to understand. Not because there had been some sound since so long, but because the communication didn't rely merely on words which meaning the brain could decipher. It was more direct, blood with blood, mind with mind._

_Well, he supposed he did want to. He had felt enough pain already, he would rather sleep._

_The sensation around echoed with sorrow and he felt himself cradled, almost in a way of asking forgiveness. That he didn't understand. Whatever was holding him had no blame. The Noah were the ones who had tortured him..._

_Oh, yes, the Noah. He could remember them now..._

_"_ Do you truly want to die?" _The thing was trying to hold back the pain (and perhaps what had caused it) and wouldn't be able to keep it for longer. Whatever it was the meaning that time had gained here._

_He hesitated now that his thoughts were growing clearer. All he knew was that he didn't want more pain and that hadn't been quite the question. Suddenly, he recalled clearly of when he was a child..._

_That day..._

_That day had been similar and he had thought he wanted to die because he couldn't bear anymore of the pain that seemed to be his whole world. And yet, he had survived against all he had expected..._

_Something had moved his life, after that day..._

_No. No, he didn't want to die. If he could, once more, escape and carry on, then it was what he wanted to do. He didn't want to die yet, but..._

_"_ What for?"

_Yes, what for? The question had a gentle tone of curiosity, nothing with the negative ways of disdain. And it was comprehensible, he thought. After so long in that state where thoughts were no more than shards, wasn't it natural that he would rather die?_

_No. It couldn't be. Otherwise, he wouldn't have survived that day so many years ago._

_Wait, that was wrong just as well. His survival then had been by accident. Here there was a sort of choice and while a part of him still thought it would be better to just allow himself to cease, he still felt there was some... Some_ reason _worth waking up for. Even if he was to wake up in a world still divided by those states of peace and pain..._

_There was something._

_He wanted to live, there was something... If he could at leas_ t _focus_. _.._

_Bookman._

_He wanted to be a Bookman, to study and find out the hidden story of the world, find out why... Why..._

_The sensation of curiosity of that thing surrounding him grew. He was hesitating... The thing held him gently, almost a spring-breeze. Somehow, it was alright. And he felt that, whatever that as, it loved him. He would have liked to give a hand and caress it back, transmit that he understood the feeling and reciprocate it..._

_But he had no hands._

_Yet, in some way, he felt the thing was smiling at him and around him. So at least those intentions also could be transmitted. And that was good._

_He couldn't stay here. He had to wake up. Because he wanted to be a Bookman, because he wanted to understand, learn things no other person knew and he had to understand why back in that day, why..._

_"_ If you call me by my first name again, I'll slice you up!"

_"_ Lavi! Did you draw on my face again?"

"Don't worry, Lavi..."

"Hey, Lavi…"

_No..._

_No, it wasn't because of Bookman. That... That for a long time had been_ everything _in his life and as much as that still burned in him, there was_ _something more, other flame which shape he could force into sounds and images._

_Faces passed by him. Words exchanged. Memories._

_He wanted to live._

_Because he wanted to see his friends again. Because they had been there for him and he wanted to be there for them as well! They were in a war and while he could force his body to function, he wanted to see them, wanted to be with them!_

_He wanted to live._

_He wanted to live as Lavi._

_The thing around him wrapped him closer and it had all freshness of the first breath of a baby. And it expanded with this same freshness, running through his nerves, his blood and body, burning what it found in the way and it was not a part of him._

_And Lavi felt it. He felt each nerve of his being, each vein and artery carrying blood that was fresher than before, his heart renewing the beat. As if he was born again, his senses expanded and his body burned as if washed from inside out..._

_He still held on to that feeling of being hugged inside, understanding that that perhaps Allen had understood first than any of them when he said he wanted to be a destroyer that saved..._

_For the Innocence was not a weapon of hate, made to destroy akumas and hurt._

_It was a weapon of peace, born to save souls and protect._

_"_ Allen," _He managed to think before he felt the approaching of a kind sleep with no fear. "_ You were right, man…"

Identical cuts opened in Lavi's arms, blood flourishing with fury, making Elana cry out and try to cover the sudden hemorrhage as she looked around for something to use as bandage.

"Leave it, Elana! It's alright." Allen went to her, holding her shoulder. "That's how it is."

The woman turned to Allen, apparently ready to protest, but then went quiet. Swallowing hard, she nodded taming her nervousness before something she had never witnessed before.

Blood escaped from Lavi as if rejected by the body and in ran in the sheets, making red flowers in its wake.

"Hey, look at that..." Krory muttered when he saw something in the blood. Among the spreading red, there were long things of a grayish color that fell in the floor or remained in the bed even when the blood slithered back to the young man's arms, entering the cuts and leaving just black scars in his skin.

"What is _that_?" He asked when examining one of those things closely, without touching it. One still seemed fresh and it moved as if alive. "It looks like some sort of worm..."

As the presents looked at each other, the creature twisted itself and stayed still, soon becoming no more than ashes.

**XxX**

At the same time the Innocence in pure state ran through Lavi's blood, Fiidora let out a shriek of pain, his long tongue slipping out his mouth and shivering as a snake. Some of the eyes had burst open, a white liquid mixing with saliva and ashes that fell out of it.

Maashima held the other Noah that coughed and had trouble breathing.

"What was that?" Sheryl asked in shock. In a moment, things had seemed alright, Fiidora had been concentrated and controlling the worms inside the redheaded brat to devour him from inside out. Like Tyki's teases, they accumulated in flesh and blood, proliferating and waiting for the moment to break the host apart.

Then Fiidora had cried out and now there were wounds in his mouth and he held his head as if in pain.

"Damn it... Curse him..." He swore with a shivering voice.

"What happened?" Maashima asked while helping Fiidora to stand straight, a spasm running through him as his face twisted in an expression of mixed hate and repulse.

"I don't know... Somehow that damn Innocence burned my worms!" And by extension, had reached him, burning him inside as well. Not enough to cause an extensive damage, but enough for him to not forget that pain very soon.

Devit and Jasdero made a face, both recalling when they had caught an infection due to the Innocence of the vampire Exorcist.

They didn't ask if he had managed to kill the brat. Fiidora's expression and his discontentment were clear signals. They could only hope there had been enough damage to cause an hemorrhage or some similar consequence.

**XxX**

As much as he knew that entering in contact to give news wouldn't be possible so soon, it didn't mean there was no anxiety. On the contrary, it seemed to intensify itself precisely because of that.

Reever couldn't help it. He wasn't a fool and perhaps after all this time with his friends having to leave in missions from which they could not come back, perhaps he should be used to wait for news and know to control himself, telling himself to wait, sometimes the Exorcists were unable to get in contact, that didn't mean they were hurt...

Yes, the logic made sense.

And it was of no help whatsoever.

It wasn't just that the missions chosen were just an excuse that allowed them to try and rescue Lavi and the risk involved or meet Allen and the strange group Kanda had mentioned...

" _Not to mention a_ Noah _."_ The idea still caused a shock and he didn't believe he would get used to it quite soon. It was almost as finding out the existence of a cold fire or a fish that lived out of the water. However, even without such factors, the point was that he just worried...

And he missed Miranda.

He knew, that as an Exorcist, she was strong and could take care of herself, despite what others might think, but logic arguments had no effect against the scenarios his mind could come up with.

He tried to keep his self-control, not let anyone else realize what was happening in him at the same time when, at times, his thoughts wandered to her, imagining how she was or remembering the times they had talked...

" _What is going on with me?"_

**XxX**

The bed received her with the usual comfort and molded against her body, creating the pleasant feeling that only our own beds have. With a sigh of relaxation, Klaud turned her body around, nestling herself in the sheets.

As her muscles started to rest and Lau lied at the side of her head, wrapping his tail around his small body, Klaud's thoughts were allowed to fly with more freedom.

Upon coming back from an investigation about Innocence (false lead, in the end, it was just a rare phenomenon, but not unexplained), she had found out that her unit had left in another mission. Just like Kanda Yuu's unit.

No one would have seen anything abnormal about it, considering the frequency they had to leave in missions anyway.

" _Like hell."_ She reflected, a small smile adorning her face as her fingers caressed Lau, who made a low sound of pleasure. " _Kanda is not the type to just go and do things without a reason. And all the Exorcists in question are Walker's friends... Well, maybe Marie doesn't know him as well as the others, but he knows him enough. And he is Kanda's friend…"_

The General wondered what they were up to. Perhaps she was mistaken and it was just normal missions, but her instinct refused the idea and the woman had long ago learned that sometimes you should trust your heart.

Her thoughts went to Krory. He hadn't said a thing to her anymore after their last conversation and she hadn't sought him either...

" _You have to admire him."_ She could remember when she had met him, a shy man that wasn't very different from Miranda Lotto with her initial nervousness. Though he had never stopped being a quiet person, it was easier to take notice of the strength that hid behind his dark eyes.

In relation to the possible allies, Klaud considered him and Kanda to be higher in her list. Taking how Lenalee had gone out in defense of Walker before Levelier, Klaud considered her as well, but that obvious expression of emotions... No, in the game they were, she could only hope that Lenalee would learn to control such expressions, otherwise she would be digging a grave for herself.

They were not in a situation where words of devotion were enough.

And things were growing worse by the time. Klaud would rather not get involved in such talks, keeping her facial mask of "General", but she did pay attention each time she overhead some talk whose subject came even close of Allen.

The gossip had not only been revived, but had also grown since Chaozii had revealed how Walker had meant to save the life of a Noah (and being kissed by Road Kamelot) and she had already heard some people referring to him as White Demon or White Noah, names that were quickly catching up. People who still went on about it (for there was always the need to have names as target for the hate, to blame for the nightmares and the war), spoke as if it was a fact of nature that Allen was a traitor and treated him as they would when talking about any other Noah, some even commenting how they had always suspected that there was something amiss with the white-haired, cursed boy.

It was ridiculous!

And she would have found it amusing, if it wasn't for the despise dancing with the tones and nicknames or the clear hate that she had seen in Chaozii's eyes during some moments when their scheduled training collided.

" _Nothing can be done about this..."_ And there was no shortage of sadness in this. Klaud sighed and focused in trying to find a solution to what had been haunting her mind for a while now.

The Order's archives.

With the pretext of be just walking or coming back from a session of training, the woman had walked by the stair that led to the tunnels underground. Following the main one, you would find Hevlaska and though another one, you would reach the Archives Room. Several data and info, including that of battles from years ago...

" _If I could get in..."_ It needed to be without anyone else knowing it. The specific archives about thirty-five years ago or more were, without a doubt, been kept with more care than before and the Central itself probably had already studied them in search of clues about the Fourteenth.

" _If you keep yourself focused in just one point, you may lose sight of the bigger picture."_

The question remained: How could she do that?

The easier way remained the same: Using of her authority as General. And it was also the easier way to call attention to herself and risk suspicion. Perhaps someone would judge her paranoid for this, but Klaud didn't care. The truth was that the Central was the paranoid one and she had to think about how they saw things at the moment.

The keys were probably well kept. Perhaps in Levelier's office...

" _It all must be done in one night. That means stealing the keys from the Inspector, entering the Archives Room,_ f _inding the correct papers, copying them, getting out, giving the keys back..."_

She turned, covering her eyes with her arm.

That wouldn't be easy.

" _Great."_ She thought with harshness. " _All this without being seen or creating reason for suspicions"_ And directed her thoughts to Lau, who was still awake, feeling his owner was planning something. " _We will need care and luck, here Lau. And you know I do not believe in luck."_

**XxX**

"He seems to be alright..." Elana commented while feeling Bookman's pulse. "As far as I can see, he needs a lot of rest, but..." They couldn't forget that, Exorcist or not, Bookman was still a man of old age.

After the sudden evolution of Lavi's Innocence, the boy seemed stable and hadn't suffered another attack. He had muttered something in his sleep, without waking up and was still wounded and weak, but didn't seem to be in imminent danger anymore.

The others had expected some similar reaction in Bookman, yet nothing had happened and Elana had decided to examine him once more to make sure everything was alright... Or as alright as it could be.

" _The Noah truly did a number in them."_ She reflected with a sigh. " _How much can the body and the mind bear before breaking apart?"_ The question carried coldness. The Noah probably knew the answer. Whatever they had done, it had been with meticulous care to not go beyond that limit.

And yet, they had approached that line enough.

"They can't go back to the Order." Krory insisted, looking at the others and shaking his head. "Think about it, how they would explain an escape?"

It was a question no one had thought much about it until the vampire had pointed it out. They had focused themselves in the rescue in itself, not about what to do afterwards. Miranda nodded.

"Let's be honest. There is no possible lie that the Central would accept." She couldn't image the how Central would ever be convinced of an "accidental" rescue or that they had somehow escaped themselves, even if they waited until they didn't carry such obvious signals of torture. The Central was not idiot.

"Even so..." Samuel muttered with a way that was not usual from him, making his displeasure clear. Not so much about Lavi, but Elana had already explained to Allen that he had no sympathy for the Bookman lineage, even if she didn't know the details herself, since they had never talked about it. If she was to be completely honest, she knew little to nothing about that lineage and thought few people did.

Allen had had to admit he didn't know much about Bookman himself. For an instant, Road's words had come to him, from back when she had been trying to break Lavi's mind so they would fight, but Allen ignored it. It mattered very little in the present situation.

"Do you have a better idea?" Alison recalled while crossing her arms, weariness marking her face and she seemed like someone who hadn't slept in months. "Because I'm all ears..." It was obvious she wasn't very pleased about the only possible solution either, but was preferable to the alternative. They hadn't spent years managing to hide from the Order to suddenly take a risk such as that.

Samuel didn't reply, only a corner of his mouth twisted and he ran his strong hand in his dark hair, indication he saw no other way as well. Elana rested her hand on his back gently and the man's muscles reacted at once, relaxing.

The only possible way was to Lavi and Bookman now go with the Exiled in their journey, instead of going back to the Order. For what Samuel knew of the Bookman's ways, he doubted the old bat would like that very much... But without a credible story to how they had escaped the Noah, it was quite likely that the Central would suspect Allen's involvement and there was also the chance of someone noticing how the locals of the Exorcists' missions were conveniently close.

It would have been easy for the Central to suspect both had had been kept in the Ark and the only one who had more "control" over the damn thing had been Alleb. Therefore, he could be involved. Then, they would suspect more manpower...

No, Allen was an Exiled just like they were.

And they wouldn't allow _any_ of them to face this sort of risk.

"Sorry for this." Miranda tried, seeing how Alison and Samuel were annoyed by the idea. The man's dark eyes blinked to her and his features softned.

"Hey, no reason for apologies." He replied, not sure of what had made her say that. Lauren, who had kept herself abnormally quiet during the talk about the next steps, sighed audibly.

"It's just... Try to understand... We all _chose_ to leave the Order. Or had to." She added, not needing to look at Allen or any of the others.

"But Lavi and Bookman didn't." Krory completed in a low tone, trying to comprehend their point of view. He was about to add something more when a groan called their attention.

Lavi was waking up.

"Give space so he can breathe." Elana said before any of the others approached too much and placed her hand on his forehead. "Lotto, pass me that cloth please? He still has a fever. Samuel, get some water."

Lavi groaned lightly, as if still in search for the right path to consciousness. The others tensed up, unsure of what to expect. Elana placed the humid cloth in his forehead while Lauren held the first aid box in case there was immediate need, should Lavi express some pain. She still couldn't take off her mind the image of the blood expelling those worms from his system. The memory made a shiver ran over her spine, even after Lenalee and Allen had already explained about the strange evolution of Innocence and the woman had showed the marks she had on her ankles, as Kanda, with some grumbling, showed his.

Lauren had never expected to see something like that in her entire life.

A green eye opened. The color was pale, almost mist-like.

Lips trembled as if wanting to form a smile or words, but the gesture was weak and the body no longer remembered clearly how to do so. A weak sound escaped, followed by words that were fragile in sound.

"Hey... To wake up surrounded by... Such beautiful women... So... This must be Heaven, right?"

Elana and Alison exchanged looks of shock at the same moment, while Lenalee laughed to herself, the sound having roots more in relief than in finding the comment actually funny. Kanda, in his turn, rolled his eyes.

"If what comes out from the idiot's mouth as soon as he wakes up is such a pathetic pick-up line like that, then he is alright." He grumbled, crossing his arms. "No reason to worry" And walked away, sitting in a corner and closing his eyes as if making a point to show the subject was closed and done as far as he was concerned.

Still, a weak laugh found its way to Allen's mouth.

"Well, I think that was to be expected." Relief dominated his veins, clearing up clouds of worry, as if this had been some sort of sign that Lavi was still himself. He approached slowly. "Hey... Lavi...?"

The body in the bed was still that of a broken doll, with no strength for movements, but the pale eye opened again and went to the end of the bed, meeting gray eyes.

"Hey... You were right, Allen…"

Allen did not understand what the other was talking about, but couldn't find in himself to care now. Lavi still tried to say something more, before Elana moved the cloth against his forehead.

"Easy there..." She warned softly as Lavi's eye closed once more with a mumble that no one understood before he became silent once more. Upon standing up, Elana looked at the other bed where Bookman was... Perhaps he too, would wake up soon.

**XxX Two days later XxX**

"We still have our own missions…" Kanda kept the harsh expression of always while leaning his back on the wall. "And it's better we get in contact soon, the Order will soon wonder if something happened and if they realize we turned our Golens off, if they haven't already..."

"I bet they did." Alison grunted, recalling her own days back in the organization as she checked some of the bandages Johnny and Miranda had brought, besides more medicine. During the last night, Lavi had showed improvement in his condition and Bookman, according to Elana and Krory who had stayed in the room, had gone through moments of consciousness and even said something, before falling asleep once more.

"If the situation is at the point you guys described, I wouldn't be surprised with anything else." They couldn't even risk turning their golens on now to say that everything was alright, not with the chance of the Order deciding to track their localization. Alison thought about some times when Lauren had joked with the idea that they were growing paranoid about it, but the joke aside, the truth was that all of them would rather evaluate all their possibilities in order to avoid them.

And after what the Exorcists had told them, she didn't think there would be any prevention that deserved to be classified as "paranoid". Not only regarding them, but the Exorcists just as well. Even though Kanda was now a General, it didn't change the fact that the Central still suspected him. Better safe than sorry anyway...

Kanda offered no reply, merely nodded in agreement. Alison, for a moment, wanted to ask if had had truly accepted the role of General, but decided to say nothing and held a sigh, whispering in an unreadable tone.

"How do you _stand_ the idea of going back there?"

"It isn't really a matter of choice, girl." The other snapped without hiding the ironic tone. Alison looked at him in silence until lowering her dark green eyes, picking some bandages and gauze.

"No... I suppose it isn't."

It was Kanda's turn to stay in silence for a moment as he watched her.

"Did you spend a lot of time there?"

"Just enough." It was the reply and the girl hesitated before shaking her head slightly to herself as she started to change the curatives in her arms with the ability of who is used to take care of herself. There were needle-like lines of wound breaking her skin and wrapping around the arm, some with a deep aspect and a line of pain still burned in them. "Yeegar was my General…"

Of the people she had truly known in the Order, he was one of the few who remained in her mind with warmth and love...

She had thought she had no more tears, but the night she had learned of what had happened to him, she had cried in silence until sleep had finally took her away.

Kanda kept his stoic expression, merely nodding to indicate he had known the man.

"Hi there…" A voice called them, coming from the stairs while Lauren came down, still limping a little though there was no pain to be found in her face, which Alison knew to mean nothing. Most of them, over time, had become versatile in keep a distance between their expressions and whatever went through their bodies or souls.

"Are you guys really leaving?"

Kanda nodded again. Lauren, already used to his serious manners, just sat at Alison's side, who had finished wrapping her arm and said nothing even when a lightning of pain went up from her leg to her spine.

"Well... You should at least wait a little more and eat something."

Kanda grunted something, looking away. But Lauren and Alison looked at each other, since he hadn't said anything about the idea being foolish, then perhaps he was accepting the suggestion?

**XxX**

" _Neah... Can you hear me?"_ He thought tentatively, eyes closed and concentrating in the sensations of his body and mind, unsure that this could work, but if Neah was inside him, then perhaps there was a possible communication?

Even so, he felt nothing. No pulsating, nothing out of the normal...

Allen sighed to himself and opened his eyes slowly. The idea of attempting to make a communication with Neah had passed by his mind already, helped by the memory of when he had seen him for a moment when the Noah had almost possessed him during the case of Alma Karma.

" _You too, have become a mad puppet."_ That was what he had said. Allen hadn't understood now and didn't now, either. He wasn't sure of what he felt... On a hand, he was scared of losing control and what could happen then. Neah had hurt Johnny quite seriously, what else could he do? Besides, Mother's warning of how those two opposite energies could end up killing him hadn't been forgotten... And his nerves still now seemed to shatter at the very moment of the seizures he had had back then.

He knew they could come back at any moment.

And despite all this, he had realized how he actually knew nothing of Neah.

He had wondered if understanding him would change anything, realizing later that even if it didn't change things, it was something he wanted to do. He wanted to understand what had happened, in what he was involved and why...

Those two sensations danced inside of him, neither overpowering the other enough to be felt clearly.

As if that wasn't enough, he also couldn't help but to fear that making a communication with Neah could make it easier for the Noah to possess him. Now he thought that brief moment in which he had seen the Noah might have been just that once. Allen had no idea if he was supposed to be disappointed or relieved at this...

He sat on the skeleton of the broken bed, elbows leaning on his knees.

His thoughts took him to Raz for an instant. In the last days they had spent in that house as Lavi recovered slowly, she seemed lost in her own thoughts. Her silence, he had noticed, was different from when they had first met the Exiled and he could feel there was something going on with her... Allen wasn't sure that it was just the Exorcists' presence that had made her retreat to herself (he knew it couldn't be easy to the girl, he had learned how the Noah's instinct could be sometimes).

Even so... For now, he had decided to give her space, but he was getting more and more worried.

The room's door opened ajar, someone spying in.

"Hi... Can I come in, Allen?" Lenalee asked before the boy smiled and nodded.

"How are your legs?"

"Quite better." She gave him a small smile as she sat in something that could have been a sort of small chair, but time had disfigured it to point one couldn't be sure if that was what it had been. "I wouldn't say ready to another round like that, but better…"

A recuperation so fast, in any other cycle, would have been considered surprisingly.

"Good to hear." He didn't need to pretend relief or to comment about the seriousness of her burns, that would have had worse effects in a normal person. In the end, even now, he couldn't help but to sigh that the plan had truly worked and no one had died. Not when they had invaded the Noah's territory like that. The Battles of the Ark had been another matter entirely, they had been _taken_ there.

"What about you, what about your wounds?" Lenalee could only nod when he mentioned he was also better. The word-exchange between them was still more formal than it should be, still marked by past events.

It wasn't quite that what had bought her here and once more the girl experimented the same sensation of when meeting Allen for the first times in so many months and she didn't like it.

Once more, memories and images of the times they had spent together before all came crumbling down ran through her mind in fast flashes. And not for the first time, Lenalee wondered about decisions not made and words unsaid.

Perhaps, if something in the past was changed, how to know it wouldn't change the entire line that followed until this day?

"Allen..." Her tone was low, but called his attention and the boy looked at her with simplicity. Yet, it wasn't as it had been before...

"I'm sorry."

The white-haired boy stayed in silence and blinked to her, not understanding what she was saying. It was like when they had met and Miranda, she, Krory, they had already apologized... However, but Lenalee's behavior, he felt the reasons were more personal.

The words " _that's alright_ " almost came to him instinctively, but carried the taste of lies that were even bitterer than before, so he decided it would be better to remain quiet.

"I wanted... I..." She took a deep breathe, trying to find terms that expressed exactly what happened inside her. "That time I asked you to stay. I wasn't thinking..." She swallowed and looked in his eyes, hoping against hope that her voice wouldn't shiver.

"I'm sorry."

That night, along with many other memories, also had slithered around her mind.

"It... It was nothing…" It was the muttered reply with a small shrug. All that was in the past and Allen didn't want to keep going back to those points. He had comprehended with himself that there was no forgetting and no avoiding the hurt, but that didn't mean he wanted to mull over it either.

He just wanted to leave all that in the past. He was tired.

"Yes, it was. I didn't just abandon you..." It hurt to say those things, but not for herself. It hurt to look back and realize that she had hurt someone, especially someone she regarded as friend. Lenalee could affirm that there were things that did hurt more than physical wounds and had to recognize she had caused this sort of hurt.

In the last two days, past events had stood out in her mind and she had had time to think and allow that they haunted her, because she had understood then that only like this she could evaluate what had happened and the path that had taken there for this point.

Now, some small thoughts made themselves heard, whispering justifications and how there was nothing she could have done for Allen either way... How she had only meant well, only wished for his safety...

Lenalee ignored them. They were lies whispered by her own mind and she no longer wanted to hear them.

" _Friends don't hurt friends._ "

"I didn't do anything else _either_." She looked him in the eyes, thinking about how many times Allen's smile had been a lie that she hadn't noticed. "I said awful things as well."

Both looked at each other in silence. Their instinct, more than the rational mind, ran through the "maybe", "could-should" that indicated paths never taken and had been closed forever when other decisions had been made.

"Allen... Can you forgive me, for not being a good friend?"

He stayed quiet for a moment, letting the words be absorbed by the mind. He hadn't wanted to admit even to himself what he felt until that night in Mother's house when he had finally told all the truth to Raz... And she had told him that it was alright to feel betrayed, that it didn't make him a bad person, that it was natural... Then, and only then, he had been able to cry.

Even after this, he had still tried to not think about it, tried to not look behind just because he didn't want to face his own feelings on the matter. The little he had allowed himself to feel in the deep hours of the night when he couldn't sleep and thoughts became crows had been quite enough already.

Upon seeing Miranda and the others again, he hadn't had how to hide it anymore and couldn't deny how their actions had hurt him more than when Tyki had planted a Tease in his heart. He couldn't deny that, even if he knew they couldn't have done anything, the fact that they hadn't bothered to try... Even to hear them screaming at the guards outside his cell would have been a light...

But they had left him in the darkness.

They had left him to drown.

To leave the Order, to hear the loud warning echoing that he was to be classified as a Noah from now on, considering his mind had already been in a storm after seeing Apocryphos, after that creature had manifested itself and the _confusion to be saved by Noahs..._

The sensation of being alone.

He had smiled to Lenalee, as if there was no other expression that his muscles knew and told her he loved everyone in the Order, but that same home now hated him.

He couldn't say her words had been a source of comfort or encouragement that night.

Still, it wasn't in him to wallow in resentments... There was a lot already pulling him to unknown depths as it was, so he merely nodded. Lenalee repeated the gesture, a mute understanding between them that this meant only that Allen didn't despise her.

Lenalee knew it was more than she deserved, more than any of them deserved. And in the future? That still seemed too wrapped in thorns.

"I don't want to fight you." She caught herself whispered, unable to hide this fear. There always had been fear. Fear of the next fight, of loss, of pain... Now, pain devoured all around, becoming a haunting entity that grabbed veins and infected blood. "And I won't."

Allen, for a moment, didn't seem to be about to reply.

"Then we won't. See, we met again and you didn't need to kick me!" He assumed a thoughtful air before adding with a kind of smile that, while not a lie, wasn't also the one Lenalee had grown used to. "And that's good, too, your kicks hurt a lot."

The joke helped the clean the stable air among the two. It wasn't quite like laughter from before, free and without barriers, being more the sort of sound between two people who don't see each other for ages and no longer feel the intimacy that allows them to communicate with their gazes alone.

But it was laughter, at any rate.

"Still, Allen... I'm so sorry…" Maybe, if things hadn't followed such a uncontrolled path, she would have been able to tell him more than that.

But this was reality, in which all that had happened and it couldn't be altered.

She chose the silence.

There were things she needed to work with herself as well.

**XxX**

He held the Golem. It was black and smooth to the touch, quite alike those of the Order, once the material had come from there. However, Johnny had somehow made small aesthetic alterations, enough so the similarity was basic and differences made it into something new.

Allen had to admit the idea had worked. He knew well why Johnny had dedicated himself to such differences and there was a comfort in this as well. To be honest, he wasn't sure he would have felt good using a Golem that looked so much like something that belonged in the Order.

The man in question had his shoulders low. Thanks to the amount of work back in the Order, he could deal with few hours of sleep and didn't tire quite easily, so he had managed to build some golens by himself and, after presenting them, had also showed the Exorcists how to use the ones they had in a frequency that the Order couldn't track down or monitor, the same that had been used by Allen when he had asked Kanda for help when they had decided to rescue Lavi and Bookman.

"I know it's not Tim, but... We can use it..." He muttered, well aware Allen still carried the burnt remains of Timcampy and also how the loss hadn't been the same as losing a mere object. The boy thanked as Lauren also examined the other golem Johnny had made. It had been a long time ago since they had used those things and now, she couldn't deny that when she had joined the organization, the golens had been a source of fascination and curiosity, as she had never even dreamed about such technology before.

Without a doubt, they made communication more practical.

"You, hn, Allen... I disappear for a while. You get yourself into a mess like that…" Lavi tried to joke, but his words were still forced sounds into the shape and there was no cheerfulness, as if he couldn't remember even how to pretend that. It was almost as hearing a creature that could imitate the voice's cadence, but lacked the emotion. It also didn't help how it had been a while since his body had been able to produce any sound.

He was half seated in his bed while holding a soup dish. Not knowing how the Noah had kept him and Bookman alive and also wanting to give time for his recuperation, Elana had suggested that it would be better if he didn't feed on solid things at least for a while until he felt truly better.

She hoped it would be less complicated than what they had expected due to the evolution of his Innocence, but there was no way to be sure about it... And this just physically. He had woken up in the last night suddenly and it had taken him time until he finally understood while he was. Miranda had been in the room at the time with Elana and both believed the absence of screams was more due to tiredness and the time without using his voice than anything else.

Allen and the Exorcists had also been able to see the obvious. There was a harshness in his facial lines that had never been there and even with his attempts at humor, there was something in his mannerisms that couldn't accompany the memories...

Somehow, Lavi was still lost, slowly searching for the path back.

In reply to the joke (or attempt), Allen merely smiled weakly to him.

"Well, when have things ever been different, right?"

"Which confirms," Lavi muttered. "That you're truly _cursed._ " His voice imitated the sound of small laughter that came from the memory, without truly measuring up to it and just being a weak echo. Allen still tried to see this as an improvement, since those were closer demonstrations of humor than it had been in the last days.

After fully waking up, Lavi and Bookman had had time to talk with Allen, Lenalee, Krory and the others, more listening that speaking about what has happened during all those months they had spent as prisoners. Lavi had barely spoken of what had happened to _him_ and no one had asked much either, for which he was secretly grateful. Bookman had given the minimum details necessary, just that they had been torture for info and that even the other Noahs didn't seem to know much about the Fourteenth.

The last days had been spent in rest and, slowly, Lavi felt able to think coherently once more, thought there was still a hollow sensation, as if a part of him had been forgotten in the Ark. Yet, the story had given him something to think about when he felt his mind working once more... All that had heard and also about what he was sure he had felt during the evolution of his Innocence; when Allen had told him about Apocryphos and also what had truly happened to Suman Dark, he had felt a shiver. He had never thought about the possibility of Innocences havinf some sort of consciousness, let alone feelings for their accommodators.

And yet, he knew. What he had felt had been his Innocence, cradling his soul.

Curiously, when he had been left alone with Bookman, he hadn't wanted to ask about the creature Allen had seen or even if the old man knew anything. It was too much to assimilate to engage in a conversation on the subject right away... Allen arrested, the Noah rescuing him, Apocryphos... And as if that wasn't enough, the Exiled and that Noah girl, Raz.

Besides, though his strength was coming back quicker than what would be considered normal taking in account what had happened, he was still far from being up and about again and weariness still grabbed his insides.

"So, any idea where we shall go, then?" Bookman asked from his bed, not giving signs of what he thought about the whole ordeal. "Since we won't go back to the Order..."

They had been warned of such as well and Lavi had no idea what to think about it... He had grown too used to the live of Exorcist, something Road Kamelot had realized when "playing" with him in the Ark. On another hand, knowing what had been done to Allen had created a bitter taste in his mouth from which he couldn't get free from.

As someone from the Bookman lineage, he should keep himself apart from such cases. People were just ink, figures whose acts were dots in the great history of humanity and only facts that did influence the course were of true value. A historian shouldn't involve himself, but to stay away and just register what happened, letting the natural course to take shape...

Lavi knew deep inside he couldn't just stand by anymore.

He had already, for many and many times, assumed this role of registering and had worked it masterly, with no emotion caused by the events.

Not now.

Human history had been pushed aside now in favor of a friend who had been treated as a criminal and now was seen as an enemy by the same home he had fought for.

" _You shouldn't feel like this._ " A voice, too alike to that of his other "me" that Road had used to attack him mentally, whispered. Lavi was still so hurt inside that he didn't react.

"Not that travelling with such attractive company won't be pleasant" He tried to joke again if just to shut that voice away and to try and ignore that bitter feeling that he had brought from the Ark. He didn't want to seem weak, didn't want anyone to go away carrying an image of him suffering. He never liked that.

"Is he always like that?" Lauren asked, unable to fully hide a playful smile, still holding the new golem. Kanda, sitting at a corner with his elbow leaning on his knee, twisted his mouth and Allen shrugged.

"Oh, you get used to it…"

After they talked a little more about their plans, they decided to leave both of them to sleep. The Exorcists had to leave already and said goodbyes to Lavi and Bookman, while promising they would see each other soon, lamenting they couldn't stay longer until they were both fully recovered...

It didn't take more than a couple of minutes to Lavi to fall asleep. Bookman, in his turn, remained half seated in the bed, reflecting about all that had happened. He couldn't say he was completely happy with the situation... On a side, those were quite unprecedented events: He had never even heard about that small group that named themselves Exiled, though they were of small importance considering the greater scheme of the war. And there was also nothing in his register that at some point of history a Noah had become an ally of an Exorcist.

Or Innocence's Accommodator would be perhaps the better term in Walker's case now.

Yes, the logic was that the Fourteenth had known Cross, but their relationship remained too wrapped in shadows to be firmly classified as friends in the register.

There was also the fact to consider that he had missed events of great importance to be noted and how now he would be forced to walk away from the Order to follow that errant group. It was nothing that went accordingly with the plans and the loss of info was something grave for a Bookman... They were supposed to report that war from the Order's point of view, as they were the human's side. That was all that mattered, nothing else...

Yet, he was no fool. He knew he couldn't register anything if he was dead.

The groan of the old door opening a little called his attention.

It was the Exiled, Samuel Kallen.

He took a moment to look at Lavi, making sure he was asleep before he looked at Bookman with an inscrutable gaze and, with movements of the panther he seemed to be under the human skin, he approached his bed with arms crossed.

"Are you going to give us any trouble, wanting to go back to the Order?"

Well, the man was direct to the point. Bookman couldn't deny this was something he did appreciated, contrary to people who tended to beat around the bush. From what he quickly noticed from such attitude, the man wither didn't like to follow journey with people who had not chosen to leave the Order by themselves or there was something more going on.

"There isn't much of a choice, I would say." He measured his words with caution, as he was not sure of what to do about it. If any rescue was to be made, he would have thought it would have been made by the Order and knew his position now was out of his control, no matter what he felt about it. "So, I think we'll go with you."

At least he could still record a hidden part of that war and the development of Allen Walker. He had not forgotten what Hevlaska had said about the boy becoming a Destroyer of Time.

Samuel lifted his eyebrows and a shadow of disdain passed by his eyes, as if feeling the nature of the old man's thoughts.

"Perhaps we should make somethings clear..." He said with a softness that was almost a purr. "I do not like you."

It was Bookman's turn to raise his brow, but he didn't have time to express how it didn't affect him or to ask in what sense. Samuel merely carried on.

"I do know a little about the Bookman lineage. Enough to not have the tiniest sympathy for it." His tone was tame, while leaving no doubt that he had only helped in the whole ordeal because Allen was his friend and also because no one deserved to be left to the mercy of the Noah. "What I want to make clear is that, if you make matters complicated to us trying to go back because of your oh-so-precious historic record, then you'll be putting my friends in risk... And that's where _I_ come in. Understand?"

Bookman just stared back at him. It wasn't the first time he met one of the few people who had some idea of what the Bookman lineage truly meant and who also despised it. However, he has not stupid and knew that going back to the Order would cause problems to him as well... He had to keep his records safe no matter what.

The Bookman lineage was Guardian of Human History, after all.

"Perfectly." He replied in the same tone. "And I don't expect you to understand. But this record is of extreme importance. Do you have any idea of how many things would have been lost if it wasn't for us? The study of pyramids, the Alexandria? We have struggled for ages to not let human's knowledge to fall into the darkness, to keep the history of how humans change this world. Of course, someone like you wouldn't grasp it."

Samuel didn't seem the least impressed and surprisingly, gave a low chuckle, his throat trembling with the sound it produced. That did not interest him considering that same lineage stood aside and let the most atrocious things to happen, merely making notes of it and not even blinking an eye to the lives that had been lost in the way. With the focus they had in that damn record, they could be stubborn as hell and they were facing enough risks as it were.

"You're hilarious. The great Bookman lineage, always standing aside, recording the history without actually taking part on it..." His black eyes gleamed in the direction of the old man. "Do you want to isolate yourselves from humanity? To not get involved, to let things take their " _natural_ " course? Don't be ridiculous..."

Samuel raised his shoulders, indicating that whatever answer the old man had to it, in the end, had no meaning whatsoever. Many of the people of that lineage had been in positions where they could have done something to help others and save innocent lives, yet they did nothing, letting those things happen and calling it "natural course" ...

Bookman could talk until his tongue rotted, but for Samuel, there was nothing natural about war, about those who burned others' house for no reason than their color or status, about people who were sent to concentration camps for no other reason that being born. No one should look at cities shattering under bombs, creating rivers of blood and tears and calling it "natural course".

He remembered something his father had told him when he was small and it had followed him through all his life: For evil to succeed, what it needed the most were people willing to look away and do nothing.

No, he and his friends didn't need that old idiot trying to constantly run away to get in contact (bad) or going back (worse) to the Order.

"You know, you can see other people as mere _ink in the paper_ , as you say so yourselves. And that only the great acts that change history are of any value... But those acts are not born overnight, they are often made slowly, forming a chain. And those people you call _ink._.. They have blood, they have flesh. They leave behind people that remember them as humans and who cry for their deaths. Even those whose deaths are a relief... They existed."

He gave his back to Bookman, turning to look at him from the door.

"You're the one who is going to die alone." He spoke lowly, more to himself than anyone else. "You're more unreal than all those historic figures..."

Their eyes crossed, knives against knives.

"Who is the ink now?"

**XxX**

"Only a little more and I guess they will be okay to travel." Elana had the best smile of the doctor she had been unable to become, being merely professional rather than trying to offer the comfort of a friend. And at least it was indeed what she hoped that would happen.

"The Innocence got rid of whatever it was inside him and Bookman seems to be quite better." She carried on, her eyes going to each of the Exorcists. The impression that had grown in those few days had been that they were kind people, but even so, Elana knew better than to trust first impressions alone.

"We... We'll try to keep in contact..." Krory hesitated, wanting to ignore the wish to stay, no matter how he knew it was not possible, at least not yet. For now, the better help they could offer would be from inside the Order. The spark in his eye didn't pass unnoticed to Alison... She knew the sound of lines breaking, each extremity starting a symphony of its own that at times managed to survive by themselves and in others, entered in conflict.

To her, it was a positive signal. It helped to know those people truly had more loyalty towards Allen than to the organization, at least enough to cause such conflict. Someone might reprimand her for having doubts after all that had happened, but Alison wasn't someone that would stop or deny her own nature and would much rather keep that flame of mistrust alive.

" _Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you._ " Lauren sometimes would say when jokingly accused each other of excessive caution. With time, this had become an inner joke of the group, thought its roots remained in seriousness.

"We too, should anything happen." Lauren promised, managing to sound friendlier than Elana, though she also had the same seeds of doubt reacting with other feelings. Those people didn't seem bad and honestly, at she had even enjoyed their company at a personal level, though it was somewhat weird to be in a such a large group when she had been used for so long with being a group of only five.

It had been easier to accept Allen too because he was like them, someone who couldn't go back to the Order and who had felt (and been) betrayed by it. Even Kanda had spent quite a time with them and had had to return merely by accident... With the others, it was another story completely.

Kanda interrupted her with a growl.

"Oi, only in extreme cases. I've told this to the baka Moyashi already." And he indicated Allen with his head, referring to when he had contacted him at night in the Order. If they were not more careful with it, it would all be lost and it wouldn't be of any help if they started to use that frequency all the time like a bunch of gossiping little girls. Allen rolled his eyes as if untouchable by such terms.

"It _was_ a serious matter and it's Allen, Bakanda."

Marie held back a chuckle with the usual exchange between them, where there was no real hostility and Elana shook her head with a smile, also already used to the way those two treated each other. She would have been able to say they were best friends, if she didn't know they would both deny it vehemently and Kanda would probably have threats to say.

Alison gestured with her head before shaking hands with the Exorcists, still with a reserved way and didn't break contact with any of them, even Lenalee.

"It was nice to meet you all…" Miranda said upon shaking hands with Samuel, who nodded. The woman had sensibility enough to see beyond the politeness and realize they didn't receive fully trust from those people and also knew she would have felt the same, were she on their side of the line.

"Take care of each other, alright?" He said, marked by seriousness. "They will be quite irritated."

No need to ask whom he was referring to. The Noah Clan wouldn't take well the whole ordeal. None of them needed to think much about it to reach the conclusion that all of them, especially the Millennium Earl, would be furious...

"Yes. You take care as well, okay?" Krory replied as Miranda shook hands with Raz, giving her a sweet smile. None of them had truly talked after what had happened in the chapel or about what Raz had confessed, but though her nerves still convulsed when in contact with the girl's skin, the image of her mixed with that of Road laughing in such way that it pushed the instinctive fear away a little. It was almost ironic, since the girl had confessed murder, but Miranda hadn't forgotten _how_ she had confessed it.

Raz said nothing, but a glimpse of gratefulness indicated to Miranda that she appreciated how the older woman hadn't told anyone and also the comfort she had offered back then.

Allen still accompanied them through the broken path in front of the house until a certain point. He wouldn't stay for long either as he had managed to talk a little in the town about circus, finding out that there was a traveling one in a city nearby, where he intended to go with Raz soon. It had been quite difficult to convince Johnny to stay with the others and meet later, but the man had finally accepted as he knew a little more about medical aid and had to be there should Lavi or Bookman's condition suddenly change. Though worried, Johnny had finally agreed.

Allen admitted this insistence had been more a source or warmth that annoyance. Even now he couldn't get completely used to the pleasant sensation that Johnny had, despite all, ran away from the Order and joined the Exiled.

" _And he really got into it."_ He reflected, thinking about how his friend had been excited working in the repair shop to help with the money, then talking about strategies to keep themselves hidden and steps of the travel...

The group, plus Allen, stopped at a certain distance from the house.

There was a dry silence, that dared to devour what it touched.

Miranda approached Allen, feeling her mouth like a desert before she dominated herself.

"We... We will see each other again..." She said, not truly wanting to make this a goodbye, as much as it was. Even knowing that he was alright, it didn't change how there was worry and regret even now.

"Of course we will!" Allen replied as if it was obvious. But none of them could feel the warmth of a promise to meet again. None of them could gather the shards of what had been broken, no matter if they held it so firmly that their hands bleed.

What is lost cannot be reclaimed.

Allen could still smile, but there was subtle difference that many wouldn't have noticed. It was an expression born more of politeness than emotional bonds.

Even Allen couldn't find inside himself a firmness in which to lean to and from which he could adjust his own heart. There had never been poison of hate or anger for those people, just that never-closing wound... Even after months it still bled as if it wouldn't stop. Time had covered it a little so he could ignore it, but that was it.

Now he didn't know what feel about those people he had called friends. He had wanted to keep calling them as such, but meeting them again had only revealed that he could not. There was no opium to make dormant the memory of being caged, of being alone, of drowning in darkness and scared...

They had abandoned him.

As much as he could understand their actions, it didn't mean there was no pain. And he couldn't pretend to himself or to then, such would be hypocrisy.

Not that he was forgetting the whole past. Their moments together, in which they had leaned on each other and being strength to each other were still alive in him, pulsating with a fire of their own and those were years of being together.

But did that mean the abandonment should be ignored? That the hurt should be put aside as something without value? He didn't want it, but the memories of happiness were now also marked by sadness.

He didn't know the answer to any of this.

"Allen..." Krory started, becoming quiet again for an instant. It wasn't that it was hard to apologize, it was knowing that they were nothing more than words that changed nothing. "I don't want to be the sort of people who hurts others, let alone my friends."

"Huh?" The Exorcist's words made Allen tilt his head to the side, vaguely confused and caught by surprise. Krory nodded to him, his dark eyes with a seriousness that was rarely seen on him unless he had his Innocence activated.

"If I was the sort of person who leaves his friend behind, then I was not a good person." The older one carried on and even if what he had to say could sound too sentimental, he couldn't care less, because it was the truth. Enough with the lies, be to himself or others. "You helped me when I was alone and when the time came, I didn't do the same. I had no intentions to hurt you, but I did, so my intentions are of no matter."

Allen decided it was better to keep himself quiet. A traitorous little voice in his mind made him wonder whether Krory was being sincere of if he was just saying all this to feel better. He hated himself for allowing such a thought, but couldn't help it.

"We know, Allen," Miranda's tone was low, but firm. "That we can't change the past, but we also know that what we did... It was awful".

"You have apologized already" Allen muttered. "I..."

"Yes, you said that you forgive us." Lenalee completed with a sigh. "But it's not enough. I mean..."

"We mean that we talked about it." Marie interrupted, to which Allen was somewhat surprised. Kanda, on his turn, remained abnormally quiet. That was surprisingly, as it didn't match his usual behavior in front of talks of this nature.

What Kanda would never reveal, not even under torture, was that he had been frankly pissed off with the other's behavior. He had said nothing, but there had been no need.

"You forgive us and we're grateful. But from now on, we want to do something to _deserve_ it." It wasn't only forgiveness. Upon neglecting Allen in the hour of need, they had neglected their friendship. It wasn't just his forgiveness they wanted to deserve, but also his friendship.

What they had done was serious. And they would treat it as such.

Allen just felt hollow inside, body forgetting any possible reaction, forgetting how to work. Was there any answer to this? A part of him still wanted to say something kind, something good, but his vocal chords refused to move and his mind couldn't weave the words.

"I... I don't know."

That's was all he could say. The only truth left.

The others nodded, aware they couldn't ask for more than this, as sad as they were. They could only thank that Allen had said that he didn't know, didn't know if this would work of if there was a chance. But it was better than words of despise or a complete refusal.

"Nothing can go back to how it was before." Miranda muttering, not taking her eyes away from Allen and holding her hands in front of her body, for there was a strong desire to hug him and she wanted to respect the time he needed. "But it's like Krory said. To go back to how it was before also means to go back being someone who abandons a friend. We don't want this."

"Even if it's all different... We still want to be your friends." Lenalee muttered.

Allen could only nod. Not in acceptance, not to indicate that he wanted their friendship back, merely that he accepted those words... He accepted their feelings.

"Well..." Krory mumbled, noticing Kanda's iron gaze. "Take care, Allen..."

The other managed to shrug.

"Of course, Krory! You know I prefer a calm life with no complications."

Kanda grunted something about Lavi's influence and his comments or then the exhibition of the _"usual lack of sense from the Moyashi."_

When the Exorcists walked away by the path back to town, Allen still observed them for a while, before giving his back. That emptiness hadn't been filled and he was still lost about what to feel regarding all that.

Things truly couldn't go back to how they were between them. There was no escape from consequences and some decisions haunt us forever... And trying to pretend such things never happened, that there never was hurt or neglect, it's just covering wounds that still bleed.

But that didn't mean something couldn't be born from those ashes, something perhaps stronger than before.

And that was alright.

* * *

**Wolf: C'mon, did anyone think I would actually kill Lavi off? His fans would tear me apart!**

**Lavi: You still hurt me like hell, you know.**

**Wolf: Blame the Noah and Fiidora, not me.**

**Lavi: You're the author!**

**Wolf: Details.**


	29. Act Twenty-Nine – Killing Instinct

_"Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are" –_ Soren Kierkegaard

It was after the Exorcists left, while the old man and redheaded rested, that Raz confessed about the recalled memory... And what she had done.

It came to her, when the silence dominated the room they were in, that if such thing had come to pass months ago, she might have never shared it with a single soul... Or more likely, she would have confessed to Allen and Allen alone... The girl didn't delay much in the idea. It made no difference to whom she would have told it months ago or if she would have at all. They weren't living in such times. They weren't in the past...

And yet, even so, _that part_ of the past _lived in her_.

She couldn't bring herself to look at any of them after telling about the murders. All she could do was to wonder how many people she had killed, how much more blood there was in her hands... And how could she ever have felt such pleasure from it.

What kind of creature was she?

She didn't know what reactions to expect either, remaining with her eyes turned to the ground. Although she had wanted to tell, refusing to have such secrets, it didn't make things at all easier.

The others heard her in that silence that carried on after the grotesque tale of blood. Samuel and Lauren exchanged glances briefly before looking at Raz again, none of them with an expression that could be evaluated with certainty.

Allen's mind was a vast white. At first, all he could do was to listen to how she spoke of Mana, but that last part had painted a violent and cruel portrait... He had _expected_ that there was something of this nature in her past, of course, but it was too different to know something through an idea and to learn it through a fact.

"Raz..." It was Elana who first spoke, seriousness scarring her soft features. The young girl lifted her face to the blonde.

The sound of a slap whipped the room.

Alison let out an exclamation of surprise and Lauren was unable to do anything other than look from Elana to Raz, shocked with the uncommon behavior of the other. For an instant, a cry of anger touched Allen's throat before he regained control of himself.

Raz, however, remained still, face to the side, the pale face growing pink and then red.

"I do not know if anyone _ever_ punished you for this, but I doubt it." Elana's voice was harsh. She never, _ever_ , had used such a tone with Raz before and the girl seemed to shiver more for this than due to the slap. "Then, I think this is even not much, considering also how you killed those people."

"Hey, Ela..." Lauren started carefully, being ignored.

"There is no changing what you have done... You know this."

Raz nodded, in silence.

"You just went and _killed_ those people, Raz. Something like that... You were... You were _cruel._ " That was to not use another word. "Do you think that, whatever the reason the Earl had, it justifies it? Didn't you stop to think, even for a second, that nothing they _might_ have done called for that?" Raz said nothing, unable to look at the other.

"I didn't think so." Elana whispered, coldly. "You didn't even care at the time, did you?" There was no need to say she had been just like the rest of the Clan, uncaring, feeling righteous in their killings, but that was all the reprimand, all the conflict Elana seemed to stand inflicting to the other, as a mother who cannot punish the child enough, as necessary as it is. Elana sighed.

There was silence for some moments. Allen couldn't help looking at her in anger, despite knowing she was right. Elana took a deep breath.

"I won't say it's alright. It's _not_. But... It doesn't mean we will stop liking you..."

Raz looked at her, some surprise escaping her stone-blue eyes... Allen frowned a little, as it wasn't quite what one expected to hear after a slap in the face, but he could understand Elana's point of view, as much as he didn't agree with the action. It wasn't as if they liking Raz _changed_ what she had done...

 _"She and the other Noah too..._ " And he caught himself thinking about Suman Dark, devoured by the Tease, in all who had died in that war. He remembered the first time he had ever met Road and cried out how humanity's demise couldn't ever be the will of God, but of the Devil. She had merely shrugged it off, for it didn't matter to her which was which as long as humans died... And the other Noah also had no issues with expressing the same sadism. Sheryl had confessed it while winking, as though this was all but a fun game.

Where did such hate come from?

To say it was alright would say that those lives had no value, that the pain caused didn't matter.

Raz remained in silence.

Johnny could only watch the scene without knowing what to say. He couldn't deny that with the passing of days, he had sort of grown _used_ to the Noah's presence, which had made him _almost_ forget what she was and what she could have done... The way she kept a human appearance was clearly a factor, it made it easier to dismiss that underneath the pale skin, there were ashes and black scars.

What she had told them seemed to have been done by someone else, in another life. Raz told them she had enjoyed that destruction, even when breaking apart a man's face beyond all possible recognition, however what waved from her wasn't something belonging to a sadistic person... Perhaps this was _still_ inside her, but it was strange.

Raz did not touch her face, but sustained the blonde's stare, her expression showing nothing but a strange serenity. Yet, coexistence made it so that Elana and the others felt the soft signals of what was going on inside her, the regret and the shame.

For a moment, Elana wondered what else lurked in Raz, remaining hidden even from herself. She wasn't sure she was dealing with the situation properly, but even with the pain Raz had felt with the memory and also the death of the other Noah, it didn't mean what she had done didn't deserve some sort of punishment... The friends of her victims surely would have wanted to do more than merely slap her, no doubt.

Alison stepped towards the Noah.

"You regret it... This counts for something." She mumbled, also without any idea of what to say. "It isn't like you want to _keep_ killing... I mean... Heck, _I don't know_."

Lauren sighed. Years ago, she had believed that murderers were undeserving of second chances and admitted that perhaps she was allowing her feelings to change her thoughts, but... Damn, it was _Raz._ She was obvious torn up by this, too… And, as Alison had said, this had to count for something, right?

"Personal defense, protecting your loved ones, it is one thing." She managed to say, admitting to herself, in a conscious way she had never done before, that should she meet a Finder or anyone who could and would denounce her friends, she couldn't say she wouldn't have killed the person if it was necessary. What Raz had done wasn't the same thing, not with those people having no Innocence or means to defend themselves, but...

"It is a war. You were on the other side." Samuel was firm, though this sounded quite weak on his ears. "You're not the same person of before." He only wished it was so simple.

" _Wars turn all of us into killers._ " The thought came and grew roots in his brain. Perhaps even the Earl had had reasons to send her and the other Noah to do that.

" _Yeah, like making akumas_?" He couldn't help the sarcastic thought, after all, it wasn't as if a reason would make things better.

Allen said nothing, merely placing his hand on her shoulder with a soft smile.

" _I don't want to ever feel something like this."_ The girl thought to herself, her muscles heavy wrapped by the skin, weariness spreading by her blood.

To some surprise of Raz, there weren't tense moments or different looks at her direction after this. No one knew what to say for sure, but they still reunited their things normally and ate together _,_ discussing where and when they could meet, the use of the new golems... The revelation of her acts, though shocking, hadn't poisoned her relationship as she had feared and, contrary to rejecting her, the others subtlety showed concern with how she would be reacting, not wanting that memory, the first she recalled with clarity, to become a plague in her mind.

They spent time like this until the following morning, when things were ready and she and Allen ready to leave. With traveling circus, it was better to hurry up, since Allen had just heard about a circus in a nearby town, but wasn't sure of their time of staying. Perhaps it was the same circus where he had grown up. If not, perhaps the people there knew about it. In a way or another, it worked as a clue.

Lavi and Bookman still needed a couple of days more until they could travel, so the others would remain using that house as a base until then. Both could only thank Allen once more for what he had done and ask him to be careful.

The old man showed no sort of opinion or feeling towards the presence of a Noah, but Lavi couldn't help his reaction of discomfort, despite her human appearance. There was no hurt or surprise in this, but the surprise was when he attempted to smile (though he could only force the face muscles into the position of one).

"I don't know how to thank you." He said, gaze going from the others to Allen. His green eye didn't seem at all how Allen recalled... There were scars behind it and a stiffness that didn't match his face... Somehow, through that eye, Allen could see some strange sort of oldness. An old eye in a young face.

He held Lavi's hand with his dark fingers. Lavi still stared at him, not blinking.

"I mean it, Allen... I... I owe you one…" There was something that tainted the gratitude, the touch, and it came from those scars. Allen held his friend's hand strongly, trying to transmit some warmth and risked a joke.

"Then never draw in my face when I sleep again."

To his relief, the sound that escaped Lavi's throat, while not a laughter, it was lighter in its nature than his voice had sounded until now and a brief, pale glint in his eye when he lifted his hands in gesture of innocence. His hair had grown in those months and fell over his shoulders in uneven strands.

"Oh, I can't promise that..."

Allen shook his head, pretending that there was no hope for his friend.

"You never learn…" And he turned to the others, pointing at Lavi with his thumb. "You heard him, take care. Lavi can be a big kid when he wants to."

Lavi just pushed him, as if playing around... But Allen felt the weakness of the gesture, more like something out of a poor play. His skin was slowly growing a healthier color and he seemed to be getting stronger. Allen had already seen him looking at the black marks in his arms, signals his Innocence had left upon evolving...

Lavi had not entered details of what he had felt. He couldn't find the path to enter the subject and neither if he wanted to speak of it for now. He kept it for himself for the time being, and even now, he felt comfort in that memory.

" _But I think I understood one thing about the Innocences... Something Allen always knew... Without knowing he did._ "

"Just try to not get yourself killed..." Lavi said when Allen was at the door and lifted a closed fist, trying to sound alright, trying to ignore the aching inside. _"_ And if this Fourteenth tries to cause problem, kick his ass."

"Well, I think that if I don't, you will end up forgetting you should be resting and chase me down just so you can strangle me."

"That's right." The other replied at once, knowing this was a hidden incentive, a way of Allen to ask him to recover, to not allow that darkness to devour him through his memory. There was a moment of silence in which their eyes touched and this communication passed through them, Lavi nodded.

Yes... Allen always said he would keep going. If they looked behind, they were lost.

While they left them and walked down the stairs, Allen felt a little better. At least Lavi had tried to react to the joke as he always did, though Allen could see it was something born more of instinct than true humor... For an instant, Allen remembered how he had nicknamed Link "Two Spots" and held a chuckle, imagining if he would end up giving some nickname to someone of the group...

It would be a signal of recover...

"Lavi seems strong…" Lauren commented, not being fooled by the other's attitude either, but rather referring to how Lavi wanted to get better, refusing to be chained to the Ark through memories. The girl shivered to think of what the Clan had done to him during his time at their mercy.

"Oh, that he is... I don't doubt he will recover sooner than you expect…" Physically, yes. Mentally, he didn't know. No one had pushed him for details and Lavi didn't ever touch the subject, as it was expected. Allen had no idea if this could help him or not and from what he could see, neither did the others.

"Remember when I told you guys about the Battles in the White Ark?" Allen mentioned. "He was able to wake up from Road's Dream!"

They stopped at the door, sunlight falling over them with the promise of a nice day. They knew it would be faster if Allen and Raz went by themselves, but it didn't make the separation any easier. Last time, it had been a little before Allen going over to Mother's... A long time had passed since then...

To Allen, the idea of going after the circus where he had met Mana wasn't at all like visiting Mother. And the sensation it caused wasn't at similar, either. And though her motives weren't the same, Raz wasn't in a better state of mood.

"We will see each other again soon, right?" Johnny asked, not hiding his anxiety. He hated the idea of leaving them to go there by themselves, once he had sworn that he would never leave Allen again, but the boy had insisted too much that he stayed to help with Lavi and Bookman (both could feel more at ease with someone they knew around). Johnny had accepted it, but wasn't happy about it.

"Of course, it is just..." Allen shrugged. "You know, _we need_ to do this."

"Call us, always!" Samuel said again with his deep voice, messing Allen's hair. Once they had the golems, they could at least get in contact and worry a little less. However, they couldn't forget that among them, Allen and Raz were the ones being most targeted. He had warned the Exorcists how the Clan would be furious and couldn't imagine the reactions towards Allen and Raz... With the Clan, one never knew what to expect. "Good luck..."

Allen gave a weak smile, a sort of guilt in his eyes that transmitted more than words. Luck seemed to be something he never had and, taking notice of this gazer, Lauren held a giggle and shook her head.

"Take care of Allen, okay Raz?" She hugged the Noah. "His "luck" is a trouble-magnet."

"Hey!"

"And you take care of her." Lauren winked, going to hug the boy, who couldn't suppress a chuckle as he petted her head. A part of him couldn't help but to compare how different it was saying goodbye to them was from saying so to Lenalee and the others...

It was just the situation as his feelings on the matter. He didn't want to think much about it, but there was no way to block the fact. Grudge took no part of it, but the differences between such scenes empathized how things had changed...

He had told Lenalee he would always be an Exorcist, but...

He didn't feel like that anymore.

A warmth brought him back to reality when Elana hugged him. He would have felt embarrassed if he admitted it out loud, but he enjoyed when she did so... There was such a pleasant feeling that had nothing to do with body temperature and if allowed so, he would have probably remained like this for a while more...

There was something maternal in that embrace, something he had never known in his life.

"Take care, okay?" She whispered before backing away just enough so they could look at each other, the boy having to lift his face to do so. "At least try to not look for trouble..."

"I never search for trouble! _It_ searches for me!" Allen couldn't help the reply, earning some laughs as Elana shook her head in the way of someone who is before a lost cause, then turning to Raz, embracing her as well, whispering at her ear.

"Just do your best... You're better than you were before."

**XxX**

The door appeared as if blossoming from particles in the air, taking the shape of a heart with a golden frame that culminated in a crown at the top. Such details, as well as the black and red crosslinked, frequently made Tyki think about " _Alice in Wonderland_ " and he wouldn't have been surprised if the inspiration had come from it.

As soon as the door opened, Sheryl jumped even before the little figure came out, the face adorned by a smile that could appear due to a fun game as much as due to th _e_ screams of someone being broken apart like a doll.

"Hello! Did you miss me?"

No one had time to reply, as Sheryl hugged the girl, lifting her in his arms, cooing paternally how he had missed his " _little girl_ " and asking if Road truly felt alright and how happy he was to see her.

The Noah of Dreams made no effort to get free from the embrace, perhaps aware of how useless it would be and just smiled.

"Oh, I'm fine, daddy!" She said in a soft tone that always melted Sheryl and turned to the others.

"Good to have you back, Road." Tyki greeted her before approaching and messing her dark hair, then lifting a cigarette, as if she had just left for a couple of days. Though his relief upon having her back was as strong as Sheryl's, he and the others had a better self-control... Or, in some cases, were more restrained in their demonstrations of affection.

What they felt was no different than that of a family whose member just woke from a long comatose.

"I say it, perhaps now your " _daddy_ " will stop driving us nuts..." Devit mocked, nodding in a solemn way, the effect ruined by how his brother giggled and repeated " _nutsy-nutsy_ " in a sing-song way. Sheryl ignored them, still holding Road in his lap. The girl just tilted her head to the twins with an "oh?" expression.

"Hee, it was every day!" Jasdero confirmed, fighting to keep a serious expression and having less success than Devit. "We couldn't stand it anymore, hee!"

"You guys grew your hair!" Road noted with some admiration in her voice, also ignoring the teasing. Devit rolled his eyes while Jasdero held his head proudly, his hair falling on his back. Road, on another hand, boasted no changes in her appearance. The time she spent in her Dream didn't affect her body and Tyki couldn't help but to admire how she looked the same as when she had disappeared back in the night when they had rescued Walker...

Devit and Jasdero, despite their comments, had their faces shining with satisfaction at having her back.

"Eaarl~!" Road suddenly got free from Sheryl and with moves that would have shamed a cat, threw herself against the Patriarch's neck in a strong hug, laughing. The man was not bothered by the display, quite the contrary, and returned the embrace with the same intensity, holding her in his strong arms with the same easiness he would do with a doll, caressing her hair.

"Sooo, what have I missed in those months?" She looked at him and then to the others, a hungry glint in her golden eyes.

Tyki sighed to himself. This wouldn't at all be easy... Wisely, however, chuckled before her question.

"Road… A lot has happened…" The Earl said gently, to which Road turned to him with a cold curiosity coming alive in her eyes as she took note of the Earl's tone and the feelings underneath it, even if her smile shivered when she turned from him to the others expecting the details as a prey bird waiting for an animal to die.

She didn't have to even ask.

"Oh, geez, let's see... Our prisoners were " _rescued_ ", the Innocence of one of them burned Fiidora's worms..." Devit started sarcastically, soon receiving a cold glare from Lulubell and Toraido, which he ignored. There was no real humor in his expression and the room grew cold, denouncing a fury that, while intense, was patient enough to wait the propitious moment to take action.

Tyki could see in Road's eyes that she was already having ideas of how to play with the responsible ones.

"Raziah is alive, Road." Wisely cut in.

Road turned to him, her anger forgotten in favor of surprise.

There was a moment of silence, in which some of the others' curiosity was teased. They had no idea of how Road would take to it.

"What did you just _say_?"

"Raziah is alive." Wisely carried on, not giving a hint of emotion. "And she is traveling with Walker."

**XxX**

Raz was waiting by the path leading outside of the town while Allen was in an old-looking store, asking for specific directions. She had preferred to wait sitting in a rock at some distance, reflecting briefly that this wasn't a busy road... Up until now, she had seen just a cart passing by.

This notion was a mere blink, her mind turning back to what she had remembered with the care of someone entering a field where flowers hid traps... It wasn't only the slaughter that took her mind, but also the conversation with Mana and Neah. Perhaps it was because it was the first real memory to emerge and, for this, it was surrounded by a fragile and sweet sheet, a secret of crystal.

But it wasn't only this and the girl was well aware.

" _We planned to travel together..._ "

It had been a promise, _their promise_ , something precious between them. It was _theirs_. An idea of a future where this would be possible. Not in travels motivated by missions, not with the roads ending in blood, but just traveling and exploring...

She recalled Neah kidding and calling his brother "Walker" in reply to the other expressing how he would like to travel even if by foot... A dry chuckle was born in her body, being shattered by other sensations and dying before it was born.

" _And he used that name…_ " Somehow, though this was her only memory of Mana, there was some comfort in this. Perhaps he had tried to keep some connection with those days, even if they belonged in a gray past, perhaps they still had some value to him...?

And Neah?

Raz felt a shiver in her blood echoing in her nerves.

She couldn't _understand_. All that she knew was that she had felt a great care for the Campbell twins. This was a feeling that had never been forgotten, it had just nestled itself in the ashes of memories as it waited for the ideal circumstances to reveal itself. She knew it in her soul, as a baby knows its mother even with just few months of age, that they had been _best friends_ , always together and... And...

And Neah had killed the family...

Had tried to kill _her_...

Had... Had it been something they had done? Or... Or had he tried to kill her for some other motive?

Had _she_ done something?

The promise they had was no longer worthy anything to him?

Had Neah... Had he hated her so much to the point of wanting her dead?

Raz watched the clear skies for a second. There was sun, but the warmth no longer reached her.

Neah was dead. Mana was dead.

Underneath her skin, fragments of glass shards ran through her blood, hitting her veins and arteries, tearing apart organs in the way. The faces of Mana and Neah mixed with those of people she had murdered, the voices of Alyera and Luston echoing in her skull along with cries of pain...

Mana and Neah... Had they known of this? Oh, what a silly question. They were there, with the Clan, of course they knew what had happened. Had they loved her even so? Didn't' they care for what she did?

The thought twisted her stomach. _She_ hadn't cared, after all...

" _Mana... Neah…_ " The mourning was only inside her, along with all the things she couldn't escape from. Her mind repeated the names, as a charm, as a prayer.

 _Tsumetai namida wo tataete –_ When you are overflown with cold tears  
_Toki ga michiru koro –_ And when the time is up  
_Anata wa hikari wo sagashite –_ You will probably have sought the light  
_Yami wo hiraku darou –_ And shattered the darkness

The song came as naturally as a heartbeat. She had no idea if it was born now of if she had known it before, but accepted it anyway, just as so many other things. She hugged her legs, making herself smaller.

Why was the sun shinning?

It was cold.

Neah had been composing something that night... It wasn't " _Tsunaida Te Ni Kiss Wo_ ", this she knew. Had he finished it? How many days they had had together until it all had shattered?

Had Neah already been planning to kill them that night? Had Mana been aware? Behind the smiles of that night, had they despised her?

Had they ever seen the snowdrops in their garden?

" _Neah is inside Allen…"_ There was no controlling the thought... Like the question made by instinct and not words if there was any light that could be searched by a Noah.

Yes, Neah was inside Allen...

But it was not the same thing.

 _Akane no utagoe –_ The scarlet singing voice  
_Sono mune wo somete yuku –_ Slowly dyes your chest the same color  
_Eien ni kogarete –_ As if it is an eternal yearning  
_Chiriisogu shirabe no you ni –_ And swiftly dispersing the melody

Mana was dead.

Alyera was dead. Luston, too.

Neah was _dead._

Their promise was shattered, reduced to nothing.

" _You killed people, hurt families.._."

Wasn't there a certain justice that it had happened to her family, then?

The skin in her hands recalled the touch of blood, the face she had touched briefly before willing her shadows to break it apart. And for an instant during which reason slipped away, Raz could almost feel that red drops were impregnated in her skin, as a red curse.

Disgusting.

She was disgusting.

Like Allen, she didn't know what had happened or how Neah had come to possess the boy, but none of those answers would change how he… He wasn't supposed to be in this world anymore…

No matter how much she wished she could see him or Mana again...

Even if just for a moment...

Neah...

He had no right to do this to Allen.

He had no right to steal his life, as it seemed to be his intention. In that moment Raz knew she would remain at the white-haired boy's side, even if it come down to stand against the one who was… Who _had been_ had been her best friend.

Neah had been her brother as much as Allen was now.

Neah was dead. Allen was alive...

Cold fingers played the chords of her interior, which contracted in response.

 _Kagayaku sora no shijima ni wa –_ In the stillness of the shining sky  
_Watashi no niwa ga aru –_ Is my backyard garden  
_Itsuka anata ga tadoritsuku –_ And someday, you will finally reach  
_Migiwa no kanata ni –_ The other side of the shore

The verses tasted of irony. There was no garden to be found and whatever shine there could be beyond the sky was out of her reach... And what happened, when Noah died? The power and instincts awakened in someone else, of course, but what about _them_?

Images of blood danced in her eyes with mockery and Raz could hear the echo of laughter... And she felt as the damned creature the Order believed her kind to be. What if she missed that sensation? What if she still _liked_ it?

" _Please, I don't want to be a monster..._ "

But there was a whisper in her. A low whisper, whose words weren't clear, only the meaning. Raz had been able to ignore, had slowly became able to restrain the desire that had been born in the night she had been able to tear Apocryphos' feathers from Allen's arm...

That _was_ the desire to spill blood. To turn to anyone who was touched by Innocence and tear the skin apart, expose the nerves and...

" _Please, no..."_

She had been able to control that. Yet the whisper had been present, had always been there, just pulsating with more strength in some moments rather than others...

Now it was more than a whisper...

She didn't want to be a monster.

But she didn't know what she truly was either.

 _Tsuki wo mamoru yoru no yami ga –_ The night's darkness, while guarding the moon  
_Sasayaku komuriuta –_ Whispers along a lullaby on and on  
_Nakanai kodomo no hitimi ga –_ Until the eyes of the children  
_Yume ni nureru made –_ Who no longer cry, become soaked in dreams

There weren't no more songs.

No more gardens.

Her night had grown silent, when it wasn't filled by whispers of bones moving and in both, she was small and alone...

Why had all of this happened? How had it come to this?

From instinct, along with that ever-bleeding wound, came the knowledge that Neah's actions were unprecedented... Perhaps, taking in account how they killed without a care, this was something others would consider ironic, but that was the true: _Never_ before a Noah had tried to hurt, let alone kill, another Noah.

Alyera blushing gently. Lustol concentrated in his experiments. She would never see them again. She would never hear their voices again. She tried to hold on to the image of their faces, the sound of their voices, suddenly fearing they would fade.

Had they had the chance to speak to each other, to spend some time more together, before Neah killed them?

_"The people you killed had such a chance?"_

_Sayonara –_ Farewell  
_Nidoto wa aenai anata dakara –_ Since I will never see you again  
_Itoshiku kuruoshiku –_ I feel like my chest is being hollowed out  
_Yoru wa mune wo eguru you ni –_ By the nigh, deadly and madly

She felt something biting behind her eyes as a shiver crawled up her throat. Her nails went against the fabric of her pants, the pressure reaching the flesh of her legs.

" _I'm the only one left..._ "

Of the three, only she was traveling... Only she was exploring the world, even if the motivations were not those she, Mana and Neah had desired.

Her whispered voice failed her for a moment and the tone died a little more until it became less that a breeze that only her could hear when she hid her face in her knees.

 _Kagayaku sora no shijima ni wa –_ In the stillness of the shining sky  
_Anata no ie ga aru –_ Is your home of return  
_Tsuki no ochiru yami no mukou –_ Beyond the darkness where the moon sinks  
_Minamoto e kaeru –_ Is the narrow path that leads you  
_Hosoimichi –_ Back to the beginning

"Raz?"

Her face lifted with surprise, as she hadn't noticed Allen approaching, his head inclined to the side in an attempt to see her face, his features marked by such a sincere worry that she couldn't react for a moment, just leaning her chin in her knees, face half hidden by her arms.

"Hey..." The boy muttered, his hand landing in her shoulder. The gentleness of his touch seemed to bring reality back to her senses. "What are you thinking about?"

Such a direct question, Allen knew perfectly, would have been useless if made by someone else. It wasn't in Raz to externalize what happened inside her. Asking about it would probably only work to make her retract to herself even more... However, Allen already knew it wasn't the same with him.

The girl turned to him. Someone passing by would only see that untouched serenity, maybe only vaguely melancholic... Allen saw her eyes, her position, the subtlety of her lips and thought it was cruel that she was beautiful in her grief.

"Mana. And Neah... And everything else…" Her whisper made Allen hesitate. He hadn't personally spoke to her about this yet. He couldn't help some excitement of perhaps knowing a little more about his father, as Mana had never talked of his life previously to their meeting and, as many children, Allen had almost always seen Mana as someone who had always been an adult, always a traveling pierrot... And in the few times Mana mentioned some past, it was always regarding this lifestyle, which only strengthened such childish impression.

Allen hadn't even known he had a brother until Cross had told him.

On another hand, he felt bad about this. It wasn't pleasant for her and this was all that mattered. His hand caressed her shoulder, trying to sooth her.

"I'm here with you…" He said in a low tone, then holding her hand. Raz turned to him once more, slipping off the stone, the anklet Allen had given her ringing briefly when she stood at his side. She looked at him for a moment, before both took the road, the sun still unable to touch either of them.

"Look, Raz, it is like Elana said. I don't know if anyone has the answers for this, but you _don't_ want to kill anymore." It didn't mean much when they were in this long play where blood danced, this he knew. He also had his own memories regarding what he knew of the Noah's bloodlust. "I agree, it doesn't mean things are just _alright_ , but you know this... You are someone different now."

He wanted to say something that would make her feel better, but he knew he couldn't do so while casting aside what she had done. To dismiss it would have been unfair and cruel to those she had killed and he knew Raz had no interest in comforting words that were also unreal. Allen could see the self-loathing that was in her, a putrid flower taking hold of her organs.

Perhaps Allen was being selfish, but he didn't want to see her like that, whatever the reasons she or the Earl had had in the past.

Raz wasn't at all convinced and had nothing to say, but she was thankful for his honesty, as she had been for Elana's.

For some seconds, she remained in silence until she whispered.

"I wonder why Neah wanted to kill us…"

Allen considered, truly _wanted_ , to tell her what Road had confided in him so many months ago: That Neah had fought for Mana. What stopped the words from forming was what the girl had whispered before retracting herself to her dimension, that this was a secret... And as such, Allen didn't feel in the right to repeat it. Not that those words held much meaning for him...

Besides, for what Raz had told him, Mana had been accepted by the Clan, despite being human.

He was as confused as she was.

"Me too, Raz, me too..." Despite this, the Earl didn't seem to hate Neah. Even when Johnny had cried out why he acted in such way when the Fourteenth had tried to kill him, the Noah Patriarch's reply had been that he just wanted to be with the Fourteenth.

Now Allen had to admit he admired this, in some way. He had no idea how the other Noah felt, but to see that the Earl still seemed to care for Neah despite everything, even though he _was_ a traitor...

That was the love of a family...

"It was Neah who started to call him Walker?" He couldn't refrain the question in a soft tone. Raz nodded once more.

"Yes... It was... It was a joke between us." She shrugged one shoulder and some softness returned to her manners. "Mana... Mana always said he wanted to travel, even if by walking... Neah laughed. I mean, we all wanted to travel together. Neah called him Walker and the name caught on…" She didn't know if this had been just between them or if it was the same for the others, or even if they had known about it. She had the impression they had...

"You were close friends." He whispered, starting to imagine how the days they had spent together had been. There was something pleasant to know Raz had been friends with his father, that she had been close to him. "Well... Mana traveled. I don't know for how long, but he did..."

The path cut the field ahead them, a pale snake lazily sleeping among the green and Allen turned to the girl with some cheerfulness.

"And now, we're traveling. Together."

"Together..." She whispered back. Allen was satisfied to see the opaque veil had retracted a bit from her expression when she asked. "Is the next city too far?"

"More or less... The store's owner told me there are a couple of crossroads in the way, but we only have to follow until a certain point, then turn right. We should be there by nightfall if we keep firm pace..." He looked at the small map the man had scribbled in a paper by his request (Allen was aware that Road had had good reason to ask if he had to get lost everywhere he went, as his sense of direction wasn't quite the best), without truly studying it. "Or if we get luck and a cart or something passes by, we could try asking for a ride."

"Do you think it is the circus you know?"

Allen took some seconds to reply, folding the map and placing it in his pocket.

"I don't know. But maybe... If it isn't, maybe they know where they are." Perhaps some employee knew it by name, maybe they knew the other's route (he was too young back then to know details of it, but didn't logic warrant that it was in each troupe's interest that they stayed out of each other's way?). He could only hope that they could get at least some info, as he didn't recall all the places where the circus tended to stay clearly. He was a child and the cities back them had nothing that made them stand apart, once nothing in them altered how he was seen or treated.

And it wasn't as if he had been allowed to walk around them anyway.

"Tell me about Mana?" She asked mildly.

"I thought I had told you everything...?" He smiled to her question, remembering how inexpressive she had been in the first weeks they had known each other, as if some part of her had forgotten how to express (or perhaps even how to feel) emotions.

Looking at her, Allen knew no one would see the difference. It was either that cold serenity or a complete lack of expression that made her seem a creature that could only dress as human, never able to fully mimic one...

But he knew it better, knew _her_ better.

Seeing that curiosity in her, which had a sort of innocence to it, Allen couldn't help but to feel some sort of warmth from the knowledge that Raz felt at ease to express herself like this to him. After their time together, he had also seen her slowly coming to trust the other Exiled, which had helped him to understand how this particular trait of her was.

Now that Allen thought about it, there was some vulnerability to allow someone to your feelings like this, as if exposing your heart to be touched...

She _trusted_ him. Like _he_ trusted _her._

"Only that he was your father and you traveled together. And a little about how you made street performances." Until Mana had died and the Earl had approached Allen. For a moment, the girl wondered if the Earl had known that it was _Mana_ that night... She remembered Father Mana, who she had met in the same city as the Exiled. Maybe the Earl hadn't realized, after all, it wasn't as if "Mana" was an absolutely uncommon name, right?

 _"And he used the name Mana Walker. It is so obvious that it is perfect."_ Perhaps the Earl hadn't even stopped to think, to connect the points. So many things can pass by unnoticed when out of context that Raz wouldn't be surprised.

"Well... During the first performances, I was quite tense, I told you this, right?" Allen started, to which Raz nodded. "Mana helped me, he taught me how to juggle, to play flute... It took me a while to get used to it... The first time... Oh, boy, I was so _tense_! You wouldn't believe it!" He smiled at the memories.

"But I passed around the people, holding out a hat and when I saw the smiles and received some coins, I felt so good! I had never done something like this and yet, I was being _recognized_! Not because _of my arm,_ but because of something good." It had been the first time such a thing happened to him and for a moment, Allen hadn't known how to react. Raz didn't need him to describe the nervousness in itself, as she had felt something quite similar when first performing with him.

"Mana must have thought this was lovely." She muttered as she thought about the boy, and wasn't at all surprised when he confirmed.

"Oh, he did. At times I argued with him because of this... Because he had got in his head that I had to be a _cute little clown."_ Allen laughed, recalling those days in which he knew nothing, Mana smiling and playing with him, even when Allen reacted in a skittish way. "I would get so angry, I mean, _cute_? But he would just laugh it off, even when I ranted."

Raz could barely held a laugh of her own. It was a little weird to imagine Allen, always so polite, getting angry as any child who wanted to be seen as tough and expressing himself in such a way. It was somewhat adorable as well... And she could imagine Mana, messing his hair and fussing over him... She was almost sure this was how he would react, especially taking in Allen's description.

"It used to drive me insane. And he would just carry on, saying that was such a " _cute little one",_ picking me up, even when I struggled." The reaction wasn't born of displeasure, it was just he didn't know what to do. No one had ever picked him up like this and the only reaction possible was that of a street dog that was used more to be kicked than caressed.

"Mana was very gentle, Allen." This she knew. That only memory, someone might say, was not enough to cover affirmations like this and yet, Raz _felt_ it, with no need to recall more moments with Mana. "He rarely lost his temper..."

"That is true... You know, I couldn't ever stop being surprised how he never... You know, got angry with me." It wasn't quite what he had been about to say and Raz saw it.

"He had short hair when I met him." He added quickly to change matters, recalling how Raz had described Mana with long hair. "Well, it was easier to use the clown wig, I guess. You know that button I got from the Earl? His coat had the same ones, with that mark... I..."

Suddenly, Allen stopped talking.

They had reached a crossroad. Eyes had found each other.

There was a man there.

Short and dark hair. Black clothes. In his wrists, there were bracelets with a pattern in relief.

It was Chaozii Han.

For some instances, nothing happened. Time tends to stop in such occasions, several paths opening and then closing when a movement is made. The Exorcist looked as surprised as Allen, neither of them having imagined to meet in such ordinary circumstances.

Then, the flesh of Chaozii's face twisted in hate.

It overflew from his eyes. Allen lifted his hands in a gesture that would have been of calm at the same instant, feeling Raz tensing up at his side, but without making any sudden movements either.

"Chaozii..." He started, but the other's Innocence came alive as he trembled. Allen hurried up. "Wait, I don't want to fight..."

It shouldn't be something the other had expected to hear (if he _had_ expected anything of a possible reencounter), but perhaps he was evaluating the situation, for he didn't attack immediately, staring at Allen in silence. His bracelets emitted an almost white fire.

"Please, listen to me!" The boy continued, unsure of what to say or how to proceed, forcing his voice to work. Kanda and the others had told him, at least enough, of what happened in the Order... And the idea once more strangled his organs. "I know what you must be thinking, but I swear, I _didn't._.."

"You damn traitor..." The other spit the words with despise, as if talking to a filthy creature that would make its home in corpses. Allen swallowed hard, feeling as if he had been punched.

"Chaozii, _please_ , I did not _..._ "

There was a lightening.

An intense burning in his jaw.

He tasted dirt.

Chaozii had ran towards Allen. Raz was at once at his side, her eyes on Chaozii with unimaginable coldness. Allen held her wrist in a signal, half sitting as his face pulsated with pain. Chaozii had barely missed a spot that would have rendered him unconscious, but he still felt his brain trembling inside the skull.

He didn't want to hurt Chaozii, didn't want to fight him.

Raz gave him a worried look, to which he shook his head briefly, even if he also had no idea of what to do. But he knew Raz also didn't want to attack, didn't want to fight, not after what had happened.

" _Listen_ to me! I didn't kill Link! I didn't betr..."

Chaozii stepped forward, muscles hardened underneath skin, features made of iron. And Allen knew he wasn't _seeing_ him...

He saw only a Noah. Only a traitor.

Just like the Order had classified him.

"Chaozii, _wait_!" He kept eye contact, hoping, desperate for the man to listen. He didn't know if it was this or his tone, but somehow, the Exorcist didn't attack.

" _Don't blink. He kills you. That's what he wants."_

"Why should I?" Chaozii growled between teeth. "You're a fucking _Noah._ "

"I am _not_ , otherwise your Innocence would have hurt me more!" He talked back, the pain was due to the physical blow, not the Innocence, Chaozii must have noticed this. Allen took off his white glove, revealing his arm, the cross nestled in his skin shining as a proof.

He stood up carefully, fearing that sudden movements would provoke a new attack.

"Please, believe me..."

The other's eye shivered before the arm marked by Innocence and Allen thought that maybe... Maybe...

"A Noah who uses Innocence?" He whispered to himself. Before Allen could reply, Chaozii shook his head, his eyes on his with renewed loathing. "Bastard... _You killed Link_!"

"It wasn't me! I..."

"You're not even human! You're a Noah! A _traitor_!" Chaozii growled back, his voice rising.

And Allen knew he wouldn't ever be able to convince him otherwise.

Chaozii lunged.

Raz and Allen jumped, but the boy was the target. Chaozii maybe hadn't even noticed the girl's presence. An explosion ran inside Allen when a fist found his stomach, organs hitting bones. Allen managed to land in his hands and feet, avoiding a bad fall.

" _Damn, what do I do?_ "

He didn't want to fight, but if he hesitated... Energy crossed his nerves, the arm changing. He didn't think it would be of much help, Innocences weren't made to fight other Innocences.

Chaozii came to him, Allen got ready...

There was a cracking sound.

The Exorcist panted, black whips holding brusquely his wrists and ankles.

Raz needed to concentrate, she felt his strength, she felt his _Innocence_. It was like holding a poisonous, furious bull. Chaozii snarled, but didn't waste more than a glance at her, turning to Allen again.

"I'll _kill_ you, traitor!" It wasn't a threat, it as a promise. "You allied yourself with them! THEY, WHO KILLED MISS ANITA! EVERYONE IN THE SHIP! YOU JOINED THEM, YOU _DEMON_!"

"I didn't join the Noah!" Allen growled back. "And I didn't kill anyone, I was attacked..."

Chaozii was past listening. Blind and deaf by rage. Twisting his wrist, he managed to take a hold of one of the whips. There was a sensation of shock in their nerve-endings, opposite matters colliding. The man didn't waste time to feel, turning to Raz as if only now seeing her.

He noted the reaction, shadows and his Innocence. This time it was Raz who kept the dance of gazes.

With a violent gesture, the Exorcist ripped the whip. His Innocence ran through them, breaking the others. Raz stepped back, the echo of the Innocence in her nerves. She groaned in pain.

Chaozii turned. His fist aimed at Allen...

The sound echoed around.

Their eyes stared at each other, for a moment.

Raz had jumped, feline-like, getting in his way and blocking his right fist with a darkness-covered arm. Moved by instinct, his left fist followed in a second. Raz's body folded, hit in the thorax. Innocence flown inside her, burning what it touched.

Still, she landed in her feet, in a bowing position, fighting for air. Blood slithered in fine lines down her chin.

Chaozii stepped back a little. Allen was at Raz's side, fury finding birth in him. He reached out to her back, a call in his throat... And his voice died.

Raz's shadow waved in the ground. And Allen knew that the shivering that hit her body hadn't much to do with the _physical_ blow.

Knowing her as he did, he felt there was something... Something _wrong_.

And he remembered the Earl's words.

He had been slipping inside himself, but he had heard it...

" _Noahs can never forget the hate for Innocence.._."

Raz stood right. Her blood dripped on the ground.

"You..." Chaozii whispered, not hiding the suspicion in front of the reaction. If she was affected, the sensation of touching her, those shadows... His eyes went to Allen, a smile that was more a grimace twisting him. "If you are not a traitor, _Allen Walker_ , what are you doing with a _Noah_?"

The whisper in the girl's soul was turning into a meaning, its touch spreading inside her body in spider's paws.

" _Don't... Forgive.._."

The white of her skin died, revealing dead ashes.

_"Don't forgive..."_

The grey-blue eyes became gold.

" _NEVER FORGIVE INNOCENCE!_ "

Black stigmas tore her forehead apart.

"Raz..." Allen called slowly. Her eyes slithered to him for a moment, their attention back to Chaozii soon. They had trained together, but Allen always held back with Crown Clown. The only times there had been such direct touch with Innocence had been when she had ripped Apocryphos' feathers and later when the creature had attacked, but this...

" _YOU SON OF A BITCH!_ " Chaozii yelled, not caring if he couldn't hit Allen with his Innocence, just wanting to break him, to do it with his bare hands, to rip that false skin away and expose the Noah for what he truly was...

Raz _smiled._

Darkness embraced Allen, gently pulling him behind.

Both crossed in the air. Chaozii started a series of hits. The Noah, uncaring, dodged and avoided his fists until standing in a jump. His body was thrown backwards when her foot hit his face.

She was fast.

He threw himself against her. This time, when she blocked his attack, arm again covered in shadows, he managed to hold her wrist, twisting her arm in the air. Her body followed the movement, avoiding a broken bone. Tossing her over him, Chaozii let go, punching her body against the air.

"RAZ!" Allen cried out and suddenly, he _did want_ to hit Chaozii.

The girl leaned in hands and feet upon falling, before charging again. There was no change in her face. Chaozii got ready in the last minute, attacking. Black needles were around her, cutting air.

" _What... What am I... Doing?_ "

The Exorcist crossed his arms, his Innocence spreading in defense of vital points. Still, drops of blood flew when shadows scratched his arms and legs. He didn't seem to care, his eyes burning with hate.

" _Why I... Can't... Can't I stop?"_

Her body moved. It blocked when the man attacked, alternating between physical attacks and calling upon darkness, trying to pierce his flesh.

Chaozii grabbed her throat.

Pressure increased by Innocence, there was no air. The pharynx trembled... Darkness held his legs, tossing him to the air, ripping apart what it touched.

The Exorcist cut her with a hit of his Innocence. Allen remembered Tyki cutting Tokusa's arms with ease. Chaozii tried to hit, Raz twisted in the air and blocked with a kick. Innocence and darkness bit each other.

"Raz!" He called when she landed on feet and hands a little ahead of him, after a punch that had nearly hit her heart. The girl didn't look at him.

Her features were soft.

"It's alright, Allen…" She said with absent serenity.

Shadows ran to Chaozii as demons. The man sliced the air, but they weren't solid yet and covered his senses. He groaned, grabbing one of those things when they touched his skin... His nerves cried out in repulse. And the Noah, in front of him, stared at him before kicking his face again.

He felt blood slithering down the left side of his face. Darkness compressed his body, small thorns biting. Muscles hardening, he invoked the strength of his Innocence, pressing back until the black cocoon cracked.

His arms were aflame with Innocence.

The Noah watched. She looked as calm as if she wasn't there at all. Shadows moved at her feet, a living and hungry curse.

But it wasn't _her_ who he wanted. It was the other Noah, who remained in human shape... And he ran straight, aiming, flames in his wrists growing...

"DIE, TRAITOR!"

It all happened too fast.

A sound of whipping.

Flesh against flesh.

The grey hand had collided against Chaozii's throat, making his body shake with a spasm.

Veins of darkness escaped her fingers and scratched his skin as serpent hatchlings. She had run to stand in front of Allen at the last moment.

Chaozii tried to reach to her. Black, oily straps came against his forearms, wrapping around them and pulling back towards the ground, almost testing the limit of his bones while keeping away from the Innocence.

There was silence.

Raz tilted her head to the side, black snakes slithering on her shoulders lovingly.

"Want me to rip your skin off?" She whispered almost sweetly. Lines went up his face in the manner of veins, touching his eyelids, making Chaozii shake his head without success as they played in his ears, teasing the flesh... His fingers flexed briefly, shadows coming up his neck, touching the flesh…

"Raz, _no_!"

Raz blinked and turned to Allen, who held her arm. For a brief instant of dread, he thought she was beyond his reach. She tilted her head.

"What do you mean, _no_? Why _not_?" She asked in a muttering that could be either indignant or confused.

Allen's heart was still out of rhythm and he swallowed.

"Just let him go..." It wasn't a plea, nor was it an order. He couldn't lie and say it didn't matter, be to her or himself. But this didn't mean he wanted to see Chaozii _dead._

And also, because he knew how it would haunt _her_ later.

She still stared at him for a moment. Allen nodded. Upon turning to Chaozii, her golden eyes were frozen with hatred and she approached her face to his, almost touching him.

"You live..." Her whisper was made ice. "Because _he_ wants so."

The man had no means to reply with the throat being held. Yet, there was response enough in his eyes. Raz saw this, the veins of darkness increasing their touch. Chaozii felt like biting his lower lip.

"After today, each damn breath, each beat of this worthless heart of yours, you owe it to _him._.."

The Noah released him, but the hold of the shadows remained. She wasn't so naive to let him go at once. Chaozii looked from her to Allen, making it clear he wished them both nothing else but pain. And he would gladly deliver it.

"Next time I see you... If you attack us again..." Raz whispered. "I will make you _wish_ for Hell."

No interruption from Allen. Chaozii's threat had proved to be too serious and despite how much he hated them, there might be some fear of Raz and this was perhaps the better defense they had, at least in this particular instant.

Perhaps it _would_ be easier... To kill him. They couldn't force him to come along, not without another fight that would tire them too much. And Chaozii had already showed how he wouldn't listen, even if they tried to explain, he would just dismiss it all and want to go back to the Order. Trying to ignore how this made him feel and the part of his brain that conjured the image of how the others in the Order would react in the same way upon seeing him (or maybe running in the other direction, fearing him as they feared the Noah Clan), Allen took a breath before crouching down.

"I didn't kill Link…" He ended up muttering all the same. "I didn't betray the Order…" Chaozii said nothing, still held down. Allen thought the ex-friend would have spit on him if they were close enough and fought to remain a neutral face when he hit Chaozii in a specific spot to render him unconscious.

For a while, he and Raz remained there, not moving. The coldness had left the girl and she was back to being the Raz of always... Yet, the scars of the whispers of what she had just done were clear on her. It was almost as if she was waking from a strange dream...

Observing the man, the girl felt as if she couldn't understand at once what had happened. Even though she was more than aware that it was necessary to fight, there was hesitation now... She hadn't quite fought humans before like that and... And she had been scared.

But she had only wanted to help Allen, only...

" _Oh, but that's not all... You wanted to kill him._ " The thought was as true as traitorous and it revived the cold in her.

No, she just...

" _You wanted to kill him..._ "

A soft touch in her hand called her attention and she and Allen exchanged glances. Both knew they should go on and fast... Chaozii wouldn't be able to tell the Order exactly where they had been going, as there were more crossroads ahead, so perhaps they would have some luck... They had to hurry up.

Even knowing this, none of them found strength to move. It all had happened in a few moments, but there was no sensation of it being over. It was like a nightmare which echo reaches to reality.

"C'mon..." Allen called her, needing actually to encourage his own brain to command the muscles to move, forcing himself to look away from the man he had one day called friend. Both started to walk again, feeling weary, weak and hurt. Raz could almost feel the Innocence, its blows had hit her more than physically, they had reached her blood, her organs, everything that was _her._

And... She had been moving with the same naturalness with which she walked... Without needing to think, to reflect, just reacting...

"He... He _will_ tell... You know..." Allen said in a low tone.

"Yes... You _saw_ how he looked at us..." She hesitated and Allen noticed her gaze turned to inside of herself.

And inside herself, Raz found and learned a truth that she already knew and had ignored. And comprehended what Tyki had said that night in the Forest of Lights, when encouraging her to destroy the Innocence in her hands... And what had been underneath Wisely's softly cruel tone when he had whispered in her mind about her keeping a human appearance.

She comprehended what she had felt upon holding Apocryphos' feathers and her wish to attack Allen, no mattering how brief it had been.

The instinct of a Noah... It was a _murderer's_ instinct.

Peace, or the closest it was allowed to her kind, could only come with the blood of those who handed Innocence.

"Allen, I..."

He interrupted her at once, knowing without needing to hear her, what must be tormenting her mind. He might not have a meticulous knowledge of Noahs (that if someone outside the Clan had it), but he knew _Raz._

"If you're going to apologize, don't even." He said firmly, forcing her to look at him. "Raz, listen to me closely. You _didn't_ do anything wrong, you were _defending_ us, it is different..."

This was true to him as well, but there was no effect in how he felt and the boy sighed, shaking his head. The day had barely begun and he felt as if it was already taking too long to end... He remembered how they had helped Klaud with the Level Four akuma and how she, apparently, hadn't told anyone that Allen was traveling in company of a Noah.

Chaozii wouldn't do the same.

"But..."

"We're on a war... If you can avoid killing, then do it. But if you have to... If there is no other way... Defend yourself." And his grasp in her shoulder tightened in a signal of comfort. This was a truth both understood, but as so many other things, there was the need to convert it into sound, to absorb it physically through a sense.

Maybe it would come the time when they would need to kill someone. Maybe a Finder or an Exorcist who tried to attack them... Or at least, as they had done now, to leave them unconscious.

"In the situation we are in... It's not always we can afford the luxury of gentleness…" It didn't mean they had to enjoy it.

However, he made a mental note to have serious conversation with her about it.

Because he could see it wasn't only this what was biting her inside.

And his words, in the end, had done little to soothe her.

**XxX**

The Earl remained still in reflection as the akuma bowed to him, after finishing his words. There was no way to guess his thoughts, as there were no hints to the nature of the silence. It mattered nothing that the Noah Patriach was not wearing his mask, it was just that his face didn't allow any emotion to reach the facial features.

His enemies would, without a doubt, take his silence for one that promised suffering. The rest of the Clan might take it as curiosity and even excitement. It depended more on the observant's own impression, what they would be willing to take as truth.

He had been helping the others to fill Road in everything that had happened during her absence, how they had almost captured Apocryphos, how their prisoners had been rescued... And about Raz, who now fought at Walker and other Accomodators's side and how she was bereft of her own identity and memories...

Those were long explanations and the Clan had also decided to have a special dinner as to celebrate Road's return when an akuma had asked to speak to him, bringing news that he preferred to listen privately.

"I felt Walker's presence, my lord." The thing said in a childish voice of metal, an akuma of level two that quickly approached Level Three. "He didn't feel me."

Of course he hadn't... The akuma had been at a safe distance, hunting members of the Order when it had felt the lady Noah and the boy. Since the Earl's commands had been to lay low should it happen and contact the Earl, it hadn't attacked and kept the distance as to not trigger Walker's eye.

"They were with an Exorcist, Master. Miss Raz fought him."

This was quite interesting.

"Was it one of the ones who assisted the infiltration in our Ark?"

"No, no, sir." So it wasn't a trap or an argument that had evolved to something more serious. The Exorcist in question must be from the Order, not sharing those others' loyalty to Allen Walker. Their meeting could have been a coincidence... Unless some of those other Exorcists _had_ called the Order... No, if such was the case, they would have sent more people.

"Was the Exorcist killed?"

"No, master." The akuma went on, voice marked by anxiety born of his desire to serve the one who had constructed it, not knowing another desire. By a rule, akumas had no feelings. They were machines and as much as they could develop a simulacrum of self-awareness, it wasn't enough to make true feelings. They were able, depending of their development, to behave in a way that created the illusion of a personality of their own, maybe, but they were machines. Nothing more.

At times, some exceptions could come to be, he supposed, but those were far too rare.

The information that the Exorcist hadn't been killed was quite a disappointment. Though, with Walker, perhaps it wasn't cause to surprise as much as he desired otherwise.

" _Allen Walker... Mana's son. I should have realized by the name."_ He thought, not for the first time since he and boy had shared that strange vision of the past, an occurrence for which he had no explanation. What the Earl wondered, even now, was it was possible, how could he have _not_ realized it... And if he had, would it have changed the course of actions?

Yes… It would. He knew it would.

" _Mana used that name because of it. There is sensibility in the choice…"_ He tried to now allow the implication of it to infiltrate his mind, not yet.

The knowledge couldn't be ignored completely. It was almost poetic and also ironic how Raz was now with the son and nephew of her best friends.

He wondered what she would be thinking of all this, if she had some notion of it, if she had remembered something that would give sense to it... He frowned slightly, remembering when he had seen her for the first time since all this had begun.

But what stood out in this, now, was when Raz had tried to use her ability against him. And how he had felt, through the touch of her shadows, her hesitation, her tension... And fear.

It was atypical.

Raz wasn't someone to undress her feelings like a nerve for the world to see and had usually displayed a control over her emotions that extended itself to her very ability as "Loneliness"... And from what Tyki, Wisely and even Sheryl had noticed in the occasions they had spied on her and the boy along those months, as little as it had been, it had been enough for give the impression that such a trait had remained.

The fact that he had been able to feel it like that... It was a little worrying to say the least.

If it was the situation alone, he would have comprehended and even felt a little... A little guilty. He hadn't meant to act he had done in that brief encounter, but his self-control had broken under a blizzard of emotions and thoughts, more than his mind and body could process.

Later, analyzing the situation and what had happened...

But it hadn't been just that. The Earl was quite sure that it wasn't only the fear regarding her (and Walker's) predicament and what could happen, not even just hesitation of hurting him (though he wouldn't deny that perceiving that had touched him deeply).

It wasn't because Raz was more used to help fighting akumas rather than a living being, let alone a member of the Clan, either.

No. There was something bigger there.

Raz, perhaps so deeply that she had no notion of such, or more probably, didn't want to think about it in a conscious way, was afraid of _herself_. Of using her powert completely. Afraid of what she could unleash...

Her potential was still there, buried and ignored, something she had no wish to touch.

She was afraid of it.

Afraid of herself.

Afraid of what she was.

The Earl shook his head to himself. _This wasn't right_. Nothing of this was.

 _"She should be here now! She and Allen!_ "

Both were stubborn, to the point of aggravating his nerves as much as, considering everything, it shouldn't be unexpected or incomprehensible.

There were several ways of approaching them and they all seemed to promise no results. The offer of explanations had already been rejected before being properly made, once both had already showed preference to seeking answers themselves, without a care to how much more complicated it would be. Threats and blackmail would only take him until a certain point and, in the long run, it would be more harmful than beneficial, inviting only their resentment.

There seemed to be no way to gain their sincere cooperation.

The remaining option, to bring them back by force, was still unpleasant, but they would resort to it if there was indeed no other way.

It wasn't in their natures to take separation well.

And it certainly wasn't the _Earl's_ nature to allow things to just remain as they were. When Wisely had told Raz and Allen how they belonged to the Clan, it had been literal.

And now, there were things he _needed_ to tell Allen, things the boy had the _right_ to know...

And the realization about the connection between him and Mana had forced the Earl to reflect about everything he had ever thought and felt about the boy. They were enemies, yes, or had been, in his mind. He had been an annoying problem that _refused to die_ , but only a fool without battle experiences would classify survival and the enemy's resources as mere luck. And a part of him, not without irritation, had recognized his abilities. There were some moments when the Earl had even admired Walker, to a certain extent... The times they had faced each other, though briefs, were an example. Older and more experienced Exorcists who had crossed his path had fallen on their knees and begged mercy and those who had had fought, had lasted only for a little while before fear finally took over.

Walker was among the few who had faced him while keeping their heads high, preferring to face whatever could happen with dignity and standing out for this.

Once more, the Noah Patriarch recalled the night he had met Walker for the first time. A boy small for his age, with poor clothes that perhaps weren't quite enough to keep him safe from the cold, sitting at the side of a tombstone as if not sure of where he was... Or even who he was... Only wanting to stay there, like a dog who couldn't understand the owner's death. Or does and even so, chooses to remain as close as possible until it could follow.

It had taken some seconds until the child even realized the Earl's presence, though he had been standing right at his side and speaking to him softly, trying to attract his attention with a false and suave conversation that used to be quite efficient against his prey, traps shaped as words. He had greeted him, asked what he was doing in the cold, why he seemed so sad...

No reaction.

The boy was among those so lost in their mourning that when he had finally looked at him, the Earl saw he hadn't heard a single word, neither was he understanding the presence of someone else there. Only when the Earl, seeing the name carved in the cheap stone that denounced a cheap burying, had asked him if he would like to see Mana Walker again. Then some lucidness had come back to those eyes. The lack of someone else around had also been a give-away to how the man had been the only person the boy had.

And then, of course, their deal. Which had ended _disastrously_.

Why had he left the boy alive?

It wasn't as if the Earl had felt the boy had any connection with the Clan. He hadn't even noticed _Mana Walker_ had been _Mana D. Campbell_ (if he had, this alone would have made him take the boy along him, even if just to try getting him to tell exactly what had happened), let alone suspected he might be Neah's host (something he hadn't ever considered _possible_ ).

Someone might suggest it had been a rare, though not impossible, moment of compassion. The Earl wouldn't deny the option wasn't absurd, but it was the presence of Innocence that complicated matters... Yes, it wouldn't please him to kill outright a child (he knew many Exorcists would call him hypocrite and wouldn't believe him), but a child who had Innocence? The logic course of action was to kill him.

"Master? Do you want us to..." The akuma could barely hide the request as a suggestion, like a puppy, becoming quiet when the Earl dismissed the idea with a gesture.

Slowly, a substance unknown to man formed around him, a whiteness of bones taken off tombs gaining color, the mass molding to take the shape of a figure well-known by Exorcists, a smiling mask hiding his true face.

"I believe I better check on them myself."

* * *

**Allen: Don't you get tired of messing with us?**

**Wolf: Nope.**

**Road: Finally! I'm back! Did you have to make me wait all this time?**

**Wolf: Yes...**

**Road: Now, when I'll go meet Allen? I missed him!**

**Wolf: I'll ignore this... Speaking of you being back, where is Sheryl? I thought he would be here to complain how Raz didn't kill an Exorcist and all.**

**Wisely: He went out to buy presents for Road.**

**Raz: And I didn't want to kill him!**

**Wisely: Yes, you did...**

**Allen: Lay off her!**

**Wisely: The sooner she actually realizes what it means to be a Noah and stop fooling around, the better.**

**Raz: Look, I just decided I don't want to kill anymore and ended up fighting an Exorcist, can't you guys let me and Allen rest?**

**Wisely: You guys want to rest? Then just stop acting like children and come back home!**


	30. Act Thirty – A Web of Light and Darkness

_"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad." –_ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Life has strange ways of continuously remind people of the passage of time and the changes, even when one _thinks_ to be aware of such. And yet, a return to a childhood home after years even with the awareness that everything has changed, there will still be a soft surprise, a predominant nostalgia and a curious sensation, as if the place remains, in some corner of the heart, a "home"...

Such would be quite alike what Krory felt once he returned to the Order and he thought it wouldn't be too different from what the others might be experiencing as well. Lenalee had been quiet all the way to the city of their mission and even during it, despite how things had gone rather well, for their relief...

For now, he knew.

Krory was engaged in a conversation with Komui as they waited, the chief having had his usual raptures of cheerfulness before the return of his sister and he, which Krory knew to have a great deal to do with relief of seeing them returning alive, which overcame the anxiety for news. The two of them had returned first and as such, it had befallen them to tell all about what had happened to Komui and Reever, not leaving any details out.

Strangely enough, Reever had remained quiet, despite also interested in the tale. The reveal of Apocryphos' existence had rendered them unable to say anything, color draining from Komui's face as he fell on his chair, Reever frozen. That creature, for they couldn't barely think about it as "Innocence" was something they had never considered possible to exist.

Yet, even now, Krory's vampire instincts were that of a predator and as such, even when this side of his was not activated, he often picked up details of other's behaviors... Such as the inquietude that came to be from time to time in Reever's mannerisms, no matter how controlled he appeared externally.

"It seems that some Crows have been sent out specially to hunt Allen down..." Komui whispered, his smile working as a mask to his true feelings. Anyone passing by would at once think he was talking about some unimportant subject, perhaps a new idea for a Komurin.

Krory shook his head, not surprised, and his dark eyes ran around the room as Kanda informed something or another to the officials after having coming through one of the portals with Miranda and Marie.

He wasn't as foolish as to have expected that coming back would invoke the _same_ emotions of before, of happiness and relief... No, wrong… Such would imply that those sensations _did not exist_ anymore and they were there, though exclusively related to the people as he found a despise for the place in itself growing with the patience of a disease...

His mind reminded him that there were almost no people left to trust there, no matter if it didn't erase the past and some of the sensation of "home" remained no matter how much he wanted to reject it.

This couldn't be home, not when there was no trust.

A Finder saw him and waved. Krory repeated the gesture... Brian had always been in friendly terms with him and Allen, but now his words of scorn and downright hate towards the white-haired boy echoed in Krory's brain...

The Order had been his first real home, just as it had been for Allen.

This was worse than the years he had been caged in that castle. At least while there, he had been physically alone as well, not knowing the coldness that can be caused by the presence (rather than absence) of others... At least the perception that there was nothing turning that empty womb into a "home" and the lack of memories of warmth stopped him from mourning a change and loss of something he had never had. It wasn't the same now, with memories of the good times mixed with the present...

" _When did things come to this? Or was it always like this and we were all just too naive to realize?_ " He didn't know the answer, but could taste the irony. As experienced as they could be in the battlefield, it seemed they could be rather children-like when it came down to the insidiousness of the world. He wondered if Allen had felt like that, as if realizing that a dear friend was neglecting or manipulating him and as much as he knew it would be better to walk away, there was still the longing, the desire to stay close while wondering if this friendship had ever been real…

The Order was no longer "home".

A movement of Reever at his side called his attention. Kanda and the others were done with the procedures and were coming over, Miranda raising her hand in a shy wave. Before Krory or Komui or Lenalee could say anything, Reever walked to her.

"Welcome back!" He said almost breathlessly, a soft smile being born (very different from the professional one for the trained eyes) and Krory took notice of some nervousness in the gaze that ran over the woman, as if in need to confirm over and over that she was alright, that she was unharmed. "How was it? I... Are you..."

Miranda smiled, placing a strand of hair behind her ear, hoping no one could notice anything, but Krory saw the spark in her eye and how, for a moment, a soft pink had colored her face when she had first saw Reever.

Seeing how Marie had a light frown, he also understood he hadn't been the only one to pick up the signals. The other, with his acute hearing, must have taken notice of the undertones in their voices or the music of their heartbeats as much as Krory had noticed their eyes delaying in each other.

"It was quite alright... I mean... We just had to deal with a couple of akumas." No reason for lies and say it had been easy. The akumas had made it quite clear how furious the Earl was at the moment and she had been certain back then that the Noah Patriarch would have gladly ordered them to be captured alive, just so he could break them himself, as a child would with a toy that was no longer amusing. Reever's hand moved for a second, as if meaning to find hers.

Miranda was grateful that the uniform hid the bandages in her arm and the wound in her hip, not wanting people to look at it, let alone to worry Reever and added.

"Oh, we recovered an Innocence as well and..."

"Very good news then, Miss Lotto?"

Kanda, who had opened his mouth to say they would have time to chit-chat later and was entertaining the idea of going to the cafeteria to get something to eat, became quiet as his blood heated up almost to the point of becoming unbearable.

Lenalee, who had been at her brother's side waiting to talk to the others as well, bit the flesh inside her mouth as the usual shivering dominated her skin. Even though her meetings with Inspector Levelier had become more often lately, they were not enough for her organism to adapt completely to his presence.

Miranda faced the man, managing to keep a smile of politeness and moving her head in a respectful gesture. If someone asked her, she would say her feelings about returning to the Order didn't differ too greatly from Krory's.

"Well, we are alive and we were successful, so I would say yes, sir."

Levelier nodded, seeming pleased. Reever needed all his self-control to not hold Miranda's hand and take her away right there. His displeasure for the man had reached a point where the instinctive response was of repulse and anger, as someone finding a serpent ready to strike. The last thing he wanted was for the Inspector to get anywhere close Miranda.

Levelier turned his attention to Kanda.

"Congratulations, your first mission as a General went quite well, don't you think?"

Kanda vaguely wondered if the man was being sincere, if there was some sick sort of triumph behind that tone or if he was really mocking. However, even if he was being sincere, it didn't change anything for Kanda. It didn't even matter.

Receiving no reply, and perhaps not even expecting one, the Inspector looked over them with his usual smile.

"Well, just don't forget the formal report about your mission." And his gaze of iron stopped in Lenalee for a moment before he asked in a way that could have otherwise be taken as sweet. "You and Krory haven't made your report yet, right, Lenalee? Curious, but... Don't the Central's rules say that such must be made _immediately_ upon the Exorcist's return?"

The first impulse of the girl was to seek her brother's hand, but before her muscles reacted without her consent, her nails nestled in her own palm. Her arm shivered uncomfortably, being stopped in a gesture that was already natural. The others managed to keep their expressions calm before the man's words. Lenalee felt her lip shivering, her spine cold with the desire to run away... She hoped someone would say something, would made those eyes stay away from her, away, away...

"I-I'm sorry if... If we appeared to be disrespectful, sir..." She realized her voice failing her and hated herself for it for the first time. She couldn't remember if it always happened when talking to him but did remember how she used to run to Kanda when Levelier appeared. Even with his cold behavior (and perhaps because of it), the way of how the samurai seemed to be untouchable made her feel protected.

But she was no longer a child.

Forcing the mass of dryness in her throat to go down, she continued when she saw Komui about to say something. She had to carry on... C'mon, easy does it... Take a deep breath...

"But we returned just yesterday... And we're still recovering..." It wasn't a lie. Her legs were still unseen under the white gauze, the flesh dominated by burns. Some of her wounds had opened when she had fought akumas in her official mission afterwards. There was a new cut in her back, a deep crack in her flesh. "We were just too tired to present a report immediately..."

"And the rules specify that the Exorcists must present a report as soon as they return and _are in conditions to do so._ " Komui interfered, shrugging and managing to keep a carefree tone even when the other man's eyes slithered to him. "Sir, you must have received the Nurse report and you know how she would react if she ever heard that her patients had to go to a reunion such as this without being completely recovered from all their wounds?"

He couldn't fully use of sweetness in this last phrase, but there was no harm since the Head Nurse's temperament was legendary. Levelier evaluated him for an instant before amusement came to his facial lines and his laughter made Marie frown. He couldn't remember if he had ever heard the man laugh before... His audition focused in the sound waves, dissecting them in search of something that worked as a clue to his actual emotions.

"Indeed, indeed." Still with his back straight and his posture of "official authority", Levelier nodded. "She has her own authority and it's better to not provoke her. Well, then let us hope you recover soon." And nodded in a manner of farewell. "Anyway, I'm glad to see you all back. If you'll excuse me, I have some work to do and I hope to have some time at night to try a new recipe I found."

It wasn't until his silhouette had left the large room of the Ark Portals that Lenalee felt fresh air entering her lungs, blood slowly starting to run normally once more. It was only then that she realized her brother placing his hand on her shoulder and her own hand went to rest over his, needing that to confirm his presence there, that how she wasn't dreaming like she had so many times when tied up in a bed, until she was no longer aware of what was a dream and what was an actual memory...

Komui, in his turn, was surprised to see that Lenalee had tried to give such a reply. The only time she had come closer of even trying to face Levelier like this had been when Chaozii had told details about the Battles of the White Ark, about Road kissing Allen (bad) and Allen's attempt to save Tyki Mikk (worse). Though he was surprised, there was a strong pride.

He knew his protective instinct regarding her was considered overbearing by many, especially those who knew little of everything and saw him just like a Supervisor of the Science Department and Lenalee as the superior of the two, blessed by Innocence, as if this made her someone _different_ , someone who didn't feel pain or sorrow...

He remembered she had told him that Chaozii, back in the Ark, had once been _surprised_ that they felt fear like anyone else.

Komui remembered the years he had dragged himself around an empty house. How there had been so many days when, upon waking up, his mind had tricked him into believing for a cruel moment that it had all been a dream and Lenalee was safe and sound in her bed... Only for reality to come. There had been days he had gone to her room, kept untouched, and had been unable to stop his tears...

He was her older brother. He should have been able to keep her safe...

And she had been taken away.

Then, after years, he had been able to reach the Order, after battling for a position that would allow him to stay in the building where his sister was and when finally, _finally_ had been able to see her... He had found her tied up, fed by tubes, a broken doll that was still kept for the hopes of being useful someday _..._

He hadn't been able to keep her safe. And this had happened. Her smile was gone, her eyes were dead and she was so thin that it seemed a mere touch would break her...

God, she was just a _child_...

Despite being able to be near her from now own, he was still useless. He couldn't even try going with her when she left for missions and upon seeing her leaving, he could only wonder how she would return...

In a coffin? In a stretcher? What scars would she bring back, what nightmares she would have?

He was supposed to help her. He was worthless...

"I don't like this at all..." Marie muttered in a whisper. This, coming from someone else, would have been rewarded with a sarcastic comment from Kanda's part, but the samurai kept his silence.

"Do I need to say it?" Komui asked the others with a sigh. No, there was no need. There was something strange going on in the Order and it had been for a while by now, yes, but none of them could fully describe it. It wasn't just people turning their backs on Allen, as horrible as it was, despite the comments and despise towards the boy, if you looked at the bigger picture... The Order's routines weren't as different from before.

It was something else. And it made them feel as if something had to happen soon, something had to give soon...

A twig can only be pressed until a certain point before breaking.

Reever shook his head. There was an unseen disease here, infecting nerves and blood, that couldn't be diagnosed until it broke the body.

"Leave it. One thing at a time..." Reever forced himself to say, as they couldn't discuss such here in the room with other workers nearby. When Miranda smiled briefly, he felt a warmth going up his face and slowly took her hand in a signal he needed to talk to her, his muscles relaxing. "Well, we talk about it later... See you, guys."

And both of them walked away, starting a whispered talk and leaving the others to follow them with their eyes.

"By any chance..."

"Did it seem to you guys too that..."

" _When_ did they...?"

A chuckle was kept in Komui's throat before the atypical behavior of his friend. It was only natural that he, just like Komui and the others, would be tense while their friends were away in missions and hoping they would be back, safe and soon... Yet, it seemed that Reever had had more _personal_ reasons behind his worries.

Lenalee caught herself giggling a little, the sound softening her own nerves and suddenly, she realized a seed of desire to be alone for a while. It was such a small thing that it wasn't possible to fully evaluate the reasons behind it, but she merely said goodbye and agreed to see them later. For now, it was enough to know they were all alright.

She also walked away, taking a short path among the hallways, greeting people passing by as her mind was taken by memories while the ghost of Alison Rouwen's voice echoed in her cranium, spreading to the rest of her body through her spine.

The woman's words had remained in her, the poison of a scorpion that wouldn't weaken or fade, but rather entering a state of symbiosis with the host, living forever.

She wasn't quite sure about that group... No. Perhaps there was nothing to do with them, it was just her personal emotions... And a sensation that had always floated in her and happened to have found a firm ground in their meeting, then blooming with more certainty.

She remembered the Battles of the Ark. She couldn't tell if it had started there, or if this had been just a propitious occasion to allow whatever _it_ was to grow more, but it was a good starting point as much as the forests of China where Suman had died and Allen almost lost his Innocence. Well, not starting points, but events that marked something...

She remembered herself, sitting at the table with the Noah (and God, how she had been relieved that it was a _long_ table, for if she had had to sit near one of those Noah, she would have yelled) as Road hugged Allen and mocked with sweetness, telling how the rest of the Ark was gone... And Lenalee had been unable to fight, unable to do anything...

If the Earl had been there, Lenalee imagined he would have laughed, as the cursed thing that seemed to feed of suffering that he was.

She could almost see herself, sitting there, trying to not shiver, looking nothing like an Exorcist, but as a girl who had no place in battlefields. She hadn't acted at all like she was sure Allen had when he had been not unable to use his Innocence as she had been, but _actively at risk to losing it forever_...

Lavi had held her hand, whispered for her to be strong with that smile he seemed to reserve just for her, even though in that moment they truly feared that Kanda and Krory might be dead and she had no hope left, only an emptiness that seduced her to the depths of despair...

And Lenalee had thought she had promised to be stronger.

Later, when the Order had been attacked, she had stayed locked in the Infirmary and would be lying if she said that there hadn't been some cruel relief in being there instead of out there, fighting, fearing what could happen should she try to synchronize with the Dark Boots once more... Until Levelier had come and yelled through the door about how she was also an Exorcist just like the others.

" _Kanda fought._ " She thought to herself. " _And Mugen was destroyed, but he still fought. Lavi joined him a little after, didn't he_ _?"_

Some details became mist-like in her mind that was focusing only in herself back then, slowly going back to the past until when she was a child, waking up to her brother calling her and even touching the few memories she had of her parents... Then going back to the day when she had been found by the Order, taken from her home as she cried and her brother was held back by two men in black... It was like a book one reads over and over again...

Her room was a grave where only silence was her companion, exactly what she desired at the moment. Taking a seat at her dressing table, the sounds of her mind became more vivid, though still whispers of dreams...

She had promised to be stronger, but now that Lenalee thought of it, she wasn't sure she had kept it... She recalled Alison all but snarling that she hadn't missed Allen for _Allen,_ but the comfort, the "piece" of her world... And how, later, she had talked to Allen about things...

A part of her still wanted to yell that she was a good girl, a good friend, that she was in the right side of that war, but the memories that became more and more alive inside her as clowns jumping and mocking were those that didn't fit such words. As frequently happens when we question ourselves. And this time, Lenalee wanted that, needed them to fight back the lies of the conditioned part of her mind.

Her promise of strength, even if made to herself in silence, had been real?

What she felt was real?

She looked at the mirror, deep into the eyes of her reflection.

She was seventeen, on her path to eighteen. However, how often had she felt she was older than that, that her mind carried far more memories than the years seemed able to contain?

Even now, there were nights when her heart weighted too much, all of her taken by too many thoughts, too many scenarios and memories... And she felt so tired, so tired that she wanted the world to just go away. Even now, if she closed her eyes, she wouldn't have seen darkness, but a tornado of images of blood and ripped flesh...

She lifted her fingers and touched the mirror, almost as a child playing with the reflection...

" _I'm a good person..."_ Part of her still tried to say, but even to Lenalee, it sounded as a childish protest and the words were weak, so they were ignored. Her reflection looked back at her with no expression, something caught up in a cocoon and demanding freedom while blaming the one that had caged it.

Her hand fell at the side of the body.

Her hair was longer...

It reached a little under her shoulders by now, long enough to be put up. Now, along with all that she was thinking about, there was the hazed memory, almost a dream, of her mother brushing her hair, putting it up in two twintails as she said in her soft voice how much she loved that look in her daughter and later, Lenalee would ask her brother to brush her like that, unable to put it up as perfectly as her mother used to, her hands too small for the hairbrush.

Her eyes lowered and for a moment, she stayed still with the memories as company until she opened the drawer with an almost abrupt gesture, picking up a small wooden box.

Inside it, alone, there was a golden-colored ring.

The other had long ago been destroyed in a battle.

" _You have very beautiful black hair... You mustn't let the war get the better of you, okay?"_

Lenalee took a deep breath.

Enough with fake resolutions, of speaking and not acting and thinking about how things _ought_ to be. As the girl brushed her hair, she reflected that she had long ago to be introduced to the reality of the world, however it seemed she hadn't opened her eyes until now.

She had wanted to keep her hair as her mother had done, out of fear of forgetting her and Lenalee was aware of it. She had wanted to keep Allen with her and, though there had been a strong feeling for him, perhaps it had been also out of more selfish reasons than she would have liked…

Perhaps, perhaps…

All she knew now was that she was done with mere words. Long ago had come the time to actions.

The metal-like ring closed with a "click", keeping her strands in a ponytail.

Lenalee admitted the new hairstyle felt strange due to being different from what she had been used to, but also acknowledged that it was good for the same reason. Perhaps it was a foolish gesture and without real meaning, but it worked for her as a sort of compromise with the change, in being truly different from what she had been before.

She would no longer _think_ about being strong.

 _She would be strong_.

**XxX**

A line of gold was on the horizon, still trying to grow to the skies in hues of orange, embers that started to go out even if trying to hold to the fire they possessed inside. Meanwhile, the rest of the sky gained a darkening blue as the day approached twilight.

They had watched the town from afar when seeing it for the first time, expanding itself to the horizon in houses and buildings that gained ground, a gray sea among the green. Years of traveling since young age had took away the possible nervousness of arriving at new places and taught Allen much about feeling the basic pulse of the environment and in this, there was always variety. Cities that usually accepted barefoot travelers and appreciated the novelty some could bring, be street performers or circus. Others would spit in gypsy fairs and poor travelers, while embracing expansive fairs and receiving rich tourists with gentleness.

Oh, Allen knew one couldn't and shouldn't shape all people of a town in such few categories, but there were cities with a strong enough sensation to deserve such classifications. The city in question seemed the sort that wouldn't despise anything as long as it didn't bring trouble and the law wasn't broken... Usually, this would make him feel a little better, but as they walked around asking if there was a traveling circus in town, all he could feel was a bitter taste in the depths of his stomach.

Even so, some people _had_ given him and Raz some glances and when they had entered a small restaurant, a young woman of elegant features had given her a derogatory look of arrogance, which Raz had either ignored or not noticed.

He couldn't focus his attention clearly and his thoughts often refused to follow a linear order. He didn't want to be in this town anymore and could only be grateful that Raz was there, for it had been her who had asked to the waiter in the balcony they were sitting if there was a circus around.

Allen had found himself unable to form the words, his body too busy in trying to make the bile stopping from going up his throat.

"Oh, yes, there is," The man replied while taking down their requests, the thick mustache shivering as he spoke with an exotic-sounding voice and gestured with his pencil. "It arrived just a couple of days ago!"

Allen's stomach twisted around with the regret of asking for anything to eat, the muscles under the skin freezing in a polite smile that hurt.

"Oh, that's great," He nodded, trying to hide his discomfort. "Can you tell us where it is, sir?"

The man laughed, a pleasant sound and winked to them.

"Of course! Who doesn't like circus? And, please don't take this the wrong way," He added, the green eyes going from Allen and Raz. "But you guys look like you truly could use some fun, you know?" Allen had no need to look at the mirror running the wall behind the man to know what he was seeing... He and Raz could be brushed and clean, but it didn't change the fact they were still two teens walking around with old-looking backpacks and some wounds they had been unable to hide.

"If you want..." The man continued before walking away and playing with the pencil in one of his hands, the notepad in the other. "I know an inn up the street, low prices and quite comfortable."

"Well, I don't know... I mean..." Allen made an effort to not look at Raz and to keep that smile. The air in the restaurant was stale to his senses and even the scent of food did nothing but make him want to vomit, though he had nothing in his stomach. "I don't know for how long we're going to stay..."

The man just said it would be nonsense for them to keep traveling at night. The later it got, less trains there were and the road could be quite dangerous and, well, where would they sleep? In the open air? No, no, it would be better to spend the night somewhere safe and he would be right back with their food.

Allen limited himself to accept and be quiet, feeling the dryness inside and placing his elbows on the balcony, as Raz remained still at his side with nothing to say. In other occasion, he would have tried to talk to her about all that had transpired earlier on... He actually knew he had to, _wanted_ to, but he couldn't find the words...

Both of them had barely talked in the hours following meeting Chaozii and he knew her calmness was only external. She was devastated by the memory of what she had been and then, as if caught up by a cruel joke of fate, had not only met an Exorcist who was truly hostile, but had lost part of her self-control and almost taken his life... Allen knew she would have if it hadn't been for his interference and so did Raz...

Killing humans was part of being a Noah.

She had recalled a time when she had been happy with the Clan, with the Earl, the same one she fought to stay away from now... Nothing could help Allen to even try to understand how it must feel, but he knew it couldn't be anything less than painful...

How could she fight against all of this, when it was such an intricate part of what she was?

Meeting with Chaozii had taken its toll on him as well. Despite knowing through the others how things were at the Order, despite knowing there would be people turning against him, that raw hatred in Chaozii's eyes had still shaken him. It was as if the man had hated him all his life, or as if they were strangers…

Chaozii wanted him dead. Allen had seen it in his eyes.

Each time Allen tried to say something to Raz, his voice refused the command. His own mind was taken by the faceless figures that he banished to the corners of the brain with his best, hoping that time would suffocate them...And now they were all back. And just like he had been unable to defend himself when he was a child, he couldn't defend himself now.

" _I'm such a pathetic person..."_ He thought, laying his head on his arms. Echoes of voices he had heard back in the circus while growing up confirming it.

Despite everything, Raz felt the same regarding him... Silence between them was not empty of communication, but now it was scarred by other sort of signs. And while Allen could fool others, and probably had along the years, she had seen his gaze when walking the streets, the subtle hesitation that edged refusal at the idea of even spending the night in town, as sensible as it sounded, how his voice when the man had confirmed the presence of a circus in town had been mechanical...

Allen wasn't fine...

He wasn't fine _at all_...

Yet, the wrong sort of comfort could easily be taken as a gesture of _pity_ , which would be just offensive, so she opted to ask about the circus in the town with him. Her body had hurt for a long time after the attack and his Innocence had struck her organism in such a way that the pain had been even in her blood, running alive in her veins...

Pain, hate, loathing...

It was one thing to train with Allen, getting used to be surrounded by Innocence of people who meant her no harm, but it was quite different to be prey of it. Allen had already told her a little regarding Chaozii, of when they had first met, about how Chaozii had found himself to be an Exorcist during the Battles of the White Ark...

They had still talked about Mana for a while, despite him also being at the moment too close of bitterer topics. Yet, it was then that Allen's posture became less rigid, even though that stillness behind his eyes did not leave.

The circus, according to waiter, had taken position in a public park. It was a little far, so both decided to spare some money in a cab wagon... The soft movement of the wheels, as well the hoof-sounds of the horse, quickly turned into whimpers and skulls hitting each other to Allen, who otherwise found those same elements to be soothing... It was all in his head, he knew, but there was nothing to do to cease what he felt each time he thought this could be the circus where Mana had found him.

If this wasn't so necessary... He would probably have long ago cried out to the man to turn that thing around and leave town at once.

But he couldn't forget that day, nor how his life had been before Mana...

He had approached the man, who had been crouching down near the corpse of a little dog wearing a fabric collar that imitated that of a clown costume... Dry blood matted the fur, one of the paws was swollen up, eyes dead... The tongue that had just another day licked Allen's arm now fell between the little teeth, dry. One or two flies were around it.

The animal was lying in a shallow grave, that the man had probably made with his bare hands. Allen remembered that his first impression had been that he was strange... When he had seen no tears shed for the dog, he had asked the reason with his rude manners of back then because, even for someone like him, it was quite weird that one would not cry upon losing someone that he held dear...

Then Mana had said, in his calm voice, that... Perhaps he just did not have tears anymore.

" _A_ _nd I didn't understand... I didn't understand anything..."_

 _He_ had ended up crying, though. And it had been unusual for him... Even at such a young age, Allen disliked tears and had become a stranger to them... Like he was to that feeling of loss, since he had never _had_ anything...

He had known, as soon as he had seen the dog, that it had been Cosimov...

After all, he...

" _Stop, enough. It isn't the time to revive the past..._ " He told himself, taking a deep breath in the subtle way he knew how to, as to not call attention and tried to think about what Raz had told of Mana, trying to imagine the garden and the three of them sitting down under the veil of the night, promising to travel together.

" _If Mana was alive and had to choose, who would it be? You or Neah_?" The cold thought came and Allen tried to ignore it. It was cruel to even consider such a question and it made no difference... Mana... Mana was dead. Damn it, even Raz after telling of her remembrance had told Allen that, for her, all of this meant that Neah was also dead and he had realized that the intention behind those words had been to express her decision... _She chose him_.

He wouldn't be able to deny, but neither fully express, the warmth he had felt then. Not only for the intention as because he had never given much thought about how the state of Neah being inside him followed more a line of "possession" than being truly alive... And somehow, he wanted to hold to this idea, as it made it easier to think about his situation.

Now, sitting in front of him, Raz limited herself to look through the small window. For a moment, wanting refuge from his own mind as he would to poison, Allen opened his mouth... Only to close it again.

He couldn't.

Not yet.

 _"Breathe, c'mon... It... It will be alright..._ "

For an instant, his mind provoked him with the whisper of ideas of how things would be now if the past had taken a different road... If Neah hadn't betrayed the Noah, what would have happened? Would humankind be already dead? Or that war would still be going on? And following this particular line, he imagined how it would have been if he had met Mana after becoming an Exorcist and how this would have played out...

" _Well, I wouldn't have white hair and this scar.._." He thought, but there was no amusement to it and he moved uncomfortable in his seat, feeling rotten inside. Telling himself there was no use, ever, in thinking "how would it have been if...", so all that was left was to focus in the present...

Sudden movement picked up his attention.

Raz had stood and changed seats, now at his side. Her hand found his. She said nothing, even when Allen looked at her, a little confused by the sudden gesture, her only response was a gaze that was a soft touch...

He sighed and squeezed her hand a little, using her as an anchor to not lose himself in thoughts he didn't wish to have and felt his muscles relaxing a little... Slowly, the bitter waves inside him eased, even though they were still there… For a moment, like a child, he was assaulted by the wish of lying down and curling at her side.

That lasted until the carriage stopped in such way that Allen instinctively knew they had reached their destination and the man opened the door for them. Allen took his time paying before turning to the park's entrance... This time, it was his hand that sought Raz's.

It was easy to see the circus, even from where they were... The colored lights created an aura in the night. Which would attract people as sensorial promise of fun were to him cold fox-fires that appeared among graves... He couldn't help but to want to leave.

He took a deep breath. No, no, it was their better and only clue, he and Raz hadn't come all this way just to turn around.

Raz stood at his side and the boy knew she was waiting for him to decide. It made him wonder what she would say if he decided to leave and shook his head, trying to regain self-control, hating how his bones felt.

"Well... Let's go..." He muttered. And despite the sensations, they walked towards the lights, their ears quick to pick up the sounds of conversation and laughter... The blurred figures among the shadows of the night became more distinct and they could make out the colors, faces of people walking around, the stands...

Allen allowed himself a moment of surprise at how things could change due to the passing of time. The circus stood in the center of the park, on an area clearly meant for such things and surrounded by an iron, tall fence.

The main tent still stood in the middle of it all, pointing to the sky and seeming actually a lot bigger than what Allen remembered, stripped of red and white. People gathered in small crowds near the smaller booths and the laughter around denounced they were fair games. They should stay open for a while after or before the show, he supposed...

The night breeze made it so that the air wasn't so hot, even with the people around, and it carried around scents his body still remembered even after so long and that bickered his mind with memories... The circus was doing pretty better now, to have stands with food and prizes. Here and there, there were colors to be seen and shapes, be of animal balloons, be the posters announcing what the show had to offer or the fat letters above the stands, calling upon people to play. Laughter floated around...

Among all this, Allen thought he was going to puke.

He wanted to leave, he didn't want to meet those people, he wanted to go away...

"Hey, what do you think?" After all, Raz had never seen anything like it. The girl turned to him upon the question and shook her head so slightly that it was almost unnoticeable. All her senses were being attacked at once and there was too much to feel, to search and see, and she would have been lying if she said that it wasn't impressive. It was hard to focus attention in just one thing, there was music, people playing, it was hard to ignore even though she could see Allen was hating it.

"It is..." A shrug told him she was unable to fully define it and Allen caressed her head, as to tell her he understood and gestured towards the main tent with his head. He would have liked to tell her something, anything, but there was nothing in his mind. He just wanted to see the ringmaster (would it still be the same man?), find out the details of where he had been found and leave...

" _How many of the old troupe still work here_?" The thought brought him no nostalgia, only cold. The sounds around were ice cuts in his ears. Was Cosimov still alive...? Was he…?

They sneaked inside the tent, ignoring that it was clearly not open for the public yet, the scent of sawdust strong in the air along with the treats the audience would often buy. There were some people there, obviously getting the last details ready for tonight's show...

"Why are those dogs wearing that?" Raz whispered upon seeing four white dogs in the circus ring, wearing what looked like small coats of red and blue, adorned with white lines that were silver dust.

"Well... It's part of the presentation. You know, sometimes they dance on top of balls and things like that..." As if emphasizing his explanation, one of the dogs jumped to a yellow bank and stood in his hind legs, turning around in small jumps. Raz just frowned.

"What this has to do with anything?"

"Some people think it's cool to see them doing more complicated tricks, so..."

" _That_ I get, what I don't get is the clothing." It seemed rather silly to dress up a dog like that. And sort of useless as well.

"It's part of it..." Allen started again, but Raz tilted her head to the side, in the way she always did.

"Isn't the focus of it the _tricks_?"

"Yeah, but..." He wasn't sure anymore of how to explain, even more with his senses being like they were now, and he wondered what she would ever say if she saw horses or tigers jumping flaming hoops. This was something Allen recalled of the circus and had never shared the shine in the gaze of the spectators for it, perhaps because he had seen the training involved... He had learned earlier of how to get the animal to do so frequently meant it should fear the tamer more than the fire...

Wait...

This made him frown. For what Allen recalled, the circus where he had grown up wasn't the sort to care for the well-being of the animals, but the young man that was with the dogs wasn't yelling or branding a whip. When one of the dogs jumped to him, there was no insult or anger…

"Sorry, children," Someone said at their side. "But the show will start in an hour, so..."

The clothes were all Allen needed to identify the man as the ringleader, and he was surprised to see it was not the same person he recalled.

But what surprised him the most, was that the man had gentle eyes.

"Excuse me..." He started hesitantly, unsure if it was disappointment or relief that was being born in him, realizing now that he hadn't ever asked about the circus' name. "Is this the Garvey Circus?"

The man frowned under the lustrous top hat that reflected the lights, a single white-silver strap around it. His eyes were of an impossible blue, contrasting with the black hair that fell on his back on a ponytail.

"I think you're mistaken, young man." He replied, placing his hand on his chest and giving them a smile, his voice gaining a melodic voice. The swallow-tailed coat was deep red and open, showing a white shirt. The interior of it was black, adorned by silver lines that made spiral-like figures, which repeated in the end of the sleeves. "I am Ben Hanscom, my young friend, ringleader of the Nuit et Etoile!"

Allen felt a chuckle in his throat, not because the presentation was exaggerated (it wasn't) or because he found it ridiculous (he didn't), but because his tension had vanished with those words. He felt washed inside. And he didn't know how to react or even what to truly feel... He passed his hand through his hair, unable to contain a smile.

"Sorry... We're searching for someone who works there." Raz said "Do you know of it, sir?"

The man thought about for a moment.

"I do know quite some other circus, yes, you end up hearing about them when you're in the business, of course... Garvey... I'm not quite sure, when was the last time you were there?"

"A couple of years..." Allen muttered, hand going to his pocket to pick the button, wondering if Mana had ever been in this particular circus. The name wouldn't help very much, especially if he had been using another alias, but perhaps the button would? It wasn't a common one, after all... Even more with that design…

"Sometimes a troupe may decide to change the name and if it has been long..." Ben commented in a warning that he wasn't sure. "However, I think I've heard about this one. Sometimes we learn of each other's routine to avoid trouble." Not that it always worked, but Ben would always prefer to avoid conflict if possible, be with whoever it was. "It has been months, but... Unless I'm very mistaken, they were going through some cities more at South... Perhaps they are around there, somewhere like London..."

"Do you... Do you know of a traveling pierrot, sir? He used to make presentations with a dog, sometimes..." Allen showed the button to the man, who studied the emblem engraved on it. "He wore buttons like this one..."

Ben Hanscom evaluated the object as he tried to search in his memories for wanderers who had joined them for some time. It wasn't as uncommon as one might think, especially in times of harshness... But he shook his head.

"No, I don't recall of anyone like this... I'm sorry."

This time, Allen wasn't touched by relief like before. But then again, the chances of this man knowing Mana had been a lot lower than of him knowing his old circus.

"That's okay... Thanks anyway..." He placed the button back in his pocket and exchanged a glance with Raz. Perhaps they really should go around London and the cities nearby.

It meant a long trip.

Ben took notice of this exchange and at once went back to the melodious voice and the smile he reserved to charm the audience.

"Do not fret, my young friends, do not fret." He took his hat off with a flourish movement of quick fingers, bowing. None of the teens could help a feather-like sensation coming to birth, for that man's smile could really be soothing. "You only have to rest and remain strong in your resolutions, after all, nothing is achieved if you don't try!"

Still bowed, the man looked from one to the other, blue eyes shining as he showed the empty hat before taking a black wand from it.

"I suggest both of you rest and relax for now." A wave of the wand and a red spark appeared in the end and, for a while, left a trail when the man waved it around, making it seem there was a magical light dancing alive. Though he knew such tricks, Allen found himself appreciating it.

A new wave and the spark died out. Mr. Hanscom lifted his finger to his lips in a gesture of silence when he whispered.

"And I can assure you, the Nuit et Etoile offers fantastic visions that you'd never imagine possible and wonders that you shall never forget." He bowed once more. "Sadly, you must wait until the correct hour when such secrets can be revealed to human eyes, but I ask that you have fun until then."

The effect was the desired one: Unless he was gravely mistaken, there was a softness coming to the girl's features and a light smile playing at the corners of the boy's mouth. They exchanged glances briefly before he smiled.

"Thank you so much, sir." And nodded gratefully. "We believe it will be an unforgettable show."

"And you are correct!"

They waved before walking out of the tent, wishing him good night and Ben watched as they walked among the crowd, sighing. Being the owner of a traveling circus, he had seen many things in his long life, but there was never any enjoyment upon seeing stray children... Those two were obviously going around the world without truly having anywhere to go or to return... Ben wondered if they were siblings and for Heaven's sake, where were their _parents?_

"Thank goodness or what a pity?"

Allen didn't understand what Raz meant by that.

"What should I say?" She said softly. "Thank goodness or what a pity?"

"I... I don't know." And he truly didn't. "I mean... We aren't even sure we will find it in London, but on another hand..." He couldn't lie. Raz was about to comment how this was their best shot at getting answers, be of his origins or of Mana, but decided against it as there was no need to remind him of what he already knew.

The question was... What they would do now.

"Want to check somewhere to stay? That man gave us the street of the inn, maybe we could go there?" It sounded like a good thing, they had been walking for a long time and even if they were used to it, it didn't mean a rest wouldn't be welcome. Taking all things in consideration, they also could use some calm hours to settle their emotions down...

Yet, now that he knew this wasn't the circus where he had grown up, Allen's senses processed the input differently. The lights no longer invoked an ill feeling, the air wasn't cold and the laughter wasn't mocking... On the contrary, the hues and sounds around had changed and became inviting. He thought about how he had enjoyed the little trick of Ben Hanscom, though he knew there was a secret little button in the bottom of the wand.

But he had still _enjoyed_ it.

Why would that be? Was it because he had seen it as a spectator rather someone who worked in the backstage? Because he was relieved? Or...

" _Or because we never have much time to just stop?_ " The reflection came to him as he watched a clown laughing to a boy while offering him a balloon that floated as a magic fruit. " _Time to... Relax?_ "

In his mind, he saw several scenes at the same time. Lavi wounded. The Earl attacking in a narrow street. Chaozii and his cold eyes, all in a storm of blood and darkness.

"I have one idea!" He turned to her suddenly. "Why don't we just walk around a little and have a good time?"

Though she had been seduced by the soft river of colors around, Allen noticed she wasn't quite sure of herself.

"What about the money?"

"We have some set aside to spare, right? Besides, we don't need to exaggerate, just walk around, play a few games... Later I can try hitting some bars and we can do some presentations on the way to London." Giving her his own version of "evil smile", he whispered in a sing-song way, as if either sharing a secret. "C'moon, Raz... I know you've never seen anything like thiiis."

When she sighed with a shy smile, he knew he had won.

**XxX**

Allen recalled that when he was younger, he had no love for circus or the games related. It wasn't even due to living in the backstage, being untouchable by the supposed "magic" since he knew the machinations behind it, the truth behind the adorned animals and the procedures to build a world that looked beautiful to outsider's eyes... No, it wasn't that, but other motives that would poison any color and sound, turning everything into lies. Cheap trinkets to reflect the light in order to hide a putrefaction.

Yet, now... It was so very different.

For the first time, he caught himself laughing when he watched people playing, stopping to see the posters that announced the presentations. His body was light and even his worries had, at least for now, gone to the back of his mind. He explained to Raz some of the games that one couldn't understand by just looking and both played, laughing whether they won or not, stopping to see a clown making animal shapes with the balloons.

Allen lifted his face to the night sky, breathing the air that felt so anew to his lungs. The coolness was refreshing to the senses... At least this night, Allen thought, they could be just innocent...

No war. No worries.

"It would be great if we could do this more often..." He caught himself whispering before taking another bite of a skewer of meat he had bought, receiving a nod of agreement from Raz, who was currently chewing one of her own.

"Maybe we should try taking some time to just… You know, relax when we can." She whispered after swallowing. A pair of twins, wearing identical dresses, almost bumped on them and apologized quickly before running to a game of tossing rings, followed close by a woman who could only be their mother.

Allen smiled, it was rather cute to see children so excited.

The two of them, however, headed over to a stone bench under some trees, a little away from the stands now emptying and near the black fence, watching the people and the lights. It wouldn't last, soon they would leave, but those moments would suffice for now.

Even the games they had lost had been amusing, both of them teasing one another, though others had been too easy due to their training. Allen had lost at the tossing rings (and Raz had lost at the dice), but the target shooting had been (unsurprisingly) easy, earning Allen a little white fox plush, which he had given to Raz and was currently inside her backpack.

As they watched, the clown of the balloons made one in the shape of a cat, giving it to a boy who couldn't be older than five. He walked away with his parents, starting to enter the tent. Slowly, people made a line that started to shorten. Some children held their parent's hands, others seemed unable to stand still. A few of the booths started to close.

None of those people knew of the war hiding in dark corners of the world, battles that happened when they weren't looking. And all the best for them.

Allen looked back the night sky that the lights seemed to want to reach. Yes, more moments like this would be nice. They were needed. Truth was, even back at the Order there were always fears and worries lurking around... Maybe the best years of his life, or at the most peaceful ones, had been with Mana.

"Hey, have you..." He smiled turning to Raz.

"Oh, _are we having fun~_?"

The colors died. The sounds faded.

As someone feeling a gun against his back, Allen's body refused to move, only looking with the corner of his eyes, unnecessary as it was to seek visual confirmation...

The Millennium Earl's mask was close to them.

Whatever freshness there was in the night was overpowered by the coldness he emitted.

Raz shivered, the hand on her shoulder stopping her from standing up. The touch had less intention of hurting than what she would have expected and that Allen was used to. The golden eyes didn't carry the insanity the boy had seen back on the street last time they had met, but they were not bereft of the intensity he had seen many times before.

It was enough to make him skin crawl.

Allen's eyes darted to the crowd. The people that were out of the tent hadn't noticed the strange man in the shadows of the trees and others were too busy with the booths. And even if they did see him... Allen knew it wouldn't make a difference. The Earl could easily be taken by some performer of the circus. And after all, since when the Noah Patriarch had to worry about some humans?

"Now, I really wouldn't like to ruin your fun..." The Noah carried on with sincerity, his hands briefly pressing them backwards, in a warning against running off. Raz's mind rushed, trying to find a solution, a way out, an idea. "But it's time to come back home, little ones!"

He spoke as a father enforcing bedtime to his children. When Allen slowly closed his red fist, the instinct to make use of Crown Clown, the fingers in his shoulder pressed the flesh in immediate warning. The rustling of the trees close by were the only sound.

Raz's muscles hardened in a signal of resistance. Allen kept staring at the Earl with the corner of his eyes, with all signals of displeasure.

But neither of them knew what to do.

"Don't be foolish, alright? You both know better." The man said, his grin as wide as ever, aware of what was passing through their minds. All softness gone from his tone, he said. " _Turn around._ "

Both passed their legs over the bench easily, in a way so they were sitting in front of the Earl. Their blood was thunder in their ears. The Noah Patriarch towered over them, not letting go of their shoulders. Even the lights, that had been pleasant a moment ago, became cold upon touching that mask, giving it a bone-like quality. Only the eyes were still alive.

 _"Living eyes in a dead face._ " Allen's mind sang with the insanity of fear.

"Stand up."

Without a choice, they complied, in silence.

Raz kept her head lowered, fringe hiding her eyes, shivering visibly when she held her elbows, looking as if trying to make herself smaller.

The Earl noticed this.

"There, there..." The worse was, his tone was truly caring. He leaned to her as if meaning to make himself less intimidating. "We're just going home, everything will be..."

A flash.

A metal-like sound.

The Earl released Allen, raising his hand in the exact moment, holding the blade of his sword, dark matter threatening to break it. Behind the blade, the boy saw a glint when the Earl's eyes slithered to him. The hand holding Raz, who no longer pretended to be distressed, increased the grip. Spikes came from the ground as broken branches thundered down upon the Earl, pulled by black threads. His glasses were covered by darkness, yet it didn't seem to fool him.

The Earl didn't seem impressed, his Dark Matter blocking Allen's sword and shielding him from Raz. He charged at Allen, who pressed in response, using the Earl's strength as an impulse to jump above him. Raz twisted herself, leaning her hand on the ground to land a precise kick to free herself.

Both took off.

Allen turned his sword back into an arm, not wanting its light to denounce their position.

" _What do we do? What do we do?_ " Allen knew, even together, they couldn't fight and win. Behind them, a sound that could be either a snarl as a chuckle. " _Oh, God, he thinks we're_ playing _?_ "

It was like the last time.

They darted between two booths that were closer of each other, ignoring the looks of the last workers still closing them, turning left and left. Allen's mind rushed. When he had battled the Earl (three times, he realized now, more or less), he had barely been able to hold his ground. The man had been the one to leave, just because he couldn't bother with a battle at the moment.

"Damn..." Raz muttered when they hid themselves behind a small tent where, moments ago, people could get their faces painted. They looked at each other. To climb the fence? They would be seen or heard easily. Run back to the entrance of the courtyard? Better. Chances? Low.

Allen's eye grew red. He looked at the sky.

Of course the Earl would have brought them, even if he was more than enough.

"How many?" Raz asked, shivering like a leaf. Allen couldn't hear the souls at this distance, but he could notice them, dots in the sky.

"Just enough…" He muttered. Several. "Ten or more."

What to do? What to do?

How had the Earl found them? _How_?

Raz crouched down and spied for a moment, before rushing to hide behind a small wooden booth. Allen followed her. They had to leave the park, but if they ran out in the open, they would be caught right away.

" _Same if we stay!"_ Their nerves cried out. Run. _Run_!

Sounds came from the main tent, laughter and sounds of joy. They mated with the thunder of their blood. Never the idea of going in there crossed their minds, they knew the Earl would not care for witnesses or victims.

Just run. Get away. _Run_!

Allen's hand grabbed Raz's shoulder as he leaned to her. It was her heartbeat he felt, or his own? Both crouched down. Spying around, there was no sign of the Noah Patriarch.

It was too much. They couldn't stand it!

They got ready to run, to try to...

"WATCH OUT!" Raz pushed him away in the last minute. Allen fell back, the Earl barely missing him as he attacked from above. Allen yelled without thinking, stumbling to get up. The Earl turned his eternal grin to him, saying something his mind didn't bother to decipher. He wasn't thinking, his body moved without his consent. There was a sound of something breaking inside his brain with this thought, yet, he could only keep running.

With the Earl coming between them, he realized he had gotten separated from Raz.

He looked around, trying to find her. Akumas laughed, swooping down. Claws barely missed his back, making him roll in the ground. He wanted to use Crown Clown, to fight, but there too many, he was just one.

" _Help us, please, save us, it hurts."_ Voices cried out, drowned by the laughter of the tent, by the thunder of the akumas' attacks, dust flying around when they hit the ground. The white fire of their movements seemed to burn the sky.

And fear ruled.

Raz ran, all of her an animal hunted. She tried to focus if there was something in her that would warn of the Earl's proximity, without success. Arrows of darkness charged from the ground, trying to keep one akuma away from her. They avoided the main tent.

She hid under a booth of a shooting game, trying to look around.

" _Don't move. Whatever you do, don't move._ " She told herself, against that part of her that cried out to run, to escape, to run. She was close to some house-like attraction, another booth at her side. Her hand covered her nose. Quiet, she had to stay quiet.

The akumas flew in the air, white birds of prey. Level Four, all of them. The ground displayed holes of their attacks. Their clacking was one with the uproar that came from the tent, making it all a cacophony. She tried to search for Allen, but the akumas kept moving. She could no longer count them.

Raz looked back. Her eyes glimpsed the back of a yellow coat. He seemed to be checking one of the small booths, not having to worry about his own weapons. He was the only one safe in that Hell. The Earl stood straight again.

He turned. His attention on the booth she was hiding.

Raz slithered forward, rushing to the attraction at the side without thinking, only knowing she couldn't be seen, turning a corner and leaning against a wall.

" _Breath, calm down… Breath…"_ Her hand slowly fell at her side, her respiration low, silent. She was in some sort of maze. It didn't worry her. She… She could cross it. The akumas wouldn't be able to see her. And the exit should be at the opposite side, meaning she would be closer to the fence and perhaps then she could climb it while using her shadows for cover.

" _Alright... Alright... Leave this place, find Allen and_ leave _!"_ She spied back. No signs of anyone entering. If she could at least see him, send a signal somehow. Going back crossed her mind, but Raz decided against it. Without time to think about, to consider this idea, she moved on.

Mirrors hanged in a few walls, reflections deformed. Other walls were of glass, coffins with statues beyond them. It was an attraction meant for laughs or harmless frights. Not looking around, Raz pressed on. The figures around grinned at her mockingly, eyes shining in the weak lights. The reflections following were twisted shapes of no meaning.

The sounds of outside were dulled down, becoming whispers. At a corner on the right, the wall joined the floor in a slightly cooked angle, enough to cause a curious sensation. Subtle manipulation in the game. Here and there, a few lights were out, those remaining pale, almost dying.

Her breathing felt hollow.

A blue beam of light in a glass showed a man with wolfish face blinked in disdain. Disdain for the peaceful moments of not long ago. At an intersection Raz didn't have to stop. It was as if the darkness helped her to know the quickest path.

Stay calm.

She ignored a staircase and turned left. The mirrors were far in between now. Above the figures, lights were dead. The walls were pitch black.

Her body stopped without the mind's command.

There was _something_ in here with her.

She turned right next, her senses only know realizing the weight of the silence.

Raz controlled herself. An attempt to confirm if there was anything there (oh, God, there _was_ , she _knew_ ) would only denounce her location. Shadows grew in her hands, with no other purpose but to make her feel better, make her feel _safe_.

Her nerves were shattered.

"Raaz~?" The voice floated, grasping her.

In such a place, to determine the source of sound proved to be impossible. Whatever gentleness there had been in her memory, she wasn't sure it had survived until today. Not when he had acted so insanely the last (first?) time she had seen him.

"Come out, come out wherever you are~!" He called, in a sing-song way. Dread won against whatever warmth the Noah's instinct could cause. Slowly, she turned a corner, trying to look back. Useless. No signal of him except his voice, that echoed around her. "My dear, don't you think this game has gone _far enough_?"

Raz knew, the Earl _had_ noticed her when he had been with his back turned.

He had just been playing with her.

Biting her lower lip, almost to the point of drawing blood, she moved against the ice that tried to hold her in place until she was found, walking faster, still trying to make no noise, to not denounce her exact location.

A low chuckle followed.

_He was getting closer!_

"This brings memories, does it not?" The question was laced with kindness, having the effect of knifes, whether it was his intention or not. Her throat grew dry. There was a longing, a wish to turn around. She wanted to hug him and to run away from him, all at once.

Upon receiving no reply after a few seconds, he said again.

"Awww… I think not?" She couldn't tell if that was actual hurt or mocking. Still he approached. Still getting closer. Each a vibration that pierced her soul.

Her heartbeat was thunder. A part of her heart, in its thundering, seemed to beg her to surrender to her hunter, to end this, no matter how. It would be easier, easier than to deal with those sensations, with that _fear_.

"Someone would _always_ call us to play like this..." The Earl carried on, almost dreamily in his ow recollections. "You would run and hide... But in the end... I. _Always_. Caught. You~!"

Raz looked around. Smooth, black walls. A few lights, dots of dead moonlight. She didn't wonder if this was his doing, or her own perception, no time to think.

Go. Run. Escape. Leave!

A broken melody echoed, devouring air.

 _Little lamb lost in the night_  
_Tell me what makes you cry_  
_Lost and hurt, all alone_  
_Resting among tombstones_

The mockery of a lullaby made her flesh crawl. It pulled the strings of her veins, both those who wanted to see the Earl and those who wanted to escape.

" _No! Easy. Don't let it win. You have to keep going!"_

_As you shiver in fright_   
_Sweet red drips on white_   
_And even if this can be so fun_   
_Don't you know you can't run?_

She hoped the Earl being there didn't mean Allen had been caught already. No. No, he wouldn't! He was fast, he was strong. Her legs protested as she went faster. No more. Nothing around mattered but her escape, leaving, things would be easier once she was out.

But it felt wrong, so _wrong_ to be so scared of him who was her _family_.

 _No matter where you go_  
_Silly lamb white as snow_  
_You can never truly hide_  
_It's my shadow at your side_

His voice was low, gentle, as if all of this was _truly_ just a game.

Her hands bleed more shadows, covering themselves with an oily black. Around, black fog accompanied her. Raz didn't realize it, only aware that she was closer to the exit. Her legs ready to bolt.

_So rest under the moonlight_   
_Close your eyes and no longer weep_   
_In my arms you shall sleep_   
_Little lamb lost in the night_

She didn't stop at an intersection, darkness sensing the dead end, taking the other. Breathing faster, she turned another corner.

Beyond a pale rectangle in the end, the night air called her.

" _Found you!_ "

She avoided him in the last minute.

A pair of golden eyes shone in the dark with a frozen smile.

The Earl stood in front of her, having taken another path sideways.

"It was rather fun, but let's end this game." She waited, ready to fight, but the Earl made no movement to get closer, only leaning towards her. "It's alright, my dear~…"

Raz stood still. He wouldn't be fooled by another show of pretense like before. She needed something else. The hallway was large, but not enough to risk running past him. She had only one chance to do so without getting caught.

"Raz, please…" He insisted, extending his hand as if expecting her to approach, as if hoping to not scare her away. "Come...~"

Raz took a step closer.

She had not forgotten the tears behind that mask. She knew that pain, as well as her own. And she knew that, in his voice and in that hand, laid the only end to that dull ache of longing.

Because they were _family._

They stared at each other.

"You know I don't want to hurt you~..." They both knew it to be true. The Clan was not his slave, not beings that would annul themselves in favor of his desires. The only reason he would attack her now would be to weaken her. Never with murderous intentions.

And not if she agreed to follow.

"I won't go back to that life."

He cocked his head. The silence that followed held hell.

" _Oh_?"

Shadows came to life.

They grew under her feet, helping her to jump over him, even if there was little need. Black needles fell. The Earl recovered quickly. Strong fingers closed around the girl's ankle. She fell, nearly hitting the ground if it wasn't for the Earl's height. Her foot jerked in reflex, finding his face. The Earl groaned, but refused to let go, twisting her like a doll and held her arms in iron grasp. Shadows, in response to their mistress' distress, became needles between their skins. Dark Matter gathered at the Earl's hands in defense, making her bite her lower lip. She leaned her weight down, before twisting her body upwards. Her arms, still in his hold, cried out in white pain. Her foot collided with his face, hitting his nose.

She was free.

Before she could run, the Earl tried to hold her again as he would with a fierce kitten. There was a black storm around them, yet the Patriarch was stronger. Raz tried to fight and bite, until one of her whips managed to hold the man's throat.

Moved by the instinctive response, his hands went up, freeing her.

Raz ran, her body throbbing with pain.

The man cried out for her.

She wanted nothing more than to turn around.

She wanted nothing more than to run away.

The black fence stood in front of her. Grabbing around, she climbed over it, fully aware the Earl was hot on her trail. She could hear the akumas as well when she jumped, darting among the trees.

Raz stopped under a tree. Only now she realized there was a coat of darkness alive around her body, helping her to hide. As long as she didn't venture under direct moonlight, it would be helpful.

Footsteps.

She crouched, seeing the figure of the Earl afar. Away from the lights, he was almost a shadow himself, easily taken as a creature that haunted woods and graveyards.

A white glint a few meters away called her attention.

Contrary to her, Allen was easily seen.

The Earl was looking around, calling for them. The akumas were flying over the forest, some swooping down, slicing the top of trees in their search.

She slithered, surprised the Earl hadn't heard her heartbeat. At the same time, shadows went to Allen. He lifted his hand to his mouth, refraining a sound of surprise. The Earl turned back. He kept still, praying it would work, his eyes searching for Raz.

He saw her, trying to hide close to a stone bench. She indicated the Earl with her head, looking from Allen to him. Both of them kept crouched, unsure of whether to move or not. If they just ran, they would be heard. Even with the mantle of shadows, they were bound to be noticed at a short distance…

They remained frozen. Allen trying to not move, still against the trees. Raz behind a bench, crouched to the ground in a feline matter.

Raz was assaulted by an idea. It was _ridiculous_ , but it was better than _nothing_. Slowly, as if just by breathing she risked discovery, she took off her shoe with her foot. It was wrapped by blackness… it was slowly dragged… And thrown in another direction.

Even with the cries and trees breaking, that particular sound, resembling of a person falling, seemed to carry on above it all.

The Earl seemed to hesitate.

_"Please go, please go, please go…"_

The Earl turned. And stared to walk, gracefully despite his build, making no sound. Allen hurried up, close to the ground. There were flashes of white when the akumas swooped down again, not resting in their search. There seemed to be cries, yells close by. They couldn't tell if by people leaving the circus (too soon) or if the commotion had finally called attention.

They knew it wouldn't make a difference, they had just a few extra seconds. They ran, doing their best to avoid moonlit areas, stopping when they realized an akuma flying down to inspect the area before taking the skies again.

There was a sound behind them. Even with the growing distance, they knew the Earl had once more given chase. And this time, in the right direction.

" _Faster, c'mon!"_ Allen told his own body, neither of them caring now to what happened around, running in a straight line. His heart gave a jump of relief upon seeing the park's exit. There were people gathered there, pointing at the sky and he recognized police uniforms from afar.

"RUN!" He cried out by instinct, unable to stop himself. "You need to leave, _now_!"

They didn't stop to explain, most people seemed to not heed the warning. They ran towards an area on the street with a few carriage cabs, not unlike the one that had brought them there.

Hey, what a…" The man exclaimed in anger and surprise when Allen opened the door and Raz went inside in a hurry that only fear could inspire. "Hey, what's going…"

"Please, take us to the city's station! As fast as you can, I pay!" Allen didn't wait for an answer as he closed the door. The Earl was close, too close, what if he had seen them entering the carriage?

"What the hell? Why are you…"

"Our mother is dying! Please, help us!" Raz yelled, leaning outside the window, not needing to pretend the despair in her tone. The man grumbled something, but wouldn't refuse a payment and shook the reigns, making the horse started a trot that soon became as fast as it was allowed.

Neither of them dared to open the curtains or to look outside.

They only prayed they would be able to leave.

* * *

 

**Wolf: Whew, finally!  
**

**Wisely: You should be sorry about how lame this still is. What a let down!**

**Wolf: Will you ever have something nice to say to me?**

**Wisely: When you stop letting those two escape, yes.**

**Allen: It would help if someone wasn't so creepy all the time! Really, what was that with the song?**

**Earl: Raz knew it, I thought it would help.**

**Allen: Help her with what? New nightmares?**

**Wolf: I know those lyrics were probably very lame, but I tried my best, as I have less experience with poems/lyrics than with prose. I wrote them while having in mind the melody of " _Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"_ of the Dead Space game.**

**Alison: Somehow, nothing of this comes as a surprise to me…**

 

 


	31. Act Thirty-One – Of Secrets and Despair

" _A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults." –_ Charles Kingsley _.  
_

The Order never stopped.

Security patrol could be seen at day and night alike, Exorcists or Finders could return even in late hours. Since the war never stopped, The Order didn't either.

It didn't escape Klaud how there had been an increase in the so-called "safety measures". The last invasion of the Noah Clan, added to how it had been the second time they managed to do in what should be an untouchable oasis, worked as an acceptable justification for this, of course, but Klaud didn't allow herself to be touched by it. The timeline of occurrences might add up, but didn't feel right.

There was something about those new procedures that invited a taste of iron to her mouth.

It was her luck, Klaud thought as she walked along a wall in the corridor, that Lau could smell and inspect inf there was anyone ahead and warn her in time. While she wouldn't have time or place to hide, Klaud would count her blessings. If anyone found her, she had a lie about insomnia ready. It wasn't an uncommon affliction among Exorcists… Yet, with the growing strictness around, it might not be just enough to save her from possible trouble or the attention she was trying hard to avoid.

" _At least I'm in no risk of meeting Levelier…"_ She knew for a fact he should be "testing a new recipe". The Inspector had commented about it around the Order and he tended to do so during the night, lacking the free time during the day.

It hadn't been by chance that Klaud had chosen this night to act.

Lau had had no issue with running by windowsills and crossing the roof towards the man's personal quarters. Upon returning to Klaud, who had waited sitting by her window as a child counting stars, he was carrying a small silver chain with five keys in his mouth.

Now they had to be fast.

Lau ran close to the wall, the white tail making a small curve in the air. The monkey stopped at the end of the hallway, standing in the hind legs and stayed there without moving, waiting for his owner in a signal that there was no one close by. Klaud took a deep breath, moving like a cat and avoiding even the pools of moonlight that entered through the windows.

There, following the turn to the left.

The Archives Room.

The only place where information of thirty-five years ago could be found.

Conscious of the sound of her own breathing, disturbing the silence around, she approached. Her own blood seemed to echo in her ears as she couldn't help being relieved that there were no guards.

" _At least for now. Or maybe the Central considers it unnecessary?"_ After all, the only one who had the keys was Levelier and perhaps the Cardinals. But no, the idea made no sense with the increase of security.

No time to waste with the thought.

At the third key, the door unlocked. She opened it just enough for Lau, but the whisper of it seemed to become a cacophony in the silence. Lau slithered inside and there was a moment during which Klaud could only stand still before he returned, waving his tail. It was safe.

She slithered inside in a similar manner, closing the door behind her. Klaud knew the sounds seemed louder due to her own tension, but the rationalization didn't help. Lau climbed up to her shoulder, head held high in attention as she turned a small flashlight on. It would be too risky to turn the lights on. It could even activate a sort of alarm for all she knew.

If the Order would increase "security", Klaud would take the exact same care.

" _Perhaps it's the middle of change of shifts?"_ Her mind remained on the door without guards. No, it shouldn't be that either. Maybe they were still deciding about it? It made her think about the place Hevlaska stayed, in the depths of the building. It had never had a heavy security in the past.

This had changed now.

Klaud ventured in the forest of tall shelves, the smell of paper mixing with metal. The weak beam of light dropped, touching drawers and machines at the end of the room. She looked around, in search of any indicative that helped her to guide herself. There should be a plaque, a number on the shelves, anything.

Was that steps outside?

She stopped. The door should be too thick to allow the passage of sounds.

No, nothing.

In any case, she had to be fast.

She pulled a drawer open. The moan of metal was thunder. It seemed to last in the following silence like a ghost. Her senses automatically sharpened, in searching and waiting for the sound of voices or steps. Nothing. She had to keep control, be fast and leave. To steal the actual archives was insanity, but she was sure one of the machines she had stopped in the end of the room was a copier. There should be at least one there, right?

Her fingers ran across the files of brown paper, half-opening a few just enough so the light slithered inside enough to reveal words.

"The pure energy contained… Time of duration: Two minutes… Specimen displayed reactions…"

Reports of experiments with Innocence. Her organs shrunk for reasons that had nothing to do with tension and she caught a glimpse of black-and-white photos. Closing her eyes, she closed the drawer with a shiver of disgust, trying to bury the image before her brain could fully decipher what it was.

Leaning her hands on the drawer, Klaud lowered her head between her arms, needing to force the lungs to work as a dry taste of puke went up her mouth.

God.

Lau nuzzled the corner of her forehead, the small paw holding her hair as his tail waved in worry.

" _Get a grip! Get a move on!"_ She reprimanded herself. " _Stop wasting time!"_

She left that corridor, taking deep breaths as she tried to not think about all the files and drawers there or the size of the area dedicated to that subject.

Examining once again, the light fell over letters that seemed to identify some shelves, but it was not enough to offer context. No choice but to continue to look here and there. Some date… Some report… It was not possible that there was not _something!_ Register of events, of akumas or battles…

As she moved between shelves, along with the sound of her fingertips against files and drawers being open, at times Klaud was assaulted by the sensation of whispers, from the shadows and the archives, as if she was not alone.

It was nonsense. If there was anything there, Lau would have sensed it and so would she. This was merely a projection of her own tension. Nothing more. Yet, the silence and the shadows fed of her presence and responded by teasing her sensations. For a moment, her body recalled the feeling of darkness against her eyes and the optic nerves shivered.

Klaud pushed the memory aside. She had not reached the position of General by being a scared little girl with no emotional control. She just needed to focus.

A few drawers were marked by numbers, others by initials. Some had those in the base of the shelf. But there might as well be nothing as there was no sense to be taken from those.

Until she found some shelves whose marks clearly indicated years.

" _Finally!"_

Excitation shone inside her as Klaud now guided herself, walking to past years, without allowing herself to be bothered by the quantity of files found. The division of subjects, however, would be easier to realize once she looked the files.

Five years…

Then ten…

Twenty…

There it was. Exact thirty-five years past. Klaud stopped for an instant, focusing for any sound beyond those of her own heart, finding nothing else in the air. Still, she had delayed for far too long already, maybe more than half an hour and only now she had found the correct point.

There were several drawers, thick files resting side by side, only small labels standing out with unknown initials.

Klaud started to check each other patiently.

Registration of new Exorcists. No.

Reports of what seemed to be a kind of experiment. She briefly wondered if those were sketches of what would become the Second Exorcists or something alike… How many things of this nature had been done in that time?

She placed the file back almost violently.

Details of progress of study of Innocence. Useless.

Registrations of technological progress. Well, that would have been interesting in another occasion, since the Order boasted machines and equipment that she wouldn't have judged possible to exist before becoming an Exorcist herself.

Past reports of other studies… Phenomena possible related to Innocence…

Battles.

That was what truly interested her and she picked the file, opening with one hand and illuminating the sheets with the flashlight. Reports of battles, description of akumas (likely for analyses of data)… After the search, the thirst for info would have made Klaud sit there and read everything until her eyes were tired.

If she could.

She kept searching among the files until she had all that could have any sort of information about past battles and studies about either Noahs or akumas. There should be something useful here that could give her at least a "feel" of the situation of thirty-five years prior. If Neah had exterminated the Clan back then, perhaps the Order had some critical detail that would make more sense today.

Perhaps she wouldn't find anything of great help, but it was better than to wait for new events.

About to walk away, Klaud hesitated… And made the same search in the shelf regarding thirty-six years ago just in case, careful to not mix the files. It was better than risking regretting to have limited herself to search just one limited year.

" _This is going to take time to copy…"_ A new worry found birth in her at that, which didn't improve when she saw there was only one copying machine in a corner of the room. Probably, the Order didn't make many copies, except to keep them locked in case something happened to the originals.

" _Damn it…"_ Klaud started to work, Lau climbing down her shoulder and running to stand close to the door, ready to warn her should someone approach.

A low, whirling-like sound was born from the machine. The thing seemed to work with purposely slowness, even as the sheets accumulated.

" _C'mon, c'mon, you piece of trash."_ She cursed in her mind, looking back to the door's direction. Lau was becoming restless as well, his tail whipping the air and floor as he moved as if standing and sitting in quick movements.

When the copies of one year were done, Klaud rushed to place the originals back in place as the machine kept working. She was careful to leave them in the exact same spot of before, knowing how well trained the eyes that saw they could be. Careful, she needed to be careful.

A noise.

A _known_ noise.

Lau let out a small screech.

He rushed to one of the shelves, climbing to the top. Klaud's heart stopped for a moment.

She looked back to the machine. There were still papers to be copied.

" _Damn it."_

Having locked the door upon entering, Klaud stood still, waiting for the sound of the lock at any moment… The machine's buzz kept going. She picked the finished copies, cold slithering in the back of her neck.

" _Come on, come on."_

The sound of a key was like a slap.

At the moment the last paper slid to the board, Klaud grabbed it, turning off the copier without caring for the proper procedure. The flashlight was turned off while a pale light ventured into the room when the door opened.

Doing her best to not make a sound, Klaud stepped away, hiding behind a shelf. The coldness pierced through clothing and skin alike. Who would be here at this time? Had Levelier noticed the missing keys?

The light was but a veil of the moonlight from the hallway. She could barely make out the figure coming closer. She slid to a dark corner, holding the papers and hoping they wouldn't brush against each other. In that tomb of secrets, even that sound would denounce her.

The door was ajar… Could she risk leaving now or should she wait the person leaving first?

She still had to place the reports of thirty-six years back on the shelf, too.

She lowered herself a little, spying from her hiding spot. In the silence, those steps were no more than a delicate brushing sound. The person was close to where she had been moments ago. Klaud didn't dare to breathe. All she could distinguish was the figure of a long coat, the shape of the hair. The head turned and the brief reflex denounced round glasses, almost crystal-like.

Heart insane with fear, the woman slid back to between the shelves, attentive to any move. That soft brushing again… Was the person walking between the shelves?

Did he or she know of her presence?

As delicately as she could, Klaud placed the files back… Slowly, she started to push the drawer close… Easy… Easy…

A _clank_ of metal.

Her blood froze.

The steps had stopped.

She closed the drawer, still trying to prevent any other sound, ignoring the protests of instinct to run. Lau climbed down, a fast shadow, jumping to her shoulder as she picked the copies she had left on the floor.

The steps were closer now, as careful as she was.

Almost as a cat, Klaud placed distance between her and those sounds.

She went against the wall. Her eyes searched for that presence as she slid closer to the door, muscles iron under skin. Easy… Where was that person?

Lau's heartbeat was as fast as her own, she could sense it echoing inside her.

She lowered herself once more. She was close to the door now, just a little…

Her leg crossed the threshold, trying to not open the door more than it already was. Her body followed.

At the second she was out of the room, a person walked from between the shelves.

Klaud walked away as fast as she could, only her heartbeats remaining in the air as a trait. Whoever that person was, she was almost sure it was someone she had crossed paths with.

But recollection escaped her.

The shining glasses remained in her mind.

As well as those steps.

They had sounded almost like feathers.

**XxX**

Shivers till dominated Allen's nerves, turning them into splinters. At any moment, he expected the door to open, for screams to start, for _something_ to happen. The instinct of a cornered animal was on command, survival taking control as much as of a bird that, feeling the predator close by, cannot do anything else but to fly.

Only for them to be shot down.

The attempts at calming down were not having much results and when the train trembled, his body responded with an involuntary spasm, the echo of a laughter being called back from the depths of his mind.

But it was just the train starting its path on the rails.

Allen tried to swallow the air that had stopped on his throat, his mouth dry as he turned to his backpack, picking a small water bottle that was almost empty. As he did so, Allen noticed for the first time that a few shadows around seemed to shiver with the anxiety of baby birds.

Raz was across him, completely still. When their eyes crossed, she tilted her head.

"How do you feel?"

Allen hesitated, feeling he should be the one asking. He couldn't say he was alright, despite the lack of serious injuries. He realized that even back when he had first crossed paths with the Earl since leaving the Order, he had not been so close of being captured. The man's expression when finding them in the park… Allen had thought before that seeing the Noah Patriarch apparently insane had been worst than any other thing.

Now he reconsidered the idea.

"I… I don't know." He confessed at least. "That was… Too much of a close call…"

Raz limited herself to a nod of agreement that spoke more than it should. Despite the exhaustion that assaulted both of them, their bodies refused any attempt of rest. They might as well have tried to cease their own lungs from functioning.

The man of the dray had not been at all happy with the both of them, but at least he had apparently accepted Raz's lie. Allen had tried to apologize during the straight way to the train station, to which the man had just grumbled in response. It hadn't bother them as much as one could imagine, once they had spent half of their time looking through the back window, expecting an attack. The fact the man had ignored them worked well, as Allen had kept his eye activated during the path.

They had paid the man quickly, rushing to the station in search of any train. To stay in the town now would be suicide and walking through an open road where they could easily be found and cornered was no better.

Recalling what Ben Hanscom had said about the chance of the circus being near London, Allen had asked the man at the ticket booth if there was any train heading there. The reply had been more than disappointing.

"I'm sorry, but you just missed it…" The young brown-haired man had looked from one to another, taking in their appearances. "The next one will come by tomorrow, maybe you should just take it easy until there…"

Allen shook his head. On another occasion, they might have done just that. A groan had been caught in the base of Allen's throat, as it was usually easy to find trains to a place like London.

"The next train to leave. Where does it go?" Raz had asked, her usually calm tone tainted by anxiety. It was almost nothing, but to Allen, it felt close to see her screaming. "It is urgent."

"Well, there is one leaving for Suffolk now. It stops in several cities, but from there you could pick one to London… Or maybe even a ship, I guess…" The man had added, uncertain before the disheveled teens, who asked for tickets at once.

The destination didn't matter much, as long as they could leave _immediately_.

He placed the bottle back in the bag, not feeling any better. He looked at Raz, who was looking through the window, knowing better than to believe she was as calm as she appeared to. Words felt weak, as if he was unable to form them. In the end, Allen picked a map and laid it out on the small eating table between their seats. Raz leaned to take a look.

"Well…" He muttered, trying to focus his mind on the path to follow now. "This goes as far as Suffolk… We can go down anywhere and just take another…"

"And from then, to London…" The girl muttered, just as unable as he was to pay much attention to the subject, loosening her hair from the ponytail, the black-blue strands falling over her shoulders, then crossing her arms over the table.

Allen said nothing. The dryness of his stomach returned stronger, to the point he could feel the inner walls cracking. Before, Wisely had told him that the Clan planned to leave him and Raz be in order to lure Apocryphois… Not for the first time, the boy reflected that perhaps they had been hunted with as much intensity until now due to that, regardless of how the Akumas had been appearing after him with more frequency…

Now, it seemed that…

He didn't want to go on with the thought, as if scared of where it would lead him.

Silence remained between them. Allen watched the figures passing by outside the window while Raz laid her head on her arms, eyes closed. He knew she was still awake. He wanted to talk to her, but wasn't sure of what to say or how to convey what he wanted to her…

Neither of them had until now given much thought to what meant to carry a Noah's memory and the nature of the change from human to Noah. Allen because he was aware his case was not like the other's and Raz because she had been through such already anyway. There had been times she had tried to think about what her life had been before that, the "human" life she had had, but even the concept was too buried inside her to make any sense… As such, she had soon stopped thinking about it, accepting what she was now. When the idea returned, it was always as a ghost of a childhood's dream.

Once more, Allen remembered Wisely calling them "siblings" and how they belonged to the Clan… Tyki Mikk in the Forest of Lights, smiling cruelly about how it would be better when they understood there was no place for them in the world except with the Clan… Memories that needed just one second to be revived, accompanied by the ghost of others.

Despite aware the Earl had meant her no harm, Raz had still been afraid. And it was a bitter feeling, almost that of a child realizing they fear their own parents, no matter how much they still love them.

Love and fear were not supposed to walk together.

Allen could see this and could not say he knew how it felt. Perhaps it wasn't as exclusive as the "Noah's Memory" as he might have thought months ago, as much as this likely had its place in the equation, but it could as well as be more related to Raz's own heart, emotions from the past seeking to revive what the mind had lost.

Maybe the Clan's intentions (at least regarding _her_ ) were indeed guided by affection or longing, but it didn't change the sensations this behavior caused…

" _But you do remember how the Earl was when you met him before? He was almost insane… At the same time… He was crying…"_

That was true… Maybe the man hadn't even realized what he was doing at the time (doubtlessly he had seemed to recover some sense when saying everything was Mana's fault).

Even before knowing he carried a Noah, Road and Tyki had claimed to have some liking for him. Not enough to not kill him (expected as they were in a war), but even so… Considering it might be true (something Allen had never thought much about before), there was no reason whatsoever for this, much less for them to say so if you took how they despised humans…

Hand running through his hair as if to send those thoughts away, Allen took a deep breath. Truth was, when those thoughts came to him, the only conclusion was that he couldn't comprehend certain aspects of the Noahs.

But perhaps, what was beyond denial, was that they loved their family just as much Allen loved his.

" _We shall make so you will never return to the Order."_ The Earl had said it a little before waking Alma Karma. Not that he had been referring to "Allen" and he knew this. It was Neah he sought.

" _It isn't as if you can stay here, right?"_

In this, the Earl had been right…

"Raz…" He tried softly. Blue-grey eyes opened, looking at him. That look from the night he had found her had returned, glass eyes of a doll suddenly coming to life and unable to understand where she was. Or even who.

"How… How are you holding up?" He tried to ignore how dry his throat felt. Without changing position, she merely tilted her head. "I mean… It is the second time you…" The next words had no need to be said and, for some reason Allen couldn't explain, were better left unsaid anyway. Allen wanted to have something to offer, words or gestures, but his mind was empty.

Meeting the other Noahs, even if just crossing paths, was something. Even Wisely, despite him clearly recalling past events somehow.

With the Earl, it was a different matter altogether.

And also taking in the first real memory she had recovered.

Raz kept her silence as well as the eye contact.

"I remember what I felt…" The hesitation might have had roots in any motive, but Allen felt the undertones. Raz seemed to almost flinch before raising her head just a little, back still leaned. She might have been speaking to herself and the apparent calmness didn't match the words.

"When I was with Mana and Neah…" There was something when those names were said that echoed in Allen. "It was as if there was nothing wrong… As if we would always be together. It felt… Natural."

Allen knew enough to be aware that sentimentalism for the past had little to no role in this. Dismissing how friendship, real friendship feels, there was also the way the Noahs treated each other. It was indeed something natural.

" _Perhaps…"_ A thought occurred to Allen. " _Because we see humans who hurt their own children, we can't fully understand how this feels…"_ Before, Allen would have protested the idea. Now, a part of him accepted it without questioning, something he didn't want to dwell on.

"But it wasn't like this, was it?" She carried on and it seemed to Allen that she had huddled herself a little. "I don't know what happened. But I _feel_ it. I feel it inside me…" For a second, the girl seemed confused, as if wondering how something emotional could hurt in a physical sense. Allen, having lost someone, understood it.

For a few seconds, she said nothing else.

"I… I wanted to go with him…" The whisper had all the qualities of a confession. "Despite everything, I still… I wanted…"

And hadn't she, back in the alley when they had first met, regretted attacking him?

Was that how it felt to fight someone you cared for?

"The Noah's Memory…?" Allen tried gently. After considering it, Raz shook her head, looking down.

"No… Talking like this, it gives the idea of… Of something that is _in_ me, but it is not completely _me_ …" She looked back at him, unsure if what she was saying made any sense. "Like… Like a feeling I have to bear, but that belongs to someone else, I guess." Raz would have liked to have better means to describe it, but it would be like translating the touch of the moonlight.

Allen leaned forwards, resting his hand on her arm.

"What I felt for him, for the others… I just never left. Things changed, but I… I still…" Her voice died slowly and she took a deep breath.

"Raz…" Allen muttered, heaviness finding birth in him. As if sensing some thread in the cadence of his tone, that was far too similar to how he had spoke back when she had first seen akumas, back in that room while her shredded hands were wrapped in gauzes, the girl looked back at him.

"I won't change my decision… But…"

Her shoulders fell. Perhaps all the words, all the explanations, could be reduced to a simple sentence.

"They are my family…" She whispered. And still a part of her seemed unable to fully comprehend the meaning behind the term. Once more, the image of a black chess piece tossed among white ones came to her mind.

Allen stood up and went to sit at her side, his arms going around her shoulders in a gently embrace. The Noah didn't shiver or hesitate, merely allowing the boy to hold her. Slowly, Allen's hand started to brush her hair.

"Raz…" He muttered in the same tone. "Do you remember what you told me before? When we were at Mother's?"

She didn't move.

"You told me that you would listen to me, even if I didn't say anything. You know I'll do the same, right?"

This time, a shivering crossed flesh and touched skin. A weak sound escaped her throat. The pain inside followed. Slowly, tentatively, her hands grasped the front of Allen's shirt while he caressed her back.

"Earl…" With her face hidden on his chest, the whimper was muffled. " _Earl_."

Allen felt the word more than heard it.

" _I'm sorry…"_

By instinct, his hold tightened, as if the flesh under the skin was about to shatter. A soft humidity on his shirt denounced a few tears that had escaped her control. He rested his face against her head.

"I'm here for you…" He couldn't say it would be alright, the words would be too empty. Any form of comfort that came to him invited the taste of clichés, so Allen opted to remain holding her, hoping to ease her heart somehow. "We… We will deal with this, okay? Somehow, we will overcome all of this."

The tears had stopped, but he knew it meant nothing. Not for the first time, Allen wondered how things had reached this point… Not only for himself, but for Raz as well… When had all of this started? When had this war started? When the first wire of hate had been formed, becoming that warped mess?

"I won't change my decision either…" He whispered to her. Her response was a sound that was too similar to a bone breaking for his tastes.

He kept holding her for a while, trying to convey what he wanted her to understand through gestures rather than words. Even so, when they parted, Allen knew the hurting had merely backed a little, leaving a thorn as a reminder for the next time it would wake.

"We will keep going on, then…" Her muttering was merely to fill a little the silence. Her eyes were hollow, in a way different from usual.

"Exactly…" There was a whisper from his own mind about what might happen when they found the truth they searched for, but Allen ignored it. Things had been bad enough today without those ideas infecting the compartment.

"Hey… Maybe we should call Elana and the others?"

When Raz looked at him, Allen was relieved to see a bit of life returning to her eyes. It wasn't a matter of "should" either, but also of "had to".

"You know how Elana gets when she doesn't hear from us." It had been just one day, but so what?

Besides, they had to tell them about Chaozii. The thought called back bitter sensations.

Allen had seen different models of golem's back at the Order and it was clear the prime material had come from there, but Johnny had found a way to match the general design with new details that resulted in something new and entirely their own, which Allen knew that had been well-received not only for the need of communication. He wasn't free of the sensation either, though he had only realized it once the thing was ready.

There was a low sound, almost a buzzing, before a connection was made.

"Hello?" Samuel's panther-like voice sounded and they could hear someone speaking in the background. "Raz? Allen?"

"Yeah, it's us." Allen replied. "How are you guys?" There was a low chuckle from the man and they could hear Alison's greeting. The compartment seemed to grow warmer.

"Hi, Allen!" After the sound of a door moving, the voice of Johnny followed.

"As fine as we can be, in this sorry excuse of a house." Lauren's response made Allen wonder if something else had broken in the meantime. His personal bet was some step of the stairs or one of the remaining chairs. Heavens knew they were worth nothing by now.

"Where were you two, anyway?" Elana was heard asking, not to Allen and Raz, but to them.

"Looking around, making sure there is nothing left in here that we could sell..." Allen supposed the persistence was to be admired. When they had found the house, while preparing themselves and waiting for the Exorcists, they had all been attentive for anything valuable that might have been left behind by mistake or escaped others who had ventured there either by dare or by a similar idea. Needless to say, it had been useless. The place had already been stripped bare.

"We found a chest, but there was nothing inside. Except termites." Johnny's reply certainly explained Lauren's comment. The girl had no issues with certain insects or bugs, but termites were included on the list of creatures she _couldn't_ stand.

Knowing her, she probably had suggested setting the thing on fire.

"What about you guys? Have you reached a town already or what?" A lighter voice asked before anyone could continue. Allen's heart jumped.

"Lavi!" It was good to hear him. "How are you feeling?"

"Getting better." The other was clearly trying to sound as cheerful as always, but the attempt didn't work with his voice heavier than it used to be, subtle scars that spoke of the last months. Still, Allen recognize the " _strike_ " tone in Lavi's following words. "How could I not, with the care of such gorgeous women? The sight alone is a dream to behold. Now I only wish I could convince them to go out with me."

Someone laughed.

"Don't look at me, I'm taken." Elana was saying. Allen couldn't stop a chuckle as he imagined the scenario, relieved to see typical traits of Lavi's behavior. In the few days following his rescue, Lavi had stayed in silence for long moments and, though he often tried to act as before, it was always hollow, almost a ghost trying to act like it had before. Only now a little life had returned to his manners, to Allen's relief.

"Told you he is always like this." He couldn't help but to say and tried. "Lavi, at least try to behave, will you?"

"Yeah, yeah." Usually, when Allen called his attention like this, the redheaded would point out how he was older than the white-haired boy.

"But what about you guys?" Lauren echoed Lavi's question.

"Oh, we are fine. We arrived soon enough." Raz said. "But the circus was not the right one, so now we're heading to Suffolk. From there, we'll go to London."

"Whatever for?"

"Well, the ringleader of the circus we met said they might be there." Allen completed. It was nothing certain, but what else could they do?

"Oh, okay. Maybe we can meet you there…" It would depend on how much more Lavi and Bookman would take to fully recover. Maybe Allen and Raz would be able to wait for them there. "As long as we take care, I think it will be okay."

"You should lay low…" Raz interjected. "As soon as you can, take a train."

"We saw Chaozii on the road."

A second of hesitation.

"Who is that, again?" Alison's question, though genuine in the matter of the person, was not one of confusion. It was clear that, whichever side that person was, it meant nothing good for them.

"Chaozii Han, he is an Exorcist…" Lavi's voice was cut by Elana's, in a tone just like when finding them after they had been ambushed by the Earl. Allen allowed himself a moment to be a little amused by the similar occasions.

"Don't you two tell me that…"

"We crossed paths at the road!" Allen said quickly. "Not my fault this time, I _swear_!" He added, betting she was thinking back of when he had insisted on helping Klaud Nine. The woman responded with a sigh while Lavi made a sound somewhat resembling a laugh. Perhaps it was the closest he could do for now.

"Wow, Allen, you're really _cursed_!"

"Geez, thank you." Allen replied with false sarcasm, only happy to see Lavi at least trying to jest. Some of them still chuckled, but it was not enough to dissipate the worry that had taken over the atmosphere. By Allen's tone when he spoke of the man, it was easy to guess he wouldn't keep it to himself like Klaud had done.

"I guess this time…" Samuel said slowly, not needing to verbalize what they were all thinking.

"Probably…" Raz confirmed, recalling how the man had looked at both of them. As much as she didn't want to, a part of her insisted even now that killing him would have been not only more sensate, but more pleasurable as well.

"The Order may send someone, so… You know. Take care." It was not a matter of "may", but of "certainly" this time. Allen could only thank that they had all stayed in an abandoned house rather than walking around the town enough to make it possible for someone to recognize a photo of himself. While one might argue there was also the hope that the Order would prefer to search for possible towns where he could have gone instead of where he and Raz could have come from, he knew how they operated too much to allow himself that.

"Sorry to say, Allen, but I guess I agree with Lavi…"

"Hey, what side are you on?"

**XxX**

Reever hesitated as his hands rested in the pockets of the white coat, his hair fresh washed. He had just been leaving his room, his thoughts more on the breakfast than the duties of the day (including a pile of reports Komui had once again ignored until the deadline) and the relief that everyone had returned safely and that Lavi and Bookman had been rescued. He wondered if Kanda would be too furious if he insisted on getting in contact with that group to talk to them.

Now he was in one of the hallways, facing the pale eyes of Noise Marie.

Both had always had a friendly relationship, but though the man's eyes couldn't see, they weighted over him all the same along with something marking his features. Reever couldn't claim to know what the Exorcist had in mind, Marie had just called him in the hallway, most likely recognizing the sound of his steps or even his own heartbeat. Other people would call it impossible, but not only Marie had senses naturally heightened as it often happened with blind people, he had his sound-related Innocence as well.

"Huh…" Reever started, unsure. "Marie?"

"Chief Reever," The other started, words marked by a deliberation that invited a new sort of tension to his senses. "What is going on between you and Miranda exactly?"

At the moment he heard those words, Reever could only thank his luck star that there was no one around to see the red wave taking over his face. Perhaps the question was not quite surprising or unexpected as it was no secret that Marie and Miranda had become close friends during their missions.

He wondered if the Exorcist was able to hear even how his heartbeat increased suddenly. He was convinced the answer would be positive. If Marie found it amusing, he didn't show it.

"What can I say?" His vocal chords felt a little heavy. It was _ridiculous_ , of course. He was far from being a silly teenage boy with a crush, for crying out loud. "I love her."

And so it was. Pure and simply. When he had left the room of the portals with the woman, they had taken time to talk about her (official) mission as he sought to soothe whatever tension had followed her back to the Order. Later, once they were alone and sure there were no unwanted ears close by, their conversation had ventured to the true mission.

Reever had seen the wounds in her arms. Some point along the conversation, he had realized they were still holding hands and Miranda had discarded her gloves. Between some gauzes, it was possible to see the scars caused so long ago by Road's candles, the once-smooth skin now twisted, nearly sunken at the center somehow, with veins-like lines growing out of it.

Without thinking in what he was doing, Reever had taken one of her hands and placed a light kiss. Miranda's face had at once reacted by growing red, but she had smiled, not displeased with it. In the following silence, he had caressed her face with his free hand, touching the brown hair. Miranda was then the one holding his hand, not willing to partake just yet and with this, they had approached without need for words.

There was a saying about nothing like a first kiss. Reever found himself in agreement with it.

The following conversation had had nothing to do with missions or Noahs or anything of the sort, fading to the depths of his mind to give space to something far bigger.

Reever hadn't bothered to think whether or not others had noticed it already.

Marie lifted his eyebrows. It could appear at first as controlled curiosity, but it certainly didn't feel as such.

"Then, you are together?"

"Yes."

Despite his pale eyes, Reever felt as if the other was somehow able to dissect him with his look alone. Finally, the man nodded.

"Well… Miranda does like you." It had been easy for him to notice it a long time ago and not only due to his senses. Before Reever had the chance to say anything else, Marie leaned closer to him, his voice lowered to almost a whisper. "I just wanted to remind you that I care about her. Miranda is my colleague and my friend. I still remember when we went on our first mission together."

She had been almost like a lamb, at times insecure and shy. Frequently tense, but always doing her best. Eventually, Marie had understood the roots of this in small comments regarding her home town and old life. No matter if it was about her parents giving up on her, friends getting tired of her, the shakes of head and comments about her failure, they were made in a light tone, as if they were just bones left in their tombs.

It could have fooled anyone else, but not a man who could hear the details of her heartbeat, the pulsation of scars that were still there.

It hadn't taken much time for them to become friends and, if anyone asked Marie, Miranda was his little sister, blood connections be damned.

Therefore…

"What I mean is just that I don't like to see my friends sad." His face opened in a smile of a knife, his tone like honey. "So, this probably sounds cliché, but the truth is that if I ever suspect you so much as made her eyes water… I'll blow you brain up with the most acute sound I can produce. That's all."

Reever had always regarded Marie as a friend, but at that moment, he thought he would prefer to be facing a shark.

"I won't make her cry, Marie! For Heaven's sake, I just said I love her."

"Great! Then we're in agreement!" The other stood straight, that smile never leaving his face as he continued his way as if nothing had happened. Reever still stood there for a few moments, his body lacking the will to move due to the chill in his spine.

He frankly wondered if the Noahs wouldn't think twice before challenging Marie if he smiled like that to them.

**XxX**

Klaud barely heard what was being said around, her focus directed to the movements, the strength going through her muscles and the aimed blows. The nature of the Innocence didn't matter when it came down to training, every Exorcist always worked in any possible way, physical and mentally alike.

Not that today's session was being easy. She had spent almost the whole night up with the copies of reports and even when she had been too tired for her mind to interpret what she was reading, her body had been unable to fully give in to rest. Decent sleep had eluded her, her subconscious still trying to process the new info in search of _something._

Even now, she knew there was something there. And the sensation that it was slipping her attention was detestable.

The muttering around was of no help, either. As much as she was not paying attention to it, the meaning was in the air as a poison. Even without it, she would have known what was probably the subject. As a bug bite that goes from a prickling to an unbearable itch, those mutterings stuck to the flesh, accumulating, closing pores and invading the organism.

Once more, she punched the target ahead, body hot with anger.

She had known, as soon as she had seen Chaozii Hand, that there was something wrong. In her lap, Lau had waved his tail, his small paws holding to her sleeves in a way that indicated his uneasiness. She had rested her hand on his back with a caress that usually calmed him down, despite sharing the sensation.

There had been a sensation of urgency in the reunion to be added to the shine in the man's black eyes. She couldn't interpret what slithered under the lines of his face, but whatever it was, it didn't give her a pleasant feeling.

"Mr. Han, welcome back." Levelier greeted him, hands over the table with only the fingertips touching each other after his secretary had offered a brief summary of the goal of the mission the Exorcist had left for. "Your report, please?"

It was a matter of protocol at work here. Chaozii had apparently made it clear he had vital information to tell as soon as he had returned.

"The phenomena I was investigating in Lincolnshire was not related to Innocence, but a rare occurrence. I didn't find any akumas there, so maybe they already knew it, but there were rumors of disappearances in a nearby town, so I went there just in case. It was because of three akumas of Level Three."

The others nodded with apparent calmness. It was not necessary to go into much detail when investigation of possible Innocence had results like those. Klaud studied Levelier in search of any hint of what he might be thinking. There was a sensation of iron in the air. If Chaozii had pertinent information, then he should have told the Central already.

Was Levelier already aware of whatever Chaozii had to say as well?

"Did they say anything?"

Why was he dragging this along? Plays of suspense had no room in those reunions. At the same time, it was a valid question… Though usually akumas merely mocked and threatened, there had been occasions they made comments that could be interesting. At least when they were of two or three level, smart enough to talk, but at times not enough to keep certain things to themselves. Not only that, but the Earl had made use of them to send messages in the past.

Last occurrence had been when he had announced the "beginning of the end" which, while not information, had still interested the Central.

"No sir. I just exterminated them and headed back to the city to use the Portal. On my way back, I met Allen Walker."

Klaud's muscles hardened briefly and she felt, more than saw, the others' reactions.

" _Damn it."_

"Allen Walker?"

"Are you sure?"

"Did he attack you? He…"

"Gentlemen!" Levelier called out, interrupting the flux of words and turning back to Chaozii without saying anything, his sharp expression alone to order the Exorcist to explain. As everyone's attention was on the Exorcist, Klaud watched Kanda with the corner of her eyes. Being a General now, it was his duty to be present at those reunions, though he made no attempt to hide his displeasure.

His face was a mask. If it wasn't for the natural shine of the eyes, he might have passed by a statue.

Chaozii's voice weaved words like a spiderweb, threads dripping with despise.

"I found him by chance. I don't know where he was going."

"Was he with a human appearance?" Komui asked at once, the controlled manners making it seem he cared nothing for the subject. Klaud evaluated his tone and expression. Professional. Calm. One wouldn't be able to tell he could have personal feelings about it without knowing he had known Walker before all of that.

Either he had truly ceased to believe in Walker, or he was a very good actor.

Her thoughts turned back to Krory.

"He was." His mouth twisted into a brief smile. "It doesn't mean anything, does it? Noahs have always been able to assume a human appearance to walk among us."

At Klaud's side, Sokaro swore to himself. It was not out of any sense of insult or displeasure regarding this ability of the Clan. If anything, Klaud could bet he was just annoyed to have missed the chance of fighting a Noah.

"I also saw his arm is still of an Innocence."

"So he hasn't been taken by the Fourteenth yet?" Someone interrupted, not in the tone of someone standing in defense of an innocent, merely pointing out a fact that should be considered despite not interfering with the result of the main equation. Levelier, on his turn, remained listening with hungry eyes.

"I don't think it is so simple… I think we're dealing with a Noah who can manipulate Innocence."

At Chaozii's suggestion, there was some exchange of looks and mutters. A Noah who could use Innocence? It was unheard of and against everything they knew about both sides. By all means, it shouldn't be possible. They had to talk with Hevlaska about it, as she was the best link they had to understanding Innocences and their bonds. If that was true, it also meant Walker had an advantage with Innocences perhaps having less effect over him (and, in worst case, none).

"There was a girl with him as well." No one cared for the detail until he added. "Another _Noah."_

" _What?"_

A few of them took a moment to revise in their minds what they had just heard, but most seemed to not be surprised, merely drinking a confirmation of what they already believed, almost with the jubilation of a mathematician that found irrevocable proof to fundament his theory.

Cold hands pressed Klaud's stomach until a dry, bitter taste spread through her body.

Her eyes sought Komui for a second, finding no reaction that helped her have an idea of what he thought of it. The second she looked at Kanda, however, she realized in a second that he had been watching her.

It didn't last longer than a heartbeat.

"It wasn't any of those we've seen before…"

"Forgive me, Mr. Han, but this begs the question…" Levelier interrupted for the first time in a low tone as he raised his hand in a gesture of asking for silence, making a display of being vaguely interested in the subject. It didn't match what could be seen in his eyes, however. " _How_ did you manage to return without grave injures?"

Chaozii's expression was of someone who had bitten something sour.

"I was not perfectly unharmed, sir. That thing apparently has some sort of control over shadows. She almost broke my arms, not to say she tried to effectively choke me. However, when Walker told her to stop, she obeyed." His tone made it clear there was no gratitude from his part, as he didn't believe this had been done for any good reasons.

"Why would he do that?" Tiedoll asked. Sokaro, on his turn, chuckled.

"Oh, would you look at that. Did the cretin got himself a pet Noah?" He smiled, showing sharp teeth in a smile. "Roll over, play dead?"

This warranted a few snickers around while others shook their heads, with a disgust that had nothing to do with Sokaro's comment. Klaud thought about the girl and Walker fighting with her against the Level Four… A fierce anger found birth in her as Chaozii smiled, amused by Sokaro's words.

"Maybe. She did obey him as a dog would. In a way or another, I know what I saw."

A few whispered words, going from surprise to repulsiveness. It was far too similar to reunions of months ago when Walker had been the subject, but in here, it was even easier to feel how twisted the feelings had become over time. Intelligence was not necessary for one to know that Chaozii's report would only work to revive the discussions.

"General Tiedoll's question makes sense. Do you have any idea why Walker would tell her to spare you?" The secretary pointed out what others might be thinking now. It was uncommon for a Noah to spare a human, let alone an Exorcist. Klaud knew this line of thought was directed not only to the girl, but Walker just as well.

Chaozii half-shrugged, his expression not changing.

"I think he thought that if my body was found, it would not only be clear it had been Noah's work, as it would call unwanted attention." At the end, it made no difference and he told them about the details of the brief fight. Walker might have protested against being a traitor, but it didn't hold water when he was with a Noah and if he could convince someone of it, he might gain a spy inside the Order.

Many of those around the table nodded to it.

Klaud stopped for an instant, taking a deep breath as pieces of the reunion came to the front of her mind. The effect had been exactly the expected one: The news that Walker had been seen had spread across the Order in just a few hours, helped by the nature of his new traveler companion.

She also noticed how many didn't display any surprise to this. It made sense that Noahs would travel together. In some cases, she had caught terms that went from "pet dog" to more sordid suggestions of sexual relationships.

Regardless if there was any true to the latter, it was enough to make her want to puke anyway.

Careful, she had watched Krory as well as others in the following time, especially during lunch when they had chance to sit down and talk. Lenalee had her hair in a ponytail, had talked with her friends as if not listening to anything. After her attempt of defending Walker during the last reunion, Klaud had half-expected her to have something to say about those rumors, but she had apparently made a point of not responding to it. Kanda kept his usual behavior (frankly, nothing different from expected).

However, things had reached the point Klaud knew they couldn't continue like this, as much as she would have liked more time to evaluate her next steps.

Now, she had no time.

" _Chaozii couldn't have a worst timing. Again."_ Her anger raised in response to the thought as she attacked the training dummy once again. Not that there was a decent timing to reveal something of this nature…

She punched her target.

Words and terms in the reports she had read returned to her mind as poison from an old wound. At the same time, she dissected everything she remembered.

Let Chaozii speak. She wouldn't have been surprised if Walker and that girl had been merely defending themselves. He hadn't been shy in his determination to get back at the "traitor".

Considering all the battles that had ever happened between Exorcists and Noahs, if there had been any real intention of murder at play, then Chaozii would have returned either dead or seriously injured. That whole "unwanted attention" made little sense, she couldn't imagine any plan of them that would warrant that behavior. After all, the Clan had never cared for hiding when they killed people. During that war, all those years, they…

A lightning ran through her mind, breaking thoughts.

An instant.

Klaud hesitated.

She looks at the watch. Alright, she had been here for a long time, she could consider her session over without issues. Keeping her expression as neutral as possible, she excused herself from the training room, greeting those she passed by.

Her legs prickled, wanting to run back to her room, mind holding to that idea as if it could escape her.

Was that it?

Once finally back in her room, Klaud kneeled down at the side of her bed and slithered under it. The night she had made copies of the reports, she had loosened a piece of the baseboard under it and used to hide the papers.

With them in hand, Klaud sat in the floor and turned to the small nightstand, opening a drawer for a pen, reading the reports once more. Pages were turned as this time, she searched for something specific, scribbling here and there, going back to compare details.

For a few seconds, she remained still.

She turned the pages again, comparing details she had underlined.

"You have to be kidding…" She muttered to herself. But it was there. So _obvious._ How she hadn't realized it the moment she had first read those things?

"You _have_ to be _kidding_ me _…"_

* * *

**Wolf: Finally! After revising and repost the chapters that were ready on fanfiction, we can finally get things going!**

**Kanda: About time if you ask me. Now just hurry up and lets get this whole thing done.**

**Wolf: Hey, you should be happy so many people like to write fanfics. Especially when the manga has been so slow with updates.**

**Allen: She... Kinda has a point.**

**Kanda: I've nothing against fanfics, I have something against _her._**

**Tyki: Also understandable.**

**Wolf: As always, you guys are a nuclear bomb on my self-esteem.  
**

**Road: You don't have self-esteem.**

**Wolf: Not the point!**

 


End file.
